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Domestic violence
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it |
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Last week I was in my sitting room and my cat attacked me.. I dunno what to do.. I mean do I forgive her and hope it doesn't happen again or should I throw her out and make a report to the guards.. |
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"Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it "
Indeed. Its a very scary situation and from what I can gather the stats have jumped enormously during the lockdowns across the board. Male or female I would urge them to seek help. There are places that are there to help and guide and with all violent occurences please report them to the gardai |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it
Indeed. Its a very scary situation and from what I can gather the stats have jumped enormously during the lockdowns across the board. Male or female I would urge them to seek help. There are places that are there to help and guide and with all violent occurences please report them to the gardai"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it "
Cases have massively risen during the lockdowns. God help anyone in a situation like this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sad to see some of the comments making light of the living hell some people are experiencing right now, well done to OP for reaching out.
It’s rare for the fist to come first, emotional, financial abuse is slowly introduced and takes hold so that when you get that first slap, your convinced it was all your fault and your job to make right. So so sad x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sad to see some of the comments making light of the living hell some people are experiencing right now, well done to OP for reaching out.
It’s rare for the fist to come first, emotional, financial abuse is slowly introduced and takes hold so that when you get that first slap, your convinced it was all your fault and your job to make right. So so sad x
"
Very sad indeed, great to see it discussed, it's the emotional abuse us nearly worse for sure, the inside scars. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man doesn't have a voice in these situations
Why do you think this? I can't imagine this being true at all."
Its been said many times before on various documentaries about domestic abuse that some Men felt too ashamed to reveal that they are victims of emotional and physical abuse.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man doesn't have a voice in these situations
Why do you think this? I can't imagine this being true at all."
Not least because so many people refuse to believe that women can be abusive or that a "real man" would allow it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man doesn't have a voice in these situations
Why do you think this? I can't imagine this being true at all.
Its been said many times before on various documentaries about domestic abuse that some Men felt too ashamed to reveal that they are victims of emotional and physical abuse. "
That is very sad and hopefully it is changing for the better so more men will reach out for help. I know many who have got help so i guess it is happening but in general numbers are probably not as high. |
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"Sad to see some of the comments making light of the living hell some people are experiencing right now, well done to OP for reaching out.
It’s rare for the fist to come first, emotional, financial abuse is slowly introduced and takes hold so that when you get that first slap, your convinced it was all your fault and your job to make right. So so sad x
"
So so true u say when u hear it happening to others that will never be me first time they raise their hand ill walk...by the time it happens you have become the cliche..u believe them when they say they are sorry...u believe them that they will never do it again.
But most of all you believe them that its all your fault..u made them do it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it "
Well done OP for highlighting this. It not always the lady that suffers this. Men suffer from this also.
It’s sad to see people making a joke about this. Just goes to show what they are truly like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sad to see some of the comments making light of the living hell some people are experiencing right now, well done to OP for reaching out.
It’s rare for the fist to come first, emotional, financial abuse is slowly introduced and takes hold so that when you get that first slap, your convinced it was all your fault and your job to make right. So so sad x
So so true u say when u hear it happening to others that will never be me first time they raise their hand ill walk...by the time it happens you have become the cliche..u believe them when they say they are sorry...u believe them that they will never do it again.
But most of all you believe them that its all your fault..u made them do it "
It’s the psychological abuse and coercive control that appears to start first. Breaking ones spirit down piece by piece, destroying ones sense of self worth etc.
Soul destroying stuff.
Thank Christ for agencies and groups such as Womens aid, AMEN, victims alliance, COPE and RCC centres |
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"Sad to see some of the comments making light of the living hell some people are experiencing right now, well done to OP for reaching out.
It’s rare for the fist to come first, emotional, financial abuse is slowly introduced and takes hold so that when you get that first slap, your convinced it was all your fault and your job to make right. So so sad x
So so true u say when u hear it happening to others that will never be me first time they raise their hand ill walk...by the time it happens you have become the cliche..u believe them when they say they are sorry...u believe them that they will never do it again.
