FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Ever been told to fuck off in a club?
Ever been told to fuck off in a club?
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I been to a couple of clubs always as a single male. Don't get me wrong, love a playmate. But as a single fella you know you need to be respectful but at the same time need to ask, "Hey can I join in?" Or something.
I have had some lovely moments at clubs. Been involved in threesomes, gangbangs, spankings.
Love it, also been at clubs when nothing's gone on, it,s a bit expensie for a boy but hey ho.
Twice however I have politely asked to join in and been told to fuck off very aggressively by Mr, when. No thank you would easily have done.
I reported the last prick to do this. Hope all you single guys back each other up. |
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This is so rude! As the female half I get how difficult it must be for single men to make an approach in clubs. If we're not interested we would always be polite in our response.
If someone wades in without asking or being invited the response would however be very different
Mrs x |
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Being told to fuck off is rude. A polite no thank you said assertively should suffice. If they don't respect that then they aren't respecting my boundaries. Any unsolicted groping or being a pest, then yeh I'd tell them to fuck off,if they are disrespectful then expect more back. It only takes one idiot to ruin a night. |
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I’ve only just back onto Fab but noticed how much the scene has changed regarding single guys. Years ago the guys would chat in the bar area with couples and single females but now your getting more and more that purely go to playrooms and expect to play. I was in Pandora on Saturday night and witnessed that a bit myself. Not sticking up for anyone here but maybe the couple had been pestered in the playrooms before you got there op. At times you can understand why some couples and especially single women do get annoyed in clubs. Come on guys we do get slated a bit on fab but make a effort in clubs don’t expect sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve only just back onto Fab but noticed how much the scene has changed regarding single guys. Years ago the guys would chat in the bar area with couples and single females but now your getting more and more that purely go to playrooms and expect to play. I was in Pandora on Saturday night and witnessed that a bit myself. Not sticking up for anyone here but maybe the couple had been pestered in the playrooms before you got there op. At times you can understand why some couples and especially single women do get annoyed in clubs. Come on guys we do get slated a bit on fab but make a effort in clubs don’t expect sex "
Good advice. |
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We went to a club last night and had a single guy try it on several times and was told no not interested. This was while sitting at the bar having a drink. Then he started to touch after telling no thanks. Had to get a bit direct and did tell him to p off as the 'No Thanks we are not interested' approach did not work the first 4 times. He still then carried on trying and touching and at this point was not so polite and did tell him to f off. Its the first time we have had it this bad but some times the single guys just don't listen and do get the genuine guys a bad reputation. In the end even the direct approach did not work and had to get the management to tell him. |
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As a single female who's been a club regular for over 10 years, I've witnessed all sorts of situations.
I'm always polite, however, there are *some* single guys who visit clubs who think it's open season on women.
I'll push an unwanted hand away, or say no thanks.
But...if someone is rude or persistent, I have and will tell them very forcibly, to F**K off.
For *some* of them, it's the only message they understand. |
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"As a single female who's been a club regular for over 10 years, I've witnessed all sorts of situations.
I'm always polite, however, there are *some* single guys who visit clubs who think it's open season on women.
I'll push an unwanted hand away, or say no thanks.
But...if someone is rude or persistent, I have and will tell them very forcibly, to F**K off.
For *some* of them, it's the only message they understand."
This... and to be fair I've rarely seen it unprovoked. Sometimes people just want to be watched and may have had untold people ask but still no excuse to be rude |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was in a club a stranger just came up without any introduction and asked if he could join in my ultimate concern would be for the females safety but to be fair no real need to be abusive and tell you to fuck off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understand the need to make clubs financially viable but also think the ratio of single men to women and couples should be managed. When theres too many single men you can see a different mentality more pushy not wanting to miss out on an opportunity to play.This in no way excuses bad manners or being pushy I sometimes believe the issue of revenue for clubs overtakes the experience for those visiting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single female who's been a club regular for over 10 years, I've witnessed all sorts of situations.
I'm always polite, however, there are *some* single guys who visit clubs who think it's open season on women.
I'll push an unwanted hand away, or say no thanks.
But...if someone is rude or persistent, I have and will tell them very forcibly, to F**K off.
