FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Immediate meet for a coffee
Immediate meet for a coffee
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Chatting to people online isn't our thing and I think many can say the same thing.
In a different thread I've noticed many saying that they get turned off when someone immediately asks them to meet for a coffee and now I've conflicting feelings.
Because I strongly agree with them but also strongly disagree.
Strongly agree because:
I get them random messages too when anyone out of the blue would be like "right, let's meet today" or "give me a chance and meet me for a coffee"
And you genuinely don't know who that person is, what do they want and assume they're expecting you to drop everything and run to them with legs wide open while in reality they're usually just hoping that you're as bored as they are.
1.And then I also strongly disagree because we do it all the time too:
Some people arrange play meets in advance then chat leading up to it. We arrange a night out or a coffee in advance and hope to chat in time leading up to it.
2.When I'm out and about and have time to spare - I do put up a status update for anyone to join me for a coffee. No catch.
Only one person have showed up so far so I'm assuming men don't like to drop everything and run to meet a woman either.
3. Sometimes the very first message which is offering you a drink or a coffee is very respectful and tactful. Where a person clearly has taken time to get to know you a little from your profile and getting to know you as a person isn't a chore to them but something that they genuinely want to do.
So in all that - let's meet for a coffee out of the blue doesn't have to be a complete turn off. I think it's all about how a person managed to articulate the reason behind wanting to meet for a coffee
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"Chatting to people online isn't our thing and I think many can say the same thing.
In a different thread I've noticed many saying that they get turned off when someone immediately asks them to meet for a coffee and now I've conflicting feelings.
Because I strongly agree with them but also strongly disagree.
Strongly agree because:
I get them random messages too when anyone out of the blue would be like "right, let's meet today" or "give me a chance and meet me for a coffee"
And you genuinely don't know who that person is, what do they want and assume they're expecting you to drop everything and run to them with legs wide open while in reality they're usually just hoping that you're as bored as they are.
1.And then I also strongly disagree because we do it all the time too:
Some people arrange play meets in advance then chat leading up to it. We arrange a night out or a coffee in advance and hope to chat in time leading up to it.
2.When I'm out and about and have time to spare - I do put up a status update for anyone to join me for a coffee. No catch.
Only one person have showed up so far so I'm assuming men don't like to drop everything and run to meet a woman either.
3. Sometimes the very first message which is offering you a drink or a coffee is very respectful and tactful. Where a person clearly has taken time to get to know you a little from your profile and getting to know you as a person isn't a chore to them but something that they genuinely want to do.
So in all that - let's meet for a coffee out of the blue doesn't have to be a complete turn off. I think it's all about how a person managed to articulate the reason behind wanting to meet for a coffee
"
We wouldn't normally have time to do a spontaneous meet, when we have and agreed to a coffee meet, the guys never showed up and where so shy of being seen they hid in their cars. So we just assume that most guys asking to meet now are just chancers (and this reply isn't an open invitation for every passing trucker to meet for coffee lol) |
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"Chatting to people online isn't our thing and I think many can say the same thing.
In a different thread I've noticed many saying that they get turned off when someone immediately asks them to meet for a coffee and now I've conflicting feelings.
Because I strongly agree with them but also strongly disagree.
Strongly agree because:
I get them random messages too when anyone out of the blue would be like "right, let's meet today" or "give me a chance and meet me for a coffee"
And you genuinely don't know who that person is, what do they want and assume they're expecting you to drop everything and run to them with legs wide open while in reality they're usually just hoping that you're as bored as they are.
1.And then I also strongly disagree because we do it all the time too:
Some people arrange play meets in advance then chat leading up to it. We arrange a night out or a coffee in advance and hope to chat in time leading up to it.
2.When I'm out and about and have time to spare - I do put up a status update for anyone to join me for a coffee. No catch.
Only one person have showed up so far so I'm assuming men don't like to drop everything and run to meet a woman either.
3. Sometimes the very first message which is offering you a drink or a coffee is very respectful and tactful. Where a person clearly has taken time to get to know you a little from your profile and getting to know you as a person isn't a chore to them but something that they genuinely want to do.
