FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Is it ever ok for attached/married people to play away?

Is it ever ok for attached/married people to play away?

By *he Gent 2018 OP Man over a year ago

Cork

So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not here to judge, noone knows what goes on behind closed doors.

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By *t777Woman over a year ago

close by

We each decide what is best for us

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By *etmebeurfantasyWoman over a year ago

My town

No one needs to judge people know what they doing the risks etc

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By *adylaceWoman over a year ago

Waterford City

I don't do judgement. I just wish that they would let people know so that we can decide if we want to meet them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't do judgement. I just wish that they would let people know so that we can decide if we want to meet them. "

100%

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"We each decide what is best for us"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't do judgement. I just wish that they would let people know so that we can decide if we want to meet them.

100% "

yep. straight up honesty is the best policy, it shows respect and saves time wasting and dead ends.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts."

Who are we to judge.

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By *ublinGirl92Woman over a year ago

Hell

I don't care what someone does in or out of their own relationship. But I was deceived into meeting someone who was cheating on his wife even though I was very clear I wasn't comfortable meeting someone doing that.

It was a horrible feeling. I felt a lot of negative emotions for quite a while.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't care what someone does in or out of their own relationship. But I was deceived into meeting someone who was cheating on his wife even though I was very clear I wasn't comfortable meeting someone doing that.

It was a horrible feeling. I felt a lot of negative emotions for quite a while.

I fully empathise, its a deliberate disregard for your boundaries. very hurtful.

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By *etergemmaCouple over a year ago

South Dublin Area

Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO"

I am married here and my husband is also here . Neither of us judge others.

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By *rprotonMan over a year ago

Dublin

As long as you are upfront and honest about it, I don't think it's a problem. Now, whether it's someone's cup of tea, that's a different question.

I ran into a few profiles where they found the whole idea a turn on... So there ya go.

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By *issusWoman over a year ago

Belfast

Many moons ago I used to have a married fuck buddy. All seemed great - zero attachment and hot sex until the wife became suspicious. I cut it off there and then but it was too late. He broke her heart. They broke up shortly after.

Five years later I was seeing a guy who broke my trust. Karma turned back around.

He hurt me so bad - something in my mind has completely shattered to pieces. Now I'm struggling to find that trust in people again and ofter suffer consequences, suffer them myself and torture my current partner with them too. While everything within my soul knows my man puts me first in every step he takes- that something broken deep down inside is making it really hard to become a person I used to be.

That is literally one of the worst ever things that happened to me and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies nor would I ever willingly be a part of anyone else's cheating.

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By *etergemmaCouple over a year ago

South Dublin Area

"Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO

I am married here and my husband is also here . Neither of us judge others. "

Thats why I said most..

Don't believe me go back and look and numerous previous threads on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts."

whats your thoughts OP, since you opened the debate what are you hoping to achieve?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO

I am married here and my husband is also here . Neither of us judge others. "

I admire you guys so much what a amazing relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am married and would always say it straight out when sending a message.I also have it on my profile.When i get chatting or get to trust someone during meets,i tell them the background of my marriage and try and have them understand my situation.Reading a few of the comments on the thread from others,i think its horrible and very wrong how people are being deceitful and not disclosing their marital situation prior and throughout a meeting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO

I am married here and my husband is also here . Neither of us judge others.

Thats why I said most..

Don't believe me go back and look and numerous previous threads on here"

I then speak for us as a couple that doesn't judge anyone here or their reasons why. We all are entitled to our opinions whether people agree or not then so be it. It is a public forum so everything should be respectfully discussed without belittling people. I by the way am not saying that you are doing this. I have seen so so many here get on their high horse about how they never would meet anyone here that was attached and their partner not knowing they are here. It makes me roll my eyes as some knowingly know these people they meet are attached and it's only when it doesn't go their way they react with anger. I don't know you so obviously my opinion on what I've seen is in no reference to you at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO

I am married here and my husband is also here . Neither of us judge others.

Thats why I said most..

Don't believe me go back and look and numerous previous threads on here

so you do judge people? the eye-rolling suggests it anyway

this place is so full of gossip and he said she said you can never know the full story anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What if the story behind closed doors was: the husband is in a perfectly happy marriage but he is just a dick who cheats because he knows he can get away with it.

Would people judge then?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO

I am married here and my husband is also here . Neither of us judge others.

Thats why I said most..

Don't believe me go back and look and numerous previous threads on here

so you do judge people? the eye-rolling suggests it anyway

this place is so full of gossip and he said she said you can never know the full story anyway."

No just an eye roll at hypocrisy

Yes here is full of gossip and the he said she said. I've been the target of that the last few months and dealt with it by revealing the true story that couldn't be challenged. People can can believe what they want to believe we don't care.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We don't give a flying fiddlers what people's marital is. It's rarely even a question we ask.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO

I am married here and my husband is also here . Neither of us judge others.

Thats why I said most..

Don't believe me go back and look and numerous previous threads on here

so you do judge people? the eye-rolling suggests it anyway

this place is so full of gossip and he said she said you can never know the full story anyway.

No just an eye roll at hypocrisy

im not sure what this was but i am very sorry to hear it. the gossip is toxic and an ugly side of fab.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Single people generally dont judge on here, try asking most couples and the will tell you its a big NO

I am married here and my husband is also here . Neither of us judge others.

Thats why I said most..

Don't believe me go back and look and numerous previous threads on here

so you do judge people? the eye-rolling suggests it anyway

this place is so full of gossip and he said she said you can never know the full story anyway.

No just an eye roll at hypocrisy

im not sure what this was but i am very sorry to hear it. the gossip is toxic and an ugly side of fab. "

Unfortunately so Rub.

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By *iver80Man over a year ago

south side ,

"I don't do judgement. I just wish that they would let people know so that we can decide if we want to meet them. "
so true ,happened to me before

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By *ofusplusCouple over a year ago

Limerick

"What if the story behind closed doors was: the husband is in a perfectly happy marriage but he is just a dick who cheats because he knows he can get away with it.

Would people judge then?"

This is where I struggle NOT to judge. When someone admits to being in a happy relationship, or makes reference to a happy event with their partner (but is on here without their knowledge), it does get my goat. Mrs.

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By *iquidRavenMan over a year ago

Dublin

To answer the question - yes but probably not always though I don't really care as I'm not the one doing it and can't really know another's reasons. Think that's all the angles

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By *he English OneMan over a year ago

west

I think honesty is the way to go why would you want to trust a liar everyone has their reasons for being here and should never be judged if it's not for you then that is fine move on to someone that is for you

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

These threads are like ground hog day every time.

Why people can't just meet those who suit what they are looking for and don't worry about what others are doing and people might actually enjoy their fab experience a hell of a lot more.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"These threads are like ground hog day every time.

Why people can't just meet those who suit what they are looking for and don't worry about what others are doing and people might actually enjoy their fab experience a hell of a lot more. "

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By *he English OneMan over a year ago

west

"These threads are like ground hog day every time.

Why people can't just meet those who suit what they are looking for and don't worry about what others are doing and people might actually enjoy their fab experience a hell of a lot more. "

This completely Trump's my last post

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"These threads are like ground hog day every time.

Why people can't just meet those who suit what they are looking for and don't worry about what others are doing and people might actually enjoy their fab experience a hell of a lot more. "

THE END

Well said bo

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By *iscuits8Man over a year ago

Meath / Dublin / Birmingham

"These threads are like ground hog day every time.

Why people can't just meet those who suit what they are looking for and don't worry about what others are doing and people might actually enjoy their fab experience a hell of a lot more. "

Always the voice of reason is our Bo.

Same poxy thread every day or two

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"These threads are like ground hog day every time.

Why people can't just meet those who suit what they are looking for and don't worry about what others are doing and people might actually enjoy their fab experience a hell of a lot more.