For *some* of them, it's the only message they understand."
Could not agree with this more.
 |
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"I understand the need to make clubs financially viable but also think the ratio of single men to women and couples should be managed. When theres too many single men you can see a different mentality more pushy not wanting to miss out on an opportunity to play.This in no way excuses bad manners or being pushy I sometimes believe the issue of revenue for clubs overtakes the experience for those visiting."
I think that depends on the club. Every event at Townhouse is carefully managed in terms of the guest list & the club & event hosts put a lot of work into making sure that the ratios are maintained in line with the event. I know some of the event hosts at other clubs in the North West & I know that they put a lot of work into managing their events also.
If you want to avoid events where there are a lot of guys, steer clear of greedy girl events & make sure you go to clubs when a managed event is on, rather than it just being open. And if you’re not sure what an event ratio will look like, message the club or host & they should be happy to tell you  |
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Hubby has told 2 guys to fuc* of last one were a previous meet from 2 years ago i were in a club room playing and hubby had finished so he sat up leaving me to play with a guy ,our previous meet walked in lay down next to me removed his towel and expected me to play with him I told him I were not interested he didn't understand the same sentence 4 times so hubby told him to leave.
3 days later I got a threting message from him . |
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"As a single female who's been a club regular for over 10 years, I've witnessed all sorts of situations.
I'm always polite, however, there are *some* single guys who visit clubs who think it's open season on women.
I'll push an unwanted hand away, or say no thanks.
But...if someone is rude or persistent, I have and will tell them very forcibly, to F**K off.
For *some* of them, it's the only message they understand."
Agreed. Once, no thank you. Twice, I said no. Three times, fuck off (and I go talk to staff). |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
the first time should be a "no thank you"
the second time.... "look we said no thanks"
if they still don't understand then as far as i am concerned all bets are off.... and people are well within their right to say "fuck off"..... |
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I’ve never been told to “F off”, as I’ve always been polite in my approaches, and taken a turning down graciously. I have been barked at gruffly, received several “We’re not interested in single guys!”, and point blank ignored! But you just have to accept this as a single guy in a club.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I been to a couple of clubs always as a single male. Don't get me wrong, love a playmate. But as a single fella you know you need to be respectful but at the same time need to ask, "Hey can I join in?" Or something.
I have had some lovely moments at clubs. Been involved in threesomes, gangbangs, spankings.
Love it, also been at clubs when nothing's gone on, it,s a bit expensie for a boy but hey ho.
Twice however I have politely asked to join in and been told to fuck off very aggressively by Mr, when. No thank you would easily have done.
I reported the last prick to do this. Hope all you single guys back each other up. "
you're joking omg hope the man in question was ejected from club    |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single female who's been a club regular for over 10 years, I've witnessed all sorts of situations.
I'm always polite, however, there are *some* single guys who visit clubs who think it's open season on women.
I'll push an unwanted hand away, or say no thanks.
But...if someone is rude or persistent, I have and will tell them very forcibly, to F**K off.
For *some* of them, it's the only message they understand.
Agreed. Once, no thank you. Twice, I said no. Three times, fuck off (and I go talk to staff)."
Yes me too
I do the 3 times rule.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I been to a couple of clubs always as a single male. Don't get me wrong, love a playmate. But as a single fella you know you need to be respectful but at the same time need to ask, "Hey can I join in?" Or something.
I have had some lovely moments at clubs. Been involved in threesomes, gangbangs, spankings.
Love it, also been at clubs when nothing's gone on, it,s a bit expensie for a boy but hey ho.
Twice however I have politely asked to join in and been told to fuck off very aggressively by Mr, when. No thank you would easily have done.
I reported the last prick to do this. Hope all you single guys back each other up. "
Yes I got told to fuck off at Chams once.
