My partner I'm with would be considered vanilla. About 3 sex positions and not great at oral. She's happy and there is no problem with that, but I have expressed I want more spark, excitement and a bit more of a trill as the sex life doesn't do it for me.
She's open to directions but I'm not the best at giving instructions (kills it for me) and a poor communicator when it comes to this. It's make or break by the looks of it. Has anyone experienced this. Any advice would be welcome. |
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Learn to give instructions in a sexier way and be a better communicator. Bad communication means bad sex. If you're not speaking up you can hardly complain that she's not doing anything different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Learn to give instructions in a sexier way and be a better communicator. Bad communication means bad sex. If you're not speaking up you can hardly complain that she's not doing anything different. "
Precisely  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Im not pointing the finger at her. My communication is really poor in this situation telling her what to do and so on.. "
Well communication is the only way to help if its becoming such an issue. Tell her what you like ask her what she likes. If you don't then it's s going to become an even bigger issue. Show her what you like talk to her about fantasies and what turns both you and her on. |
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"Im not pointing the finger at her. My communication is really poor in this situation telling her what to do and so on..
Well communication is the only way to help if its becoming such an issue. Tell her what you like ask her what she likes. If you don't then it's s going to become an even bigger issue. Show her what you like talk to her about fantasies and what turns both you and her on. "
Words of wisdom from Bo.
Let me tell you my story in short .
Started with chats about fantasies, desires , unfulfilled sexual dreams, shopping for new toys together, more toys , different toys , more chats , deeper chats .
Honesty and communication brought us from vanilla to the world of kink , festishes and parts of BDSM we both enjoyed ,never pressured , evolved naturally.
  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not pointing the finger at her. My communication is really poor in this situation telling her what to do and so on.. "
Well you need to start talking with her, guide her during sex with your responses, show enthusiasm when you're enjoying it,redirect her or suggest something else when you're not. Or is it that you are inhibited by her "vanilla" - as you put it-nature? Afraid that you might shock her or she would find a suggestion disgusting or distasteful? You really need to understand what is causing your own inhibitions here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my opinion, Ohpee, it's important to be able to discuss such things outside of the bedroom as much as inside. If you can't talk about your likes and dislikes, sexually, in that kind of environment then doing so whilst you're arguably at your most vulnerable with another person won't make it easier for either of you; communication stems from beforehand.
It's also important you approach it not only in an appropriate manner but an appropriate time; don't bring it up after a long day at work for example!
Communication is physical too as well as spoken; how your body reacts tells a story in itself.
Ultimately be open about everything, especially of your want to improve your own communication skills. That way, with both of you aware, it'll make anything of that nature less awkward. It's something that's no different than any other sexual preference or act; it all requires time and understanding |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner I'm with would be considered vanilla. About 3 sex positions and not great at oral. She's happy and there is no problem with that, but I have expressed I want more spark, excitement and a bit more of a trill as the sex life doesn't do it for me.
She's open to directions but I'm not the best at giving instructions (kills it for me) and a poor communicator when it comes to this. It's make or break by the looks of it. Has anyone experienced this. Any advice would be welcome. "
OP, take all the advices seriously. If you wouldn't do anything, you will blame only yourself. Lots of people said: communication and honesty, guide her, ask her what gives her a pleasure, if you both are shy but have something in mind, please do not afraid to suggest to watch a porn and then try it together. New toys, new sexy lingerie for her, everything matters.
If you home alone, no kids around, try to cook with her being naked. Tease her, and allow to be teased.
I am a bit shy so my partner found out the way to eliminate the stress: anytime we have something in our filthy minds, we just ask each other "please show me".
It comes naturally. Where is the trust and honesty, there will be full of fun
Good luck, OP!  |
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"Or is it that you are inhibited by her "vanilla" - as you put it-nature? Afraid that you might shock her or she would find a suggestion disgusting or distasteful? You really need to understand what is causing your own inhibitions here. "
Yeah I think there could be a lot of truth in this. I'm Not sure how she would react at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or is it that you are inhibited by her "vanilla" - as you put it-nature? Afraid that you might shock her or she would find a suggestion disgusting or distasteful? You really need to understand what is causing your own inhibitions here.
Yeah I think there could be a lot of truth in this. I'm Not sure how she would react at all. "
If you see this as being a long term relationship these issues need to be addressed, or the things you are afraid to talk about will become a barrier to any real intimacy. |
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"Im not pointing the finger at her. My communication is really poor in this situation telling her what to do and so on..
