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Fabswingers? Should be called Uncommunicativeswingers!
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By *tarman OP Man
over a year ago
Bolton |
Hi there,
I'm a 47 year old nice guy. New to swinging and have been on this site for a month or so. I seem to be getting nowhere! I've engaged with a couple of women. One was a headcase and wanted to leave her husband for me, the other just dried up. What am I doing wrong?I thought swinging was about like minded, adventurous souls seeking mutual fun. I'm not seeing much (any!) fun though. I'm sure the females on here must and should be cautious as there will be a fair few 'users' on here. That is inevitable. How do I cut through? Suggestions please... |
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I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
I would love to find a lifepartner from the scene as I want to have a swinging relationship. Casual sex has become boring as a single. Much more fun for me sharing it with someone special. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
People use this site how they want, half of the fun is finding people who's wants match your own.
Your opinion of which site someone should be on is frankly irrelevant, look to what you're doing, leave everyone else to what they're doing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
"Most" is a pretty bold statement.
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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1 month is nothing OP.
Most single guys don't get their first meet until they've been here at least six months. Some are more fortunate, others less so.
As has been said, check out the site FAQ's. They'll help you manage your expectations of the site a whole lot better.
No-one owes you a reply.
I very much doubt that you get in touch with all those takeaway outlets and other businesses that drop 'junk mail' through your door just to tell them 'Thanks but no thanks'
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I(the male of us) was on this before we meet....said it’s a bit harder as a bloke, but a bit of effort went a long way....trust me, he told me all about his adventures!!xx |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I would also say that my first time on fab it took me 7 months to meet someone and I'm not unusual in this experience, it can and does take time to find people on your wavelength.
Perhaps looking at your own expectations would be of benefit here... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly this place isn’t an instant shag central, just because there is thousands of profiles it doesn’t mean a fuck in a guaranteed event, it takes hard work most of the time, dedication and its most definitely a waiting game, couple and men I think probably have it the hardest, some couples won’t have a problem because they will swing with other couples etc but couldn’t like us are only searching for the one ‘area’ and it is taking a lot of work.
Socials are good, we are off to our first proper one at the end of the month and hopefully more after that, going to clubs are also good (not sure for men though as I have no experience lol).
Unfortunately if you want a guaranteed shag like right now, this isn’t the place to be.
Post more on the forums, get to some social events and then see what happens.
Danish x |
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Reality check.
There's at least 15 men for every woman on here. Hence men have to be special to get noticed.
The OP is an average middle aged man who can't accomodate. Other things being equal, he'll be at the bottom of the fabs pecking order.
That can be overcome if the OP has some quality that attracts women. There's nothing in his profile to suggest he has anything like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP is also clearly attached. He has his own house but can't accomodate and wants "discrete" meets.
That will put off a lot. "
That doesn't prove he's attached. Many people don't want their private lives aired around the village so want discretion. Many people don't want a stranger knowing where they live so won't accommodate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being new to it all, i have no idea what to say when messaging.
See, i don't think 'do you wanna fuck' is appropriate or appreciated. Don't get me wrong, if the shoe was on the other foot, then i would be out if the door like a scalded cat!! |
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"The OP is also clearly attached. He has his own house but can't accomodate and wants "discrete" meets.
That will put off a lot.
That doesn't prove he's attached. Many people don't want their private lives aired around the village so want discretion. Many people don't want a stranger knowing where they live so won't accommodate. "
OK. I will re phrase.
It's highly likely the OP is attached as all the tell tale signs are there.
The point is not whether he is really attached or not. The vast majority of women will believe he is because of those signs. |
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By *inxy300Woman
over a year ago
nottinghamshire |
"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed
I would love to find a lifepartner from the scene as I want to have a swinging relationship. Casual sex has become boring as a single. Much more fun for me sharing it with someone special. "
Couldnt put it better myself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP is also clearly attached. He has his own house but can't accomodate and wants "discrete" meets.
That will put off a lot.
That doesn't prove he's attached. Many people don't want their private lives aired around the village so want discretion. Many people don't want a stranger knowing where they live so won't accommodate.
OK. I will re phrase.
It's highly likely the OP is attached as all the tell tale signs are there.
The point is not whether he is really attached or not. The vast majority of women will believe he is because of those signs. "
It was my first thought. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There has to be mutual attraction as in life generally. If women are not attracted to you there's not a lot you can do about it."
Most sensible and logic answer. It really is that simple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP is also clearly attached. He has his own house but can't accomodate and wants "discrete" meets.
That will put off a lot.
That doesn't prove he's attached. Many people don't want their private lives aired around the village so want discretion. Many people don't want a stranger knowing where they live so won't accommodate. "
Take us for example we work/live in a hotel therefore we have a place it’s just not good for reputation if we started bringing a string of “guests” here. Thus the need for discretion and if/when we meet someone we probably will go to another hotel.
Doughnut |
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"The OP is also clearly attached. He has his own house but can't accomodate and wants "discrete" meets.
That will put off a lot.
That doesn't prove he's attached. Many people don't want their private lives aired around the village so want discretion. Many people don't want a stranger knowing where they live so won't accommodate.
