FabSwingers.com > Forums > Introductions > LOST CAUSE
LOST CAUSE
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"Do you have many male friends? You'll find that this is extremely common. Huge amounts of women do go off sex for no apparent reason. It's one of those cruel things about life I guess. At the end of the day, be honest with her I guess. A relationship is a two way thing. "Thanks for the reply. It has been difficult as I have given her time and she always says things will improve, stating she knows she needs to , but doesnt. | |||
"I gave up about half way through. I'll be honest on no expert but I'm not sure pushing her to try things she doesn't seem interested in is the way to sort out your non-existent sex life. Also the bits I did read seemed all about her, or specifically her failings and nothing about you and what you could be doing just about what you want. You repeatedly mentioned that you love her but nothing in your tone suggested any sort of affection " Thanks for taking the time to pass judgement after confirming you have not read everything. Cheers | |||
"I'm no expert but there's two ways to look at your post. The first is that a lot of what you wrote seems to about you, your desires and what you want with little consideration for her wants and desires. She may not have much of a sex drive, be interested in bringing other people into your sex lives...etc etc etc. There are some I suppose who could claim there is an element of selfishness to some of the things you have said. For all I know, something about your behaviour could be causing her to act this way. That's simply an observation, not a passing of judgement. The second way to look at it is that something is very wrong in your marriage. From your own words, your sex life is virtually none existent and your wife makes certain promises yet fails to see them through. I'm not talking about the aspects of swinging (that is like trying to run before you even can walk in this situation). The fact she promises to initiate and try things yet never does is a huge red flag and has to be addressed. Furthermore, love and sex are not the same thing. You can love your wife all you want. The fact you are not intimate is obviously having a huge effect on you. Unfortunately for you, nothings going to change without action on your side. You say yourself your wife never delivers on the promises she makes so you are the only one who can change things. You have 3 options as far as I see it. Option one. Seek professional help. You could see a therapist or councillor together. Maybe even having your wife speak to her GP could identify the problem if there in fact one (it may well be that your wife just isn't into sex). Try to find out why she's not that into sex. If there is a medical or psychological reason then it can be worked on, if not see options two and three. Option two. Accept your situation. You'll be unhappy and unfulfilled from your own words but focus on the love part of your relationship. Try romancing her rather than seducing her. Ditch the porn, Fab and sex talk and just focus on making her happy in whatever non sex related way way you can. It might kindle something physical. Option Three. Leave her. I'm just being a realist here. You could leave her and try to find something or someone that is fulfilling for you. Again, love and sex are separate things. They "should" be intertwined in a normal marriage but you could move on and just continue a platonic relationship with her..or not depending on how it goes. Either way, you and you alone will be able to search out something that does make you feel happy. It's up to you but you're in charge of your own life. Every marriage can have a rocky period but 20 years is a bit much. If she wont change then you have to. Thanks for the reply. Very helpful and I will take time to reflect on your points. My wife has always said she will try and I have never pushed her into anything. I have made suggestions and we have spoken about them. always giving her choices. She has always agreed to try but then never proceeded with any of the choices she made. We are like best friends and still are, so I guess that is how it will remain. Thanks again for your time. " | |||
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"I gave up about half way through. I'll be honest on no expert but I'm not sure pushing her to try things she doesn't seem interested in is the way to sort out your non-existent sex life. Also the bits I did read seemed all about her, or specifically her failings and nothing about you and what you could be doing just about what you want. You repeatedly mentioned that you love her but nothing in your tone suggested any sort of affection Thanks for taking the time to pass judgement after confirming you have not read everything. Cheers" No problem. I've read it all now and stand by my post though  | |||
"Do you have many male friends? You'll find that this is extremely common. Huge amounts of women do go off sex for no apparent reason. It's one of those cruel things about life I guess. At the end of the day, be honest with her I guess. A relationship is a two way thing.
