FabSwingers.com > Forums > Introductions > Advice? Quite nervous
Advice? Quite nervous
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Hi folks. I'm in Cornwall and I've been a member for around a year, however, I have only in the past week started " actively" using the site.
I'm a single dad ( who's wife used to beat both the children and myself ) so I've only just plucked up the courage to be active in the physical or relationship side of my life ( have been seperated nearly two years ).
Is there any advice people could offer on how best to make the most of the site and the countless wonderful people on it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks. I'm in Cornwall and I've been a member for around a year, however, I have only in the past week started " actively" using the site.
I'm a single dad ( who's wife used to beat both the children and myself ) so I've only just plucked up the courage to be active in the physical or relationship side of my life ( have been seperated nearly two years ).
Is there any advice people could offer on how best to make the most of the site and the countless wonderful people on it?"
Sorry to hear that dude but good that you're moving on. Put a meet up in the meets section or search for any local socials you could go to  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks. I'm in Cornwall and I've been a member for around a year, however, I have only in the past week started " actively" using the site.
I'm a single dad ( who's wife used to beat both the children and myself ) so I've only just plucked up the courage to be active in the physical or relationship side of my life ( have been seperated nearly two years ).
Is there any advice people could offer on how best to make the most of the site and the countless wonderful people on it?"
Be happy, care little, and don't worry.
A bad meet is tomorrow's funny story.
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First off, welcome to the forums 
As Dan has said, get yerself along to a social or club, although I'm not sure how practical that is in Bodmin? Keep posting on here and get yerself known.
I don't send preemptive messages anymore, but if you do, tailor each one to the profile you a interested in to show that you have at least read it. Don't send any cock pics, unless requested  Inject some humour, be yourself and have fun
Good luck OP |
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So far, great words of encouragement! Thanks folks!
I certainly wouldn't send 'cock' pics. I have a couple of half decent face pics ready to go if someone is nice enough to ask for them.
I have tried to put messages together which somehow prove I have read a profile.
Just being patient and I'm sure my time will come!
I really do appreciate the advice, please feel free to mention anything else which could help!
Thanks so much!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First off, welcome to the forums
As Dan has said, get yerself along to a social or club, although I'm not sure how practical that is in Bodmin? Keep posting on here and get yerself known.
I don't send preemptive messages anymore, but if you do, tailor each one to the profile you a interested in to show that you have at least read it. Don't send any cock pics, unless requested Inject some humour, be yourself and have fun
Good luck OP "
This.
And a warm welcome from me too.
Enjoy fab. |
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Thanks again- you people are so, so very kind x
UPDATE
I've been advised that I shouldn't have mentioned the wife and kids thing.
I was just being open and honest, you know, letting people know why it's taken so long to pluck up the nerve to use the site.
Unfortunately, it won't let me delete or edit the original post now, so just throwing this out to let you know that I won't mention it again.
Thanks to the lady who gave the advice, really, really appreciate it!!!x |
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It's lovely that you've found the right time for you to get actively involved here.
You will see lots of feedback that it's tough for single guys, so don't take slow progress personally. As ShagTonight says, you need patience.
The advice about socials is spot on. You're already doing the right thing with personalizing messages for the recipients.
As long as your profile is as good as it can be, you get out to meet others and use the forums, you're doing well. Don't pressure yourself or be critical. Use fab to supplement your life and preferably your sex life too. Being over dependent until you're established isn't wise either.
Look out for supportive, kind and warm people here - there are plenty.
Good luck! |
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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire Moorlands |
Hi and welcome to fab, I hope you find what you are looking for. I would suggest that you lose the last bit of your profile, I certainly wouldn't respond to your demand to put a certain thing in my message! If I wanted to message you, I would message you saying what I wanted to say, not what you told me to!
Good luck  |
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Thanks again. I put the thing in my profile as I have seen similar elsewhere...people seem to prefer people to prove they have read a profile ?
I will take it off. Thanks so much for the kindness and support!!!
Everyone is so helpful !! |
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"Thanks again- you people are so, so very kind x
UPDATE
I've been advised that I shouldn't have mentioned the wife and kids thing.
I was just being open and honest, you know, letting people know why it's taken so long to pluck up the nerve to use the site.
Unfortunately, it won't let me delete or edit the original post now, so just throwing this out to let you know that I won't mention it again.
