FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Fab hotel is open
Fab hotel is open
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Good evening and welcome to the Fab hotel. You're very welcome and we hope you have a pleasant stay with us. Should you need anything please dial 0 for reception.
The bar is open and serving food and drinks until late
Go get settled in and I'll mark you down for a late check out in the morning
Enjoy your stay |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can we get late breakfast and dgo you mind if I kiss the floor and give the bar man a hug? "
You can kiss anything you like sir
The barman does love a good hug so belt away and I'll note a late breakfast for you also |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can we get late breakfast and dgo you mind if I kiss the floor and give the bar man a hug?
You can kiss anything you like sir
The barman does love a good hug so belt away and I'll note a late breakfast for you also "
Anything I like huh? What time you off? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can we get late breakfast and dgo you mind if I kiss the floor and give the bar man a hug?
You can kiss anything you like sir
The barman does love a good hug so belt away and I'll note a late breakfast for you also
Anything I like huh? What time you off? "
Around 11 sir if you haven't found yourself any company do let me know id be happy to oblige |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ahh god, hate to ask, but missed the early bird. Ahh I know you must be well done with it now but...Ya know any chance of maybe availing of the early bird price?
Go..god now you.must really see me as a pain sorry to be asking this of you now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ahh god, hate to ask, but missed the early bird. Ahh I know you must be well done with it now but...Ya know any chance of maybe availing of the early bird price?
Go..god now you.must really see me as a pain sorry to be asking this of you now. "
(Mutters under breath - bloody Karen's )
Sir the early bird finished at 7pm I'm afraid it's no longer available however I think you'll find our food is very reasonably priced but alternatively there's a great place down the road that does great meal deals I believe it's called something like McDonaghs?? I can't.quite recall the name. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would it be possible to have a room upgrade if there's one available . Nice treat since its been awhile since a night out was had.. Will see ye in the bar and their will be a cocktail with ur name on it for after ur shift.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
"
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Miss can I have the room you were giving Shameless ??
I’ll look after the ladies no problem
I’ll even tuck them in and read them a story "
Of course Mr Fastlad but I'll have the ladies come to you would hate to see them go to waste. No extra charge but make sure you tip them we'll |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?"
Oh God no id never stay at the travel Inn.
If the young ladies dont mind me showering, ill try not to be in the way.
I was just a bit taken aback is all, they didnt seem to be bothered by my presence. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is room service available tonight
All night long sir and almost anything you'd like! Within reason obviously what are the special tonight "
A two course meal served to you by our Swedish masseuse who will end the meal with a happy ending? However this special is selling fast so do let me know if you wish to avail |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?
Oh God no id never stay at the travel Inn.
If the young ladies dont mind me showering, ill try not to be in the way.
I was just a bit taken aback is all, they didnt seem to be bothered by my presence. "
No problem Me Shameless I have allocated the two girls to another room where they were required. I'll have housekeeping come up and fluff the pillows for you. Pop down to the bar and Ill sort you out with a complimentary drink for your troubles |
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By *ob7Man
over a year ago
Limerick |
"Is room service available tonight
All night long sir and almost anything you'd like! Within reason obviously what are the special tonight
A two course meal served to you by our Swedish masseuse who will end the meal with a happy ending? However this special is selling fast so do let me know if you wish to avail" I would like to avail of that and a little extra for dessert. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Miss can I have the room you were giving Shameless ??
I’ll look after the ladies no problem
I’ll even tuck them in and read them a story
Don't forget a kiss each goodnight "
Miss3b you're very welcome to the Fab hotel can I get you anything at all? A drink? Sexy french waiter? You name it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Kaizer has fond memories of this fine establishment "
Mr Thunderkiss it is such a pleasure to welcome you back to my humble establishment! Of course I have kept our best suite available for you. I would ask however that this time you refrain from trashing my hotel. It took me such a long time to refurbish after last time |
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By *iss3BWoman
over a year ago
north down |
"Miss can I have the room you were giving Shameless ??
I’ll look after the ladies no problem
I’ll even tuck them in and read them a story
Don't forget a kiss each goodnight
Miss3b you're very welcome to the Fab hotel can I get you anything at all? A drink? Sexy french waiter? You name it "
Oh a sexy Irish waiter and a cider shall do me fine kind madam |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?
Oh God no id never stay at the travel Inn.
If the young ladies dont mind me showering, ill try not to be in the way.
I was just a bit taken aback is all, they didnt seem to be bothered by my presence.
No problem Me Shameless I have allocated the two girls to another room where they were required. I'll have housekeeping come up and fluff the pillows for you. Pop down to the bar and Ill sort you out with a complimentary drink for your troubles "
Thank you reception and thank you for the offer of a complimentary drink, ill be down in a jiffy.
