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Dead bedroom relationship
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Been in a relationship for coming up on 4 years for about 2.5 years it's been a dead bedroom due to her mental state from financial stress and insecurities,
What should I do as I'm a horny guy and have some needs not being met. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being brutally honest here, you need to end it. You're too young to be trapped in this way. Has she no family to help her? Maybe you need to talk to them about her mental health and need for support. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take the bedroom thing away for a minute and look at the rest of your relationship.
I was in a similar situation but the sex was fine. I didn't look at the dependency of both of us. We continued and now we are separated but still living together with kids and can't get out. Its SHIT!!
As tough as it may seem you have to be practical.
Loo into the future as best you can and ask yourself do you think it will improve. There will always be something. Finance, stress, kids.
Alot of hard questions to be answered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I could walk away until she's more stable I just don't want to leave when she's at her lowest point "
There may never be a good time, the longer you stay the more dependent she will be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyway, I think the OP is asking more how he's going to get laid than how to help his partner, the kindest thing for you both is to end it, cheating on her isn't likely to improve her self-esteem issues if she finds out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyway, I think the OP is asking more how he's going to get laid than how to help his partner, the kindest thing for you both is to end it, cheating on her isn't likely to improve her self-esteem issues if she finds out. "
This is exactly right. There isn't a right way to cheat and believe me, ending it would be alot better than cheating!! |
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By *andytownMan
over a year ago
Gods Own Country |
"Anyway, I think the OP is asking more how he's going to get laid than how to help his partner, the kindest thing for you both is to end it, cheating on her isn't likely to improve her self-esteem issues if she finds out. "
Exactly this |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"I don't think I could walk away until she's more stable I just don't want to leave when she's at her lowest point
There may never be a good time, the longer you stay the more dependent she will be. "
This! You can still be a friend to her. Help her to get financial and mental support asap and wind up that relationship, it's not good for the two of you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You seem like a kindhearted man who cares about a person thats important to him. and that is lovely to see. But, as it is, it sounds like this relationship is taking a lot from you, perhaps even creating co-dependency.
The other posters give good advice. Mind yourself xx |
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Damm... I feel for the Op! Obviously there is alot of information missing here, but I would agree 100% with other whom have said end the relationship, it might not be an easy thing to do but it is the right thing to do , you are very young to be trapped in this kind of situation. People with similar situation to her never improve never get better because that is their key to keep everyone trapped and make it difficult to be seemly heartless if you take any action ! But I think abit of tough love is in order here that is how lessons are learn !
A good partners support each other and motivated each other to sail through life! It has to always be a 2 way street!
Or fuck your way around fab "discreetly" and live a shamble of a life !  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I could walk away until she's more stable I just don't want to leave when she's at her lowest point "
No offence intended but there is never a good time to leave really, are you going to wait intil she builds herself up just to knock her down again.... if she ever builds herself up that is. As others said the dependency may only deepen in time.
I dont mean that as a dig at you and apologies if it reads that way.
I was in a situation where the ex was financially dependent on me and she could spend like a mad billionare.
Eventually I wound up broke and stressed too.... and then she left me.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I somehow justify the 2 times I have cheated by saying its not cheating because its not even something that we do anymore so why even be monogamous, honestly I just feel trapped, |
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What I would say to you is go see councillor , there’s not shame or stigma with getting outside help
Some men think they can do it alone,but honestly to someone might bring you on a during you were least expecting
The girlfriend isn’t gonna pull out the stops cause you’ve a horn , park the sex for awhile and concentrate or what really matters,
Show her your supportive and caring and the rest will follow |
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Id take all the advice given and get out of dodge . It’ll only end up affecting your mental health , you will end up Increasingly unhappy and eventually develop a strong dislike toward your partner . You will be blaming her for the miserable life you will live . I understand your young and can’t see the future but it doesn’t look good from the way things are going for you two . Get her family involved , it’s healthier for both of you going forward . You will regret it down the line if you don’t make a move . |
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The more you fantasies about other women the more distant your love making will become, especially as you say the sparke has gone. If you really care get rid of fab for a minute put away all the distractions an focus on your relationship.
If it doesn't improve maybe suggest being freinds instead of lovers. It's a tough call when your their support, but serious matters, often take serious actions. XxTerry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your way too young to be I a relationship that seems stagnant, if she has mental health issues u staying and been a crutch isn't helping. My son is older than you and if he was in your situation with a relationship like that I'd be telling him to get out. Cheating isn't going to help her I the long run either it could be the straw that breaks the camels back, talk to her friends or family and voice your concerns over her mental health and finances |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would recommend read the book "Mind the Gap" pretty sure it's on Audible also.. I think it would definitely help you and your partner..about 50% of relationships face the same types of issues.. even the first chapter is super eye opening. It will change the way you look at sex and how you approach it with your partner. |
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Not wanting to sound like a broken record, and repeating all the other advice,,but you have to end it.you sound like a good fella ,but you are way to young to allow yourself to take on this burden.you are trying to do the right thing, but do it for yourself,otherwise you will start to recent her ,hopefully all works out for you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not wanting to sound like a broken record, and repeating all the other advice,,but you have to end it.you sound like a good fella ,but you are way to young to allow yourself to take on this burden.you are trying to do the right thing, but do it for yourself,otherwise you will start to recent her ,hopefully all works out for you "
Move on young fella and make it snappy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been in a relationship for coming up on 4 years for about 2.5 years it's been a dead bedroom due to her mental state from financial stress and insecurities,
What should I do as I'm a horny guy and have some needs not being met. "
Not easy at all and lm certainly not one to give advice in a situation like yours but IF you think solving her issues would mean that ye'd be back on track ..do so whatever way it takes BUT if you have other hidden agendas ..ie ..your sexual fantasies etc and you're not thinking of involving her well then that's only gonna rear it's head later up the tracks ..so l think you need to lay all your cards on the table for you yourself to see then decide .. however hard it seems...what you want to do ..like l said at the start..it's not an easy situation... |
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Omg, you're only 24! You absolutely need to end this. You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, and also, if she's already in a bad place, you cheating on her isn't gonna help.
If you feel she still needs financial support (which you don't owe her btw), you can make an arrangement to keep doing that for a certain amount of time til she makes other arrangements - but that doesn't mean you have to stay together. |
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I'm surprised and kinda delighted at the decent advice you're getting here.
I think you're getting this response because you're a guy. If you were a girl then it would be a different story entirely and they would be telling you its OK to cheat if that's your choice and trying to fuck you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm surprised and kinda delighted at the decent advice you're getting here.
I think you're getting this response because you're a guy. If you were a girl then it would be a different story entirely and they would be telling you its OK to cheat if that's your choice and trying to fuck you.
"
I definitely wouldn't id give the same advice if it was a girl |
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By *3nsesMan
over a year ago
Dublin |
"I somehow justify the 2 times I have cheated by saying its not cheating because its not even something that we do anymore so why even be monogamous, honestly I just feel trapped,"
People always find a way to justify their shitty behaviour. Otherwise, it would be harder to keep repeating it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I waited until my now ex wife was finally in a stable please before I divorced her and started again.
It's 19 years I won't ever get back.
Recommend you don't cheat ,if you don't want to cause unnecessary hurt to the girl.So break up and do your best to be kind.
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"Anyway, I think the OP is asking more how he's going to get laid than how to help his partner, the kindest thing for you both is to end it, cheating on her isn't likely to improve her self-esteem issues if she finds out. "
That’s what I took from it |
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