FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Advice on convincing wife to be shared
Advice on convincing wife to be shared
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"Don’t think you can simply convince a spouse or partner. I think it needs to be a shared fantasy for any combination of swinging or sharing to work. Happy to be wrong if others have different experience." Yeah I get that and agree but how do you even bring it up to begin with.... | |||
"For the couples on here or anybody who is or has been in a relationship and convinced their partner to allow another man join you... It’s something I would love to do with the wife. I have joined couples before but never seen a guy with my missus. It’s just so out there to come out and say to your wife, I’d like another lad to dick you lol. I’ve been with her a long time and never touched this subject in the main - the odd d*unken half reference but nothing concrete - anyone who has been there and done it - any advice on how to approach it with your partner or ideas on it? " Charming  I hope she realises what a gem she has in you | |||
"Don’t think you can simply convince a spouse or partner. I think it needs to be a shared fantasy for any combination of swinging or sharing to work. Happy to be wrong if others have different experience." Completely agree with this | |||
" Yeah I get that and agree but how do you even bring it up to begin with...." Maybe you need to work on your sex life with your own partner and to explain your desires or need to spice things up. No judgement here but you going on one tangent meeting others without her knowledge and her blissfully unaware of your activities may only deepen the gulf. | |||
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"Some great comments here. Our take on this would be to try end help her see what might be in it for her. You might be surprised by her reaction. The key I think is reassurance that this doesn't mean that sex with her alone isn't enough for you, and that this is a compliment to an already great sex life, and not a crutch for a poor one. If you don't have this great sex life already then work on that first. Some people just aren't into the idea, and if that's the case then respect her wishes and don't be a cheater. Make your suggestions and chats on the subject part of foreplay, and help her see the horny side for her. Ask her what her fantasies are, share yours, and see if there is any crossover. " Great advice ^^ | |||
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"Make it pillow whisper. Share your fantasy with her , subtle . The greatest obstacles to overcome are that at first she may react with : am i not good enough for you anymore ? do you want to drop me off ? Or that she suspects that you want her to play with another man so you you can go and play other women. Your fantasy ( and I assume it is that way ) need to imply that her having sexual with another man is for you putting her on a pedestal , your sexual goddess . Needless to say that you also have to treat her like your goddess Good luck " Exactly. This is how I/we approached it and just one more piece of advice having patience, lots of patience. The old adage “Rome wasn’t built in a day” still holds true. | |||
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" Yeah I get that and agree but how do you even bring it up to begin with.... Maybe you need to work on your sex life with your own partner and to explain your desires or need to spice things up. No judgement here but you going on one tangent meeting others without her knowledge and her blissfully unaware of your activities may only deepen the gulf." No judgement - except the judgement. Ffs. | |||
"For the couples on here or anybody who is or has been in a relationship and convinced their partner to allow another man join you... It’s something I would love to do with the wife. I have joined couples before but never seen a guy with my missus. It’s just so out there to come out and say to your wife, I’d like another lad to dick you lol. I’ve been with her a long time and never touched this subject in the main - the odd d*unken half reference but nothing concrete - anyone who has been there and done it - any advice on how to approach it with your partner or ideas on it? " Will she watch pornography, soft porn with you? If she won't even watch porn with you the chances of getting another man or couple in the bedroom is probably unlikely. If she does watch porn there is a show called playboy swing tv and shows swinging fairly accurately. This show got us into making a fantasy a reality. You could save a lot of time and ask her straight out. | |||
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"For the couples on here or anybody who is or has been in a relationship and convinced their partner to allow another man join you... It’s something I would love to do with the wife. I have joined couples before but never seen a guy with my missus. It’s just so out there to come out and say to your wife, I’d like another lad to dick you lol. I’ve been with her a long time and never touched this subject in the main - the odd d*unken half reference but nothing concrete - anyone who has been there and done it - any advice on how to approach it with your partner or ideas on it? " Does she know that you are on here? | |||
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"Jay told me we needed a talk.... Being an anxious person I'd myself all panicked so when he said he wanted to see me enjoy other men's cocks.... Well it was a relief!! Took over a year before we tried it, lot of talking and then some more talking went on lol" well done Jay  | |||
