FabSwingers.com > Forums > Introductions > 80 - 20 rule
80 - 20 rule
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Anyone else believe this basically sums up fab and modern dating.
If your not in the top 20% of men your odds are pretty slim for the most part. Equally the top 80% of women will probably think they're too good for you if you don't meet the standard. Why should they when they can get a hot guy easily whenever they like.
Look at the profile of a hot guy and you will see they have got tons of veris from good looking girls....and you know what they're profiles are vague and generic but it doesn't seem to matter for those guy.
For the record I've actually had a few meets off here,more than ive got verified but I still feel the same.
Anyone else think 80-20 sums this place up |
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Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?"
Fair point, however as a guy sometimes you don't really have a choice in that.Trust I've put loads of effort into messaging some people and you know what odds are it will still be deleted instantl.
After a while you do start the numbers game, sending a generic message toany girls.The simple reason being you don't have the luxury of choice as a guy,women forget this and if they don't like the look of you if matters not how much effort you put into the message. |
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But then the opposite also applies create and craft individual messages to the person/people concerned and feel your heart sink as it’s deleted without response or just left unread...
Does the number game work any better or worse? The problem is females & couples get so many messages and why look at a 53 yr old dad bod man when there’s a gym fit 25 yr old messaging too - it’s all a game really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?"
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
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I delete generic messages instantly. All others I consider.
On this side of the fence I trawl through an enormous amount of garbage and find relatively little. Why add to it?
But on the original point, the idea of categorising people into how objectively attractive they are is nonsense. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
"
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part |
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"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part "
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I delete generic messages instantly. All others I consider.
On this side of the fence I trawl through an enormous amount of garbage and find relatively little. Why add to it?
But on the original point, the idea of categorising people into how objectively attractive they are is nonsense. "
It's not nonsense at all,you see it in everyday life. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you? "
Ah there we go, a minute ago it was all about putting effort in but now you're saying it's about looks |
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"I delete generic messages instantly. All others I consider.
On this side of the fence I trawl through an enormous amount of garbage and find relatively little. Why add to it?
But on the original point, the idea of categorising people into how objectively attractive they are is nonsense.
It's not nonsense at all,you see it in everyday life."
Do you have any evidence for this? Or, failing that, a way of objectively defining attractiveness that would apply to everyone? |
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I have to say that if we get a witty message that stands out from the usual ‘Having a good day?’ , ‘What you up to this weekend?’, then it grabs my attention and I will then take a look at the profile, the text first, then the pics. If I find all that if interest, then will reply positively, if not then will send a thanks but no thanks. Will always be polite, manners cost nothing! |
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"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you?
Ah there we go, a minute ago it was all about putting effort in but now you're saying it's about looks "
No. I'm repeating what *you* said.
If they don't like the look of you it doesn't make a difference. As if a well thought out message should be a key into a woman's knickers. Spoiler: we can choose for whatever reason we like, or a combination of them.
If my perfect man/ woman/ couple wrote to me with a generic one liner, I'd delete it. That's me. But if someone I'm not interested in wrote me a perfect message... I'd delete it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I delete generic messages instantly. All others I consider.
On this side of the fence I trawl through an enormous amount of garbage and find relatively little. Why add to it?
But on the original point, the idea of categorising people into how objectively attractive they are is nonsense.
It's not nonsense at all,you see it in everyday life.
Do you have any evidence for this? Or, failing that, a way of objectively defining attractiveness that would apply to everyone? "
Obviously it's hard to prove something which is subjective. Having said that certain people are generally considered to be objectively better looking than others. Don't pretend like at school or in work they aren't people who are considered as being hot or good looking.
As for studies there have one or two done on tinder which basically confirm that objectively hot men get considerably more matches. Thats that's not watertight research but it's fairly logical and casually observed in daily life |
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"Anyone else believe this basically sums up fab and modern dating.
If your not in the top 20% of men your odds are pretty slim for the most part. Equally the top 80% of women will probably think they're too good for you if you don't meet the standard. Why should they when they can get a hot guy easily whenever they like.
Look at the profile of a hot guy and you will see they have got tons of veris from good looking girls....and you know what they're profiles are vague and generic but it doesn't seem to matter for those guy.
For the record I've actually had a few meets off here,more than ive got verified but I still feel the same.
Anyone else think 80-20 sums this place up"
Hot guys are not the be all and end all.... in fact, if a guy is sterotypically "hot" im probably not going to be interested unless he has a personality... id also be too intimidated to meet him.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you?
Ah there we go, a minute ago it was all about putting effort in but now you're saying it's about looks
No. I'm repeating what *you* said.
