FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Manipulative language
Manipulative language
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
This lounge thread interested me
The OP noted a lot of manipulation in messages
For example -
“Are you still interested in that coffee?”
Seems ok doesn’t it?
But the use of the word “still” implies The OP had previously shown interest when they hadn’t
“That coffee” implies that meeting for coffee was a possible plan that had been discussed which the OP denied .
Also a lot of self depreciation “I know I’m not good enough for you but…..”.
Ones I get include’ I know you invite x to your gathering and I know them’ as if knowing a guest means an automatic connection to the host .
What manipulative language do you see and would prefer wasn’t sent to you or people you know ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just pick up any newspaper . You will find plenty of manipulative rubbish. Politicians promise the world in their manifestoes for re election and guess what...they rarely follw through. |
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"Sometimes manipulative language is the only way to get a response.. "
It's healthier to respect someone else's right to choose who they want to interact with, rather than attempting manipulation. These tactics say a lot about what kind of person is initiating. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"Just pick up any newspaper . You will find plenty of manipulative rubbish. Politicians promise the world in their manifestoes for re election and guess what...they rarely follw through."
If we extend this out of fab it’s everywhere . Commercials especially . Multinational organisations advertising themselves as if they’re your mate . Dairy milk family bars are far more likely to rot your teeth than make your lonely neighbour feel less so btw |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!"
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot"
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads |
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I saw that thread too and found it interesting.
I suppose where Fab is concerned, we all have our reasons for being here.
And isn't the language we use in our communications with others or how we portray ourselves on the Forum (combined possibly with our photos) really one of the few yet most effective tools we have here to get what we want - to manipulate?
Language is a powerful tool. I don't think many people actually realize how powerful in its tiny little nuances.
The word manipulation in itself has a very negative connotation. There's a big difference between psychological manipulation, using one person for the benefit of another, deliberately creating an imbalance of power and healthy social influence, which is about an equal give and take.
A decent therapist can open up worlds into your psyche by getting to know you, pointing out the language you use, and the associations you never might have made consciously otherwise.
If anyone has ever been in a "traditional" Freudian psychoanalytical therapy session, lying on a couch, with your back to the therapist and actually freely voiced your thoughts - it's absolutely freaky and terrifying, yet so deliberating - and believe me, it makes you think about how you use language to "manipulate". |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
handle or control (a tool, mechanism, information, etc.) in a skilful manner.
"he manipulated the dials of the set"
Similar:
operate
handle
work
control
use
employ
utilize
2.
control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly or unscrupulously.
"the masses were deceived and manipulated by a tiny group"
It’s when unscrupulous that it’s a problem. For example if you had no genuine interest what people’s experiences were of manipulative PMs or interactions , and were only starting a thread to get laid |
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"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads "
There's no law against posting threads. Post as many as you like as far as I'm concerned. If they get no response, they get no response, but that is what these forums are about. |
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"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads
There's no law against posting threads. Post as many as you like as far as I'm concerned. If they get no response, they get no response, but that is what these forums are about. "
there is a rule against taking over the forum actually but it was not the intention behind my comment ,it was more in regards if we gonna point at someone or a group of people of using manipulative language to get a desire result; One most hold the mirror to oneself ! |
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"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads
There's no law against posting threads. Post as many as you like as far as I'm concerned. If they get no response, they get no response, but that is what these forums are about. there is a rule against taking over the forum actually but it was not the intention behind my comment ,it was more in regards if we gonna point at someone or a group of people of using manipulative language to get a desire result; One most hold the mirror to oneself ! "
I never even read yours so please don't think I was having a pop at you. I just read his. |
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"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot"
I think I see the honey pot you are talking about in the distance ! |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads
There's no law against posting threads. Post as many as you like as far as I'm concerned. If they get no response, they get no response, but that is what these forums are about. there is a rule against taking over the forum actually but it was not the intention behind my comment ,it was more in regards if we gonna point at someone or a group of people of using manipulative language to get a desire result; One most hold the mirror to oneself ! "
I think that’s fair enough yes |
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"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads
There's no law against posting threads. Post as many as you like as far as I'm concerned. If they get no response, they get no response, but that is what these forums are about. there is a rule against taking over the forum actually but it was not the intention behind my comment ,it was more in regards if we gonna point at someone or a group of people of using manipulative language to get a desire result; One most hold the mirror to oneself !
