FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Fear of fab straight bi or fear of pushy?
Fear of fab straight bi or fear of pushy?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Now after hundreds of threads about bi men who are open about it being unwelcome and men who may be bi curious or bi, but choose to tag their own profile as straight to avoid any unwanted attention.
1. Isn't it the same thing as women and couples not looking for single men, but low key "doing the hunt themselves"?
Also, both of us agree that one can call themselves bi only when they're able to develop romantic feelings towards both sexes. Some random heat of a moment shouldn't really define ones personality as well as sexuality. I.e. I enjoyed a vegan Buddha bowl in a restaurant last month - will you call me vegan for doing so?
God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained.
Do I identify as a bisexual? Absolutely fucking not! Never in a million years will I wake up and say "gosh I wish there was a girl in my bed".
What happens in a spur of a moment with the right people should be held precious (this is exactly what the "quality over quantity" crowd mean). And if someone has the decency to be a human being and treat you as such no matter what their profile sexuality may suggest for fucks sake just treat them like a human being. You may be in for a sweet surprise.
Missus |
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"Now after hundreds of threads about bi men who are open about it being unwelcome and men who may be bi curious or bi, but choose to tag their own profile as straight to avoid any unwanted attention.
1. Isn't it the same thing as women and couples not looking for single men, but low key "doing the hunt themselves"?
Also, both of us agree that one can call themselves bi only when they're able to develop romantic feelings towards both sexes. Some random heat of a moment shouldn't really define ones personality as well as sexuality. I.e. I enjoyed a vegan Buddha bowl in a restaurant last month - will you call me vegan for doing so?
God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained.
Do I identify as a bisexual? Absolutely fucking not! Never in a million years will I wake up and say "gosh I wish there was a girl in my bed".
What happens in a spur of a moment with the right people should be held precious (this is exactly what the "quality over quantity" crowd mean). And if someone has the decency to be a human being and treat you as such no matter what their profile sexuality may suggest for fucks sake just treat them like a human being. You may be in for a sweet surprise.
Missus "
I like this  |
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"Now after hundreds of threads about bi men who are open about it being unwelcome and men who may be bi curious or bi, but choose to tag their own profile as straight to avoid any unwanted attention.
1. Isn't it the same thing as women and couples not looking for single men, but low key "doing the hunt themselves"?
Also, both of us agree that one can call themselves bi only when they're able to develop romantic feelings towards both sexes. Some random heat of a moment shouldn't really define ones personality as well as sexuality. I.e. I enjoyed a vegan Buddha bowl in a restaurant last month - will you call me vegan for doing so?
God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained.
Do I identify as a bisexual? Absolutely fucking not! Never in a million years will I wake up and say "gosh I wish there was a girl in my bed".
What happens in a spur of a moment with the right people should be held precious (this is exactly what the "quality over quantity" crowd mean). And if someone has the decency to be a human being and treat you as such no matter what their profile sexuality may suggest for fucks sake just treat them like a human being. You may be in for a sweet surprise.
Missus "
All forms of discrimination, racial/sexual/gender are nothing but diseases of the mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's an interesting comparison to be fair. It's a subject that has so many layers and possible tangents of conversation.
There are undoubtedly circumstances where some men may not wish to state "bi-curious/bisexual" on their profile as to avoid unwanted messages and advances; I know that some women do so in order to stave off 'MFF' requests for example.
However, as much as I personally don't like labels and feel it somewhat archaic to have to pigeonhole your sexuality by ticking a box, I can to an extent understand the argument that it helps establish a degree of trust and honesty or lack thereof much like detailing any other part of you as a person; that you're married, in a relationship etc. One that isn't necessarily an issue when setting up filters to avoid a swathe of messages and search for who you would like.
Some people just may not wish to meet bisexual men/women and that's their preference, one that's to be respected like any other; be it a preference for body type, relationship status etc. Often I feel people misinterpret sexually oriented preferences to be born out of ignorance or reinforcing a stigma.