THE END

Well said bo "

Respect and Honesty is the end please. cos without that you cant meet who suits you can you?

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By *dfabMan over a year ago

Dunboyne

"These threads are like ground hog day every time.

Why people can't just meet those who suit what they are looking for and don't worry about what others are doing and people might actually enjoy their fab experience a hell of a lot more.

THE END

Well said bo

Respect and Honesty is the end please. cos without that you cant meet who suits you can you? "

Keep an eye out for the honest ones. Some are probably too honest in their profile

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By *oft_sexy_sweetWoman over a year ago

Dublin

I find it mind boggling that folks on here will emphasise with a single person who was deceived into meeting with an attached person... But when it comes to having empathy for that attached person's partner, suddenly it's "who am I to judge".

"As long as they're honest about it" riles me up too because being honest with the person you're cheating WITH counts for fuck all if you're lying to the person you're cheating ON.

Undoubtedly I will be chastised for being on my high horse but if common empathy is a high horse now, I despair for humanity.

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By *adylaceWoman over a year ago

Waterford City

"I find it mind boggling that folks on here will emphasise with a single person who was deceived into meeting with an attached person... But when it comes to having empathy for that attached person's partner, suddenly it's "who am I to judge".

"As long as they're honest about it" riles me up too because being honest with the person you're cheating WITH counts for fuck all if you're lying to the person you're cheating ON.

Undoubtedly I will be chastised for being on my high horse but if common empathy is a high horse now, I despair for humanity.

I do see where you are coming from and I do empathise with the partner that is being cheated on that is one of the many reasons that I choose not to knowingly meet attached people. But none of us know the ins and outs of anyone's relationship and that's why I'm in no place to judge them either.

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By *rprotonMan over a year ago

Dublin

ok guys, after carefully considering what is being said here, I think it is high time I came out clean.

I am married. To four different wives. I have 2-3 kids per wife.

None of them know about each other.

I am capable of sustaining this financially and temporally.

I am looking for that extra someone cause all five of them bore me to death.

I hope you are all very understanding of my situation and predicament.

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By *adylaceWoman over a year ago

Waterford City

"ok guys, after carefully considering what is being said here, I think it is high time I came out clean.

I am married. To four different wives. I have 2-3 kids per wife.

None of them know about each other.

I am capable of sustaining this financially and temporally.

I am looking for that extra someone cause all five of them bore me to death.

I hope you are all very understanding of my situation and predicament."

Fair play to you. You've some stamina.

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By *rprotonMan over a year ago

Dublin

"ok guys, after carefully considering what is being said here, I think it is high time I came out clean.

I am married. To four different wives. I have 2-3 kids per wife.

None of them know about each other.

I am capable of sustaining this financially and temporally.

I am looking for that extra someone cause all five of them bore me to death.

I hope you are all very understanding of my situation and predicament.

Fair play to you. You've some stamina.

this aint no beer belly, its the fuel tank of my sex machine!

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By *ilthyNightsCouple over a year ago

East / North, Cork

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts."

My feeling would be that it's a serious betrayal of trust and is generally a "bad" thing. My view has evolved on this over the years as I have been both the cheater and the cheated, and neither feel good so I don't want the bad karma.

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By *ateniteCouple over a year ago

Youghal

Apart from the moral dilemma, there's the impractical logistics of meeting married people too and generally (in our experience) most only tell you they're married when it comes to the actual meet...."I won't know if I'm free until closer to the time", "I'm only free for an hour" or "Sorry you've booked and paid for the hotel but I can't get away tonight"

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By *ed just RedWoman over a year ago

Dublin City

"I don't do judgement. I just wish that they would let people know so that we can decide if we want to meet them. "

I spent a year with someone, became very good friends and very close to them, only to find out the was married with kids. He had lied to me the whole time. Genuinely still upset about it , more at myself for trusting him. I don’t judge, very people know my story but Fuck you for lying.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts.

I agree totally with you I'm married here and I cheating and I have felt bad after meeting but still want to go again but i tell who ever i message once they ask me and then usually blocked it like been stuck between a rock and a hard place I'd say a lot of single lads here are married

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By *hett and scarlettCouple over a year ago

Dublin

It’s a difficult one to answer. We say we wouldn’t judge because we generally don’t try to interact with someone playing anyway (regardless of the excuse or sob story) so therefore we don’t have enough information to take such a position.

But really, we do judge a little, being honest.

We are all adults and all make our own decisions so we also must accept the consequences. It does make you wonder how many of these people in a loveless or sexless marriage would be emotionally devastated if there partners ended things due to discovering their infidelity.

To be fair, they are easy to spot (lads trying to cheat) because they have regular communications windows and times of unavailability. They also tend to start to get the wobbles when the conversation heats up and a meet becomes a real possibility.

From our experience, there is a large selection of married males on here purely for the fantasy and wank fuel, but that vanish once things get real.

For us they are a no go area. There is potential for drama and usually there are significant issues with arranging things (times and payment of hotels). Also, if they are lying to a person that they share their house, lives, and possibly kids with, then why the hell would we trust anything they say to us?

In a way, we kinda appreciate the folks that say it in their opening message or on their profile, but still doesn’t mean we are going to smash genitalia with ‘em for the reasons outlined above, but it saves time and you can politely decline and move on immediately.

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By *ed just RedWoman over a year ago

Dublin City

"It’s a difficult one to answer. We say we wouldn’t judge because we generally don’t try to interact with someone playing anyway (regardless of the excuse or sob story) so therefore we don’t have enough information to take such a position.

But really, we do judge a little, being honest.

Bhahahahah. “A little”?

Hilarious.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A married and single section would help.i think

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By *hett and scarlettCouple over a year ago

Dublin

But really, we do judge a little, being honest.

Bhahahahah. “A little”?

Hilarious. "

Yeah, appreciate that it might seem like a contradiction.

Effectively, we’d distinguish judgement as being made on the generic situation, and not the individual circumstances of the specific person (because we don’t need to know their perceived reasons).

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By *ed just RedWoman over a year ago

Dublin City

I’m laughing at the assumption that you presumed it’s not enormously obvious how judgemental you are.

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By *hett and scarlettCouple over a year ago

Dublin

"I’m laughing at the assumption that you presumed it’s not enormously obvious how judgemental you are. "

Absolutely, and I clarified that we are judgemental of the act in my second topic post.

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By *al2001Man over a year ago

kildare

Its only ok here on fab

Go ask in the real world and see the answers

Or ask someone is it ok if their partner cheated on them

The answer is no

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't do judgement. I just wish that they would let people know so that we can decide if we want to meet them. "

Plain and simple

Respect & honesty is all someone asks for on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its only ok here on fab

Go ask in the real world and see the answers

Or ask someone is it ok if their partner cheated on them

The answer is no"

if divorce was nt such a big deal in this country when a marriage is nt working in other country's they just divorce and move on with life cheating wil always happen here or in the real world

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By *al2001Man over a year ago

kildare

"Its only ok here on fab

Go ask in the real world and see the answers

Or ask someone is it ok if their partner cheated on them

The answer is no

if divorce was nt such a big deal in this country when a marriage is nt working in other country's they just divorce and move on with life cheating wil always happen here or in the real world "

Seperation isnt a big deal in this country

This isnt the 80s

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By *ilthyNightsCouple over a year ago

East / North, Cork

"Its only ok here on fab

Go ask in the real world and see the answers

Or ask someone is it ok if their partner cheated on them

The answer is no"

Yeah it's true that there are standards, and then there are fab standards

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By *al2001Man over a year ago

kildare

"Its only ok here on fab

Go ask in the real world and see the answers

Or ask someone is it ok if their partner cheated on them

The answer is no

Yeah it's true that there are standards, and then there are fab standards"

Asking that here is like asking a fox is it ok to take chickens

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its only ok here on fab

Go ask in the real world and see the answers

Or ask someone is it ok if their partner cheated on them

The answer is no

if divorce was nt such a big deal in this country when a marriage is nt working in other country's they just divorce and move on with life cheating wil always happen here or in the real world

Seperation isnt a big deal in this country

This isnt the 80s

agreed d but a separation is only half a job like everything in this country . like abortion it all rules to make things complicated

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its only ok here on fab

Go ask in the real world and see the answers

Or ask someone is it ok if their partner cheated on them

The answer is no"

This would the problem, as I see it, with questions or topics such as this. Humans love to label and have definitive answers to things.

