FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Separated people
Separated people
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I’m back ... after a few weeks ban. Hopefully this won’t get me one again.
Over the two years I have been coming and going there has been a lot about married people especially married men so this it for both sexes.
What is the take on separated people. Would the people that say they won’t meet married people ( and slate those that do even though some do anyway ... ye know what I mean) would they meet separated people. Do they need to be separated a certain length of time to be classed as single ... do they need to be legally separated. Do they need to be not wearing a ring. Does it matter. If not legally separated are they are still classed as married? If they were asked by there separated partner if they were with anyone else and they said no is that still cheating or going behind their back. Some could be on a break some might be truly separated. How do you know ?
Thoughts
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By *indenMan
over a year ago
Naas which is South West of Dublin |
Welcome back…. 
You only know what you’re being told, but I’d further simplify it to either being single or attached without going down the road of separated, divorced, married, timeframe etc. without the need for background.
Personally I’m happy to just say I’m single, which I am with no further explanation required. |
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If you're separated then your ex partner has no claim over what you do or with whom.
I would say not to be TOO quick to come in here looking for action though as you've been through a trauma and you might well need some time to get your head straight and figure out how to move forward. Potential meets could well be wary of very recently separated men. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Good luck |
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"If you're separated then your ex partner has no claim over what you do or with whom.
I would say not to be TOO quick to come in here looking for action though as you've been through a trauma and you might well need some time to get your head straight and figure out how to move forward. Potential meets could well be wary of very recently separated men. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Good luck "
No one is coming in too quick anywhere and been through any trauma. It was a general question. |
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I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general. |
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I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general. "
Think its all personal preference and if it doesn't affect you personally what does it matter what someone else does or say. We all have personal preferences or likes or rules don't see why someone should have to explain their choices.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am seperated (on the road to divorce) but would class myself as single, he doesn't live with me and we do not share finances or anything other than the custody of our children.
I would meet a seperated man but not a man who is cheating.. it will never be black and white but that's what comes with being human imo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. "
I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces.
I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am seperated (on the road to divorce) but would class myself as single, he doesn't live with me and we do not share finances or anything other than the custody of our children.
I would meet a seperated man but not a man who is cheating.. it will never be black and white but that's what comes with being human imo "
Exactly. Never black and white. If your married and gonna lie about it surely you just say your single and not separated.
I shouldn't have to never meet someone because financially we have to live together. I also get to stay with my kids. |
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By *issusWoman
over a year ago
Belfast |
"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general. "
Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life.
Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense  |
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"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general.
Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life.
Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense "
Im confused too..separated is seperated by the very nature of the word...ye are no longer together only 'married' legally until the divorce comes through....completely different to someone who is still married and living together |
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"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general.
Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life.
Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense "
I completely agree. I don't play with married or partnered if the significant other believes they are in a monogamous relationship. The status matters less than the integrity of the person who doesn't have the balls to have an albeit difficult conversation with their partner and would rather fuck around behind everyone's back, including the person they're fucking. (Don't get me started - I was just completely betrayed by an asshole who pretended he was single, which is utterly despicable as far as I'm concerned.)
If you're separated, the assumption is your partner isn't waiting for you to come home, and they don't have a claim on you. If your partner is still under the impression that they are in a monogamous relationship with you, you're still partnered/married whether you live together or not. This isn't rocket science, if you're splitting hairs to get what you want, that should be a red flag that maybe your integrity is shot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you are seperated you are an independent person you can do what you like to contribute to your own growth and happiness.
Just be honest with potential playmates about where you are at and ye can figure it out
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get what you are saying but you do have people on here saying “ oh he is married and I won’t go hear him” been separated is still been married in one sense .... right... so would people that don’t meet married people meet separated people even though they might be still married and this isn’t at you personally... it doesn’t make any difference if you are single or separated... just in general.
Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life.
Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense
I completely agree. I don't play with married or partnered if the significant other believes they are in a monogamous relationship. The status matters less than the integrity of the person who doesn't have the balls to have an albeit difficult conversation with their partner and would rather fuck around behind everyone's back, including the person they're fucking. (Don't get me started - I was just completely betrayed by an asshole who pretended he was single, which is utterly despicable as far as I'm concerned.)
If you're separated, the assumption is your partner isn't waiting for you to come home, and they don't have a claim on you. If your partner is still under the impression that they are in a monogamous relationship with you, you're still partnered/married whether you live together or not. This isn't rocket science, if you're splitting hairs to get what you want, that should be a red flag that maybe your integrity is shot. "
80% of 'single guys' on this site aren't at all. We'd be better off on T*nder where they show headshots |
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"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy.
I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces.
