FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Polyamory in Ireland
Polyamory in Ireland
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We’ve been talking about polyamory - basically looking for a guy to go beyond being a regular for Mrs DE but gets our full-time BDSM relationship - and joined ‘another site’ to find like-minded kinksters
Are there many Fabbers who consider themselves Polyamorous? |
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In answer to your question while we do enjoy taking things further and meeting others for one on one fun, this is only just for fun. We would not consider ourselves in a 'polyamorous relationship' with the other person.
EireCpl |
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"I have yet to see a single example of it being successful in the long term. Have heard plenty of horror stories though. "
We actively searched the country for examples of success. They are VERY VERY rare in anything other than the short term. |
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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago
South Dublin Area |
"I have yet to see a single example of it being successful in the long term. Have heard plenty of horror stories though.
We actively searched the country for examples of success. They are VERY VERY rare in anything other than the short term. "
That would be my understanding. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve known several poly people who’ve had success short and long term. It requires a lot of commitment and communication. The best advice I can give is to read The Ethical Slut. It’s a great intro book to the world of ethical non-monogamy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in a poly marriage successfully for 8 years with him and another lady but he then went off and brought in another lady and she didn’t want poly so he choose to go off with her . It takes a lot of trust and understanding from all involved and constant work . It was fun while it lasted . |
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"That's awful I'm sorry. It's all fun and games until it isn't."
Every part of life is fun and games until it changes, Life is full of better greater characters greater chances choices Failure is only success turned inside out , So go for gold it could be the future  |
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By *erYnnMan
over a year ago
Drogheda |
"We’ve been talking about polyamory - basically looking for a guy to go beyond being a regular for Mrs DE but gets our full-time BDSM relationship - and joined ‘another site’ to find like-minded kinksters
Are there many Fabbers who consider themselves Polyamorous?"
I might be persuaded...  |
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Im reading The Sex Life of Catherine M, a famous French libertine. She lives in Paris and is a theatre producer, critic, author. She has lived a swinging, polyamourous life,.. Men and women seem to look on this differently, and i understand the reasons. Sex at Dawn dives deep into it. Why limit your love to just one partner? We are capable of loving many. I was in a successful poly relationship, 5 of us, it finished when we all moved away. Ive a friend in UK who has been in a happy poly relationship for 20 years, and I know of others, too. |
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"Im reading The Sex Life of Catherine M, a famous French libertine. She lives in Paris and is a theatre producer, critic, author. She has lived a swinging, polyamourous life,.. Men and women seem to look on this differently, and i understand the reasons. Sex at Dawn dives deep into it. Why limit your love to just one partner? We are capable of loving many. I was in a successful poly relationship, 5 of us, it finished when we all moved away. Ive a friend in UK who has been in a happy poly relationship for 20 years, and I know of others, too. "
I would agree that many people don't want to limit their love to just 1 partner... the problem is when 1 of those you love decide they want to be exclusive and then people are forced to choose or lose. |
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"I hope you find what youre looking for OP
It sounds like one of those things that would be fun, but being public with it could be a challenge due to fear of judgement "
Now imagine that going forward where you're the one who is secret, but in reality is in a long term loving relationship that's hidden. Can never be married. While all the while watching the happy couple enjoying a normal life. Sounds shit right? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a poly marriage successfully for 8 years with him and another lady but he then went off and brought in another lady and she didn’t want poly so he choose to go off with her . It takes a lot of trust and understanding from all involved and constant work . It was fun while it lasted . "
But surely your initial poly relationship played a part in the subsequent break up?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im reading The Sex Life of Catherine M, a famous French libertine. She lives in Paris and is a theatre producer, critic, author. She has lived a swinging, polyamourous life,.. Men and women seem to look on this differently, and i understand the reasons. Sex at Dawn dives deep into it. Why limit your love to just one partner? We are capable of loving many. I was in a successful poly relationship, 5 of us, it finished when we all moved away. Ive a friend in UK who has been in a happy poly relationship for 20 years, and I know of others, too.
