FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Working towards a kinder site
Working towards a kinder site
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
Having had the experience of having a single male profile for years , it has been illuminating to wade through messages on a couples profile some of which have been addressed towards the female of the couple .
My one learning point is that there is something we can do when messaging , if the time allows , to make it a kinder fab. Do I as a single male need to send very graphic messages to a couple or a female when they are not expecting this ? Do I need to fill their inbox with hi and other non specific messages ? Can I as a couple (or maybe a single female) post a pleasant response explaining that whilst I can’t meet I have found the person messaging me quite lovely ?
I am sure most are doing this anyway and any other ideas welcome . Whilst the meetings can be extraordinarily uplifting , being online can sometimes have a good And sometimes not so good an impact on me and I am sure many others are in the same boat .
Happy fabbing , you’re an entraining bunch that’s for sure lol |
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It should be a given but unfortunately it's never going to happen across the board.
In an ideal world people would take the time to respond with thanks but no thanks but as we hear every day that often leads to further interrogation and why nots? |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
Most people have ideas on how to make fab a better place but a lot forget it's a diverse place also and what works for them won't work for others on here.
Yes manners and no abuse should be a given but it's not going to happen .It's the internet and people hide behind false personas and fake profiles etc. No one can stop that happening and like I said at the top you can only control your reaction to it when it happens. That is what made me enjoy fab more anyhow . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
Most people have ideas on how to make fab a better place but a lot forget it's a diverse place also and what works for them won't work for others on here.
Yes manners and no abuse should be a given but it's not going to happen .It's the internet and people hide behind false personas and fake profiles etc. No one can stop that happening and like I said at the top you can only control your reaction to it when it happens. That is what made me enjoy fab more anyhow ."
Nailed it, we have no control over the actions of others, only how we react ourselves. Most shit isn't personal, it's not all about me, everyone has their own issues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
Most people have ideas on how to make fab a better place but a lot forget it's a diverse place also and what works for them won't work for others on here.
Yes manners and no abuse should be a given but it's not going to happen .It's the internet and people hide behind false personas and fake profiles etc. No one can stop that happening and like I said at the top you can only control your reaction to it when it happens. That is what made me enjoy fab more anyhow ."
This is true, dont take anything too personally, and being solid and confident in yourself is your strongest attribute here.
xx
pharmacies!!! ah sure the concersations go all sorts of ways  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
Most people have ideas on how to make fab a better place but a lot forget it's a diverse place also and what works for them won't work for others on here.
Yes manners and no abuse should be a given but it's not going to happen .It's the internet and people hide behind false personas and fake profiles etc. No one can stop that happening and like I said at the top you can only control your reaction to it when it happens. That is what made me enjoy fab more anyhow .
This is true, dont take anything too personally, and being solid and confident in yourself is your strongest attribute here.
xx
pharmacies!!! ah sure the concersations go all sorts of ways "
I'm on off site a few years now and unfortunately just like in life there's to stopping the abuse , nasty trolls etc as everyone has said all we can control is our reaction and our response. Thankfully there is a good wee bunch of guys , gals and couples who make this place fun.
As for kindness spread it where you can, lifes too short and its good to make people smile and be happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try most times but y'know, sometimes good old cause and effect takes over. I might be knee deep in some sort of mundane crap at home that is already testing my patience to the limit and it spills over. Here just the same as irl. I make no apology for it, because as much as I'm generally a very pleasant person, sometimes real life and other assorted shit turns me into a bit of a grouch. That's just life and it's rarely personal. I bite less now though, favouring the ignore/block and move on option. |
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In reply to the initial post....its an achievement to get any kind of response on here. I am always conscious that the person I might be messaging has no idea who I am or what I'm about so I do try to be as polite as possible. Most ladies just ignore you though. Its a pity they can't return the respect they don't even know they have received. At least it makes those I do talk to, all the more interesting. |
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"Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
"
What about a Tickbox option on conversations like:
Open to receiving Images Yes/No
(By default is No - and images cannot be attached until ticked yes)
Open to meeting Yes/No
(If halfway through the conversation you realise this person is a match then you tick Yes)
It would act as a filter for dick pics and also an easier and nicer way of saying, yes your sound and I enjoy chatting but no your just not meet up material.
Also Unsolicited Dick pics after ticking Yes can be reported, reviewed by Admin and incur a 72h message and forum ban?