But most of all you believe them that its all your fault..u made them do it
It’s the psychological abuse and coercive control that appears to start first. Breaking ones spirit down piece by piece, destroying ones sense of self worth etc.
Soul destroying stuff.
Thank Christ for agencies and groups such as Womens aid, AMEN, victims alliance, COPE and RCC centres "
Cope..and im sure all agencies are amazing and i would urge anyone who is a victim or knows of someone who is to reach out to them ..it could save a life |
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"Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it
Well done OP for highlighting this. It not always the lady that suffers this. Men suffer from this also.
It’s sad to see people making a joke about this. Just goes to show what they are truly like. "
To be fair i really dont think it was meant maliciously..its just hard for a lot of people to understand why u dont 'just walk away"...its often just not that easy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s definitely rising with a lot of hidden abuse behind closed doors.
In my early 20’s
I had an ex girlfriend smash a 1 litre Smirnoff vodka bottle over my head and proceed to punch the head off me - completely unprovoked as I turned down her advances.
I was much bigger than her - but I didn’t retaliate.
I was very hurt l, frightened and in shock that someone would do that to me for no reason.
Luckily I did get away from the situation.
And I didn’t talk about it for many years, due to the stigma.
It still upsets me now as I type this.
I think domestic violence is definitely more perpetrated by men on women - and we need to get talking about it openly and honestly:
And if your in that situation, please try and reach out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Male or female it's a living hell and so horrible to witness anyone going through..To be that afraid of someone that you can't get away from them or ask for help.. Sometimes a stranger can be easier to talk with. And the current rules don't apply in that situation so please get away as safely as possible.. Xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sad to see some of the comments making light of the living hell some people are experiencing right now, well done to OP for reaching out.
It’s rare for the fist to come first, emotional, financial abuse is slowly introduced and takes hold so that when you get that first slap, your convinced it was all your fault and your job to make right. So so sad x
So so true u say when u hear it happening to others that will never be me first time they raise their hand ill walk...by the time it happens you have become the cliche..u believe them when they say they are sorry...u believe them that they will never do it again.
But most of all you believe them that its all your fault..u made them do it
It’s the psychological abuse and coercive control that appears to start first. Breaking ones spirit down piece by piece, destroying ones sense of self worth etc.
Soul destroying stuff.
Thank Christ for agencies and groups such as Womens aid, AMEN, victims alliance, COPE and RCC centres "
Yes thank god for these places definitely they help so many and some are volunteers so here is a shout out from me anyway, well done if there is anyone here who works in this area of expertise.   |
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"Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it
Well done OP for highlighting this. It not always the lady that suffers this. Men suffer from this also.
It’s sad to see people making a joke about this. Just goes to show what they are truly like.
To be fair i really dont think it was meant maliciously..its just hard for a lot of people to understand why u dont 'just walk away"...its often just not that easy "
Maybe it wasn't meant maliciously but the fact remains that a lot of people are either unaware of or choose to ignore the fact that domestic violence is not unique to women.
I've never experienced it so I'm not speaking as a victim.
I am however speaking as someone who sees that everyday on here men being correctly reprimanded when they make idiotic and inappropriate comments and it's about time that the same happened when women do likewise.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it
Well done OP for highlighting this. It not always the lady that suffers this. Men suffer from this also.
It’s sad to see people making a joke about this. Just goes to show what they are truly like.
To be fair i really dont think it was meant maliciously..its just hard for a lot of people to understand why u dont 'just walk away"...its often just not that easy
Maybe it wasn't meant maliciously but the fact remains that a lot of people are either unaware of or choose to ignore the fact that domestic violence is not unique to women.
I've never experienced it so I'm not speaking as a victim.
I am however speaking as someone who sees that everyday on here men being correctly reprimanded when they make idiotic and inappropriate comments and it's about time that the same happened when women do likewise.
"
Believe it or not this does happen to women on here, i don't know what illusion your under to the thought that it doesn't. |
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"Not sure if it has been spoken about on this site i think the number of cases are going up all the time i think a lot of us would rather not talk about it cause its not happening to us what i am trying to say is if anyone on here has or going through it don't be afraid to get help or talk to someone about it
Well done OP for highlighting this. It not always the lady that suffers this. Men suffer from this also.
