FabSwingers.com > Forums > Introductions > Looking for a Mistress
Looking for a Mistress
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"Whilst not impossible to find on here you're both more likely to find what you're after on other websites if you search for kink or fetish on google" This, and also you're gonna have to stand out from the crowd a bit because female Dommes are considerably less common than female subs, with a plethora of sub males vying for their attention. Far too many people see Dommes as kink dispensers, as opposed to being true subs (I'm not judging them being primarily dominant myself and being an awful sub when we switch). It's typically sensible to come at it from a perspective wherein you're thinking what you can offer a Domme, as opposed to looking for what they can offer you. | |||
"Whilst not impossible to find on here you're both more likely to find what you're after on other websites if you search for kink or fetish on google This, and also you're gonna have to stand out from the crowd a bit because female Dommes are considerably less common than female subs, with a plethora of sub males vying for their attention. Far too many people see Dommes as kink dispensers, as opposed to being true subs (I'm not judging them being primarily dominant myself and being an awful sub when we switch). It's typically sensible to come at it from a perspective wherein you're thinking what you can offer a Domme, as opposed to looking for what they can offer you. " Exactly. I dont advertise I'm a domme for this reason. Most subs arent true subs but pop ups from watching 50 shades, same goes for some dom/mes too. But what can you offer me that I cant get from someone else.. | |||
"Whilst not impossible to find on here you're both more likely to find what you're after on other websites if you search for kink or fetish on google This, and also you're gonna have to stand out from the crowd a bit because female Dommes are considerably less common than female subs, with a plethora of sub males vying for their attention. Far too many people see Dommes as kink dispensers, as opposed to being true subs (I'm not judging them being primarily dominant myself and being an awful sub when we switch). It's typically sensible to come at it from a perspective wherein you're thinking what you can offer a Domme, as opposed to looking for what they can offer you. Exactly. I dont advertise I'm a domme for this reason. Most subs arent true subs but pop ups from watching 50 shades, same goes for some dom/mes too. But what can you offer me that I cant get from someone else.." What can I offer? I make a mean bolognaise, that's for sure. Seriously though, I don't mean to be in any way rude here, but threads like these pop up all the time. Not so much here (or perhaps they do, but I'm new to the forums), but on FL and Reddit. You can't honestly expect anyone to jump at the chance to dedicate their time, effort, and energy into a one-sided dynamic off the back of barely a sentence from a stranger on the internet. It's really just not that easy and - honestly - that's a good thing. You want a Domme? Great stuff. Happy for you. So do thousands of other blokes, so why should a Domme be interested in you, me, or anyone else for that matter? Shockingly enough, female Dommes are first and foremost human beings, and it sort of helps to build a rapport before even considering laying out the list of kinky demands 
Apologies for sounding somewhat negative, but it's honest if nothing else. Hope that helps in the search, and good luck! | |||
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"Would any Mistresses like to take me on as a sissy sub? I really want to be slut trained. Kelly x" Best way to find a domme is through another website which others have suggested. Attend munches and other events. Unlike vanilla swinging, you have a higher chances of actually meeting and talking with kinksters through munches and kink parties. | |||
"Whilst not impossible to find on here you're both more likely to find what you're after on other websites if you search for kink or fetish on google This, and also you're gonna have to stand out from the crowd a bit because female Dommes are considerably less common than female subs, with a plethora of sub males vying for their attention. Far too many people see Dommes as kink dispensers, as opposed to being true subs (I'm not judging them being primarily dominant myself and being an awful sub when we switch). It's typically sensible to come at it from a perspective wherein you're thinking what you can offer a Domme, as opposed to looking for what they can offer you. Exactly. I dont advertise I'm a domme for this reason. Most subs arent true subs but pop ups from watching 50 shades, same goes for some dom/mes too. But what can you offer me that I cant get from someone else.. What can I offer? I make a mean bolognaise, that's for sure. Seriously though, I don't mean to be in any way rude here, but threads like these pop up all the time. Not so much here (or perhaps they do, but I'm new to the forums), but on FL and Reddit. You can't honestly expect anyone to jump at the chance to dedicate their time, effort, and energy into a one-sided dynamic off the back of barely a sentence from a stranger on the internet. It's really just not that easy and - honestly - that's a good thing. You want a Domme? Great stuff. Happy for you. So do thousands of other blokes, so why should a Domme be interested in you, me, or anyone else for that matter? Shockingly enough, female Dommes are first and foremost human beings, and it sort of helps to build a rapport before even considering laying out the list of kinky demands
Apologies for sounding somewhat negative, but it's honest if nothing else. Hope that helps in the search, and good luck! "True that. I was that guy who sends messages to dommes that I can do this and that. One fine day, I decided to just go visit a munch and take part in parties. It's surprising how responsive the dommes are once you get to talk to them in person. I was even contacted by a domme directly to serve her for an hour. So yes. First step would be to stop pestering people on internet and try meeting them in events. | |||
"Whilst not impossible to find on here you're both more likely to find what you're after on other websites if you search for kink or fetish on google This, and also you're gonna have to stand out from the crowd a bit because female Dommes are considerably less common than female subs, with a plethora of sub males vying for their attention. Far too many people see Dommes as kink dispensers, as opposed to being true subs (I'm not judging them being primarily dominant myself and being an awful sub when we switch). It's typically sensible to come at it from a perspective wherein you're thinking what you can offer a Domme, as opposed to looking for what they can offer you. Exactly. I dont advertise I'm a domme for this reason. Most subs arent true subs but pop ups from watching 50 shades, same goes for some dom/mes too. But what can you offer me that I cant get from someone else.. What can I offer? I make a mean bolognaise, that's for sure. Seriously though, I don't mean to be in any way rude here, but threads like these pop up all the time. Not so much here (or perhaps they do, but I'm new to the forums), but on FL and Reddit. You can't honestly expect anyone to jump at the chance to dedicate their time, effort, and energy into a one-sided dynamic off the back of barely a sentence from a stranger on the internet. It's really just not that easy and - honestly - that's a good thing. You want a Domme? Great stuff. Happy for you. So do thousands of other blokes, so why should a Domme be interested in you, me, or anyone else for that matter? Shockingly enough, female Dommes are first and foremost human beings, and it sort of helps to build a rapport before even considering laying out the list of kinky demands
Apologies for sounding somewhat negative, but it's honest if nothing else. Hope that helps in the search, and good luck!