And then 3 strikes and your out.
Just thinking out loud.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
Most people have ideas on how to make fab a better place but a lot forget it's a diverse place also and what works for them won't work for others on here.
Yes manners and no abuse should be a given but it's not going to happen .It's the internet and people hide behind false personas and fake profiles etc. No one can stop that happening and like I said at the top you can only control your reaction to it when it happens. That is what made me enjoy fab more anyhow ."
I disagree on the fact that you could say hypothetically that the OP might change even one guy or couples stance on the matter. That means there is a a comment that can be left that would inspire more to make the change themselves. Then a knock on effect. I think that's probably how change happens.
Not to figure out the secret combination sentence. |
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"Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
Most people have ideas on how to make fab a better place but a lot forget it's a diverse place also and what works for them won't work for others on here.
Yes manners and no abuse should be a given but it's not going to happen .It's the internet and people hide behind false personas and fake profiles etc. No one can stop that happening and like I said at the top you can only control your reaction to it when it happens. That is what made me enjoy fab more anyhow ."
This !!!!!!!!! |
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"Having had the experience of having a single male profile for years , it has been illuminating to wade through messages on a couples profile some of which have been addressed towards the female of the couple .
My one learning point is that there is something we can do when messaging , if the time allows , to make it a kinder fab. Do I as a single male need to send very graphic messages to a couple or a female when they are not expecting this ? Do I need to fill their inbox with hi and other non specific messages ? Can I as a couple (or maybe a single female) post a pleasant response explaining that whilst I can’t meet I have found the person messaging me quite lovely ?
I am sure most are doing this anyway and any other ideas welcome . Whilst the meetings can be extraordinarily uplifting , being online can sometimes have a good And sometimes not so good an impact on me and I am sure many others are in the same boat .
Happy fabbing , you’re an entraining bunch that’s for sure lol "
What you're suggesting sounds suspiciously like, kindness, tolerance and manners with a sprinkle of class. I think that could be a lot to ask from some of the snowflake diva peacocks strutting around on here.
I do wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Having had the experience of having a single male profile for years , it has been illuminating to wade through messages on a couples profile some of which have been addressed towards the female of the couple .
My one learning point is that there is something we can do when messaging , if the time allows , to make it a kinder fab. Do I as a single male need to send very graphic messages to a couple or a female when they are not expecting this ? Do I need to fill their inbox with hi and other non specific messages ? Can I as a couple (or maybe a single female) post a pleasant response explaining that whilst I can’t meet I have found the person messaging me quite lovely ?
I am sure most are doing this anyway and any other ideas welcome . Whilst the meetings can be extraordinarily uplifting , being online can sometimes have a good And sometimes not so good an impact on me and I am sure many others are in the same boat .
Happy fabbing , you’re an entraining bunch that’s for sure lol
What you're suggesting sounds suspiciously like, kindness, tolerance and manners with a sprinkle of class. I think that could be a lot to ask from some of the snowflake diva peacocks strutting around on here.
I do wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment though."
Bit of a contradiction!! |
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"Having had the experience of having a single male profile for years , it has been illuminating to wade through messages on a couples profile some of which have been addressed towards the female of the couple .
My one learning point is that there is something we can do when messaging , if the time allows , to make it a kinder fab. Do I as a single male need to send very graphic messages to a couple or a female when they are not expecting this ? Do I need to fill their inbox with hi and other non specific messages ? Can I as a couple (or maybe a single female) post a pleasant response explaining that whilst I can’t meet I have found the person messaging me quite lovely ?
I am sure most are doing this anyway and any other ideas welcome . Whilst the meetings can be extraordinarily uplifting , being online can sometimes have a good And sometimes not so good an impact on me and I am sure many others are in the same boat .
Happy fabbing , you’re an entraining bunch that’s for sure lol
What you're suggesting sounds suspiciously like, kindness, tolerance and manners with a sprinkle of class. I think that could be a lot to ask from some of the snowflake diva peacocks strutting around on here.
I do wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment though."
How boring would Fab become #entertainment factor   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Having had the experience of having a single male profile for years , it has been illuminating to wade through messages on a couples profile some of which have been addressed towards the female of the couple .
