FabSwingers.com > Forums > Fabswingers.com site feedback > Not interested button
Not interested button
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"Some people reply saying they’re not interested, I think it could be a good addition. " Is the lack of a reply not a big enough clue?  
We'll stick to just deleting (and possibly blocking) thanks. We literally have it in our profile text that there's no point in messaging asking if/when we want to meet as we'll make it clear when we do - yet in come another 20+ messages asking just that this weekend.
Serious question OP.
Do you reply with a 'sorry, not interested' to spam and marketing emails and junk mail that drops through your letterbox?
Because there's honestly no difference between that and a message received on here.
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"Some people reply saying they’re not interested, I think it could be a good addition. " We don't think that's a good idea. Many who do that get another message asking "why?", many get an abusive message where they get told they've gone from being sexy to a sl*g, sl*t etc. No reply is the best option. | |||
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"Some people reply saying they’re not interested, I think it could be a good addition. " So you need someone to reply to say no, we're not interested but that fact they didn't reply could be interpreted as yes, we're interested! As others said, once you start to engage it can lead to abuse and further spam It's just not worth the grief and more importantly not needed. | |||
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"Some people reply saying they’re not interested, I think it could be a good addition. We don't think that's a good idea. Many who do that get another message asking "why?", many get an abusive message where they get told they've gone from being sexy to a sl*g, sl*t etc. No reply is the best option. " They’re our favourite ones.  | |||
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"Some people reply saying they’re not interested, I think it could be a good addition. Is the lack of a reply not a big enough clue?
We'll stick to just deleting (and possibly blocking) thanks. We literally have it in our profile text that there's no point in messaging asking if/when we want to meet as we'll make it clear when we do - yet in come another 20+ messages asking just that this weekend.
Serious question OP.
Do you reply with a 'sorry, not interested' to spam and marketing emails and junk mail that drops through your letterbox?
Because there's honestly no difference between that and a message received on here.
A"Yes, I reply with that exact message when I get people cold email me at work with proposal, usually stops constant follow up emails. | |||
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"Some people reply saying they’re not interested, I think it could be a good addition. We don't think that's a good idea. Many who do that get another message asking "why?", many get an abusive message where they get told they've gone from being sexy to a sl*g, sl*t etc. No reply is the best option. " That’s a good point, I don’t see that side of things. | |||
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"Such a feature will probably lead to what a lot of people have found happens when they send a 'Thanks, but no thanks' reply and that is that they then get bombarded by messages asking why not or trying to change their minds from those who can't take 'no' for an answer. The non-reply situation has already been covered in the site FAQ's. But, seriously, ask yourself, would you really feel a whole lot better with dozens of 'Not interested' messages? " I wouldn’t mind it personally, I appreciate the not interested messages as it’s a human / personal response, but appreciate there’s another side where some could see it as engagement / option for abusive follow ups. | |||
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"To avoid people wondering if someone is interested but haven’t replied. Set a button that auto sends a message - this can be tailored but along the lines of thanking them for their interest but they’re not their type etc. I’d presume help women from being spam / chased. Similar to a job rejection "On balance, most places do not tell you your job application has been rejected. [Block] ~ Navigate Back ~ [Delete thread] 
Although a splitting the pink [Delete thread] button into one pink one and one red [Block and Delete] button would be nice. | |||
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"The default is no reply means, thanks but no thanks. " In theory I agree, however from what I’ve read from women’s posts some get 100s of emails and mass delete or simply never see your email. So you have no idea if your email was simply not seen, read, or not interested. Having a simple option to delete message with a ‘not interested’ auto response would be ideal | |||
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"The default is no reply means, thanks but no thanks. In theory I agree, however from what I’ve read from women’s posts some get 100s of emails and mass delete or simply never see your email. So you have no idea if your email was simply not seen, read, or not interested. Having a simple option to delete message with a ‘not interested’ auto response would be ideal" If you assume no unless/until you get a pleasant surprise, you might be better off. | |||
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"To avoid people wondering if someone is interested but haven’t replied. Set a button that auto sends a message - this can be tailored but along the lines of thanking them for their interest but they’re not their type etc. I’d presume help women from being spam / chased. Similar to a job rejection "I believe there used to be one. People complained. It was removed. | |||
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"To avoid people wondering if someone is interested but haven’t replied. Set a button that auto sends a message - this can be tailored but along the lines of thanking them for their interest but they’re not their type etc. I’d presume help women from being spam / chased. Similar to a job rejection
I believe there used to be one.
People complained.
It was removed.
"People will complain no matter what happens. If I'm interested I'll reply or message *shrug* | |||
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"The default is no reply means, thanks but no thanks. In theory I agree, however from what I’ve read from women’s posts some get 100s of emails and mass delete or simply never see your email. So you have no idea if your email was simply not seen, read, or not interested. Having a simple option to delete message with a ‘not interested’ auto response would be ideal If you assume no unless/until you get a pleasant surprise, you might be better off." Haha I do that already. no point getting angry about no response or even aggressive when told no (don’t get why guys do that)
I’ve genuinely had a great chat once after she sent me a ‘no thanks’ email I responded with a simple thanks for reply, no worries enjoy kind of response and sadly she was shocked in my response it sparked her to spark up a conversation
Although back on topic there is a bug where when you send an email and you go to send another email majority of times it says ‘you’ve sent an email already and not had a response’ which is great no further email sent. But in a fair few situations I have emails in sent folder yet that message doesn’t show and have had responses of ‘you’ve already messaged me’ which isn’t ideal
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"Some years back, I was a member of a site (no longer exists) that had this option. All that did was add another complaint to the forum, stating it's ignorant and how people should be more polite in their replies instead of sending the polite automated response. That was in addition to the complaints that people often don't reply, not even using the automated response. In short, those that don't reply aren't likely to reply, not even with an automated response button, I mean it's easy enough to copy and paste as such. And those that do reply with a polite no thank you, will become less polite in using the button. Unfortunately, there's no perfect answer, and so it's best to change your own perception and expectations. Send the message, forget about it unless you receive a positive response. "Agreed. I think some people - not saying anyone here - will complain about anything that isn't what they want. So any form of no, even a handwritten note delivered by a celebrity, will upset people. | |||
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"The default is no reply means, thanks but no thanks. In theory I agree, however from what I’ve read from women’s posts some get 100s of emails and mass delete or simply never see your email. So you have no idea if your email was simply not seen, read, or not interested. Having a simple option to delete message with a ‘not interested’ auto response would be ideal If you assume no unless/until you get a pleasant surprise, you might be better off. Haha I do that already. no point getting angry about no response or even aggressive when told no (don’t get why guys do that)
I’ve genuinely had a great chat once after she sent me a ‘no thanks’ email I responded with a simple thanks for reply, no worries enjoy kind of response and sadly she was shocked in my response it sparked her to spark up a conversation
Although back on topic there is a bug where when you send an email and you go to send another email majority of times it says ‘you’ve sent an email already and not had a response’ which is great no further email sent. But in a fair few situations I have emails in sent folder yet that message doesn’t show and have had responses of ‘you’ve already messaged me’ which isn’t ideal
"Do you not get the "stop, think" message? | |||
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"No not always. Sometimes it just opens new email as if I’ve never spoken to them before. Even if an email is showing in my sent inbox to that person" Could be just a bug in the system. I think this website was written in the last century. | |||
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"I always reply to say I’m not interested. This recently lead to a guy asking how many cocks I’d taken. When I said it was non of his business his reply was ‘well I’m surprised any of them could get a hard on with your disgusting stretch marked body’. Which I thought was a very petty and nasty response especially from a guy in his 40’s. It does put you off trying to be polite. A delete and block to persistent messengers seems to be the only way. " That is utterly disgusting. Some people need life lessons. | |||
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"Some years back, I was a member of a site (no longer exists) that had this option. All that did was add another complaint to the forum, stating it's ignorant and how people should be more polite in their replies instead of sending the polite automated response. That was in addition to the complaints that people often don't reply, not even using the automated response. In short, those that don't reply aren't likely to reply, not even with an automated response button, I mean it's easy enough to copy and paste as such. And those that do reply with a polite no thank you, will become less polite in using the button. Unfortunately, there's no perfect answer, and so it's best to change your own perception and expectations. Send the message, forget about it unless you receive a positive response.