I would agree that many people don't want to limit their love to just 1 partner... the problem is when 1 of those you love decide they want to be exclusive and then people are forced to choose or lose. "
It can only work when all parties have the same goals, how long can that realistically be expected to last? In the case of a third joining a couple, not many egos will tolerate permanent second fiddle. Human nature |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a poly marriage successfully for 8 years with him and another lady but he then went off and brought in another lady and she didn’t want poly so he choose to go off with her . It takes a lot of trust and understanding from all involved and constant work . It was fun while it lasted . But surely your initial poly relationship played a part in the subsequent break up? "
No she stayed with me after he had gone . She played no part in the break up . |
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"Im reading The Sex Life of Catherine M, a famous French libertine. She lives in Paris and is a theatre producer, critic, author. She has lived a swinging, polyamourous life,.. Men and women seem to look on this differently, and i understand the reasons. Sex at Dawn dives deep into it. Why limit your love to just one partner? We are capable of loving many. I was in a successful poly relationship, 5 of us, it finished when we all moved away. Ive a friend in UK who has been in a happy poly relationship for 20 years, and I know of others, too.
I would agree that many people don't want to limit their love to just 1 partner... the problem is when 1 of those you love decide they want to be exclusive and then people are forced to choose or lose.
It can only work when all parties have the same goals, how long can that realistically be expected to last? In the case of a third joining a couple, not many egos will tolerate permanent second fiddle. Human nature"
Neither should anyone HAVE to be second fiddle. Everyone deserves to have their relationship acknowledged and celebrated. Hiding the love of your life is destructive in the extreme. |
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"I was in a poly marriage successfully for 8 years with him and another lady but he then went off and brought in another lady and she didn’t want poly so he choose to go off with her . It takes a lot of trust and understanding from all involved and constant work . It was fun while it lasted . But surely your initial poly relationship played a part in the subsequent break up?
No she stayed with me after he had gone . She played no part in the break up . "
That sounds awful for you both living together while both dealing with the loss of the breakup. Did you agree to him bringing this extra woman in or is this something he did on his own? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a poly marriage successfully for 8 years with him and another lady but he then went off and brought in another lady and she didn’t want poly so he choose to go off with her . It takes a lot of trust and understanding from all involved and constant work . It was fun while it lasted . But surely your initial poly relationship played a part in the subsequent break up?
No she stayed with me after he had gone . She played no part in the break up .
That sounds awful for you both living together while both dealing with the loss of the breakup. Did you agree to him bringing this extra woman in or is this something he did on his own? "
He done it against our wishes so it was always gonna end badly . |
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I guess from his point of view he loved 3 women, and 1 of them wanted to be exclusive, so he had to choose. That's exactly the scenario I described earlier in the thread. You can control what you do, but once someone decides they want exclusive, then you are forced to make heartbreaking decisions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im reading The Sex Life of Catherine M, a famous French libertine. She lives in Paris and is a theatre producer, critic, author. She has lived a swinging, polyamourous life,.. Men and women seem to look on this differently, and i understand the reasons. Sex at Dawn dives deep into it. Why limit your love to just one partner? We are capable of loving many. I was in a successful poly relationship, 5 of us, it finished when we all moved away. Ive a friend in UK who has been in a happy poly relationship for 20 years, and I know of others, too.
I would agree that many people don't want to limit their love to just 1 partner... the problem is when 1 of those you love decide they want to be exclusive and then people are forced to choose or lose.