I never even read yours so please don't think I was having a pop at you. I just read his."
hard to read without reading |
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"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads
There's no law against posting threads. Post as many as you like as far as I'm concerned. If they get no response, they get no response, but that is what these forums are about. there is a rule against taking over the forum actually but it was not the intention behind my comment ,it was more in regards if we gonna point at someone or a group of people of using manipulative language to get a desire result; One most hold the mirror to oneself !
I think that’s fair enough yes "
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads "
Absolutely, and those who don't like certain treads always have the option to stay away or to post to stir a bit. |
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"handle or control (a tool, mechanism, information, etc.) in a skilful manner.
"he manipulated the dials of the set"
Similar:
operate
handle
work
control
use
employ
utilize
2.
control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly or unscrupulously.
"the masses were deceived and manipulated by a tiny group"
It’s when unscrupulous that it’s a problem. For example if you had no genuine interest what people’s experiences were of manipulative PMs or interactions , and were only starting a thread to get laid "
In that sense the forum is more "opportunistic", which again can have negative connotations.
It's really about "in the eyes of the beholder". If you get enjoyment out of using the forum as a means of getting to know others and putting yourself out there, great. If it's a chore, well, maybe not for you.
As for where the original post is concerned and the message "do you still want to go for coffee" even though there was no prior conversation in that regard - this might be seen as manipulative in a negative manner by some, by others as the mere attempt of flirtation - no? |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot"
honey pot mmmmmm  |
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"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
That’s correct and very perceptive . One thread a day most days . I don’t know if it’s manipulative . Maybe it is . It’s not a purposeful strategy . There are days when I don’t plan on doing one then I look at the threads and none of them interest me so I start one . Obviously if several consecutive ones tank then I ll stop .
And there is nothing stopping anyone else doing several weekly threads
There's no law against posting threads. Post as many as you like as far as I'm concerned. If they get no response, they get no response, but that is what these forums are about. there is a rule against taking over the forum actually but it was not the intention behind my comment ,it was more in regards if we gonna point at someone or a group of people of using manipulative language to get a desire result; One most hold the mirror to oneself !
I never even read yours so please don't think I was having a pop at you. I just read his. hard to read without reading "
Yet I managed to do it. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
Maybe unscrupulous is the decider .
Is it immoral or unfair ? Are you trying to fool the person into thinking that there is more connection between you than there is ? Or is it an attempt at humour ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In fairness to the OP posting threads. They are usually entertaining and as above . If you dont want to post a comment, you dont have to.
20 quid in the post as discussed "
€50 you tight fucker |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Eh, most human interaction involves manipulation at some level, it's more about malicious intent in my book.
Is attempting to fuck someone malicious intent?
"
If its to persuade someone into something they are hesitant about (or have already declined) , then what would you call it? |
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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago
Dublin |
Everything on fab is about manipulation and is about people trying to shape and influence other people to do what they want.
The most common example is that people manipulate people to change their profiles and behaviour. Then those people who change their profiles are then trying to manipulate people into meeting/messaging them.
You gotta fake it, to make it. |
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"Everything on fab is about manipulation and is about people trying to shape and influence other people to do what they want.
The most common example is that people manipulate people to change their profiles and behaviour. Then those people who change their profiles are then trying to manipulate people into meeting/messaging them.
You gotta fake it, to make it. "
I tend to agree with you on one point. There is so much fakery and bull coming from people now that someone who is open and straight up about themselves is automatically assumed to be lying somehow. The fakers do make it, then they are rumbled, close the profile, open another one and go faking once again. |
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"Sometimes manipulative language is the only way to get a response..
It's healthier to respect someone else's right to choose who they want to interact with, rather than attempting manipulation. These tactics say a lot about what kind of person is initiating."
I agree however manipulative people are everywhere |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"Are you hijacking the forum ? Every second post you are the Op ... manipulate or what? !!!
He borrows a lot from the launch to spread it generously on the Irish forum, it's Christmas after all.
Anyhow many ways to draw attention and we all use some ways of verbal manipulation to stir the ship around cliffs of the fab sea or to get to the honey pot
honey pot mmmmmm "
Some are easily manipulated but be careful you might it a fur burger rather than a honey pot... |
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It's like some have stated - manipulation has a negative connotation - the question is, is there malicious intent in the approach taken in a message, be that a first introductory message or a message within a conversation?
