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Seducing in France

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By *ouraine OP   Couple  over a year ago

Blois, France

I wrote on the ‘Swingers' hotels or B&B’ thread started by ‘ExposedInTheSun’ of my experiences of pulling and swinging in France and got lots of messages, it seems to be a subject that interests lots of people. My Mum was due to arrive today for Xmas but like all brits, she’s banned from France so I’ve got time on my hands which gives me time to write. So here’s a bit more of an in-depth exposé of my experiences of seduction over the last twenty years here.

I want this to be inclusive, not just for couples and not just swinging, if you’re a single guy, read on, this might just help, I know it’s difficult for you. I started in France on my own for a year, then with an English wife for the next 18 years and I’ve been with my partner Emmanuelle for the last three years, she’s only recently become a swinger but is slowly getting used to the idea.

The French residents here will agree with some but not all of what I’ve written, French culture is difficult for the English to understand and it varies from region to region. Its a long post so I've separated it into chapters.

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By *ouraine OP   Couple  over a year ago

Blois, France

Chapter 1 – Pulling as a single man outside the swinging scene.

In France we have bars where you can go from say 21h00 to 23h00 then an ‘avant-boite’ from 23h00 to 01h00 and finally a ‘boite’ or ‘boite de nuit’ to give it its full name to end the evening. You already know what a bar is and your chances of pulling in one are close to zero. The ‘avant-boite’ (before-nightclub in English) is a bar which has music and you can dance, it’s much easier to ‘faire connaisance’ (get to know someone) when you can dance close to them. Alternatively, you can stand close to the bar (ideally on a corner so you can make eye contact) and smile. It’d be really good to be able to speak French, if you don’t its going to be a struggle but occasionally, you’ll find a woman who finds it cute and speaks English. The subjects you can discuss are ‘I’m from Angleterre, are you from around here?’, ‘did you do your studies here’, ‘in what subject?’. You get the idea, we’re not inviting anyone for coffee, no mention of sex, you’re interested in her as a person, ‘you’re really lucky to live in such a wonderful place’. The evening wears on and she’s still next to you, good news, ‘I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, would you like to continue chatting somewhere else?’. The British are very honest, you know what you want, so you say it, its best to be honest isn’t it? Sadly, not in France, saying you want to sleep with her will be the end of the conversation. One final thing for bars, the French will drink two drinks over the whole evening, not six so do the same, make it last.

If this all seems like hard work then, good news, someone invented the website where you swipe left or right and it works in France. My 21-year-old step daughter has an account and I’ve watched her selecting her victims on it. She gives them about three seconds before moving on to the next photo so your profile photo needs to be really good!

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By *ouraine OP   Couple  over a year ago

Blois, France

Chapter 2 – Swinging clubs

This is a swinging forum so let’s get back to where we’re comfortable. For most UK swingers it’ll be in a swinger’s club you’ll meet – we’ll do internet dating in chapter 3. A swinger’s club is a ‘club libertin’ (some people say ‘boite’ but mostly it’s a ‘club’). Swinger’s clubs are all over the place, we’ve got 7 close to where we leave around Blois and Tours. To find one then type ‘club libertin Paris’ for example into the search engine. Once you’ve found an interesting one, It’s a good idea to look at the page that says ‘Horaires et Tarifs’ (opening times and prices), expect to pay around 50€ for a couple. For the single guys, you need to see if they have a price for ‘Hommes seuls’, if they do then you know they accept single men. After that go to the page ‘Agenda’ or ‘Soirées’ that shows the theme for different dates, you’ll also see if single men are welcome – often the Saturday night is just for couples.

The dress code is changing slowly, it used to be extremely well dressed but is becoming slightly more casual, but not that casual. No trousers are allowed for women and some clubs (mostly Paris) insist on high heels ‘Talons’. Cap in the summer is much more casual as they only have a short season to make their money. Clothes are important to the French so spend lots on a shirt and wear it for several years. Note: short sleeved shirts are out of fashion. Your entrance fee often includes a ‘conso’ which is a drink each but other clubs serve unlimited soft drinks and only charge for alcohol.

Pulling or as the French say, ‘draguer’ (the French drag where the English pull) often happens on the dance floor. If you see a couple dancing close to you and both are facing the same way with the woman in front of the man then it’s a sign they want to be approached. The response to this is for you to do the same, the man holding his partner, facing the same way, the women can then touch. Many women in our lifestyle are bi, but not all. Despite this its almost always the women who touch first, its less direct than the man touching the woman. The foursome are in a line (the men need long arms), they can then sway and caress for a while but eventually someone may say ‘Voulez-vous trouver un petit coin ?’ (do you want to find a little corner?). Wahoo, you’re off to the back rooms!

Single guys, don’t worry, I’m coming back to you. Many clubs have a jacuzzi and a sauna, if so you’ll have been given a key in a little pouch when you arrived. Put the pouch on your arm so as not to lose it, the number on it is used to order drinks, you pay when you leave. The key is for the locker where you’ll find your towels and where you’ll leave your clothes. You may also find a condom in the pouch. Great news guys, meeting in the jacuzzi is easy. Just sitting near someone is a good indication that you’re interested, if they feel the same, you’ll soon know. Single guys, you need to make eye contact with the husband to make sure he’s ok and to show him respect. If they’re not interested then leave well alone, No means No in a swinger’s club.

The evening is moving on and you haven’t been lucky, now is the time to try the ‘coins câlins’ (back rooms). Some have doors that lock, if it’s locked it means the people inside don’t want to be disturbed. Other rooms have just a chain across the doorway, this means you’re not allowed in but its ok to stand by the door and watch. Some rooms are completely open and have a large bed, this might seem like a free for all but stand close to the bed and wait to be invited by the participants (just jumping in isn’t too appreciated). Lots of contacts are made amongst the watchers, the female of the couple briefly brushes the arm of the other woman with her hand, it’s unobtrusive and indicates the couple is interested.