However, as much as preferences ought to be respected they should never be held to a higher standard of said respect than a fellow person; who is a lot more than just a box to be ticked or words on a screen. Which is part of the reason as to why I dislike the term "Fab straight".
So many of us are incredibly fortunate to have known for as long as we can remember what our 'path' was, sexually. For more people than we care to think about it can be a torturous path of denial and self-loathing on the way to discovery; one that may take a lifetime.
It may be a path littered with experiences of experimentation until that person feels comfortable with not only who they are but knowing what they like. Who is anyone to judge when a person has to be ready to understand and embrace who they are?
Additionally, discovery can work either way of course. If I, as a straight man, felt curious and strongly enough to wish to explore my sexuality with another man only to discover that it's not who I am or what I like am I not entitled to identify as 'straight' anymore? That goes back to the idea of having people describe their sexual orientation through ticking a box as being too restrictive.
Just as you've detailed your opinions on what constitutes bisexuality, OP, there'll be various other interpretations undoubtedly; be it a single sexual experience with a person of the same gender or a strict attraction to both genders. However, just as there's no one definitive definition there's no one 'right' way a person has to live their life and discover themselves. It's why I feel such terms like 'Fab straight' when thrown around in a jovial sense can be detrimental and reinforce the stigma of sexual identifications.
Anyway, that's just my two cents  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now after hundreds of threads about bi men who are open about it being unwelcome and men who may be bi curious or bi, but choose to tag their own profile as straight to avoid any unwanted attention.
1. Isn't it the same thing as women and couples not looking for single men, but low key "doing the hunt themselves"?
Also, both of us agree that one can call themselves bi only when they're able to develop romantic feelings towards both sexes. Some random heat of a moment shouldn't really define ones personality as well as sexuality. I.e. I enjoyed a vegan Buddha bowl in a restaurant last month - will you call me vegan for doing so?
God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained.
Do I identify as a bisexual? Absolutely fucking not! Never in a million years will I wake up and say "gosh I wish there was a girl in my bed".
What happens in a spur of a moment with the right people should be held precious (this is exactly what the "quality over quantity" crowd mean). And if someone has the decency to be a human being and treat you as such no matter what their profile sexuality may suggest for fucks sake just treat them like a human being. You may be in for a sweet surprise.
Missus "
The vegan burgers and sausages are just fantastic  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I personally do not have any problem with a person being bi, I do have a problem with someone lying about it to get what they want. For example if someone has on their profile do not play with bi guy's how is that any different to a person saying they do not want to play with married guy's. It's not out of ignorance,homophobia or anything else it's simply a personal choice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I personally do not have any problem with a person being bi, I do have a problem with someone lying about it to get what they want. For example if someone has on their profile do not play with bi guy's how is that any different to a person saying they do not want to play with married guy's. It's not out of ignorance,homophobia or anything else it's simply a personal choice."
Then you aren't talking about bisexual people. You are talking about liars and manipulators - they come in all genders, races, body types, sexualities and ages.
|
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"It's an interesting comparison to be fair. It's a subject that has so many layers and possible tangents of conversation.
There are undoubtedly circumstances where some men may not wish to state "bi-curious/bisexual" on their profile as to avoid unwanted messages and advances; I know that some women do so in order to stave off 'MFF' requests for example.
However, as much as I personally don't like labels and feel it somewhat archaic to have to pigeonhole your sexuality by ticking a box, I can to an extent understand the argument that it helps establish a degree of trust and honesty or lack thereof much like detailing any other part of you as a person; that you're married, in a relationship etc. One that isn't necessarily an issue when setting up filters to avoid a swathe of messages and search for who you would like.
Some people just may not wish to meet bisexual men/women and that's their preference, one that's to be respected like any other; be it a preference for body type, relationship status etc. Often I feel people misinterpret sexually oriented preferences to be born out of ignorance or reinforcing a stigma.