Ill have a pint of Babycham please. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer has fond memories of this fine establishment
Mr Thunderkiss it is such a pleasure to welcome you back to my humble establishment! Of course I have kept our best suite available for you. I would ask however that this time you refrain from trashing my hotel. It took me such a long time to refurbish after last time"
Kaizer makes no promises!
Enjoy the ride |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Miss can I have the room you were giving Shameless ??
I’ll look after the ladies no problem
I’ll even tuck them in and read them a story
Don't forget a kiss each goodnight
Miss3b you're very welcome to the Fab hotel can I get you anything at all? A drink? Sexy french waiter? You name it
Oh a sexy Irish waiter and a cider shall do me fine kind madam"
Done madam his name is Seamus and he's waiting in the corner with your cider for you! Enjoy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?
Oh God no id never stay at the travel Inn.
If the young ladies dont mind me showering, ill try not to be in the way.
I was just a bit taken aback is all, they didnt seem to be bothered by my presence.
No problem Me Shameless I have allocated the two girls to another room where they were required. I'll have housekeeping come up and fluff the pillows for you. Pop down to the bar and Ill sort you out with a complimentary drink for your troubles
Thank you reception and thank you for the offer of a complimentary drink, ill be down in a jiffy.
Ill have a pint of Babycham please."
Em Babycham??? Really??
I mean yes sir I'll have that ready for you just pop by reception |
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By *13_hercMan
over a year ago
Blackrock |
Early bird is finished you say...well, maybe I could dine on you when you are free. Happy to massage in some oil to help tenderise and de-stress you after all of the guests demands, a happy ending guaranteed, of course
xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I get a room with a massive bath and a big comfy bed and room service please . "
Ms Justbo it would be my pleasure. You let me know if I can send up any champagne, chocolates, handsome back scratched? All of the above!! |
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By *iss3BWoman
over a year ago
north down |
"Miss can I have the room you were giving Shameless ??
I’ll look after the ladies no problem
I’ll even tuck them in and read them a story
Don't forget a kiss each goodnight
Miss3b you're very welcome to the Fab hotel can I get you anything at all? A drink? Sexy french waiter? You name it
Oh a sexy Irish waiter and a cider shall do me fine kind madam
Done madam his name is Seamus and he's waiting in the corner with your cider for you! Enjoy "
Oh why thanks you so very much |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Early bird is finished you say...well, maybe I could dine on you when you are free. Happy to massage in some oil to help tenderise and de-stress you after all of the guests demands, a happy ending guaranteed, of course
xx "
Tenderise? I'm not a steak sir although I'm am a tasty snack when rubbed up in oil! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?
Oh God no id never stay at the travel Inn.
If the young ladies dont mind me showering, ill try not to be in the way.
I was just a bit taken aback is all, they didnt seem to be bothered by my presence.
No problem Me Shameless I have allocated the two girls to another room where they were required. I'll have housekeeping come up and fluff the pillows for you. Pop down to the bar and Ill sort you out with a complimentary drink for your troubles
Thank you reception and thank you for the offer of a complimentary drink, ill be down in a jiffy.
Ill have a pint of Babycham please.
Em Babycham??? Really??
I mean yes sir I'll have that ready for you just pop by reception "
Hello again reception.
I wont be coming down for that drink if thats ok.
I just met an very elegantly dressed lady waiting on the lift.
I think she took offence at me staring at her , as she seems to have a rather manly beard.
She said some rather rude things to me, hitched up her skirt and waved a rather large penis in my direction.
I think I am just going to have my shower and go to bed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?
Oh God no id never stay at the travel Inn.
If the young ladies dont mind me showering, ill try not to be in the way.
I was just a bit taken aback is all, they didnt seem to be bothered by my presence.
No problem Me Shameless I have allocated the two girls to another room where they were required. I'll have housekeeping come up and fluff the pillows for you. Pop down to the bar and Ill sort you out with a complimentary drink for your troubles
Thank you reception and thank you for the offer of a complimentary drink, ill be down in a jiffy.
Ill have a pint of Babycham please.
Em Babycham??? Really??
I mean yes sir I'll have that ready for you just pop by reception
Hello again reception.
I wont be coming down for that drink if thats ok.
I just met an very elegantly dressed lady waiting on the lift.
I think she took offence at me staring at her , as she seems to have a rather manly beard.
She said some rather rude things to me, hitched up her skirt and waved a rather large penis in my direction.
I think I am just going to have my shower and go to bed "
Oh my Christ that's Mr Thunderkiss!
I'll get this sorted sir I'm so sorry |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer has fond memories of this fine establishment
Mr Thunderkiss it is such a pleasure to welcome you back to my humble establishment! Of course I have kept our best suite available for you. I would ask however that this time you refrain from trashing my hotel. It took me such a long time to refurbish after last time
Kaizer makes no promises!
