FabSwingers.com > Forums > Introductions > 2 weeks in, married, is it that big a problem?
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"Been on 2 weeks now, had a couple of chats but not really moving forward. I'm married with an almost dead sex life, so it was suggested I try this, so I did.. guess I'm just really looking for some advice on how to put myself across and also asking what's the best 'ice breaker' as most messages are either deleted or no reply.. help.." Being married will put a lot of people off, but you're being honest about it. Your photos and profile are far from the worst we've seen. I'd say give it time, there's no short cut here and single men are in the majority here so there's lots of competition for you. Take your time, don't be in a hurry to meet. Build some rapport before suggesting a meet. Socials first are a good idea. Make your messages personal, inject some humour and personality and include a face pic with your message. And delete your sent mail folder regularly or it'll drive you insane. Good luck. M plus E | |||
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"Thanks for that, I'll stay positive. Cx" If you still love her and she loves you - that is so positive. Can you work on that ? | |||
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"Thanks for that, I'll stay positive. Cx" Two more tips; Use the reply and quote button and everyone will know who you're talking to. Ignore the negativity and don't rise or respond to it. | |||
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"Thanks for that, I'll stay positive. Cx Two more tips; Use the reply and quote button and everyone will know who you're talking to. Ignore the negativity and don't rise or respond to it. " Ah, that makes sense. Thanks for your advice, good tip as well as I was wondering who the replies were going to. | |||
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"Thanks for that, I'll stay positive. Cx Two more tips; Use the reply and quote button and everyone will know who you're talking to. Ignore the negativity and don't rise or respond to it. Ah, that makes sense. Thanks for your advice, good tip as well as I was wondering who the replies were going to. " Glad to have been of assistance. Enjoy your time on Fab. | |||
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"Been on 2 weeks now, had a couple of chats but not really moving forward. I'm married with an almost dead sex life, so it was suggested I try this, so I did.. guess I'm just really looking for some advice on how to put myself across and also asking what's the best 'ice breaker' as most messages are either deleted or no reply.. help.." If your wife knows you ate on here, all well and good. If not then being here will never fix your relationship with your wife... It will destroy it if she finds out...... | |||
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"You say you are a genuine honest guy..not with your wife though..." | |||
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"I doubt anyone on here is 100% honest with every person in their life." This. Stones. Cast. Sins. Etc. | |||
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"I doubt anyone on here is 100% honest with every person in their life." Maybe not...but this is supposed to be his partner ! | |||
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"I doubt anyone on here is 100% honest with every person in their life." Well I certainly am with my husband, no need to be anything else! | |||
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"Yes if you're a male. No if you're female " Who's fault is that? | |||
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"Yes if you're a male. No if you're female Who's fault is that?" Explain? To the couples and females on fab no if you're female. Yes if you're male. | |||
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"Yes if you're a male. No if you're female Who's fault is that? Explain? To the couples and females on fab no if you're female. Yes if you're male." I don't believe that. Some men will meet married ladies, some women will meet married men. I rarely see threads started by married women asking if being married is a problem whereas I've seen quite a few threads started by married men asking if being married is a problem. These threads always have a lot of negative posts but I'm pretty sure there would be just as many negative views if a married woman started such a thread. | |||
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"Yes if you're a male. No if you're female Who's fault is that? Explain? To the couples and females on fab no if you're female. Yes if you're male. I don't believe that. Some men will meet married ladies, some women will meet married men. I rarely see threads started by married women asking if being married is a problem whereas I've seen quite a few threads started by married men asking if being married is a problem. These threads always have a lot of negative posts but I'm pretty sure there would be just as many negative views if a married woman started such a thread." Ratio of men to women so it's obviously gonna be more men asking. Where as the females of the fab world are highly sought after. You know the unicorns. So why would they need to ask. I'm sure they get plenty of offers | |||