If they don't like the look of you it doesn't make a difference. As if a well thought out message should be a key into a woman's knickers. Spoiler: we can choose for whatever reason we like, or a combination of them.
If my perfect man/ woman/ couple wrote to me with a generic one liner, I'd delete it. That's me. But if someone I'm not interested in wrote me a perfect message... I'd delete it. "
Which is why most men don't bother try writing the perfect message as in most cases it doesn't matter.on the flip side I've wrote lazy messages and got responses purely because they liked the way I look.
Looks are 80-90% of the game for most women,you won't convince me otherwise. |
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I'm not sure a few studies (and if you're saying matches, are you specifically talking about dating apps?) should run your life. I see all sorts of things. I take people as I find them and make my own choices. Bemoaning a system that may not even exist adds nothing, and the very idea seems to suggest that women might be a commodity to be earned. The idea is pretty offensive. |
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"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you?
Ah there we go, a minute ago it was all about putting effort in but now you're saying it's about looks
No. I'm repeating what *you* said.
If they don't like the look of you it doesn't make a difference. As if a well thought out message should be a key into a woman's knickers. Spoiler: we can choose for whatever reason we like, or a combination of them.
If my perfect man/ woman/ couple wrote to me with a generic one liner, I'd delete it. That's me. But if someone I'm not interested in wrote me a perfect message... I'd delete it.
Which is why most men don't bother try writing the perfect message as in most cases it doesn't matter.on the flip side I've wrote lazy messages and got responses purely because they liked the way I look.
Looks are 80-90% of the game for most women,you won't convince me otherwise. "
You are of course welcome to your views. I think they're misguided, unhelpful, and pernicious, and while I'm open to having my mind changed, I suspect you can't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm not sure a few studies (and if you're saying matches, are you specifically talking about dating apps?) should run your life. I see all sorts of things. I take people as I find them and make my own choices. Bemoaning a system that may not even exist adds nothing, and the very idea seems to suggest that women might be a commodity to be earned. The idea is pretty offensive. "
I wasn't talking about you individually,I'm just trying to articulate a point of view on the basis of my own personal experience. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you?
Ah there we go, a minute ago it was all about putting effort in but now you're saying it's about looks
No. I'm repeating what *you* said.
If they don't like the look of you it doesn't make a difference. As if a well thought out message should be a key into a woman's knickers. Spoiler: we can choose for whatever reason we like, or a combination of them.
If my perfect man/ woman/ couple wrote to me with a generic one liner, I'd delete it. That's me. But if someone I'm not interested in wrote me a perfect message... I'd delete it.
Which is why most men don't bother try writing the perfect message as in most cases it doesn't matter.on the flip side I've wrote lazy messages and got responses purely because they liked the way I look.
Looks are 80-90% of the game for most women,you won't convince me otherwise.
You are of course welcome to your views. I think they're misguided, unhelpful, and pernicious, and while I'm open to having my mind changed, I suspect you can't. "
You say that but you have completely shot down my arguement instantly which would actually suggest your closed minded. |
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Using yourself as a measure isn't very good, because honestly your profile doesn't stand out.
Your pictures says i am built and have nice abs. You have no obscured face picture which moves you quickly up peoples list, as it shows you are a person not just a body.
The text has no character, remember your profile is a advert for who you are, and it says I am just another guy testing the water hoping someone picks me.
Unlike the majority of guys on here you have had actual meets. If you fix the above, it will the sell itself because you are clearly putting good things in the messages. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Using yourself as a measure isn't very good, because honestly your profile doesn't stand out.
Your pictures says i am built and have nice abs. You have no obscured face picture which moves you quickly up peoples list, as it shows you are a person not just a body.
The text has no character, remember your profile is a advert for who you are, and it says I am just another guy testing the water hoping someone picks me.
Unlike the majority of guys on here you have had actual meets. If you fix the above, it will the sell itself because you are clearly putting good things in the messages. "
Honestly I'm not looking for advice, just having a conversation. I know my pros and cons and I do have face pictures I just send them privately which is fairly common practice.
I've had some.meets a d met some lovely people,I still have a certain view about things though.
|
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"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you?
Ah there we go, a minute ago it was all about putting effort in but now you're saying it's about looks
No. I'm repeating what *you* said.
If they don't like the look of you it doesn't make a difference. As if a well thought out message should be a key into a woman's knickers. Spoiler: we can choose for whatever reason we like, or a combination of them.
If my perfect man/ woman/ couple wrote to me with a generic one liner, I'd delete it. That's me. But if someone I'm not interested in wrote me a perfect message... I'd delete it.
