FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > A genuine question for males...
A genuine question for males...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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...
Hello lads! 
An honest genuine inquiry here, I'll frame it through my own humble experience, if you'll bear with me -
I'm 35 years old, a somewhat active type. I'm employed in a stable 9-5 job which on occasion requires some physical labor.
I've been on the swing/bdsm scene since the tender age of 19. I recall attending my first adult party, at 19 years old I was game to fuck anything that moved. The party began at 8pm and by 6am the next morning I was still marauding around the apartment looking for someone to fuck.
Fast forward 16 years later and I have to admit, although the spirit is VERY willing, the flesh is less than co-operative at times.
When I attend parties or events these days, well, quite frankly TinyTim (my penis) is less than co-operative. It may be shyness, nerves or anxiety but for whatever reason he simply does not want to rise to the occasion (most of the time!). At 35 I now consider myself lucky if I'm able to perform 3 times or so in an event that starts at 8pm and finishes at 3am.
My sex drive itself seems to ebb and flow, there are weeks werein I am rampant and my mind overflows with lustful longings, and there are weeks werein I find myself simply uninterested in anything sexual.
On occasion I have used pharmaceutical therapies to "boost" my performance but although they provide the right kind of biological motivation they tend to do nothing for one's libido.
In the interests of full disclosure I'm also taking an SSRI prescribed by my physician for the past year, the only noticeable effect of same is a curious side effect it has on my ability to cum. 
So I guess my question is to other men on the forum in a similar age bracket to my own - how do you rate your "performance" at parties or events? Is in and around three sexual encounters a party a pretty standard number? Or are you all sexual dynamos and I'm lagging sorely behind?!  
(I will note that group sex was rarely my thing, I perform above and beyond my stated number of three when sufficiently stimulated, cuckolding, hotwife sex etc.)
Any and all inputs and insights welcome!  |
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Talk to your Dr. It's a known side effect of SSRI's. There may be alternative medicines that don't have the same side effects. ED meds are treating the side effect so not ideal as they might be avoided. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Talk to your Dr. It's a known side effect of SSRI's. There may be alternative medicines that don't have the same side effects. ED meds are treating the side effect so not ideal as they might be avoided. "
Have done - he's lowered the initial dose. I actually believe they're doing me the world of good so reluctant to taper off or to switch meds at the moment.
Thank you for the advice. |
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If lowering the dose didn't help then sometimes a Dr will proscribe a combination of similar drugs in small doses, or perhaps something different like a beta blocker. Exercise could help avoid the need too. For me this sounds like a sympthom of pharmaceutical origin so the solution is going to be with your Dr trying different things. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If lowering the dose didn't help then sometimes a Dr will proscribe a combination of similar drugs in small doses, or perhaps something different like a beta blocker. Exercise could help avoid the need too. For me this sounds like a sympthom of pharmaceutical origin so the solution is going to be with your Dr trying different things. "
I exercise regularly. And to be honest I think this started before the medication...
BUT that said, in your humble opinion - A (sort of) fit male of 35 years of age should be able to perform sexually in an access of approximately 3 times an evening? |
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Well that's a different thing. If this happened before you took the SSRI then that's not the issue. Probably just age catching up with you.
As for what's normal for a man your age... It's hard to say. There isn't a normal as such. Is it getting you down only being able to perform to a lower level that before?
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Buddy, as others have said, ssri's are not great for the silly fella,and I'd be more worried about getting your head in the right space and accepting that little side effect for the time being.
In your mid 30's your testosterone levels are on the downward slope, so "reaching completion" 3 times in an evening is more than respectable, just relax and enjoy the craic however it wouldn't do any harm to have a hormone panel done, you can get kits online for about £80, or go to the doc. |
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By *ommando4Man
over a year ago
South Co. Dublin |
I’m a good.bit older than you but unfortunately can’t provide any advice as I’ve never suffered from lack of libido...it’s more the contrary for me that’s the problem. I find the more exercise I do the more unbearably high my libido becomes. Having said that 3 times in the one party is a pretty good strike rate so nothing that should concern you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well that's a different thing. If this happened before you took the SSRI then that's not the issue. Probably just age catching up with you.