After I got chatting to a couple, bought them drinks and it was when the Mr showed interest in playing the Mrs told me to fuck off when he asked me to show him my ass, guess reality sank in and she got jealous. Not sure why as after reassuring her I pleasured them both and they followed me round all night after playing. Some people think they're ready before they are if that makes sense.. Anyway we're good friends now and play regularly, some situations can be reversed with some diplomacy Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be fair to the offending male of the OP's couple, we don't really know what had happened to cause that. It seems some single males pay their entrance fee and see that as a guarantee of sex, they've paid and that's what the women are there for. I appreciate that is the minority of single men or at least I'd like to thin so but it could be that the couple's play had been violated by one of these just previously.
Or it could be he was just being an arse, I don't know but either way a polite no than you should have been the response if the OP had asked politely |
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If a guy “steams straight in” then I will politely move his hand or move away. This is usually enough. If however he carries on I will politely say no thank you. If this still does not work and he doesn’t stop, then I will tell him to fuck off. I must add that this very very rarely happens as most of the single guys we have met at quest have been perfect gentlemen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's the disrespectful ones who move in on the Mrs when I leave her for 5 minutes to go do something that get me in clubs, do single guys really think that's the way to go? Had it loads just recently from a guy just walking in to the room and started getting undressed, ermm excuse me?
You've no chance after that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's the disrespectful ones who move in on the Mrs when I leave her for 5 minutes to go do something that get me in clubs, do single guys really think that's the way to go? Had it loads just recently from a guy just walking in to the room and started getting undressed, ermm excuse me?
I get this, the last party I went to they just waggled their willy in front of the girls expecting action. If they have paid, they are expecting a service I guess, which lacks class and a little common sense
You've no chance after that!"
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By *avenlouCouple
over a year ago
Aberdeen |
Im not experienced in the ways of club but as a first timer i was disappointed to see a single bloke standing in close for ages despite nearby seating on a couple playing. I would describe him as ‘lurking’ in a voyeur room with a few beds.
We were seated with a few others enjoying watching the play, he eventually got the courage to interrupt and got his no and immediately left. Clearly he was not enjoying the view otherwise he would have stayed. The couple seemed put off and packed up.
I would think if you have not talked to a couple already its a low probability their gonna just say yes on the spot, so why spoil the moment for everybody? |
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Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done. |
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done. "
Jesus |
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Had a bizarre experience last weekend at Xtasia, it was a FFFF night so they keep the single guys upstairs out of the play rooms till later in the evening, but suddenly a call came down the stairs "single guys are being allowed in" and every time I looked up there was another one standing and watching. True though that the majority take a firm no first time, I even had some of them fending off the one guy who refused to stop groping at me. Still ran away with only 2 to a private room after that, but just shows it's a mixed bag. |
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"Had a bizarre experience last weekend at Xtasia, it was a FFFF night so they keep the single guys upstairs out of the play rooms till later in the evening, but suddenly a call came down the stairs "single guys are being allowed in" and every time I looked up there was another one standing and watching. True though that the majority take a firm no first time, I even had some of them fending off the one guy who refused to stop groping at me. Still ran away with only 2 to a private room after that, but just shows it's a mixed bag."
Unfortunately women (and couples) need to learn to be "bitchy" and "rude" for the minority who don't display basic manners. |
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done.
Jesus "
It’s fair to say our willingness to try other clubs has been massively affected as a result. I felt completely violated  |
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I have to say I have witnessed many a time when a single guy has been spoken to in such a way
And I might add that the majority of the time the single guys have approached said rude bastards very politely
The worst offenders are couples - and yes I’m in a couple myself too at clubs
I would hate to be a single guy at a club. Takes balls to approach anyone for play and they don’t deserve to be told to ‘fuck off’
I have always found a simple ‘ no thank you’ works fine and never had any issues with pestering after that
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done.
Jesus
It’s fair to say our willingness to try other clubs has been massively affected as a result. I felt completely violated "
I would have done too. That's not acceptable. |
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"I have to say I have witnessed many a time when a single guy has been spoken to in such a way
And I might add that the majority of the time the single guys have approached said rude bastards very politely
The worst offenders are couples - and yes I’m in a couple myself too at clubs
I would hate to be a single guy at a club. Takes balls to approach anyone for play and they don’t deserve to be told to ‘fuck off’
I have always found a simple ‘ no thank you’ works fine and never had any issues with pestering after that
"
Yes, it definitely goes both ways, and I've been treated very dismissively by some couples, too.