Which is why most men don't bother try writing the perfect message as in most cases it doesn't matter.on the flip side I've wrote lazy messages and got responses purely because they liked the way I look.
Looks are 80-90% of the game for most women,you won't convince me otherwise.
You are of course welcome to your views. I think they're misguided, unhelpful, and pernicious, and while I'm open to having my mind changed, I suspect you can't.
You say that but you have completely shot down my arguement instantly which would actually suggest your closed minded."
Actually her argument to counter yours to try and make you think about your statement and your statement about women being 80%-90% considering on looks that's not for all women that might be a small subsection some women look more for personality or striking up an interesting conversation and aren't as shallow about looks. |
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"Using yourself as a measure isn't very good, because honestly your profile doesn't stand out.
Your pictures says i am built and have nice abs. You have no obscured face picture which moves you quickly up peoples list, as it shows you are a person not just a body.
The text has no character, remember your profile is a advert for who you are, and it says I am just another guy testing the water hoping someone picks me.
Unlike the majority of guys on here you have had actual meets. If you fix the above, it will the sell itself because you are clearly putting good things in the messages.
Honestly I'm not looking for advice, just having a conversation. I know my pros and cons and I do have face pictures I just send them privately which is fairly common practice.
I've had some.meets a d met some lovely people,I still have a certain view about things though.
"
This is a forum, you opened a debate, I gave you a different perspective. Attractiveness is only part of the equation, profile text, pictures, and messages are the other part.
I have seem objectively average guys on here hit 30+ meets |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you?
Ah there we go, a minute ago it was all about putting effort in but now you're saying it's about looks
No. I'm repeating what *you* said.
If they don't like the look of you it doesn't make a difference. As if a well thought out message should be a key into a woman's knickers. Spoiler: we can choose for whatever reason we like, or a combination of them.
If my perfect man/ woman/ couple wrote to me with a generic one liner, I'd delete it. That's me. But if someone I'm not interested in wrote me a perfect message... I'd delete it.
Which is why most men don't bother try writing the perfect message as in most cases it doesn't matter.on the flip side I've wrote lazy messages and got responses purely because they liked the way I look.
Looks are 80-90% of the game for most women,you won't convince me otherwise.
You are of course welcome to your views. I think they're misguided, unhelpful, and pernicious, and while I'm open to having my mind changed, I suspect you can't.
You say that but you have completely shot down my arguement instantly which would actually suggest your closed minded.
Actually her argument to counter yours to try and make you think about your statement and your statement about women being 80%-90% considering on looks that's not for all women that might be a small subsection some women look more for personality or striking up an interesting conversation and aren't as shallow about looks."
If you read my post at no point did I say "all" women think like this. If you read most posts I have uused terms such as "most" which is my honest opinion.
Just to make sure it's crystal clear at no point did I say all women are like this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Using yourself as a measure isn't very good, because honestly your profile doesn't stand out.
Your pictures says i am built and have nice abs. You have no obscured face picture which moves you quickly up peoples list, as it shows you are a person not just a body.
The text has no character, remember your profile is a advert for who you are, and it says I am just another guy testing the water hoping someone picks me.
Unlike the majority of guys on here you have had actual meets. If you fix the above, it will the sell itself because you are clearly putting good things in the messages.
Honestly I'm not looking for advice, just having a conversation. I know my pros and cons and I do have face pictures I just send them privately which is fairly common practice.
I've had some.meets a d met some lovely people,I still have a certain view about things though.
This is a forum, you opened a debate, I gave you a different perspective. Attractiveness is only part of the equation, profile text, pictures, and messages are the other part.
I have seem objectively average guys on here hit 30+ meets "
Of course there are other factors, for example if you are regularly hitting a club you will have more meets.
So for definitions sake, I am talking about meeting single young women on a one to one basis. |
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I’ve had a few meets but it was from chat and pms after an initial thought out and witty message .
I’ve had great times too but a few of the women I met said I wouldn’t be their normal choice . Although once getting to know me we got on like a house on fire .
Women rule the roost here |
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Come on now you have been here long enough, you know the ratio of single men to single woman is between 70-200 to 1 depending on region.
My original comment still stands, your overall profile needs to stand out. Young girls get the majority of messages especially when they are gym fit. You need everything in your favour.
What message would you rather open, one where the main picture is a black silhoutte, dic pick, torso, full body no face, obscure face or face?
Which profile would you rather read? One with charisma, one that sounds like the rest, one filled with typos.
Girls read alot of them, and will become picky just to save time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Using yourself as a measure isn't very good, because honestly your profile doesn't stand out.
