FabSwingers.com > Forums > Fabswingers.com site feedback > PLEEEEASE!!!
PLEEEEASE!!!
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
Please can we have a compulsary 'Married/Attached/Single' selection in the personal details section of the profile.
Spring is here, the sap is rising, mail has increased, but I am wasting SOOOO much time having to ask what people's status is and go through complicated explanations. I really don't know why people cannot be upfront and put it on their profile, but they don't, they make people ask.
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
Haha, goodness, there's a damning consensus of ladies who have found men lie about it!!
There are always going to be some that set out to deceive - I am talking about the ones who are quite open, once you get into conversation, but I can't help feeling a lot of my time is being wasted finding out.
I think they would tick the married/attached box if it were there, and if not, well, they would be branding themselves a liar at the outset - hoist by their own petard! |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
Well most single women on here say they would only play with single men (even though this is a swingers site ) so they would have to be an idiot to put Any other than Single, if they are looking for single women that is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Haha, goodness, there's a damning consensus of ladies who have found men lie about it!!
There are always going to be some that set out to deceive - I am talking about the ones who are quite open, once you get into conversation, but I can't help feeling a lot of my time is being wasted finding out.
I think they would tick the married/attached box if it were there, and if not, well, they would be branding themselves a liar at the outset - hoist by their own petard!"
totally agree. Of course some would lie but like you say. Some will admit it after a few messages. Once the feel they have chatted enough that the lady will not care so much . Having a tick box would let you know that as well as been attached they lie as well. So gives you 2 reasons to say no. |
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"Well most single women on here say they would only play with single men (even though this is a swingers site ) so they would have to be an idiot to put Any other than Single, if they are looking for single women that is."
I don't agree, because they will undoubtedly have to 'confess' at some stage, it's pretty obvious usually, and it really pisses women off to find out they've been lied to. |
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"Haha, goodness, there's a damning consensus of ladies who have found men lie about it!!
There are always going to be some that set out to deceive - I am talking about the ones who are quite open, once you get into conversation, but I can't help feeling a lot of my time is being wasted finding out.
I think they would tick the married/attached box if it were there, and if not, well, they would be branding themselves a liar at the outset - hoist by their own petard!"
Well I never said men in my reply, women are just as likely to lie, cheat and manipulate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the moment you have no way of knowing if I am . Single . Attached . Married. Till you read through my profile. With a tick box you would see at once . Like smoker or none smoker |
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"Haha, goodness, there's a damning consensus of ladies who have found men lie about it!!
There are always going to be some that set out to deceive - I am talking about the ones who are quite open, once you get into conversation, but I can't help feeling a lot of my time is being wasted finding out.
I think they would tick the married/attached box if it were there, and if not, well, they would be branding themselves a liar at the outset - hoist by their own petard!
Well I never said men in my reply, women are just as likely to lie, cheat and manipulate."
Oh I agree, I am sure they are - they are outside my frame of reference though, I'm only interested in meeting men so only talk to men.  |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Well most single women on here say they would only play with single men (even though this is a swingers site ) so they would have to be an idiot to put Any other than Single, if they are looking for single women that is.
I don't agree, because they will undoubtedly have to 'confess' at some stage, it's pretty obvious usually, and it really pisses women off to find out they've been lied to."
So you agree that once they say the are not single, the women will not be interested? So for a "single" man, they should just lie and keep on lying? |
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"Well most single women on here say they would only play with single men (even though this is a swingers site ) so they would have to be an idiot to put Any other than Single, if they are looking for single women that is.
I don't agree, because they will undoubtedly have to 'confess' at some stage, it's pretty obvious usually, and it really pisses women off to find out they've been lied to.
So you agree that once they say the are not single, the women will not be interested? So for a "single" man, they should just lie and keep on lying? "
No, you misunderstand me completely. Some women are perfectly happy to meet married men, but would be furious to find out they'd been lied to! And unless they are really master deceivers I don't think they can hide the fact they are attached for long, so they might as well be up front and open about it in my view, not waste their own time either.