Agreed.
I think some people - not saying anyone here - will complain about anything that isn't what they want. So any form of no, even a handwritten note delivered by a celebrity, will upset people."Can I have a "yes please" note from Jason Statham.   | |||
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"The default is no reply means, thanks but no thanks. " that system is not very good though, due to Mass delete. | |||
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"The default is no reply means, thanks but no thanks. that system is not very good though, due to Mass delete. " If someone chooses to mass delete then that's how they want to run their profile. If someone wants to go through and reply to every message then that's how they want to run their profile. That gives everybody the freedom of choice. You're suggesting that everybody MUST receive a reply. That limits choice and surely isn't the right way to go (which has been discussed in depth in previous replies). | |||
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"Just seen this thread - wouldn't it make the site better if a polite no was sent and if the other person is persistent, then block. " It would make these site better if when a polite no is sent, it's accepted. It would make it a better site if, when sending messages, do so with effort and have no expectations of a result. Unfortunately, there's no way of telling the response when rejecting, until the response is received, and sometimes that response is damn right nasty. Yes it can be reported, but it can also be hurtful. Hence why many choose to protect themselves by but replying. Rather than ask why people don't reply, and expect they should. We should be asking, why people respond so harshly, and expecting changes in their behaviour. That will result in more responses of No Thank You, and then everyone is happy, because not only are they not getting that meet, they've been told no thank you. | |||
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"Just seen this thread - wouldn't it make the site better if a polite no was sent and if the other person is persistent, then block. " Have you not read the posts above that state the grief some people receive? Why does that make the site better. If everybody has the de facto understanding that no reply means not interested; it's simple and sending a reply doesn't necessarily make thing better for everyone. Refer to the replies above; when people have tried to say no nicely only to be bombarded with abuse. If you are at the receiving end of that by the time you block the damage has been done. | |||
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"Just seen this thread - wouldn't it make the site better if a polite no was sent and if the other person is persistent, then block. " No. It increases the level of abuse | |||
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"Serious question OP. Do you reply with a 'sorry, not interested' to spam and marketing emails and junk mail that drops through your letterbox? Because there's honestly no difference between that and a message received on here. A" Trying to draw a parallel with spam emails and marketing letters is a false argument - because their is no parallel. Firstly, relying to marketing letters in the post would require the purchase of postage stamps. Therefore there is a cost implication. The same cannot be said for replying on Fab, because that is free. Secondly, marketing is usually completed across a blanket area. A whole estate of 300 houses would all get the same marketing letter offering block paving, including those who live in apartment buildings with no outside space of their own. There is no filtration. Again, the same cannot be said for profiles on Fab. By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle. Therefore BESPOKE (not generic) messages sent to you are for this purpose - asking whether you wish to explore with the sender. Consider your question with a different example. You are part of a Whatsapp group for buying and selling ornamental teapots. You know some people in the group, others you don't. One of the unknowns contacts you with "Hi, I noticed you're interested in limited edition Star Wars teapots. I have an R2D2 one for sale, are you interested?" Would you ignore this bespoke message, regarding something which you're interested in, and has been sent you directly? | |||
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"Serious question OP. Do you reply with a 'sorry, not interested' to spam and marketing emails and junk mail that drops through your letterbox? Because there's honestly no difference between that and a message received on here. A Trying to draw a parallel with spam emails and marketing letters is a false argument - because their is no parallel. Firstly, relying to marketing letters in the post would require the purchase of postage stamps. Therefore there is a cost implication. The same cannot be said for replying on Fab, because that is free. Secondly, marketing is usually completed across a blanket area. A whole estate of 300 houses would all get the same marketing letter offering block paving, including those who live in apartment buildings with no outside space of their own. There is no filtration. Again, the same cannot be said for profiles on Fab. By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle. Therefore BESPOKE (not generic) messages sent to you are for this purpose - asking whether you wish to explore with the sender. Consider your question with a different example. You are part of a Whatsapp group for buying and selling ornamental teapots. You know some people in the group, others you don't. One of the unknowns contacts you with "Hi, I noticed you're interested in limited edition Star Wars teapots. I have an R2D2 one for sale, are you interested?" Would you ignore this bespoke message, regarding something which you're interested in, and has been sent you directly? " Yes, "hey guys ur missus is gawgus" messages I get (when my filters allow it) are clearly bespoke | |||
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"How about we have everyone who signs up, read the faq before they’re allowed to interact with anyone else That way everyone is on the same page and knows the site rules It only takes a few mins and would save so much upset " | |||
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"? Yes, "hey guys ur missus is gawgus" messages I get (when my filters allow it) are clearly bespoke "And for those people, there are already two buttons. They are called 'Delete' and 'Block'... They can be used individually, or in conjunction with each other. | |||
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"General question which hopefully won’t get me blocked… But web hosting doesn’t cost that much, for those that do pay is there a view of what that money actually goes towards? As the what it unlocks is marginal vs site development. Agree very old site architecture, to do anything would be better to re-build from scratch" Lots of people say that. Not one has ever gone off and built their own site. Funny that.......
It's just a mechanism to make contact. It doesn't need bells, whistles and fireworks, nor a swipe left/right system or anything seen elsewhere.
Fab has survived longer than most because it does what it says on the tin. It doesn't rely on gimmicks that are there to give the impression their use will increase meets.
It's simple, functional and works.