Enjoy the ride "
It's not even 9pm Mr Thunderkiss please conduct yourself in a reasonable fashion I have already received my first complaint of the night about you. You my be a dear friend but I will turf you out on your peachy ass if you don't behave |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ooh lovely. Havent been away to a hotel since we got married"
Oh you are both so welcome to the Fab hotel. Here let me take your luggage. Please have a complimentary welcome drink and if you see a heated man in a dress please ignore him and don't make eye contact |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Good evening
Any room available with a rain forest shower and a king size bed please "
Mr BogM quite the pleasure indeed. Of course I have room 317 reserved for you sir. Now should you need anything at all please let me know and I may have gotten ahead of myself but I did organise the chef to make some apple pie and custard I've been lead to believe that this is a favourite of yours? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hello
Can we have a room at the end of corridor with a bath if possible
Thanks
M&S"
Good Evening to you both
Please let me show you personally to your room. Follow me this way. I have a beautiful suite with a jacuzzi bath for you both to relax in.
Please enjoy your stay and should you need anything please just dial 0 for reception. Also there will be a little sing song in the bar after 11pm if you would like to join |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?
Oh God no id never stay at the travel Inn.
If the young ladies dont mind me showering, ill try not to be in the way.
I was just a bit taken aback is all, they didnt seem to be bothered by my presence.
No problem Me Shameless I have allocated the two girls to another room where they were required. I'll have housekeeping come up and fluff the pillows for you. Pop down to the bar and Ill sort you out with a complimentary drink for your troubles
Thank you reception and thank you for the offer of a complimentary drink, ill be down in a jiffy.
Ill have a pint of Babycham please.
Em Babycham??? Really??
I mean yes sir I'll have that ready for you just pop by reception
Hello again reception.
I wont be coming down for that drink if thats ok.
I just met an very elegantly dressed lady waiting on the lift.
I think she took offence at me staring at her , as she seems to have a rather manly beard.
She said some rather rude things to me, hitched up her skirt and waved a rather large penis in my direction.
I think I am just going to have my shower and go to bed
Oh my Christ that's Mr Thunderkiss!
I'll get this sorted sir I'm so sorry "
Mr Thunderkiss!!
That certainly explains the beard and the large penis.
As you seem to know him ill leave it at that but could you please ask him to take some advice from a doctor about his testicles.
They were nearly down at his knees clacking together like a newtons cradle.... |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Good evening
Any room available with a rain forest shower and a king size bed please
Mr BogM quite the pleasure indeed. Of course I have room 317 reserved for you sir. Now should you need anything at all please let me know and I may have gotten ahead of myself but I did organise the chef to make some apple pie and custard I've been lead to believe that this is a favourite of yours?"
You see The Brennan Brothers wouldn't even get that detail sorted out
That's why this is the best hotel I've ever stayed in |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Good evening
Any room available with a rain forest shower and a king size bed please
Mr BogM quite the pleasure indeed. Of course I have room 317 reserved for you sir. Now should you need anything at all please let me know and I may have gotten ahead of myself but I did organise the chef to make some apple pie and custard I've been lead to believe that this is a favourite of yours?
You see The Brennan Brothers wouldn't even get that detail sorted out
That's why this is the best hotel I've ever stayed in "
Such high praise thank Mr BogM |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You seem to have double booked my room.
There are two young ladies that seem to be having sex on the bed of the room you gave me.
I just want to have a shower and get my head down Ive an early start tomorrow
I'm sorry sir I fail to see what the issue is here. We do aim to please at the Fab hotel if the room and its contents are not too your liking then I suggest you might be more comfortable staying at the travel Inn down the road. Would you like me to make a reservation for you?
Oh God no id never stay at the travel Inn.
If the young ladies dont mind me showering, ill try not to be in the way.
I was just a bit taken aback is all, they didnt seem to be bothered by my presence.
No problem Me Shameless I have allocated the two girls to another room where they were required. I'll have housekeeping come up and fluff the pillows for you. Pop down to the bar and Ill sort you out with a complimentary drink for your troubles
Thank you reception and thank you for the offer of a complimentary drink, ill be down in a jiffy.
Ill have a pint of Babycham please.
Em Babycham??? Really??
I mean yes sir I'll have that ready for you just pop by reception
Hello again reception.
I wont be coming down for that drink if thats ok.
I just met an very elegantly dressed lady waiting on the lift.
I think she took offence at me staring at her , as she seems to have a rather manly beard.
She said some rather rude things to me, hitched up her skirt and waved a rather large penis in my direction.
I think I am just going to have my shower and go to bed
Oh my Christ that's Mr Thunderkiss!
I'll get this sorted sir I'm so sorry
Mr Thunderkiss!!
That certainly explains the beard and the large penis.
As you seem to know him ill leave it at that but could you please ask him to take some advice from a doctor about his testicles.
They were nearly down at his knees clacking together like a newtons cradle...."