After playing couples often sit down together for a drink and may exchange ‘pseudos’ for the website to remain in contact. Single guys, its perhaps a good idea to invite the couple to have a drink, it probably won’t be accepted, your job is done, but it’s a nice touch that will be appreciated.

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By *ouraine OP   Couple  over a year ago

Blois, France

Chapter 3 - Seducing on the French equivalent of Fab.

For couples, its pretty much the same as what you do on Fab just in French. Here’s a couple of useful words: ‘Echangiste’ full swap swinger, ‘Mélangiste’ soft swinger, ‘cote à cotisme’ two couples laying on a bed but just making love with their own partner, ‘Libertin’ a male swinger, ‘Libertine’ a female swinger.

Now for the single guys. All couples get numerous approaches from single men, even if they state on their profile ‘No single Men’, its simply annoying, don’t do it. Couples searching for a single man are overwhelmed by the number of men contacting them so you need to stand out from the rest. The first thing the couple will see is your message. If its just one word, ‘bonjour’, bonsoir, ‘ça va ?’, you’ll get no reply. If you use text shortcuts like ‘Bjr’ you’ll get blocked – serious, you can’t even take the time to write a whole word to seduce my wife? Don’t send a wink, the couple won’t even look at it. Don’t forget, 95% of the time the person reading your message is the husband, he’ll filter the messages and only show his wife the interesting ones.

Ok, so what works? You need to read their profile and craft an approach based on what the couple are looking for. Presenting yourself and asking if that fits in with what they’re after is a good approach. The couple may well now look at your profile, if you’ve no photo, its over, equally if you have a photo of your penis, your car or a woman (never understood why a single man would put a photo of a woman on his profile). A photo of you with your face showing, dressed smartly and smiling works (Yes, face showing, how many people do you know in France?, your boss won’t see it). You should also open your private album right from the start without asking the couple to open theirs. Some useful words: ‘Trio’, the couple want a single man to join them, ‘Candaulisme’ cuckolding (or stag and Vixen).

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By *ouraine OP   Couple  over a year ago

Blois, France

Chapter 4 – the private meet.

So, you’re contact on the website worked and you’ve been invited to theirs or are inviting someone to yours. The easiest is to be invited! Take a bottle of decent Champagne, yes Champagne, not Crémant, Vouvray etc. You’ll of course have condoms with you and be smartly dressed. It doesn’t matter if you’re a few minutes late but don’t be early. If the invitation is for the ‘Apero’ its just an early evening drink, snacks and sex, don’t outstay you’re welcome, the couple haven’t eaten yet. If the invitation is for an ‘apero dinatoire’ or ‘dîner’, you’re there for the whole evening and can take your time. The biggest mistake English people make is drinking too much but the cardinal sin is to serve yourself with wine at the table, that’s the hosts job not yours. The dessert is often served after the first round of ‘jambes en l’air’ (literally ‘legs in the air’).

If you invite a couple to your home then you’ll need to provide something to eat, preferably homemade, you’ll be quizzed on how you made it and what’s in it. Food is extremely important to the French and you won’t progress to the next stage without it. Single guys, this is your chance to shine, a couple of packets of crisps and peanuts won’t cut it, look up what the French eat at the apero and try to put an English twist on it. Serve a local wine, it’ll give you a talking point, the couple will be proud of what’s made in their region.

There are lot of private parties in France, as before, take Champagne, don’t have a drink before arriving, don’t serve yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Wow , some great advice and insights above , lets hope single guys read it better than they do some profiles ??

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By *-4pleasureCouple  over a year ago

Belfast

Very interesting read - thank you


"I wrote on the ‘Swingers' hotels or B&B’ thread started by ‘ExposedInTheSun’ of my experiences of pulling and swinging in France and got lots of messages, it seems to be a subject that interests lots of people. My Mum was due to arrive today for Xmas but like all brits, she’s banned from France so I’ve got time on my hands which gives me time to write. So here’s a bit more of an in-depth exposé of my experiences of seduction over the last twenty years here.

I want this to be inclusive, not just for couples and not just swinging, if you’re a single guy, read on, this might just help, I know it’s difficult for you. I started in France on my own for a year, then with an English wife for the next 18 years and I’ve been with my partner Emmanuelle for the last three years, she’s only recently become a swinger but is slowly getting used to the idea.

The French residents here will agree with some but not all of what I’ve written, French culture is difficult for the English to understand and it varies from region to region. Its a long post so I've separated it into chapters.

"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

7 clubs around Blois and Tours? Amazing! Been going to Fontevraud for years, never knew.

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By *antra MassageMan  over a year ago

South Side.

So interesting, thank you.

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By *ap AdgeMan  over a year ago

Wirral

Thanks much appreciated

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By *portycats2Couple  over a year ago

Central France (Dept 23) and

Thanks that was all interesting to read, it's intriguing us how many clubs could be near us now...

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By *DW1983Man  over a year ago

Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield

Interesting read, well written and informative, thank you for taking the time to write it.

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By *ebjonnsonMan  over a year ago

Maldon

Made me realise how much I miss traveling to Paris for work. Not a real frequent visitor, just a couple of times each year but I there was always a sense of flirting in the air. Far more likely to ‘catch someone’s eye’ than here in the UK. I have met some amazing women there. Last time just five years ago got chatting on the Metro, she gave me her number and we met the next evening.

Fuck COVID! Fuck Brexit! Fuck getting old!

Sorry about the last bit .

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Very interesting

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