"Thanks for all the great comments guys and apologies - I used the wrong phrase - of course I don’t mean convince in the meaning of Me trying to sell Something to her she doesn’t want and me trying to force it - sorry bad choice of words. I was for looking for advice on ways to approach the subject even and have got plenty of great answers so thanks a lot to those who took time to reply To answer some questions- yes we have a good sex like and yes we communicate and talk about sex but been together so long, I guess to drop In this fantasy, which I haven’t always had, is just a bit out there if she has no such thought about it at all until I say it. However In bed lately we have (after a few wines usually) said some things to each other during that could well be signs this could be something we would both want. But people here are right - it’s about choosing the right time and also about listening to her and her wants/fantasies and although we have a good and active sex life - discussing our fantasies with each other probably isn’t something we do so it’s a good starting point. Thanks all" Honestly. Tell her to read the blogs that Gemma has done.. if shes not interested after them she never will. | |||
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"Tell her to read the blogs that Gemma has done.. if shes not interested after them she never will. "Agreed, they're hot as f**k - Mrs  | |||
"Thanks for all the great comments guys and apologies - I used the wrong phrase - of course I don’t mean convince in the meaning of Me trying to sell Something to her she doesn’t want and me trying to force it - sorry bad choice of words. I was for looking for advice on ways to approach the subject even and have got plenty of great answers so thanks a lot to those who took time to reply To answer some questions- yes we have a good sex like and yes we communicate and talk about sex but been together so long, I guess to drop In this fantasy, which I haven’t always had, is just a bit out there if she has no such thought about it at all until I say it. However In bed lately we have (after a few wines usually) said some things to each other during that could well be signs this could be something we would both want. But people here are right - it’s about choosing the right time and also about listening to her and her wants/fantasies and although we have a good and active sex life - discussing our fantasies with each other probably isn’t something we do so it’s a good starting point. Thanks allHonestly. Tell her to read the blogs that Gemma has done.. if shes not interested after them she never will. "Where do u find them? | |||
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"Thanks for all the great comments guys and apologies - I used the wrong phrase - of course I don’t mean convince in the meaning of Me trying to sell Something to her she doesn’t want and me trying to force it - sorry bad choice of words. I was for looking for advice on ways to approach the subject even and have got plenty of great answers so thanks a lot to those who took time to reply To answer some questions- yes we have a good sex like and yes we communicate and talk about sex but been together so long, I guess to drop In this fantasy, which I haven’t always had, is just a bit out there if she has no such thought about it at all until I say it. However In bed lately we have (after a few wines usually) said some things to each other during that could well be signs this could be something we would both want. But people here are right - it’s about choosing the right time and also about listening to her and her wants/fantasies and although we have a good and active sex life - discussing our fantasies with each other probably isn’t something we do so it’s a good starting point. Thanks allHonestly. Tell her to read the blogs that Gemma has done.. if shes not interested after them she never will.
Where do u find them? "on the envynights site | |||
"Well done OP, don't really know now you did it. Normally at this stage such threads and OP's have been totally shredded. But you have received honest open straight comments and with the exception of one....really helpful. "Totally agree , quite refreshing actually to see the comments going this route for a change. Rather disappointing however for anyone that were possibly Ready for an attack. | |||
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"If it is not a shared fantasy (as someone mentioned above) or she is not a kinky person, you have to approach this from a vey long distance. Small steps and patience. Start with sharing some of your fantasies, but don't start with anything that could be seen outrageous. Communication, small steps, patience and most importantly - do it in a way that doesn't get her scared. In any case, she must have an open mind and be willing to experiment, and you'll get there. Otherwise, your chances are very small." If its not a shared fantasy or she's not a kinky person then leave it the fuck alone.. Coercing someone into doing something they aren't into for your own fulfilment is as low as it gets! If you have any respect for your partner and value your relationship at all then accept that it's going to stay fantasy | |||
"You could try one of them online sex questionnaires. Basically it lists a load of different things and you both fill it out separately. The only options are ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘if the other half wanted to’. When your both finished it won’t show anything that got a “no” and will give you like a bucket list of things you were both ok with. Just hope she doesn’t say no to MMF. That’s how we got started "Wow - where the hell do you find these things? We could find a whole range of new things we both like! | |||