Your pictures says i am built and have nice abs. You have no obscured face picture which moves you quickly up peoples list, as it shows you are a person not just a body.
The text has no character, remember your profile is a advert for who you are, and it says I am just another guy testing the water hoping someone picks me.
Unlike the majority of guys on here you have had actual meets. If you fix the above, it will the sell itself because you are clearly putting good things in the messages.
Honestly I'm not looking for advice, just having a conversation. I know my pros and cons and I do have face pictures I just send them privately which is fairly common practice.
I've had some.meets a d met some lovely people,I still have a certain view about things though.
This is a forum, you opened a debate, I gave you a different perspective. Attractiveness is only part of the equation, profile text, pictures, and messages are the other part.
I have seem objectively average guys on here hit 30+ meets
Of course there are other factors, for example if you are regularly hitting a club you will have more meets.
So for definitions sake, I am talking about meeting single young women on a one to one basis."
As a single young woman it’s simple, if I fancy the guy and find out conversation engaging, I’ll meet him.
Sadly it hasn’t happened just yet (apart from meeting someone I met on another site), but after 3 months on here, I have a handful of potentials & none of them have dozens of verifications.
There is no magic way to Fab or a science to it, if she likes you, she likes you. Simple. You just gotta stand out. |
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By *roticaCouple
over a year ago
Gloucestershire |
I think more men should read the profile. For example...if it says no bald men or no facial hair or no smokers then why waste everyones time messaging if you are a bald smoker with a beard...lol You are more than 80% likely to be rejected |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think more men should read the profile. For example...if it says no bald men or no facial hair or no smokers then why waste everyones time messaging if you are a bald smoker with a beard...lol You are more than 80% likely to be rejected"
rejection is almost anticipated, I think you're missing point, if you have great sexy pics you get a message, men can't read
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part "
And yet I still get mail from men desperate for a fuck. It's great!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
So you're saying women should fuck people they don't like the look of? Would you?
Ah there we go, a minute ago it was all about putting effort in but now you're saying it's about looks
No. I'm repeating what *you* said.
If they don't like the look of you it doesn't make a difference. As if a well thought out message should be a key into a woman's knickers. Spoiler: we can choose for whatever reason we like, or a combination of them.
If my perfect man/ woman/ couple wrote to me with a generic one liner, I'd delete it. That's me. But if someone I'm not interested in wrote me a perfect message... I'd delete it.
Which is why most men don't bother try writing the perfect message as in most cases it doesn't matter.on the flip side I've wrote lazy messages and got responses purely because they liked the way I look.
Looks are 80-90% of the game for most women,you won't convince me otherwise. "
I wouldn't bother writing a long mail either- most women gleefully state they delete most mails.
Looks are important to most women. It's a fact. The majority of women just ignore men with no pics on their profile. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Come on now you have been here long enough, you know the ratio of single men to single woman is between 70-200 to 1 depending on region.
My original comment still stands, your overall profile needs to stand out. Young girls get the majority of messages especially when they are gym fit. You need everything in your favour.
What message would you rather open, one where the main picture is a black silhoutte, dic pick, torso, full body no face, obscure face or face?
Which profile would you rather read? One with charisma, one that sounds like the rest, one filled with typos.
Girls read alot of them, and will become picky just to save time."
The generic profile with typos in it will easily beat a "charismatic" one if the former is better looking.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part "
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations."
There in lies the double standard of the place. Men are expected to put up pics and put in effort as we don't have the luxury of choice.
I might not WANT to put up pics for personal reasons or send face pics, however if I don't I will never ever get a response let alone a meet.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations.
There in lies the double standard of the place. Men are expected to put up pics and put in effort as we don't have the luxury of choice.
I might not WANT to put up pics for personal reasons or send face pics, however if I don't I will never ever get a response let alone a meet.
"
Men aren’t expected to do anything they don’t want to.
If you don’t want to put pictures on your profile you don’t have to, but you’ll get less replies & less success. Still, your choice.
It’s not women’s fault that there are men desperate enough on here to message silhouette profiles.
Your posts come across bitter, as if you’re entitled to get a meet because you have a couple of pictures up. It takes more than that, you don’t speak for all women, if any on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
OP, I'm sorry, but through all your posts your age shows... You are way too hang up on looks, which is quite typical for people from your generation and younger, the certain 'swipe left or right' dating app generations. Not everything is about how the person looks. I would much rather invest my time meeting someone who is not a looker but has great personality. As looks fade with time, whereas personality doesn't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations.