Take us for example we work/live in a hotel therefore we have a place it’s just not good for reputation if we started bringing a string of “guests” here. Thus the need for discretion and if/when we meet someone we probably will go to another hotel.
Doughnut "
We don't accomodate as a couple either, but then we are both couples so have a scarcity value single men don't have and also there is no one going to morally disapprove of us for cheating.
The problem for single men who can't accomodate is that in many cases, they will be cheating. Obviously not all of them are, but for women who don't meet attached men, they are highly unlikely to conduct a detailed investigation as to whether a man who can't accomodate is cheating, they will just move on to a guy who can accommodate and is thus unlikely to be cheating.
Hence, it matters little if the OP is actually attached. It looks like he is and that will hamper him.
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"Being new to it all, i have no idea what to say when messaging.
See, i don't think 'do you wanna fuck' is appropriate or appreciated. Don't get me wrong, if the shoe was on the other foot, then i would be out if the door like a scalded cat!!"
Read the profile and take cues from there. What do you like about the profile, what (sexual/ swinging) interests do you think you have in common? |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
'left with single women'. I'm suprised your not knee deep in fanny!
Please don't presume you know what goes on in other people's heads.
Guess what? People are allowed not to have sex with you, maybe it's you that should go to a different site, adult work seems more like your kind of thing, you can buy a shag there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had a meet the first day I was on here, she messaged because of my username, cause she liked the band.
Hope this helps X"
Problem solved OP, just change your username to follow Tame's method. To spread your net wider, simply go for a band or singer that the most ladies like? Bearing this in mind, for instance if you call yourself "Alanis Morissette" you should be up to your apricots in quim by tomorrow teatime! 
B |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi there,
I'm a 47 year old nice guy. New to swinging and have been on this site for a month or so. I seem to be getting nowhere! I've engaged with a couple of women. One was a headcase and wanted to leave her husband for me, the other just dried up. What am I doing wrong?I thought swinging was about like minded, adventurous souls seeking mutual fun. I'm not seeing much (any!) fun though. I'm sure the females on here must and should be cautious as there will be a fair few 'users' on here. That is inevitable. How do I cut through? Suggestions please..."
you have to convince people you are a like-minded, adventurous soul seeking mutual fun... |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Hi there,
I'm a 47 year old nice guy. New to swinging and have been on this site for a month or so. I seem to be getting nowhere! I've engaged with a couple of women. One was a headcase and wanted to leave her husband for me, the other just dried up. What am I doing wrong?I thought swinging was about like minded, adventurous souls seeking mutual fun. I'm not seeing much (any!) fun though. I'm sure the females on here must and should be cautious as there will be a fair few 'users' on here. That is inevitable. How do I cut through? Suggestions please..."
This unfortunately is not the 60s 70s or 80s free love is no longer around and PEOPLE have preference or standards these days, keep trying and don't think ever lady on here is open to you at a click of a button.
No longer the days of the goldfish bowl.  |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
Stop telling me where I should be. I’m here and it suits me, and if I choose to find a partner here then that’s exactly what I will do.
V x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Erm... You had a meet shortly after you joined, I have no clue why you are complaining. A lot of single guys on here wait months or even years for their first verification.
Just repeat what you did then? And nobody owes you anything on here just because you are, as per your own description, 'a decent guy's.
Also, I'll tell you a secret, OP. Most women on here don't like guys who moan about lack of replies/meets/luck or who have an aura of entitlement just because they are on 'this kind of site'. |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
"Hi there,
I'm a 47 year old nice guy. New to swinging and have been on this site for a month or so. I seem to be getting nowhere! I've engaged with a couple of women. One was a headcase and wanted to leave her husband for me, the other just dried up. What am I doing wrong?I thought swinging was about like minded, adventurous souls seeking mutual fun. I'm not seeing much (any!) fun though. I'm sure the females on here must and should be cautious as there will be a fair few 'users' on here. That is inevitable. How do I cut through? Suggestions please..."
Personally I think because of the sheer number of single men to single women and or couples on here the cream of the crop get the fun, while those that moan and have the wrong attitude will suffer at their own hands.
I just looked at all my play meet verifications from single guys and looked at their profiles. They all had a good selection of enticing photos. And had a positive playful profile text. I think it will always be this way especially if going by just using fab. Maybe get to a social or club and let you social wit and charm shine through. Positivity and confidence is sexy |
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By *halky90Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
I have had a few couples so what you're saying is incorrect. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
Couples also get it hard ,finding doorway attraction and availability is a nightmare.
OP try a club or social maybe |
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"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed
Couples also get it hard ,finding doorway attraction and availability is a nightmare.
OP try a club or social maybe "
clubs are an issue for me due to location but its something im thinking about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice for what it is worth...
Absolute cockwombles don't declare that they are cockwombles. Saying you are a "decent guy" is a waste of time as it is only your opinion and others will decide if you are decent or not.
Any broadcasting of sexual prowess can put women off. Explain what you can offer by all means but don't brag. It is off putting. |
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"My advice for what it is worth...