We recently received a message from a couple's profile "Thanks for your interest. Unfortunately herself is currently not playing but male half available to meet"
I could have rolled my eyes and got in a tizzy - particularly as we had never had any previous contact with that profile so "thanks for your interest" was definitely a form of manipulation, trying it on, possibly trying to play one part of the couple off against the other. We definitely didn't message (or wink or friend request that profile - not the kind of profile we'd approach, not the way we'd approach a profile either). So a single man in the guise of a couple trying it on when we clearly have single men blocked and state that we are looking for couples and ladies.
I had a chuckle at the effort and responded in the context of "really, funny I can't see a history of messages or winking at you on your profile (which would show on that profile for any of you who are unaware) and just politely sent him on his way. He thanked me and off he went.
Note made on the profile because I'm sure he'll try it again
But why get in a knot about it? These messages are not abusive or derogatory - a large percentage of people are here to meet others. Some cohorts have a tougher time getting in there than others. Some will use more manipulative means to get what they are looking for. Some of those means can be ingenious, in fairness |
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"Honestly can't believe some of these posts.
How about using the word abusive instead of manipulative?
Would that change things?"
Manipulation is all around us.. The world wouldn't function without it.. Empire's have been built upon it.. |
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"Honestly can't believe some of these posts.
How about using the word abusive instead of manipulative?
Would that change things?"
BIG difference between manipulative and abusive!!! Big difference, especially if it's in the context of "are you interested in a coffee" or "are you STILL interested in a coffee" or the like as the original post explains.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes manipulative language is the only way to get a response.. "
What I'm getting from that is that you crave any sort of response regardless of whether it's negative or positive which is something we've noticed about some first approach texts, some can be extremely pushy and quite aggressive and obviously sent to instigate any sort of response or conversation, very very odd indeed |
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"Honestly can't believe some of these posts.
How about using the word abusive instead of manipulative?
Would that change things?
Manipulation is all around us.. The world wouldn't function without it.. Empire's have been built upon it.. "
Is that seriously a justification?
"Honestly can't believe some of these posts.
How about using the word abusive instead of manipulative?
Would that change things?
BIG difference between manipulative and abusive!!! Big difference, especially if it's in the context of "are you interested in a coffee" or "are you STILL interested in a coffee" or the like as the original post explains.
"
That situation as described isn't manipulative.
But there isn't a difference between manipulation and abuse, or at least one is a subset of the other.
If you think there's a meaningful difference, can you explain? |
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"Sometimes manipulative language is the only way to get a response..
What I'm getting from that is that you crave any sort of response regardless of whether it's negative or positive which is something we've noticed about some first approach texts, some can be extremely pushy and quite aggressive and obviously sent to instigate any sort of response or conversation, very very odd indeed "
Didn't say I sent manipulative messages whatever they are.. If it works for some then so be it.. Think this thread is just another example of snowflake generation venting its fury.. I mean how could someone feel manipulated from a message.. Snowflake generation |
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"Lost my fucking keys again. Anyone see them?"
Thréad carefully this could be construed as a manipulative question.. Think of the consequences of asking such a question.. You might offend people who have a perpetual fear of keys.. |
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"
How about using the word abusive instead of manipulative?
Would that change things?
BIG difference between manipulative and abusive!!! Big difference, especially if it's in the context of "are you interested in a coffee" or "are you STILL interested in a coffee" or the like as the original post explains.
That situation as described isn't manipulative.
But there isn't a difference between manipulation and abuse, or at least one is a subset of the other.
If you think there's a meaningful difference, can you explain?"
The message content as I explained it there was in the original post and the original poster (who was a woman in the UK Forum) felt that she was being manipulated with the addition of the word "still" as she felt it implied that she had previously displayed interest which she categorically said she had not. Hence I was using her and her feelings as an example.
And depending on what happened in that conversation, I don't believe you can clearly state that that message wasn't manipulative.
But in the greater context, I would agree with you that manipulation can be a subset of abuse.
As I have said in a number of my posts, the word manipulation comes with a negative connotation. And depending on the context I agree with you.
I think all of us can safely say that we've been manipulated at some stage in our life. But I wouldn't necessarily think that everybody feels they've been abused at one point.
Abuse is a step up from manipulation. Manipulation doesn't necessarily show ill intent towards the person being manipulated - in my opinion.
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"
Manipulation doesn't necessarily show ill intent towards the person being manipulated - in my opinion.
"
The context of this thread has been that's it's ok to trick people into getting what you want, namely sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes manipulative language is the only way to get a response..
