FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Marriage would you
Marriage would you
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"Based on knowledge & previous experiences, Marriage/Committed relationship. Would you do it again Or do again with some differences" I learned by being married that it's not for me ,it's not because lm selfish..lm not ,lm too much of a free spirit , BUT if the combination is wrong ..the combination is wrong..full stop. | |||
"I’m in a long term marriage, I find the spark greatly diminished, really struggling. She knows I have kinks and urges to play with others (let it all out a few months ago after pints!). She is great, but my soul is dying. Couldn’t leave as it would hurt both of us, kids are nearly out of teens. Think it’s time for counselling. Don’t know why I’m posting this , anyway." Go for counselling..its worth trying to save | |||
"I’m in a long term marriage, I find the spark greatly diminished, really struggling. She knows I have kinks and urges to play with others (let it all out a few months ago after pints!). She is great, but my soul is dying. Couldn’t leave as it would hurt both of us, kids are nearly out of teens. Think it’s time for counselling. Don’t know why I’m posting this , anyway." Counselling can be good if you find a good one. Hope it works out. I feel for you - I remember the soul dying feeling. Couldnt bear it  | |||
"I’m in a long term marriage, I find the spark greatly diminished, really struggling. She knows I have kinks and urges to play with others (let it all out a few months ago after pints!). She is great, but my soul is dying. Couldn’t leave as it would hurt both of us, kids are nearly out of teens. Think it’s time for counselling. Don’t know why I’m posting this , anyway. Counselling can be good if you find a good one. Hope it works out. I feel for you - I remember the soul dying feeling. Couldnt bear it "It’s important that the life within your soul is not dependent on others . Counselling is a good start to look into this | |||
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"Never found one stupid enough to marry me beside that I don't find the concept of marriage and ownership in anyway attractive. Nothing wrong with a partner that is up for an open relationship. " Yeah I had an issue with the ownership concept despite it being absolutely a non-issue in my ex-marraige. I think essentially im a free-spirited commitment phobe, and I find any long term responsibility for another persons wellbeing to be a burden. But im conflicted, I have a romantic heart! | |||
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"In my experience and the experience of most of my friends. When you decide to go for counselling it's already over. They'll just string you along for the money. If you need a stranger to sort out your relationship well it time to bale out. Not one I know including myself did counselling work for. Wish it did but it didn't. Sorry." There is something about having a space to say things with a mediator rather than to each other’s faces which gives a little more of a net. There ought to be a lot more publicly funded sessions available IMO to address the ‘stringing along’ élément. I have read a fair bit of research to suggest that as far as kids are concerned outcomes are better to stay together unless the arguments can’t be kept away from them , there is DV or contempt . Hence marriage counselling’s better availability might be useful . The outcomes for the married individuals are not included and I suspect it’s best for one’s sanity to separate at a much earlier point ... | |||
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"In my experience and the experience of most of my friends. When you decide to go for counselling it's already over. They'll just string you along for the money. If you need a stranger to sort out your relationship well it time to bale out. Not one I know including myself did counselling work for. Wish it did but it didn't. Sorry. There is something about having a space to say things with a mediator rather than to each other’s faces which gives a little more of a net. There ought to be a lot more publicly funded sessions available IMO to address the ‘stringing along’ élément. I have read a fair bit of research to suggest that as far as kids are concerned outcomes are better to stay together unless the arguments can’t be kept away from them , there is DV or contempt . Hence marriage counselling’s better availability might be useful . The outcomes for the married individuals are not included and I suspect it’s best for one’s sanity to separate at a much earlier point ..." Can you point me at that research pls. My experience is that kids are better off living with peoole who are in good relationships, not bad relationships. | |||
"In my experience and the experience of most of my friends. When you decide to go for counselling it's already over. They'll just string you along for the money. If you need a stranger to sort out your relationship well it time to bale out. Not one I know including myself did counselling work for. Wish it did but it didn't. Sorry. There is something about having a space to say things with a mediator rather than to each other’s faces which gives a little more of a net. There ought to be a lot more publicly funded sessions available IMO to address the ‘stringing along’ élément. I have read a fair bit of research to suggest that as far as kids are concerned outcomes are better to stay together unless the arguments can’t be kept away from them , there is DV or contempt . Hence marriage counselling’s better availability might be useful . The outcomes for the married individuals are not included and I suspect it’s best for one’s sanity to separate at a much earlier point ... Can you point me at that research pls. My experience is that kids are better off living with peoole who are in good relationships, not bad relationships. " You are correct , hence why I said if you can keep the arguments away from them , not be violent towards each other , and not show contempt . They ll see that as a good marriage even if you’re acting Wallerstein JS, Lewis JM, Blakeslee S. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study. 2000. There are tonnes of studies like this . Judith Wallerstein, the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,2 is convinced, based on her research, that children are almost always better off if the family remains intact, even if the parents are no longer in love.3 If parents can remain civil and work together to parent, even if they are sad or lonely, and can avoid exposing the children to fights and squabbles, then co-parenting under the same roof is better. Wallerstein's research found that the effects of divorce on children, and particularly among these children who grow up to adulthood, are so devastating emotionally that parents should stay together at virtually any cost. | |||