None of the men I have talked to in the last few days tried to deceive me, I ask the question fairly early anyway, and they answered me honestly, at which point I said no thank you. I have been in a toxic marriage so I try never to judge - I just don't want to go there.
But I started to get irritated at the amount of time wasted starting so many pointless conversations. If men are outside my preferences for accommodating or height or something, I can see on their profile immediately and make the point that it is likely to be a fruitless discussion! I think the same should apply to their status in terms of partners, which is pretty important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd be up for that, but would there not have to be so many nuances that you'd need either profile text or a message discussion with them anyway? E.g. married with partner's consent, married playing away, married waiting for the divorce to come through...etc.
And based on the number of spontaneous abusive messages I get about my relationship status because of having it clearly stated on my pto file, it could be another way for people to be arseholes to each other.
If they're not telling you either on their profile or very, very early in the conversation (i.e. message 1 or 2) then there's a reason they don't want it stated up front and they probably wouldn't tick the appropriate box in the first place. |
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"I'd be up for that, but would there not have to be so many nuances that you'd need either profile text or a message discussion with them anyway? E.g. married with partner's consent, married playing away, married waiting for the divorce to come through...etc.
And based on the number of spontaneous abusive messages I get about my relationship status because of having it clearly stated on my pto file, it could be another way for people to be arseholes to each other.
If they're not telling you either on their profile or very, very early in the conversation (i.e. message 1 or 2) then there's a reason they don't want it stated up front and they probably wouldn't tick the appropriate box in the first place."
Very few actually offer the information in the first couple of messages, though to be honest I usually ask, especially if they cannot accomm.
Yes, I agree it is a complex subject, I did end up having one in-depth discussion about just that this week, with various people, and it clarified some things, for us all I believe.
I wouldn't wish abuse on anyone, I can see why some people would rather tell people in person to avoid that. And yes of course there are exceptions - like people who are separated pending divorce or whatever.
Maybe there should be just two buttons - 'properly free' or 'it's complicated'!! It would just be nice for us to have something we could see at a glance.
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"To me it sounds more like something that would be useful on a NSA sex rather than a swingers site.  "
Well, however much you dislike the fact this site is being used for nsa sex, I have a feeling the relationship status of sexual partners matters to quite a lot of swingers too! |
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"As stated above. No way to make people but the correct choice. For smoking and accommodation it's impossible to hide so makes sense for those options."
Actually no, a lot of men say they can accomm and cannot in a months of sundays, and then there are grey areas with regard to smoking too - e cigs, don't smoke on a meet, etc, etc.
Of course it would require honesty, but it's a starting point. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"To me it sounds more like something that would be useful on a NSA sex rather than a swingers site.
Well, however much you dislike the fact this site is being used for nsa sex, I have a feeling the relationship status of sexual partners matters to quite a lot of swingers too! "
Well the longer I'm on here, the more it seems as though there are 2 different groups that use this site. 1. Couples who mainly want to swap with other couples. 2. Singles who want to play with other singles. And then a smaller area (if it were a Venn diagram) that cross between the 2, couples looking for singles and singles looking for couples. Also a other group of people from both sides looking to play in groups. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"To me it sounds more like something that would be useful on a NSA sex rather than a swingers site. "
We have NSA sex on this site. Unless you are going to fall in love with the people you meet for swinging it is all no strings sex isn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be up for that, but would there not have to be so many nuances that you'd need either profile text or a message discussion with them anyway? E.g. married with partner's consent, married playing away, married waiting for the divorce to come through...etc.
And based on the number of spontaneous abusive messages I get about my relationship status because of having it clearly stated on my pto file, it could be another way for people to be arseholes to each other.
If they're not telling you either on their profile or very, very early in the conversation (i.e. message 1 or 2) then there's a reason they don't want it stated up front and they probably wouldn't tick the appropriate box in the first place.
Very few actually offer the information in the first couple of messages, though to be honest I usually ask, especially if they cannot accomm.
Yes, I agree it is a complex subject, I did end up having one in-depth discussion about just that this week, with various people, and it clarified some things, for us all I believe.