It’s sad to see people making a joke about this. Just goes to show what they are truly like.
To be fair i really dont think it was meant maliciously..its just hard for a lot of people to understand why u dont 'just walk away"...its often just not that easy
Maybe it wasn't meant maliciously but the fact remains that a lot of people are either unaware of or choose to ignore the fact that domestic violence is not unique to women.
I've never experienced it so I'm not speaking as a victim.
I am however speaking as someone who sees that everyday on here men being correctly reprimanded when they make idiotic and inappropriate comments and it's about time that the same happened when women do likewise.
Believe it or not this does happen to women on here, i don't know what illusion your under to the thought that it doesn't. "
I'm under no illusions on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the fundamental message here is if you are reading this thread and if you think you are in an abusive situation as male or female, there are supports out there to help you.
Its important to tell someone about it so pick up the phone to one of these specialists teams and talk to them.
If not reach out to someone, friend, family member, someone you trust. Don't keep it to yourself.
Even reach out to someone on Fab as talking it out with someone, even a stranger online might make you feel less alone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X"
Aw sorry to hear that but the important word in you're post is the word survivor.
Stay strong and as above, keep talking to people so you are not feeling isolated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X"
I am so sorry to hear you have been through these hard times, I totally feel you and hope you are getting the help that you need now from the right people. It is so hard but like you said you're a surviver and well done to you and good luck in your new journey. Thank god you're not living the nightmare anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X"
sorry to here what happened to you i hope your living your life now the way you want to and stay strong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X"
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. Xsorry to here what happened to you i hope your living your life now the way you want to and stay strong "
Yes it takes huge strength to talk out about it so it is and takes a lot of time and effort for the healing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this. "
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through. |
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"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through. "
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours"
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours"
This is exaclty what has happened in her case. Its merely a pen pushing exercise. Thats why I said the law needs to be tougher. And until you seen someone you know well going through this the average punter has no idea how little protection victim's are offered. |
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"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.? "
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party"
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year. |
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"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year. "
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do"
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do"
Yes and sadly the barring orders are quite often ignored because the person who has been left thinks they are above all laws. Domestic violence is horrific and terrifying.
The continuing hassle the aggressor uses comes in all forms not just in physical violence and sometimes mental abuse is worse physical abuse heals after a while but the mental abuse is so much harder to recover from.
Narcissism comes in many forms sadly. Even from something as simple as continuing to hassle someone and taking pleasure from it but not seeing you are doing is wrong.And sadly the agressor usually has people who believe them and so the vicious circle will continue.
Leaving is extremely hard for someone in a domestic abuse situation because they often are the ones who have to start again from nothing but it is so worth doing.And I hope anyone in that situation manages to get out and start a better life. There is help out there to get away and just opening up to someone also makes a massive difference. |
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"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience. "
Yes without a doubt talking is a massive step in the right direction to getting out of that situation. The issue is trying to get people going through it to speak up. From experience i know that most will not speak up because they are embarressed that their relationship ended up like that. They feel shame that they will be judged for allowing it to happen and continue for so long. It is a viscious cycle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
Yes without a doubt talking is a massive step in the right direction to getting out of that situation. The issue is trying to get people going through it to speak up. From experience i know that most will not speak up because they are embarressed that their relationship ended up like that. They feel shame that they will be judged for allowing it to happen and continue for so long. It is a viscious cycle "
Yes guilt, shame, remorse, embarrassement, and absolutely full of fear of judgment and manipulation or others who seems to think that when a person is being themselves speaking up for themselves taking back power that it is hassasment because they feel threatened but the power. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience. "
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change. "
I honestly do not think she meant it in a patronising way tbh,she was only giving advice and until you have lived it you can never truly understand it. There is no need to get nasty it is only advice and good advice when the injured party is ready to speak it is worth doing but until such a time occurs that they are ready to speak there is little else advice can be given.