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"In my experience and the experience of most of my friends. When you decide to go for counselling it's already over. They'll just string you along for the money. If you need a stranger to sort out your relationship well it time to bale out. Not one I know including myself did counselling work for. Wish it did but it didn't. Sorry. There is something about having a space to say things with a mediator rather than to each other’s faces which gives a little more of a net. There ought to be a lot more publicly funded sessions available IMO to address the ‘stringing along’ élément. I have read a fair bit of research to suggest that as far as kids are concerned outcomes are better to stay together unless the arguments can’t be kept away from them , there is DV or contempt . Hence marriage counselling’s better availability might be useful . The outcomes for the married individuals are not included and I suspect it’s best for one’s sanity to separate at a much earlier point ... Can you point me at that research pls. My experience is that kids are better off living with peoole who are in good relationships, not bad relationships. You are correct , hence why I said if you can keep the arguments away from them , not be violent towards each other , and not show contempt . They ll see that as a good marriage even if you’re acting Wallerstein JS, Lewis JM, Blakeslee S. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study. 2000. There are tonnes of studies like this . Judith Wallerstein, the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,2 is convinced, based on her research, that children are almost always better off if the family remains intact, even if the parents are no longer in love.3 If parents can remain civil and work together to parent, even if they are sad or lonely, and can avoid exposing the children to fights and squabbles, then co-parenting under the same roof is better. Wallerstein's research found that the effects of divorce on children, and particularly among these children who grow up to adulthood, are so devastating emotionally that parents should stay together at virtually any cost." Just had a good read.. her study seems to be based on a very old, very small sample sized study from a culture very different to modern Ireland. Only 141 kids from California in 1971. Seperated child rearing and coparenting abilities in modern Ireland bear little to no relation to this. Also, have a read at what Sanford Braver had to say about divorced dad's. He says about Wallerstein "there are literally hundreds of better designed studies that contradict some of her conclusions." | |||
"In my experience and the experience of most of my friends. When you decide to go for counselling it's already over. They'll just string you along for the money. If you need a stranger to sort out your relationship well it time to bale out. Not one I know including myself did counselling work for. Wish it did but it didn't. Sorry. There is something about having a space to say things with a mediator rather than to each other’s faces which gives a little more of a net. There ought to be a lot more publicly funded sessions available IMO to address the ‘stringing along’ élément. I have read a fair bit of research to suggest that as far as kids are concerned outcomes are better to stay together unless the arguments can’t be kept away from them , there is DV or contempt . Hence marriage counselling’s better availability might be useful . The outcomes for the married individuals are not included and I suspect it’s best for one’s sanity to separate at a much earlier point ... Can you point me at that research pls. My experience is that kids are better off living with peoole who are in good relationships, not bad relationships. You are correct , hence why I said if you can keep the arguments away from them , not be violent towards each other , and not show contempt . They ll see that as a good marriage even if you’re acting Wallerstein JS, Lewis JM, Blakeslee S. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study. 2000. There are tonnes of studies like this . Judith Wallerstein, the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,2 is convinced, based on her research, that children are almost always better off if the family remains intact, even if the parents are no longer in love.3 If parents can remain civil and work together to parent, even if they are sad or lonely, and can avoid exposing the children to fights and squabbles, then co-parenting under the same roof is better. Wallerstein's research found that the effects of divorce on children, and particularly among these children who grow up to adulthood, are so devastating emotionally that parents should stay together at virtually any cost. Just had a good read.. her study seems to be based on a very old, very small sample sized study from a culture very different to modern Ireland. Only 141 kids from California in 1971. Seperated child rearing and coparenting abilities in modern Ireland bear little to no relation to this. Also, have a read at what Sanford Braver had to say about divorced dad's. He says about Wallerstein "there are literally hundreds of better designed studies that contradict some of her conclusions." " Perhaps the one thing we ll agree on is that as a decision it’s complicated , individual , shouldn’t be based on what someone says on a forum , and judgements ( or perhaps we won’t ). I studied this topic as an undergrad btw and there are numerous other studies which say the same thing . I won’t get into the same rabbit hole as happened with other threads and this is the last I ll post on this but it’s vital to know that there are situations which can’t have a blanket response , and that some who make decisions different from ours might have done so based on meticulous consideration of all factors as it applies to them. | |||
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I honestly don't get the marriage thing at all...to me it's just a legal document. Grant it I can understand when wanting to bring kids into the world in Wed-Lock but that's about it.