Thanks for the reply. It has been difficult as I have given her time and she always says things will improve, stating she knows she needs to , but doesnt. "Have you considered couples counselling? | |||
"Considering that you love her you're very uncomplimentary about her. As I see it you have three options. Remain as you are. Stay married and seek sex elsewhere with or without your wife's permission. Leave your wife. This won't necessarily mean your sex life will improve though." Oh right. Which part was uncomplimentary in yr opinion? Maybe I can clarify. | |||
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"Considering that you love her you're very uncomplimentary about her. As I see it you have three options. Remain as you are. Stay married and seek sex elsewhere with or without your wife's permission. Leave your wife. This won't necessarily mean your sex life will improve though. Oh right. Which part was uncomplimentary in yr opinion? Maybe I can clarify." I found the would gone of your post very negative about her. I can understand that you probably feel isolated and possibly unloved. It must be awful to constantly discuss something with your partner, receive assurances that things will change but then they don't. Is it possible that she's agreeing to just shut you down temporarily? | |||
"Considering that you love her you're very uncomplimentary about her. As I see it you have three options. Remain as you are. Stay married and seek sex elsewhere with or without your wife's permission. Leave your wife. This won't necessarily mean your sex life will improve though. Oh right. Which part was uncomplimentary in yr opinion? Maybe I can clarify. I found the would gone of your post very negative about her. I can understand that you probably feel isolated and possibly unloved. It must be awful to constantly discuss something with your partner, receive assurances that things will change but then they don't. Is it possible that she's agreeing to just shut you down temporarily?" The whole tone of your post that should say | |||
"If your wife doesn't feel valued or that you want her for anything more than sex, you probably won't get some any time soon " We do everything together and I am not pushy when it comes to sex. I even leave it for long periods of time before I mention getting close. It's not about her not feeling valued. She acknowledges that I put her first and we discuss and agree everything. | |||
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"If your wife doesn't feel valued or that you want her for anything more than sex, you probably won't get some any time soon We do everything together and I am not pushy when it comes to sex. I even leave it for long periods of time before I mention getting close. It's not about her not feeling valued. She acknowledges that I put her first and we discuss and agree everything. " None of that comes through in your original post Feeling valued isn't about grand gestures every now and again | |||
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"I read the entire thing and it was all very much 'me, me, me'. YOU want her to fuck someone else. YOU want her to go on cam. YOU want her to initiate contact. She's tried things you've asked her to and she didn't like it, stop trying to force her to do things she doesn't want to. If you were my husband i'd have turfed you out years ago. " There has never been any forcing from either of us. We have always discussed things and she had agreed only to not act on what she agreed on initially. It was not about just me. I made suggestions to try and improve our sex life and she agreed but then never followed through so I accepted it and have not been pushy. and don't worry. With responses like yours, I would never consider being your husband. Its been all about YOU YOU YOU! | |||
"If your wife doesn't feel valued or that you want her for anything more than sex, you probably won't get some any time soon We do everything together and I am not pushy when it comes to sex. I even leave it for long periods of time before I mention getting close. It's not about her not feeling valued. She acknowledges that I put her first and we discuss and agree everything. " Everything about your post screams pushy about sex, how do you not see that? | |||
"I read the entire thing and it was all very much 'me, me, me'. YOU want her to fuck someone else. YOU want her to go on cam. YOU want her to initiate contact. She's tried things you've asked her to and she didn't like it, stop trying to force her to do things she doesn't want to. If you were my husband i'd have turfed you out years ago. There has never been any forcing from either of us. We have always discussed things and she had agreed only to not act on what she agreed on initially. It was not about just me. I made suggestions to try and improve our sex life and she agreed but then never followed through so I accepted it and have not been pushy. and don't worry. With responses like yours, I would never consider being your husband. Its been all about YOU YOU YOU!" Your maturity is shining through. She's allowed to change her mind about things. Honestly, leave her, you'd do her a favour. | |||
"can't be that bad otherwise you would have left" The relationship is great. The marriage is great. Its just that there is no sex. | |||
"I read the entire thing and it was all very much 'me, me, me'. YOU want her to fuck someone else. YOU want her to go on cam. YOU want her to initiate contact. She's tried things you've asked her to and she didn't like it, stop trying to force her to do things she doesn't want to. If you were my husband i'd have turfed you out years ago. There has never been any forcing from either of us. We have always discussed things and she had agreed only to not act on what she agreed on initially. It was not about just me. I made suggestions to try and improve our sex life and she agreed but then never followed through so I accepted it and have not been pushy. and don't worry. With responses like yours, I would never consider being your husband. Its been all about YOU YOU YOU! Your maturity is shining through. She's allowed to change her mind about things. Honestly, leave her, you'd do her a favour. " LOL | |||