"For the couples on here or anybody who is or has been in a relationship and convinced their partner to allow another man join you... It’s something I would love to do with the wife. I have joined couples before but never seen a guy with my missus. It’s just so out there to come out and say to your wife, I’d like another lad to dick you lol. I’ve been with her a long time and never touched this subject in the main - the odd d*unken half reference but nothing concrete - anyone who has been there and done it - any advice on how to approach it with your partner or ideas on it? " Personally l've never been in your position for to want such a thing to happen BUT l would only think something like this will only happen if the thought had crossed the lady's mind first ... | |||
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"She may have this fantasy, but feels she can't discuss it with you. She also may have fantasies that might shock you. If you're both comfortable watching porn, Google "porn made by women for women". It features fantasies in a style women prefer, including two men.. Or at least a different kind of man than the one she's with. However, your fantasy might be very different when the reality happens. What if your (and her), fantasy man turns up and is smarter, more handsome, wealthier, more virile, charming,and funnier than you? Sometimes, fantasy is best left as that. " Have considered that but then I remembered that I am the smartest, most handsome, wealthiest, most verily, most charming and funniest guy in the whole entire world so it’s not possible - thanks tho | |||
"She may have this fantasy, but feels she can't discuss it with you. She also may have fantasies that might shock you. If you're both comfortable watching porn, Google "porn made by women for women". It features fantasies in a style women prefer, including two men.. Or at least a different kind of man than the one she's with. However, your fantasy might be very different when the reality happens. What if your (and her), fantasy man turns up and is smarter, more handsome, wealthier, more virile, charming,and funnier than you? Sometimes, fantasy is best left as that. Have considered that but then I remembered that I am the smartest, most handsome, wealthiest, most verily, most charming and funniest guy in the whole entire world so it’s not possible - thanks tho" Are ya really tho?? | |||
"She may have this fantasy, but feels she can't discuss it with you. She also may have fantasies that might shock you. If you're both comfortable watching porn, Google "porn made by women for women". It features fantasies in a style women prefer, including two men.. Or at least a different kind of man than the one she's with. However, your fantasy might be very different when the reality happens. What if your (and her), fantasy man turns up and is smarter, more handsome, wealthier, more virile, charming,and funnier than you? Sometimes, fantasy is best left as that. Have considered that but then I remembered that I am the smartest, most handsome, wealthiest, most verily, most charming and funniest guy in the whole entire world so it’s not possible - thanks tho Are ya really tho?? " Definitely not | |||
"She may have this fantasy, but feels she can't discuss it with you. She also may have fantasies that might shock you. If you're both comfortable watching porn, Google "porn made by women for women". It features fantasies in a style women prefer, including two men.. Or at least a different kind of man than the one she's with. However, your fantasy might be very different when the reality happens. What if your (and her), fantasy man turns up and is smarter, more handsome, wealthier, more virile, charming,and funnier than you? Sometimes, fantasy is best left as that. Have considered that but then I remembered that I am the smartest, most handsome, wealthiest, most verily, most charming and funniest guy in the whole entire world so it’s not possible - thanks tho Are ya really tho?? Definitely not" At least you are honest | |||
"She may have this fantasy, but feels she can't discuss it with you. She also may have fantasies that might shock you. If you're both comfortable watching porn, Google "porn made by women for women". It features fantasies in a style women prefer, including two men.. Or at least a different kind of man than the one she's with. However, your fantasy might be very different when the reality happens. What if your (and her), fantasy man turns up and is smarter, more handsome, wealthier, more virile, charming,and funnier than you? Sometimes, fantasy is best left as that. Have considered that but then I remembered that I am the smartest, most handsome, wealthiest, most verily, most charming and funniest guy in the whole entire world so it’s not possible - thanks tho" You see ,the thing here is , l know of a guy in a couple that wanted to try it ,to ' spice up " their sex lives ,the lady wasnt too keen at the start but constant " nagging " by the guy ,she did it , BUT they set no limits or restrictions etc etc on what was acceptable or not , the guy they met fucked her like never before ,she wanted then to have meets with the guy on his own ,not a popular choice with the male part of the couple ,which led to conflict between them ,the lady continued to meet the other guy which in turn led to the couple splitting..so maybe the ol' saying of " be careful for what you wish for " is there for a reason | |||