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"Yes if you're a male. No if you're female Who's fault is that? Explain? To the couples and females on fab no if you're female. Yes if you're male." I think it's No if you just get on with it without trying to justify, blame your partner or attribute your lack of success on fab to your marital status. Yes if you do justify, blame your partner and attribute your lack of success to your marital status. | |||
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"Been on 2 weeks now, had a couple of chats but not really moving forward. I'm married with an almost dead sex life, so it was suggested I try this, so I did.. guess I'm just really looking for some advice on how to put myself across and also asking what's the best 'ice breaker' as most messages are either deleted or no reply.. help.." Suggested by whom OP? | |||
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"1.Your relationship status will put many off 2. It takes most men months to arrange a meet, you have got a while to wait yet" No it doesn't I get plenty of meets ... I find being myself and taking time to read profiles and ultimately using manors and being respectful to people goes a long way here just my opinion ... good luck OP don't be put of by others negativity | |||
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"I really do, I tell her I love her, say how good she looks, buy her stunning lingerie, make her good food, she's just got a really high profile job that consumes all of her time, so always too tired or 'we'll do it tomorrow', then she falls asleep as soon as kids are in bed. We've almost had sex once this year so far so it can't be all my fault?" Replay your wedding vows to yourself. What did u promise her? | |||
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"I really do, I tell her I love her, say how good she looks, buy her stunning lingerie, make her good food, she's just got a really high profile job that consumes all of her time, so always too tired or 'we'll do it tomorrow', then she falls asleep as soon as kids are in bed. We've almost had sex once this year so far so it can't be all my fault? Replay your wedding vows to yourself. What did u promise her?" That cuts both ways. Isn't there a line in the traditional church solemnisation of marriage ceremony that goes along the lines of ' with my body I theme honour/worship'. Isn't that vowing to have sex with someone? | |||
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"Gosh I thought this was a post which said he'd been married 2 weeks and was already bored and was shagging around already...... Sorry mate I see it's not that LOL" That's exactly what I read it as lol | |||
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"Gosh I thought this was a post which said he'd been married 2 weeks and was already bored and was shagging around already...... Sorry mate I see it's not that LOL" That made me laugh | |||
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"I really do, I tell her I love her, say how good she looks, buy her stunning lingerie, make her good food, she's just got a really high profile job that consumes all of her time, so always too tired or 'we'll do it tomorrow', then she falls asleep as soon as kids are in bed. We've almost had sex once this year so far so it can't be all my fault? Replay your wedding vows to yourself. What did u promise her? That cuts both ways. Isn't there a line in the traditional church solemnisation of marriage ceremony that goes along the lines of ' with my body I theme honour/worship'. Isn't that vowing to have sex with someone?" Yes and she prob does have sex with him but not as much as he wants . All marriages have sacrifices. If you don't like them... get out | |||
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"For gods sake leave the poor guy alone with your holier than thou judgements. We're all here for different reasons. You cant put everyone into the same pigeonholes. " ^on point. We're all here for different reasons, just cause you disagree with someone's reasons doesn't mean ya'll should be threaders with him. But welcome OP, I've been on for many moons and as yet still to find a meet. My advice to get replies is be imaginative, not creepy, most of my replies come from me introducing myself and then just leaving it by asking them to check out my profile and see if I'm what they're looking for. Attaching a face picture usually marks you out from the usual 'lets fuck -attach cockpic-' messages. Hope this was of value mate and happy fabbing! | |||
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"I really do, I tell her I love her, say how good she looks, buy her stunning lingerie, make her good food, she's just got a really high profile job that consumes all of her time, so always too tired or 'we'll do it tomorrow', then she falls asleep as soon as kids are in bed. We've almost had sex once this year so far so it can't be all my fault? Replay your wedding vows to yourself. What did u promise her? That cuts both ways. Isn't there a line in the traditional church solemnisation of marriage ceremony that goes along the lines of ' with my body I theme honour/worship'. Isn't that vowing to have sex with someone?" Ah yes indeed, but of course being a man he gets all the self righteous bile people can hawk up from the back of their throats. I've always worked on the principal of someone else's business is none of mine. Some of the earlier posts, (now removed and rightly so), were disgustingly self righteous. Two pence spent. M | |||