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"Serious question OP. Do you reply with a 'sorry, not interested' to spam and marketing emails and junk mail that drops through your letterbox? Because there's honestly no difference between that and a message received on here. A Trying to draw a parallel with spam emails and marketing letters is a false argument - because their is no parallel. Firstly, relying to marketing letters in the post would require the purchase of postage stamps. Therefore there is a cost implication. The same cannot be said for replying on Fab, because that is free. Secondly, marketing is usually completed across a blanket area. A whole estate of 300 houses would all get the same marketing letter offering block paving, including those who live in apartment buildings with no outside space of their own. There is no filtration. Again, the same cannot be said for profiles on Fab. By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle. Therefore BESPOKE (not generic) messages sent to you are for this purpose - asking whether you wish to explore with the sender. Consider your question with a different example. You are part of a Whatsapp group for buying and selling ornamental teapots. You know some people in the group, others you don't. One of the unknowns contacts you with "Hi, I noticed you're interested in limited edition Star Wars teapots. I have an R2D2 one for sale, are you interested?" Would you ignore this bespoke message, regarding something which you're interested in, and has been sent you directly? " It's not a false argument at all. Many join fab and send out cut and paste messages to anyone of a certain gender and age. Many send individual messages to people when they've clearly not bothered to check for compatibility at all. Just because people are on a swinging site does not mean they're all here for the same thing at all. That is a fundamental error in thought and one of the reasons some struggle so much on here. Nobody is looking for anything 'by default'. The analogy fits and is a perfectly reasonable comparison. Your WhatsApp analogy would work if you filtered down a specific segment of the Fab population, say single women looking for VWE black guys or 50-60 year old men looking for 20-30 year old BBW's. But the message filters don't allow such tight parameters even if you used all available options in the advanced search function. If you could whittle down incoming messages so tightly then of course you'd be unlikely to ignore any, because they'd be relevant, from people you're more likely to be interested in. But you can't. So there's no comparison with your fictitious WhatsApp group I'm afraid. The simple fact is that you never know if you're what someone is looking for. You may be the right sex, the right height/body shape, the right age, in the right location and the right sexuality with similar interests ticked. But all that means nothing if there's one thing that puts someone off or something in particular you're lacking that cannot be gauged by the search parameters available. So yes, messages are just like unwanted spam/junk marketing in that the sender has no guarantee or advanced knowledge that the recipient will be at all interested in them or the content of any communications. So each any every message sent has the potential to be viewed the same as junk mail. A | |||
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"Many join fab and send out cut and paste messages to anyone of a certain gender and age. Many send individual messages to people when they've clearly not bothered to check for compatibility at all." Neither of these examples fit the definition of BESPOKE. They would come under the definition of genetic and I already covered that in my previous comment. "Just because people are on a swinging site does not mean they're all here for the same thing at all...Nobody is looking for anything 'by default'. " . Nowhere in my comment does it suggest everyone on here is looking for the same thing. I wrote "By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle". People can experience the swinger lifestyle in many ways. Including remote interaction, without meeting others.However, the terms of the site are very clear... ***10.11 Any Content that you publish must be only for the purposes of meeting or interacting with other Members and must not be published through our platform for any other reason*** Therefore my comment stands. A note to anyone who is going to suggest 'No Reply = No Interest" is also in the site rules. This is NOT the case. It's mentioned in the guidance (FAQ) section. Guidance and rules are very different. "The analogy fits and is a perfectly reasonable comparison. " This is your opinion. I disagree. "Your WhatsApp analogy would work if you filtered down a specific segment of the Fab population, say single women looking for VWE black guys or 50-60 year old men looking for 20-30 year old BBW's. But the message filters don't allow such tight parameters even if you used all available options in the advanced search function. If you could whittle down incoming messages so tightly then of course you'd be unlikely to ignore any, because they'd be relevant, from people you're more likely to be interested in. But you can't. " Exactly. So an automatic reply button to indicate 'Not interested' will save everyone time in the future. "The simple fact is that you never know if you're what someone is looking for. You may be the right sex, the right height/body shape, the right age, in the right location and the right sexuality with similar interests ticked. But all that means nothing if there's one thing that puts someone off or something in particular you're lacking that cannot be gauged by the search parameters available." Again, I agree. So a 'Not Interested' automatic reply is even more important in the circumstances. | |||
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"The default is no reply means, thanks but no thanks. that system is not very good though, due to Mass delete. If someone chooses to mass delete then that's how they want to run their profile. If someone wants to go through and reply to every message then that's how they want to run their profile. That gives everybody the freedom of choice. You're suggesting that everybody MUST receive a reply. That limits choice and surely isn't the right way to go (which has been discussed in depth in previous replies)." No i am not. i have seen this many time on profiles So many messages had to mass delete, message again if interested. So unread delted messages can indicate a mass deletion. Hutnit hard to remember who has done this or not. A not interested button woukd sort that. or, if people blocked the people they arent interested in, which i do. | |||
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"The default is no reply means, thanks but no thanks. that system is not very good though, due to Mass delete. If someone chooses to mass delete then that's how they want to run their profile. If someone wants to go through and reply to every message then that's how they want to run their profile. That gives everybody the freedom of choice. You're suggesting that everybody MUST receive a reply. That limits choice and surely isn't the right way to go (which has been discussed in depth in previous replies). No i am not. i have seen this many time on profiles So many messages had to mass delete, message again if interested. So unread delted messages can indicate a mass deletion. Hutnit hard to remember who has done this or not. A not interested button woukd sort that. or, if people blocked the people they arent interested in, which i do." Or you could simply move on and not repeatedly hit the same profiles, if they wanted you, they’d find you. The fact of someone happening to use the same site as you doesn’t mean they’re here for the same, it means this is a versatile site for lots of different people Be less entitled to others time, it’s pushy af and not ok | |||
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"If you subsequently filter that particular group of people, it gets around your filter as they've had a message from you..." My filters have been set to "no" for over three years and people still get through because I was "polite" five years ago. ugh | |||
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"If you subsequently filter that particular group of people, it gets around your filter as they've had a message from you... My filters have been set to "no" for over three years and people still get through because I was "polite" five years ago. ugh" Found that myself too, it’s frustrating | |||
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"It seems you either misunderstood my comment, or attempted to detract from what I've written by suggesting something else. Many join fab and send out cut and paste messages to anyone of a certain gender and age. Many send individual messages to people when they've clearly not bothered to check for compatibility at all. Neither of these examples fit the definition of BESPOKE. They would come under the definition of genetic and I already covered that in my previous comment. Just because people are on a swinging site does not mean they're all here for the same thing at all...Nobody is looking for anything 'by default'. . Nowhere in my comment does it suggest everyone on here is looking for the same thing. I wrote "By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle". People can experience the swinger lifestyle in many ways. Including remote interaction, without meeting others.However, the terms of the site are very clear... ***10.11 Any Content that you publish must be only for the purposes of meeting or interacting with other Members and must not be published through our platform for any other reason*** Therefore my comment stands. A note to anyone who is going to suggest 'No Reply = No Interest" is also in the site rules. This is NOT the case. It's mentioned in the guidance (FAQ) section. Guidance and rules are very different. The analogy fits and is a perfectly reasonable comparison. This is your opinion. I disagree. Your WhatsApp analogy would work if you filtered down a specific segment of the Fab population, say single women looking for VWE black guys or 50-60 year old men looking for 20-30 year old BBW's. But the message filters don't allow such tight parameters even if you used all available options in the advanced search function. If you could whittle down incoming messages so tightly then of course you'd be unlikely to ignore any, because they'd be relevant, from people you're more likely to be interested in. But you can't. Exactly. So an automatic reply button to indicate 'Not interested' will save everyone time in the future. The simple fact is that you never know if you're what someone is looking for. You may be the right sex, the right height/body shape, the right