My one learning point is that there is something we can do when messaging , if the time allows , to make it a kinder fab. Do I as a single male need to send very graphic messages to a couple or a female when they are not expecting this ? Do I need to fill their inbox with hi and other non specific messages ? Can I as a couple (or maybe a single female) post a pleasant response explaining that whilst I can’t meet I have found the person messaging me quite lovely ?
I am sure most are doing this anyway and any other ideas welcome . Whilst the meetings can be extraordinarily uplifting , being online can sometimes have a good And sometimes not so good an impact on me and I am sure many others are in the same boat .
Happy fabbing , you’re an entraining bunch that’s for sure lol
What you're suggesting sounds suspiciously like, kindness, tolerance and manners with a sprinkle of class. I think that could be a lot to ask from some of the snowflake diva peacocks strutting around on here.
I do wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment though.
How boring would Fab become #entertainment factor "
PPV with all these wolves in sheep's clothing |
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"Bump
I try goddamit I try  "
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Bump
I try goddamit I try
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump "
I've a bump there's no baby thank god but I've definitely a bumpy belly too much cake not enough working out  |
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"Bump
I try goddamit I try
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump "
Bump?? |
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"Having had the experience of having a single male profile for years , it has been illuminating to wade through messages on a couples profile some of which have been addressed towards the female of the couple .
My one learning point is that there is something we can do when messaging , if the time allows , to make it a kinder fab. Do I as a single male need to send very graphic messages to a couple or a female when they are not expecting this ? Do I need to fill their inbox with hi and other non specific messages ? Can I as a couple (or maybe a single female) post a pleasant response explaining that whilst I can’t meet I have found the person messaging me quite lovely ?
I am sure most are doing this anyway and any other ideas welcome . Whilst the meetings can be extraordinarily uplifting , being online can sometimes have a good And sometimes not so good an impact on me and I am sure many others are in the same boat .
Happy fabbing , you’re an entraining bunch that’s for sure lol
What you're suggesting sounds suspiciously like, kindness, tolerance and manners with a sprinkle of class. I think that could be a lot to ask from some of the snowflake diva peacocks strutting around on here.
I do wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment though.
How boring would Fab become #entertainment factor "
Sometimes all the nastiness just gets boring though right? |
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"Bump
I try goddamit I try
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump
I've a bump there's no baby thank god but I've definitely a bumpy belly too much cake not enough working out "
Cake?! Where...me too, please  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Bump
I try goddamit I try
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump
I've a bump there's no baby thank god but I've definitely a bumpy belly too much cake not enough working out
Cake?! Where...me too, please "
Cake is our downfall but it's so nice |
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"Bump
I try goddamit I try
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump
I've a bump there's no baby thank god but I've definitely a bumpy belly too much cake not enough working out
Cake?! Where...me too, please
Cake is our downfall but it's so nice "
It's the pick-me-up |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Bump
I try goddamit I try
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump
I've a bump there's no baby thank god but I've definitely a bumpy belly too much cake not enough working out
Cake?! Where...me too, please
Cake is our downfall but it's so nice
It's the pick-me-up "
Oh now I like that way of thinking |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
"
There's a great Buddhist aphorism which says, instead of trying to cover the world in leather, just put on some sandals.
@Casual, I fully agree with your sentiment and I try to live up to it myself but I don't think it would be possible for the women on here to send polite replies to everyone that messages. Sheer volume alone would make it impractical. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bump
I try goddamit I try
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump "
Have I tried breeding lol. Sure isnt that what we are doing here |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"Fab is fab it won't change no matter how much people want it to. All you can do is change how you react to the things that happen on here that you don't like.
There's a great Buddhist aphorism which says, instead of trying to cover the world in leather, just put on some sandals.
@Casual, I fully agree with your sentiment and I try to live up to it myself but I don't think it would be possible for the women on here to send polite replies to everyone that messages. Sheer volume alone would make it impractical."
I totally agree. It was more of a general approach really . I mean you have to for example :
1. Actively log on
2. Go to forums
3. Choose a thread
4. Type a horrible remark about someone
Or you know , not do that . Maybe spend these minutes not making someone feel horrible. What might seem like a throw away remark about weight , genital size , erections, body hair , or something else like lifestyle choices (sometimes they’re not) might have a catastrophic effect on someone .
Do we know what the reader has gone through ? Do we know if they’re able for unsolicited criticism ? No. We don’t .