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"Been on 2 weeks now, had a couple of chats but not really moving forward. I'm married with an almost dead sex life, so it was suggested I try this, so I did.. guess I'm just really looking for some advice on how to put myself across and also asking what's the best 'ice breaker' as most messages are either deleted or no reply.. help.." A large number of people on here, us included won't meet with those who are playing away without their partners knowledge. If your relationship really is that bad then why not consider couples counseling perhaps something more than her job is going on, maybe she is unhappy too. Either way, to answer your question yes it will reduce your chances on here, but there are also others who seek out that kind of thing so up to you what you do. And in terms of icebreakers if people aren't interested they will just delete the message it isn't considered rude on here some people get alot of messages and replying no to 99% of them could be time consuming | |||
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"For gods sake leave the poor guy alone with your holier than thou judgements. We're all here for different reasons. You cant put everyone into the same pigeonholes. ^on point. We're all here for different reasons, just cause you disagree with someone's reasons doesn't mean ya'll should be threaders with him. But welcome OP, I've been on for many moons and as yet still to find a meet. My advice to get replies is be imaginative, not creepy, most of my replies come from me introducing myself and then just leaving it by asking them to check out my profile and see if I'm what they're looking for. Attaching a face picture usually marks you out from the usual 'lets fuck -attach cockpic-' messages. Hope this was of value mate and happy fabbing!" You're in the navy aren't u? Lol | |||
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"Been on 2 weeks now, had a couple of chats but not really moving forward. I'm married with an almost dead sex life, so it was suggested I try this, so I did.. guess I'm just really looking for some advice on how to put myself across and also asking what's the best 'ice breaker' as most messages are either deleted or no reply.. help.." 2 weeks is no time fella.. If you thought you where going to jump on fab and Fuck until your willy has friction burns you couldn't be more wrong. Im.married too.. And honesty and politeness go a long way.. Been here a while now.. Chatted to some absolutely lovely ladies.. And a few not.. And have met some even more lovely ladies including one who's completely lit my fire? 'fire woman' Patience and understanding and thumping messages out mate and you'll get your rewards eventually. | |||
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"For gods sake leave the poor guy alone with your holier than thou judgements. We're all here for different reasons. You cant put everyone into the same pigeonholes. ^on point. We're all here for different reasons, just cause you disagree with someone's reasons doesn't mean ya'll should be threaders with him. But welcome OP, I've been on for many moons and as yet still to find a meet. My advice to get replies is be imaginative, not creepy, most of my replies come from me introducing myself and then just leaving it by asking them to check out my profile and see if I'm what they're looking for. Attaching a face picture usually marks you out from the usual 'lets fuck -attach cockpic-' messages. Hope this was of value mate and happy fabbing! You're in the navy aren't u? Lol" Yeah lol why | |||
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"For gods sake leave the poor guy alone with your holier than thou judgements. We're all here for different reasons. You cant put everyone into the same pigeonholes. ^on point. We're all here for different reasons, just cause you disagree with someone's reasons doesn't mean ya'll should be threaders with him. But welcome OP, I've been on for many moons and as yet still to find a meet. My advice to get replies is be imaginative, not creepy, most of my replies come from me introducing myself and then just leaving it by asking them to check out my profile and see if I'm what they're looking for. Attaching a face picture usually marks you out from the usual 'lets fuck -attach cockpic-' messages. Hope this was of value mate and happy fabbing! You're in the navy aren't u? Lol Yeah lol why " Can tell by the term "threaders" lol | |||
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"OP, never start a thread asking what people think of married people looking for sex behind their partners back " Or have 'I'm honest' in your profile when you're clearly not honest to your wife | |||
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"Oh haha! Had me worried then haha! Fair one " Don't worry I don't know u lol. I don't know any19 year old lads, u do sound older tho | |||