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"If your wife doesn't feel valued or that you want her for anything more than sex, you probably won't get some any time soon We do everything together and I am not pushy when it comes to sex. I even leave it for long periods of time before I mention getting close. It's not about her not feeling valued. She acknowledges that I put her first and we discuss and agree everything. Everything about your post screams pushy about sex, how do you not see that? " | |||
"As its a couples account, I hope she sees your profile and this post. I'm not married, but if I was and my hubby spoke about me this way, his bags would be outside in the rain" he's on a single male profile. | |||
"As its a couples account, I hope she sees your profile and this post. I'm not married, but if I was and my hubby spoke about me this way, his bags would be outside in the rain" Thanks for your experienced marriage feedback  | |||
"As its a couples account, I hope she sees your profile and this post. I'm not married, but if I was and my hubby spoke about me this way, his bags would be outside in the rain he's on a single male profile."Oh he's changed it then as it was a couples account | |||
"As its a couples account, I hope she sees your profile and this post. I'm not married, but if I was and my hubby spoke about me this way, his bags would be outside in the rain Thanks for your experienced marriage feedback "It is experienced. I said I'm not married. Didn't say I hadn't been married | |||
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"So Update……. Where do I begin? I could tell you that I love my wife of over 20 years dearly. I could tell you that I find her so attractive and sexy. I could tell you that our sex life is poor and almost non existent. I could tell you that we have spoken about it over the years and I have explained that it needs to improve. I could tell you that she has acknowledged this and every time we speak about it she promises to improve and try harder. I could tell you that I have a high sex drive and for 95% of our time together (over 20yrs) I have spent most of it wanking off to porn due to no sexual contact from my wife. I’ve been married to my wife for 25 years. During that time I’ve been happy with everything except for our sex life. I could tell you that I don’t want to leave my wife as I still love her. I could tell you that everything is perfect except for our sex life. Would it surprise you to know that everything I posted above is 100% true. I am fed up of now listening to my wife agree to try and add a spark into our sex life and try new things only to fail every time. She just does not bother and Never initiates anything. We tell each other we love each other but nothing ever happens. For over two years now, after so many failed attempts to get her to be more forward, and join in some fun with me online, with others on cam or in chat rooms, I have had enough. There have been so many promises made by her to try and not one has been kept. I am so frustrated with it all and am fast approaching the half century mark with nothing to show for over 20 years of marriage, in terms of a physical relationship. I can’t do it anymore. There is only so much porn you can watch but in the end you still feel empty inside, but I still wake up daily, keeping the secret from everyone and smiling as if everything is ok, when I am unhappy inside. She agreed to post a few photos as I said, she was beautiful and many people would comment on her sexy figure. The comments did come, but there was no improvement from her, although she did say she liked the comments. That was it. I suggested she join me on cam and she did a few times, going topless and wanking me off onto her tits. The guys gave her some lovely comments but nothing changed after those 2 occassions. I told her I had a cuckold fantasy and she agreed to role play it with me with other guys. After agreeing everything, she did not initiate anything, and no cam session has been arranged. I arranged one with her agreement and it fell through for one excuse after another. 2 years have passed since we first spoke about doing it now. My intention was to get us to have some fun and for her to feel good about herself, in the knowledge that people found her attractive. I had over the years, prepared special meals, taken her on weekend breaks away, bought her some sexy underwear etc, but nothing seemed to work. I have shared so much with her regarding my sexual desires and everything has fallen on deaf ears. She has agreed to try, but never follows through. I spoke a while back to her that maybe she should have some fun with someone and I could watch. Maybe that would spice things up. I’m not the jealous type and hoped some attention from other guys would make her feel sexy. She was happy to agree to going on cam with me but would never meet anyone else, worrying about what people would say and would it be safe to do. I posted some stories and she said she understood how I felt when she read them. But nothing changed in our sex life. On the rare occasions we would get close, I would always ensure she had fun and would spend time on her, more often that not making her cum. That was a big turn on for me. But asking for something back was always the case for me. Sometimes I was so desperate for attention I would ask her for a handjob, but it didn’t feel right as it felt that I was begging for some sexual contact. So here I am sharing the intimate parts of my life, having been married for over 20 years in a good marriage that is however Sexless. And I can honestly say I have had enough. Obviously I could share more intimate and intricate details on me initiating things, arranging romantic events, always putting her first but hope you can understand, that this has been one way traffic from day one. I am on here typing this and am realising that my wife just does not have it in her to initiate anything to do with sex. She will never do anything without me initiating it with her. She will never consider any fantasy role play and act it out. She will never consider having a hotwife scenario and having fun with another guy, or indeed have a threesome. She wouldn’t even consider a sexy massage from another