I wouldn't wish abuse on anyone, I can see why some people would rather tell people in person to avoid that. And yes of course there are exceptions - like people who are separated pending divorce or whatever.
Maybe there should be just two buttons - 'properly free' or 'it's complicated'!! It would just be nice for us to have something we could see at a glance.
"
I can understand why you'd want that (the reason I state clearly on my profile that I'm married is to avoid wasting MY time chatting to anyone who wouldn't want to meet a married woman) but if they're not offering the information upfront I think they'd just tick the single box anyway. |
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"I'd be up for that, but would there not have to be so many nuances that you'd need either profile text or a message discussion with them anyway? E.g. married with partner's consent, married playing away, married waiting for the divorce to come through...etc.
And based on the number of spontaneous abusive messages I get about my relationship status because of having it clearly stated on my pto file, it could be another way for people to be arseholes to each other.
If they're not telling you either on their profile or very, very early in the conversation (i.e. message 1 or 2) then there's a reason they don't want it stated up front and they probably wouldn't tick the appropriate box in the first place.
Very few actually offer the information in the first couple of messages, though to be honest I usually ask, especially if they cannot accomm.
Yes, I agree it is a complex subject, I did end up having one in-depth discussion about just that this week, with various people, and it clarified some things, for us all I believe.
I wouldn't wish abuse on anyone, I can see why some people would rather tell people in person to avoid that. And yes of course there are exceptions - like people who are separated pending divorce or whatever.
Maybe there should be just two buttons - 'properly free' or 'it's complicated'!! It would just be nice for us to have something we could see at a glance.
I can understand why you'd want that (the reason I state clearly on my profile that I'm married is to avoid wasting MY time chatting to anyone who wouldn't want to meet a married woman) but if they're not offering the information upfront I think they'd just tick the single box anyway. "
Possibly, though as I say that would be very likely to backfire in my opinion. My feeling with the people I have spoken to this week is it might just have encouraged them to bite the bullet and be upfront. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be up for that, but would there not have to be so many nuances that you'd need either profile text or a message discussion with them anyway? E.g. married with partner's consent, married playing away, married waiting for the divorce to come through...etc.
And based on the number of spontaneous abusive messages I get about my relationship status because of having it clearly stated on my pto file, it could be another way for people to be arseholes to each other.
If they're not telling you either on their profile or very, very early in the conversation (i.e. message 1 or 2) then there's a reason they don't want it stated up front and they probably wouldn't tick the appropriate box in the first place.
Very few actually offer the information in the first couple of messages, though to be honest I usually ask, especially if they cannot accomm.
Yes, I agree it is a complex subject, I did end up having one in-depth discussion about just that this week, with various people, and it clarified some things, for us all I believe.
I wouldn't wish abuse on anyone, I can see why some people would rather tell people in person to avoid that. And yes of course there are exceptions - like people who are separated pending divorce or whatever.
Maybe there should be just two buttons - 'properly free' or 'it's complicated'!! It would just be nice for us to have something we could see at a glance.
I can understand why you'd want that (the reason I state clearly on my profile that I'm married is to avoid wasting MY time chatting to anyone who wouldn't want to meet a married woman) but if they're not offering the information upfront I think they'd just tick the single box anyway. "
Like you have just said. You are honest and say on your profile that you are married. I won't meet married ladies. But I would have to read your profile to find out. Where as with this idea I could look and see right away that you are. Just the same as people looking to see if you are a smoker or can accommodate. You would not want to have to read someone's profile to find out if they smoke |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be up for that, but would there not have to be so many nuances that you'd need either profile text or a message discussion with them anyway? E.g. married with partner's consent, married playing away, married waiting for the divorce to come through...etc.
And based on the number of spontaneous abusive messages I get about my relationship status because of having it clearly stated on my pto file, it could be another way for people to be arseholes to each other.
If they're not telling you either on their profile or very, very early in the conversation (i.e. message 1 or 2) then there's a reason they don't want it stated up front and they probably wouldn't tick the appropriate box in the first place.
Very few actually offer the information in the first couple of messages, though to be honest I usually ask, especially if they cannot accomm.