And it’s absolutely possible to have a laugh without being a bellend . I have literally ROFL as a result of reading some stuff on fab . I thoroughly recommend reflecting , finding hobbies or a therapist as an alternative to making people feel like shit .
That wasn’t a rant btw, and it doesn’t arise from an angry place. When I read nasty stuff I don’t feed the trolls . Others might not be so lucky to have my thick skin and by now a complete inability and unwillingness to give a flying fuck . Just google statistics on the psychological morbidity of the issues I stated above . |
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Been on the receiving end a few times. Basically chastised or blocked for just saying hello. On the lower end of the scale of things I'm sure, but it's still very aggressive. If you're that aggravated by such things I do wonder if fab is the place for you. |
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"
Or you know , not do that . Maybe spend these minutes not making someone feel horrible. What might seem like a throw away remark about weight , genital size , erections, body hair , or something else like lifestyle choices (sometimes they’re not) might have a catastrophic effect on someone .
Do we know what the reader has gone through ? Do we know if they’re able for unsolicited criticism ? No. We don’t .
"
100% in agreement here.
There's just no need for it, either stated on profiles or in messages and replies.
Lots of ways to handle non-interest without putting someone down. |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"I thoroughly recommend reflecting , finding hobbies or a therapist as an alternative to making people feel like shit .
"
Definitely. Anyone who needs to put others down to feel good about themselves has issues that would be better addressed in therapy or through meditation.
But that is beyond anyone's control bar the Person who does that. The only thing we can exert any influence over is ourselves and our reactions to things - and even in that we have less control than we actually believe.
If we can learn to recognise that, as you say, the person posting it has deeper issues we can learn that their comments have less to do with us and more to do with them. Instead of feeling bad about ourselves We can develop compassion for them bcos it must be shit to have to live a life where you're opinion of yourself is so low you need to put others down to feel good.
We can also examine our own reactions to what others say and ask why we are so invested in the comments of strangers on the internet. It's a completely natural phenomenon but it's actually something we can work towards being free of.
Sometimes people might touch on genuine insecurities but even those are things we can work on.
If our strategy for happiness is based on changing how others behave it is doomed to failure bcos we simply cannot control how others behave.
That's not to say it should not be encouraged, as you have done in your OP and I support wholeheartedly. I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thoroughly recommend reflecting , finding hobbies or a therapist as an alternative to making people feel like shit .
Definitely. Anyone who needs to put others down to feel good about themselves has issues that would be better addressed in therapy or through meditation.
But that is beyond anyone's control bar the Person who does that. The only thing we can exert any influence over is ourselves and our reactions to things - and even in that we have less control than we actually believe.
If we can learn to recognise that, as you say, the person posting it has deeper issues we can learn that their comments have less to do with us and more to do with them. Instead of feeling bad about ourselves We can develop compassion for them bcos it must be shit to have to live a life where you're opinion of yourself is so low you need to put others down to feel good.
We can also examine our own reactions to what others say and ask why we are so invested in the comments of strangers on the internet. It's a completely natural phenomenon but it's actually something we can work towards being free of.
Sometimes people might touch on genuine insecurities but even those are things we can work on.
If our strategy for happiness is based on changing how others behave it is doomed to failure bcos we simply cannot control how others behave.
That's not to say it should not be encouraged, as you have done in your OP and I support wholeheartedly. I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Very well put  |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"I thoroughly recommend reflecting , finding hobbies or a therapist as an alternative to making people feel like shit .
Definitely. Anyone who needs to put others down to feel good about themselves has issues that would be better addressed in therapy or through meditation.
But that is beyond anyone's control bar the Person who does that. The only thing we can exert any influence over is ourselves and our reactions to things - and even in that we have less control than we actually believe.
If we can learn to recognise that, as you say, the person posting it has deeper issues we can learn that their comments have less to do with us and more to do with them. Instead of feeling bad about ourselves We can develop compassion for them bcos it must be shit to have to live a life where you're opinion of yourself is so low you need to put others down to feel good.
We can also examine our own reactions to what others say and ask why we are so invested in the comments of strangers on the internet. It's a completely natural phenomenon but it's actually something we can work towards being free of.
Sometimes people might touch on genuine insecurities but even those are things we can work on.
If our strategy for happiness is based on changing how others behave it is doomed to failure bcos we simply cannot control how others behave.