It can only work when all parties have the same goals, how long can that realistically be expected to last? In the case of a third joining a couple, not many egos will tolerate permanent second fiddle. Human nature
Neither should anyone HAVE to be second fiddle. Everyone deserves to have their relationship acknowledged and celebrated. Hiding the love of your life is destructive in the extreme. "
I'm just of the opinion that you cannot prioritise more than one person at a time, too many conflicting interests. |
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I guess its a very hard thing to be involved in. Most relationships work hard at making a relationship work spending quality time together when other commitments are on board too adding another relationships to the mix surly someone gets the shorter straw which can lead to trouble... I know myself one relationship would be enough without bringing in someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess from his point of view he loved 3 women, and 1 of them wanted to be exclusive, so he had to choose. That's exactly the scenario I described earlier in the thread. You can control what you do, but once someone decides they want exclusive, then you are forced to make heartbreaking decisions. "
Yes I agree completely he made his decisions based on what he wanted |
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I guess my point is that in a regular relationship, your future isn't defined in the whims of a 3rd party who decides they want to be exclusive... so poly is inherently risky and that risk is almost completely out of your control. |
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By *etergemmaCouple
over a year ago
South Dublin Area |
I cant for the life of me understand the interest in it. Its just too risky but it seems to be becoming more common.
I hope that i am wrong, for the sake of those involved. Perhaps it can work if its more than 3 people |
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"I cant for the life of me understand the interest in it. Its just too risky but it seems to be becoming more common.
I hope that i am wrong, for the sake of those involved. Perhaps it can work if its more than 3 people"
Guys imagine it's like a MFF every night lol |
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We’ve experienced a short period of success with the poly lifestyle where a third person was involved in our relationship. All ended well (we’re still great friends with them) but took a lot of commitment and even more communication. Would we do it again? Probably. We are now living (or would be with a global pandemic) an open minded relationship that includes but not limited to poly, swinging, bdsm, etc. For us, it is about being open to experience and to people. Will we do it forever...who knows lol
Good luck with your experiences
Scarlett & Bruce |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We’ve experienced a short period of success with the poly lifestyle where a third person was involved in our relationship. All ended well (we’re still great friends with them) but took a lot of commitment and even more communication. Would we do it again? Probably. We are now living (or would be with a global pandemic) an open minded relationship that includes but not limited to poly, swinging, bdsm, etc. For us, it is about being open to experience and to people. Will we do it forever...who knows lol
Good luck with your experiences
Scarlett & Bruce "
Thank you - our experience as a 24/7 BDSM couple has given us a lot of practise in very deep communication. |
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Perhaps the sucess of my poly experience was down to the people involved. One woman, 4 men. She called the shots, and arranged the diary. All of the men were "second fiddle" at some stage, but we didnt look on that as a bad thing, as we had free time to do other things. None of the men were dating another woman, and it was never more than MF when it came to sex. No gangbangs!. My friends who have been poly for years, also practise only two in the bed, and have never had a MFM. |
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"We’ve been talking about polyamory - basically looking for a guy to go beyond being a regular for Mrs DE but gets our full-time BDSM relationship - and joined ‘another site’ to find like-minded kinksters
Are there many Fabbers who consider themselves Polyamorous?"
I don't think someone going beyond a regular is necessarily polyamory, as it's still someone just joining you as a couple.
We have been seeing a couple regularly for 6 years. Are there feelings at this stage, of course there are. They are our best friends in the world, we have been on holidays together and they have really been there for us when we needed help, it's been an amazing addition to our lives.
However I think there's a subtle but important distinction between multiple people that might be incredibly close and the kind of scenarios described in previous posts where one person has multiple partners that are all meant to be equal. In those situations, it's hard for me to imagine that someone won't at times feel hurt or left out, and that over time this would cause a build up of resentment.
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"We’ve been talking about polyamory - basically looking for a guy to go beyond being a regular for Mrs DE but gets our full-time BDSM relationship - and joined ‘another site’ to find like-minded kinksters
Are there many Fabbers who consider themselves Polyamorous?
I don't think someone going beyond a regular is necessarily polyamory, as it's still someone just joining you as a couple.
We have been seeing a couple regularly for 6 years. Are there feelings at this stage, of course there are. They are our best friends in the world, we have been on holidays together and they have really been there for us when we needed help, it's been an amazing addition to our lives.
