FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Post your favourite joke.
Post your favourite joke.
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"Whats the definition of indefinitely?" When her balls touch your fanny it's indefinitely | |||
"Whats the definition of indefinitely? When her balls touch your fanny it's indefinitely" Whatever you're into lad | |||
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"I can only assume that was a typo What’s the difference between the jam and earth wind and fire ? " I dunno shout? | |||
"I can only assume that was a typo What’s the difference between the jam and earth wind and fire ? " No idea... What's the difference between jam and marmalade? Well ya can't marmalade your cock up a woman's arse!   | |||
"When your balls are slapping of her ass, you're indefinitely " | |||
"I can only assume that was a typo What’s the difference between the jam and earth wind and fire ? No idea... What's the difference between jam and marmalade? Well ya can't marmalade your cock up a woman's arse! "Same joke ! | |||
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"Manchester United " I nearly posted that earlier
YNWA  | |||
"What has premature ejaculation and hide and go seek got in common. "READY OR NOT, HERE I COME"... " | |||
"Manchester United I nearly posted that earlier
YNWA " | |||
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"James Bond books into the Ritz Carlton, it’s late in the evening and the porter carries his bags up to his room. He tips the porter, closes the door and decides he’ll pop down to the bar for a little night cap, so he changes into some suitable evening attire and makes his way downstairs. He’s sitting there at the bar, sipping a vodka martini - shaken. Not stirred when the most beautiful woman in the world sits down two stools away from him. James Bond, being the magnet he is, the woman leans over and breaks the ice. “ Excuse me. Could you tell me the time please? “ “ Certainly. “ He replies and pulls back his sleeve to reveal a big fuck off watch. It can change the guidance systems on nuclear weapons, cut through steel bars,... it’s a James Bond watch. It can do anything. “ My, my, ‘ the lady says, ‘ that’s a fancy watch! “ “ Yes. ‘ he replies, ‘ my firm made it for me. It tells me things. “ Intrigued. The woman asks “ What do you mean? ‘ It tells you things ‘. “ “ It picks up little vibrations and it tells me things. “ He tells her. He takes a little sip of his vodka martini. The lady looks confused so he pulls back his sleeve, looks at his watch and explains, “ For example. The vibrations it’s picking up just now. It tells me you’re wearing no underwear. “ The woman blushes and laughs “ Oh, but I am. I am. “ James Bond is utterly confused and examines his watch. Taps the face then the penny drops. “ Oh. My apologies. It’s an hour fast. Would you like a drink... “"
That's brilliant. Fair play for sharing. Must of felt like you were typing the bible out there | |||
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"Whats the difference between a Bonus and a penis...? Your Wife will blow your Bonus " | |||
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"Cops knocked on my door the other day, Excuse me sir your dog is After been chasing some guy on a bike... I says he couldnt have been my dog doesnt have a bike "Lolz | |||
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A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman:
‘Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?’
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed. In walks the rabbit and says, ‘A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.’
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending. The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year. In walks the rabbit and says, ‘A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman’.
The barman says, ‘I’m sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties..’.
The rabbit looks aghast. The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, ‘We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.’ The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, ‘Are you sure I will like it?’
The masses’ bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
The barman, with a roguish smile says, ‘Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.’
‘Ok’, says the rabbit, ‘I’ll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.’
The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie. He then waves to the crowd and leaves….
..NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.
The barman says, ‘Who are you?’, to which he is answered, ‘I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.’
The barman says, ‘I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.’
The rabbit says, ‘Yes I know.’
The barman said, ‘I remember, on your last night we didn’t have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.’
The rabbit said, ‘Yes, you promised me that I would love it.’
The barman said, ‘You never came back, what happened?’
‘I DIED’, said the rabbit.
‘NO!’ said the barman. ‘What from?’
After a short pause. The rabbit said…
‘Mixin-me-toasties.’ | |||
"A Woman Was out Golfing One Day when She Hit the Ball into the Woods: She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her. "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said. "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes." Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said. "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her. "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to." The woman replied. "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said. "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said. "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, ABRA-KADA-BRA-KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered. "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers: Please scroll down! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife. Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen! Now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love.... " | |||
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"A Woman Was out Golfing One Day when She Hit the Ball into the Woods: She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her. "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said. "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes." Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said. "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her. "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to." The woman replied. "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said. "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said. "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, ABRA-KADA-BRA-KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered. "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers: Please scroll down! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife. Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen! Now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love....
"qoooow absolutely brilliant. Brave person too lol | |||
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They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her panties and the other grabed a wreath of a grave
Next Morning one husband called the other and said, no more girlie's nights out that's it!
My wife came home with no panties." The other husband said you think that's bad ,mine came back with a card in her crack that read, Fondest Memories from all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you. | |||
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