"Black or white"

"Yes or no"

"Gay or straight"

"Truth or lie"

"Male or female"

When, as most of us know, the reality is never quite so clear cut.

I can absolutely have opinions on matters, but those opinions don't necessarily (or often) conform to the reality.

And I wasted years of my life actively avoiding reality.

So to simply label an infinitely complex relationship between two people who probably share not only a marriage, but children and financial dependency, to something as reductive as "cheating" or "faithful", well, I think it can be incredibly myopic.

But to address your post directly, I personally attempt not to judge people whom 'cheat'. I've slept with married women without their husbands knowledge. It's not something I'm proud of but I have done it... And I can't say it won't happen again. I just don't know.

I'm attempting to address some of my more 'negative' personality traits and behaviors and this would be one of them.

I try to make a conscious choice not to sleep with married people who's partner is unaware of their sexual behaviour.

But it's not a moral judgement, it simply makes me feel better about myself and therefore makes my reality a little easier to bear.

The condition of someone else's marriage is absolutely no business of mine. What they do, who they do or how they act is none or my concern either.

My only concern is MY behaviour. And the only thing I can control is MY OWN actions.

I'm in no position to offer judgement on anyone, on or off Fab.

I'm a sinner myself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My real life is complicated as a single Mammy I rarely get a night off so I like uncomplicated meets with singles and couples who are definitely going to show up. The attached people can meet whoever they want they are equally here for their own pleasure just avoid my little corner of Fab. I hope they find what they are looking for on here. I was in a unhappy sexless marriage a long time I know what it's like. We all need to find a bit of happiness and joy in these shitty times.

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By *etergemmaCouple over a year ago

South Dublin Area

As much as i have no time for cheaters on here, (as a couple it goes against every thing that makes non monogamy special.)

You will have far more success on here by not disclosing it unless you happen to be meeting fellow cheaters.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My real life is complicated as a single Mammy I rarely get a night off so I like uncomplicated meets with singles and couples who are definitely going to show up. The attached people can meet whoever they want they are equally here for their own pleasure just avoid my little corner of Fab. I hope they find what they are looking for on here. I was in a unhappy sexless marriage a long time I know what it's like. We all need to find a bit of happiness and joy in these shitty times."

I'm cheating and hate saying it and I can only imagine what it is like been a single mom but a lot of wemen go off sex in a marriage and that does nt help the situation i think . I also think that more men than wemen cheat .I think the couple's here are doin the right thing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As much as i have no time for cheaters on here, (as a couple it goes against every thing that makes non monogamy special.)

You will have far more success on here by not disclosing it unless you happen to be meeting fellow cheaters.

if you disclose you are married you are just blocked and been honest a lot of wemen here are cheating too

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By *hett and scarlettCouple over a year ago

Dublin

‘If you feed a stray cat, it’ll keep coming back.

If it shits in your flower bed, then you’ve only yourself to blame.’ - Socrates

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think that the initial question is anywhere near as important as the why.

There is a great physician I have learned so much from names Dr. Gabor Mate. Hungarian born.holocaust survivor who is now a Canadian citizen.

His mantra :

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.” And the source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person's lived experience.

There are countless behaviours that can have very negative consequences or perceived as negative at least. Do I think a drug addict should take heroin ? No. Do I understand there is a pain to soothe (numb) ? Yes.

I spend a lot of time with the homeless community in Cork and the pain of their stories is palpable. People are very often conditioned by trauma which changes them inside which often requires a lifetime of healing.

Not wveryone chooses meditation and early morning walks to invigorate the soul. People often find comfort in forbidden fruits and take comfort from the positive aspects despite the possibility of catastrophic negatives.

We seem to think as humans we are "rational" when in truth many people are not.

I include myself in trying to challenge my awareness to be more conscious of biased behaviours not rooted in logic or reason.

Through compassion and love as time goes by hopefully more people come to a place of acceptance human behaviour is not clinically clean and even though we are far more neurologically complex than we know there is at the core of many humans some core human needs remaining unmet

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By *ublinGirl92Woman over a year ago

Hell

It kind of sounds like you're putting the blame of a sexless marriage solely on the women.

I don't think women go off sex as much as they go off the men they married. But I don't see many men asking themselves why that might be.

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By *hett and scarlettCouple over a year ago

Dublin

"I don't think that the initial question is anywhere near as important as the why.

There is a great physician I have learned so much from names Dr. Gabor Mate. Hungarian born.holocaust survivor who is now a Canadian citizen.

His mantra :

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.” And the source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person's lived experience.

We seem to think as humans we are "rational" when in truth many people are not.

I include myself in trying to challenge my awareness to be more conscious of biased behaviours not rooted in logic or reason.

I never thought I’d see a reference to The wonderful Dr. Gabor Maté on fab, but there you go.

Completely off topic but his advice on parenting and establishing stronger relationships with children are well worth listening to.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I never thought I’d see a reference to The wonderful Dr. Gabor Maté on fab, but there you go.

Completely off topic but his advice on parenting and establishing stronger relationships with children are well worth listening to.

Gabor Maté is a damned KING.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *al2001Man over a year ago

kildare

It kind of sounds like you're putting the blame of a sexless marriage solely on the women.

I don't think women go off sex as much as they go off the men they married. But I don't see many men asking themselves why that might be. "

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It kind of sounds like you're putting the blame of a sexless marriage solely on the women.

I don't think women go off sex as much as they go off the men they married. But I don't see many men asking themselves why that might be. "

agreed every day like financial ,children pandemics all strain a marriage

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think that the initial question is anywhere near as important as the why.

There is a great physician I have learned so much from names Dr. Gabor Mate. Hungarian born.holocaust survivor who is now a Canadian citizen.

His mantra :

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.” And the source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person's lived experience.

We seem to think as humans we are "rational" when in truth many people are not.

I include myself in trying to challenge my awareness to be more conscious of biased behaviours not rooted in logic or reason.

I never thought I’d see a reference to The wonderful Dr. Gabor Maté on fab, but there you go.

Completely off topic but his advice on parenting and establishing stronger relationships with children are well worth listening to.

I've never listened and not learnes from him. He was recently on with Russell Brand speaking about the Israel/Palestine situation. As articulate and compassionate as you might expect. Phenomenal guy

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've never listened and not learnes from him. He was recently on with Russell Brand speaking about the Israel/Palestine situation. As articulate and compassionate as you might expect. Phenomenal guy "

I shall have to take a look!

Thank you.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've never listened and not learnes from him. He was recently on with Russell Brand speaking about the Israel/Palestine situation. As articulate and compassionate as you might expect. Phenomenal guy

I shall have to take a look!

Thank you.

You're very welcome !! Hope you get something from it. Xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its not just men that stray. It seems to be far more acceptable here on fab and ignored if its a woman who chooses to cheat. My main issue with this topic is the double standard's of "some people" posting here and on previous similar topics.

I still say I don't judge anyone's reason for being here as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Everybody is entitled to their opinion.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts."

My thoughts? Only the people in a relationship can decide (together) what is "ok" in the context of that relationship and it's boundaries. The idea that people would canvass the approval of strangers is somewhat hilarious. We all have our own "truth" as the current narrative goes, and the less we check in with the involved party or parties, the more likely this truth will diverge from the version the other holds.