I only escalate to rude, after firm hasn't worked, after polite hasn't worked. |
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done. "
That’s horrific I’m sorry that happened to you
Not on the same level at all but a few times we have been at clubs and some single guys will ask Mr if they can touch me  To be fair he says “why are you asking me” |
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
"A polite no is all it needs
Some single men are so nervous it would put them off "
I seriously beg to differ.
On a few occasions I have had to tell a guy off for unwanted/ uninvited touching, usually loudly.
I have also been sexualy assaulted at a club, and that certainly warranted more than 'a polite no'.. |
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"A polite no is all it needs
Some single men are so nervous it would put them off
I seriously beg to differ.
On a few occasions I have had to tell a guy off for unwanted/ uninvited touching, usually loudly.
I have also been sexualy assaulted at a club, and that certainly warranted more than 'a polite no'.."
Yes. The polite no is the first step. If someone persists, then escalation is required. |
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done.
That’s horrific I’m sorry that happened to you
Not on the same level at all but a few times we have been at clubs and some single guys will ask Mr if they can touch me To be fair he says “why are you asking me” "
Thank you, in my head I would like to think that it was just a bad night to have attended & a poor choice of club. I would hope that this was an extreme & not the norm! |
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen? "
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine. |
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen? "
I think it’s a fair point to say that mostly people have a fair amount to drink and on both sides barriers can be a little jaded
Messages can be misread as well as giving the wrong message too
Of course unreasonable behaviour on both sides is not be condoned but having visited or hosted nights nearly every week for a five year period I have only ever had 2 instances where I had to escalate from a ‘no thanks’
Once as a single a group of guys thought they would try their luck and management were called and another a man in a couple in the couples room decided that they had every right to touch me whilst I was playing with my other half. Let’s just say his wife left him at the club when I made it clear what he was sneakily trying to do !
But considering that’s 2 instances out of say 300 visits that’s better odds than I wanted advances on a vanilla night |
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
I think it’s a fair point to say that mostly people have a fair amount to drink and on both sides barriers can be a little jaded
Messages can be misread as well as giving the wrong message too
Of course unreasonable behaviour on both sides is not be condoned but having visited or hosted nights nearly every week for a five year period I have only ever had 2 instances where I had to escalate from a ‘no thanks’
Once as a single a group of guys thought they would try their luck and management were called and another a man in a couple in the couples room decided that they had every right to touch me whilst I was playing with my other half. Let’s just say his wife left him at the club when I made it clear what he was sneakily trying to do !
But considering that’s 2 instances out of say 300 visits that’s better odds than I wanted advances on a vanilla night "
..and this is why I never drink alcohol at a club. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine."
Thanks for the advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
I think it’s a fair point to say that mostly people have a fair amount to drink and on both sides barriers can be a little jaded
Messages can be misread as well as giving the wrong message too
Of course unreasonable behaviour on both sides is not be condoned but having visited or hosted nights nearly every week for a five year period I have only ever had 2 instances where I had to escalate from a ‘no thanks’
Once as a single a group of guys thought they would try their luck and management were called and another a man in a couple in the couples room decided that they had every right to touch me whilst I was playing with my other half. Let’s just say his wife left him at the club when I made it clear what he was sneakily trying to do !
But considering that’s 2 instances out of say 300 visits that’s better odds than I wanted advances on a vanilla night "
Oh right. Yeah I don't drink so that hadn't really crossed my mind. I'll have to look into what a good club is around here. |
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"Put it this way, I felt safe walking round clubs in just my undies. I definitely would not feel safe doing the same in a vanilla nightclub "
Yes same as
I find guys are much more accepting of me having no interest at a swingers club than a normal night out
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Put it this way, I felt safe walking round clubs in just my undies. I definitely would not feel safe doing the same in a vanilla nightclub "
That does put it more into perspective.
Although to be fair I have seen this happen in the Krazy house in town so...  |
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"A polite no is all it needs
Some single men are so nervous it would put them off
I seriously beg to differ.
On a few occasions I have had to tell a guy off for unwanted/ uninvited touching, usually loudly.