As for what's normal for a man your age... It's hard to say. There isn't a normal as such. Is it getting you down only being able to perform to a lower level that before?
"
No, not specifically. I've had my wild times as a younger man, as I've said I've been doing this for many a summer.
I think the pharmaceutical part of it can be safely boiled down to me having issues in reaching completion....
My personal held belief is that I'm a little bit jaded - seen it all, done it all excreta... And also, I'm a snobby choosey bastard!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Buddy, as others have said, ssri's are not great for the silly fella,and I'd be more worried about getting your head in the right space and accepting that little side effect for the time being.
In your mid 30's your testosterone levels are on the downward slope, so "reaching completion" 3 times in an evening is more than respectable, just relax and enjoy the craic however it wouldn't do any harm to have a hormone panel done, you can get kits online for about £80, or go to the doc. "
Never heard of a hormone panel! Thanks!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not a lad, but I do chat to many about this. Maybe with age you also want that connection. I know some men cant perform if connection isnt there. Same as myself. It has happened that in the middle of enjoying sex something happens and I just loose the want to do it. Easier for me to continue, but different for a lad.
Maybe a time out would also help |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m a good.bit older than you but unfortunately can’t provide any advice as I’ve never suffered from lack of libido...it’s more the contrary for me that’s the problem. I find the more exercise I do the more unbearably high my libido becomes. Having said that 3 times in the one party is a pretty good strike rate so nothing that should concern you."
Dude I've seen you in action - you put me to shame!  |
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Great if its not getting you down then I'd just accept this as the new normal. I'd still be working with my Dr to try different drug combinations if you're thinking you're seeing this side effect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The jadedness may have something to do with it, perhaps it's time for a life/lifestyle audit?
Creating performance anxiety issues for yourself (why can't I do 3 times a night any more) isn't going to help. Men peak in terms of testosterone production pretty early in life, relaxing and accepting one's limits instead of trying to emulate past glories is the way to go. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The jadedness may have something to do with it, perhaps it's time for a life/lifestyle audit?
Creating performance anxiety issues for yourself (why can't I do 3 times a night any more) isn't going to help. Men peak in terms of testosterone production pretty early in life, relaxing and accepting one's limits instead of trying to emulate past glories is the way to go."
I'm not overly concerned... I'm quite content in who and what I am! Past glories are exactly that - past. I'm just trying to gauge my own performance against that of others! 
Certainly performance anxiety plays a part, it's probably why I veer toward smaller, more intimate events then balls out free for alls!
I actually need to feel some sort of connection as TattooedLady mentioned, I need to feel that the person I'm with is excited by me and vice versa, that I have her full attention. It's why a greedy girl or gangbang scenario isn't ideal for me I guess.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The jadedness may have something to do with it, perhaps it's time for a life/lifestyle audit?
Creating performance anxiety issues for yourself (why can't I do 3 times a night any more) isn't going to help. Men peak in terms of testosterone production pretty early in life, relaxing and accepting one's limits instead of trying to emulate past glories is the way to go.
I'm not overly concerned... I'm quite content in who and what I am! Past glories are exactly that - past. I'm just trying to gauge my own performance against that of others!
Certainly performance anxiety plays a part, it's probably why I veer toward smaller, more intimate events then balls out free for alls!
I actually need to feel some sort of connection as TattooedLady mentioned, I need to feel that the person I'm with is excited by me and vice versa, that I have her full attention. It's why a greedy girl or gangbang scenario isn't ideal for me I guess.... "
Tbh, I can imagine that shit gets old very quickly, meat market. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Tbh, I can imagine that shit gets old very quickly, meat market."
Hey it works for some people, and I've organised gang fucks for an ex of mine... But that had the added spice of it being my girlfriend at the time(her making eye contact with me, thanking me etc.) so there was that personal element to it.
But yeah I don't think I could walk into a club, see someone on all 4's and just get to it... Depersonalisation just kinda ruins it, for me at least.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Tbh, I can imagine that shit gets old very quickly, meat market.