That's not to say it should not be encouraged, as you have done in your OP and I support wholeheartedly. I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Would be all for developing compassion whenever possible , but doing so carefully in this instance . I mean in the troll/person being trolled scenario there is a clear perpetrator/victim dynamic . Our compassion should be directed initially towards the victim and the victim impact. This would apply equally towards understanding why people commit crimes etc but never losing sight of the fact that some people were really impacted upon by their behaviour ... |
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"Having had the experience of having a single male profile for years , it has been illuminating to wade through messages on a couples profile some of which have been addressed towards the female of the couple .
My one learning point is that there is something we can do when messaging , if the time allows , to make it a kinder fab. Do I as a single male need to send very graphic messages to a couple or a female when they are not expecting this ? Do I need to fill their inbox with hi and other non specific messages ? Can I as a couple (or maybe a single female) post a pleasant response explaining that whilst I can’t meet I have found the person messaging me quite lovely ?
I am sure most are doing this anyway and any other ideas welcome . Whilst the meetings can be extraordinarily uplifting , being online can sometimes have a good And sometimes not so good an impact on me and I am sure many others are in the same boat .
Happy fabbing , you’re an entraining bunch that’s for sure lol "
A response to a message would be nice for a change. |
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"Having had the experience of having a single male profile for years , it has been illuminating to wade through messages on a couples profile some of which have been addressed towards the female of the couple .
My one learning point is that there is something we can do when messaging , if the time allows , to make it a kinder fab. Do I as a single male need to send very graphic messages to a couple or a female when they are not expecting this ? Do I need to fill their inbox with hi and other non specific messages ? Can I as a couple (or maybe a single female) post a pleasant response explaining that whilst I can’t meet I have found the person messaging me quite lovely ?
I am sure most are doing this anyway and any other ideas welcome . Whilst the meetings can be extraordinarily uplifting , being online can sometimes have a good And sometimes not so good an impact on me and I am sure many others are in the same boat .
Happy fabbing , you’re an entraining bunch that’s for sure lol A response to a message would be nice for a change."
Maybe put your Wang away. It doesn't bother me but you're not trying to get me to talk to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation |
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"Bump
I try goddamit I try
Have you tried breeding ...that might get you a bump. Alternatively I believe you can purchase fake bumps, or just a cushion Depending on what outcome you want from the bump
Have I tried breeding lol. Sure isnt that what we are doing here "
But you need to lose the condom for breeding/creating that bump... just saying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation"
Tbh I read his post to mean managing our own reactions and responses to abuse/trolling rather than staying silent about others being targeted.
But agreed speaking up when you see something that is not right is important not so much that it will ever change someone's behaviour but it shows the people who may feel or are in fact targeted that they have support. |
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"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation"
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately... 
I find that's a very slippery slope personally... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally..."
Agreed, Text lacks tone and can be misconstrued. And sometimes people can be quickly triggered.
You'll get a community response on any thread but erring on the side of kindness in sensitive issues is better than not imo |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally..."
Personally , I think the only way for me to work out whether you calling me unprofessional for not ironing was unkind or not , is over coffee . Possibly almond croissants on top |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally..."
be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What I wouldn't give for a Text message!
Lads, a picture of your willy and the word "Hey" are not some magical combination.
As a Man, I'm learning so much about Communications,and the poor quality comms Men address to Women.
It's embarrassing.
Not looking for Pulitzer Prize winning content, but up your game boys, up your game. |
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"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English "
And that's it exactly! Some people just aren't as well able to formulate written text. In fact, they're often the ones who converse much "better" in person... and thank you |
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"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...
Personally , I think the only way for me to work out whether you calling me unprofessional for not ironing was unkind or not , is over coffee . Possibly almond croissants on top "
Was that me calling you out? Hardly, I never iron . That would be hypocritical. In fact, I believe I was standing up for you with the term "professional"...
I love almond croissants... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English
And that's it exactly! Some people just aren't as well able to formulate written text. In fact, they're often the ones who converse much "better" in person... and thank you "
I think I may be one who can't formulate a written txt properly.
But I be thinking as English is very good with you ,and I be guessing your a flaunt irish speaker also. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...