However, as much as preferences ought to be respected they should never be held to a higher standard of said respect than a fellow person; who is a lot more than just a box to be ticked or words on a screen. Which is part of the reason as to why I dislike the term "Fab straight".
So many of us are incredibly fortunate to have known for as long as we can remember what our 'path' was, sexually. For more people than we care to think about it can be a torturous path of denial and self-loathing on the way to discovery; one that may take a lifetime.
It may be a path littered with experiences of experimentation until that person feels comfortable with not only who they are but knowing what they like. Who is anyone to judge when a person has to be ready to understand and embrace who they are?
Additionally, discovery can work either way of course. If I, as a straight man, felt curious and strongly enough to wish to explore my sexuality with another man only to discover that it's not who I am or what I like am I not entitled to identify as 'straight' anymore? That goes back to the idea of having people describe their sexual orientation through ticking a box as being too restrictive.
Just as you've detailed your opinions on what constitutes bisexuality, OP, there'll be various other interpretations undoubtedly; be it a single sexual experience with a person of the same gender or a strict attraction to both genders. However, just as there's no one definitive definition there's no one 'right' way a person has to live their life and discover themselves. It's why I feel such terms like 'Fab straight' when thrown around in a jovial sense can be detrimental and reinforce the stigma of sexual identifications.
Anyway, that's just my two cents "
Great post |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I personally do not have any problem with a person being bi, I do have a problem with someone lying about it to get what they want. For example if someone has on their profile do not play with bi guy's how is that any different to a person saying they do not want to play with married guy's. It's not out of ignorance,homophobia or anything else it's simply a personal choice.
Then you aren't talking about bisexual people. You are talking about liars and manipulators - they come in all genders, races, body types, sexualities and ages.
"
I was replying to your original post, which you stated Bi men shouldn't have to label themselves as such. I disagree if a man deliberately hide's the fact that he is bisexual in order to meet women who are not attracted to bi men, then he is lying simple as that. I understand many people are still discovering their own sexuality and are unsure which box too tick. But if asked and they hide it then it becomes lying and manipulating which is the same as a married person lieing about that. One is seen as the lowest of the low here by some and the other " shouldn't be labelled". Every person here is entitled to chose who they want to meet based on the information they have about the other person. It shouldn't be any different for women who do not want to meet Bi men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Now after hundreds of threads about bi men who are open about it being unwelcome and men who may be bi curious or bi, but choose to tag their own profile as straight to avoid any unwanted attention.
1. Isn't it the same thing as women and couples not looking for single men, but low key "doing the hunt themselves"?
Also, both of us agree that one can call themselves bi only when they're able to develop romantic feelings towards both sexes. Some random heat of a moment shouldn't really define ones personality as well as sexuality. I.e. I enjoyed a vegan Buddha bowl in a restaurant last month - will you call me vegan for doing so?
God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained.
Do I identify as a bisexual? Absolutely fucking not! Never in a million years will I wake up and say "gosh I wish there was a girl in my bed".
What happens in a spur of a moment with the right people should be held precious (this is exactly what the "quality over quantity" crowd mean). And if someone has the decency to be a human being and treat you as such no matter what their profile sexuality may suggest for fucks sake just treat them like a human being. You may be in for a sweet surprise.
Missus "
Romantic? Hmm. No... Look up the definition...
bisexual
/b??'s?k???l/
Learn to pronounce
adjective
1.
sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women.
Similar:
ambisexual
AC/DC
bi
swinging both ways
ambidextrous
switch-hitting
noun
a person who is sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender.
It seems to 'suit' people to say they are not bisexual but 'play' with people of the same sex.
Just my two cent.
https://www.google.com/search?q=bisexual&oq=bisexual&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.2999j1j4&client=ms-android-huawei-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Now after hundreds of threads about bi men who are open about it being unwelcome and men who may be bi curious or bi, but choose to tag their own profile as straight to avoid any unwanted attention.