age, in the right location and the right sexuality with similar interests ticked. But all that means nothing if there's one thing that puts someone off or something in particular you're lacking that cannot be gauged by the search parameters available. Again, I agree. So a 'Not Interested' automatic reply is even more important in the circumstances. " Nope. It doesn't matter how 'bespoke' a message is. It doesn't mean it's wanted or even solicited, just by being a member of Fab. The filters simply don't allow you to block incoming mail from every parameter you're not interested in, so messages can and are sent to profiles by people where the recipient will be completely uninterested. There are also far too many dynamics to simply say that site dictates that by joining you are expressing a desire to be contacted. Many people choose to block all incoming contact and make their own choices who to message - where do they fit in your definitions? You can dispute it as much as you wish and differentiate between 'site rules' and 'FAQ's'. No reply is a reply. And any automated button would currently negate any future message filters, as has been explained several times by multiple people. People really need to recognise that there is no point wondering 'what if' or 'why haven't they answered' or 'have they read my message' and just concentrate on the one and only thing that matters on any contact site on the internet. Replies to messages. If you've not received one then no amount of pondering, worrying or second guessing matters. Until you actually get one then just either wait patiently or assume there's no interest. Nobody is owed a reply. Ever. A | |||
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"I’m new to this site but would quite clearly understand that a non reply means I’m not interested…. What does get me a little bit is being ignored if I respond by a personal message to a post in a thread when I’m clearly not hitting on them… maybe I’m turning into a snowflake…. "Sending a personal message from a thread rather than posting in the thread itself can be as unwanted as sending any other random DM, I personally block when they try to use my posts as ‘an icebreaker’ | |||
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"It seems you either misunderstood my comment, or attempted to detract from what I've written by suggesting something else. Many join fab and send out cut and paste messages to anyone of a certain gender and age. Many send individual messages to people when they've clearly not bothered to check for compatibility at all. Neither of these examples fit the definition of BESPOKE. They would come under the definition of genetic and I already covered that in my previous comment. Just because people are on a swinging site does not mean they're all here for the same thing at all...Nobody is looking for anything 'by default'. . Nowhere in my comment does it suggest everyone on here is looking for the same thing. I wrote "By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle". People can experience the swinger lifestyle in many ways. Including remote interaction, without meeting others.However, the terms of the site are very clear... ***10.11 Any Content that you publish must be only for the purposes of meeting or interacting with other Members and must not be published through our platform for any other reason*** Therefore my comment stands. A note to anyone who is going to suggest 'No Reply = No Interest" is also in the site rules. This is NOT the case. It's mentioned in the guidance (FAQ) section. Guidance and rules are very different. The analogy fits and is a perfectly reasonable comparison. This is your opinion. I disagree. Your WhatsApp analogy would work if you filtered down a specific segment of the Fab population, say single women looking for VWE black guys or 50-60 year old men looking for 20-30 year old BBW's. But the message filters don't allow such tight parameters even if you used all available options in the advanced search function. If you could whittle down incoming messages so tightly then of course you'd be unlikely to ignore any, because they'd be relevant, from people you're more likely to be interested in. But you can't. Exactly. So an automatic reply button to indicate 'Not interested' will save everyone time in the future. The simple fact is that you never know if you're what someone is looking for. You may be the right sex, the right height/body shape, the right age, in the right location and the right sexuality with similar interests ticked. But all that means nothing if there's one thing that puts someone off or something in particular you're lacking that cannot be gauged by the search parameters available. Again, I agree. So a 'Not Interested' automatic reply is even more important in the circumstances. Nope. It doesn't matter how 'bespoke' a message is. It doesn't mean it's wanted or even solicited, just by being a member of Fab. The filters simply don't allow you to block incoming mail from every parameter you're not interested in, so messages can and are sent to profiles by people where the recipient will be completely uninterested. There are also far too many dynamics to simply say that site dictates that by joining you are expressing a desire to be contacted. Many people choose to block all incoming contact and make their own choices who to message - where do they fit in your definitions? You can dispute it as much as you wish and differentiate between 'site rules' and 'FAQ's'. No reply is a reply. And any automated button would currently negate any future message filters, as has been explained several times by multiple people. People really need to recognise that there is no point wondering 'what if' or 'why haven't they answered' or 'have they read my message' and just concentrate on the one and only thing that matters on any contact site on the internet. Replies to messages. If you've not received one then no amount of pondering, worrying or second guessing matters. Until you actually get one then just either wait patiently or assume there's no interest. Nobody is owed a reply. Ever. A" Fking nailed it!!!
Need a mic drop emoji here | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"I’m new to this site but would quite clearly understand that a non reply means I’m not interested…. What does get me a little bit is being ignored if I respond by a personal message to a post in a thread when I’m clearly not hitting on them… maybe I’m turning into a snowflake…. "Yeah, you need to learn you're not owed a response. | |||
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"It seems you either misunderstood my comment, or attempted to detract from what I've written by suggesting something else. Many join fab and send out cut and paste messages to anyone of a certain gender and age. Many send individual messages to people when they've clearly not bothered to check for compatibility at all. Neither of these examples fit the definition of BESPOKE. They would come under the definition of genetic and I already covered that in my previous comment. Just because people are on a swinging site does not mean they're all here for the same thing at all...Nobody is looking for anything 'by default'. . Nowhere in my comment does it suggest everyone on here is looking for the same thing. I wrote "By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle". People can experience the swinger lifestyle in many ways. Including remote interaction, without meeting others.However, the terms of the site are very clear... ***10.11 Any Content that you publish must be only for the purposes of meeting or interacting with other Members and must not be published through our platform for any other reason*** Therefore my comment stands. A note to anyone who is going to suggest 'No Reply = No Interest" is also in the site rules. This is NOT the case. It's mentioned in the guidance (FAQ) section. Guidance and rules are very different. The analogy fits and is a perfectly reasonable comparison. This is your opinion. I disagree. Your WhatsApp analogy would work if you filtered down a specific segment of the Fab population, say single women looking for VWE black guys or 50-60 year old men looking for 20-30 year old BBW's. But the message filters don't allow such tight parameters even if you used all available options in the advanced search function. If you could whittle down incoming messages so tightly then of course you'd be unlikely to ignore any, because they'd be relevant, from people you're more likely to be interested in. But you can't. Exactly. So an automatic reply button to indicate 'Not interested' will save everyone time in the future. The simple fact is that you never know if you're what someone is looking for. You may be the right sex, the right height/body shape, the right age, in the right location and the right sexuality with similar interests ticked. But all that means nothing if there's one thing that puts someone off or something in particular you're lacking that cannot be gauged by the search parameters available. Again, I agree. So a 'Not Interested' automatic reply is even more important in the circumstances. Nope. It doesn't matter how 'bespoke' a message is. It doesn't mean it's wanted or even solicited, just by being a member of Fab. The filters simply don't allow you to block incoming mail from every parameter you're not interested in, so messages can and are sent to profiles by people where the recipient will be completely uninterested. There are also far too many dynamics to simply say that site dictates that by joining you are expressing a desire to be contacted. Many people choose to block all incoming contact and make their own choices who to message - where do they fit in your definitions? You can dispute it as much as you wish and differentiate between 'site rules' and 'FAQ's'. No reply is a reply. And any automated button would currently negate any future message filters, as has been explained several times by multiple people. People really need to recognise that there is no point wondering 'what if' or 'why haven't they answered' or 'have they read my message' and just concentrate on the one and only thing that matters on any contact site on the internet. Replies to messages. If you've not received one then no amount of pondering, worrying or second guessing matters. Until you actually get one then just either wait patiently or assume there's no interest. Nobody is owed a reply. Ever. A Fking nailed it!!!
Need a mic drop emoji here "Thanks. On a completely unrelated note.....every time I see your profile pic as a thumbnail I see it as an oil painting of an amish woman against a blue sky. 
I know (having now looked closer) that it's your bum (and very nice it is too) but my brain has now been wired to see it as that painting.
Sorry. Just had to get that thought out of my head and into the outside world as was driving me nuts.