So in all that - let's meet for a coffee out of the blue doesn't have to be a complete turn off. I think it's all about how a person managed to articulate the reason behind wanting to meet for a coffee
"
Yeah I'd rather swap a few messages before asking to meet I'm pretty sure a guy like me was to ask something like that out of the blue there is a good chance I will be blocked lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im kind of shy and introvert so I find easier to chat online to get to know the person a litle bit and normally it flows nicely without the nerves to do it face to face with a complete stranger knowing you met on a sex site! And sometimes thats exactly what ruins the meet, the nerves, because you can get a wrong impression of the other part. So coffee straight away for me would be a bit awkward . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to chat for a wee bit before agreeing to meet, my free time is very limited so I like to give people a chance to throw out any red flags before i give them my time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would always need a chat first, if there's no craic there is no point in meeting.
Also we have real life commitments so last minute is unlikely to suit us.
But each to their own
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I have to agree with Dizzy and Peach on this. I like to chat on here for a bit before meeting anyone who pushes to meet quick I lose interest in. I'd prefer to get to know someone and know we will at least be able to chat and have a conversation before I meet them in person.
And also I met one guy within a few days of chatting on here when I first joined fab and it was the worst and scariest meet I ever had so that alone has proved to me that I need to chat and get to know someone more before I meet them in person. Now usually red flags show if you chat for a while.
Plus my home life is busy so even on days I'm not working just doing spontaneous meets is almost impossible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like that approach as in it adds to mystery. You may click you may hate other and you don't know how it will go everything is just unknown.
On the other side it's just very time precise so you may find no one at that particular time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to agree with Dizzy and Peach on this. I like to chat on here for a bit before meeting anyone who pushes to meet quick I lose interest in. I'd prefer to get to know someone and know we will at least be able to chat and have a conversation before I meet them in person.
And also I met one guy within a few days of chatting on here when I first joined fab and it was the worst and scariest meet I ever had so that alone has proved to me that I need to chat and get to know someone more before I meet them in person. Now usually red flags show if you chat for a while.
Plus my home life is busy so even on days I'm not working just doing spontaneous meets is almost impossible. "
Is it possible that nerves, insecurity or other stuff make a person act terribly and show theit worst side. I always wonder why people behave in certain ways and try to justify and maybe show a bit of empathy? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I do agree with you ladies when it comes to one on one scenario.
Only finding online chats a bit awkward now when it comes to a group chat (us and a person/couple we're chatting to).
There's always one or two people who have nothing to say and don't even participate in them chats which I find off putting meanwhile in real life everyone gets along fine and dandy and there's no awkward silences.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ahh i have little targets i am for to get to know someone a bit more:
50 messages back and forth = 'ok we have lots in common here'
100 messages back and forth = 'hold on a sec, why havent i scared her off yet'
200 messages back and forth = 'now we are about to start talking coffee date and times'
201st messgage = "Hello.....you still there  " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My work takes me on the road during the day so I do sometimes put up if anyone wants a coffee meet but never much success, I generally don't expect one, but would never go abuse if someone couldn't meet what's the point in that |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"I have to agree with Dizzy and Peach on this. I like to chat on here for a bit before meeting anyone who pushes to meet quick I lose interest in. I'd prefer to get to know someone and know we will at least be able to chat and have a conversation before I meet them in person.
And also I met one guy within a few days of chatting on here when I first joined fab and it was the worst and scariest meet I ever had so that alone has proved to me that I need to chat and get to know someone more before I meet them in person. Now usually red flags show if you chat for a while.
Plus my home life is busy so even on days I'm not working just doing spontaneous meets is almost impossible.
Is it possible that nerves, insecurity or other stuff make a person act terribly and show theit worst side. I always wonder why people behave in certain ways and try to justify and maybe show a bit of empathy?"
Well not this guy I'm not going to go into all details but we kissed goodbye after we met for coffee he got really rough with me I had to quite literally fight him off when I did get him to stop and asked him wtf he thought he was doing his answer was you're on fab I presumed you'd be up for it. There is no excuse for that behaviour. It's the only time any guy I met off here has actually scared me and I came very close to leaving over it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to agree with Dizzy and Peach on this. I like to chat on here for a bit before meeting anyone who pushes to meet quick I lose interest in. I'd prefer to get to know someone and know we will at least be able to chat and have a conversation before I meet them in person.