Hey it works for some people, and I've organised gang fucks for an ex of mine... But that had the added spice of it being my girlfriend at the time(her making eye contact with me, thanking me etc.) so there was that personal element to it.
But yeah I don't think I could walk into a club, see someone on all 4's and just get to it... Depersonalisation just kinda ruins it, for me at least. "
And us, but hey, each to their own.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Tbh, I can imagine that shit gets old very quickly, meat market.
Hey it works for some people, and I've organised gang fucks for an ex of mine... But that had the added spice of it being my girlfriend at the time(her making eye contact with me, thanking me etc.) so there was that personal element to it.
But yeah I don't think I could walk into a club, see someone on all 4's and just get to it... Depersonalisation just kinda ruins it, for me at least.
And us, but hey, each to their own.
"
Nowt as queer as folk! |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
I'm no fan of drugs, so I'd get off that stuff by trying alternative methods.
I'd rather have 3 rounds of a healthy performance with a decent duration, than 5 to 6 rounds of rabbit shags. Anyhow I'd say 3 rounds is very much acceptable. And don't compare all the time, everyone's different.;-)
If party/group sex isn't your thing why go to parties/clubs and even organise parties? Why don't you create more situations for yourself that really excite and stimulate you? Are you afraid on losing your party lion status if you step back a bit? As Casey said maybe it's time for a life(style) check/change.
Last but not least try to brag less. With 35 you're old enough to start easing of the competition performing and mature to more confidence and inner calm. So there will be less pressure on yourself and you might be even a bit happier. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm no fan of drugs, so I'd get off that stuff by trying alternative methods.
I'd rather have 3 rounds of a healthy performance with a decent duration, than 5 to 6 rounds of rabbit shags. Anyhow I'd say 3 rounds is very much acceptable. And don't compare all the time, everyone's different.;-)
If party/group sex isn't your thing why go to parties/clubs and even organise parties? Why don't you create more situations for yourself that really excite and stimulate you? Are you afraid on losing your party lion status if you step back a bit? As Casey said maybe it's time for a life(style) check/change.
Last but not least try to brag less. With 35 you're old enough to start easing of the competition performing and mature to more confidence and inner calm. So there will be less pressure on yourself and you might be even a bit happier."
I would be a strong advocate of diagnosis and treatment so the meds don't actually bother me, and a lot of people have said they can see a really tangible positive change in myself since I began taking them so I wouldn't be ao quick to dismiss them based on a perceived sexual performance issue on my behalf.
With regard to the organisation and running of events/parties - I don't actually tend to play at my own events (I've explained this before but I adopted this policy as I feel the power dynamic is kinda skewered if it's "my" event and also to dodge accusations of running events simply to get laid! In all candour I have faltered once or twife when I received an offer I felt I simply couldn't refuse!! ) but I do enjoy the social aspect, organisation, planning and running the event itself. Most of my guests at this stage are repeat customers who I'd now consider friends, and I enjoy giving them a night to enjoy themselves!
Do I brag?!  |
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Does it really matter if ya go once twice or seven Times at a party or a one on one meet. As long as ya have the craic and a drink and maybe an aul fumble lol Sure that's a mighty night's craic in my book even if percy goes off on one lol |
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By *orguyMan
over a year ago
Tuam |
"Does it really matter if ya go once twice or seven Times at a party or a one on one meet. As long as ya have the craic and a drink and maybe an aul fumble lol Sure that's a mighty night's craic in my book even if percy goes off on one lol "
So you're saying ignore the scoreboard?? |
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"I'm no fan of drugs, so I'd get off that stuff by trying alternative methods.
I'd rather have 3 rounds of a healthy performance with a decent duration, than 5 to 6 rounds of rabbit shags. Anyhow I'd say 3 rounds is very much acceptable. And don't compare all the time, everyone's different.;-)
If party/group sex isn't your thing why go to parties/clubs and even organise parties? Why don't you create more situations for yourself that really excite and stimulate you? Are you afraid on losing your party lion status if you step back a bit? As Casey said maybe it's time for a life(style) check/change.