As for "I don't judge", that's simply the fab version of the moral high ground.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts.

As for "I don't judge", that's simply the fab version of the moral high ground."

Whether you think I'm taking the fab version of the moral high ground or not is irrelevant to me. I don't care as to why anyone else is here as its only my marriage that is my business as is anyones else's marriage or relationship here.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m happily married and on here with my wife’s permission. I don’t really try to have an opinion of anyone who is on here without their spouse’s permission because everyone has their own reasons and frankly what they do in their life is none of my business.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As for "I don't judge", that's simply the fab version of the moral high ground."

If you interpret that stance as the moral high ground, well, at the risk of sounding repetitive, that's just your opinion.

I would have thought the "CHEATING IS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES" contingent would have had claim to that particular high ground.

But hey - that's my take.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *iam756Man over a year ago

Dublin/Kildare laois

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts.

Who are we to judge. "

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts.

As for "I don't judge", that's simply the fab version of the moral high ground.

If I were addressing your post,I would have quoted it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts."

back to the topic and it's not ok to cheat commitments that are made should not be broke people here some want to enjoy the swing side of life and more just looking for a hook up needs to be a second web site tbh ask as many people as you want each wil have their own feeling on the topic i think a lot cheat once or twice another notch on the belt situation

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ed_AliceWoman over a year ago

Belfast

"I don't think that the initial question is anywhere near as important as the why.

There is a great physician I have learned so much from names Dr. Gabor Mate. Hungarian born.holocaust survivor who is now a Canadian citizen.

His mantra :

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.” And the source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person's lived experience.

I must go read/listen to more from this guy, sounds like he had some good wisdom.

However, applying this compassion theory to this thread. I don't need to know why someone is seeking sex outside of their relationship without their partner's consent to assert my boundary/preference not to engage.

I certainly don't need to be made to feel I owe them a pity fuck.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think that the initial question is anywhere near as important as the why.

There is a great physician I have learned so much from names Dr. Gabor Mate. Hungarian born.holocaust survivor who is now a Canadian citizen.

His mantra :

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.” And the source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person's lived experience.

I must go read/listen to more from this guy, sounds like he had some good wisdom.

I certainly don't need to be made to feel I owe them a pity fuck."

Certainly you don't owe them a pity fuck or anyone else for that matter . You are fully entitled to your own boundaries and it is possible to extend compassion to someone on their journey without having to facilitate or judge them.

He was on the "2 norries podcast" a couple of weeks back. 2 inspirational cork gentlemen with their own history of trauma/addiction/crime/recovery and flourishing now.

He has a few fantastic books and a fortune of talks on youtube which really is an incredible resource for those with access to the net

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *r Bond and Miss PennyCouple over a year ago

Derry

There is nothing wrong with couples agreeing to meet other people on their own if that is their thing ..it doesnt mean there is something wrong with their relationship ..it means they have agreed what they want in their relationship ..but doing it behind each others back .now...that's lack of trust ..and a relationship without trust is lacking .. just our view..thanks x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some of the posts on this thread are making me laugh and the usual people throwing a wobble over a different opinion

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some of the posts on this thread are making me laugh and the usual people throwing a wobble over a different opinion

Yeah sometimes I get through these large threads and lose intrest but this one kept me entertained. It's no wonder those Australian universities love a good study of us sex apes.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *3nsesMan over a year ago

Dublin

[Removed by poster at 04/06/21 17:17:11]

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *3nsesMan over a year ago

Dublin

I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

That's what happens people read a message from me. They judge my messages, they judge my profile, they judge my photos, they judge my age, height, weight, my lack of verifications, my grammar, my personality.

We all judge people and those judgements allow us to make decisions. The concept that we shouldn't judge people, or judging people is wrong goes against the whole point of this website imo. Doesn't mean you have to be an asshole about things either though.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aint_or_SinnerWoman over a year ago

South County Dublin

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult"

I do love a bit of honesty!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ara198Woman over a year ago

maynooth

As a married woman in an unhappy marriage for 13 years with a husband with serious issues, health and otherwise, tried multiple interventions and approaches to try to keep the marriage going, mainly one sided effort. After 2 years of no sex I decided to join another site, not fab to see could I meet someone else for sex. It was a physical need that was unfulfilled. At the time leaving the relationship wasn't an option. And the loneliness was horrendous. Is it dishonest, yes. Life is very short and you have to make the best of of it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a married woman in an unhappy marriage for 13 years with a husband with serious issues, health and otherwise, tried multiple interventions and approaches to try to keep the marriage going, mainly one sided effort. After 2 years of no sex I decided to join another site, not fab to see could I meet someone else for sex. It was a physical need that was unfulfilled. At the time leaving the relationship wasn't an option. And the loneliness was horrendous. Is it dishonest, yes. Life is very short and you have to make the best of of it. "

Refreshing and admirable to see such honesty..

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some of the posts on this thread are making me laugh and the usual people throwing a wobble over a different opinion

Id say you arent alone there, where's the OP gone, did he just throw this old reliable Fab grenade for shits and giggles

anyhoo...

the Fab wheel continues to turn...

have a good weekend all

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ublinGirl92Woman over a year ago

Hell

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult"

Absolutely agree with this. Spot on.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *he English OneMan over a year ago

west

This thread still going? something tells me it's going to be a long weekend

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult"

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

Do we extend our judgement and condemnation to those people as well? Or are we willing to accept that people's lives and relationships may be infinitely more complex than we might ever know and leave it to them to make their own decisions?

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ofusplusCouple over a year ago

Limerick

Thanks for sharing Kara, sending hugs your way xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

Kudos. Nailed it

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ofusplusCouple over a year ago

Limerick

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

Not forgetting Prince Charles

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

Not forgetting Prince Charles

Best reply by far!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ickalotMan over a year ago

city

Swinging is all about trust and openess.its meant to be fun.and nothing is fun if u have to lie and decive .thats just my take on it anyway.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Swinging is all about trust and openess.its meant to be fun.and nothing is fun if u have to lie and decive .thats just my take on it anyway."

Poker.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aint_or_SinnerWoman over a year ago

South County Dublin

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

The definition of judgement:

"the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions" and "an opinion or conclusion"

I reckon neither of you will have a problem getting laid, though a cat fight between the two of you might be entertaining

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I reckon neither of you will have a problem getting laid, though a cat fight between the two of you might be entertaining

I'm a lover, not a fighter

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aint_or_SinnerWoman over a year ago

South County Dublin

I reckon neither of you will have a problem getting laid, though a cat fight between the two of you might be entertaining

I'm a lover, not a fighter

Glad to know you won't be responsible for the next nuclear explosion

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *3nsesMan over a year ago

Dublin

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

The definition of judgement:

"the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions" and "an opinion or conclusion"

I reckon neither of you will have a problem getting laid, though a cat fight between the two of you might be entertaining

You'd be the one entertaining us, not the other way around.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aint_or_SinnerWoman over a year ago

South County Dublin

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

The definition of judgement:

"the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions" and "an opinion or conclusion"

I reckon neither of you will have a problem getting laid, though a cat fight between the two of you might be entertaining

You'd be the one entertaining us, not the other way around.

A bit of mud wrestling or a wet t-shirt competition

I'll be the judge

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rprotonMan over a year ago

Dublin

A bit of mud wrestling or a wet t-shirt competition

I'll be the judge

What paraphernalia do they wield into the arena and what constitutes a win?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *3nsesMan over a year ago

Dublin

A bit of mud wrestling or a wet t-shirt competition

I'll be the judge

I think you'd look good in a wet t-shirt so I'll go with that. I wouldn't want you to have to get covered in mud just for me.

I just hope you're able to handle some stiff competition.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aint_or_SinnerWoman over a year ago

South County Dublin

A bit of mud wrestling or a wet t-shirt competition

I'll be the judge

I think you'd look good in a wet t-shirt so I'll go with that. I wouldn't want you to have to get covered in mud just for me.