Thanks to the lady who gave the advice, really, really appreciate it!!!x"
I dont agree with this. Plenty of women mention that they've been in abusive relationships and its part of you and your life and explains your reticence and nervousness just dont use it to try and get sympathy meets......which you clearly won't.
Anyway, welcome join in on here and if you can get to a social it might ease you in gently. |
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"Thanks again- you people are so, so very kind x
UPDATE
I've been advised that I shouldn't have mentioned the wife and kids thing.
I was just being open and honest, you know, letting people know why it's taken so long to pluck up the nerve to use the site.
Unfortunately, it won't let me delete or edit the original post now, so just throwing this out to let you know that I won't mention it again.
Thanks to the lady who gave the advice, really, really appreciate it!!!x"
Nah mate that is rubbish. You are free to talk about your life and your past as you wish and no one need tell you what you ought or ought not say.
Enjoy Fab and good luck. It is a minefield for single guys. Our best advice would be to grow a thick skin and when you receive criticism, first ask yourself if you think the criticism is valid before trying to change. Everyone on here has a totally different outlook on life and everyone acts as if their outlook is so obviously the common and correct one. Stand by your own decisions until such time as you genuinely think you would benefit from changing.
Don't let the bastards grind you down. |
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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago
Staffordshire Moorlands |
"Thanks again. I put the thing in my profile as I have seen similar elsewhere...people seem to prefer people to prove they have read a profile ?
I will take it off. Thanks so much for the kindness and support!!!
Everyone is so helpful !!"
You're very welcome....I would message you if I lived closer!  |
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Patience Patience Patience needed on fab as all good things come to those that wait
And make sure you don't put all your eggs in one basket by becoming addicted to fab(easily done)
Get out into your local community pubs, shops etc as there are plenty of nice women looking for fun and probably better odds of a meet than on fab
Enjoy
|
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"Thanks again. I put the thing in my profile as I have seen similar elsewhere...people seem to prefer people to prove they have read a profile ?
I will take it off. Thanks so much for the kindness and support!!!
Everyone is so helpful !!
You're very welcome....I would message you if I lived closer! "
Ah, that's far too Kind!x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"First off, welcome to the forums
As Dan has said, get yerself along to a social or club, although I'm not sure how practical that is in Bodmin? Keep posting on here and get yerself known.
I don't send preemptive messages anymore, but if you do, tailor each one to the profile you a interested in to show that you have at least read it. Don't send any cock pics, unless requested Inject some humour, be yourself and have fun
Good luck OP "
Exactly this - be relevant, original and funny! |
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"First off, welcome to the forums
As Dan has said, get yerself along to a social or club, although I'm not sure how practical that is in Bodmin? Keep posting on here and get yerself known.
I don't send preemptive messages anymore, but if you do, tailor each one to the profile you a interested in to show that you have at least read it. Don't send any cock pics, unless requested Inject some humour, be yourself and have fun
Good luck OP "
|
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"It's lovely that you've found the right time for you to get actively involved here.
You will see lots of feedback that it's tough for single guys, so don't take slow progress personally. As ShagTonight says, you need patience.
The advice about socials is spot on. You're already doing the right thing with personalizing messages for the recipients.
As long as your profile is as good as it can be, you get out to meet others and use the forums, you're doing well. Don't pressure yourself or be critical. Use fab to supplement your life and preferably your sex life too. Being over dependent until you're established isn't wise either.
Look out for supportive, kind and warm people here - there are plenty.
Good luck! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a lovely thread xxxx all the best OP
I'm surprised just how " nice " people are in this community. Really nice xx"
People are nice to people who are nice.
You come across as a decent guy, open and genuine.
You've taken advice, listened and replied in the spirit it was intended.
If you'd come across as unwilling to listen, unwilling to accept advice and been an angry argumentative so and so you'd have got a very different series of replies.
Top marks to you, I said it earlier, I think you'll fit right in here.
I hope the negativity of the past is behind you and that Fab makes you smile.
Have fun!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks again- you people are so, so very kind x
UPDATE
I've been advised that I shouldn't have mentioned the wife and kids thing.
I was just being open and honest, you know, letting people know why it's taken so long to pluck up the nerve to use the site.
Unfortunately, it won't let me delete or edit the original post now, so just throwing this out to let you know that I won't mention it again.
