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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I get that messages that consist solely of “How’s it going?”, and evening worse “Fancy a fuck?” are not going to elicit many replies, but I gather a 500 word essay is going to send many running for the hills as well.
Surely creating a profile and searching for members that you appear to have something in common with IS making an effort?
Those of you who have “make an effort” in your profiles, what shows you that the person who is contacting you has made enough of the right kind of effort? |
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For me it means a well crafted profile that makes sense, isn't contradictory, and is written in sentences and with reasonable spelling and grammar.
Also the messages are personal and not copy and paste generic. They also show that the have read my profile and point out that we are a good match, and suggest something that we are both looking for.
It's not that hard. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me it means a well crafted profile that makes sense, isn't contradictory, and is written in sentences and with reasonable spelling and grammar.
Also the messages are personal and not copy and paste generic. They also show that the have read my profile and point out that we are a good match, and suggest something that we are both looking for.
It's not that hard."
This, but they will also need to have public pics showing a body I find attractive, and if they have verifications from a bunch of people I consider to be arseholes, a polite no thanks will be the response. |
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"
Surely creating a profile and searching for members that you appear to have something in common with IS making an effort?"
Its too early and ive not had enough sleep and tea to wrap my head around this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op, you are on here 7 months. Which coincides with the advent of covid 19. Lots of people arent meeting at this time. So dont be too hard on yourself. You will always get knock backs on here. People arent being rude, its just the way it is. Women recieve hundreds of messages daily and cant answer all of them. Keep your chin up pal. |
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Just as important to tell people about you on your profile. No point saying you've been here before because so have most people.
Making an effort goes beyond the first message. No point in getting it spot on with your first one if you don't take the time to maintain that level of effort in any subsequent messages.
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"Op, you are on here 7 months. Which coincides with the advent of covid 19. Lots of people arent meeting at this time. So dont be too hard on yourself. You will always get knock backs on here. People arent being rude, its just the way it is. Women recieve hundreds of messages daily and cant answer all of them. Keep your chin up pal."
The fallacy of fab.
If women receive “hundreds” of messages daily that is through choice.
Simple filter use would sort out any superfluous messages.
A blank profile set up as a female would get inundated let alone a genuine profile.
But then, some crave the attention and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as they don’t subject us to statuses bemoaning the avalanche of mail being received  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Op, you are on here 7 months. Which coincides with the advent of covid 19. Lots of people arent meeting at this time. So dont be too hard on yourself. You will always get knock backs on here. People arent being rude, its just the way it is. Women recieve hundreds of messages daily and cant answer all of them. Keep your chin up pal.
The fallacy of fab.
If women receive “hundreds” of messages daily that is through choice.
Simple filter use would sort out any superfluous messages.
A blank profile set up as a female would get inundated let alone a genuine profile.
But then, some crave the attention and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as they don’t subject us to statuses bemoaning the avalanche of mail being received "
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"I get that messages that consist solely of “How’s it going?”, and evening worse “Fancy a fuck?” are not going to elicit many replies, but I gather a 500 word essay is going to send many running for the hills as well.
Surely creating a profile and searching for members that you appear to have something in common with IS making an effort?
Those of you who have “make an effort” in your profiles, what shows you that the person who is contacting you has made enough of the right kind of effort?"
- They have a written profile that tells me something about them as a partner (not what they are seeking, what they have to offer)
- they have good pictures that show their body (not just dick pics or no pics at all)
- they show in their message that they have read my profile (not requesting a meet in the first message, not asking me what I'm into, aren't married, aren't looking for a quick impersonal ride)
But the effort I want to see is in the whole interaction after the first message. It absolutely ISN'T enough for me that someone is on the site and has messaged me, that is far from enough to make me want to fuck someone. Very very very far.
I want to establish that the person messaging me wants to fuck ME... As opposed to just wanting to fuck anyone, anything, anytime. And after that, that I want to fuck them! Simply being here doesn't guarantee any of that, not to mention compatibility or good sex.
You can't do that in a first message obviously, but the first message definitely sets the tone and if it doesn't pique my interest, I just delete. Life's too short to be wasting time on meh. If its not a fuck yes, it's a no.
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But in all fairness everything your saying is right it is very hard to write a first message solely going from profile etc without it Coming across like you’re applying for a job lol, the way a certain person types a message and the way to receiver of the message reads it, could come across as rude or stuck up. It’s like if you ever got a message and you replied “bluntly” just say and the other person replied are you ok and your perfectly fine just the way they take it in I guess  |
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We always go by the rule : if you have nothing sensible to say after reading a profile - maybe that person just isn't for you (doesn't matter if listed interests are matching).
With the right match all the "effort" is effortless and the spark comes naturally.
Someone recently told us that we need to put in some effort too... We acknowledge that we may not be the best texters (especially in last six months).
But we also don't expect anyone to want to have sex with us on a first, second or even fifth meet.
To us effort is quality time spent in each other's (us and other people's) company  |
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