You say you have a friend that went through it so therefore you should see what this lady was trying to say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
I honestly do not think she meant it in a patronising way tbh,she was only giving advice and until you have lived it you can never truly understand it. There is no need to get nasty it is only advice and good advice when the injured party is ready to speak it is worth doing but until such a time occurs that they are ready to speak there is little else advice can be given.
You say you have a friend that went through it so therefore you should see what this lady was trying to say. "
I wasn't being nasty at all.
I laid out the facts. It's been said above that no one really understands it until theyve gone through it or know someone who has.
And yet this poster continues to offer "advice" based on a lack of understanding. I personally found it patronising and I'm not even the victim but I've seen what a victim is living through. And there's not a thing anyone can do to ease her fear on a daily basis even after she's left him.
This thread merely highlights the ignorance and lack of understanding that exists surrounding this issue. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
I honestly do not think she meant it in a patronising way tbh,she was only giving advice and until you have lived it you can never truly understand it. There is no need to get nasty it is only advice and good advice when the injured party is ready to speak it is worth doing but until such a time occurs that they are ready to speak there is little else advice can be given.
You say you have a friend that went through it so therefore you should see what this lady was trying to say.
I wasn't being nasty at all.
I laid out the facts. It's been said above that no one really understands it until theyve gone through it or know someone who has.
And yet this poster continues to offer "advice" based on a lack of understanding. I personally found it patronising and I'm not even the victim but I've seen what a victim is living through. And there's not a thing anyone can do to ease her fear on a daily basis even after she's left him.
This thread merely highlights the ignorance and lack of understanding that exists surrounding this issue. "
Im sorry but what you are saying sounds very patronising to me,you didn't live it,your poor friend did and probably still is. Yes while i agree there is a severe lack of understanding surrounding abuse the lady was just offering her take on it. We all have differing opinions about how things as sensitive as this should be handled and no two people are gonna agree on how to get out of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
I honestly do not think she meant it in a patronising way tbh,she was only giving advice and until you have lived it you can never truly understand it. There is no need to get nasty it is only advice and good advice when the injured party is ready to speak it is worth doing but until such a time occurs that they are ready to speak there is little else advice can be given.
You say you have a friend that went through it so therefore you should see what this lady was trying to say.
I wasn't being nasty at all.
I laid out the facts. It's been said above that no one really understands it until theyve gone through it or know someone who has.
And yet this poster continues to offer "advice" based on a lack of understanding. I personally found it patronising and I'm not even the victim but I've seen what a victim is living through. And there's not a thing anyone can do to ease her fear on a daily basis even after she's left him.
This thread merely highlights the ignorance and lack of understanding that exists surrounding this issue.
Im sorry but what you are saying sounds very patronising to me,you didn't live it,your poor friend did and probably still is. Yes while i agree there is a severe lack of understanding surrounding abuse the lady was just offering her take on it. We all have differing opinions about how things as sensitive as this should be handled and no two people are gonna agree on how to get out of it"
I never said I found you patronising? Where did you get that from?
|
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"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
I honestly do not think she meant it in a patronising way tbh,she was only giving advice and until you have lived it you can never truly understand it. There is no need to get nasty it is only advice and good advice when the injured party is ready to speak it is worth doing but until such a time occurs that they are ready to speak there is little else advice can be given.
You say you have a friend that went through it so therefore you should see what this lady was trying to say.
I wasn't being nasty at all.
I laid out the facts. It's been said above that no one really understands it until theyve gone through it or know someone who has.
And yet this poster continues to offer "advice" based on a lack of understanding. I personally found it patronising and I'm not even the victim but I've seen what a victim is living through. And there's not a thing anyone can do to ease her fear on a daily basis even after she's left him.
This thread merely highlights the ignorance and lack of understanding that exists surrounding this issue.
Im sorry but what you are saying sounds very patronising to me,you didn't live it,your poor friend did and probably still is. Yes while i agree there is a severe lack of understanding surrounding abuse the lady was just offering her take on it. We all have differing opinions about how things as sensitive as this should be handled and no two people are gonna agree on how to get out of it
I never said I found you patronising? Where did you get that from?