1. Isn't it the same thing as women and couples not looking for single men, but low key "doing the hunt themselves"?
Also, both of us agree that one can call themselves bi only when they're able to develop romantic feelings towards both sexes. Some random heat of a moment shouldn't really define ones personality as well as sexuality. I.e. I enjoyed a vegan Buddha bowl in a restaurant last month - will you call me vegan for doing so?
God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained.
Do I identify as a bisexual? Absolutely fucking not! Never in a million years will I wake up and say "gosh I wish there was a girl in my bed".
What happens in a spur of a moment with the right people should be held precious (this is exactly what the "quality over quantity" crowd mean). And if someone has the decency to be a human being and treat you as such no matter what their profile sexuality may suggest for fucks sake just treat them like a human being. You may be in for a sweet surprise.
Missus
Romantic? Hmm. No... Look up the definition...
bisexual
/b??'s?k???l/
Learn to pronounce
adjective
1.
sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women.
Similar:
ambisexual
AC/DC
bi
swinging both ways
ambidextrous
switch-hitting
noun
a person who is sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender.
It seems to 'suit' people to say they are not bisexual but 'play' with people of the same sex.
Just my two cent.
https://www.google.com/search?q=bisexual&oq=bisexual&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.2999j1j4&client=ms-android-huawei-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8"
Attracted being the key word.
Just because I'm not repulsed by same sex doesn't mean that I'm attracted to it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To quote....
"God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained."...
So that's not bisexual?  "
Would you call me a vegan because I enjoy vegan food now and then?
Am I an alcoholic because I get d*unk sometimes?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To quote....
"God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained."...
So that's not bisexual?
Would you call me a vegan because I enjoy vegan food now and then?
Am I an alcoholic because I get d*unk sometimes?
"
Look up alcoholic and see do you tick the boxes. Vegan? Obviously not.
You're straining to do some explaining.
As are your white knights. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To quote....
"God knows I've been with more women than most of guys who come here looking their balls drained."...
So that's not bisexual?
Would you call me a vegan because I enjoy vegan food now and then?
Am I an alcoholic because I get d*unk sometimes?
Look up alcoholic and see do you tick the boxes. Vegan? Obviously not.
You're straining to do some explaining.
As are your white knights. "
What white knights?
Once again- if something doesn't repulse me it DOESN'T MEAN that I am attracted to it. Simple as.
And it's not yours or Google's place to define mine and other people's sexuality. If they feel that they're straight they're fucking straight, no matter what genitals got fingered in the past.
And I'm not talking about liars and manipulators, who will say and do anything to get their dick wet.
I'm talking about people, who went through experimental phases to find themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am never sure what label describes me.
I have no on my profile as I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I have been and will be again romantically in a relationship with women but would never consider a romantic relationship with a man.
Am I using the wrong label on my profile? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Would it be fair to say that some definitions/labels as you put them, don't suit, people choose to ignore them and say they don't apply?
"
Is it fair to say that you think it's okay for YOU to assume MY sexuality by my past actions.
I don't like mint choc flavoured ice cream, but will eat it if I don't have any other ice cream to choose from because I like ice cream.
I am not looking for any women to have sex with, but don't mind having sex with a woman if the moment is right and I'm in a right mood just because I like sex.
Does it still not register?
Who are you or any random internet people and what gives any random internet stranger the right to assume what each and every person should or shouldn't see their sexuality as and what label to put on themselves to reflect what they feel they truly are. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am never sure what label describes me.
I have no on my profile as I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I have been and will be again romantically in a relationship with women but would never consider a romantic relationship with a man.
Am I using the wrong label on my profile?"
You do what you're comfortable with x it's your life and your profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am never sure what label describes me.