guy, even though when we had her pictures on here, there would be regular messages from guys saying they would love to have fun with her. I told her, I would love her to have some fun sexually with another guy and be pleasured, but she declined. I don’t want to be destined to stay lonely sexually all the rest of my life. I had hoped for my wife to be adventurous. I had hoped for us to have a great sex life. I had hoped for her to initiate sexual contact. I had hoped that she would be vocal and show she was having a great time. I guess I won’t see it EVER! I am now at a loss and will have to consider options. I will not leave her, but I do want my own sex life to improve. She tells me she loves me but never shows me. Any ideas or suggestions would be welcome. " " two things come to mind? 1. you sound very selfish, it’s all I, I, I, me me me 2. why did you marry her in the first place, as from your post it seems you’ve never been happy with your sex life? | |||
"i get fed up with men saying its normal for women to go off sex .... "Me too, we go off sex when we are bored or simply undervalued. | |||
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"So Firstly Thank you all but I have to now come clean. I am studying Social Psychology and created a post on here to study gender responses to a certain scenario whereby a person was suffering with lack of sex in their relationship. I was focussed on the perspectives of stereotyping and status in relationships from a minimum of three groups, regardless of their sexual orientation, namely Males, Females and Couples. I was curious to see how varied the responses were to a scenario where one person in a relationship was claiming to be unhappy, focussing on the partners lack of interaction sexually, I think I have enough information to write my report and would like to again Thank you for the passionate responses. I must clarify that I will only be looking at how each individual responded, and not be using any names or identification in my research. Eg. Each response will only be recognised as male, female or couple, again, regardless of any sexual orientation. The account will be closed after today and I would also like to add that my girlfriend and I are very happy and have a good all round relationship, having been together for 3 years now. Once again thanks for the help. "Of course | |||
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"I read the entire thing and it was all very much 'me, me, me'. YOU want her to fuck someone else. YOU want her to go on cam. YOU want her to initiate contact. She's tried things you've asked her to and she didn't like it, stop trying to force her to do things she doesn't want to. If you were my husband i'd have turfed you out years ago. " sums it up perfectly | |||
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"i get fed up with men saying its normal for women to go off sex ....
Me too, we go off sex when we are bored or simply undervalued. "It IS very normal for women to go off sex!!! The main hormone which fuels libido is testosterone, and most men will have ten times more of this chemical in their bodies than women. What's more, women also produce a hormones called progesterone and estrogen. The incorrect balance of these two can wipe a woman's libido out entirely - and this can easily happen. If you chat to close male friends, they will often lament about the lack of sex from his woman. It's normal! If you chat to female friends, most will not be aware of any issue... Or some will complain that "he's forever wanting it". Our culture doesn't help either. Women are under so much pressure regarding sexuality. Atleast, that's my opinion anyway. | |||
"So Firstly Thank you all but I have to now come clean. I am studying Social Psychology and created a post on here to study gender responses to a certain scenario whereby a person was suffering with lack of sex in their relationship. I was focussed on the perspectives of stereotyping and status in relationships from a minimum of three groups, regardless of their sexual orientation, namely Males, Females and Couples. I was curious to see how varied the responses were to a scenario where one person in a relationship was claiming to be unhappy, focussing on the partners lack of interaction sexually, I think I have enough information to write my report and would like to again Thank you for the passionate responses. I must clarify that I will only be looking at how each individual responded, and not be using any names or identification in my research. Eg. Each response will only be recognised as male, female or couple, again, regardless of any sexual orientation. The account will be closed after today and I would also like to add that my girlfriend and I are very happy and have a good all round relationship, having been together for 3 years now. Once again thanks for the help. "what a bellend | |||
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"That was the most epic backtrack I’ve ever seen! " Pretty amusing  | |||
"Lol a student of Sydney Universtity " That made me giggle lol but on a serious note really the amount of shit that comes out of a blokes mouth is unreal x | |||
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"So Update……. Where do I begin? I could tell you that I love my wife of over 20 years dearly. I could tell you that I find her so attractive and sexy. I could tell you that our sex life is poor and almost non existent. I could tell you that we have spoken about it over the years and I have explained that it needs to improve. I could tell you that she has acknowledged this and every time we speak about it she promises to improve and try harder. I could tell you that I have a high sex drive and for 95% of our time together (over 20yrs) I have spent most of it wanking off to porn due to no sexual contact from my wife. I’ve been married to my wife for 25 years. During that time I’ve been happy with everything except for our sex life. I could tell you that I don’t want to leave my wife as I still love her. I could tell you that everything is perfect except for our sex life. Would it surprise you to know that everything I posted above is 100% true. I am fed up of now listening to my wife agree to try and add a spark