Last but not least try to brag less. With 35 you're old enough to start easing of the competition performing and mature to more confidence and inner calm. So there will be less pressure on yourself and you might be even a bit happier."
Advising someone to stop taking medically prescribed medication with no understanding of their condition or state of mind isn't a good idea |
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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago
on the hill NordWest of |
"Advising someone to stop taking medically prescribed medication with no understanding of their condition or state of mind isn't a good idea
"
I don't think I 'advised' to stop the drugs full stop, I only said what I would do. It's obvious that changes should be accompanied by medical advise.
I've shared a flat with a doctor who suffered from depression and I learned through him that there's different ways to deal with it but just symptom treatment by drugs. Yes every case is different and I'm sure batbull does what he likes anyway and isn't much bothered by auntie DH's opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Advising someone to stop taking medically prescribed medication with no understanding of their condition or state of mind isn't a good idea
I don't think I 'advised' to stop the drugs full stop, I only said what I would do. It's obvious that changes should be accompanied by medical advise.
I've shared a flat with a doctor who suffered from depression and I learned through him that there's different ways to deal with it but just symptom treatment by drugs. Yes every case is different and I'm sure batbull does what he likes anyway and isn't much bothered by auntie DH's opinion. "
Any and all opinions are welcome and encouraged DH! |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
One of your lines was...you've seen and done everything ...you're jaded
Maybe thats a big part of it ...science says that we get desensitised to something we see a lot of and sex is very visual apart from the connection you need to make.you were also doing something in the most virile part of your life that will never be beaten
If you don't mind me saying....3 times in one night as long as everyone is happy works fine as far as I can see |
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"...
Hello lads!
An honest genuine inquiry here, I'll frame it through my own humble experience, if you'll bear with me -
I'm 35 years old, a somewhat active type. I'm employed in a stable 9-5 job which on occasion requires some physical labor.
I've been on the swing/bdsm scene since the tender age of 19. I recall attending my first adult party, at 19 years old I was game to fuck anything that moved. The party began at 8pm and by 6am the next morning I was still marauding around the apartment looking for someone to fuck.
Fast forward 16 years later and I have to admit, although the spirit is VERY willing, the flesh is less than co-operative at times.
When I attend parties or events these days, well, quite frankly TinyTim (my penis) is less than co-operative. It may be shyness, nerves or anxiety but for whatever reason he simply does not want to rise to the occasion (most of the time!). At 35 I now consider myself lucky if I'm able to perform 3 times or so in an event that starts at 8pm and finishes at 3am.
My sex drive itself seems to ebb and flow, there are weeks werein I am rampant and my mind overflows with lustful longings, and there are weeks werein I find myself simply uninterested in anything sexual.
On occasion I have used pharmaceutical therapies to "boost" my performance but although they provide the right kind of biological motivation they tend to do nothing for one's libido.
In the interests of full disclosure I'm also taking an SSRI prescribed by my physician for the past year, the only noticeable effect of same is a curious side effect it has on my ability to cum.
So I guess my question is to other men on the forum in a similar age bracket to my own - how do you rate your "performance" at parties or events? Is in and around three sexual encounters a party a pretty standard number? Or are you all sexual dynamos and I'm lagging sorely behind?!
(I will note that group sex was rarely my thing, I perform above and beyond my stated number of three when sufficiently stimulated, cuckolding, hotwife sex etc.)
Any and all inputs and insights welcome! "
As a fifty three year old man I don’t “rate” my performance.
I find the thought of a 35 year old man doing so - and having the need for peer affirmation of said performance - profoundly sad.
Coupled with the humble brag of “Down to three Times a session” I’d agree with other posters and suggest a time-out.
Maybe speak with someone and delve into why it’s that important to you.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First of , fair play for being upfront especially in a public forum!
I very rarely have issues myself. But I'm human and it happens to everyone. Now, I haven't been to many parties, so I can't full attest to that. But the few I had been to it takes me a while to settle.
When it comes to meeting couples for cuckolding fun or what not I've no issues whatsoever.
But this can easily change, as I get older and my testosterone levels drop. But we'll manage.
