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By *murphMan
over a year ago
drogheda |
"We are an island full of jokers but there's too many clowns! 
Ah don't slag our government!"
St Patrick banished the snakes from Ireland he missed a nest under Leinster house the rose up and are fooling us all |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
Here's a joke to lighten the mood
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
Long
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's a joke to lighten the mood
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
Long
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'"
Lol |
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"Here's a joke to lighten the mood
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
Long
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'"
Bm im robbing this although its hard to tell what way theyll take it when i tell it lol |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"Here's a joke to lighten the mood
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
Long
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'
Bm im robbing this although its hard to tell what way theyll take it when i tell it lol"
A waterford German accent
 |
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"Here's a joke to lighten the mood
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
Long
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'
Bm im robbing this although its hard to tell what way theyll take it when i tell it lol
A waterford German accent
"
Not my accent im worried about lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
What joke won it for you Kaizer?? "
It was 21 years ago too much water has passed under the bridge |
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"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
What joke won it for you Kaizer??
It was 21 years ago too much water has passed under the bridge "
Even more in 31 years  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
What joke won it for you Kaizer??
It was 21 years ago too much water has passed under the bridge
Even more in 31 years "
There ya go!
Time is not Kaizer's friend  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"On a side not I fooking hate the word Banter.
What about flanter?
Makes me cringe more than that guys I saw try to do stand up at Mosney once"
Chubby Brown? |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Here's a joke to lighten the mood
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
Long
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'"
|
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze  "
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
|
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"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
"
 |
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"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
"
Fozzie Thunderkiss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
"
Not you anyway! |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
Fozzie Thunderkiss "
He's as hairy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
"
You do not know what you are talking about Boomont  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
Fozzie Thunderkiss
He's as hairy "
Ah here!
3 gobshites looking for cheap pops
(insert 3 x one finger emojis)
|
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
Fozzie Thunderkiss
He's as hairy
Ah here!
3 gobshites looking for cheap pops
(insert 3 x one finger emojis)
"
Well now that's not very nice is it. Don't make me come over there and wax you Kaizer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
Fozzie Thunderkiss
He's as hairy
Ah here!
3 gobshites looking for cheap pops
(insert 3 x one finger emojis)
Well now that's not very nice is it. Don't make me come over there and wax you Kaizer "
There's more chance of Jesus Christ of Nazareth sticking his mickey in your mouth than you or anyone else for that matter coming near the Manbeast with wax or the like!  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
Fozzie Thunderkiss
He's as hairy
Ah here!
3 gobshites looking for cheap pops
(insert 3 x one finger emojis)
Well now that's not very nice is it. Don't make me come over there and wax you Kaizer
There's more chance of Jesus Christ of Nazareth sticking his mickey in your mouth than you or anyone else for that matter coming near the Manbeast with wax or the like! "
Fine. you're more like Oscar the grouch tonight.
I'll use tweezers instead so  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
Fozzie Thunderkiss
He's as hairy
Ah here!
3 gobshites looking for cheap pops
(insert 3 x one finger emojis)
Well now that's not very nice is it. Don't make me come over there and wax you Kaizer
There's more chance of Jesus Christ of Nazareth sticking his mickey in your mouth than you or anyone else for that matter coming near the Manbeast with wax or the like!
Fine. you're more like Oscar the grouch tonight.
I'll use tweezers instead so "
You must be banking on pleasuring JC |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
Fozzie Thunderkiss
He's as hairy
Ah here!
3 gobshites looking for cheap pops
(insert 3 x one finger emojis)
Well now that's not very nice is it. Don't make me come over there and wax you Kaizer
There's more chance of Jesus Christ of Nazareth sticking his mickey in your mouth than you or anyone else for that matter coming near the Manbeast with wax or the like!
Fine. you're more like Oscar the grouch tonight.
I'll use tweezers instead so
You must be banking on pleasuring JC "
smart ass. Do you need a hug |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In 1989 Kaizer won gold at the community games for Stand up comedy
#truestory
I’d hate to see who won silver and bronze
Statler and Waldorf from the muppets I heard it was a very close call tho
Fozzie Thunderkiss
He's as hairy
Ah here!
3 gobshites looking for cheap pops
(insert 3 x one finger emojis)
Well now that's not very nice is it. Don't make me come over there and wax you Kaizer
There's more chance of Jesus Christ of Nazareth sticking his mickey in your mouth than you or anyone else for that matter coming near the Manbeast with wax or the like!
Fine. you're more like Oscar the grouch tonight.
I'll use tweezers instead so
You must be banking on pleasuring JC
smart ass. Do you need a hug "
Kaizer always needs hugs  |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit...
Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Stuart: - No way - he's a geologist.
Dave: - He ain't no geologist! A geologist wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder...
Dave: - Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken ! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession !
Dave: - Oh ! What's that then ?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example .Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: - Er . mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Dave: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house...built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Dave: - Yep! Four nights a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Dave: - Me? Never
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Dave: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!
Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.
Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
Stuart: - What's that then?
Dave:- I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Stuart: - Nope
Dave: - Well then, you're a wanker |
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There's more chance of Jesus Christ of Nazareth sticking his mickey in your mouth than you or anyone else for that matter coming near the Manbeast with wax or the like!
"Take this all of you and eat it"
It takes 3 days for him to rise again, and then you're waiting an age for the second cumming.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There's more chance of Jesus Christ of Nazareth sticking his mickey in your mouth than you or anyone else for that matter coming near the Manbeast with wax or the like!
"Take this all of you and eat it"
It takes 3 days for him to rise again, and then you're waiting an age for the second cumming.
"
Shiver me timbers  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just after spending the last 3yrs in England and you just can't beat the Irish craic. I found the English "banter" full of awkwardness and generally shit haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just after spending the last 3yrs in England and you just can't beat the Irish craic. I found the English "banter" full of awkwardness and generally shit haha "
The island welcomes you back
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's a joke to lighten the mood
A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
Long
'I vish to buy sex wit you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique'"
Bah ha ha hah!
Love it, this will be used again.
 |
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Sarcasm, banter, greetings & compliments such as...
"Tell him he's only a bollox"
"Sure, she could do worse"
"Don't be standing there like an ejit, come in"
"Alright Muppet!"
...yes, as an nation we're an affable bunch  |
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