I just hope you're able to handle some stiff competition. "

Well, I'm the judge so I wouldn't be getting wet

but I don't mind getting dirty

As for stiff competition, I'd hope you would be lol

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *aint_or_SinnerWoman over a year ago

South County Dublin

A bit of mud wrestling or a wet t-shirt competition

I'll be the judge

What paraphernalia do they wield into the arena and what constitutes a win? "

Glow in the dark dildos! As for the win, I'll go with my gut on the day

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rprotonMan over a year ago

Dublin

A bit of mud wrestling or a wet t-shirt competition

I'll be the judge

What paraphernalia do they wield into the arena and what constitutes a win?

Glow in the dark dildos! As for the win, I'll go with my gut on the day

Ah, a proper jedi theme then, all with sound effects. I am just worried that the feeling won't be just a 'gut' one

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *3nsesMan over a year ago

Dublin

A bit of mud wrestling or a wet t-shirt competition

I'll be the judge

I think you'd look good in a wet t-shirt so I'll go with that. I wouldn't want you to have to get covered in mud just for me.

I just hope you're able to handle some stiff competition.

Well, I'm the judge so I wouldn't be getting wet

but I don't mind getting dirty

As for stiff competition, I'd hope you would be lol

Oh trust me, you'd definitely be getting wet.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hett and scarlettCouple over a year ago

Dublin

A bit of mud wrestling or a wet t-shirt competition

I'll be the judge

What paraphernalia do they wield into the arena and what constitutes a win?

Glow in the dark dildos! As for the win, I'll go with my gut on the day

Ah, a proper jedi theme then, all with sound effects. I am just worried that the feeling won't be just a 'gut' one

Just make sure you get the high ground first

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

The definition of judgement:

"the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions" and "an opinion or conclusion"

I reckon neither of you will have a problem getting laid, though a cat fight between the two of you might be entertaining

While I agree with points of both posters, I think it's only fair to add the following

The definition of Appraise is

"to examine someone or something in order to judge their qualities, success, or needs"

So in this instance I would suggest both points are the same! Everyone forms an opinion, whether that's from judging or appraising is irrelevant as that would be just wordplay.

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By *aint_or_SinnerWoman over a year ago

South County Dublin

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

The definition of judgement:

"the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions" and "an opinion or conclusion"

I reckon neither of you will have a problem getting laid, though a cat fight between the two of you might be entertaining

While I agree with points of both posters, I think it's only fair to add the following

The definition of Appraise is

"to examine someone or something in order to judge their qualities, success, or needs"

So in this instance I would suggest both points are the same! Everyone forms an opinion, whether that's from judging or appraising is irrelevant as that would be just wordplay.

Oh, nice one, someone else to add to the mud wrestling!

And plenty of on-lookers for sound and light effects

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By *antra MassageMan over a year ago

Wicklow

OP.. Try putting this topic on the UK or French forum page. You'll get a more balanced, considered response. This topic seems to excite (and incite) some fabbers here.

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By *hilaboutMan over a year ago

kilkenny

Ah it is what it is live n let live I say

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I judge people. That's why I am here. That's what I do when I read threads, profiles and look at pictures.

If you are willing to deceive the person you are married to then I will judge you for that. Actions have consequences, welcome to the joys of being an adult

I humbly disagree.

We don't judge, not in the sense that we applaud or condemn.

We appraise and form a very scant opinion on someone based upon what little information is presented to us on site.

I personally don't come here to judge people. I come here to find like minded individuals, to make friends, and hopefully engage in the type of sex I enjoy.

If I receive a message from a profile I have no interest in, I don't judge the sender. I just delete the message or say thanks but no thanks.

And judging people isn't necessarily morally wrong, I'm just of the opinion that not many people are qualified to make judgements or to pronounce those same judgements based on a Fab profile.

Let's see....

Princess Diana

John F. Kennedy

Bill Clinton

Elvis

Tom Jones

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eddie Murphy

Tiger Woods

Gwen Stefani

Clare Danes

Martin Luther King

Amy Koch

Napoleon

Catherine The Great

Gertrude Stein

Tennesse Williams

Truman Capote

Evita

Just some of the people who engaged in extra marital affairs without their spouses consent.

I don't think anyone should come to Fab to judge anyone else.

Frankly, I'm here to get laid man.

The definition of judgement:

"the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions" and "an opinion or conclusion"

I reckon neither of you will have a problem getting laid, though a cat fight between the two of you might be entertaining

While I agree with points of both posters, I think it's only fair to add the following

The definition of Appraise is

"to examine someone or something in order to judge their qualities, success, or needs"

So in this instance I would suggest both points are the same! Everyone forms an opinion, whether that's from judging or appraising is irrelevant as that would be just wordplay.

Oh, nice one, someone else to add to the mud wrestling!

And plenty of on-lookers for sound and light effects"

Mud what now?

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By *dfabMan over a year ago

Dunboyne

"I don't do judgement. I just wish that they would let people know so that we can decide if we want to meet them.

He was a complete gobshite.

Sorry you went through that BS!

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By *dfabMan over a year ago

Dunboyne

"So what’s the feeling on married people playing away here or anywhere without their partner’s knowledge. Is it ever ok? Love to get peoples thoughts.

Put it on your profile.

Then, if they contact you, you'll know that they know.

Simple

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By *dfabMan over a year ago

Dunboyne

Ah here!

Not health but repression issues and others but similar story.

Complete lack of sexual/physical contact.

Similar but not exactly same

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m married and playing away.

Not maliciously but in a sexless marriage

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"I am married and would always say it straight out when sending a message.I also have it on my profile.When i get chatting or get to trust someone during meets,i tell them the background of my marriage and try and have them understand my situation.Reading a few of the comments on the thread from others,i think its horrible and very wrong how people are being deceitful and not disclosing their marital situation prior and throughout a meeting."

Is it as horrible and wrong to be deceitful and dishonest with your life partner?

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By *he English OneMan over a year ago

west

[Removed by poster at 05/06/21 09:20:40]

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By *he English OneMan over a year ago

west

[Removed by poster at 05/06/21 09:20:34]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just think it's very unfair on the partner that's been blind sighted. I really get confused by the the profile description of "married, trustworthy, reliable, honest, respectful , DISCREET,(Discreet is the buzz word for im cheating) and im just over here sitting on my high horse wondering have I been taught the wrong meaning for the above... or are they actually sneaky liars considering they are destroying the person they supposedly love.

And I dont want to be a woman who tears another down

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"I just think it's very unfair on the partner that's been blind sighted. I really get confused by the the profile description of "married, trustworthy, reliable, honest, respectful , DISCREET,(Discreet is the buzz word for im cheating) and im just over here sitting on my high horse wondering have I been taught the wrong meaning for the above... or are they actually sneaky liars considering they are destroying the person they supposedly love.

And I dont want to be a woman who tears another down "

This is so true.

As we understood swinging was about being open and honest, however once again it is an example of something that has been twisted and used as a tool to disrespect others.

It isn't about being judgemental, it is about people behaving in a truly honest way, not just using honesty as a tool.

We are sure these comments will stir a defence of cheating!!

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By *etergemmaCouple over a year ago

South Dublin Area

And I dont want to be a woman who tears another down

This is so true.

As we understood swinging was about being open and honest, however once again it is an example of something that has been twisted and used as a tool to disrespect others.

It isn't about being judgemental, it is about people behaving in a truly honest way, not just using honesty as a tool.

We are sure these comments will stir a defence of cheating!!"
this

Hence the reason experienced couples for most part are completely against cheaters.

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By *aid backMan over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

If you take the question about cheating being ok or not out of the context of a relationship see if you think it's ok ?

Do you think it's ok to cheat in exams?