I have also been sexualy assaulted at a club, and that certainly warranted more than 'a polite no'.."
I’m sorry that happened to you. X |
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We have to admit that we've become quite hardened to the single guys (or cock zombies) that simply follow couple round play areas like puppies.
If they've not got the social skills to chat in the bar then why would we want them to join us in the play areas?
We try to be polite where the approach is polite or they've talked to us, but our rebuff has become quite forceful where they simply try to force themselves into a room or stand there on top of you masturbating.
If someone has touched without asking then sorry but all bets are off and you get what you asked for. It's not happened since one guy got both barrels and a severe slap from MrsK after groping her when she was walking past. We're fortunate that we know martial arts and MrsK is quite happy to stand up for herself, plus... she is evil He had to leave to find a change of underwear and his dignity... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done. "
Did you leave a review? I'm not one for doing clubs down and you can contextualize it, but I would leave a review |
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"I have to say I have witnessed many a time when a single guy has been spoken to in such a way
And I might add that the majority of the time the single guys have approached said rude bastards very politely
The worst offenders are couples - and yes I’m in a couple myself too at clubs
I would hate to be a single guy at a club. Takes balls to approach anyone for play and they don’t deserve to be told to ‘fuck off’
I have always found a simple ‘ no thank you’ works fine and never had any issues with pestering after that
"
It's always been couples who have given me the cold shoulder in clubs, and that's probably because there's rarely any single women in! 
I was in one club fairly recently, on a relatively busy party night. The place was filled with couples, no single females, and I was one of only four single guys in. I managed to strike up a conversation with a couple at the bar, and although the wife was quite keen to chat with me, her hubby stood between us, his back to me and his arm firmly locked on to the bar, his body language making it clear my prescence was not welcome. I thanked them for the chat, had a wander around the place, but left shortly after (roughly 11.30). I doubt I'll visit another club as a single guy again |
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done.
Did you leave a review? I'm not one for doing clubs down and you can contextualize it, but I would leave a review"
No I didn’t leave a review. Had I approached the management & told them what had happened, then depending on their response I may have done. But as we just left, I didn’t feel it was right to review. After reflecting for some time following, I put it down to being a really bad experience & would hope that it’s not what happens there usually. |
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine."
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine.
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow "
This. Exactly this.
There is no need for rudeness to people, but there is sometimes need to be forceful.
I've been sexually assaulted 3 times (not in clubs, all three when minding my own business by three men I'd never spoken to or interacted with)
It sometimes helps to see it from the other side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m another who now feels the need to be blunt is the only way.
I had a situation in a club (I haven’t been many time) where a single guy cornered me as soon as I walked in.
He tried to touch me later on and I explained he wasn’t my type. He tried the same with the girl of the couple I was now chatting to, and she said the same, very clear, and he reacted as if he understood.
Then later when I was playing with the couple, he was watching, loudly asking if he could join in. The guy of the couple said - absolutely not, pal.
Next thing I know, I’m lying on my back with my eyes closed, when I open them, his face is an inch or so above mine, saying - why won’t you give me a chance?! - at which point, the guy I was with pushed him away from us. It felt aggressive and embarrassing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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TI be honest , the pushy, arrogant and selfish single males do spoil it for the genuine guys.
We love chams but we hardly ever go on nights where single males are allowed.
The jacuzzi is one area we avoid , countless times we’ve been in there and let a single male close to us , a little play and then off he goes only for the guy sitting next to him to simply shuffle round closer to Mrs and think it’s ok to start touching her.
The round room, if we’ve taken a male (or 2) in there to enjoy, a lot of single males think this allows them to drop their towel and play with themselves more or less on Mrs’ face.
To be honest these sort of experiences do put you off playing and the genuine , tidy male we were playing with at the start of it then doesn’t get the whole experience. As a result we hardly ever play with single males , unless it’s in a lockable room where wondering hands are kept away
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine.
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow "
I don’t think I could have put this any better, in fact, my language would have been more direct and uncompromising.
Personally I would much rather be offended by being told to fuck off everytime than ever having a woman worry about being sexually assaulted.