A | |||
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"I’m new to this site but would quite clearly understand that a non reply means I’m not interested…. What does get me a little bit is being ignored if I respond by a personal message to a post in a thread when I’m clearly not hitting on them… maybe I’m turning into a snowflake…. "Why not just reply in the thread.l  | |||
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"Nobody is owed a reply. Ever." Again, you have either misunderstood my comment, or attempted to deliberately detract from what I've written. At no point do any of my comments say people are owed a reply. What I've clearly written is that your comparison between marketing mail, and bespoke messages on Fab is flawed. In my second comment, I brushed on the convenience of a 'Not Interested' button. This seems to have lead you to assume my stance on who should send replies. For the record my opinion on this is quite simple YOU decide who you reply to. However, as you like to draw comparisons. Let's parallel Fab with a club environment. It seems the mass delete action is one issue. Another issue is the abusive messages. So, in a club, if someone was to approach another and ask a question, it would be reasonable to assume 'No Reply' meant the other person didn't notice you. Similar to the mass delete facility. Therefore, in the club, it would be reasonable to ask that question again. Likewise, in a club, if someone approached another, but we're abusive when rejected, you would expect the establishment to take action. Just as you would expect Fab to take action. I personally prefer to respond to BESPOKE messages, because I have been brought up with the manners and morals accordingly. Those who have manners and morals different to me are free to decide themselves. PS. No mic needed here. I'm content with my own humility. | |||
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"Nobody is owed a reply. Ever. Again, you have either misunderstood my comment, or attempted to deliberately detract from what I've written. At no point do any of my comments say people are owed a reply. What I've clearly written is that your comparison between marketing mail, and bespoke messages on Fab is flawed. In my second comment, I brushed on the convenience of a 'Not Interested' button. This seems to have lead you to assume my stance on who should send replies. For the record my opinion on this is quite simple YOU decide who you reply to. However, as you like to draw comparisons. Let's parallel Fab with a club environment. It seems the mass delete action is one issue. Another issue is the abusive messages. So, in a club, if someone was to approach another and ask a question, it would be reasonable to assume 'No Reply' meant the other person didn't notice you. Similar to the mass delete facility. Therefore, in the club, it would be reasonable to ask that question again. Likewise, in a club, if someone approached another, but we're abusive when rejected, you would expect the establishment to take action. Just as you would expect Fab to take action. I personally prefer to respond to BESPOKE messages, because I have been brought up with the manners and morals accordingly. Those who have manners and morals different to me are free to decide themselves. PS. No mic needed here. I'm content with my own humility. " Are you two seriously shaking your bits (in a bespoke manner, of course) at one another to prove which analogy fits best? Oh dear gawd. You are both correct and both incorrect, depending on the perspective viewed. Fact is, it's in the site rules, or at least the FaQ's, stating a no reply is a no thank you. That's all that matters. Here's another analogy though to really blow your fuses .... Imagine a profile is similar to a job advert. Many people respond to that advert and only the successful ones receive a response and an invite to join the team. The rest are left wondering. | |||
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"Nobody is owed a reply. Ever. Again, you have either misunderstood my comment, or attempted to deliberately detract from what I've written. At no point do any of my comments say people are owed a reply. What I've clearly written is that your comparison between marketing mail, and bespoke messages on Fab is flawed. In my second comment, I brushed on the convenience of a 'Not Interested' button. This seems to have lead you to assume my stance on who should send replies. For the record my opinion on this is quite simple YOU decide who you reply to. However, as you like to draw comparisons. Let's parallel Fab with a club environment. It seems the mass delete action is one issue. Another issue is the abusive messages. So, in a club, if someone was to approach another and ask a question, it would be reasonable to assume 'No Reply' meant the other person didn't notice you. Similar to the mass delete facility. Therefore, in the club, it would be reasonable to ask that question again. Likewise, in a club, if someone approached another, but we're abusive when rejected, you would expect the establishment to take action. Just as you would expect Fab to take action. I personally prefer to respond to BESPOKE messages, because I have been brought up with the manners and morals accordingly. Those who have manners and morals different to me are free to decide themselves. PS. No mic needed here. I'm content with my own humility. " You're now trying to compare a face to face environment with someone physically stood speaking to you, with an Internet site where words are exchanged via messages on a screen.
And you keep typing BESPOKE in capitals as if the notion of an I dividual message means it warrants a reply more than any other. It doesn't. Currently we have 20 odd 'bespoke' messages sat in our inbox we won't be replying to any as they're all speculative contacts asking to meet, which is advised against in our text and yet still there they are. Not replying doesn't mean we lack morals, courtesy or manners.
People expecting replies just because they've spent 5 minutes knocking up a message and displaying any form of expectancy or entitlement to a reply, or complaining when they don't get one? Yep - seriously lacking respect in my mind.
But if you feel otherwise then all's good for you. I'm out.
A | |||
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"I’m new to this site but would quite clearly understand that a non reply means I’m not interested…. What does get me a little bit is being ignored if I respond by a personal message to a post in a thread when I’m clearly not hitting on them… maybe I’m turning into a snowflake….
Why not just reply in the thread.l "I need to stop replying to thread messages on the whole, it's always a nag to expand on something I'm not interested in chatting about! The exception of course is messages about sensitive matters, which I'll always reply to | |||
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"It seems you either misunderstood my comment, or attempted to detract from what I've written by suggesting something else. Many join fab and send out cut and paste messages to anyone of a certain gender and age. Many send individual messages to people when they've clearly not bothered to check for compatibility at all. Neither of these examples fit the definition of BESPOKE. They would come under the definition of genetic and I already covered that in my previous comment. Just because people are on a swinging site does not mean they're all here for the same thing at all...Nobody is looking for anything 'by default'. . Nowhere in my comment does it suggest everyone on here is looking for the same thing. I wrote "By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle". People can experience the swinger lifestyle in many ways. Including remote interaction, without meeting others.However, the terms of the site are very clear... ***10.11 Any Content that you publish must be only for the purposes of meeting or interacting with other Members and must not be published through our platform for any other reason*** Therefore my comment stands. A note to anyone who is going to suggest 'No Reply = No Interest" is also in the site rules. This is NOT the case. It's mentioned in the guidance (FAQ) section. Guidance and rules are very different. The analogy fits and is a perfectly reasonable comparison. This is your opinion. I disagree. Your WhatsApp analogy would work if you filtered down a specific segment of the Fab population, say single women looking for VWE black guys or 50-60 year old men looking for 20-30 year old BBW's. But the message filters don't allow such tight parameters even if you used all available options in the advanced search function. If you could whittle down incoming messages so tightly then of course you'd be unlikely to ignore any, because they'd be relevant, from people you're more likely to be interested in. But you can't. Exactly. So an automatic reply button to indicate 'Not interested' will save everyone time in the future. The simple fact is that you never know if you're what someone is looking for. You may be the right sex, the right height/body shape, the right age, in the right location and the right sexuality with similar interests ticked. But all that means nothing if there's one thing that puts someone off or something in particular you're lacking that cannot be gauged by the search parameters available. Again, I agree. So a 'Not Interested' automatic reply is even more important in the circumstances. Nope. It doesn't matter how 'bespoke' a message is. It doesn't mean it's wanted or even solicited, just by being a member of Fab. The filters simply don't allow you to block incoming mail from every parameter you're not interested in, so messages can and are sent to profiles by people where the recipient will be completely uninterested. There are also far too many dynamics to simply say that site dictates that by joining you are expressing a desire to be contacted. Many people choose to block all incoming contact and make their own choices who to message - where do they fit in your definitions? You can dispute it as much as you wish and differentiate between 'site rules' and 'FAQ's'. No reply is a reply. And any automated button would currently negate any future message filters, as has been explained several times by multiple people. People really need to recognise that there is no point wondering 'what if' or 'why haven't they answered' or 'have they read my message' and just concentrate on the one and only thing that matters on any contact site on the internet. Replies to messages. If you've not received one then no amount of pondering, worrying or second guessing matters. Until you actually get one then just either wait patiently or assume there's no interest. Nobody is owed a reply. Ever. A Fking nailed it!!!
Need a mic drop emoji here
Thanks.
On a completely unrelated note.....every time I see your profile pic as a thumbnail I see it as an oil painting of an amish woman against a blue sky.
I know (having now looked closer) that it's your bum (and very nice it is too) but my brain has now been wired to see it as that painting.
Sorry. Just had to get that thought out of my head and into the outside world as was driving me nuts.