There in lies the double standard of the place. Men are expected to put up pics and put in effort as we don't have the luxury of choice.
I might not WANT to put up pics for personal reasons or send face pics, however if I don't I will never ever get a response let alone a meet.
Men aren’t expected to do anything they don’t want to.
If you don’t want to put pictures on your profile you don’t have to, but you’ll get less replies & less success. Still, your choice.
It’s not women’s fault that there are men desperate enough on here to message silhouette profiles.
Your posts come across bitter, as if you’re entitled to get a meet because you have a couple of pictures up. It takes more than that, you don’t speak for all women, if any on here. "
All I will say it it's very very easy to take the moral high ground from a position of strength.
Also if men judged women by the same "standard'" as women both in the looks and personality department, most women would fail miserably. So be grateful men are desperate. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP, I'm sorry, but through all your posts your age shows... You are way too hang up on looks, which is quite typical for people from your generation and younger, the certain 'swipe left or right' dating app generations. Not everything is about how the person looks. I would much rather invest my time meeting someone who is not a looker but has great personality. As looks fade with time, whereas personality doesn't. "
That's lovely in your position, but for me I'm a product of my own generation and people my own age generally are shallow. Call me bitter I don't care, anyone who's young knows how it is these days .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations.
There in lies the double standard of the place. Men are expected to put up pics and put in effort as we don't have the luxury of choice.
I might not WANT to put up pics for personal reasons or send face pics, however if I don't I will never ever get a response let alone a meet.
Men aren’t expected to do anything they don’t want to.
If you don’t want to put pictures on your profile you don’t have to, but you’ll get less replies & less success. Still, your choice.
It’s not women’s fault that there are men desperate enough on here to message silhouette profiles.
Your posts come across bitter, as if you’re entitled to get a meet because you have a couple of pictures up. It takes more than that, you don’t speak for all women, if any on here.
All I will say it it's very very easy to take the moral high ground from a position of strength.
Also if men judged women by the same "standard'" as women both in the looks and personality department, most women would fail miserably. So be grateful men are desperate."
You’re so bitter it’s quite funny.
I don’t need to be grateful men are desperate since I’m very picky and out of 100 messages I’ll probably reply to 3. Men being desperate doesn’t benefit me.
Clearly your looks & personality aren’t getting you much success on here hence the sour grapes at women, and in your opinion women go for looks only? Not doing well are we then.
Women aren’t usually attracted to men who throw their toys out of their pram because they have to put a bit of work into getting a meet.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"That's lovely in your position, but for me I'm a product of my own generation and people my own age generally are shallow. Call me bitter I don't care, anyone who's young knows how it is these days .
"
God, you're making me feel ancient... Thanks... Good luck in finding what you're looking for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP, I'm sorry, but through all your posts your age shows... You are way too hang up on looks, which is quite typical for people from your generation and younger, the certain 'swipe left or right' dating app generations. Not everything is about how the person looks. I would much rather invest my time meeting someone who is not a looker but has great personality. As looks fade with time, whereas personality doesn't. "
I wouldn’t even say it’s all of our generation, as I’m certainly not hung up on looks only.
But plenty people are.
Although, most people I’d guess have to be physically attracted to someone to want to have sex with them, but for me, they also need to have something about them.
A nice face or body isn’t going to keep you interested for long! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP, I'm sorry, but through all your posts your age shows... You are way too hang up on looks, which is quite typical for people from your generation and younger, the certain 'swipe left or right' dating app generations. Not everything is about how the person looks. I would much rather invest my time meeting someone who is not a looker but has great personality. As looks fade with time, whereas personality doesn't.
I wouldn’t even say it’s all of our generation, as I’m certainly not hung up on looks only.
But plenty people are.
Although, most people I’d guess have to be physically attracted to someone to want to have sex with them, but for me, they also need to have something about them.
A nice face or body isn’t going to keep you interested for long! "
Basically what I said with regards to most our generation being shallow but I got called bitter for it ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyone else believe this basically sums up fab and modern dating.
If your not in the top 20% of men your odds are pretty slim for the most part. Equally the top 80% of women will probably think they're too good for you if you don't meet the standard. Why should they when they can get a hot guy easily whenever they like.
Look at the profile of a hot guy and you will see they have got tons of veris from good looking girls....and you know what they're profiles are vague and generic but it doesn't seem to matter for those guy.
For the record I've actually had a few meets off here,more than ive got verified but I still feel the same.