So he still hasn't gotten them looked at since his last stay
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I will take my usual room, kingsize bed, walk in shower, jacuzzi outside in decking area and of course 24hr room service..
Thank you Bman77 "
Mr Bman77 lovely to have you back sir. Em there has been a slight issue with your card, em the issue being that it has em, well it has declined sir. Perhaps you have another? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Been a busy day, could I have a suite. I'd love something with a bite served on ice waiting for me "
Oh you're very welcome to the Fab hotel miss please do come in. Your suite is on the fourth floor. I've set up a small bar in the room for you with some glenmorangie on ice waiting for you. Also there's a most welcoming and helpful barman ready to serve you and I do believe if you ask nicely enough he may provide a bite of a different kind |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dialing 0,0,0 Hi I'm in Room 50 ,The Themed Bondage Suite,could you send a Maid up please?,it's just a wee bit dusty"
Mr Mankinky how many times have I told you it is simply dial one zero. Not zero three times and also sir we don't have maids we have housekeepers, the themed bondage room has been renamed to The Fungeon.
Really Mr Mankinky keep up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I will take my usual room, kingsize bed, walk in shower, jacuzzi outside in decking area and of course 24hr room service..
Thank you Bman77
Mr Bman77 lovely to have you back sir. Em there has been a slight issue with your card, em the issue being that it has em, well it has declined sir. Perhaps you have another?"
That's no bother, just use my expense account, the one for additional services. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hello reception.
I hate to be a pain but could you send up maintenance, there seems to be an issue with the plumbing in the wall.
Its making a terrible racket.
Its probably just an airlock or something.
My best attempt at describing the noise its making would be if somebody was to rhythmically bang their head against the wall while being haunted by a ghost.
It only started about half an hour ago but has been thud, thud,whoaaaa,thud ,thud whoaaaa ever since
It might be an idea to ask the young couple next door if they can hear it too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hello reception.
I hate to be a pain but could you send up maintenance, there seems to be an issue with the plumbing in the wall.
Its making a terrible racket.
Its probably just an airlock or something.
My best attempt at describing the noise its making would be if somebody was to rhythmically bang their head against the wall while being haunted by a ghost.
It only started about half an hour ago but has been thud, thud,whoaaaa,thud ,thud whoaaaa ever since
It might be an idea to ask the young couple next door if they can hear it too"
So sorry sir but the couple next door to you Mrmrs1234 haven't been away in such a long time and I'd hate to disturb them when they're trying to em relax!
Maybe you should knock into them yourself and see if they need any assistance with the eh (cough) plumbing |
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By *anKinkyMan
over a year ago
Carrick on Shannon |
"Dialing 0,0,0 Hi I'm in Room 50 ,The Themed Bondage Suite,could you send a Maid up please?,it's just a wee bit dusty
Mr Mankinky how many times have I told you it is simply dial one zero. Not zero three times and also sir we don't have maids we have housekeepers, the themed bondage room has been renamed to The Fungeon.
Really Mr Mankinky keep up " But I dialed 0 once 3 times! reception must have been busy but thanks for getting back to me,did it myself couldn't be waiting.What time does the residents bar stay open till? many other Singles staying tonight? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hello reception.
I hate to be a pain but could you send up maintenance, there seems to be an issue with the plumbing in the wall.
Its making a terrible racket.
Its probably just an airlock or something.
My best attempt at describing the noise its making would be if somebody was to rhythmically bang their head against the wall while being haunted by a ghost.
It only started about half an hour ago but has been thud, thud,whoaaaa,thud ,thud whoaaaa ever since
It might be an idea to ask the young couple next door if they can hear it too
So sorry sir but the couple next door to you Mrmrs1234 haven't been away in such a long time and I'd hate to disturb them when they're trying to em relax!
Maybe you should knock into them yourself and see if they need any assistance with the eh (cough) plumbing "
I took your advice and went next door to see if they had the same issue.
But when i was about to knock on their door I could make out that they seem to be having an argument.
She seems to be shouting "give it to me" and he seems to be shouting something also but its hard to make out with all the noise that the plumbing is making.
If anything the banging is louder and faster than before.
Its probably best if you send maintenance up
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dialing 0,0,0 Hi I'm in Room 50 ,The Themed Bondage Suite,could you send a Maid up please?,it's just a wee bit dusty
Mr Mankinky how many times have I told you it is simply dial one zero. Not zero three times and also sir we don't have maids we have housekeepers, the themed bondage room has been renamed to The Fungeon.
Really Mr Mankinky keep up But I dialed 0 once 3 times! reception must have been busy but thanks for getting back to me,did it myself couldn't be waiting.What time does the residents bar stay open till? many other Singles staying tonight?"
Bar is open until 2am sir there's a few singles around here somewhere alright |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hello reception.
I hate to be a pain but could you send up maintenance, there seems to be an issue with the plumbing in the wall.