"
This is true you commented that what the other lady said was patronising,i just said i found what you said patronising |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
I honestly do not think she meant it in a patronising way tbh,she was only giving advice and until you have lived it you can never truly understand it. There is no need to get nasty it is only advice and good advice when the injured party is ready to speak it is worth doing but until such a time occurs that they are ready to speak there is little else advice can be given.
You say you have a friend that went through it so therefore you should see what this lady was trying to say.
I wasn't being nasty at all.
I laid out the facts. It's been said above that no one really understands it until theyve gone through it or know someone who has.
And yet this poster continues to offer "advice" based on a lack of understanding. I personally found it patronising and I'm not even the victim but I've seen what a victim is living through. And there's not a thing anyone can do to ease her fear on a daily basis even after she's left him.
This thread merely highlights the ignorance and lack of understanding that exists surrounding this issue.
Im sorry but what you are saying sounds very patronising to me,you didn't live it,your poor friend did and probably still is. Yes while i agree there is a severe lack of understanding surrounding abuse the lady was just offering her take on it. We all have differing opinions about how things as sensitive as this should be handled and no two people are gonna agree on how to get out of it
I never said I found you patronising? Where did you get that from?
This is true you commented that what the other lady said was patronising,i just said i found what you said patronising"
I think that you need to clarify the definition of "patronising".
Just because Im not the victim here doesn't mean I can't find her posts patronising. |
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"Not based ireland.. but survivor of domestic abuse and violence.
6yrs free.
Post separation abuse been horrific
No support from police
No support from courts.
Had threats to kill and absolutely nothing.
Hope you all safe. X
It's not until most of us know someone close going through this that we realise the prevalence and extent of this abuse and as you've alluded to the lack of support where ever the victim turns to except for close friends and family.
When you consider this its understandable why so many victims who don't have a strong and close network of family and close friends almost find it easier to stay in such a relationship than to try to escape it.
Some of the post seperation abuse my friend has had to endure is sickening. The worst bit about it was that her solicitor warned her right in the beginning what stages her ex would go through as a narcissist and what he would would attempt to do. And almost like clockwork he followed suit. The law needs to be tougher as there is no protection agaisnt this.
There is protection and barring orders which is what the domestic violence professionals advice. I think these are very useful but must be followed through.
Yes there is protection and there are barring orders in place for the protection of the injured parties but it can take anywhere from 1-2 months before these orders can be put in place and sometimes that is too late. Then you have the issue of the other party not taking heed of any order that is in place and if that happens they are reported and taken into custody only to be released the following few hours
Yes they give temporary order while awaiting court for the actual order. They are released yes and then the injured party must repeat getting them arrested but yes i see what you're saying. If the law was stronger in this regard maybe holding for longer or court case being not such a long process. How would people like to see this law improved I'm interested.?
The laws around this suck,they are very slow to get it to court and meanwhile the injured party is left to fend for themselves. I think personally if it has been reported numerous times over the years then its on record so the process should move alot faster to protect the injured party
Definitely the process should be quicker, the guards are quite good now these days much better than the olden days in my experience of it any way. Especially in the current times lots of empathy and help available for victims. The percentage of garda themselves presented with mental health issues has risen this year.
Yes i agree the guards are more emphatic towards people that are going through this but like everything in this country their hands are tied there is only so much they can do
Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
I honestly do not think she meant it in a patronising way tbh,she was only giving advice and until you have lived it you can never truly understand it. There is no need to get nasty it is only advice and good advice when the injured party is ready to speak it is worth doing but until such a time occurs that they are ready to speak there is little else advice can be given.
You say you have a friend that went through it so therefore you should see what this lady was trying to say.
I wasn't being nasty at all.
I laid out the facts. It's been said above that no one really understands it until theyve gone through it or know someone who has.
And yet this poster continues to offer "advice" based on a lack of understanding. I personally found it patronising and I'm not even the victim but I've seen what a victim is living through. And there's not a thing anyone can do to ease her fear on a daily basis even after she's left him.