Personally , I think the only way for me to work out whether you calling me unprofessional for not ironing was unkind or not , is over coffee . Possibly almond croissants on top
Was that me calling you out? Hardly, I never iron . That would be hypocritical. In fact, I believe I was standing up for you with the term "professional"...
I love almond croissants... "
No I was flirting very badly . |
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"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English
And that's it exactly! Some people just aren't as well able to formulate written text. In fact, they're often the ones who converse much "better" in person... and thank you I think I may be one who can't formulate a written txt properly.
But I be thinking as English is very good with you ,and I be guessing your a flaunt irish speaker also."
Not a word of Irish Foreign national here |
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"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...
Personally , I think the only way for me to work out whether you calling me unprofessional for not ironing was unkind or not , is over coffee . Possibly almond croissants on top
Was that me calling you out? Hardly, I never iron . That would be hypocritical. In fact, I believe I was standing up for you with the term "professional"...
I love almond croissants...
No I was flirting very badly . "
Is there such a thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English
And that's it exactly! Some people just aren't as well able to formulate written text. In fact, they're often the ones who converse much "better" in person... and thank you I think I may be one who can't formulate a written txt properly.
But I be thinking as English is very good with you ,and I be guessing your a flaunt irish speaker also.
Not a word of Irish Foreign national here "
I knew it.more than English this girl has.
Kinda cool being able to speak different languages. |
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"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English
And that's it exactly! Some people just aren't as well able to formulate written text. In fact, they're often the ones who converse much "better" in person... and thank you I think I may be one who can't formulate a written txt properly.
But I be thinking as English is very good with you ,and I be guessing your a flaunt irish speaker also.
Not a word of Irish Foreign national here I knew it.more than English this girl has.
Kinda cool being able to speak different languages. "
It sure is...I've only got 2 fluent languages though. Unless you want to add cock and bull as a language . I admire those with more... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English
And that's it exactly! Some people just aren't as well able to formulate written text. In fact, they're often the ones who converse much "better" in person... and thank you I think I may be one who can't formulate a written txt properly.
But I be thinking as English is very good with you ,and I be guessing your a flaunt irish speaker also.
Not a word of Irish Foreign national here I knew it.more than English this girl has.
Kinda cool being able to speak different languages.
It sure is...I've only got 2 fluent languages though. Unless you want to add cock and bull as a language . I admire those with more..."
cock And bull I do belive is a language.
I say you speak French or German.
Defiantly not Chinese or japenense lol. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"" I just believe that more emphasis should be put on our own self-development to the point where we can have compassion for the trolls as opposed to getting hurt by them."
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...
Personally , I think the only way for me to work out whether you calling me unprofessional for not ironing was unkind or not , is over coffee . Possibly almond croissants on top
Was that me calling you out? Hardly, I never iron . That would be hypocritical. In fact, I believe I was standing up for you with the term "professional"...
I love almond croissants...
No I was flirting very badly .
Is there such a thing "
Yes I saw someone call the sister of the bride the mother of the bride once whilst flirting |
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""
...
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...
Personally , I think the only way for me to work out whether you calling me unprofessional for not ironing was unkind or not , is over coffee . Possibly almond croissants on top
Was that me calling you out? Hardly, I never iron . That would be hypocritical. In fact, I believe I was standing up for you with the term "professional"...
I love almond croissants...
No I was flirting very badly .
Is there such a thing
Yes I saw someone call the sister of the bride the mother of the bride once whilst flirting "
Maybe that's "honest" flirting but ooopsie |
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"" ...
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English
And that's it exactly! Some people just aren't as well able to formulate written text. In fact, they're often the ones who converse much "better" in person... and thank you I think I may be one who can't formulate a written txt properly.
But I be thinking as English is very good with you ,and I be guessing your a flaunt irish speaker also.
Not a word of Irish Foreign national here I knew it.more than English this girl has.
Kinda cool being able to speak different languages.
It sure is...I've only got 2 fluent languages though. Unless you want to add cock and bull as a language . I admire those with more...cock And bull I do belive is a language.
I say you speak French or German.
Defiantly not Chinese or japenense lol."
I don't think the Chinese or Japanese would understand my Chinese or Japanese |
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"" ...
When it comes to some Forum threads and posts and posters, where often a comment can be made tongue and cheek, rather than meant in a vicious or derogatory way, community response can very quickly turn into mobbing unfortunately...