I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship. "
There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection. |
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I shouldn't have to never meet someone because financially we have to live together. I also get to stay with my kids."
Nobody has said you can't or shouldn't be meeting people,some have said only that their *preference* is for single guys over separated guys.
Your right to meet people doesn't oblige people to meet you, they also get to have their own boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy.
I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces.
I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship.
There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection. "
Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud  . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc..
You've a valid point, its not for everyone. |
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"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy.
I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces.
I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship.
There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection.
Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc..
You've a valid point, its not for everyone."
And it does sound like you have an actual, real, healthy separation... Many guys who are "separated" are in the very early stages where emotions are still high and there is no actual emotional separation yet. It can get very messy (from bitter experience!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy.
I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces.
I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship.
There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection.
Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc..
You've a valid point, its not for everyone."
Theres a lot more juggling to do alright. And as you say the consideration for your ex's feelings. My ex and I lived together for 2 years after seperating for practical reasons and it was tricky trying to balance our individual needs with the 'family' needs. But you also need/deserve that independent space for your own happiness, sanity and sense of worth.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy.
I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces.
I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship.
There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection.
Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc..
You've a valid point, its not for everyone.
And it does sound like you have an actual, real, healthy separation... Many guys who are "separated" are in the very early stages where emotions are still high and there is no actual emotional separation yet. It can get very messy (from bitter experience!) "
can you pm me? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy.
I'm separated in the family home. And both of us date. There is some secrecy but that us just not to rub it in each others faces.
I don't see how the secrecy matters though as I imagine the majority are not here to start a loving relationship.
There's a difference between common discretion and secrecy. In my experience, a guy who is hiding what he is doing from someone (whether a current partner or an ex partner) is limited in the times he can meet, how long he can stay, whether he can stay over, if I can have his phone number, when he can text and cannot etc etc. It's simply too much hassle, so I'd rather stick with guys who are fully single, as it can be on my terms with no compromises AND there is the opportunity for things to develop if there's a strong connection.
Yeah, I get that and I can't deny that happens. Even though we both know the other is on a date its not said aloud . And the staying over bit or meeting often can be awkward because you are still trying to be considerate and own your share of the parenting, chores etc..
You've a valid point, its not for everyone.
And it does sound like you have an actual, real, healthy separation... Many guys who are "separated" are in the very early stages where emotions are still high and there is no actual emotional separation yet. It can get very messy (from bitter experience!) "
There is still emotion there. She is the mother of my kids. But it is what it is until a time comes that we can afford to go our separate ways. |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
Crikey, it gets seriously complicated here to meet someone for nsa fun. Next thing is you've to ask or answer on which side of the bed to sleep in order not to hurt some leftover feelings, who your divorce lawyer is and of course the pps number.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself 
We might even be in the majority ..."
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright."
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're separated then your ex partner has no claim over what you do or with whom.
I would say not to be TOO quick to come in here looking for action though as you've been through a trauma and you might well need some time to get your head straight and figure out how to move forward. Potential meets could well be wary of very recently separated men. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Good luck
No one is coming in too quick anywhere and been through any trauma. It was a general question. "
Bit harsh . Thought the person was just being kind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married"
Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage. "
Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status  |
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married"
Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us "
That is the truth. Square peg, round hole but no regrets, and i wouldnt call any of it baggage. Its the ground I grew on |
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us
That is the truth. Square peg, round hole but no regrets, and i wouldnt call any of it baggage. Its the ground I grew on"
Ruba - you summed it up perfectly .. square peg/round hole .... and I see I am still blocked... wise decision |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us
That is the truth. Square peg, round hole but no regrets, and i wouldnt call any of it baggage. Its the ground I grew on
Ruba - you summed it up perfectly .. square peg/round hole .... and I see I am still blocked... wise decision "
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage.
Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status "
Hand luggage only, I always knew "the best day" of your life is a scam. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Perhaps you were wiser than all of us by not marrying .. we just perhaps fell into the trap and finally accepted we had made a mistake and that life was not for us
That is the truth. Square peg, round hole but no regrets, and i wouldnt call any of it baggage. Its the ground I grew on
Ruba - you summed it up perfectly .. square peg/round hole .... and I see I am still blocked... wise decision "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage.
Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status
Hand luggage only, I always knew "the best day" of your life is a scam. "
And cost a fortune for the privilege too!! |
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I'm glad that the traditional societal 'norms' no longer influence peoples decisions on marriage and kids.
I think Fab has highlighted the pressures on people over the past number of decades to settle down, take out the mortgage, have kids etc etc.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Folks!!