Well communication is the only way to help if its becoming such an issue. Tell her what you like ask her what she likes. If you don't then it's s going to become an even bigger issue. Show her what you like talk to her about fantasies and what turns both you and her on.
Words of wisdom from Bo.
Let me tell you my story in short .
Started with chats about fantasies, desires , unfulfilled sexual dreams, shopping for new toys together, more toys , different toys , more chats , deeper chats .
Honesty and communication brought us from vanilla to the world of kink , festishes and parts of BDSM we both enjoyed ,never pressured , evolved naturally.
"
Sounds fantastic  howcome you've a single male profile on here then? |
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"Im not pointing the finger at her. My communication is really poor in this situation telling her what to do and so on..
Well communication is the only way to help if its becoming such an issue. Tell her what you like ask her what she likes. If you don't then it's s going to become an even bigger issue. Show her what you like talk to her about fantasies and what turns both you and her on.
Words of wisdom from Bo.
Let me tell you my story in short .
Started with chats about fantasies, desires , unfulfilled sexual dreams, shopping for new toys together, more toys , different toys , more chats , deeper chats .
Honesty and communication brought us from vanilla to the world of kink , festishes and parts of BDSM we both enjoyed ,never pressured , evolved naturally.
Sounds fantastic howcome you've a single male profile on here then?"
My ex |
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"Im not pointing the finger at her. My communication is really poor in this situation telling her what to do and so on..
Well communication is the only way to help if its becoming such an issue. Tell her what you like ask her what she likes. If you don't then it's s going to become an even bigger issue. Show her what you like talk to her about fantasies and what turns both you and her on.
Words of wisdom from Bo.
Let me tell you my story in short .
Started with chats about fantasies, desires , unfulfilled sexual dreams, shopping for new toys together, more toys , different toys , more chats , deeper chats .
Honesty and communication brought us from vanilla to the world of kink , festishes and parts of BDSM we both enjoyed ,never pressured , evolved naturally.
Sounds fantastic howcome you've a single male profile on here then?
My ex "
Sorry to hear it's your ex  sounded like a perfect arrangement |
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"Im not pointing the finger at her. My communication is really poor in this situation telling her what to do and so on..
Well communication is the only way to help if its becoming such an issue. Tell her what you like ask her what she likes. If you don't then it's s going to become an even bigger issue. Show her what you like talk to her about fantasies and what turns both you and her on.
Words of wisdom from Bo.
Let me tell you my story in short .
Started with chats about fantasies, desires , unfulfilled sexual dreams, shopping for new toys together, more toys , different toys , more chats , deeper chats .
Honesty and communication brought us from vanilla to the world of kink , festishes and parts of BDSM we both enjoyed ,never pressured , evolved naturally.
Sounds fantastic howcome you've a single male profile on here then?
My ex
Sorry to hear it's your ex sounded like a perfect arrangement"
Don't be sorry, life is a collection of experiences,both, good and bad, make us who we are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP-I was a relationship with woman who was really decent sort, but she was the same as your partner ie rather conservative. The sex was pretty good, if somewhat pedestrian in nature. Tried as I might to corrupt her, I eventually had to accept that she just wasn't a very sexual person. I was quite surprised when it was she who suggested that we continue with our relationship, as we got along really well but I should find myself a fuck buddy. If you're sex life is so unfulfilling, perhaps you could tactfully suggest a similar arrangement.
We did eventually go our separate ways, and she found herself a guy with a very low libido. We are still good friends many years later... |
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"My partner I'm with would be considered vanilla. About 3 sex positions and not great at oral. She's happy and there is no problem with that, but I have expressed I want more spark, excitement and a bit more of a trill as the sex life doesn't do it for me.
She's open to directions but I'm not the best at giving instructions (kills it for me) and a poor communicator when it comes to this. It's make or break by the looks of it. Has anyone experienced this. Any advice would be welcome. "
Well if your looking for ideas to spice things up I suggest looking up kamasutra she has basically given you the reigns so take full advantage of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Start with fun, break the ice in terms of bad communication and get her a remote control vibrator.
Have fun with it..
How is a remote control vibrator fun?"
I'm already laughing just thinking about it.. believe me it's fun. He has control of the switch. Go for a drink or to the park and have fun with it.   |
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