A"Oh my god me too | |||
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Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"It seems you either misunderstood my comment, or attempted to detract from what I've written by suggesting something else. Many join fab and send out cut and paste messages to anyone of a certain gender and age. Many send individual messages to people when they've clearly not bothered to check for compatibility at all. Neither of these examples fit the definition of BESPOKE. They would come under the definition of genetic and I already covered that in my previous comment. Just because people are on a swinging site does not mean they're all here for the same thing at all...Nobody is looking for anything 'by default'. . Nowhere in my comment does it suggest everyone on here is looking for the same thing. I wrote "By joining the site you are by default looking to experience the swinger lifestyle". People can experience the swinger lifestyle in many ways. Including remote interaction, without meeting others.However, the terms of the site are very clear... ***10.11 Any Content that you publish must be only for the purposes of meeting or interacting with other Members and must not be published through our platform for any other reason*** Therefore my comment stands. A note to anyone who is going to suggest 'No Reply = No Interest" is also in the site rules. This is NOT the case. It's mentioned in the guidance (FAQ) section. Guidance and rules are very different. The analogy fits and is a perfectly reasonable comparison. This is your opinion. I disagree. Your WhatsApp analogy would work if you filtered down a specific segment of the Fab population, say single women looking for VWE black guys or 50-60 year old men looking for 20-30 year old BBW's. But the message filters don't allow such tight parameters even if you used all available options in the advanced search function. If you could whittle down incoming messages so tightly then of course you'd be unlikely to ignore any, because they'd be relevant, from people you're more likely to be interested in. But you can't. Exactly. So an automatic reply button to indicate 'Not interested' will save everyone time in the future. The simple fact is that you never know if you're what someone is looking for. You may be the right sex, the right height/body shape, the right age, in the right location and the right sexuality with similar interests ticked. But all that means nothing if there's one thing that puts someone off or something in particular you're lacking that cannot be gauged by the search parameters available. Again, I agree. So a 'Not Interested' automatic reply is even more important in the circumstances. Nope. It doesn't matter how 'bespoke' a message is. It doesn't mean it's wanted or even solicited, just by being a member of Fab. The filters simply don't allow you to block incoming mail from every parameter you're not interested in, so messages can and are sent to profiles by people where the recipient will be completely uninterested. There are also far too many dynamics to simply say that site dictates that by joining you are expressing a desire to be contacted. Many people choose to block all incoming contact and make their own choices who to message - where do they fit in your definitions? You can dispute it as much as you wish and differentiate between 'site rules' and 'FAQ's'. No reply is a reply. And any automated button would currently negate any future message filters, as has been explained several times by multiple people. People really need to recognise that there is no point wondering 'what if' or 'why haven't they answered' or 'have they read my message' and just concentrate on the one and only thing that matters on any contact site on the internet. Replies to messages. If you've not received one then no amount of pondering, worrying or second guessing matters. Until you actually get one then just either wait patiently or assume there's no interest. Nobody is owed a reply. Ever. A Fking nailed it!!!
Need a mic drop emoji here
Thanks.
On a completely unrelated note.....every time I see your profile pic as a thumbnail I see it as an oil painting of an amish woman against a blue sky.
I know (having now looked closer) that it's your bum (and very nice it is too) but my brain has now been wired to see it as that painting.
Sorry. Just had to get that thought out of my head and into the outside world as was driving me nuts.
A
Oh my god me too "Just seen this, I did wonder what it could look like at a glance to others | |||
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"there s this thing ... Many people may not have heard of it ???... It s called "good manners" Guess what ...... It s free If you don t get a reply , especially after they have read your thoughtful and polite message ... consider it a lucky escape , not worthy of your attention .. "Isn’t it better manners to read the faq of the site you’re using rather than demand replies….which to me seems extremely rude and entitled…a person ‘not worthy’ of my attention perhaps | |||
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"there s this thing ... Many people may not have heard of it ???... It s called "good manners" Guess what ...... It s free If you don t get a reply , especially after they have read your thoughtful and polite message ... consider it a lucky escape , not worthy of your attention ..
Isn’t it better manners to read the faq of the site you’re using rather than demand replies….which to me seems extremely rude and entitled…a person ‘not worthy’ of my attention perhaps
""Demand " hmmm someone s not read what was written ? | |||
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"there s this thing ... Many people may not have heard of it ???... It s called "good manners" Guess what ...... It s free If you don t get a reply , especially after they have read your thoughtful and polite message ... consider it a lucky escape , not worthy of your attention .. "Remember, manners should be from each side. No matter how polite a message is, if it's clear the profile hasn't been read, it's clear manners are lacking and therefore don't deserve any better. I'm not suggesting this to be the case with you, only that people complain about a no reply being ignorant whilst ignoring the initial contact, which is the profile bio. | |||
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"there s this thing ... Many people may not have heard of it ???... It s called "good manners" Guess what ...... It s free If you don t get a reply , especially after they have read your thoughtful and polite message ... consider it a lucky escape , not worthy of your attention ..
Isn’t it better manners to read the faq of the site you’re using rather than demand replies….which to me seems extremely rude and entitled…a person ‘not worthy’ of my attention perhaps
"Demand " hmmm someone s not read what was written ?"….or you could purposefully miss my point completely….that’s an opinion too You do you dude  | |||
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"I’m new to this site but would quite clearly understand that a non reply means I’m not interested…. What does get me a little bit is being ignored if I respond by a personal message to a post in a thread when I’m clearly not hitting on them… maybe I’m turning into a snowflake….
Yeah, you need to learn you're not owed a response."Did you not read the first line? I do not need to learn anything…. | |||
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"Definitely needed " Thanks, but no thanks. A | |||
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"Ok, lets suppose the owners of the site invest in developing the said "Button". The default message of which is "Thanks, but no thanks". Someone sends a message. The recipient doesn't press the button; then what...? " The omission creates a legal obligation for the recipient to show up in lace and silk and do what the sender desires. | |||
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"Ok, lets suppose the owners of the site invest in developing the said "Button". The default message of which is "Thanks, but no thanks". Someone sends a message. The recipient doesn't press the button; then what...? " Then they credibility when bitching about receiving multiple messages from the same person. Let's spin your question around. The owners invest in the button, and it is used by the recipient of the message. At the point the originator of the first message tries to contact them again, the sender receive a warning (similar to the 'No Reply' one), which states something similar to "This profile has already indicated they have no interest in your profile. If you try contact them again, you may lose the ability to send messages to other users for seven days. Even with my limited website coding knowledge, I'm aware the implementation of this process is simple. Sender knows the other profile isn't interested. Recipient knows no more messages will come from that profile. Where's the problem? | |||
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"Ok, lets suppose the owners of the site invest in developing the said "Button". The default message of which is "Thanks, but no thanks". Someone sends a message. The recipient doesn't press the button; then what...? Then they credibility when bitching about receiving multiple messages from the same person. Let's spin your question around. The owners invest in the button, and it is used by the recipient of the message. At the point the originator of the first message tries to contact them again, the sender receive a warning (similar to the 'No Reply' one), which states something similar to "This profile has already indicated they have no interest in your profile. If you try contact them again, you may lose the ability to send messages to other users for seven days. Even with my limited website coding knowledge, I'm aware the implementation of this process is simple. Sender knows the other profile isn't interested. Recipient knows no more messages will come from that profile. Where's the problem?" The problem lies in that, the follow up warning message had not been suggested until you mentioned it here. Another problem is, you could have suggested that without asking "where's the problem". | |||
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No website adjustments needed. No rule changes or FAQ cha ges needed.
Just an attitude adjustment?
AFF had a button exactly like this 15 years ago and you know what happened? People bitched and whined that an automated button reply was rude and impersonal.