I know a good few men who have told me they got the ultimatum..."marry me or else"...like omg & so many have ended in divorce. Marriage is quite an expensive experience also... Spending up to £60,000 or more on 1-day out seems a little nuts to me also. | |||
"I would never marry ever...I never felt the need to ... Don't get me wrong...I did have 5 proposals since the age of 19...yes 5
I honestly don't get the marriage thing at all...to me it's just a legal document. Grant it I can understand when wanting to bring kids into the world in Wed-Lock but that's about it.
I know a good few men who have told me they got the ultimatum..."marry me or else"...like omg & so many have ended in divorce. Marriage is quite an expensive experience also... Spending up to £60,000 or more on 1-day out seems a little nuts to me also."There are practical reasons with regards inheritance, tax, and parental rights.. that only kick in once you ate married. Also there is absolutely no need to spend 60k to do it. | |||
"I would never marry ever...I never felt the need to ... Don't get me wrong...I did have 5 proposals since the age of 19...yes 5
I honestly don't get the marriage thing at all...to me it's just a legal document. Grant it I can understand when wanting to bring kids into the world in Wed-Lock but that's about it.
I know a good few men who have told me they got the ultimatum..."marry me or else"...like omg & so many have ended in divorce. Marriage is quite an expensive experience also... Spending up to £60,000 or more on 1-day out seems a little nuts to me also.
There are practical reasons with regards inheritance, tax, and parental rights.. that only kick in once you ate married. Also there is absolutely no need to spend 60k to do it. "Yes I know there's definitely no need to spend that amount...it's nuts crazy...there's just some needy diva women out there who want the ultimate super super princess day out & I know this from experiencing it on the side-lines. Yup I'm well aware of the inheritance, tax & parental rights reasons...hence I said marriage is a legal document  | |||
"I would never marry ever...I never felt the need to ... Don't get me wrong...I did have 5 proposals since the age of 19...yes 5
I honestly don't get the marriage thing at all...to me it's just a legal document. Grant it I can understand when wanting to bring kids into the world in Wed-Lock but that's about it.
I know a good few men who have told me they got the ultimatum..."marry me or else"...like omg & so many have ended in divorce. Marriage is quite an expensive experience also... Spending up to £60,000 or more on 1-day out seems a little nuts to me also.
There are practical reasons with regards inheritance, tax, and parental rights.. that only kick in once you ate married. Also there is absolutely no need to spend 60k to do it.
Yes I know there's definitely no need to spend that amount...it's nuts crazy...there's just some needy diva women out there who want the ultimate super super princess day out & I know this from experiencing it on the side-lines. Yup I'm well aware of the inheritance, tax & parental rights reasons...hence I said marriage is a legal document
"I worked in a very luxurious hotel the brides were nuts! One Dad paid €50k for the wedding. He forgot his wedding shoes and the bride had a meltdown absolutely tore stripes off him and wouldn't let him walk her down the aisle. There didn't seem to be any love for the poor groom either it was all for show. | |||
"I would never marry ever...I never felt the need to ... Don't get me wrong...I did have 5 proposals since the age of 19...yes 5
I honestly don't get the marriage thing at all...to me it's just a legal document. Grant it I can understand when wanting to bring kids into the world in Wed-Lock but that's about it.
I know a good few men who have told me they got the ultimatum..."marry me or else"...like omg & so many have ended in divorce. Marriage is quite an expensive experience also... Spending up to £60,000 or more on 1-day out seems a little nuts to me also.
There are practical reasons with regards inheritance, tax, and parental rights.. that only kick in once you ate married. Also there is absolutely no need to spend 60k to do it.