Thanks to the lady who gave the advice, really, really appreciate it!!!x"
Honesty is good! We are honest about us x |
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Just one thing - on your page you say you have a face pic which you will share - but you've got a face pic there already? Might make someone think the face pic shown is not really you, if you see what I mean. |
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"Just one thing - on your page you say you have a face pic which you will share - but you've got a face pic there already? Might make someone think the face pic shown is not really you, if you see what I mean."
That was for " face pic Friday", another forum post. I'm going to friends only it now! Just happy to play that game in the spirit it were meant.
Thanks again people, you are enigmatic, decent people! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Welcome to Fab your in safe hands with the Fab massive lol
Lots of great advice...
Being yourself is all you can do I like the honesty in the forum D&L xx |
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You sound like a genuine honest person who has had a troubled time which you appear to have overcome which is amazing. I'm going to be devils advocate here and ask you a question. Is this really the site for you? There are great people on here but it can also be very harsh in the cold light of day. You appear to have a good soul which appears to have been taken advantage of in the past. Perhaps a dating site might be more appropriate? Meaningless sex is fun but if your after something deeper you may, not always need to look elsewhere x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You sound like a genuine honest person who has had a troubled time which you appear to have overcome which is amazing. I'm going to be devils advocate here and ask you a question. Is this really the site for you? There are great people on here but it can also be very harsh in the cold light of day. You appear to have a good soul which appears to have been taken advantage of in the past. Perhaps a dating site might be more appropriate? Meaningless sex is fun but if your after something deeper you may, not always need to look elsewhere x"
Very true you need thick skin to be on Fabs it's a predators game. most of the people are not cold hearted it's just simple fact that if you get 20 message's a day most of them cock shot's saying you want to fuck... Or just hi!! It becomes very old very quick so even the nicest people have to be harsh at time's. But you can build great friendships if you can get you foot in the door LOL..xx |
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I have wondered about dating again, but I don't know if I can handle the possible trauma of it? ( as an example, if my children accepts a new lady in my life, grow to 'love' her then, somehow through damnedest bad fortune, we somehow fall apart?) What would that do to them? ( especially my son who has autism )
That's my thinking there.
I'm not one of these people who can put others through that ( even considering the lady here who would end up fond of the children ) for, effectively, no one's gain or benefit but my own?
I'm not making any sense here am I?
Maybe I was just brought up all wrong and I'm some kind of freak, eh? Maybe that ISN'T how I should be thinking? |
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"What a lovely thread xxxx all the best OP
I'm surprised just how " nice " people are in this community. Really nice xx"
Don't be fooled there are some prize prats in the community just the same as in real life |
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"I have wondered about dating again, but I don't know if I can handle the possible trauma of it? ( as an example, if my children accepts a new lady in my life, grow to 'love' her then, somehow through damnedest bad fortune, we somehow fall apart?) What would that do to them? ( especially my son who has autism )
That's my thinking there.
I'm not one of these people who can put others through that ( even considering the lady here who would end up fond of the children ) for, effectively, no one's gain or benefit but my own?
I'm not making any sense here am I?
Maybe I was just brought up all wrong and I'm some kind of freak, eh? Maybe that ISN'T how I should be thinking?"
Personally i would have chat to a few women on here first get to know them have fun. Only if you feel love for them and they feel the same only then introduce them to your son that will save alot of heartache for you both. Dont blame you thinking like that after how your ex treated you both. |
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"I have wondered about dating again, but I don't know if I can handle the possible trauma of it? ( as an example, if my children accepts a new lady in my life, grow to 'love' her then, somehow through damnedest bad fortune, we somehow fall apart?) What would that do to them? ( especially my son who has autism )
That's my thinking there.
I'm not one of these people who can put others through that ( even considering the lady here who would end up fond of the children ) for, effectively, no one's gain or benefit but my own?
I'm not making any sense here am I?
Maybe I was just brought up all wrong and I'm some kind of freak, eh? Maybe that ISN'T how I should be thinking?"
I think that you might be over thinking every thing and looking at the worst outcome.
Step back, get yourself on an even keel and if you feel you're emotionally strong enough for it indulge yourself with some nsa sex. However if you're even slightly vulnerable it would be easy to mistake the closeness and momentary intimacy of sex for something more especially if the other person was warm, kind and friendly.
People on this thread have been kind but as others have said that isn't always true they can be harsh, intolerant and downright nasty.
Stick around, observe, learn and toughen your armour |
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This advice is just flowing thick and fast! Thanks so much. The advice about when to let my son and daughter meet someone is just priceless and, as for " toughening my armour" that is really great advice !