into our sex life and try new things only to fail every time. She just does not bother and Never initiates anything. We tell each other we love each other but nothing ever happens. For over two years now, after so many failed attempts to get her to be more forward, and join in some fun with me online, with others on cam or in chat rooms, I have had enough. There have been so many promises made by her to try and not one has been kept. I am so frustrated with it all and am fast approaching the half century mark with nothing to show for over 20 years of marriage, in terms of a physical relationship. I can’t do it anymore. There is only so much porn you can watch but in the end you still feel empty inside, but I still wake up daily, keeping the secret from everyone and smiling as if everything is ok, when I am unhappy inside. She agreed to post a few photos as I said, she was beautiful and many people would comment on her sexy figure. The comments did come, but there was no improvement from her, although she did say she liked the comments. That was it. I suggested she join me on cam and she did a few times, going topless and wanking me off onto her tits. The guys gave her some lovely comments but nothing changed after those 2 occassions. I told her I had a cuckold fantasy and she agreed to role play it with me with other guys. After agreeing everything, she did not initiate anything, and no cam session has been arranged. I arranged one with her agreement and it fell through for one excuse after another. 2 years have passed since we first spoke about doing it now. My intention was to get us to have some fun and for her to feel good about herself, in the knowledge that people found her attractive. I had over the years, prepared special meals, taken her on weekend breaks away, bought her some sexy underwear etc, but nothing seemed to work. I have shared so much with her regarding my sexual desires and everything has fallen on deaf ears. She has agreed to try, but never follows through. I spoke a while back to her that maybe she should have some fun with someone and I could watch. Maybe that would spice things up. I’m not the jealous type and hoped some attention from other guys would make her feel sexy. She was happy to agree to going on cam with me but would never meet anyone else, worrying about what people would say and would it be safe to do. I posted some stories and she said she understood how I felt when she read them. But nothing changed in our sex life. On the rare occasions we would get close, I would always ensure she had fun and would spend time on her, more often that not making her cum. That was a big turn on for me. But asking for something back was always the case for me. Sometimes I was so desperate for attention I would ask her for a handjob, but it didn’t feel right as it felt that I was begging for some sexual contact. So here I am sharing the intimate parts of my life, having been married for over 20 years in a good marriage that is however Sexless. And I can honestly say I have had enough. Obviously I could share more intimate and intricate details on me initiating things, arranging romantic events, always putting her first but hope you can understand, that this has been one way traffic from day one. I am on here typing this and am realising that my wife just does not have it in her to initiate anything to do with sex. She will never do anything without me initiating it with her. She will never consider any fantasy role play and act it out. She will never consider having a hotwife scenario and having fun with another guy, or indeed have a threesome. She wouldn’t even consider a sexy massage from another guy, even though when we had her pictures on here, there would be regular messages from guys saying they would love to have fun with her. I told her, I would love her to have some fun sexually with another guy and be pleasured, but she declined. I don’t want to be destined to stay lonely sexually all the rest of my life. I had hoped for my wife to be adventurous. I had hoped for us to have a great sex life. I had hoped for her to initiate sexual contact. I had hoped that she would be vocal and show she was having a great time. I guess I won’t see it EVER! I am now at a loss and will have to consider options. I will not leave her, but I do want my own sex life to improve. She tells me she loves me but never shows me. Any ideas or suggestions would be welcome. " omg you love your wife thats amazing    | |||
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"Hmm...it must have been a long study, since noticed before deleting his profile, he had been on here for over a year. J" I thought the same, and the rude responses definitely weren't from someone doing a study | |||
"i get fed up with men saying its normal for women to go off sex ....
Me too, we go off sex when we are bored or simply undervalued.
It IS very normal for women to go off sex!!! The main hormone which fuels libido is testosterone, and most men will have ten times more of this chemical in their bodies than women.
What's more, women also produce a hormones called progesterone and estrogen. The incorrect balance of these two can wipe a woman's libido out entirely - and this can easily happen.
If you chat to close male friends, they will often lament about the lack of sex from his woman. It's normal!
If you chat to female friends, most will not be aware of any issue... Or some will complain that "he's forever wanting it".
Our culture doesn't help either. Women are under so much pressure regarding sexuality. Atleast, that's my opinion anyway."Some women go off sex. Not most. Some men do as well. Listening to your male friends moaning about their sex lives is only giving you one side of the story, you don’t know why their partners aren’t giving them what they see as “enough” sex. Maybe they’re no good in bed and their partners don’t enjoy it. Maybe they don’t treat their partners very well out of the bedroom so it’s harder for them to get in the mood for sex. We really don’t just “go off” sex for no reason, but we do go off bad sex or sex with people who make us unhappy in some way. Oh, and thanks for telling us how our hormones work | |||
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