The majority of men do take a simple ”No” as an answer and this makes a club environment very enjoyable for everyone. |
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine.
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow "
Oh, broader picture I entirely agree. Men, people but particularly men, need to respect other people's bodily autonomy and not harm others, more than women need to be told to protect themselves. Predators need to stop.
But narrow picture... Are clubs terrible places? No. |
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"I’m another who now feels the need to be blunt is the only way.
I had a situation in a club (I haven’t been many time) where a single guy cornered me as soon as I walked in.
He tried to touch me later on and I explained he wasn’t my type. He tried the same with the girl of the couple I was now chatting to, and she said the same, very clear, and he reacted as if he understood.
Then later when I was playing with the couple, he was watching, loudly asking if he could join in. The guy of the couple said - absolutely not, pal.
Next thing I know, I’m lying on my back with my eyes closed, when I open them, his face is an inch or so above mine, saying - why won’t you give me a chance?! - at which point, the guy I was with pushed him away from us. It felt aggressive and embarrassing."
It ruins the moment, but I'd be telling staff. |
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine.
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow "
Well said - and thank you x |
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No but been called arrogant when I was a couple for turning someone down. We usually end the night in a private room for some one on one action and a couple tried to get in and got abusive when told no.
They were very d*unk.
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine.
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow
Well said - and thank you x"
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done. "
in this sort of situation i would always say tell the staff.....most club staff and management are lovely but they are not mindreaders... so unless you tell them, they never know!
also.... if these people tried that behaviour on with you, then i am going to take a wild guess and say you wouldn't be the first people they tried those tactics with, and won't be the last unless they are stopped...
so telling the staff not only helps you, it helps the community as a whole by ing out the bad folk! |
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine.
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow
This. Exactly this.
There is no need for rudeness to people, but there is sometimes need to be forceful.
I've been sexually assaulted 3 times (not in clubs, all three when minding my own business by three men I'd never spoken to or interacted with)
It sometimes helps to see it from the other side."
Absolutely agree with having to be forceful. When I first started my swinging journey I let my guard down when playing in a closed, but unlocked private room, a single man thought it was acceptable to sneak in and fuck me, I thought it was one of the other guys. No way did I consent to that, yes it was r%$e. How did that affect me? It turned me into a very cautious, hard, cynical bitch. Only now I have someone who totally has my back. Now if my approach offends someone who oversteps the mark then I do not give a fuck. There are some vile individuals out there. Protect yourselves ladies, find your loud voice and use it. Men - respect boundaries and dont be predatory creeps and couples - look out for each other. |
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I feel like the balance gets out of whack on these discussions.
It often feels like "be nice to people, be tough, respect people's consent".
It should be "respect people's consent, don't hurt people, don't be rude, no you can't hurt people no matter how much you want to, no really you can't take sexual activity from people who don't want it, honestly if you can't understand that you need consent go away and become a better human first, sometimes unfortunately you need to be tough asserting your bodily autonomy, no means no you creeps". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel like the balance gets out of whack on these discussions.
It often feels like "be nice to people, be tough, respect people's consent".
It should be "respect people's consent, don't hurt people, don't be rude, no you can't hurt people no matter how much you want to, no really you can't take sexual activity from people who don't want it, honestly if you can't understand that you need consent go away and become a better human first, sometimes unfortunately you need to be tough asserting your bodily autonomy, no means no you creeps"."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done. "
You made it clear that you were not interested in him and he came back and cum over you the cheek of some people, that is so wrong - but am I the only one here who also finds it a funny story.
I was thinking about going to a club one day, but since reading this thread it's put me off.
The thought of a man trying it on with me would freak me out and by the sounds of it most women are part of a couple which doest appeal to me. Sure I like the idea of watching but the thought of touching things with all the spunk flying around.. Ewww noo.
And having to lay on beds and sit on chairs/sofas which have had naked bodies and bodily fluids on.. No thanks not for me.
I don't think I could ever relax enough to have sex in an environment like that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The last party I was at with around 100 people I dont believe featured any single women and I dont blame them. They are going to be homed in on as soon as they step in the room, sad but true. A couple at another party starting having sex on the bed and yes, here they come like bees round honey. Go with an ex-marine i say |
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done.