Do you think it's ok for politicians to cheat on their expenses ,?

If you're playing poker is it ok for others to cheat ?

If someone cheats at a sport is it ok ?

Yes it happens and everyone has their reasons for cheating but that's for them to try and rationalise just be honest about it so people can decide if they want to meet you or not.

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"If you take the question about cheating being ok or not out of the context of a relationship see if you think it's ok ?

Do you think it's ok to cheat in exams?

Do you think it's ok for politicians to cheat on their expenses ,?

If you're playing poker is it ok for others to cheat ?

If someone cheats at a sport is it ok ?

Yes it happens and everyone has their reasons for cheating but that's for them to try and rationalise just be honest about it so people can decide if they want to meet you or not."

Yes it happens.

We are always looking for new thoughts, so where is cheating ever ok?

What reasons make it ok??

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By *etergemmaCouple over a year ago

South Dublin Area

"If you take the question about cheating being ok or not out of the context of a relationship see if you think it's ok ?

Do you think it's ok to cheat in exams?

Do you think it's ok for politicians to cheat on their expenses ,?

If you're playing poker is it ok for others to cheat ?

If someone cheats at a sport is it ok ?

Yes it happens and everyone has their reasons for cheating but that's for them to try and rationalise just be honest about it so people can decide if they want to meet you or not.

Yes it happens.

We are always looking for new thoughts, so where is cheating ever ok?

What reasons make it ok??"
Isnt that the question that no one ever seems be able to answer?

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By *asual777Man over a year ago

i travel all over

Do we think this thread is judgey Enough ?

If you know nothing about people’s situations it’s perhaps best not to try to make moral judgements About what they do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What reasons make it ok??

Isnt that the question that no one ever seems be able to answer?"

I can answer it.

Let's take someone who married young. Someone whom fell pregnant unintentionally. Someone who thought getting married to someone she barely knew at 20 years old was the solution.

They had 5 or so decent years, not blissful, but decent.

For whatever reasons, her spouse descended into depression and alcoholism.

Abuse; physical, psychological and emotional occurred over the next 5 years.

This someone is now 30.

She in financially dependant upon her husband, as is her 10 year old son.

Her husband manages to sober up and attempts to salvage the marriage, however, relevations about his own infidelities, sour our someone's last lingering romantic feelings toward her him.

They stay together out of necessity and a feeling of unity for their son.

After some time has passed and a lot of therapy has been attended, our someone has recently begin to discover nascant feelings of homosexuality.

She becomes intensely attracted to one of the women in her support group. The attraction seems to be returned.

Our someone cannot leave her husband - for fears the breakup of the marriage, and the removal of his only son will result in him turning in on himself, jumpstarting his depression and ultimately leading him back to the bottle.

She is also financially dependent upon him and he owns the house her and their son reside in.

Does anyone here thinks it would be "wrong" for this woman, who has suffered so much, to explore her true sexuality?

Because she's married?

This woman is to ignore her true self?

Really?

And for those who would answer, "Well she just needs to be honest with her husband and break up?", our someone knows her husband better than anyone, and she knows it would drive him to despair. So that's not an option.

You'd have her deny herself the comfort and solace of a lover?

Because of a dumb vow made over a decade ago?

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By *aid backMan over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

What reasons make it ok??

Isnt that the question that no one ever seems be able to answer?

I can answer it.

Let's take someone who married young. Someone whom fell pregnant unintentionally. Someone who thought getting married to someone she barely knew at 20 years old was the solution.

They had 5 or so decent years, not blissful, but decent.

For whatever reasons, her spouse descended into depression and alcoholism.

Abuse; physical, psychological and emotional occurred over the next 5 years.

This someone is now 30.

She in financially dependant upon her husband, as is her 10 year old son.

Her husband manages to sober up and attempts to salvage the marriage, however, relevations about his own infidelities, sour our someone's last lingering romantic feelings toward her him.

They stay together out of necessity and a feeling of unity for their son.

After some time has passed and a lot of therapy has been attended, our someone has recently begin to discover nascant feelings of homosexuality.

She becomes intensely attracted to one of the women in her support group. The attraction seems to be returned.

She is also financially dependent upon him and he owns the house her and their son reside in.

Does anyone here thinks it would be "wrong" for this woman, who has suffered so much, to explore her true sexuality?

Because she's married?

This woman is to ignore her true self?

Really?

You'd have her deny herself the comfort and solace of a lover?

Because of a dumb vow made over a decade ago?

So what you're saying is this person would be happy to allow their partner provide for her and their child while living her true self ?? Sounds like a manipulation. Why not get separated/divorced the partner would still have to support etc and she could live her true self without lying to herself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's not what I said at all.

I said that her and her partner have decided to stay together for the benefit of their shared experiences and their son.

And I had already pre-emptively answered that question about the "why not just".....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/06/21 19:06:34]

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By *issusWoman over a year ago

Belfast

What reasons make it ok??

Isnt that the question that no one ever seems be able to answer?

I can answer it.

Let's take someone who married young. Someone whom fell pregnant unintentionally. Someone who thought getting married to someone she barely knew at 20 years old was the solution.

They had 5 or so decent years, not blissful, but decent.

For whatever reasons, her spouse descended into depression and alcoholism.

Abuse; physical, psychological and emotional occurred over the next 5 years.

This someone is now 30.

She in financially dependant upon her husband, as is her 10 year old son.

Her husband manages to sober up and attempts to salvage the marriage, however, relevations about his own infidelities, sour our someone's last lingering romantic feelings toward her him.

They stay together out of necessity and a feeling of unity for their son.

After some time has passed and a lot of therapy has been attended, our someone has recently begin to discover nascant feelings of homosexuality.

She becomes intensely attracted to one of the women in her support group. The attraction seems to be returned.

She is also financially dependent upon him and he owns the house her and their son reside in.

Does anyone here thinks it would be "wrong" for this woman, who has suffered so much, to explore her true sexuality?

Because she's married?

This woman is to ignore her true self?

Really?

You'd have her deny herself the comfort and solace of a lover?

Because of a dumb vow made over a decade ago?

How about getting a job and start supporting herself financially to start with?

In your scenario the woman clearly spends many years in her situation so lack of time is not an issue.

After getting financially independent and getting somewhat of a life and a social circle surely it is easier to step away.

Husband clearly has some mental issues. Will finding out that his wife is cheating on him cause less harm than peaceful separation and shared custody of a child?

No children are ever happier or better off growing up in a home where parents resent each other. It is not healthy.

Kids should never be used as an excuse for staying in a toxic relationship.

Also as you expressed above - husband might turn on himself if she leaves him.

Did you consider her turning on herself eventually if she is guilt tripped into staying?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How about getting a job and start supporting herself financially to start with?"

And if she can't?

"In your scenario the woman clearly spends many years in her situation so lack of time is not an issue.

After getting financially independent and getting somewhat of a life and a social circle surely it is easier to step away."

We might look at the hundreds of thousands of men and women who remain in abusive relationships, despite having 'time'. It might be easier. It might not.

"Husband clearly has some mental issues. Will finding out that his wife is cheating on him cause less harm than peaceful separation and shared custody of a child?"

He does have some issues. The hope and intention is that he DOESN'T find out. And many people don't.

And I'll state it again, the separation won't be peaceful.

"No children are ever happier or better off growing up in a home where parents resent each other. It is not healthy."

You can speak for all children then?

"Kids should never be used as an excuse for staying in a toxic relationship."

They are not an excuse, however, they are a good motivatior.

"Also as you expressed above - husband might turn on himself if she leaves him.

Did you consider her turning on herself eventually if she is guilt tripped into staying?"

She's not guilt tripped. She's made a decision to stay.

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By *aid backMan over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

You can make up any amount of scenarios to say it's ok to cheat in but they don't get away from the fact that it is wrong to cheat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can make up any amount of scenarios to say it's ok to cheat in but they don't get away from the fact that it is wrong to cheat."