And also I met one guy within a few days of chatting on here when I first joined fab and it was the worst and scariest meet I ever had so that alone has proved to me that I need to chat and get to know someone more before I meet them in person. Now usually red flags show if you chat for a while.
Plus my home life is busy so even on days I'm not working just doing spontaneous meets is almost impossible.
Is it possible that nerves, insecurity or other stuff make a person act terribly and show theit worst side. I always wonder why people behave in certain ways and try to justify and maybe show a bit of empathy?
Well not this guy I'm not going to go into all details but we kissed goodbye after we met for coffee he got really rough with me I had to quite literally fight him off when I did get him to stop and asked him wtf he thought he was doing his answer was you're on fab I presumed you'd be up for it. There is no excuse for that behaviour. It's the only time any guy I met off here has actually scared me and I came very close to leaving over it. "
See it's pricks like that who ruin it all for everyone , no way I would even expect a kiss after coffee let alone anything more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"he got really rough with me I had to quite literally fight him off when I did get him to stop and asked him wtf he thought he was doing his answer was you're on fab I presumed you'd be up for it. There is no excuse for that behaviour. It's the only time any guy I met off here has actually scared me and I came very close to leaving over it. "
This is terrible and has really pissed me off reading it. What an asshole! 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate the “Are you free ? Come fuck me now !” messages at 4am. Fab should enable more selective filters such as on a specific text string or word."
What about 2am?? That work for ya? |
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By *ohnFKMan
over a year ago
Where the Streets Have No Name |
Not here long though I think I'm a big advocate of the coffee meet.
Have had a couple, & have had a great laugh. (It isn't always practical, like if either party has to travel)
But I'd prefer that (to assess possible chemistry/attraction) than weeks of txting/messaging.
But I suppose the Coffee request wouldn't be my first message either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer to have coffee after a few days of texting. Gets annoying if it drags on too long and your running out of things to say...ah no thanks don't need to send me a picture of what your having for dinner every night. It's your sausage I want not your coq au vin recipe  |
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I wouldn’t be one for an immediate coffee meet, although I have felt that after chatting to some people on fab we naturally come to coffee stage meet very quickly.
If it’s constant back and forth, by the end of the first day you can be at the stage where you just want to meet them in person, to see if the chemistry is the same.
With others the chatting can be slow and it could take weeks to get to that stage.
I rarely see anyone local looking for a meet today, even for a coffee |
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I wouldn't walk to my front door to meet someone I hadn't chatted to first, total waste of time for me. I can text while doing other things but I have to take a chunk of time out of my day for a coffee meet, I'm not doing that unless I'm already 80% sure I'm into you and just need to make sure the chemistry translates in person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Finding a profile you like, exchange a few messages, agree to meet for a coffee at a later date, chat in between.
Yay or nay? "
Yay.. Probably take a few days to get a time to suit everyone tho lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Finding a profile you like, exchange a few messages, agree to meet for a coffee at a later date, chat in between.
Yay or nay?
Yay.. Probably take a few days to get a time to suit everyone tho lol "
But that's the point in arranging it first so it doesn't drag out to endless maybe sometimes... |
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"I have to agree with Dizzy and Peach on this. I like to chat on here for a bit before meeting anyone who pushes to meet quick I lose interest in. I'd prefer to get to know someone and know we will at least be able to chat and have a conversation before I meet them in person.
And also I met one guy within a few days of chatting on here when I first joined fab and it was the worst and scariest meet I ever had so that alone has proved to me that I need to chat and get to know someone more before I meet them in person. Now usually red flags show if you chat for a while.
Plus my home life is busy so even on days I'm not working just doing spontaneous meets is almost impossible.
Is it possible that nerves, insecurity or other stuff make a person act terribly and show theit worst side. I always wonder why people behave in certain ways and try to justify and maybe show a bit of empathy?