Yes, I agree it is a complex subject, I did end up having one in-depth discussion about just that this week, with various people, and it clarified some things, for us all I believe.
I wouldn't wish abuse on anyone, I can see why some people would rather tell people in person to avoid that. And yes of course there are exceptions - like people who are separated pending divorce or whatever.
Maybe there should be just two buttons - 'properly free' or 'it's complicated'!! It would just be nice for us to have something we could see at a glance.
I can understand why you'd want that (the reason I state clearly on my profile that I'm married is to avoid wasting MY time chatting to anyone who wouldn't want to meet a married woman) but if they're not offering the information upfront I think they'd just tick the single box anyway. Like you have just said. You are honest and say on your profile that you are married. I won't meet married ladies. But I would have to read your profile to find out. Where as with this idea I could look and see right away that you are. Just the same as people looking to see if you are a smoker or can accommodate. You would not want to have to read someone's profile to find out if they smoke "
I completely agree with you. But if I'd chosen not to write it on my profile, for whatever reason, I'd probably choose not to tick the married box. Unless it was a searchable option, which relies on people being honest or else it's wholly pointless, then it doesn't take much more effort to skim the profile text vs seeing it in the attributes bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be up for that, but would there not have to be so many nuances that you'd need either profile text or a message discussion with them anyway? E.g. married with partner's consent, married playing away, married waiting for the divorce to come through...etc.
And based on the number of spontaneous abusive messages I get about my relationship status because of having it clearly stated on my pto file, it could be another way for people to be arseholes to each other.
If they're not telling you either on their profile or very, very early in the conversation (i.e. message 1 or 2) then there's a reason they don't want it stated up front and they probably wouldn't tick the appropriate box in the first place.
Very few actually offer the information in the first couple of messages, though to be honest I usually ask, especially if they cannot accomm.
Yes, I agree it is a complex subject, I did end up having one in-depth discussion about just that this week, with various people, and it clarified some things, for us all I believe.
I wouldn't wish abuse on anyone, I can see why some people would rather tell people in person to avoid that. And yes of course there are exceptions - like people who are separated pending divorce or whatever.
Maybe there should be just two buttons - 'properly free' or 'it's complicated'!! It would just be nice for us to have something we could see at a glance.
I can understand why you'd want that (the reason I state clearly on my profile that I'm married is to avoid wasting MY time chatting to anyone who wouldn't want to meet a married woman) but if they're not offering the information upfront I think they'd just tick the single box anyway. Like you have just said. You are honest and say on your profile that you are married. I won't meet married ladies. But I would have to read your profile to find out. Where as with this idea I could look and see right away that you are. Just the same as people looking to see if you are a smoker or can accommodate. You would not want to have to read someone's profile to find out if they smoke
I completely agree with you. But if I'd chosen not to write it on my profile, for whatever reason, I'd probably choose not to tick the married box. "
I agree too. But. Not putting on your profile is not actually a lie. Ticking I'm single would be |
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"You are honest and say on your profile that you are married. I won't meet married ladies. But I would have to read your profile to find out. Where as with this idea I could look and see right away that you are. Just the same as people looking to see if you are a smoker or can accommodate. You would not want to have to read someone's profile to find out if they smoke "
Yup, I check one or two critical (to me) points in the details and will go no further if they are outside my preferences. It does make life easier.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i guarantee now the majority wouldnt tick the I'm married box.
people lie about allsorts of things on their profile ranging from their age, height to their pics ~ it just wouldn't have any credibility.
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"i guarantee now the majority wouldnt tick the I'm married box.
people lie about allsorts of things on their profile ranging from their age, height to their pics ~ it just wouldn't have any credibility.
"
I'm surprised you feel that, as I say the men I have spoken to this week made no attempt to conceal their status, but maybe a lot of women don't ask so they would rather avoid the issue. You think they would select single? I wonder. .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i guarantee now the majority wouldnt tick the I'm married box.
people lie about allsorts of things on their profile ranging from their age, height to their pics ~ it just wouldn't have any credibility.
I'm surprised you feel that, as I say the men I have spoken to this week made no attempt to conceal their status, but maybe a lot of women don't ask so they would rather avoid the issue. You think they would select single? I wonder. ...."