True that. I was that guy who sends messages to dommes that I can do this and that. One fine day, I decided to just go visit a munch and take part in parties. It's surprising how responsive the dommes are once you get to talk to them in person. I was even contacted by a domme directly to serve her for an hour. So yes. First step would be to stop pestering people on internet and try meeting them in events."Yes absolutely! And I'm really glad it worked for you too. At the end of the day you've gotta be confident to approach real life human beans, and I for one kinda suck at it, but I'd never resort to the good old copy / pasta message on the interweb. Power to you for putting yourself out there, and I'm genuinely glad it got you somewhere. Now this next statement will shock many men, so I invite you to sit down before reading it. Dommes are women. Women are humans. Humans (typically) enjoy being treated as such (objectification is a legit kink, and I ain't shaming). It's absolutely astounding that some folks can't (or worse just don't want to) grasp that. Munches are a great start as you say, as are play events. Fab is a pretty pants place to go looking, but that's not to say there's not success to be had... I'm just offering my two cents when I say that one sentence and no profile pic ain't likely to gain much traction. | |||
" Yes absolutely! And I'm really glad it worked for you too. At the end of the day you've gotta be confident to approach real life human beans, and I for one kinda suck at it, but I'd never resort to the good old copy / pasta message on the interweb. Power to you for putting yourself out there, and I'm genuinely glad it got you somewhere. Now this next statement will shock many men, so I invite you to sit down before reading it. Dommes are women. Women are humans. Humans (typically) enjoy being treated as such (objectification is a legit kink, and I ain't shaming). It's absolutely astounding that some folks can't (or worse just don't want to) grasp that. Munches are a great start as you say, as are play events. Fab is a pretty pants place to go looking, but that's not to say there's not success to be had... I'm just offering my two cents when I say that one sentence and no profile pic ain't likely to gain much traction. " "Dommes are women. Women are humans" Adding to this. I was surprised by seeing the number of dommes who don't liked to be called "Mistress" or any other kink related terms anywhere outside D/s sessions. Apparently many of them don't liked to be addressed like that in their first message. There are also dommes who do like it. But they have mentioned clearly in their profiles that slaves should address them so and so in their messages. | |||
" Yes absolutely! And I'm really glad it worked for you too. At the end of the day you've gotta be confident to approach real life human beans, and I for one kinda suck at it, but I'd never resort to the good old copy / pasta message on the interweb. Power to you for putting yourself out there, and I'm genuinely glad it got you somewhere. Now this next statement will shock many men, so I invite you to sit down before reading it. Dommes are women. Women are humans. Humans (typically) enjoy being treated as such (objectification is a legit kink, and I ain't shaming). It's absolutely astounding that some folks can't (or worse just don't want to) grasp that. Munches are a great start as you say, as are play events. Fab is a pretty pants place to go looking, but that's not to say there's not success to be had... I'm just offering my two cents when I say that one sentence and no profile pic ain't likely to gain much traction. "Dommes are women. Women are humans" Adding to this. I was surprised by seeing the number of dommes who don't liked to be called "Mistress" or any other kink related terms anywhere outside D/s sessions. Apparently many of them don't liked to be addressed like that in their first message. There are also dommes who do like it. But they have mentioned clearly in their profiles that slaves should address them so and so in their messages." Okay so, controversial comment coming up here. Please don't bite my head off. I've found (and I've only been at this game for 4-5 years so I'm by no means an expert) that there's a few types of Domme. You've got the Findommes who - in my mind - aren't Dommes usually. They're the fetish dispensers men seek, only they've got the good sense to charge for it, and there's a lot of blokes get ripped off there too. Then you've got the lifestyle Dommes. These lovely ladies are like gold dust because they're genuinely dominant females and it all comes naturally. They'll only ever entertain the prospect of a real submissive - someone who does as they're told and is occasionally rewarded for behaving. There's genuine enjoyment had by these ladies because that's their kink. That brings me on to the final type of Domme, and in my experience the most common. You get into a relationship with a lovely lady (lucky you), express your submissive desires (clever you), and they give it a go. From here you usually find that - like anything in life - some people hate it. Others do it because their partner enjoys it, and others still find it suits them and they become a bit more like the above lifestyle Dommes. I can tell you that from what I've seen only those falling into the first category will ever ever ever ever ever want to be addressed as a Domme by some rando from the interweb. That's because bdsm is built on consent. Whilst swinger's often work on a 'no means no' basis, kinksters (should) always work on a 'yes means yes' basis. No one is your Domme or you their sub until that's been discussed and consented to. If ever a person addressed themselves as a Domme to me a first message, I'd ignore it outright, and many Dommes will ignore subs who refer to them that way initially too, because they're not. They're people who Domme those they agree to. This might seem like a game of semantics - particularly to those outside of the kink world - but it's a key distinction and usually clues you in to the intentions behind the message itself. I'm not a Domme (largely on account of having a dick and preferring to be a Dom), so I can't say for sure, but I'd wager most presumptuous males who go heavy on the 'yes Mistress' mentality are the ones less likely turn out to be decent subs. | |||