Well not this guy I'm not going to go into all details but we kissed goodbye after we met for coffee he got really rough with me I had to quite literally fight him off when I did get him to stop and asked him wtf he thought he was doing his answer was you're on fab I presumed you'd be up for it. There is no excuse for that behaviour. It's the only time any guy I met off here has actually scared me and I came very close to leaving over it. "
That's scary AF. Unfortunately the mentality on here with a lot of people is.... You're on Fab, you're up for anything with everyone you meet.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Finding a profile you like, exchange a few messages, agree to meet for a coffee at a later date, chat in between.
Yay or nay? "
Sounds like the ideal scenario! Gives you a chance to get to know each other and expand the chat over coffee. |
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By *ol_ieMan
over a year ago
Dublin west |
Coffee meet after a bit of texting as you only really get to know someone when they are sitting in front of you.
I never play without a coffee or social meet first. Many a coffee meet has not gone further for me as the spark wasn't there between us or for one of us.
A couple of mins face to face is better than hundreds of texts or messages |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Finding a profile you like, exchange a few messages, agree to meet for a coffee at a later date, chat in between.
Yay or nay? "
Yay! When both parties are interested things work on a better balance  |
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"Finding a profile you like, exchange a few messages, agree to meet for a coffee at a later date, chat in between.
Yay or nay?
Yay! When both parties are interested things work on a better balance "
And it's not the end of the world if there's no mutual want to meet again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Finding a profile you like, exchange a few messages, agree to meet for a coffee at a later date, chat in between.
Yay or nay?
Yay! When both parties are interested things work on a better balance
And it's not the end of the world if there's no mutual want to meet again"
Torally, but be clear and say it nicely  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I definitely prefer to text for a bit, mostly to make sure that there's chemistry before I make the effort to meet them. Plus I'm quite shy and awkward on first meets, I actually dread them, so I only go if I'm really interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to agree with Dizzy and Peach on this. I like to chat on here for a bit before meeting anyone who pushes to meet quick I lose interest in. I'd prefer to get to know someone and know we will at least be able to chat and have a conversation before I meet them in person.
And also I met one guy within a few days of chatting on here when I first joined fab and it was the worst and scariest meet I ever had so that alone has proved to me that I need to chat and get to know someone more before I meet them in person. Now usually red flags show if you chat for a while.
Plus my home life is busy so even on days I'm not working just doing spontaneous meets is almost impossible.
Is it possible that nerves, insecurity or other stuff make a person act terribly and show theit worst side. I always wonder why people behave in certain ways and try to justify and maybe show a bit of empathy?
Well not this guy I'm not going to go into all details but we kissed goodbye after we met for coffee he got really rough with me I had to quite literally fight him off when I did get him to stop and asked him wtf he thought he was doing his answer was you're on fab I presumed you'd be up for it. There is no excuse for that behaviour. It's the only time any guy I met off here has actually scared me and I came very close to leaving over it. "
His loss then and better off staying away of that attitude... |
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"I have to agree with Dizzy and Peach on this. I like to chat on here for a bit before meeting anyone who pushes to meet quick I lose interest in. I'd prefer to get to know someone and know we will at least be able to chat and have a conversation before I meet them in person.
And also I met one guy within a few days of chatting on here when I first joined fab and it was the worst and scariest meet I ever had so that alone has proved to me that I need to chat and get to know someone more before I meet them in person. Now usually red flags show if you chat for a while.
Plus my home life is busy so even on days I'm not working just doing spontaneous meets is almost impossible.
Is it possible that nerves, insecurity or other stuff make a person act terribly and show theit worst side. I always wonder why people behave in certain ways and try to justify and maybe show a bit of empathy?