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"Been on 2 weeks now, had a couple of chats but not really moving forward. I'm married with an almost dead sex life, so it was suggested I try this, so I did.. guess I'm just really looking for some advice on how to put myself across and also asking what's the best 'ice breaker' as most messages are either deleted or no reply.. help.." Be honest with everyone you chat to. Some people will have an issue with it and others wont. As for an ice breaker. Reply to people who have posted ads to meet rather than just sending messages to people you like the look of. | |||
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"OP, never start a thread asking what people think of married people looking for sex behind their partners back Or have 'I'm honest' in your profile when you're clearly not honest to your wife " He's honest about being married. | |||
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"OP, never start a thread asking what people think of married people looking for sex behind their partners back Or have 'I'm honest' in your profile when you're clearly not honest to your wife He's honest about being married. " I just find it hypocritical to state it | |||
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" Back off ladies he's mine " Is he getting married to you too? | |||
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"Just had a quick read of some of the comments, I think maybe you should try walking in someone else's shoes for a while before passing judgement. This isn't a man who is a lying cheat, I've taken the time to listen to what he has to say. The situation is far from ideal and no one wants to be married to someone you love and desire to be continually rejected, I know and understand how painful that is. Sometimes one person in a relationship doesn't want that side of things anymore. There isn't unfortunately anything that can be done about that, no amount of discussion or counselling helps. The self righteous amongst us would say then get divorced but things are never that black and white in the real world. I'm glad I took the time to listen maybe others should too there is no pretence just honesty x" All good and well, but for someone that doesn't want to meet him there's nothing he can say to change that. Their right not to want to meet him for their reasons is equally as valid as his right to choose the look for sex elsewhere for his reasons The reasons for the people that don't want to meet him also aren't always as black and white as the moral police reason people automatically jump to conclusions about I generally also take what most say on here with a pinch of salt, there's honesty then there's "honesty" | |||
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"Just had a quick read of some of the comments, I think maybe you should try walking in someone else's shoes for a while before passing judgement. This isn't a man who is a lying cheat, I've taken the time to listen to what he has to say. The situation is far from ideal and no one wants to be married to someone you love and desire to be continually rejected, I know and understand how painful that is. Sometimes one person in a relationship doesn't want that side of things anymore. There isn't unfortunately anything that can be done about that, no amount of discussion or counselling helps. The self righteous amongst us would say then get divorced but things are never that black and white in the real world. I'm glad I took the time to listen maybe others should too there is no pretence just honesty x" I hear what you're saying but we have his side of the story only. It may be his honest feelings on the subject and interpretation of the situation but the other person involved has no opportunity to put her honesty forward. However it's not a problem to us who is on here and why as long as its legal. | |||
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"I really do, I tell her I love her, say how good she looks, buy her stunning lingerie, make her good food, she's just got a really high profile job that consumes all of her time, so always too tired or 'we'll do it tomorrow', then she falls asleep as soon as kids are in bed. We've almost had sex once this year so far so it can't be all my fault? Replay your wedding vows to yourself. What did u promise her? That cuts both ways. Isn't there a line in the traditional church solemnisation of marriage ceremony that goes along the lines of ' with my body I theme honour/worship'. Isn't that vowing to have sex with someone?" Nope. It's to do with love and devotion, not sex. OP, I've worked 12 hr intense shifts and still came home to fuck my ex partner into exhaustion. Graphic description but true. Point is if the desire and attraction for someone is there, they won't find excuses after excuses to NOT fuck you. They definitely wouldn't sleep with you once then not again again for months etc later. Maybe just maybe, your wife neither desires you anymore nor finds you attractive in that way anymore. It happens. She may not admit that for fear of hurting your feelings. She most likely does still love you but doesn't mean she find you sexually attractive anymore. Just a thought. | |||