I find that's a very slippery slope personally...be thinking on the same lines as that dearest.
Well put together.you have great English
And that's it exactly! Some people just aren't as well able to formulate written text. In fact, they're often the ones who converse much "better" in person... and thank you I think I may be one who can't formulate a written txt properly.
But I be thinking as English is very good with you ,and I be guessing your a flaunt irish speaker also.
Not a word of Irish Foreign national here I knew it.more than English this girl has.
Kinda cool being able to speak different languages.
It sure is...I've only got 2 fluent languages though. Unless you want to add cock and bull as a language . I admire those with more...cock And bull I do belive is a language.
I say you speak French or German.
Defiantly not Chinese or japenense lol.
I don't think the Chinese or Japanese would understand my Chinese or Japanese "
I find that shouting and speaking slowly automatically translates English into any language  |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"
Would be all for developing compassion whenever possible , but doing so carefully in this instance . I mean in the troll/person being trolled scenario there is a clear perpetrator/victim dynamic . Our compassion should be directed initially towards the victim and the victim impact. This would apply equally towards understanding why people commit crimes etc but never losing sight of the fact that some people were really impacted upon by their behaviour ..."
Absolutely, those who are on the receiving end of trolling/abuse should be supported and the abusive behaviour should be called out. But, if the goal is to bring about a change in behaviour to make Fab a kinder place then we need to go beyond simply calling out bad behaviour and consoling those who are on the receiving end.
Being compassionate towards someone on the receiving end of abusive behaviour is more than just offering consolation. It is to encourage them to a place where they are content enough within themselves that they no longer get upset when a stranger on the internet abuses them. Even better again is to get to the point where, not only are they no longer distressed by the abusive behaviour, but they actually have compassion for the abuser.
To bring about a change in behaviour in the troll we first need to have compassion for them. We need to believe that the troll is, underneath it all, a decent person with the capacity for change. If we treat trolls as 'bad people' then we're not going to encourage them to change. If we approach them with antagonism in return, they are unlikely to change their behaviour. |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
"
Thats an individualistic response, and valid Metta, but an added strand is community response - actively supporting the people targetted or actively calling out bad behaviour. No one gets stronger in isolation"
Absolutely. Both are possible and necessary.
My reply to casual (preceding this one) is more detailed on this point, but I don't think we are in disagreement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Would be all for developing compassion whenever possible , but doing so carefully in this instance . I mean in the troll/person being trolled scenario there is a clear perpetrator/victim dynamic . Our compassion should be directed initially towards the victim and the victim impact. This would apply equally towards understanding why people commit crimes etc but never losing sight of the fact that some people were really impacted upon by their behaviour ...
Absolutely, those who are on the receiving end of trolling/abuse should be supported and the abusive behaviour should be called out. But, if the goal is to bring about a change in behaviour to make Fab a kinder place then we need to go beyond simply calling out bad behaviour and consoling those who are on the receiving end.
Being compassionate towards someone on the receiving end of abusive behaviour is more than just offering consolation. It is to encourage them to a place where they are content enough within themselves that they no longer get upset when a stranger on the internet abuses them. Even better again is to get to the point where, not only are they no longer distressed by the abusive behaviour, but they actually have compassion for the abuser.
To bring about a change in behaviour in the troll we first need to have compassion for them. We need to believe that the troll is, underneath it all, a decent person with the capacity for change. If we treat trolls as 'bad people' then we're not going to encourage them to change. If we approach them with antagonism in return, they are unlikely to change their behaviour."
Personally l don't think Leopards change their spots, if people are aggressive and abusive l think they will remain just that , here or in real life, it's the Scorpion and the frog story, people will say what they think you want to hear then show their true colours in the end , that's my tuppence worth on all things online or in real life when you know people and l find it's just way easier to avoid them at all costs because simply my time is way too precious to be wasting it on those who l know are what they are and will never change . |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"
Would be all for developing compassion whenever possible , but doing so carefully in this instance . I mean in the troll/person being trolled scenario there is a clear perpetrator/victim dynamic . Our compassion should be directed initially towards the victim and the victim impact. This would apply equally towards understanding why people commit crimes etc but never losing sight of the fact that some people were really impacted upon by their behaviour ...