You made it clear that you were not interested in him and he came back and cum over you the cheek of some people, that is so wrong - but am I the only one here who also finds it a funny story.
I was thinking about going to a club one day, but since reading this thread it's put me off.
The thought of a man trying it on with me would freak me out and by the sounds of it most women are part of a couple which doest appeal to me. Sure I like the idea of watching but the thought of touching things with all the spunk flying around.. Ewww noo.
And having to lay on beds and sit on chairs/sofas which have had naked bodies and bodily fluids on.. No thanks not for me.
I don't think I could ever relax enough to have sex in an environment like that.
"
It was not funny in the slightest, I can assure you If that is your humour, perhaps it’s just as well you feel that clubs are not for you.... |
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"Go with an ex-marine i say"
I’m sure that’s well intentioned and you’re a great bloke but there’s two important misconceptions here.
1. Unless you’re there every second and you’re keeping everyone at arms length, you can’t always see it. Under the water in the hot tub, during a group session or in a dozen other ways, it can happen.
If the woman doesn’t want to be kept a clear metre from everyone then there’s a good chance you can miss it.
2. Putting the emphasis on a big bloke protecting a vulnerable woman is the wrong way around. It should be down to the perpetrator not doing the wrong thing. |
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"Our horrific 2nd ever experience of a club last year was that we had a couple of drinks, no one spoke & no one caught our eye. It was a quiet Saturday & we had gone spur of the moment.
We decided we would play together & leave the door open for anyone to watch... and they did.... then however, a guy tried to touch me, I didn’t find him in the slightest bit attractive, so politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ he continued so Mr C said ‘she’s told you not to touch her’ at which point he moved away slightly... only to then approach us again & proceed to cum over me! We remained polite, Mr C said something along the lines of ‘we told you not to touch her, that’s not acceptable’. So I went and cleaned myself & went to another room. Mr C suggested we close the door, I said no it’s fine that guys not around. Big mistake... 2 other guys after watching for a few minutes approached & thought it acceptable to touch me... I again politely said ‘please don’t touch me’ and they both then tried to perform oral on me. I got up & we dressed and left & will never set foot in that club again. I know I should have reported it to the management, but I just wanted to get out.
Would we have told the guys to fuck off... I’m not sure, it’s just not us... but we should have done.
You made it clear that you were not interested in him and he came back and cum over you the cheek of some people, that is so wrong - but am I the only one here who also finds it a funny story.
I was thinking about going to a club one day, but since reading this thread it's put me off.
The thought of a man trying it on with me would freak me out and by the sounds of it most women are part of a couple which doest appeal to me. Sure I like the idea of watching but the thought of touching things with all the spunk flying around.. Ewww noo.
And having to lay on beds and sit on chairs/sofas which have had naked bodies and bodily fluids on.. No thanks not for me.
I don't think I could ever relax enough to have sex in an environment like that.
"
You’re definitely the only one who thinks that’s funny. Honestly I’m appalled that anyone would. Also, it wasn’t “cheek”, it was sexual assault. |
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"Go with an ex-marine i say
I’m sure that’s well intentioned and you’re a great bloke but there’s two important misconceptions here.
1. Unless you’re there every second and you’re keeping everyone at arms length, you can’t always see it. Under the water in the hot tub, during a group session or in a dozen other ways, it can happen.
If the woman doesn’t want to be kept a clear metre from everyone then there’s a good chance you can miss it.
2. Putting the emphasis on a big bloke protecting a vulnerable woman is the wrong way around. It should be down to the perpetrator not doing the wrong thing."
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Wow.
We’ve never been to a club and had been toying with the idea of going in the coming months (child care permitting) but this is making us more than think twice about the idea....
I get that people can wrongly assume boundaries are more flexible in a club environment - but the fact that so many ladies are actually sexually assaulted is sickening!
What upsets us the most is that it seems to be almost accepted that a few bad eggs will do/try that kind of thing.
In any other aspect of life, there would be widespread outrage and police prosecutions etc.