Just be a grown up realise we all owe strangers on the internet nothing at all. If people get so frustrated by a case of no reply then I seriously wonder how their brain doesn't explode when they realise someone has blocked them?
A | |||
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"Why can't adults just be adults and accept that people aren't interested in them?
No website adjustments needed. No rule changes or FAQ cha ges needed.
Just an attitude adjustment?
AFF had a button exactly like this 15 years ago and you know what happened? People bitched and whined that an automated button reply was rude and impersonal.
Just be a grown up realise we all owe strangers on the internet nothing at all. If people get so frustrated by a case of no reply then I seriously wonder how their brain doesn't explode when they realise someone has blocked them?
A"I was a member of another swinging site, some 15 years or so ago. I think it no longer exists. They had this option, and still some chose to ignore rather than use the button, because it felt so impersonal. It changed very little, only added another complaint on the forum, the fact it was chosen rather than a personalised message. A no is a no, whether it's a polite and personal reply, an automated button reply, or a none reply. To some, no matter what, it adds up to rejection, and here lies the real problem. We don't need, or shouldn't need such a button, or warnings if you message again. It's an adult site, we should all act like adults. | |||
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" The problem lies in that, the follow up warning message had not been suggested until you mentioned it here. Another problem is, you could have suggested that without asking "where's the problem". " So the 'problem' with the original question of this thread is that most people providing a negative response were unable to foresee a simple resolution? Then there's another problem in that I've highlighted this simplicity, given a credible solution, and it's triggered others because they cannot argue against it? | |||
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" The problem lies in that, the follow up warning message had not been suggested until you mentioned it here. Another problem is, you could have suggested that without asking "where's the problem". So the 'problem' with the original question of this thread is that most people providing a negative response were unable to foresee a simple resolution? Then there's another problem in that I've highlighted this simplicity, given a credible solution, and it's triggered others because they cannot argue against it? " No, the problem lies in that you suggested this so late on, with a less than helpful suggestion kind of attitude. The problem lies within you assuming people have been triggered by your simple solution. Nobody has suggested that, what so ever. The problem lies that you appear to believe you have all the answers, and nobody elses opinion matters. Personally, though it's not necessarily a bad suggestion that you have made, I don't believe it's the correct one. It's very coercive, almost dictator like. We have the tools we need already, we don't need such a controlling aspect. | |||
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" It's an adult site, we should all act like adults. " Define what acting like an adult is? I've not ignored another person since I got over my childhood shyness. Also as an adult, I have the ability to reject people"s offers in a definite, but civilised manner. Children, on the other hand, struggle with both these characteristics... | |||
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" We have the tools we need already, we don't need such a controlling aspect. " If the tools exist already, then this request and debate wouldn't be raised as frequently as it is. | |||
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" We have the tools we need already, we don't need such a controlling aspect. If the tools exist already, then this request and debate wouldn't be raised as frequently as it is. " It's raised so frequently because some struggle to accept rejection. Not because there's actually an issue. Every time the subject is raised people are told the same thing, yet still they protest that its unfair and rude.
My final words are borrowed from the site.
"There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!
It's not rude not to reply.
Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here?"
And on that note........  bedtime.
A | |||
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" We have the tools we need already, we don't need such a controlling aspect. If the tools exist already, then this request and debate wouldn't be raised as frequently as it is. It's raised so frequently because some struggle to accept rejection. Not because there's actually an issue. Every time the subject is raised people are told the same thing, yet still they protest that its unfair and rude. "Exactly this. | |||
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" The problem lies that you appear to believe you have all the answers, and nobody elses opinion matters. " Really? So this thread is littered with comments similar to 'Just accept it', but you suggest I'm the one whose opinion doesn't matter? The is despite reading the concerns of others, about why they won't reply and addressing them. Which nobody has done from the other angle. This isn't me suggesting I 'have an the answers', this is me suggesting a simple resolution and asking where the problem with that solution is. Your suggestion of it being a coercive dictatorship is a false argument. The site has many similar restrictions. Examples, restrictions on what you can put in a status, and restrictions on what you can comment in the forums. | |||
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" We have the tools we need already, we don't need such a controlling aspect. If the tools exist already, then this request and debate wouldn't be raised as frequently as it is. " Of course it would, because people want others to change, rather than change themselves. The only change needed here, is attitude/expectations. People can choose to ignore, to delete, to block or to respond with a simple ... No thank you, or sorry, not what we're looking for. There's no need to add any button, or any threats to delete profile if they choose to message again. It's hardly there friendly atmosphere a site like this would like to create. There's your argument against your unarguable suggestion. What is needed is for people to change their expectations. Accept that not everybody will respond, for many reasons but mainly for their own Let me add, I do tend to respond to nearly all messages, they don't even have to be bespoke, I'm polite regardless. If people read, and take in the FaQ's, we won't need such control to baby sit us. Here they are, in regards to not receiving a reply ...... There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages! It's not rude not to reply. Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here? | |||
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" The problem lies that you appear to believe you have all the answers, and nobody elses opinion matters. Really? So this thread is littered with comments similar to 'Just accept it', but you suggest I'm the one whose opinion doesn't matter? The is despite reading the concerns of others, about why they won't reply and addressing them. Which nobody has done from the other angle. This isn't me suggesting I 'have an the answers', this is me suggesting a simple resolution and asking where the problem with that solution is. Your suggestion of it being a coercive dictatorship is a false argument. The site has many similar restrictions. Examples, restrictions on what you can put in a status, and restrictions on what you can comment in the forums. " And posted with much pretense. There lies my point. | |||
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"I always reply to say I’m not interested. This recently lead to a guy asking how many cocks I’d taken. When I said it was non of his business his reply was ‘well I’m surprised any of them could get a hard on with your disgusting stretch marked body’. Which I thought was a very petty and nasty response especially from a guy in his 40’s. It does put you off trying to be polite. A delete and block to persistent messengers seems to be the only way. " that's a very nasty rely you received from him. Completely uncalled for. When I first joined I was a bit upset I didn't get a reply to a well thought out specially targeted message. With time I realised that the females/couples are bombarded with so many messages so I accepted the no reply as a sign that there was no interest. Difficult to accept or work out but after you have the experience of this site you realise a non reply = no interest. Whilst the original posed question would be a nice option there are the well put arguments against this. | |||
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"There lies my point. " Ergo.. You have no point. Pretence indicates a falsehood. Instead, my comments are truthful and progressive. The only reason I can see in these forums, for people not wanting such a button is, people will still moan about it when it's used. However, those objectors don't need to use it. It will have almost zero bearing on the way they use this site. They can continue to ignore people. So why are they so impassioned about it? What is scaring them about others using the button? Nobody has suggested the button MUST be used, it is given as an alternative. Do so the objectors in this forum use EVERY facility this site offers? I expect not.. So that's the difference with a 'No Interest' button? | |||