"She may have this fantasy, but feels she can't discuss it with you. She also may have fantasies that might shock you. If you're both comfortable watching porn, Google "porn made by women for women". It features fantasies in a style women prefer, including two men.. Or at least a different kind of man than the one she's with. However, your fantasy might be very different when the reality happens. What if your (and her), fantasy man turns up and is smarter, more handsome, wealthier, more virile, charming,and funnier than you? Sometimes, fantasy is best left as that. Have considered that but then I remembered that I am the smartest, most handsome, wealthiest, most verily, most charming and funniest guy in the whole entire world so it’s not possible - thanks tho You see ,the thing here is , l know of a guy in a couple that wanted to try it ,to ' spice up " their sex lives ,the lady wasnt too keen at the start but constant " nagging " by the guy ,she did it , BUT they set no limits or restrictions etc etc on what was acceptable or not , the guy they met fucked her like never before ,she wanted then to have meets with the guy on his own ,not a popular choice with the male part of the couple ,which led to conflict between them ,the lady continued to meet the other guy which in turn led to the couple splitting..so maybe the ol' saying of " be careful for what you wish for " is there for a reason " I've heard this quite a few times over the years. The one who needed a little persuasion.. ended up better off than the one with the original fantasy. There are also quite a few seperarions, and quite a few new relationships. | |||
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"She won’t leave me cause some guy fucks her brains out.....our relationship is built on more than just sex. It’s probably more likely if we meet a guy that he promises the world but I’m reality unloads in seconds id say. I imagine it’s hard to find someone who will fuck her brains out " Sure nobody goes into this thinking it will damage their relationship. It sometimes does tho. | |||
"She won’t leave me cause some guy fucks her brains out.....our relationship is built on more than just sex. It’s probably more likely if we meet a guy that he promises the world but I’m reality unloads in seconds id say. I imagine it’s hard to find someone who will fuck her brains out Sure nobody goes into this thinking it will damage their relationship. It sometimes does tho. " Its very very much in the minority, most couples on here are rock solid and nothing can break that. Thats the reason they can do this. I struggle to think of a single married couple who have broken up in 4 years on here. | |||
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"I know of several. I'm one of them" Actually come to think of it... fab played a part in BOTH of our previous relationship breakups, and was also how we met. I guess once a couple open yourselves up for intimacy with others (particularly if they aren't just once offs) then feelings can develop, and it's hard to turn feelings off once they are there. Anyhow I conceded it's a minority, and many relationships flourish on here... but there are a number who experience issues. | |||
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"Just like everything in life so and everything in relationships - some things make it better, some make it worse. But sure you’ll never know if you never try anything which in itself can make it worse" I would contend that there are few activities or hobbies where you were more likely to develop feelings outside your marriage... than choosing someone you fancy and meeting them for sex. | |||
"I know of several. I'm one of them Actually come to think of it... fab played a part in BOTH of our previous relationship breakups, and was also how we met. I guess once a couple open yourselves up for intimacy with others (particularly if they aren't just once offs) then feelings can develop, and it's hard to turn feelings off once they are there. Anyhow I conceded it's a minority, and many relationships flourish on here... but there are a number who experience issues. " Sorry to hear of your breakup but its very much in the minority. We know couples been on the scene almost 20 years. Still happily married and love. That’s incredibly reassuring for us. | |||
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"She won’t leave me cause some guy fucks her brains out.....our relationship is built on more than just sex. It’s probably more likely if we meet a guy that he promises the world but I’m reality unloads in seconds id say. I imagine it’s hard to find someone who will fuck her brains out " No, but she could meet a guy who fulfils other needs better than you. Complacency is very dangerous in any relationship. | |||
"Thanks. I agree it's a minority. Im surprised you haven't heard of it happening though as its not uncommon. I guess a lot of the time the profiles just dissappear. " Just asked Gemma there, can’t honestly think of a single one. I am open to correction. We met one girl at beginning whose marriage had broke up but that was before we knew her and she blamed the lifestyle but they tried to save it by swinging. Not a good idea. What i do know, we have met a lot of couples who dabble once and go to a party and then disappear either its not for them or jealousy sets in. | |||
"She may have this fantasy, but feels she can't discuss it with you. She also may have fantasies that might shock you. If you're both comfortable watching porn, Google "porn made by women for women". It features fantasies in a style women prefer, including two men.. Or at least a different kind of man than the one she's with. However, your fantasy might be very different when the reality happens. What if your (and her), fantasy man turns up and is smarter, more handsome, wealthier, more virile, charming,and funnier than you? Sometimes, fantasy is best left as that. Have considered that but then I remembered that I am the smartest, most handsome, wealthiest, most verily, most charming and funniest guy in the whole entire world so it’s not possible - thanks tho You see ,the thing here is , l know of a guy in a couple that wanted to try it ,to ' spice up " their sex lives ,the lady wasnt too keen at the start but constant " nagging " by the guy ,she did it , BUT they set no limits or restrictions etc etc on what was acceptable or not , the guy they met fucked her like never before ,she wanted then to have meets with the guy on his own ,not a popular choice with the male part of the couple ,which led to conflict between them ,the lady continued to meet the other guy which in turn led to the couple splitting..so maybe the ol' saying of " be careful for what you wish for " is there for a reason " Lots of men I would imagine get their ideas brought very sharply down to earth when they discover that women will in general have far more meet opportunities than men on fab. | |||