What I'm getting from that is that you crave any sort of response regardless of whether it's negative or positive which is something we've noticed about some first approach texts, some can be extremely pushy and quite aggressive and obviously sent to instigate any sort of response or conversation, very very odd indeed
Didn't say I sent manipulative messages whatever they are.. If it works for some then so be it.. Think this thread is just another example of snowflake generation venting its fury.. I mean how could someone feel manipulated from a message.. Snowflake generation"
Lolol you said it was the only way to get a response and now you're saying they don't exist, hmmmmm interesting |
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"Sometimes manipulative language is the only way to get a response..
What I'm getting from that is that you crave any sort of response regardless of whether it's negative or positive which is something we've noticed about some first approach texts, some can be extremely pushy and quite aggressive and obviously sent to instigate any sort of response or conversation, very very odd indeed
Didn't say I sent manipulative messages whatever they are.. If it works for some then so be it.. Think this thread is just another example of snowflake generation venting its fury.. I mean how could someone feel manipulated from a message.. Snowflake generation
Lolol you said it was the only way to get a response and now you're saying they don't exist, hmmmmm interesting "
If someone feels manipulated from a message here then I question their presence on this site |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes manipulative language is the only way to get a response..
What I'm getting from that is that you crave any sort of response regardless of whether it's negative or positive which is something we've noticed about some first approach texts, some can be extremely pushy and quite aggressive and obviously sent to instigate any sort of response or conversation, very very odd indeed
Didn't say I sent manipulative messages whatever they are.. If it works for some then so be it.. Think this thread is just another example of snowflake generation venting its fury.. I mean how could someone feel manipulated from a message.. Snowflake generation
Lolol you said it was the only way to get a response and now you're saying they don't exist, hmmmmm interesting
If someone feels manipulated from a message here then I question their presence on this site "
Also worth saying that if someone was easily offended or overly sensitive and part of the "snowflake" generation probably not the best place for them either lol
Sometimes people just take rejection badly |
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"
Manipulation doesn't necessarily show ill intent towards the person being manipulated - in my opinion.
The context of this thread has been that's it's ok to trick people into getting what you want, namely sex."
That may be what you gather from the content of the thread. The original post was about using manipulative language. The example given was "still interested in coffee" as opposed to "interested in coffee". She felt manipulated. We don't factually know if he deliberately phrased his question as he did.
The post asked to give examples where you may have felt linguistically manipulated within an online conversation (I actually gave an example of my own). At least that's how I remember it. I stuck with the overall topic of manipulative language which is a far cry from abuse or abusive language.
I also believe that everybody has a different threshold where they feel they might be manipulated or abused.
Like Cosmic Gate said, it's an online adult website. Who really gives a toss what a stranger throws into your inbox? But some are more vulnerable than others and we all have that one day where something might just rile us, another day it would leave us cold...
And lots of us are here for sex. Ultimately a conversation will turn to "will we meet"... and hopefully for sex if we like each other.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First messages that say...
"Can I ask you something?"
"
I hate this one. It's an immediate block.
The other first line I hate is "I can help you" as if being fucked by them is a cure for what ails me  |
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"I think it's fair to say the thread took a little turn after the OP, which was fairly innocuous in my opinion.
Manipulating people isn't ok, and I'm surprised it's being justified."
I agree with you that manipulation is not ok...yet you had a different interpretation of a situation the OP described as manipulative.
Hence my previous post - perspective...she saw manipulation where you didn't. |
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"I think it's fair to say the thread took a little turn after the OP, which was fairly innocuous in my opinion.
Manipulating people isn't ok, and I'm surprised it's being justified.
I agree with you that manipulation is not ok...yet you had a different interpretation of a situation the OP described as manipulative.
Hence my previous post - perspective...she saw manipulation where you didn't."
Not really. As I said, the thread took a turn.
People were saying you can't get anywhere without manipulating people, and that it's inherent to human interaction. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
I think people take whatever messages they want from whatever thread , post, message , interaction .
Take home for me is , if you’re contacting someone on here with an unscrupulous intent (not trying to seduce them per se , it’s a swinging site , but trying to do unscrupulously ) then it’s not on . And like many things , how does it make the person at the receiving end of you feel ? |
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By *indenMan
over a year ago
Naas which is South West of Dublin |
Manipulation is everywhere, in every walk of life, through every age……
Babies manipulated their parents or minders into picking them up by crying…..
Kids manipulate their parents into getting them things…..
Parents manipulate their kids into doing things….
People manipulate each other all the time, even if it’s for no other reason than to alter their opinion of them……
It may not be the most appealing of traits, but it’s everywhere……
Thanks for reading……
(See what I did there…… )
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