Its making a terrible racket.
Its probably just an airlock or something.
My best attempt at describing the noise its making would be if somebody was to rhythmically bang their head against the wall while being haunted by a ghost.
It only started about half an hour ago but has been thud, thud,whoaaaa,thud ,thud whoaaaa ever since
It might be an idea to ask the young couple next door if they can hear it too
So sorry sir but the couple next door to you Mrmrs1234 haven't been away in such a long time and I'd hate to disturb them when they're trying to em relax!
Maybe you should knock into them yourself and see if they need any assistance with the eh (cough) plumbing
I took your advice and went next door to see if they had the same issue.
But when i was about to knock on their door I could make out that they seem to be having an argument.
She seems to be shouting "give it to me" and he seems to be shouting something also but its hard to make out with all the noise that the plumbing is making.
If anything the banging is louder and faster than before.
Its probably best if you send maintenance up
"
Not sure if that sounds like a maintenance issue sir. Perhaps a room move would be better? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi reception, can I order some room service please?
Pizza and pints "
Sir this isn't Dominoes. I'll have some pints sent up asap could I interest you in some fillet mignon instead? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Room with a Jacuzzi "
Em yes good evening to you too.
Here are your room keys and please make yourself at home the bar will be serving into the early hours should you like to enjoy some refreshments
Enjoy your stay! |
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By *anKinkyMan
over a year ago
Carrick on Shannon |
"Dialing 0,0,0 Hi I'm in Room 50 ,The Themed Bondage Suite,could you send a Maid up please?,it's just a wee bit dusty
Mr Mankinky how many times have I told you it is simply dial one zero. Not zero three times and also sir we don't have maids we have housekeepers, the themed bondage room has been renamed to The Fungeon.
Really Mr Mankinky keep up But I dialed 0 once 3 times! reception must have been busy but thanks for getting back to me,did it myself couldn't be waiting.What time does the residents bar stay open till? many other Singles staying tonight?
Bar is open until 2am sir there's a few singles around here somewhere alright " Only 2am? J's ,I'd better make a move on, dress code?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Post 69
Heres hoping
Good evening sir
Did you have a specific request?
I do,
Can I have the lovely receptionist and a rubber sheet sent to my room please "
Is there a fear of bed wetting sir? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dialing 0,0,0 Hi I'm in Room 50 ,The Themed Bondage Suite,could you send a Maid up please?,it's just a wee bit dusty
Mr Mankinky how many times have I told you it is simply dial one zero. Not zero three times and also sir we don't have maids we have housekeepers, the themed bondage room has been renamed to The Fungeon.
Really Mr Mankinky keep up But I dialed 0 once 3 times! reception must have been busy but thanks for getting back to me,did it myself couldn't be waiting.What time does the residents bar stay open till? many other Singles staying tonight?
Bar is open until 2am sir there's a few singles around here somewhere alright Only 2am? J's ,I'd better make a move on, dress code??"
Minimal is preferred sir |
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By *oserMan
over a year ago
where the wild roses grow |
"Post 69
Heres hoping
Good evening sir
Did you have a specific request?
I do,
Can I have the lovely receptionist and a rubber sheet sent to my room please
Is there a fear of bed wetting sir?"
There's certainly a possibility she might |
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By *anKinkyMan
over a year ago
Carrick on Shannon |
"Dialing 0,0,0 Hi I'm in Room 50 ,The Themed Bondage Suite,could you send a Maid up please?,it's just a wee bit dusty
Mr Mankinky how many times have I told you it is simply dial one zero. Not zero three times and also sir we don't have maids we have housekeepers, the themed bondage room has been renamed to The Fungeon.
Really Mr Mankinky keep up But I dialed 0 once 3 times! reception must have been busy but thanks for getting back to me,did it myself couldn't be waiting.What time does the residents bar stay open till? many other Singles staying tonight?
Bar is open until 2am sir there's a few singles around here somewhere alright Only 2am? J's ,I'd better make a move on, dress code??
Minimal is preferred sir " Perfect,I'll be dowm Shortly ,pardon the pun |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Can I have a room with a view and a balcony please "
Absolutely madam I have one river view room left and it has quite an extensive balcony which I think you'll find most appeasing! I've popped some white wine up to the room and some nibbles for you enjoy your stay |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
Yep, I want to check in please,
Yes, I'm on my own, yep, it was a double I booked, you never know, I might get lucky."
Hi yep
You can check in yep
Just yourself? Yep
Here's your key! Yep
Lots of singles around so you might get lucky alright
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Is there any room left at the inn
It’s been a long day at work and the drive home isn’t appealing to me "
Premier Inn is just down the road sir. This is the Fab hotel! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there any room left at the inn
It’s been a long day at work and the drive home isn’t appealing to me
Premier Inn is just down the road sir. This is the Fab hotel!"