Anyone else think 80-20 sums this place up"
You can't roll out the same logic for dating sites as Fab though. As much more women want dates leading to a relationship than guys do so men are the ones in demand in this world. Whereas with Fab being predominantly about sex it's obviously the reverse? |
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By *ngelina4uWoman
over a year ago
Camberley/Middleton |
"
For the record I've actually had a few meets off here,more than ive got verified but I still feel the same."
Ok I get your point but not this one! Unless its a double negative and you are over compensating with a fib of three.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If a guy spoke to a female how he messages them on here in a pub or club he'd get a blank .....hence men get blanks .
They message thinking there gods gift and every woman's feeling horny and will shag anything with a pulse
Upon rejection they become even ruder /offensive towards the woman .
Its nowt to do with your profile/cv.
Some write good ones some don't .
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Women in general are more selective than men which is a little sad. Knocking people for having standards does make me smile though. "
Do you think I have the luxury of being sleective lol, you really don't get it.
If men had the same luxury of choice as women, most women on here would be screwed and not in a good way.
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"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations.
There in lies the double standard of the place. Men are expected to put up pics and put in effort as we don't have the luxury of choice.
I might not WANT to put up pics for personal reasons or send face pics, however if I don't I will never ever get a response let alone a meet.
Men aren’t expected to do anything they don’t want to.
If you don’t want to put pictures on your profile you don’t have to, but you’ll get less replies & less success. Still, your choice.
It’s not women’s fault that there are men desperate enough on here to message silhouette profiles.
Your posts come across bitter, as if you’re entitled to get a meet because you have a couple of pictures up. It takes more than that, you don’t speak for all women, if any on here.
All I will say it it's very very easy to take the moral high ground from a position of strength.
Also if men judged women by the same "standard'" as women both in the looks and personality department, most women would fail miserably. So be grateful men are desperate."
Oh dear.
OP of course there has to be an attraction - the complex bit is what attraction means to the individual. If it was all about a stereotypical hot body, I could be chatting to a different man every night. But it’s not - attraction for me means someone with something between their ears. Will my eye be caught by a toned body? Absolutely. But also by a good message or profile. Just finding someone, in my eyes, physically attractive gets boring very fast unless there is more. |
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By *ilkenWoman
over a year ago
Manchester |
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations.
There in lies the double standard of the place. Men are expected to put up pics and put in effort as we don't have the luxury of choice.
I might not WANT to put up pics for personal reasons or send face pics, however if I don't I will never ever get a response let alone a meet.
Men aren’t expected to do anything they don’t want to.
If you don’t want to put pictures on your profile you don’t have to, but you’ll get less replies & less success. Still, your choice.
It’s not women’s fault that there are men desperate enough on here to message silhouette profiles.
Your posts come across bitter, as if you’re entitled to get a meet because you have a couple of pictures up. It takes more than that, you don’t speak for all women, if any on here.
All I will say it it's very very easy to take the moral high ground from a position of strength.
Also if men judged women by the same "standard'" as women both in the looks and personality department, most women would fail miserably. So be grateful men are desperate."
Bless you don't need to announce you are desperate on here it does you no favours. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations.
There in lies the double standard of the place. Men are expected to put up pics and put in effort as we don't have the luxury of choice.
I might not WANT to put up pics for personal reasons or send face pics, however if I don't I will never ever get a response let alone a meet.
Men aren’t expected to do anything they don’t want to.
If you don’t want to put pictures on your profile you don’t have to, but you’ll get less replies & less success. Still, your choice.
It’s not women’s fault that there are men desperate enough on here to message silhouette profiles.
Your posts come across bitter, as if you’re entitled to get a meet because you have a couple of pictures up. It takes more than that, you don’t speak for all women, if any on here.
All I will say it it's very very easy to take the moral high ground from a position of strength.
Also if men judged women by the same "standard'" as women both in the looks and personality department, most women would fail miserably. So be grateful men are desperate.
Bless you don't need to announce you are desperate on here it does you no favours. "
Again I'm not looking for a favour, I'm having an open and honest conversation.
Do you think if I sat here and gave a list of demands for my perfect women, both in terms of personality and appearence that person will just appear.
Even If I found said women the odds they would even talk to me are tiny.
Men are like starving beggar's on here,they will take whatever they can can get as they need to eat. Women on the other hand are wealthy well fed rich individual s who can choose if they fancy a steak or fresh lobster for dinner that evening. |
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Just popping my two cents worth in. Personally I find chemistry and attraction so interesting - I can find myself sexually attracted to someone I may not have thought I would be into at all...and none of us are perfect - but some people just feel right...or smell right... or sound right - or a combination of everything...