This thread merely highlights the ignorance and lack of understanding that exists surrounding this issue.
Im sorry but what you are saying sounds very patronising to me,you didn't live it,your poor friend did and probably still is. Yes while i agree there is a severe lack of understanding surrounding abuse the lady was just offering her take on it. We all have differing opinions about how things as sensitive as this should be handled and no two people are gonna agree on how to get out of it
I never said I found you patronising? Where did you get that from?
This is true you commented that what the other lady said was patronising,i just said i found what you said patronising
I think that you need to clarify the definition of "patronising".
Just because Im not the victim here doesn't mean I can't find her posts patronising. "
Ok i do apologise yes you have a right to find her posts patronising but when i initially read your reply it seemed like you were attacking somebody for just giving advice that they thought may be helpfull.
I can see everybodys point of view on this thread and it is highly charged because of the nature of topic, everybody as i already said will have a differing opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change. "
Gotta bare in mind that your opinion is just that 'your opinion'. It's based on 'your experience' which is in essence third hand from your friend and without doubt is the edited highlights as you're not one of the only two people in that scenario that know what has actually happened in its entirety.
Having someone listen is important, having a support network is important, being believed is more important to any victim of domestic violence than you give any credit for at all. It's not at all blah, blah, blah
I get your pissed off that your friend isn't getting the support and help you believe they deserve but that doesn't give you the right to be condescending and discount others input on this thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
Gotta bare in mind that your opinion is just that 'your opinion'. It's based on 'your experience' which is in essence third hand from your friend and without doubt is the edited highlights as you're not one of the only two people in that scenario that know what has actually happened in its entirety.
Having someone listen is important, having a support network is important, being believed is more important to any victim of domestic violence than you give any credit for at all. It's not at all blah, blah, blah
I get your pissed off that your friend isn't getting the support and help you believe they deserve but that doesn't give you the right to be condescending and discount others input on this thread. "
Massively edited quotations there, as you have a habit of doing to suit your point.
If you read my posts above you will see that it was I who suggested before the other poster the importance of a close network of friends and family.
To follow it up with "sometimes this is all a person needs is to be heard".... Really??? I think anyone with any insight or that has lived through the repercussions would realise that saying that was all a victim needed demonstrated a massive misunderstanding of the gravity of these scenarios.
Saying that all someone needs is to be heard is on a par with people stating that victim should just leave the perpetrator, as if its thats simple.
My opinion is my opinion yes, but I've seen it first hand, it's not "third hand" when you see what it does to someone first hand and you see the perpetrator get arrested, questioned cautioned and released all over again within hours only to repeat the intimidation, stalking and flout the NMOs. And when the police openly admit that they can't do anything more about it even though they'd love to, the law has to change.
If you read my original post you would have seen that this girls solicitors warned her of what she would face in advance and it played out almost to a tee. These are not opinions, these are well recognised behaviours and actions and character traits.
So your assumption that I should remember that this is just my opinion and third hand information is wrong. You can't help yourself but to massively edit the discussion and pick out little bits to try to make a case to have a dig. You've done this countless times before on the forum.
Like Ive said above, there's a massive ignorance and lack of education on this subject and you've proven that again. |
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"Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
Gotta bare in mind that your opinion is just that 'your opinion'. It's based on 'your experience' which is in essence third hand from your friend and without doubt is the edited highlights as you're not one of the only two people in that scenario that know what has actually happened in its entirety.
Having someone listen is important, having a support network is important, being believed is more important to any victim of domestic violence than you give any credit for at all. It's not at all blah, blah, blah
I get your pissed off that your friend isn't getting the support and help you believe they deserve but that doesn't give you the right to be condescending and discount others input on this thread.
Massively edited quotations there, as you have a habit of doing to suit your point.
If you read my posts above you will see that it was I who suggested before the other poster the importance of a close network of friends and family.
To follow it up with "sometimes this is all a person needs is to be heard".... Really??? I think anyone with any insight or that has lived through the repercussions would realise that saying that was all a victim needed demonstrated a massive misunderstanding of the gravity of these scenarios.