Absolute cockwombles don't declare that they are cockwombles. Saying you are a "decent guy" is a waste of time as it is only your opinion and others will decide if you are decent or not.
Any broadcasting of sexual prowess can put women off. Explain what you can offer by all means but don't brag. It is off putting."
Yeah. It's a bit like "I know what soap is", which you see on profiles sometimes. I mean, that's good, do you want a gold star? But it leaves me wondering if you know what to do with it... |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
OP - two months is absolutely nothing.
The thing is - this site is a community. It’s a lovely, dysfunctional, beautiful, maddening, joyous, bonkers community.
The guys who do well on here (I’m not counting myself in that!) don’t necessarily have six packs and are hung like horses. They’re the ones who become part of the community over time and bring something to it.
Think of it as a place to make friends and hang out generally (forums, socials etc) and it’s far more likely fun stuff will eventually come your way.
It’s probably best to avoid using terms like “headcases” too. Stay positive, no matter what your opinions of certain people are. |
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The odds are loaded against single men ratio is something like 10 men to 1 F, MF and FF combined.
Scattergun approach doesn't work. Set your criteria and search. Then tailor a message that is relevant to their profile rather than a generic one size fits all. That will improve your chances but it won't happen overnight and will take time.. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
Regarding the eharmony part, most guys on fab are also on dating sites such as this to cover all bases for hookups , despite having no interest in actual dating. Why shouldn't women treat this as a dating site if they want to as well? We are here for our needs not other peoples. Many have met successfully on here for long term relationships. To the OP, people will look at a profile before replying. As you haven't asked for profile advice it can't be given. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed
People use this site how they want, half of the fun is finding people who's wants match your own.
Your opinion of which site someone should be on is frankly irrelevant, look to what you're doing, leave everyone else to what they're doing. "
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"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
I don't want a relationship.. yet struggle with guys wanting one...
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"Erm... You had a meet shortly after you joined, I have no clue why you are complaining. A lot of single guys on here wait months or even years for their first verification.
Just repeat what you did then? And nobody owes you anything on here just because you are, as per your own description, 'a decent guy's.
Also, I'll tell you a secret, OP. Most women on here don't like guys who moan about lack of replies/meets/luck or who have an aura of entitlement just because they are on 'this kind of site'. "
I'll tell you a secret.
"Most women" here don't read the forums, so they'll never see this thread.
Forum users are such a small percentage of the Fab membership, it does make me smile when I see comments like that.
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I think it's more likely that single guys who aren't getting much luck on here ,join up with the wrong frame of mind , expecting to get sex without any effort whatsoever. When they don't get what they were hoping for, they become all jaded and whiney.
I know lots of average looking single guys who get good results on here with women and couples. What they have in common is that they know how to present themselves and their profiles , they have good conversation skills, and understand that the site doesn't owe them anything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Erm... You had a meet shortly after you joined, I have no clue why you are complaining. A lot of single guys on here wait months or even years for their first verification.
Just repeat what you did then? And nobody owes you anything on here just because you are, as per your own description, 'a decent guy's.
Also, I'll tell you a secret, OP. Most women on here don't like guys who moan about lack of replies/meets/luck or who have an aura of entitlement just because they are on 'this kind of site'.
I'll tell you a secret.
"Most women" here don't read the forums, so they'll never see this thread.
Forum users are such a small percentage of the Fab membership, it does make me smile when I see comments like that.
"
That's as maybe, but a good percentage that do read the forums are women.
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"I think it's more likely that single guys who aren't getting much luck on here ,join up with the wrong frame of mind , expecting to get sex without any effort whatsoever. When they don't get what they were hoping for, they become all jaded and whiney.
I know lots of average looking single guys who get good results on here with women and couples. What they have in common is that they know how to present themselves and their profiles , they have good conversation skills, and understand that the site doesn't owe them anything."
^^^ this |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I think it's more likely that single guys who aren't getting much luck on here ,join up with the wrong frame of mind , expecting to get sex without any effort whatsoever. When they don't get what they were hoping for, they become all jaded and whiney.
I know lots of average looking single guys who get good results on here with women and couples. What they have in common is that they know how to present themselves and their profiles , they have good conversation skills, and understand that the site doesn't owe them anything.
^^^ this"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's more likely that single guys who aren't getting much luck on here ,join up with the wrong frame of mind , expecting to get sex without any effort whatsoever. When they don't get what they were hoping for, they become all jaded and whiney.
I know lots of average looking single guys who get good results on here with women and couples. What they have in common is that they know how to present themselves and their profiles , they have good conversation skills, and understand that the site doesn't owe them anything."
Nail on the head |
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"I’ve been on here 2 months and think single guys get it hard on here.
If your in a couple situation then “swinging” will work out just fine here
But single guys na , you have to try really really really hard, no couples will take you on.
So your left with single women. Most want life partners and should really be on E harmony.
Now I’ll probably get shot down for this, I have been previously ripped apart for a similar thing,
But my opinion of this site hasn’t changed"
If your opinion on the site hasn't changed why are you still here ? |
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