Absolutely, those who are on the receiving end of trolling/abuse should be supported and the abusive behaviour should be called out. But, if the goal is to bring about a change in behaviour to make Fab a kinder place then we need to go beyond simply calling out bad behaviour and consoling those who are on the receiving end.
Being compassionate towards someone on the receiving end of abusive behaviour is more than just offering consolation. It is to encourage them to a place where they are content enough within themselves that they no longer get upset when a stranger on the internet abuses them. Even better again is to get to the point where, not only are they no longer distressed by the abusive behaviour, but they actually have compassion for the abuser.
To bring about a change in behaviour in the troll we first need to have compassion for them. We need to believe that the troll is, underneath it all, a decent person with the capacity for change. If we treat trolls as 'bad people' then we're not going to encourage them to change. If we approach them with antagonism in return, they are unlikely to change their behaviour."
I suppose it’s hard having an OP about kindness then excluding trolls. Even recidivist ones . Hope you had a good holiday I remember you updating your status to say you were going on one |
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By *ettaManMan
over a year ago
Kerry and Dublin |
I'm heading home today Casual. It's been a great few days,
cheers.
I'm just saying, even with a focus on the person being trolled the emphasis should be on trying to get to a place where they are no longer distressed by trolls.
It's great to have the support of others but, ultimately, the only way to get to a point where we are content enough within ourselves that trolls don't bother us, is to work on our own insecurities.
Also, shifting our perception of the person doing the trolling can help. If an obviously mentally ill person came up to us and started abusing us we wouldn't get upset or feel bad about ourselves, as soon as we realise that they are mentally ill. We would more than likely feel some compassion for them. Feeling the need to put others down in order to make oneself feel good is, in effect, a form of mental illness.
This can lead to a kinder site. Firstly, bcos the person being trolled won't take the trolling personally and secondly, they won't react in such a way as to perpetuate the negativity,nor will the others who support them.
A compassionate response to even the person doing the trolling is more likely to bring about a shift in the perception and behaviour of that person. Which in turn can lead to a kinder site.
Which I'm sure we all agree is something worth working towards. |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"I'm inclined to believe everyone* is capable of change. Aggressive or abusive behaviour is usually learned and so, I would say, can be unlearned.
*With perhaps some limited exceptions"
Well an attempt should be made anyway
I mean that’s why prisons are largely useless in their current form . Punishment without rehabilitation
But the challenges with online trolls are
1. Hard to engage ; you can do a lot more face to face to find out what drives them to abuse others
2. They might use different accounts etc
I am obviously going soft. Was so furious last week with someone’s behaviour . Really awful trolling with the added unpleasantness of posting publicly about an individual they pretty much identified to everyone else |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm inclined to believe everyone* is capable of change. Aggressive or abusive behaviour is usually learned and so, I would say, can be unlearned.
*With perhaps some limited exceptions
Well an attempt should be made anyway
I mean that’s why prisons are largely useless in their current form . Punishment without rehabilitation
But the challenges with online trolls are
1. Hard to engage ; you can do a lot more face to face to find out what drives them to abuse others
2. They might use different accounts etc
I am obviously going soft. Was so furious last week with someone’s behaviour . Really awful trolling with the added unpleasantness of posting publicly about an individual they pretty much identified to everyone else "
When you're losing your temper it's probably time to say enough internet for today |
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By *asual777 OP Man
over a year ago
i travel all over |
"I'm inclined to believe everyone* is capable of change. Aggressive or abusive behaviour is usually learned and so, I would say, can be unlearned.
*With perhaps some limited exceptions
Well an attempt should be made anyway
I mean that’s why prisons are largely useless in their current form . Punishment without rehabilitation
But the challenges with online trolls are
1. Hard to engage ; you can do a lot more face to face to find out what drives them to abuse others
2. They might use different accounts etc
I am obviously going soft. Was so furious last week with someone’s behaviour . Really awful trolling with the added unpleasantness of posting publicly about an individual they pretty much identified to everyone else
When you're losing your temper it's probably time to say enough internet for today"
Yes totally agree |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
Just on a side note a (once off) abusive outburst isn't trolling or in other words they aren't the same, and need two different approaches imo.
Leaving trolling aside - and just to be clear I don't condone any abusive behaviour - verbal agression isn't gender specific and can be on a spectrum from very subtle to extremely crude, and the first can trigger the latter. |
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A Barbie sized vibrator?
You might fit a cock ring in one