Saying that all someone needs is to be heard is on a par with people stating that victim should just leave the perpetrator, as if its thats simple.
My opinion is my opinion yes, but I've seen it first hand, it's not "third hand" when you see what it does to someone first hand and you see the perpetrator get arrested, questioned cautioned and released all over again within hours only to repeat the intimidation, stalking and flout the NMOs. And when the police openly admit that they can't do anything more about it even though they'd love to, the law has to change.
If you read my original post you would have seen that this girls solicitors warned her of what she would face in advance and it played out almost to a tee. These are not opinions, these are well recognised behaviours and actions and character traits.
So your assumption that I should remember that this is just my opinion and third hand information is wrong. You can't help yourself but to massively edit the discussion and pick out little bits to try to make a case to have a dig. You've done this countless times before on the forum.
Like Ive said above, there's a massive ignorance and lack of education on this subject and you've proven that again. "
We have all lost sight of the ops intentions for starting this thread,it was started in the hope that anybody in this situation should try get help and don't suffer in silence.
I applaud that poster for being there for their friend but please do not loose sight of the fact that no matter how much you are there for her inevitebly it is her fight and as you rightly pointed out she has to go home alone and try carry on as normal. Anybody can only be there a certain amount and its usually when all the people are gone that is when she will feel it the worst the doubts set in as to if she done right to leave or not, would it be easier for everyone if i just went back?can i handle being on my own? This is where the talking comes in to play because most will decide on the easier option and go back and of course it is never the right choice to go back but when your sat alone night after night you play down all that happened and try explain it away.
So there really is no right or wrong on talking it will work for some it won't work for others. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
Gotta bare in mind that your opinion is just that 'your opinion'. It's based on 'your experience' which is in essence third hand from your friend and without doubt is the edited highlights as you're not one of the only two people in that scenario that know what has actually happened in its entirety.
Having someone listen is important, having a support network is important, being believed is more important to any victim of domestic violence than you give any credit for at all. It's not at all blah, blah, blah
I get your pissed off that your friend isn't getting the support and help you believe they deserve but that doesn't give you the right to be condescending and discount others input on this thread.
Massively edited quotations there, as you have a habit of doing to suit your point.
If you read my posts above you will see that it was I who suggested before the other poster the importance of a close network of friends and family.
To follow it up with "sometimes this is all a person needs is to be heard".... Really??? I think anyone with any insight or that has lived through the repercussions would realise that saying that was all a victim needed demonstrated a massive misunderstanding of the gravity of these scenarios.
Saying that all someone needs is to be heard is on a par with people stating that victim should just leave the perpetrator, as if its thats simple.
My opinion is my opinion yes, but I've seen it first hand, it's not "third hand" when you see what it does to someone first hand and you see the perpetrator get arrested, questioned cautioned and released all over again within hours only to repeat the intimidation, stalking and flout the NMOs. And when the police openly admit that they can't do anything more about it even though they'd love to, the law has to change.
If you read my original post you would have seen that this girls solicitors warned her of what she would face in advance and it played out almost to a tee. These are not opinions, these are well recognised behaviours and actions and character traits.
So your assumption that I should remember that this is just my opinion and third hand information is wrong. You can't help yourself but to massively edit the discussion and pick out little bits to try to make a case to have a dig. You've done this countless times before on the forum.
Like Ive said above, there's a massive ignorance and lack of education on this subject and you've proven that again.
We have all lost sight of the ops intentions for starting this thread,it was started in the hope that anybody in this situation should try get help and don't suffer in silence.
I applaud that poster for being there for their friend but please do not loose sight of the fact that no matter how much you are there for her inevitebly it is her fight and as you rightly pointed out she has to go home alone and try carry on as normal. Anybody can only be there a certain amount and its usually when all the people are gone that is when she will feel it the worst the doubts set in as to if she done right to leave or not, would it be easier for everyone if i just went back?can i handle being on my own? This is where the talking comes in to play because most will decide on the easier option and go back and of course it is never the right choice to go back but when your sat alone night after night you play down all that happened and try explain it away.