I'm just basing my opinion on what I've experienced message wise and the actual reality ~ they can be poles apart that's for sure.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As stated above. No way to make people but the correct choice. For smoking and accommodation it's impossible to hide so makes sense for those options.
Actually no, a lot of men say they can accomm and cannot in a months of sundays, and then there are grey areas with regard to smoking too - e cigs, don't smoke on a meet, etc, etc.
Of course it would require honesty, but it's a starting point. "
E cigs are still smoking in my opinion. I have offered to not smoke on meets but I'm essentially still a smoker and thus I tick the box. Sure your right and some lie.
Saying you can accom when you can't would surely be found out though i would have thought. |
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"
Saying you can accom when you can't would surely be found out though i would have thought."
Eventually! ! That's a frequent one - only after weeks of chatting you go to arrange a meet and then the flatmate never seems to leave the house when you want him to!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Saying you can accom when you can't would surely be found out though i would have thought.
Eventually! ! That's a frequent one - only after weeks of chatting you go to arrange a meet and then the flatmate never seems to leave the house when you want him to!! "
Lol some people have got some serious front clearly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Saying you can accom when you can't would surely be found out though i would have thought.
Eventually! ! That's a frequent one - only after weeks of chatting you go to arrange a meet and then the flatmate never seems to leave the house when you want him to!! "
That's the one that gets me |
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Some people wouldn't tick it (though wouldn't that be an answer in itself?) and some would probably lie, but from what I've seen there are clearly many people who would find it useful.
Interestingly, while there are those who dislike married individuals, there are also some who feel attached people offer fewer long-term complications*, so lying may not be such an issue.
It is an option on the sister site, so presumably it was once considered here, would be interesting to know why it wasn't included (server space? An assumption most people would be couples?)
Wouldn't we also need the converse though: "Looking to meet married/single etc"?
Mr ddc
*firmly puts can of worms back in the nice, pull-out larder. Unopened.
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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago
...Up on the Downs |
"Some people wouldn't tick it (though wouldn't that be an answer in itself?) and some would probably lie, but from what I've seen there are clearly many people who would find it useful.
Interestingly, while there are those who dislike married individuals, there are also some who feel attached people offer fewer long-term complications*, so lying may not be such an issue.
It is an option on the sister site, so presumably it was once considered here, would be interesting to know why it wasn't included (server space? An assumption most people would be couples?)
Wouldn't we also need the converse though: "Looking to meet married/single etc"?
Mr ddc
*firmly puts can of worms back in the nice, pull-out larder. Unopened.
"
I think more people do put what they are looking for themselves, but of course no-one takes any notice!
And though it may be very non-PC to say it, I wonder if the assumption is that the majority of swingers are actually not concerned about the martial status of nsa meets? If the lifestyle developed in a sort of 'free love' between couples era, then it wouldn't be an issue anyway I guess.
Hmm, can of worms indeed......
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like a good idea to me although agree that lots would still probably say their single and not be can't be helped I suppose and accepted. For us guys who are honest from the start I.e stating on their profile that they are in a relationship but still looking, it's a good idea nothing worse than chatting to someone for a while then when the subject of a possible meet turns up and you say you can't meet so and so a day because your girlfriends in for example they turn around and say don't meet attached guys' If only people would read your profile ffs! I'll stop blabbering on now lol but this has my vote  |
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"Haha, goodness, there's a damning consensus of ladies who have found men lie about it!!
There are always going to be some that set out to deceive - I am talking about the ones who are quite open, once you get into conversation, but I can't help feeling a lot of my time is being wasted finding out.
I think they would tick the married/attached box if it were there, and if not, well, they would be branding themselves a liar at the outset - hoist by their own petard!
"
lol men and women lie espeshily on here its a swinging site but some people think its a dating site and its there god given rite to get layed so they lie through there teeth and realymakes it bad for genuine swingers i find life easyer on the dark side but they are creeping in there slowly but eisier to spot the liars and time wasters but for every 10 theres 1 good one then we get too old and wise  |
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