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"Welcome to Fab OP where you'll get advice on how to sort your out even if all you ask is "how much is a happy meal these days?" I wish you the best if luck and make sure you treat it with the mentality of 'potentially a bit of fun' rather than 'must get laid' you'll be fine. To answer your original question yes it's completely normal to have not met someone in two weeks. Anyway I hope you have a great time here. " Ooh, since you mention it, how much is a happy meal these days? To OP's question though. As you will no doubt have gathered from the responses, you being married will bother some and won't bother others. As for the 2 week question, well that really says more about your expectations of this site. I'm afraid you'll find that 'Instashag.com' is over that-a-way (Actually, I don't even know if such a site exists) - the point is that, as I have no doubt many will tell you, this is a Swingers site, not a cheaters site. Don't confuse the two. Cheating is NOT swinging. It would appear that many have been providing advice that you haven't asked for, but I suspect they have done so with the greatest of intentions. From what you have said about your relationship with your wife, I gather that sex appears to be the only problem area - and really because she is often too tired. I really wonder if you sleeping around with other people behind your wife's back isn't asking for trouble. How do you think she'd feel about you 'getting it elsewhere?' Do you really want to put your whole marriage at risk simply for the sake of not being able to tell her how much it's bothering you? I see I've gone and done what a few others have done. I respect the fact that you haven't asked for marital guidance etc, but there's just something about how you've described your home life that is setting off the alarm bells for me and making me want to scream out 'STOP' to you. I do, of course, accept that I may be well out of line here and sticking my nose in where it doesn't concern me. Just hoping, I guess, that you'll give it a bit more thought before 'diving in' so to speak, because there's no going back afterwards. It is, of course, your life and you should do what you want. Some will meet you, some won't, but then that';s true of all of us really, single or not. | |||
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"Just had a quick read of some of the comments, I think maybe you should try walking in someone else's shoes for a while before passing judgement. This isn't a man who is a lying cheat, I've taken the time to listen to what he has to say. The situation is far from ideal and no one wants to be married to someone you love and desire to be continually rejected, I know and understand how painful that is. Sometimes one person in a relationship doesn't want that side of things anymore. There isn't unfortunately anything that can be done about that, no amount of discussion or counselling helps. The self righteous amongst us would say then get divorced but things are never that black and white in the real world. I'm glad I took the time to listen maybe others should too there is no pretence just honesty x" Well that's the story he's told u anyway lol. I don't care if the guys married or not he can do what he wants (doesn't affect my life) but so many lie about why they're doing it and lots have a perfectly normal marriage they're just greedy but lie about it lol | |||
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"Thanks for all of your valued comments, some have been taken on board, others not, one thing I can say is that there are a lot of good people on here, whether you like me or not, that's ok, I have a story to tell, and maybe it didn't come out to clearly. I've had a lot of private messages too, and through this some good conversations, and some very hot one's. I didn't mean to stir up a storm, but it's good that your opinions have been aired. Next time, I'll comment on more positive things, and join in other topics, but until then, thanks for your replies.. (so far anyway)!! x" You clearly still love your wife, imho. It's great that you cook for her and buy her nice things, as a extra can you book a baby sitter and take her out or to a spa maybe, get you both away from the general every day stuff? Also sounds like you work seven days a week, is it doable to not do weekends now and again? Good luck | |||
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"I really do, I tell her I love her, say how good she looks, buy her stunning lingerie, make her good food, she's just got a really high profile job that consumes all of her time, so always too tired or 'we'll do it tomorrow', then she falls asleep as soon as kids are in bed. We've almost had sex once this year so far so it can't be all my fault? Replay your wedding vows to yourself. What did u promise her? That cuts both ways. Isn't there a line in the traditional church solemnisation of marriage ceremony that goes along the lines of ' with my body I theme honour/worship'. Isn't that vowing to have sex with someone? Nope. It's to do with love and devotion, not sex. OP, I've worked 12 hr intense shifts and still came home to fuck my ex partner into exhaustion. Graphic description but true. Point is if the desire and attraction for someone is there, they won't find excuses after excuses to NOT fuck you. They definitely wouldn't sleep with you once then not again again for months etc later. Maybe just maybe, your wife neither desires you anymore nor finds you attractive in that way anymore. It happens. She may not admit that for fear of hurting your feelings. She most likely does still love you but doesn't mean she find you sexually attractive anymore. Just a