But you all keep repeating that....

"It's wrong."

Morality is not that simple. It just isn't. There's any number of factors that play into making a moral choice.

Reality isn't constructed of black and white. There's an infinite spectrum of colours. And something as complex as two human beings sharing a relationship simply cannot be pigeonholed into right or wrong.

And I've been cheated on! On numerous occasions! It hurt, yes. Was it fair? No. Did I do anything to deserve it? Not to my knowledge. Do I feel it was wrong? My guy reaction is of course it was... But infidelities aren't something that can be crow barred into simplicity.

I've forgiven any and all infidelities committed against me and in fact remain friends with those who cheated on me.

For me at least, the reasons people cheat are their own, and they must be perfectly valid to those who perform the act.

I'm in no position, and frankly no one else is, to judge them for that.

A little less rush to judgement, and a little more patience to attempt to understand, is never a bad thing.

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By *issusWoman over a year ago

Belfast

"How about getting a job and start supporting herself financially to start with?"

And if she can't?

"In your scenario the woman clearly spends many years in her situation so lack of time is not an issue.

After getting financially independent and getting somewhat of a life and a social circle surely it is easier to step away."

We might look at the hundreds of thousands of men and women who remain in abusive relationships, despite having 'time'. It might be easier. It might not.

"Husband clearly has some mental issues. Will finding out that his wife is cheating on him cause less harm than peaceful separation and shared custody of a child?"

He does have some issues. The hope and intention is that he DOESN'T find out. And many people don't.

And I'll state it again, the separation won't be peaceful.

"No children are ever happier or better off growing up in a home where parents resent each other. It is not healthy."

You can speak for all children then?

"Kids should never be used as an excuse for staying in a toxic relationship."

They are not an excuse, however, they are a good motivatior.

"Also as you expressed above - husband might turn on himself if she leaves him.

Did you consider her turning on herself eventually if she is guilt tripped into staying?"

She's not guilt tripped. She's made a decision to stay. "

Many men and women "decide" to stay in loveless relationships for reasons:

1. "It's the right thing to do"

2. Family will be upset if we break up.

3. Stay together for kids(I explained above why it's wrong).

4. One half is financially dependent on other (nothing stopping dependant half from sourcing their own means of income).

5. Other half will be heartbroken.

Take away those reasons and you'll find that most people will be more than happy to walk away and create a life they want to live and explore their sexuality while at it.

Being an emotional prisoner of your partner who may do something to themselves if you leave is not a great solution for anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Many men and women "decide" to stay in loveless relationships for reasons:

1. "It's the right thing to do"

2. Family will be upset if we break up.

3. Stay together for kids(I explained above why it's wrong).

4. One half is financially dependent on other (nothing stopping dependant half from sourcing their own means of income).

5. Other half will be heartbroken.

Take away those reasons and you'll find that most people will be more than happy to walk away and create a life they want to live and explore their sexuality while at it.

Being an emotional prisoner of your partner who may do something to themselves if you leave is not a great solution for anyone. "

I agree it's not a great solution. But sometimes there are no great solutions.

People do the best they can with the hand they've been dealt.

Sometimes the best they can do is messy. But it is the best they can do.

And I don't like the idea of rendering judgement on someone who's doing their best to carve out some pleasure in an otherwise challenging life.

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"You can make up any amount of scenarios to say it's ok to cheat in but they don't get away from the fact that it is wrong to cheat.

But you all keep repeating that....

"It's wrong."

Morality is not that simple. It just isn't. There's any number of factors that play into making a moral choice.

I've forgiven any and all infidelities committed against me and in fact remain friends with those who cheated on me.

For me at least, the reasons people cheat are their own, and they must be perfectly valid to those who perform the act.

I'm in no position, and frankly no one else is, to judge them for that.

A little less rush to judgement, and a little more patience to attempt to understand, is never a bad thing. "

Morality may not be that simple, but the rights and wrongs of cheating is.

It is wrong.

Do it if anyone wants to, but don't try no excuses.

It is wrong to cheat in any walk of life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Morality may not be that simple, but the rights and wrongs of cheating is.

It is wrong.

Do it if anyone wants to, but don't try no excuses.

It is wrong to cheat in any walk of life.

I humbly disagree.

Sometimes cheating is the only way to exist in a rigged system.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I will be glad to see this thread fill and close

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"I will be glad to see this thread fill and close"

Yep I agree .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree it's not a great solution. But sometimes there are no great solutions.

People do the best they can with the hand they've been dealt.

Sometimes the best they can do is messy. But it is the best they can do.

And I don't like the idea of rendering judgement on someone who's doing their best to carve out some pleasure in an otherwise challenging life. "

Amen to that. But there's few here will agree that, on this issue anyway, there's any room for grey areas. Strangely though, grey areas aren't a problem when it comes to other matters. Such is the hypocrisy of Fab

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/06/21 21:30:52]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well, at least I'm not totally insane!

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

Morality may not be that simple, but the rights and wrongs of cheating is.

It is wrong.

Do it if anyone wants to, but don't try no excuses.

It is wrong to cheat in any walk of life.

I humbly disagree.

Sometimes cheating is the only way to exist in a rigged system. "

We aren't talking about a rigged system.

However we are always open to listening to what people say.

May we have an example?

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"I will be glad to see this thread fill and close

Yep I agree .

We agree totally.

Cheating is a controversial subject and the best thing to do is quietly go on your way and do your thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I will be glad to see this thread fill and close

Yep I agree .

We agree totally.

Cheating is a controversial subject and the best thing to do is quietly go on your way and do your thing. "

doesn't need to be such an in-depth debate about it here

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"I will be glad to see this thread fill and close

Yep I agree .

We agree totally.

Cheating is a controversial subject and the best thing to do is quietly go on your way and do your thing.

doesn't need to be such an in-depth debate about it here

In all honesty, the only way to stop this kind of debate is to not post this kind of thread.

Problem is not many people have anytime for disrespect and dishonesty.

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"I will be glad to see this thread fill and close

Yep I agree .

We agree totally.

Cheating is a controversial subject and the best thing to do is quietly go on your way and do your thing.

doesn't need to be such an in-depth debate about it here

In all honesty, the only way to stop this kind of debate is to not post this kind of thread.

Problem is not many people have anytime for disrespect and dishonesty. "

And some seem to enjoy searching the forums for this very subject

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

doesn't need to be such an in-depth debate about it here

Isn't that what forums are for?!

Conversation and debate?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

doesn't need to be such an in-depth debate about it here

Isn't that what forums are for?!

Conversation and debate?

Plenty of topics I'd happily debate with you, but not this one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

doesn't need to be such an in-depth debate about it here

Isn't that what forums are for?!

Conversation and debate?

Plenty of topics I'd happily debate with you, but not this one

Feel free to invite me to debate any others you're willing to *ahem* get into

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"I will be glad to see this thread fill and close

Yep I agree .

We agree totally.

Cheating is a controversial subject and the best thing to do is quietly go on your way and do your thing.

doesn't need to be such an in-depth debate about it here

In all honesty, the only way to stop this kind of debate is to not post this kind of thread.

Problem is not many people have anytime for disrespect and dishonesty.

And some seem to enjoy searching the forums for this very subject

Shame it is on here at all isn't it? ?

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By *asual777Man over a year ago

i travel all over

https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved?language=en

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If they want to and they can settle it with their own conscience then no one can judge because no one knows their story. However as a single guy by choice I find that because so many guys don’t tell the truth about their marital status, women are far less likely to believe me or other genuinely single guys.

Tell the truth and make it a safer place for everyone

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By *j47Man over a year ago

limerick

Some would have turned to drugs or drink others use pratical ways like NSA

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

Some would have turned to drugs or drink others use pratical ways like NSA

Or some could do the thing that is best for everyone concerned in the long run.