In saying that in order to meet to find that out - I love a good message and a pic or two just so I get get a sense of someone. I think that would work both ways regardless of male or female. A one liner or 3 word message certainly doesn’t make a good impression...I like a bit of old fashioned communication - maybe I’m showing my age!
But I am also located in Australia and the number of people using Fab is considerably less than the UK. I imagine the females in the UK are receiving a massive volume of mail so maybe it’s a case of just trying to have a life outside of Fab rather then spending so much time dealing with messages.
In my experience it’s actually quite rare to receive a message with a bit of thought put into it but also I imagine it would be disheartening to just have that deleted without getting a polite response back.
Happy Fabbing x  |
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"This thread sums fab up I’ve posted two well thought out comments and they’ve been totally ignored - just like the majority of my messages lol 
Oh don’t let that get you down! Looks like you have had some fun on fab? "
Cherry I don’t do bad I know that but in the context of this thread it’s due to putting the effort in and taking a lot of hits along the way.
Infact the fact you replied and you’re the other side of the world & you fabbed the picture of a bed shows just how hard it can be lol
Why couldn’t you be local...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Standards are subjective. Different people like different things.
One thing I've seen a lot in online dating (and Fab) is the blanket low effort approach. Send messages with no thought and barely any words (forget manners or anything like that) to every woman within a 30 mile radius. One of them has to go for me, right?
Exactly this. Put effort in, reap rewards. Put twenty percent effort in, don't expect rewards.
Honestly makes no difference if they don't like the look of you. How many women on here have absolutely nothing on their profile and one cropped picture of their boobs. Women put no effort on here for the most part
Or to keep messages down, or that they think differently to you, or that they might not WANT to put lots of pictures up for a myriad of reasons. Im looking down into what seems like a vat of sour grapes.
Fab isnt the right place to incorrectly try to address these kind of "inequalities" and really, even worse , to hypothesize motivations.
There in lies the double standard of the place. Men are expected to put up pics and put in effort as we don't have the luxury of choice.
I might not WANT to put up pics for personal reasons or send face pics, however if I don't I will never ever get a response let alone a meet.
Men aren’t expected to do anything they don’t want to.
If you don’t want to put pictures on your profile you don’t have to, but you’ll get less replies & less success. Still, your choice.
It’s not women’s fault that there are men desperate enough on here to message silhouette profiles.
Your posts come across bitter, as if you’re entitled to get a meet because you have a couple of pictures up. It takes more than that, you don’t speak for all women, if any on here.
All I will say it it's very very easy to take the moral high ground from a position of strength.
Also if men judged women by the same "standard'" as women both in the looks and personality department, most women would fail miserably. So be grateful men are desperate.
Bless you don't need to announce you are desperate on here it does you no favours. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This thread sums fab up I’ve posted two well thought out comments and they’ve been totally ignored - just like the majority of my messages lol "
They haven’t been ignored. I’m sure those of us who have replied to this thread have read your response.
Why does it need to be replied to? There’s many of times I’ve posted on a thread and my thread hasn’t been replied to, it’s not always needed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Women in general are more selective than men which is a little sad. Knocking people for having standards does make me smile though.
Do you think I have the luxury of being sleective lol, you really don't get it.
If men had the same luxury of choice as women, most women on here would be screwed and not in a good way.
"
Sure the women that have verified you will be delighted to learn you weren't selective. Never mind your earlier comment about men on here being desperate! You are not doing yourself any favours with this thread are you? If you feel it is all about looks then fair enough. Good job it's not personality as you just seems bitter. My suggestion to you is, if fab is making you feel this bad, maybe take a break from it and get out into the real world for a while |
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"This thread sums fab up I’ve posted two well thought out comments and they’ve been totally ignored - just like the majority of my messages lol
They haven’t been ignored. I’m sure those of us who have replied to this thread have read your response.
Why does it need to be replied to? There’s many of times I’ve posted on a thread and my thread hasn’t been replied to, it’s not always needed. "
Feel free to send me a message anytime - I’d always respond - why aren’t you closer to me... like within 10 miles lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Women in general are more selective than men which is a little sad. Knocking people for having standards does make me smile though.
Do you think I have the luxury of being sleective lol, you really don't get it.
If men had the same luxury of choice as women, most women on here would be screwed and not in a good way.
"
Men always have the luxury of being selective, provided they put the effort in to improve and establish themselves?
I have fun encounters with ladies I desire regularly, granted if I lowered my standards I could have one or more meets every single day as opposed to a few times a week tops, but I'd rather have delicious experiences with women I find enchanting rather than a massive amount of unrewarding straight-forward shags at any time? |
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Men have as much luxury of choice as women. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I didn't know anything about Fab when I joined and fully expected to get nowhere. If I hadn't found things I was after here I would have left. Lack of sex won't kill you. |
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"I delete generic messages instantly. All others I consider.
