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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes. It's a serious problem, principally enacted by narcissists, and vindictively, with the assistance of proxies."
Flying Monkeys - not always vindictive, they are sometimes unaware of being recruited by the master manipulators |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have actually done extensive reading on this topic, and although this term is not recognised by any legal or medical body in the world, I think its connotations are disgusting and you wouldn't want to aline yourself with it
Richard Gardner who coined the term, did so because his wife divorced him and took the kids, and he invented PA as an excuse to why his children made horrible accusations towards him.
He then spent his whole life's work afterwards, helping men off child abuse charges, claiming PA was the only reason these children lived in fear of their father.
If you look it up, 99% of "documented" claims, the person who crys Parental Alienation, THEY are the person who is actually the abusive narcissist, as their minds cannot fathom any other reason why their wife would leave them, or how they could ever be in the wrong.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but PA has become the go-to excuse for child abusers, and has caused a lot of pain to the real victims. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Again, I'm not trying to say anyone who claims they are a victim of PA is actually the narcissistic one, but if I was in that position, I would think of a different expression to use.
Because anyone who has read up on its history, will know the negative connotations associated with it. |
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Never experienced this personally but I know of a few who have but it didn't have a label.
Often those who are quick to call someone a narcissist or list their narcissistic tendencies are standing in front of a mirror while doing so. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Any one who has read on it extensively.will also know those who are genuinely victim to it suffer dramatic loss and heart break.balanced opinion is allways better.real people suffer from this. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
.Sometimes the one playing the victim is not always the actual victim.
And while I don't agree with anyone trying to turn their children against a parent just because a relationship has broken up and they are hurt and they want to hurt their former partner .No child should be used as a pawn in these games.
There are plenty of cases where abuse be it physical or mental and taken place and people outside are not aware and only the ones in the family are aware. And in those cases then yes keeping the children safe should be the main thing. And I've often seen the abuser being the one to cry about how they are being left on their own and how the partner has turned the children against them. It is more often they are annoyed that their partner has made the break and gotten away from a toxic relationship with the children .I've seen it first hand when my mother finally left my father and took us.He was extremely abusive to the point of breaking our bones when he was in one of his bad moods. However he would never admit right up to the day that he died that he did any of that and played the victim saying mum turned us against him. She didn't,he did that all by himself throughout our childhood which was filled with fear and terror of when the next beating would take place and the fear of what little mistake we would make that would make him explode. The worst thing was my mum was ostracised by so many because she left and he was given so much pity because he was left alone.
But that is my experience and I have seen where people have used their children as pawns to hurt the other when they have been nothing but a loving parent and that has got to be devastating for them when it happens. |
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".Sometimes the one playing the victim is not always the actual victim.
And while I don't agree with anyone trying to turn their children against a parent just because a relationship has broken up and they are hurt and they want to hurt their former partner .No child should be used as a pawn in these games.
There are plenty of cases where abuse be it physical or mental and taken place and people outside are not aware and only the ones in the family are aware. And in those cases then yes keeping the children safe should be the main thing. And I've often seen the abuser being the one to cry about how they are being left on their own and how the partner has turned the children against them. It is more often they are annoyed that their partner has made the break and gotten away from a toxic relationship with the children .I've seen it first hand when my mother finally left my father and took us.He was extremely abusive to the point of breaking our bones when he was in one of his bad moods. However he would never admit right up to the day that he died that he did any of that and played the victim saying mum turned us against him. She didn't,he did that all by himself throughout our childhood which was filled with fear and terror of when the next beating would take place and the fear of what little mistake we would make that would make him explode. The worst thing was my mum was ostracised by so many because she left and he was given so much pity because he was left alone.
But that is my experience and I have seen where people have used their children as pawns to hurt the other when they have been nothing but a loving parent and that has got to be devastating for them when it happens. "
Fair play to your mother it must have taken an awful lot of courage on her part to break free...and fair play to you for coming through such a horrific situation |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
".Sometimes the one playing the victim is not always the actual victim.
And while I don't agree with anyone trying to turn their children against a parent just because a relationship has broken up and they are hurt and they want to hurt their former partner .No child should be used as a pawn in these games.
There are plenty of cases where abuse be it physical or mental and taken place and people outside are not aware and only the ones in the family are aware. And in those cases then yes keeping the children safe should be the main thing. And I've often seen the abuser being the one to cry about how they are being left on their own and how the partner has turned the children against them. It is more often they are annoyed that their partner has made the break and gotten away from a toxic relationship with the children .I've seen it first hand when my mother finally left my father and took us.He was extremely abusive to the point of breaking our bones when he was in one of his bad moods. However he would never admit right up to the day that he died that he did any of that and played the victim saying mum turned us against him. She didn't,he did that all by himself throughout our childhood which was filled with fear and terror of when the next beating would take place and the fear of what little mistake we would make that would make him explode. The worst thing was my mum was ostracised by so many because she left and he was given so much pity because he was left alone.
But that is my experience and I have seen where people have used their children as pawns to hurt the other when they have been nothing but a loving parent and that has got to be devastating for them when it happens.