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"There lies my point. Ergo.. You have no point. Pretence indicates a falsehood. Instead, my comments are truthful and progressive. The only reason I can see in these forums, for people not wanting such a button is, people will still moan about it when it's used. However, those objectors don't need to use it. It will have almost zero bearing on the way they use this site. They can continue to ignore people. So why are they so impassioned about it? What is scaring them about others using the button? Nobody has suggested the button MUST be used, it is given as an alternative. Do so the objectors in this forum use EVERY facility this site offers? I expect not.. So that's the difference with a 'No Interest' button?" I think you misunderstand, I for one, and reading comments it would seem nobody else 'objects' to the button, it's more that they see no point. Some of us are talking through experience, having been on sites with such an automated button, and knowing it makes no difference. The site works, with the correct attitude and expectations. Of course, there will always be those with an entitled attitude, those that choose to ignore site rules, those with unrealistic expectations. They will still complain here, the complaint will differ slightly is all. The complaints will become ... Some don't respond at all. Some use the automated response. If for an example it was introduced today, it'll still likely be the same ones refusing to reply, because they don't want a follow up, or because they don't want people getting around filters if and when they change them, or any other reason they choose. What will happen, is those that do normally reply, some of those will take this option, when a copy and paste will do. Then the complaints will arise here in the forum. I can't speak for others, though I can assume, for myself I have no objection, I simply see no point. Oh and the examples you used for restrictions on the site, they don't compare, they are mainly there to protect the site, from other sites being openly discussed and illegal activities. They're not there to control an individuals usage of the site, unlike the aggressive response you suggested. | |||
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" I for one, and reading comments it would seem nobody else 'objects' to the button, it's more that they see no point. " So, if you (and apparently nobody else objects), plus you see no point. I'll ask the question again? Where is the problem with implementing the button? It's simple coding to add. Therefore minimal cost to the site owners. There is no requirement to use it. Those who choose to use it, are protected. The only answer you and the other objectors now seem to be able to hang on to, is a warning message is a dictatorship. Admittedly, I didn't fully read your last comment, because it seems to be the same non-progressive rhetoric. However, it seems you suggest the examples I gave protect the site, rather than the individual. This isn't correct. You cannot name someone in your status, or mention them in the forums. Is this not to protect the individual? It does seem that most comments for objectors attempt to detract from the issue. So, I'll end with my question, if you (and apparently nobody else objects), plus you see no point. It has virtually no bearing on your use of the site. Where is the problem with implementing the button? | |||
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" I for one, and reading comments it would seem nobody else 'objects' to the button, it's more that they see no point. So, if you (and apparently nobody else objects), plus you see no point. I'll ask the question again? Where is the problem with implementing the button? It's simple coding to add. Therefore minimal cost to the site owners. There is no requirement to use it. Those who choose to use it, are protected. The only answer you and the other objectors now seem to be able to hang on to, is a warning message is a dictatorship. Admittedly, I didn't fully read your last comment, because it seems to be the same non-progressive rhetoric. However, it seems you suggest the examples I gave protect the site, rather than the individual. This isn't correct. You cannot name someone in your status, or mention them in the forums. Is this not to protect the individual? It does seem that most comments for objectors attempt to detract from the issue. So, I'll end with my question, if you (and apparently nobody else objects), plus you see no point. It has virtually no bearing on your use of the site. Where is the problem with implementing the button? " I can't help but notice some of your personally aimed comments are that of projection, maybe read back through your comments. Again, it's not necessarily an objection people are expressing, but suggesting there is no point. Experience taught me this, not assumption. Oh there I go again, repeating myself, maybe that's because it's been ignored. I think we're done here, I'm happy to debate, always, this is no debate. | |||
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" I for one, and reading comments it would seem nobody else 'objects' to the button, it's more that they see no point. So, if you (and apparently nobody else objects), plus you see no point. I'll ask the question again? Where is the problem with implementing the button? It's simple coding to add. Therefore minimal cost to the site owners. There is no requirement to use it. Those who choose to use it, are protected. The only answer you and the other objectors now seem to be able to hang on to, is a warning message is a dictatorship. Admittedly, I didn't fully read your last comment, because it seems to be the same non-progressive rhetoric. However, it seems you suggest the examples I gave protect the site, rather than the individual. This isn't correct. You cannot name someone in your status, or mention them in the forums. Is this not to protect the individual? It does seem that most comments for objectors attempt to detract from the issue. So, I'll end with my question, if you (and apparently nobody else objects), plus you see no point. It has virtually no bearing on your use of the site. Where is the problem with implementing the button? " Because its a solution to a problem that doesn't exist. Aside from in the heads of those who can't accept rejection. It won't change a thing, ergo is unnecessary. It won't stop people complaining. The complaint will just change from 'being ignored' to how rude an automated response is, or thoughts that maybe someone tapped it accidentally. Some of us have seen such a button in action on other sites. It changed nothing. But keep thinking it will. It won't ever happen so you'll just end up getting more frustrated about it. Or....just pay heed to the site FAQ's.
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"Seems pointless. We just delete if not interested. If it’s a polite message & read our profile, we’ll send a polite message back. " I agree, if I receive an impolite message from somebody that I'm not interested in, I simply read and delete the message without replying. I rarely message people first but if I do and they have read and deleted my message without a response, then I take the hint that it's a no-go! If the message from somebody is a polite one and I'm still not interested, then I will take the time to say "thanks but no thanks". | |||
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" I for one, and reading comments it would seem nobody else 'objects' to the button, it's more that they see no point. So, if you (and apparently nobody else objects), plus you see no point. I'll ask the question again? Where is the problem with implementing the button? It's simple coding to add. Therefore minimal cost to the site owners. There is no requirement to use it. Those who choose to use it, are protected. The only answer you and the other objectors now seem to be able to hang on to, is a warning message is a dictatorship. Admittedly, I didn't fully read your last comment, because it seems to be the same non-progressive rhetoric. However, it seems you suggest the examples I gave protect the site, rather than the individual. This isn't correct. You cannot name someone in your status, or mention them in the forums. Is this not to protect the individual? It does seem that most comments for objectors attempt to detract from the issue. So, I'll end with my question, if you (and apparently nobody else objects), plus you see no point. It has virtually no bearing on your use of the site. Where is the problem with implementing the button? Because its a solution to a problem that doesn't exist. Aside from in the heads of those who can't accept rejection. It won't change a thing, ergo is unnecessary. It won't stop people complaining. The complaint will just change from 'being ignored' to how rude an automated response is, or thoughts that maybe someone tapped it accidentally. Some of us have seen such a button in action on other sites. It changed nothing. But keep thinking it will. It won't ever happen so you'll just end up getting more frustrated about it. Or....just pay heed to the site FAQ's.
A"To add .... The option has been available to the site owners since the moment they took over, it was available to the previous owners. 15 years on, it has not been implemented, and I can only believe it won't be any time soon. There is no need for it, as there are already suitable tools available to us as site users. | |||
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"To avoid people wondering if someone is interested but haven’t replied. Set a button that auto sends a message - this can be tailored but along the lines of thanking them for their interest but they’re not their type etc. I’d presume help women from being spam / chased. Similar to a job rejection
I believe there used to be one.
People complained.
It was removed.
"There wasn't one | |||
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"If you subsequently filter that particular group of people, it gets around your filter as they've had a message from you... My filters have been set to "no" for over three years and people still get through because I was "polite" five years ago. ugh" The block button would solve this problem for you | |||
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"I’m new to this site but would quite clearly understand that a non reply means I’m not interested…. What does get me a little bit is being ignored if I respond by a personal message to a post in a thread when I’m clearly not hitting on them… maybe I’m turning into a snowflake…. "Why not post it onto the forum instead as that is where the discussion is? | |||
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" On a completely unrelated note.....every time I see your profile pic as a thumbnail I see it as an oil painting of an amish woman against a blue sky.
A"Ah, I am not the only one who thought the same then | |||
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" On a completely unrelated note.....every time I see your profile pic as a thumbnail I see it as an oil painting of an amish woman against a blue sky.
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Ah, I am not the only one who thought the same then "Great minds......obviously! 
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*or we both need a trip to specsavers. | |||
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" On a completely unrelated note.....every time I see your profile pic as a thumbnail I see it as an oil painting of an amish woman against a blue sky.
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Ah, I am not the only one who thought the same then
Great minds......obviously!
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*or we both need a trip to specsavers. "I am going with the latter | |||
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