So there really is no right or wrong on talking it will work for some it won't work for others."
Thank god someone sees what this is truly about, this whole thread was not began about "law" it was a support thread which includes just moral support. Also my comment about being "heard" is in relation to my own experiences myself and other domestic violence sufferers. The healing process is long and very painful and requires on going professional help not just "law" the law can only do so much but i do agree from the bottom of my heart that the law should be stricter in helping victims without a shadow of a doubt. |
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"Yes they must follow protocols, i do encourage people to speak up about it, there is always someone who has either been or going through it is some shape or form with to lend friendly ears. Sometimes this is all a person needs is to be "heard" but the art of listening attentively and effectively is without a shadow of a doubt a skill in my experience.
This is total patronising nonsense. Speak to someone, empathy... Blah blah
You clearly don't understand as you claim to. All the empathy in the world and all the talking about it in the world means nothing when at the end of the day the frightened victim has to go back to his or her house and attempt to get on with their life and go to work. Meanwhile the stalking, the intimidation, the clear flouting of NMO's and the threatening behaviour continues without proper consequences and is literally unpunished.
This is why the law needs to change.
Gotta bare in mind that your opinion is just that 'your opinion'. It's based on 'your experience' which is in essence third hand from your friend and without doubt is the edited highlights as you're not one of the only two people in that scenario that know what has actually happened in its entirety.
Having someone listen is important, having a support network is important, being believed is more important to any victim of domestic violence than you give any credit for at all. It's not at all blah, blah, blah
I get your pissed off that your friend isn't getting the support and help you believe they deserve but that doesn't give you the right to be condescending and discount others input on this thread.
Massively edited quotations there, as you have a habit of doing to suit your point.
If you read my posts above you will see that it was I who suggested before the other poster the importance of a close network of friends and family.
To follow it up with "sometimes this is all a person needs is to be heard".... Really??? I think anyone with any insight or that has lived through the repercussions would realise that saying that was all a victim needed demonstrated a massive misunderstanding of the gravity of these scenarios.
Saying that all someone needs is to be heard is on a par with people stating that victim should just leave the perpetrator, as if its thats simple.
My opinion is my opinion yes, but I've seen it first hand, it's not "third hand" when you see what it does to someone first hand and you see the perpetrator get arrested, questioned cautioned and released all over again within hours only to repeat the intimidation, stalking and flout the NMOs. And when the police openly admit that they can't do anything more about it even though they'd love to, the law has to change.
If you read my original post you would have seen that this girls solicitors warned her of what she would face in advance and it played out almost to a tee. These are not opinions, these are well recognised behaviours and actions and character traits.
So your assumption that I should remember that this is just my opinion and third hand information is wrong. You can't help yourself but to massively edit the discussion and pick out little bits to try to make a case to have a dig. You've done this countless times before on the forum.
Like Ive said above, there's a massive ignorance and lack of education on this subject and you've proven that again.
We have all lost sight of the ops intentions for starting this thread,it was started in the hope that anybody in this situation should try get help and don't suffer in silence.
I applaud that poster for being there for their friend but please do not loose sight of the fact that no matter how much you are there for her inevitebly it is her fight and as you rightly pointed out she has to go home alone and try carry on as normal. Anybody can only be there a certain amount and its usually when all the people are gone that is when she will feel it the worst the doubts set in as to if she done right to leave or not, would it be easier for everyone if i just went back?can i handle being on my own? This is where the talking comes in to play because most will decide on the easier option and go back and of course it is never the right choice to go back but when your sat alone night after night you play down all that happened and try explain it away.
So there really is no right or wrong on talking it will work for some it won't work for others.
Thank god someone sees what this is truly about, this whole thread was not began about "law" it was a support thread which includes just moral support. Also my comment about being "heard" is in relation to my own experiences myself and other domestic violence sufferers. The healing process is long and very painful and requires on going professional help not just "law" the law can only do so much but i do agree from the bottom of my heart that the law should be stricter in helping victims without a shadow of a doubt. "
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