It’s ok
Caffeine kicked in
I’ll try reserve in advance next time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My favourite time of the day.... all those horny n d*unken, guests are finally quiet.... the night manager can hand over the radio, and head away to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet.
Enjoy the breakfast buffet and please a little respect for the accommodation crew. Clean up the condoms.
And of course enjoy your morning romp. But please don’t ask for more towels. |
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"My favourite time of the day.... all those horny n d*unken, guests are finally quiet.... the night manager can hand over the radio, and head away to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet.
Enjoy the breakfast buffet and please a little respect for the accommodation crew. Clean up the condoms.
And of course enjoy your morning romp. But please don’t ask for more towels. "
That is 100 % correct
|
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By *DSGCouple
over a year ago
That place in |
"Hello
Can we have a room at the end of corridor with a bath if possible
Thanks
M&S
Good Evening to you both
Please let me show you personally to your room. Follow me this way. I have a beautiful suite with a jacuzzi bath for you both to relax in.
Please enjoy your stay and should you need anything please just dial 0 for reception. Also there will be a little sing song in the bar after 11pm if you would like to join "
What a wonderful room and the jacuzzi bath is perfect after a days shopping and yes we be delighted to join the sing song later |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My favourite time of the day.... all those horny n d*unken, guests are finally quiet.... the night manager can hand over the radio, and head away to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet.
Enjoy the breakfast buffet and please a little respect for the accommodation crew. Clean up the condoms.
And of course enjoy your morning romp. But please don’t ask for more towels. "
Ah tmountie thank you for stepping in you're a doll. How's everything been this morning? Any issues or complaints? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer needs "an extra pillow"
I actually asked for that once .....wonder does it ever happen "
Let's find out
"Oh reception, best send your finest Cab Sav with that pillow too! Thaaaaanks" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"morning what time is check inn.have heard.its the place to stay for good times and fun."
Apologies check in is from 4pm but some of the rooms have been left in an awful state from last night |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"May we check in please...
Looking for a room with an oversized bed to accommodate many
A filled mini bar...
A naked butler...
A jacuzzi ...
"
I've just had a call from housekeeping and your room is now ready here's the keys you'll be staying in the penthouse this evening. Enjoy your stay with us |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hey reception, we would like to make a group booking. I'm hoping that means there is a group of people already naked in our room.
Roxy x"
Unfortunately not but I could have a ring round and see if there's any willing participants up for some fun? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer needs "an extra pillow"
I actually asked for that once .....wonder does it ever happen "
Less of your cheek or there's be no more apple pie and custard for you BogM |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer needs "an extra pillow"
I actually asked for that once .....wonder does it ever happen
Let's find out
"Oh reception, best send your finest Cab Sav with that pillow too! Thaaaaanks" "
You are on your last warning Mr Thunderkiss everything has been delayed today due to your incessant banging on doors in the small hours of the morning demanding steaks and blowjobs from my paying guests.
I suggest you lay off the wine for bit |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There was no mint on my pillow....and no one tucked me in"
Sir you paid for a basic no frills room. You were made aware of the additional upgrades when you checked in and refused them all. (Coughs and mutters under breath - tightarse) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Would it be possible to book in again for tonight please. Sing song was great fun last night and as for the room entertainment that's for yere imagination. |
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By *oo32Man
over a year ago
tipperary |
"There was no mint on my pillow....and no one tucked me in
Sir you paid for a basic no frills room. You were made aware of the additional upgrades when you checked in and refused them all. (Coughs and mutters under breath - tightarse)"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hi can I speak to someone reservations please, I need a nice comfy room with a nice big bed I spent an a full night tied and abandoned in a dungeon
Any upgrades would be very welcome |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Would it be possible to book in again for tonight please. Sing song was great fun last night and as for the room entertainment that's for yere imagination. "
Of course madam, as you are a loyal customer of the fab hotel I have included a one hour full body massage from Hans our Dutch masseuses
I think you will be most pleased with the outcome he makes you feel alive inside so I'm told |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi can I speak to someone reservations please, I need a nice comfy room with a nice big bed I spent an a full night tied and abandoned in a dungeon
Any upgrades would be very welcome "
Sir we did try and untie you last night however in your d*unken stupor you kept repeating "leave me here I've been a very naughty boy"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer needs "an extra pillow"
I actually asked for that once .....wonder does it ever happen
Let's find out
"Oh reception, best send your finest Cab Sav with that pillow too! Thaaaaanks"
You are on your last warning Mr Thunderkiss everything has been delayed today due to your incessant banging on doors in the small hours of the morning demanding steaks and blowjobs from my paying guests.