Yes I know there's definitely no need to spend that amount...it's nuts crazy...there's just some needy diva women out there who want the ultimate super super princess day out & I know this from experiencing it on the side-lines. Yup I'm well aware of the inheritance, tax & parental rights reasons...hence I said marriage is a legal document
I worked in a very luxurious hotel the brides were nuts! One Dad paid €50k for the wedding. He forgot his wedding shoes and the bride had a meltdown absolutely tore stripes off him and wouldn't let him walk her down the aisle. There didn't seem to be any love for the poor groom either it was all for show. "The traveller weddings look awesome | |||
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That’s as close as I like to get to marriage | |||
"Hi Vintage, yes we married in d early 80s ,still together n having fun kids grown up ,n I'd definitely do it again with d same man ,n a bit of Fab fun now n again magic x" When did the swinging fun start? | |||
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"Never found one stupid enough to marry me beside that I don't find the concept of marriage and ownership in anyway attractive. Nothing wrong with a partner that is up for an open relationship. Yeah I had an issue with the ownership concept despite it being absolutely a non-issue in my ex-marraige. I think essentially im a free-spirited commitment phobe, and I find any long term responsibility for another persons wellbeing to be a burden. But im conflicted, I have a romantic heart! " Romance Vs Responsibility ( for another) Tricky one. | |||
"In my experience and the experience of most of my friends. When you decide to go for counselling it's already over. They'll just string you along for the money. If you need a stranger to sort out your relationship well it time to bale out. Not one I know including myself did counselling work for. Wish it did but it didn't. Sorry. There is something about having a space to say things with a mediator rather than to each other’s faces which gives a little more of a net. There ought to be a lot more publicly funded sessions available IMO to address the ‘stringing along’ élément. I have read a fair bit of research to suggest that as far as kids are concerned outcomes are better to stay together unless the arguments can’t be kept away from them , there is DV or contempt . Hence marriage counselling’s better availability might be useful . The outcomes for the married individuals are not included and I suspect it’s best for one’s sanity to separate at a much earlier point ... Can you point me at that research pls. My experience is that kids are better off living with peoole who are in good relationships, not bad relationships. You are correct , hence why I said if you can keep the arguments away from them , not be violent towards each other , and not show contempt . They ll see that as a good marriage even if you’re acting Wallerstein JS, Lewis JM, Blakeslee S. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study. 2000. There are tonnes of studies like this . Judith Wallerstein, the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,2 is convinced, based on her research, that children are almost always better off if the family remains intact, even if the parents are no longer in love.3 If parents can remain civil and work together to parent, even if they are sad or lonely, and can avoid exposing the children to fights and squabbles, then co-parenting under the same roof is better. Wallerstein's research found that the effects of divorce on children, and particularly among these children who grow up to adulthood, are so devastating emotionally that parents should stay together at virtually any cost." It doesn’t work . Kids are like sponges and take everything in. From personal experience, the earlier you separate the better, otherwise your teaching your kids to live in an unhealthy Marraige. It’s a toxic environment for all concerned especially kids. Trust me from personal experience of my own separation, kids are very resilient. | |||
"Yes marriage is important to me" I agree, marriage is important to me too | |||
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"Yep. Were planning a vow renewal in iceland since we didnt get there for our honeymoon" Are they gonna close the shop for it? | |||
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"Yep. Were planning a vow renewal in iceland since we didnt get there for our honeymoon Are they gonna close the shop for it?" Smarty pants | |||
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"Getting married Monday "Have you informed her of this? | |||
"Getting married Monday
Have you informed her of this? "She is thrilled | |||
"Getting married Monday
Have you informed her of this?
She is thrilled "She might be busy washing her hair on Monday. Just a wild guess! | |||
"Getting married Monday
Have you informed her of this?
She is thrilled
She might be busy washing her hair on Monday. Just a wild guess! "Last minute neves, to be expected when you're punching  | |||
"Fake marriages only for me "Can I get an invite to the fake reception | |||
"Getting married Monday
Have you informed her of this?
She is thrilled
She might be busy washing her hair on Monday. Just a wild guess!
Last minute neves, to be expected when you're punching "Well i know someone who's asking for a punch | |||
"Fake marriages only for me
Can I get an invite to the fake reception"Of course! It’s in your fake postbox | |||
"Fake marriages only for me
Can I get an invite to the fake reception
Of course! It’s in your fake postbox "I better get the suit to the dry cleaners | |||
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"Fake marriages only for me
Can I get an invite to the fake reception
Of course! It’s in your fake postbox
I better get the suit to the dry cleaners "Bonus you can't get in trouble for forgetting a fake anniversary | |||
"Fake marriages only for me
Can I get an invite to the fake reception
Of course! It’s in your fake postbox
I better get the suit to the dry cleaners
Bonus you can't get in trouble for forgetting a fake anniversary"Oh you can | |||
"Fake marriages only for me
Can I get an invite to the fake reception
Of course! It’s in your fake postbox
I better get the suit to the dry cleaners
Bonus you can't get in trouble for forgetting a fake anniversary
Oh you can"Aww the first fake argument, I’m looking forward to the fake divorce party already | |||
"Fake marriages only for me
Can I get an invite to the fake reception
Of course! It’s in your fake postbox
I better get the suit to the dry cleaners
Bonus you can't get in trouble for forgetting a fake anniversary
Oh you can
Aww the first fake argument, I’m looking forward to the fake divorce party already "Believe me it’s not the first | |||
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"Fake marriages only for me
Can I get an invite to the fake reception
Of course! It’s in your fake postbox
I better get the suit to the dry cleaners
Bonus you can't get in trouble for forgetting a fake anniversary
Oh you can
Aww the first fake argument, I’m looking forward to the fake divorce party already
Believe me it’s not the first "I never fake an argument | |||
"For me personally marriage was like a three ring circus.... Engagement ring Wedding Ring Suffering " Couldn’t have put it any better myself mr smyth | |||