Only human and happens to everyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suspect at 19 you were young, dumb and full of cum and dying to dish it out. As you got older you became more self-aware and possibly slightly inhibited. You also realized getting laid all the time was quite boring and not that exciting after having so much! Performance anxiety is possible too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
As a fifty three year old man I don’t “rate” my performance.
I find the thought of a 35 year old man doing so - and having the need for peer affirmation of said performance - profoundly sad.
Coupled with the humble brag of “Down to three Times a session” I’d agree with other posters and suggest a time-out.
Maybe speak with someone and delve into why it’s that important to you.
Good luck "
At 53 years old then I'm afraid you're a more secure man than I... And we ALL seek peer affirmation in one sense or another friend, we're social animals and comparison is how we gauge our place in the troop hierarchy.
But hey, if thinking about me makes you profoundly sad I can recommend a damn fine SSRI!
(side effects include diminished libido, difficulty achieving orgasm and a tendency to over share on Internet sex forums!)
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I suspect at 19 you were young, dumb and full of cum and dying to dish it out. As you got older you became more self-aware and possibly slightly inhibited. You also realized getting laid all the time was quite boring and not that exciting after having so much! Performance anxiety is possible too. "
I was indeed young and fulla cum, dunno about dumb, I was always a snobby know it all....
And I think it's the opposite, as I've gotten older I think I've become. Less inhibited...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It reminds me of when I was in my twenties, the horn was ripe.
I could cum many times in a session, but I think that was what it was, I loved to cum. With age that slowed down.
I can still go 3 rounds of a night, but also I can go for an hour without cumming, I've learned to control things. Now it's more sensual, and I can hold off until the other person has cum and then at will I can explode.
Even now, bj s don't do much for me, intercourse is good when trying out various positions, but if I get pulled off the right way, the power of ejacalation is so great that I've often cum in my own eye.
To wrap things up,
Don't beat yourself up over it, you might be expecting too much of your self, relax and you'll find a few who will really do it for you.
I'm sure there's plenty of miles in the tank yet, just take your foot off the gas and take a good look around for yourself.
That's just my pinch of salt. |
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There are a couple of herbal remedies that I found had a really positive effect on my libido when I was on an SSRI and also somewhat jaded by the scene (I also started early but as opposed to a lot of men, my sex drive has since sky rocketed with age) . They weren’t the female version of viagra but Damiana really helped after I had the kids. I’ll see if I can remember the others but Damiana specifically was effective. |
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By *aid backMan
over a year ago
by a lake with my rod out |
It's the ssri. They can/do inhibit libido etc and can cause a general feeling of "meh". But obviously you've been prescribed them for a reason (no one's business). So hopefully things will improve and you'll no longer have to take the ssri. It's just a side effect of them , one that's not the best to our lifestyle but you have to weigh up what's more important long term mental health for a short term side effect or not having the side effect and also not treating the mental health. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's the ssri. They can/do inhibit libido etc and can cause a general feeling of "meh". But obviously you've been prescribed them for a reason (no one's business). So hopefully things will improve and you'll no longer have to take the ssri. It's just a side effect of them , one that's not the best to our lifestyle but you have to weigh up what's more important long term mental health for a short term side effect or not having the side effect and also not treating the mental health."
Thanks for the considered input.
I've an appointment with the Doc come months end... Might have a wee talk then |
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3times is preeeety good especially when ya leave the ladies fully satisfied
Dont put soo much pressure on yourself... also maybe a full break,from the whole scene might do the grey cells some good too,and the body too...
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I don’t know what you do else in your spare time but if you weight train with high intensity a if not already start eating healthy fats lean meets etc it may well help it’s worth a try if not doing either at the moment |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"3times is preeeety good especially when ya leave the ladies fully satisfied
Dont put soo much pressure on yourself... also maybe a full break,from the whole scene might do the grey cells some good too,and the body too...
"
How often did we go when I was depressed?! |
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"3times is preeeety good especially when ya leave the ladies fully satisfied
Dont put soo much pressure on yourself... also maybe a full break,from the whole scene might do the grey cells some good too,and the body too...
How often did we go when I was depressed?! "
Made me blush there |
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