Fair play to your mother it must have taken an awful lot of courage on her part to break free...and fair play to you for coming through such a horrific situation "
Thank you.I don't tend to think about it .It's in the past there is nothing can be done to change what happened so no point in letting it affect my future .
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Yes. It's a serious problem, principally enacted by narcissists, and vindictively, with the assistance of proxies."
What a ridiculous and sweeping statement and shows your complete lack of understanding of what can be a complex situation.  |
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".Sometimes the one playing the victim is not always the actual victim.
And while I don't agree with anyone trying to turn their children against a parent just because a relationship has broken up and they are hurt and they want to hurt their former partner .No child should be used as a pawn in these games.
There are plenty of cases where abuse be it physical or mental and taken place and people outside are not aware and only the ones in the family are aware. And in those cases then yes keeping the children safe should be the main thing. And I've often seen the abuser being the one to cry about how they are being left on their own and how the partner has turned the children against them. It is more often they are annoyed that their partner has made the break and gotten away from a toxic relationship with the children .I've seen it first hand when my mother finally left my father and took us.He was extremely abusive to the point of breaking our bones when he was in one of his bad moods. However he would never admit right up to the day that he died that he did any of that and played the victim saying mum turned us against him. She didn't,he did that all by himself throughout our childhood which was filled with fear and terror of when the next beating would take place and the fear of what little mistake we would make that would make him explode. The worst thing was my mum was ostracised by so many because she left and he was given so much pity because he was left alone.
But that is my experience and I have seen where people have used their children as pawns to hurt the other when they have been nothing but a loving parent and that has got to be devastating for them when it happens.
Fair play to your mother it must have taken an awful lot of courage on her part to break free...and fair play to you for coming through such a horrific situation
Thank you.I don't tend to think about it .It's in the past there is nothing can be done to change what happened so no point in letting it affect my future .
"
Great attitude 
Hope my own kids grow up with a similar one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks for Sharing Bo. Great insight. My own marraigr broke down and thank god its relatively amicable and we still cohabit due to expensive moving costs etc. The kids still have a relatively happy home and have both parents around.
There was one instance where my sister in law accused me of not paying money, making everyone miserable etc.. I really had to look inwardly and soul search "was I doing something wrong?"
Anyway, it turned out my ex had told a few people these lies and eventually confessed and didn't know why she did it.
I suspect she knows why(and me too), but I'm still in the house. Both saving to try and bring it to a conclusion(I'm being very carefulof what I say and do).
I shudder to think how bad it could have gotten if her sister didn't say anything. What other lies would she have told. |
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I am constantly being accused of this by my ex when in reality he done it himself.
I have given up begging him to come see his kids and spend some time with them. He chooses not to because hes doing something or other,it has gotten so bad my eldest has decided to ghost him when he calls or texts because the child is sick of his lies and broken promises to visit. Then you have the youngest sitting waiting when he makes these promises to visit and never shows then its left to me to calm the situation.
I have asked the eldest numerous times not to ghost him because he is their dad but it is their decision to make they are old enough now and unfortunetly he was warned this would happen not only by me but his family also because of his own behaviour towards them. So it certainly does happen but the parent raising the children is not always the instigator of these issues,the person thats usually making these accusations can indeed cause alot of these issues themselves in their actions and behaviour towards their children |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am constantly being accused of this by my ex when in reality he done it himself.
I have given up begging him to come see his kids and spend some time with them. He chooses not to because hes doing something or other,it has gotten so bad my eldest has decided to ghost him when he calls or texts because the child is sick of his lies and broken promises to visit. Then you have the youngest sitting waiting when he makes these promises to visit and never shows then its left to me to calm the situation.
I have asked the eldest numerous times not to ghost him because he is their dad but it is their decision to make they are old enough now and unfortunetly he was warned this would happen not only by me but his family also because of his own behaviour towards them. So it certainly does happen but the parent raising the children is not always the instigator of these issues,the person thats usually making these accusations can indeed cause alot of these issues themselves in their actions and behaviour towards their children"
Unfortunately by the time he cops on its gonna be to late to rebuild. I'm one of the lucky ones that I get to still live with my kids. I spend more time with them now than I did before my separation just to drink them in as much as I can before I do have to leave. |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
"Yes. It's a serious problem, principally enacted by narcissists, and vindictively, with the assistance of proxies.
What a ridiculous and sweeping statement and shows your complete lack of understanding of what can be a complex situation. "
As the OP had chosen the thread's title, but had deleted their text, the purpose of my provocative posting was to elicit opinions about this deeply emotive subject.
Regrettably, I am acutely aware of this issue; and when a diverse range of opinions have been posted I intend to post a comprehensive message about my own traumatic experiences. Thanks. |
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"Yes. It's a serious problem, principally enacted by narcissists, and vindictively, with the assistance of proxies.
What a ridiculous and sweeping statement and shows your complete lack of understanding of what can be a complex situation.
As the OP had chosen the thread's title, but had deleted their text, the purpose of my provocative posting was to elicit opinions about this deeply emotive subject.
Regrettably, I am acutely aware of this issue; and when a diverse range of opinions have been posted I intend to post a comprehensive message about my own traumatic experiences. Thanks."
Why wait? Surely your opinion is equally as diverse as the others or do you feel your experience is worse than everyone else's? |
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