"Thanks. I agree it's a minority. Im surprised you haven't heard of it happening though as its not uncommon. I guess a lot of the time the profiles just dissappear. Just asked Gemma there, can’t honestly think of a single one. I am open to correction. We met one girl at beginning whose marriage had broke up but that was before we knew her and she blamed the lifestyle but they tried to save it by swinging. Not a good idea. What i do know, we have met a lot of couples who dabble once and go to a party and then disappear either its not for them or jealousy sets in." I'm sure you're right. I'm sure having sex with strangers pretty much never damages a relationship... even though it damaged both mine, my partners, and quite a few people I know. | |||
"Thanks. I agree it's a minority. Im surprised you haven't heard of it happening though as its not uncommon. I guess a lot of the time the profiles just dissappear. Just asked Gemma there, can’t honestly think of a single one. I am open to correction. We met one girl at beginning whose marriage had broke up but that was before we knew her and she blamed the lifestyle but they tried to save it by swinging. Not a good idea. What i do know, we have met a lot of couples who dabble once and go to a party and then disappear either its not for them or jealousy sets in. I'm sure you're right. I'm sure having sex with strangers pretty much never damages a relationship... even though it damaged both mine, my partners, and quite a few people I know. " if the foundations are solid, i have yet to see any evidence to see any damage caused. | |||
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"For the couples on here or anybody who is or has been in a relationship and convinced their partner to allow another man join you... It’s something I would love to do with the wife. I have joined couples before but never seen a guy with my missus. It’s just so out there to come out and say to your wife, I’d like another lad to dick you lol. I’ve been with her a long time and never touched this subject in the main - the odd d*unken half reference but nothing concrete - anyone who has been there and done it - any advice on how to approach it with your partner or ideas on it? " When you broached the subject and half ref it,was it brought up in conversation the following morning? I ask because if it wasn't then I'd either leave it,or try an bring it in first in play with yourselves,sexy talk in the bedroom or asking her directly has she any fantasy's that she would like to fulfill. I think once you get a answer or reaction you'll know how where to go from..just my tuppence worth. Speak with her don't try an convince. If it's something you have to try convince another partner in doing then it's not been done for right reasons and as a few have said it could cause agro between you. (Dark) | |||
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"Is this still going on? " Well you commented on it so I'd say so  | |||
"Is this still going on? Well you commented on it so I'd say so "Oh most definitely  | |||
"Is this still going on? " These kind of questions/discussions/advise/debate is the whole point of the forums. If you aren't enjoying it them maybe the forums aren't for you. | |||
"Is this still going on? These kind of questions/discussions/advise/debate is the whole point of the forums. If you aren't enjoying it them maybe the forums aren't for you. " | |||
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"No I totally understand that but he has a profile on here and his wife doesn't know, if I was his wife and he said to me about swinging even if I was open minded to try it buy after finding out he had a profile on here unbeknownst to me I'd definitely say no. " Probably, but not necessarily. I know a couple where she found out he was on here, and they ended up swinging as a couple (and her on her own). Just because someone is here cheating doesn't mean it's too late to do the right thing. | |||
"No I totally understand that but he has a profile on here and his wife doesn't know, if I was his wife and he said to me about swinging even if I was open minded to try it buy after finding out he had a profile on here unbeknownst to me I'd definitely say no. Probably, but not necessarily. I know a couple where she found out he was on here, and they ended up swinging as a couple (and her on her own). Just because someone is here cheating doesn't mean it's too late to do the right thing. " Fair point, point taken I was only looking at it from my point of view | |||
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"No I totally understand that but he has a profile on here and his wife doesn't know, if I was his wife and he said to me about swinging even if I was open minded to try it buy after finding out he had a profile on here unbeknownst to me I'd definitely say no. " Firstly here you are putting yourself as a woman, secondly as a woman you know nothing of or never met or encountered and thirdly, aren’t you a little Saint?! Awww what a guy  | |||
