FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Why Fab, why monogamy
Why Fab, why monogamy
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If as society seems to ordain that we be Monogamous, then why Fab, why do we seek sex with someone that is not our partner, especially if sex is about procreation & not fun.
Personally I enjoy sex, i find its fun,addictive, a stress reliever, so are those of us on Fab just the odd ones out or is sex something to be enjoyed & is monogamy outmoded for modern society. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I wouldn't say a lot have sex just to procreate. I have never have for that reason anyhow I have sex because I enjoy it especially when you find someone who is on the same wavelength as you.
As for monogamy before I joined fab I believed it did work and I guess with some people it does. But since joining here I'm no longer convinced that it does in most cases.
I think swinging as a couple takes a lot of trust between both people involved and as long as both are truthful with each other then it works.
I'm not even going to get into the whole attached but partner doesn't know side as it always just becomes a shite storm and I'm pretty sure plenty of others will be voicing their opinions on that as per usual. All I will say is nothing is black and white.
Everyone is on here for their own reasons. Mine is most definitely not procreation  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I fuckin love Haribo Tangfastics, and in a perfect world, I would eat Haribo Tanfastics everybody. But in reality, sometimes I just want a Boost bar with a cup of tea. Or maybe a pack of mini eggs. But regardless, I will always go back to my beloved Haribo Tangfastics. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can have an exciting, fulfilling and enjoyable sex life within a monogamous relationship, Ohpee.
For some, undoubtedly, the standardised view of relationships will shape what they see as "normal" or what's expected of them. After all we all tend to grow up accepting what we see and hear rather than question it.
Some people simply believe that there's one person truly meant for them and embrace giving their everything to them. The stability that provides, the certainty, is comforting. That relationship fulfills what they want in every way.
For some monogamy just doesn't appeal to them; it may sound extreme but people can and do view it as "ownership", for lack of a better word. The idea of limiting their own, or their partners, potential connections (both emotional and physical) with the countless amount of people we encounter throughout our lives is counter-intuitive.
For others, purely speaking in terms of sex, emotions and the aforementioned don't necessarily go hand in hand; for some it's a purely physical act. Therefore they may not feel that their relationship is strengthened, fulfilling or "enhanced" by remaining monogamous. Additionally, they then may not see non-monogamy as a threat to that relationship either.
Being non-monogamous isn't about enjoying sex more than anyone else nor is it about being better than others or even more "progressive". It's about what works for you as an individual/couple.
Whether a person finds themselves in a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship they'll often have arrived there questioning the same values and discussing the same opinions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're emotionally monogamous, anything else would be impossible in our view, loving someone means acting in a way that meets their needs as well as our own.
Sex with others is just a hobby we share, I simply couldn't stomach golf |
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"We're emotionally monogamous, anything else would be impossible in our view, loving someone means acting in a way that meets their needs as well as our own.
Sex with others is just a hobby we share, I simply couldn't stomach golf"
lol is it not the same thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're emotionally monogamous, anything else would be impossible in our view, loving someone means acting in a way that meets their needs as well as our own.
Sex with others is just a hobby we share, I simply couldn't stomach golflol is it not the same thing "
Christ no, one hole in golf is too many |
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I think looking back in time the crux of it is women being supported and protected during pregnancy and birth, and going forward during child rearing. In modern times obviously things have changed, but in a time where a mother and child might have died if they weren't provided for, this was very important. It takes time for culture to change. |
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Why do some people do some things and some people do different things?
In my experience every partner I ever had has cheated on me, and I've realised the opposite is also true. I don't really like the term cheating now mind.
just don't think modern life and modern people have the attention span to maintain a truly monogamous relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are animals, and society tries to put us into little boxes that deny our basic animal instincts. Our closest relatives are bonobos and they literally fuck anything that moves.. "
Lots and lots of animals mate for life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Different cultures have very different attitudes towards sex - so maybe it does not take too long for cultures to change. In the Irish context, there have been enornous changes just in the last 30 years - changes most people would say are for the better. I think its great people are now more open minded and no longer bound by the strict codes of a very conservative society. Its great people can enjoy and explore sex just for its own sake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I remember hearing once that monogamy really only came about as a necessity for the passing down of property. Previously, entire villages would share sexual partners and procreate, and everyone would raise the children together. But then when property ownership became a thing, monogamy was needed to create clear pathways for inheritance. Dunno if that's true but it made sense to me.
For me, I think monogamy offers the stability needed to raise a family in a way that non-monogomy never can.
That said, I much prefer the idea of emotional monogomy coupled with an element of swinging to the traditional version. But I've never really had that. So it's entirely possible than when it came to it, I wouldn't be able to have my partner sleeping with other women. Who knows!
I think traditional monogomy puts an incredible amount of pressure on both parties to keep the relationship fresh and exciting. |
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I'm monogamous and on Fab, hi! No interest in sharing a partner sexually (been there done that have the trauma), but I'm single and I like chatting and meeting with sexually adventurous men, going to parties etc.
I think the vast majority of people are not wired for emotional nonmonogamy. With the best will in the world, no matter how you rationalise it, emotions win out. I think a lot of couples explore it as a way to get their unmet needs fulfilled (I know I did!) but it doesn't fix the underlying issue.
Sexual nonmonogamy seems to be more successful for most but again, it's hard to keep emotions completely out of something that is literally designed to trigger hormones and build intimacy. It's a very slippery slope.
Lastly I think people just don't have the fucking time or energy for more than one partner!!
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