However I think there's a subtle but important distinction between multiple people that might be incredibly close and the kind of scenarios described in previous posts where one person has multiple partners that are all meant to be equal. In those situations, it's hard for me to imagine that someone won't at times feel hurt or left out, and that over time this would cause a build up of resentment.
"
I haven't experienced a couple-couple relationship like that but I can totally see how this might work better. Noone would be in any doubt who their primary partner is, and everyone gets to have a "normal" relationship. It's the unevenness of a 1to2 (or even 1to4 relationship as above) that makes resentment, and the disaster caused by someone wanting to be exclusive. |
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"We’ve been talking about polyamory - basically looking for a guy to go beyond being a regular for Mrs DE but gets our full-time BDSM relationship - and joined ‘another site’ to find like-minded kinksters
Are there many Fabbers who consider themselves Polyamorous?
I don't think someone going beyond a regular is necessarily polyamory, as it's still someone just joining you as a couple.
We have been seeing a couple regularly for 6 years. Are there feelings at this stage, of course there are. They are our best friends in the world, we have been on holidays together and they have really been there for us when we needed help, it's been an amazing addition to our lives.
However I think there's a subtle but important distinction between multiple people that might be incredibly close and the kind of scenarios described in previous posts where one person has multiple partners that are all meant to be equal. In those situations, it's hard for me to imagine that someone won't at times feel hurt or left out, and that over time this would cause a build up of resentment.
"
I guess different people define it in different ways... but "poly" (Greek) to mean "many" and "amory" (Latin) to mean "LOVE"
It's more than good friend. Its being in love. |
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"We’ve been talking about polyamory - basically looking for a guy to go beyond being a regular for Mrs DE but gets our full-time BDSM relationship - and joined ‘another site’ to find like-minded kinksters
Are there many Fabbers who consider themselves Polyamorous?"
PM sent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been married for 16 years, open for about 12 and poly for about 7-8
To begin with it started with a FWB thing morphing into a relationship. When it ended it was due to the second partner moving on to a new partner that was uncomfortable with the poly situation. There was no recriminations and we're still friends (in fact she recently left that partner and we've reconnected genitals again occasionally)
The current relationship has lasted 6 years and all 3 of us still act like love sick schoolgirls on occasion
It's not easy but it's also very easy. Lots of communication is essential and every partner needs to value time to themselves as much as time with any of the others. If you don't like your own company, it's never gonna work |
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It works if you are the kind of person who wants to be in a relationship but also values alone time /space. Obviously it all depends on the person / people but mostly a married couple will always be the main relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We've been married for 16 years, open for about 12 and poly for about 7-8
To begin with it started with a FWB thing morphing into a relationship. When it ended it was due to the second partner moving on to a new partner that was uncomfortable with the poly situation. There was no recriminations and we're still friends (in fact she recently left that partner and we've reconnected genitals again occasionally)
The current relationship has lasted 6 years and all 3 of us still act like love sick schoolgirls on occasion
It's not easy but it's also very easy. Lots of communication is essential and every partner needs to value time to themselves as much as time with any of the others. If you don't like your own company, it's never gonna work"
Great insights - thank you! |
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"We've been married for 16 years, open for about 12 and poly for about 7-8
To begin with it started with a FWB thing morphing into a relationship. When it ended it was due to the second partner moving on to a new partner that was uncomfortable with the poly situation. There was no recriminations and we're still friends (in fact she recently left that partner and we've reconnected genitals again occasionally)
The current relationship has lasted 6 years and all 3 of us still act like love sick schoolgirls on occasion
It's not easy but it's also very easy. Lots of communication is essential and every partner needs to value time to themselves as much as time with any of the others. If you don't like your own company, it's never gonna work"
You def have one of the most interesting pics on fab. Your library, your g/f's ass, and a gaming table.. All in one. |
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