I suggest you lay off the wine for bit "
Kaizer makes no promises |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Kaizer needs "an extra pillow"
I actually asked for that once .....wonder does it ever happen
Less of your cheek or there's be no more apple pie and custard for you BogM"
Apologies madam .....don't take away my treat...it's kept me going all week |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer needs "an extra pillow"
I actually asked for that once .....wonder does it ever happen
Less of your cheek or there's be no more apple pie and custard for you BogM
Apologies madam .....don't take away my treat...it's kept me going all week "
Is your extra pillow on it way? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer needs "an extra pillow"
I actually asked for that once .....wonder does it ever happen
Less of your cheek or there's be no more apple pie and custard for you BogM
Apologies madam .....don't take away my treat...it's kept me going all week
Is your extra pillow on it way? "
My pillow? I don't remember receiving an invitation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Kaizer needs "an extra pillow"
I actually asked for that once .....wonder does it ever happen
Less of your cheek or there's be no more apple pie and custard for you BogM
Apologies madam .....don't take away my treat...it's kept me going all week
Is your extra pillow on it way?
My pillow? I don't remember receiving an invitation"
No Bogperson also queried the extra pillow from reception
If you're on your way Kaizer don't need no poxy pillow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Kaizer got reprimanded for burning his mattress "
Probably better to do that outside the room |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Kaizer got reprimanded for burning his mattress
Probably better to do that outside the room "
What amazing advice AFTER the event?!
101 Hindsight |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress "
Oh my Christ I sit down for five minutes to eat my dinner and come back to this!! Burn the mattress! We have mattress protectors on how? What? Why? How? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Don't ask...
Oh my Christ I sit down for five minutes to eat my dinner and come back to this!! Burn the mattress! We have mattress protectors on how? What? Why? How?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Don't ask...
Oh my Christ I sit down for five minutes to eat my dinner and come back to this!! Burn the mattress! We have mattress protectors on how? What? Why? How? "
Don't ask |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Kaizer got reprimanded for burning his mattress
Probably better to do that outside the room
What amazing advice AFTER the event?!
101 Hindsight "
My office NOW!!! Mr Thunderkiss |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Don't ask...
Oh my Christ I sit down for five minutes to eat my dinner and come back to this!! Burn the mattress! We have mattress protectors on how? What? Why? How?
Don't ask "
Mr Easyfun you can also come see me in my office! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Don't ask...
Oh my Christ I sit down for five minutes to eat my dinner and come back to this!! Burn the mattress! We have mattress protectors on how? What? Why? How?
Don't ask
Mr Easyfun you can also come see me in my office! "
Shoukd I bring the nine tails? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ahh god, hate to ask, but missed the early bird. Ahh I know you must be well done with it now but...Ya know any chance of maybe availing of the early bird price?
Go..god now you.must really see me as a pain sorry to be asking this of you now.
.
.
.
.
(Mutters under breath - bloody Karen's )
Sir the early bird finished at 7pm I'm afraid it's no longer available however I think you'll find our food is very reasonably priced but alternatively there's a great place down the road that does great meal deals I believe it's called something like McDonaghs?? I can't.quite recall the name. "
helloy...just back From Mac-donaghs and I thou....oh hey woah!! Things have really escalated quickly here.. . In a good way...hello you. ( Sleepy Winks at desirable human)
Ohh Manager!! Manager...I seem to have an unusual case of the double horn. . Do you think someone could perhaps be sent to my room to help with this?..
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Kaizer got reprimanded for burning his mattress
Probably better to do that outside the room
What amazing advice AFTER the event?!
101 Hindsight
My office NOW!!! Mr Thunderkiss "
Yusssssssss
So long bitcheeeees |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Don't ask...
Oh my Christ I sit down for five minutes to eat my dinner and come back to this!! Burn the mattress! We have mattress protectors on how? What? Why? How?
Don't ask
Mr Easyfun you can also come see me in my office!
Shoukd I bring the nine tails? "
Well that's certainly thinking on your feet! Yes you may bring them then yourself and Mr Thunderkiss can assume the position. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You may have to change the bed linen in room 146
And by change the linen, I mean burn the mattress
Don't ask...
Oh my Christ I sit down for five minutes to eat my dinner and come back to this!! Burn the mattress! We have mattress protectors on how? What? Why? How?
Don't ask
Mr Easyfun you can also come see me in my office!
Shoukd I bring the nine tails?
Well that's certainly thinking on your feet! Yes you may bring them then yourself and Mr Thunderkiss can assume the position. "
*pictures a head mistress scenario * |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would it be possible to book in again for tonight please. Sing song was great fun last night and as for the room entertainment that's for yere imagination.
Of course madam, as you are a loyal customer of the fab hotel I have included a one hour full body massage from Hans our Dutch masseuses
I think you will be most pleased with the outcome he makes you feel alive inside so I'm told " Just back from my full body massage. Definitely recommend for any relief you may need.. Am happy to cover reception will you deal with the trouble makers
Free until 9pm.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would it be possible to book in again for tonight please. Sing song was great fun last night and as for the room entertainment that's for yere imagination.