Thanks everyone, truly!x |
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I was going to have a break from giving advice - and so I did - it lasted about 2 hours...
Bodmin...firstly, be grateful when they get that end bit sorted on the A30 I was stuck there for ages in summer. You might have to travel as population wise, there's not going to be that many swingers in your low population density area, look in the meets section and do all you can to get to a social - this has many benefits such as meeting fellow swingers, having a beer and a laugh, maybe a few verifications and making yourself known for future contact and invites. Join in on the chat rooms and the forums....be yourself, be patient (haha!), be respectful, read profiles, send messages tailored to the recipient, don't cut n paste, after a while revisit your profile when you know more about what you want, take loads of photos and make them a variety of shits and styles, then pick the very best from those for your profile. Look on fab as an addition to your usual social life not the be all and end all.
Most importantly, enjoy yourself. |
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"I was going to have a break from giving advice - and so I did - it lasted about 2 hours...
Bodmin...firstly, be grateful when they get that end bit sorted on the A30 I was stuck there for ages in summer. You might have to travel as population wise, there's not going to be that many swingers in your low population density area, look in the meets section and do all you can to get to a social - this has many benefits such as meeting fellow swingers, having a beer and a laugh, maybe a few verifications and making yourself known for future contact and invites. Join in on the chat rooms and the forums....be yourself, be patient (haha!), be respectful, read profiles, send messages tailored to the recipient, don't cut n paste, after a while revisit your profile when you know more about what you want, take loads of photos and make them a variety of shits and styles, then pick the very best from those for your profile. Look on fab as an addition to your usual social life not the be all and end all.
Most importantly, enjoy yourself. "
A variety of shits!? 
Steve, REALLY!!!!!!!! |
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Proof read is a good point! These "auto spell" things on phones ( I have an iPhone (or idiotPhone) ) are nothing short of useless! Ridiculous little mistakes, like 'etc' always gets replaced with 'Eric' - believe it or not, it happened as I wrote it there!
Don't get me wrong, Eric is a wonderful name but, surely, the phrase " etc" for etcetera is used quite a lot more often in everyday conversation ?
Sorry, rambling!
Right, I'm going to take the advice given since my last post and take loads of shits of myself and pick the best shits, lol!
( no offence, Brighton Steve! ) lol!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks again- you people are so, so very kind x
UPDATE
I've been advised that I shouldn't have mentioned the wife and kids thing.
I was just being open and honest, you know, letting people know why it's taken so long to pluck up the nerve to use the site.
Unfortunately, it won't let me delete or edit the original post now, so just throwing this out to let you know that I won't mention it again.
Thanks to the lady who gave the advice, really, really appreciate it!!!x
I dont agree with this. Plenty of women mention that they've been in abusive relationships and its part of you and your life and explains your reticence and nervousness just dont use it to try and get sympathy meets......which you clearly won't.
Anyway, welcome join in on here and if you can get to a social it might ease you in gently."
Got to say I agree with this reply. The most important thing is being yourself. If someone else doesn't like that then they probably weren't for you anyway. Everyone is here for one reason or another and it may or may not be a reason that other people agree with but it is your reason.
Other things I'd mention are knowing that the women are vastly outnumbered and understanding that will help you understand no replies or unread messages etc. Linked to that is patience, reading profiles and making your messages unique to those you want to contact.
It takes time but when you connect its cool  |
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"I'd just like to welcome you to Fab and to reiterate what the others are saying.
Also, just get chatting and don't push to meet until you find a connection. Good luck"
Thank you! Everyone seems so thoughtful and helpful here, I just can't stop letting you know how seriously I'm taking steps to work at these advice points. Xx |
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Talking of auto correct - if I type 'keen' into my iPhone it says 'keenfucktographer' which if you do a search for him you'll see why it's hideously embarrassing. I always type 'Id like to do that ever such a lot' these days. Join in on the lounge forum bit too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Enjoy the journey and sure you'll be fine with your openess. But do be aware some crazy folk on here also. Some great advice been given already.
Take care and best foot forward.
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I've already made some really nice "friends" on here. No meets yet ( which is not the be and end all ). People have chatted and advised, criticised, and generally been very pleasant 'company'.
They're certainly helping with my nerves, lol! |
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And yeah, and OP? Proof read before posting 