I've just read an article about this stuff in the Irish Independent by Mark Keenan called "HOME TRUTHS".Its a bit of an eye opener for those who aren't in the situation but wanna understand it more.
Have a read. |
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage.
Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status
Hand luggage only, I always knew "the best day" of your life is a scam. "
I have a baggage train... Lol.
I don't consider it negative, though. It has made me the man I am. Children, in laws,responsibilities, household.. All part of lifes rich tapestry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
Its rare to hit 40's(me) without having some baggage.
Everyone has baggage, regardless of their marital status "
True
I'm not looking for anyone to help carry mine though, so they don't need to know about it |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"I love the paradigm of someone "having a claim" over someone else
"
It's also called monogamy or the concept of owership, indoctrinated into us for centuries, and it's still very very very present on here. Yet we know humans aren't monogamous creatures. |
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"I love the paradigm of someone "having a claim" over someone else
It's also called monogamy or the concept of owership, indoctrinated into us for centuries, and it's still very very very present on here. Yet we know humans aren't monogamous creatures. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love the paradigm of someone "having a claim" over someone else
It's also called monogamy or the concept of owership, indoctrinated into us for centuries, and it's still very very very present on here. Yet we know humans aren't monogamous creatures. "
The longer I spend on fab, the more appealing monogamy is |
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"I love the paradigm of someone "having a claim" over someone else
It's also called monogamy or the concept of owership, indoctrinated into us for centuries, and it's still very very very present on here. Yet we know humans aren't monogamous creatures. "
I dont know... For me the 'monogamy' came from my personal commitment to someone in that particular way, and it was understood / taken for granted the same was expected and given.
However, somehow, it turns into 'possession' overnight, just like that, doesn't it? Together with being taken from granted, and all that.
And then on top of all that one has to "work for it", as if dedicating your complete life, resources, time and energy did count as 'working for it'.
Aaaanyyhoooo... I'm gonna spare y'all off my twisty/windy paths of thoughts (if they can be classified as such) |
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By *ogladyWoman
over a year ago
The bog |
"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married"
I was never married.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ...
I would say we are getting close to the majority alright.
For sure
I've come across very few who are like myself and never married
I was never married.."
Me neither |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its amazing just how many separated and divorced people there are .. and you never actually realise it until you become one yourself
We might even be in the majority ..."
Absolutely correct my friend |
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By *ilderMan
over a year ago
dublin |
For me any issue I have is with people playing behind a partners back, I don't knowingly go into that situation and always question it in advance.
Maritial status doesn't really come into it for me personally as things aren't always straightforward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Being married and cheating on your partner is not the same as being separated and living your own life.
Don't really know the point in the original question as I thought it was basic common sense
"
I will quote you as you said it first.
Yeah I agree..and think it is pretty much black and white.
If the other partner believes that they as a couple are in a monogamous relationship. And has not agreed to playing out side of the relationship.
This is what 95% of people mean and are concerned with on Fab. I would say and hope most people feel this is morally wrong (which it is),
And some don't. |
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Interested rhat people think having baggage or emotions is somewhat a negative, this is a site to put people in touch for casual sex, what does baggage and emotions have to do with it? And quite frankly, I’ve found single guys to be a hell of a lot flakier and over-emotional than separated or “its complicated”.
Also baggage in general makes people more interesting. If you havnt taken risks and tried new things, made mistakes and done stupid things, have you any interesting stories?
One of the most boring, pass-remarkable, conversationally inept men I ever met off fab had never married or had kids. It made me wonder... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interested rhat people think having baggage or emotions is somewhat a negative, this is a site to put people in touch for casual sex, what does baggage and emotions have to do with it? And quite frankly, I’ve found single guys to be a hell of a lot flakier and over-emotional than separated or “its complicated”.
Also baggage in general makes people more interesting. If you havnt taken risks and tried new things, made mistakes and done stupid things, have you any interesting stories?
One of the most boring, pass-remarkable, conversationally inept men I ever met off fab had never married or had kids. It made me wonder... "
I think I'm the one who initially mentioned baggage. I never said it was negative.
Infact I went on to say something similar to you a few posts after it. Baggage is good, its experience, its love and lessons. |
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"I would be wary of separated guys especially (as is now common for obvious reasons) those who still live in the family home, because in my experience that comes with all the same hassle and hiding as a married guy. "
what's the obvious reason? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bottom line being separated , married,with partner etc really doesn't matter, people really should hold opinions ( but most won't lol) to themselves on how people should live their lives but the only thing that should matter is everyone being honest about their situation to everyone else they wish to meet, so those people can make their own decision on if they wanna meet or not with full knowledge of.what they are getting into. Least be honest when comes to Fab your personal life is your personal life. |
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