I have no on my profile as I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I have been and will be again romantically in a relationship with women but would never consider a romantic relationship with a man.
Am I using the wrong label on my profile?"
If you were having an open discussion about sex with a potential meet and the subject came up and you explained you have been and are sexually attracted to men then no it's not wrong. You are being honest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thank you.
I don't know if it is my age or what and I am not criticising or want to offend others but how else can I describe myself in a profile without using the nearest applicable label.
Even if we discovered a more accurate description it would still be considered by some a label. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would it be fair to say that some definitions/labels as you put them, don't suit, people choose to ignore them and say they don't apply?
Is it fair to say that you think it's okay for YOU to assume MY sexuality by my past actions.
I don't like mint choc flavoured ice cream, but will eat it if I don't have any other ice cream to choose from because I like ice cream.
I am not looking for any women to have sex with, but don't mind having sex with a woman if the moment is right and I'm in a right mood just because I like sex.
Does it still not register?
Who are you or any random internet people and what gives any random internet stranger the right to assume what each and every person should or shouldn't see their sexuality as and what label to put on themselves to reflect what they feel they truly are. "
Woman having sex with a woman, man having sex with a man, bisexual to most people. Doesn't suit your personal opinion. Grand. Your opinion. I'm entitled to my randomer opinion as much as it offends you. Yours doesn't offend me, it's just baffling.
Open forum, open chat. You should be used to that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Would it be fair to say that some definitions/labels as you put them, don't suit, people choose to ignore them and say they don't apply?
Is it fair to say that you think it's okay for YOU to assume MY sexuality by my past actions.
I don't like mint choc flavoured ice cream, but will eat it if I don't have any other ice cream to choose from because I like ice cream.
I am not looking for any women to have sex with, but don't mind having sex with a woman if the moment is right and I'm in a right mood just because I like sex.
Does it still not register?
Who are you or any random internet people and what gives any random internet stranger the right to assume what each and every person should or shouldn't see their sexuality as and what label to put on themselves to reflect what they feel they truly are.
Woman having sex with a woman, man having sex with a man, bisexual to most people. Doesn't suit your personal opinion. Grand. Your opinion. I'm entitled to my randomer opinion as much as it offends you. Yours doesn't offend me, it's just baffling.
Open forum, open chat. You should be used to that. "
Just off the topic here.. let me guess - your age is over 45? (Can't see the profile, just a guess). Am I right? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would it be fair to say that some definitions/labels as you put them, don't suit, people choose to ignore them and say they don't apply?
Is it fair to say that you think it's okay for YOU to assume MY sexuality by my past actions.
I don't like mint choc flavoured ice cream, but will eat it if I don't have any other ice cream to choose from because I like ice cream.
I am not looking for any women to have sex with, but don't mind having sex with a woman if the moment is right and I'm in a right mood just because I like sex.
Does it still not register?
Who are you or any random internet people and what gives any random internet stranger the right to assume what each and every person should or shouldn't see their sexuality as and what label to put on themselves to reflect what they feel they truly are.
Woman having sex with a woman, man having sex with a man, bisexual to most people. Doesn't suit your personal opinion. Grand. Your opinion. I'm entitled to my randomer opinion as much as it offends you. Yours doesn't offend me, it's just baffling.
Open forum, open chat. You should be used to that. "
I agree wholeheartedly with yourself and corklass people want to meet who they most matched with if a couples profile say she wants to explore her bi side a straight couple aren't going to bother messaging were not looking for life partners on here just a hook up so why can't we pick the label that matches us best  |
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I used to have straight on my profile because I don't fancy guys but I do like sucking cock and meeting bi couples for 3 way fun, love the mix. class myself now after some time as bi. I only changed this because if I saw a bi couple I wanted to meet the would not reply because I had straight. Unfortunately most woman and couples won't meet bi guys from what I see. Truth is, I would have no interest in sucking a guy off unless he was into it so straight guys are perfectly safe lol |
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