thought." Should this have me worried. We both work such long hours that we fall asleep as our head hits the pillow ... doesn't mean we don't love each other or play away though. We do still have a relationship, but its true either party can be tired or stressed | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... " The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol " How exciting, you must come back and tell us all the details | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol How exciting, you must come back and tell us all the details" Mmmmmm it would be my pleasure I have a feeling his veri will be very easy to write | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol " they could if you're creative enough | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol How exciting, you must come back and tell us all the details Mmmmmm it would be my pleasure I have a feeling his veri will be very easy to write " I don't understand the fascination of making it a big thing here on the forums though? | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol How exciting, you must come back and tell us all the details Mmmmmm it would be my pleasure I have a feeling his veri will be very easy to write I don't understand the fascination of making it a big thing here on the forums though? " I don't either | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol they could if you're creative enough " I like your thinking but clearly not everyone will lol | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol How exciting, you must come back and tell us all the details Mmmmmm it would be my pleasure I have a feeling his veri will be very easy to write I don't understand the fascination of making it a big thing here on the forums though? " It seems a bit fake to me! Like he's writing it lol | |||
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"I think I will go buy that hat ..... The type of things we have in mind won't require a hat lol How exciting, you must come back and tell us all the details Mmmmmm it would be my pleasure I have a feeling his veri will be very easy to write I don't understand the fascination of making it a big thing here on the forums though? It seems a bit fake to me! Like he's writing it lol" | |||
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"I think the guys I know on fab will be only too happy to confirm I'm definitely not a male lol" Do they like it when you broadcast the details of your meets, though ... or even ask why you feel the need? | |||
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"I think the guys I know on fab will be only too happy to confirm I'm definitely not a male lol Do they like it when you broadcast the details of your meets, though ... or even ask why you feel the need?" Firstly I'm new and have only just started meeting. Secondly the guys I'm referring to are personal friends who I've introduced to the site. Thirdly I would never broadcast as you put it anything without consent. Fourthly you clearly haven't got the brain capacity to recognise the difference between broadcasting and some tongue in cheek antagonism which clearly seems to have worked! | |||
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"I think the guys I know on fab will be only too happy to confirm I'm definitely not a male lol" Why don't you display your verifications then?? | |||
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"I think the guys I know on fab will be only too happy to confirm I'm definitely not a male lol Do they like it when you broadcast the details of your meets, though ... or even ask why you feel the need? Firstly I'm new and have only just started meeting. Secondly the guys I'm referring to are personal friends who I've introduced to the site. Thirdly I would never broadcast as you put it anything without consent. Fourthly you clearly haven't got the brain capacity to recognise the difference between broadcasting and some tongue in cheek antagonism which clearly seems to have worked! " You think you have the monopoly on tongue in check antagonism. You are new and have introduced others. These others you have introduced will confirm you are a woman .... oh okay? What's all this about brain capacity? Unwarranted .... uncalled for .... and a bit dramatic, surely?? | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) |
"I think the guys I know on fab will be only too happy to confirm I'm definitely not a male lol Do they like it when you broadcast the details of your meets, though ... or even ask why you feel the need? Firstly I'm new and have only just started meeting. Secondly the guys I'm referring to are personal friends who I've introduced to the site. Thirdly I would never broadcast as you put it anything without consent. Fourthly you clearly haven't got the brain capacity to recognise the difference between broadcasting and some tongue in cheek antagonism which clearly seems to have worked! You think you have the monopoly on tongue in check antagonism. You are new and have introduced others. These others you have introduced will confirm you are a woman .... oh okay? What's all this about brain capacity? Unwarranted .... uncalled for .... and a bit dramatic, surely?? " Hmmmmm and that definitely doesn't apply to anything you've posted does it lol | |||
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