Well not this guy I'm not going to go into all details but we kissed goodbye after we met for coffee he got really rough with me I had to quite literally fight him off when I did get him to stop and asked him wtf he thought he was doing his answer was you're on fab I presumed you'd be up for it. There is no excuse for that behaviour. It's the only time any guy I met off here has actually scared me and I came very close to leaving over it. "
I'm glad you didn't leave |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We both do like to message and get to know someone a small bit but we do like to arrange a coffee sooner rather than later and see if there's a spark there. Unfortunately, it's not always the same once you meet in person. We think it's better to find that out early on rather than talk for ages then realise weeks down the line there was no spark in person and feel you've wasted someone's time |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"We both do like to message and get to know someone a small bit but we do like to arrange a coffee sooner rather than later and see if there's a spark there. Unfortunately, it's not always the same once you meet in person. We think it's better to find that out early on rather than talk for ages then realise weeks down the line there was no spark in person and feel you've wasted someone's time"
I think coffee is coffee whatever the site , Just because we think outside the box , Does not mean we don’t respect everyone and I can never meet at the drop of a hat and I have ten trilbies , But I often put it out there as it’s my free time to people watch, And am not so great at the written word but on the other hand I’ve kissed the Blarney Stone twice lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Magic sometimes happens I guess.
Posted a status up today and a lovely part of a couple happened to be nearby.
Quick Starbucks and a nice chat
Half an hour well spent |
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"Magic sometimes happens I guess.
Posted a status up today and a lovely part of a couple happened to be nearby.
Quick Starbucks and a nice chat
Half an hour well spent "
I'm usually not too far away but outside your age range to message  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Magic sometimes happens I guess.
Posted a status up today and a lovely part of a couple happened to be nearby.
Quick Starbucks and a nice chat
Half an hour well spent
I'm usually not too far away but outside your age range to message "
I'm sure out paths will cross soon too |
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"Magic sometimes happens I guess.
Posted a status up today and a lovely part of a couple happened to be nearby.
Quick Starbucks and a nice chat
Half an hour well spent
I'm usually not too far away but outside your age range to message
I'm sure out paths will cross soon too "
Would be good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Said a person who organized coffee meet and greet  "
Toosh! Although I absolutely destroyed the free refill policy on my tea 
"and those who don't even get a drink "
Too polite those folk, must be engrossed in the conversation  |
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"What about us poor tea drinkers, nobody ever asks for a tea meet  and those who don't even get a drink "
From what I remember, you drink tea/coffee, but I'm old and blond so memory isn't so good lol |
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"Finding a profile you like, exchange a few messages, agree to meet for a coffee at a later date, chat in between.
Yay or nay? "
That's a yay. Love a good social after getting to know someone a little through a couple of chats.
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"What about us poor tea drinkers, nobody ever asks for a tea meet and those who don't even get a drink
From what I remember, you drink tea/coffee, but I'm old and blond so memory isn't so good lol"
lol I drink anything |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"What about us poor tea drinkers, nobody ever asks for a tea meet and those who don't even get a drink
From what I remember, you drink tea/coffee, but I'm old and blond so memory isn't so good lol lol I drink anything "
Yes outside your ages as well, you need one for Spontaneous crossing mates with coffee and the other fun stuff with people your own age lol Hats Optional |
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A few texts but not endless messages...if a person can't turn up for a coffee meet, then turning up for a play meet is unlikely...over coffee you meetvthe person not the keyboard warrior...between chat & body language you can learn alot.
Do they walk the walk or are they all talk.
Im for coffee  |
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"What about us poor tea drinkers, nobody ever asks for a tea meet and those who don't even get a drink
From what I remember, you drink tea/coffee, but I'm old and blond so memory isn't so good lol lol I drink anything "
SNAP!
A girl after my own heart |
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"What about us poor tea drinkers, nobody ever asks for a tea meet and those who don't even get a drink
From what I remember, you drink tea/coffee, but I'm old and blond so memory isn't so good lol lol I drink anything
SNAP!
A girl after my own heart "
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Working in a city centre, coffee meets are great, wether planned or spontaneous.
Iv often put up a status for a coffee meet last minute, im normally having a lunch coffee somewhere anyway. Iv only once been taken up on it. And it was a great laugh
I do think a coffee meet needs to happen asap, before the fun dries up online. Theres a completely different connection once youve met someone in person. |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"So.....anyone for an afternoon coffee?!?
No time like the present!"
Yes there is a different dynamic when you meet over a coffee you can see humour Coming up or not and you Probably talk about everything and not anything sexy as it could be harder than Texting, No pun intended |
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