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Joke

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Go on tell us...

I'm still waiting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself"
because it’s 2 tyred :p

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You can't have a thread with 1 shit joke...did you hear the one about bout the magic tractor? It was driving down the road and then it turned into a field...I know I know its no wonder I'm unverified

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By *rotic desiresWoman  over a year ago

Here and there


"You can't have a thread with 1 shit joke...did you hear the one about bout the magic tractor? It was driving down the road and then it turned into a field...I know I know its no wonder I'm unverified "

You're trying too hard

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By *allyWally19Woman  over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.....I should have put it on aloha setting

Side note: pineapple does NOT belong on pizza

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

What did the fish say when it swam in to a wall...

Dam

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By *asual777Man  over a year ago

i travel all over

What’s the difference between the jam and earth wind and fire ?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

A man decides to quit his job and pursue his childhood dream of becoming a pirate!

After spending a few hours at the dock, he sees a man with a peg leg, hook hand, and an eye patch; he's obviously a pirate captain! So the man promptly joins his crew and they ship out to sea that very day.

Later that night, the man walks up to the captain and says...

“I’m sorry but I just have to ask... How did you get your wooden leg?”

The captain says “Arr, ‘twas me first day at sea as a young lad. A great big swell came from the ocean and knocked me overboard. Before me crew could pull me out... a giant one eyed fish swam up and bit off me leg!”

“That sounds terrible! Well then, what happened to your hand?”

“Arr, ‘twas me second day at sea. Another great big swell came from the water and knocked me overboard. Before me crew could pull me back up... the giant one eyed fish swam up and bit off my hand!"

The man tells the captain it sounds like this fish has it out for him!

"So what happened to your eye if you don't mind me asking?"

“Arr, ‘twas me third day at sea lad. I was looking up at the sky when a bird flew by and shat in me eye”

“Really? That’s how you lost your eye?”

“No but t'was me first day with the hook!"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.....I should have put it on aloha setting

Side note: pineapple does NOT belong on pizza "

I know this is gonna cause a few opinions but pineapple most certainly does belong on a pizza

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Two Snowmen standing in a field..... One turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots"

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By *rotic desiresWoman  over a year ago

Here and there


"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.....I should have put it on aloha setting

Side note: pineapple does NOT belong on pizza

I know this is gonna cause a few opinions but pineapple most certainly does belong on a pizza "

Yummy, pineapple pizza

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By *oo32Man  over a year ago

tipperary

Ate a clock yesterday....

Twas very time consuming

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.....I should have put it on aloha setting

Side note: pineapple does NOT belong on pizza "

Sorry now but I beg to differ. Pineapple is awesome on pizza that's why they call it Hawiian cause its awesome. I'm not sorry at all

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By *heFoxersCouple  over a year ago

FoxTown

Have to agree pineapple does not belong on a pizza, sorry

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By *phrodite72Woman  over a year ago

dublin/galway


"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.....I should have put it on aloha setting

Side note: pineapple does NOT belong on pizza

I know this is gonna cause a few opinions but pineapple most certainly does belong on a pizza

Yummy, pineapple pizza "

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By *og-ManMan  over a year ago

somewhere

Farmer John once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so

heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being

run over, at a rate of three to six a week.

So Farmer John called the local police station to complain,

"You've got to do something about all these people driving

so fast and killing all my chickens," he said to the local police officer.

"What do you want me to do?" asked the policeman.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said:

SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said,

"You've still got to do something about these drivers. The

‘school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster!"

So again, they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and said,

"Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

In order to get Farmer John off his back said "Sure. Put up

your own sign.

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but

curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called

John, “How’s the problem with the speeding drivers. did

you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.

The policeman was really curious and thought he'd better go

out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign

might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow

drivers down..

So he drove out to Farmer John's house.

His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.

'NUDIST COLONY'

'Slow down and watch out for chicks"

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By *hatCoupleNextDoorCouple  over a year ago

nearby

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that" says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him:

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the bartender.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the bartender.

"The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?"

"Yeah!" the bartender replies.

"With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck.

"Of course," the bartender replies.

"And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the bartender.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says: "What would they want with a plasterer???

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By *allyWally19Woman  over a year ago

The Road to Nowhere

To everyone who is 'for' on the pineapple on pizza jobby....we might just go the whole hog & get our own rather than half&half....coz I just ain't risking it

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By *loop JohnMan  over a year ago

Dublin

A bloke camw up to me and said "are those thick lens glasses you're wearing?" I said, "No, they're mine"

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By *og-ManMan  over a year ago

somewhere


"A bloke camw up to me and said "are those thick lens glasses you're wearing?" I said, "No, they're mine" "

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By *ettaManMan  over a year ago

Kerry and Dublin

I've been sending messages to ladies on fab asking if they want super sex.

So far I've gotten 10 orders for the soup.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Why does Michael Jackson like 28 year olds??because there’s 20 of them!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

As the Irishman said when he saw his x ray “jaysus, I don’t remember eating all those bones!”

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Ate a clock yesterday....

Twas very time consuming"

best time of the day 6.30 hands down

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Iv a bit of a dark sense of humour but no harm intended ,but what’s 3 3’s?

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