Be honest, and walk away.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Or some could do the thing that is best for everyone concerned in the long run.

Be honest, and walk away."

This is a mindset I've been guilty of in the past - other people can summon the energy/stamina/emotional fortitude to walk away... Why can't you?

This is a very flawed way of thinking unfortunately.

For example.... I can go to the gym and bench press 100kg (don't act like you're not impressed!

) easily.

Can you?

Can everyone?

No... Because we all have different strengths, different focuses, different goals.

Many people the world over run marathons. Can I?

No.

I can't run to the end of my fucking road without feeling like I'm dying.

Because we all have different strengths, different focuses different goals - we're all different people.

So why don't some people just leave?,

Because some people can't.

We're all different. That's what makes the world such a magnificent place.

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By *iery minxWoman over a year ago

kildare

Some would have turned to drugs or drink others use pratical ways like NSA

Or some could do the thing that is best for everyone concerned in the long run.

Be honest, and walk away."

Whilst I agree with the lady who spoke about her married life so openly and what she done to try rectify it,I still cannot condone what she later chose to do. I have lived her life I was the one trying to fix something that was beyond fixing but where our stories differ is I was also the one being cheated on it never once crossed my mind to cheat on him even though it was a sexless relationship from my side anyway for the latter four years. So to answer the question is it ever ok or acceptable to cheat my reply would have to be a resounding no. My life was a mess,I was a mess because of what he done but I chose to leave rather than cheat and before I get chastised for not agreeing with her,I left with kids,no money,not working and nowhere to stay so I do not believe that using that as an excuse works either and it was hard but it would have been harder to stay in that toxic environment for myself and my children

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

Some would have turned to drugs or drink others use pratical ways like NSA

Or some could do the thing that is best for everyone concerned in the long run.

Be honest, and walk away.

Well said.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm sorry that happened to you, and I commend you for sharing your story and your feelings on the matter.

Thank you.

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By *etergemmaCouple over a year ago

South Dublin Area

"How about getting a job and start supporting herself financially to start with?"

And if she can't?

"In your scenario the woman clearly spends many years in her situation so lack of time is not an issue.

After getting financially independent and getting somewhat of a life and a social circle surely it is easier to step away."

We might look at the hundreds of thousands of men and women who remain in abusive relationships, despite having 'time'. It might be easier. It might not.

"Husband clearly has some mental issues. Will finding out that his wife is cheating on him cause less harm than peaceful separation and shared custody of a child?"

He does have some issues. The hope and intention is that he DOESN'T find out. And many people don't.

And I'll state it again, the separation won't be peaceful.

"No children are ever happier or better off growing up in a home where parents resent each other. It is not healthy."

You can speak for all children then?

"Kids should never be used as an excuse for staying in a toxic relationship."

They are not an excuse, however, they are a good motivatior.

"Also as you expressed above - husband might turn on himself if she leaves him.

Did you consider her turning on herself eventually if she is guilt tripped into staying?"

She's not guilt tripped. She's made a decision to stay. "
Did I understand this right. She cant get a job yet shes able to be unfaithful?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Did I understand this right. She cant get a job yet shes able to be unfaithful?"

No. You didn't. She hasn't been unfaithful. She's met a woman in her support group and they share a mutual attraction.

And I didn't say she can't get a job, but hey, maybe she can't.

Someone people struggle to find work. For a variety of different reasons.

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By *j47Man over a year ago

limerick

Some would have turned to drugs or drink others use pratical ways like NSA

Or some could do the thing that is best for everyone concerned in the long run.

Be honest, and walk away.

I am sorry you had to go that but like that not all situations are toxic not all stories/lives are the same

I'd admire u for having the strength to take the actions that u needed to protect your self

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By *issusWoman over a year ago

Belfast

" Did I understand this right. She cant get a job yet shes able to be unfaithful?

No. You didn't. She hasn't been unfaithful. She's met a woman in her support group and they share a mutual attraction.

And I didn't say she can't get a job, but hey, maybe she can't.

Someone people struggle to find work. For a variety of different reasons. "

13 years is not enough time to find a job?

Yes, it could have been not her focus, but then it brings you back to the fact that she made a conscious choice to cheat on her partner no matter the consequences instead of walking away from a dysfunctional relationship which brings you back to the point that most people have an option of walking away, but they choose to cheat instead because they either are pressured by other people to stay or choose to stay because they like their lifestyle. In both cases its a very selfish thing to do and in a long run hurts more people and hurts them in more fucked up ways.

As a kid - would you he happier if your mum and dad would have split up and lived happy lives separately and you got to see them both. Or would you be happier coming home to a different fight every day and different uncle Richard texting and meeting your mommy every week (different auntie Sophie meeting your daddy). Your daddy/mommy working late all the time etc. Kids see those things. They know what's happening.

My own dad is a chronical cheater. I grew up in one of those households where daddy always "works late", "meets his mates". Its horrible. Its horrible to know that your own parent will rather spend some time between some strangers sheets than with you. It's also horrible to know that your parent doesn't see their other half as a priority any more.

They stayed together for so long because of me.

One of my happiest childhood moments was when they finally got divorced.

So yes. Tell me more how important it is to explore your sexuality behind your partners back

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So yes. Tell me more how important it is to explore your sexuality behind your partners back

You guys could really do with reading the scenario first....

Look, anyone with a personal experience of this is going to be biased. Much like victims of crime are biased when it comes to crime and sentence management.

If you've experienced sexual harassment in the work place you're likely to have strong feelings about sexual harassment.

That's a no brainer.

But there's a reason we don't allow the victims or crime to issue sentences - we know that they won't issue fair or impartial judgments.

That's why we set up a whole damned system to evaluate and JUDGE crimes and their perpetrators...

My point is this - nobody is qualified to judge anyone else's choices. We can tut tut and cluck our tongues all we want, but we simply are not qualified, because we have NO idea what's going in someone's else's life, unless we live it with them.

We can only make our choices. Don't approve of infidelities? Don't fuck married people.

I can understand, absolutely understand, why someone might find cheating to be an option.

I don't necessarily approve or encourage that behaviour, but I certainly won't judge them for it.

It's not my place. And I have no idea what drove them to such a desperate decision in the first instance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So much assumption that because this is my experience it must therefore be everyone else's. Projection on such an issue is to be expected but the intransigence - on this subject anyway - is quite insufferable.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Here we go again

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By *iery minxWoman over a year ago

kildare

Some would have turned to drugs or drink others use pratical ways like NSA

Or some could do the thing that is best for everyone concerned in the long run.

Be honest, and walk away.

I am sorry you had to go that but like that not all situations are toxic not all stories/lives are the same

I'd admire u for having the strength to take the actions that u needed to protect your self "

No I completely agree not all stories/lives are the same not all relationships are toxic or harmful but then again everybody has their own story to tell. But if it is not a toxic or harmful relationship what are you left with only a relationship that from the outside looking in looks ideal and yet one of said couple is cheating to fulfill what selfish need? Because if we are being honest with ourselves thats what it is a selfish need on the cheaters behalf to fill a gap that they believe their beloved spouse won't or can't fill for them. So is it better to cheat on the person you supposedly love rather than leave them and let them get on with their lives and find some happiness too. Or should we just take the stance that by you staying with them makes them happy even if they know you are cheating,is that not hurting them more?

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By *issusWoman over a year ago

Belfast

"We can only make our choices. Don't approve of infidelities? Don't fuck married people"

Spot on.

The one and only reason why I'm posting these leghtly responses is in hope that some who think that cheating is just some horny experience and those who tend to settle with a first person they met because its "the right thing to do" then spend years suffering eventually turning to cheating to cheer themselves up.

I just hope that my posts can show a bigger picture to those people and maybe make them think about it before they break someone apart from inside out just for an odd horny fling.

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