Of course madam, as you are a loyal customer of the fab hotel I have included a one hour full body massage from Hans our Dutch masseuses
I think you will be most pleased with the outcome he makes you feel alive inside so I'm told Just back from my full body massage. Definitely recommend for any relief you may need.. Am happy to cover reception will you deal with the trouble makers
Free until 9pm.."
Can they do a slow lingam massage, edging for ages? I might get one |
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"Hey reception, we would like to make a group booking. I'm hoping that means there is a group of people already naked in our room.
Roxy x
Unfortunately not but I could have a ring round and see if there's any willing participants up for some fun?"
That would be amazing. Esp if there was a hot tub. It's would be so much fun |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Would it be possible to book in again for tonight please. Sing song was great fun last night and as for the room entertainment that's for yere imagination.
Of course madam, as you are a loyal customer of the fab hotel I have included a one hour full body massage from Hans our Dutch masseuses
I think you will be most pleased with the outcome he makes you feel alive inside so I'm told Just back from my full body massage. Definitely recommend for any relief you may need.. Am happy to cover reception will you deal with the trouble makers
Free until 9pm.."
You're a doll then once I'm finished with these two you can tell me all about your massage |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Would it be possible to book in again for tonight please. Sing song was great fun last night and as for the room entertainment that's for yere imagination.
Of course madam, as you are a loyal customer of the fab hotel I have included a one hour full body massage from Hans our Dutch masseuses
I think you will be most pleased with the outcome he makes you feel alive inside so I'm told Just back from my full body massage. Definitely recommend for any relief you may need.. Am happy to cover reception will you deal with the trouble makers
Free until 9pm..
Can they do a slow lingam massage, edging for ages? I might get one "
I do believe Hans is very good with his eh hands and could help you out in this regard |
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"Been a busy day, could I have a suite. I'd love something with a bite served on ice waiting for me
Oh you're very welcome to the Fab hotel miss please do come in. Your suite is on the fourth floor. I've set up a small bar in the room for you with some glenmorangie on ice waiting for you. Also there's a most welcoming and helpful barman ready to serve you and I do believe if you ask nicely enough he may provide a bite of a different kind "
5 star reviews, that bite was tasty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Ah tmountie thank you for stepping in you're a doll. How's everything been this morning? Any issues or complaints?"
Sorry the PP... like all good night managers, I handed over and fled... but I’m back at it for the next shift... and feeling much more energetic to deliver exceptional guest experiences.
Hope the Sunday turn wasn’t too rough and am beginning to wonder if this is like the kind of hotel that you can never leave.... it’s an addictive kind of place...
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Ah tmountie thank you for stepping in you're a doll. How's everything been this morning? Any issues or complaints?
Sorry the PP... like all good night managers, I handed over and fled... but I’m back at it for the next shift... and feeling much more energetic to deliver exceptional guest experiences.
Hope the Sunday turn wasn’t too rough and am beginning to wonder if this is like the kind of hotel that you can never leave.... it’s an addictive kind of place...
"
Ah tmountie good to have you back on shift. If you could start by doing a floor walk that would be great. I hear there's a bit of commotion on the second floor if you could look into that for me! Then I'll give you a Passover of our more difficult guest or Sunshine guests as I like to call them! A real ray of fucking sunshine or also known as Karen's |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Agreed on the sunshine guests! After sunset however, the night manager has a slightly different approach to the surprise and delight.
2nd floor walk has started and found that the interconnecting rooms have all been opened and it’s turned into one big corridor of rooms for guests to roam and move freely behind closed doors! Needless to say I didn’t open too many doors... but had a listen to some very intense sounds already!
Think I’ll be patrolling this corridor again.
In the meantime, think we have time for a quick management meeting... care to join me on the roof for a view out over our scenic part of the world. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Agreed on the sunshine guests! After sunset however, the night manager has a slightly different approach to the surprise and delight.
2nd floor walk has started and found that the interconnecting rooms have all been opened and it’s turned into one big corridor of rooms for guests to roam and move freely behind closed doors! Needless to say I didn’t open too many doors... but had a listen to some very intense sounds already!
Think I’ll be patrolling this corridor again.
In the meantime, think we have time for a quick management meeting... care to join me on the roof for a view out over our scenic part of the world. "
Ah yes the second floor might need keeping an eye on. Remember that I have those restraints built in behind the risers on the corridors should you need them
A management meeting? Yes I think it's time we caught up properly alright tell Seamus behind the bar to hold the fort for the next 40mins |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A management meeting? Yes I think it's time we caught up properly alright tell Seamus behind the bar to hold the fort for the next 40mins "
We’ll leave the radio close...and 40 mins is well... plenty of time.
Good man Seamus.
I’ll be down to help clean up the glasses soon |
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