On this side of the fence I trawl through an enormous amount of garbage and find relatively little. Why add to it?
But on the original point, the idea of categorising people into how objectively attractive they are is nonsense.
It's not nonsense at all,you see it in everyday life."
I would disagree with this...in everyday life people are people, personality and all. |
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"I delete generic messages instantly. All others I consider.
On this side of the fence I trawl through an enormous amount of garbage and find relatively little. Why add to it?
But on the original point, the idea of categorising people into how objectively attractive they are is nonsense.
It's not nonsense at all,you see it in everyday life.
I would disagree with this...in everyday life people are people, personality and all."
Exactly. I think a lot of this sort of thing misses the point that women are people with preferences that they're free to exercise. |
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"I have to say that if we get a witty message that stands out from the usual ‘Having a good day?’ , ‘What you up to this weekend?’, then it grabs my attention and I will then take a look at the profile, the text first, then the pics. If I find all that if interest, then will reply positively, if not then will send a thanks but no thanks. Will always be polite, manners cost nothing! "
this |
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Surely it’s a combination of things that any of us choose and there has to be a trade off as it’s rare one person has all the traits you find attractive. So it’s a combo of a face which is attractive (to the person viewing it), a body the person finds attractive, a penis etc all coupled with a manner and personality that makes you want to be around them (assuming you are not looking for anonymous, conversationless sex).
Sometimes people add more weight to one or more of their desired traits, so it’s not always looks that win but it’s not always personality either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I delete generic messages instantly. All others I consider.
On this side of the fence I trawl through an enormous amount of garbage and find relatively little. Why add to it?
But on the original point, the idea of categorising people into how objectively attractive they are is nonsense.
It's not nonsense at all,you see it in everyday life.
I would disagree with this...in everyday life people are people, personality and all.
Exactly. I think a lot of this sort of thing misses the point that women are people with preferences that they're free to exercise. "
Exactly.
God forbid we only meet with guys we are attracted to, how “shallow” and “up our own arses” we must be, even though everyone else is doing the same thing.
I think some men truly believe we should do them a favour and fuck them even if we aren’t attracted to them. The entitlement on here doesn’t surprise me anymore. |
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"I delete generic messages instantly. All others I consider.
On this side of the fence I trawl through an enormous amount of garbage and find relatively little. Why add to it?
But on the original point, the idea of categorising people into how objectively attractive they are is nonsense.
It's not nonsense at all,you see it in everyday life.
I would disagree with this...in everyday life people are people, personality and all.
Exactly. I think a lot of this sort of thing misses the point that women are people with preferences that they're free to exercise.
Exactly.
God forbid we only meet with guys we are attracted to, how “shallow” and “up our own arses” we must be, even though everyone else is doing the same thing.
I think some men truly believe we should do them a favour and fuck them even if we aren’t attracted to them. The entitlement on here doesn’t surprise me anymore. "
"I did the things you asked, jumped through the hoops of basic respect and did the things I think All Women Want! Make like a good vending machine and put out!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok. So what is the holy grail of the “first message”? What should it include and say? "
There isn’t a holy grail.
If she likes you, she will reply. If she doesn’t, she probably won’t.
If anything read her profile and reference something that’s in it, so she knows you’ve read it. This always goes down well with me! |
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"Ok. So what is the holy grail of the “first message”? What should it include and say?
There isn’t a holy grail.
If she likes you, she will reply. If she doesn’t, she probably won’t.
If anything read her profile and reference something that’s in it, so she knows you’ve read it. This always goes down well with me! "
I would think most would check out a profile first before replying too which is why a well written profile is important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok. So what is the holy grail of the “first message”? What should it include and say?
There isn’t a holy grail.
If she likes you, she will reply. If she doesn’t, she probably won’t.
If anything read her profile and reference something that’s in it, so she knows you’ve read it. This always goes down well with me!
I would think most would check out a profile first before replying too which is why a well written profile is important."
Definitely! |
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By *cedGemsWoman
over a year ago
South West Wales ;-) |
"I have to say that if we get a witty message that stands out from the usual ‘Having a good day?’ , ‘What you up to this weekend?’, then it grabs my attention and I will then take a look at the profile, the text first, then the pics. If I find all that if interest, then will reply positively, if not then will send a thanks but no thanks. Will always be polite, manners cost nothing! "
Ditto Jane x |
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