I don’t see being interested in swinging as meaning that our consent is any less flexible or should be implied/assumed! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go with an ex-marine i say
I’m sure that’s well intentioned and you’re a great bloke but there’s two important misconceptions here.
1. Unless you’re there every second and you’re keeping everyone at arms length, you can’t always see it. Under the water in the hot tub, during a group session or in a dozen other ways, it can happen.
If the woman doesn’t want to be kept a clear metre from everyone then there’s a good chance you can miss it.
2. Putting the emphasis on a big bloke protecting a vulnerable woman is the wrong way around. It should be down to the perpetrator not doing the wrong thing."
You're right of course, it's just facts of life. Women should be able to walk down dark alleys at night on their own but they dont and for good reason. You are coming from a logical rational position; they are coming from Planet Helmet |
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"Wow.
We’ve never been to a club and had been toying with the idea of going in the coming months (child care permitting) but this is making us more than think twice about the idea....
I get that people can wrongly assume boundaries are more flexible in a club environment - but the fact that so many ladies are actually sexually assaulted is sickening!
What upsets us the most is that it seems to be almost accepted that a few bad eggs will do/try that kind of thing.
In any other aspect of life, there would be widespread outrage and police prosecutions etc.
I don’t see being interested in swinging as meaning that our consent is any less flexible or should be implied/assumed!"
It isn’t. If anything consent is more of an emphasis in clubs so that these things don’t happen.
In my experience, these kind of things are a rarity & if a club is made aware of inappropriate behaviour, they would act accordingly, with people who don’t know how to behave being asked to leave & barred.
As an event host of over 2 years, I’ve had one complaint about inappropriate behaviour & that was actually from a guy.
Don’t be put off. Try it for yourselves & go by your own experiences. Clubs are great fun & have a fantastic social element to them that is different from any other
M x |
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"Wow.
We’ve never been to a club and had been toying with the idea of going in the coming months (child care permitting) but this is making us more than think twice about the idea....
I get that people can wrongly assume boundaries are more flexible in a club environment - but the fact that so many ladies are actually sexually assaulted is sickening!
What upsets us the most is that it seems to be almost accepted that a few bad eggs will do/try that kind of thing.
In any other aspect of life, there would be widespread outrage and police prosecutions etc.
I don’t see being interested in swinging as meaning that our consent is any less flexible or should be implied/assumed!"
I actually think swinging has exactly the same issues as the rest of the world, but more opportunities to try funny business, and more of a female empowered environment where we can actually talk about it and seek redress. In the "real" world, it'd be he said she said hush hush. Here, we discuss these things, we're encouraged to talk to staff who (in most clubs) take this stuff *incredibly* seriously.
Someone will almost always be pushy, but most of those will back off if told rather than proceed. Again, not too much unlike real life. But we've got backup that simply doesn't exist in vanilla spaces. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shit like this puts me off going I think as a single Male you need alot of courage to approach someone so to be told fuck off would knock my confidence personally a simple no mate would do fine! |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
Not to me personally; but I have witnessed the husband of a couple telling a bunch of guys to F off out a room in which his wife was gangbanged by some blokes (including me). Whether or not that was rude, I cannot tell; maybe the guys were acting like jack-the-lads and the husband got pissed off.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i got told to GO AWAY by a man sitting on hes own in a club. I simply asked if he was ok.learned my lesson and it wont ever happen again."
Wow, I couldn't even imagine being this rude to a woman or doing some of the things single guys have done to women in here.
It's a bit of an eye opener on what couples/women face at clubs. |
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I go to clubs to meet single guys. What's put me off on more than one occasion is that a friendly hello seems to be an invite for some guys to whip it out, start wanking in front off me and expecting me to go for it. Or start stroking my leg in the hot tub.
These are rare occasions, but it has put me off being nice to guys i wouldn't be interested in beyond some random chat. These very few entitled idiots really do spoil a lot for the decent guys.
I'd never tell anyone who is polite and not expecting anything to fuck off though (unlike if you'd just attempt to shove your cock in my mouth, you'd actually get a hell of a lot more than "fuck off") x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Put it this way, I felt safe walking round clubs in just my undies. I definitely would not feel safe doing the same in a vanilla nightclub "
Obviously duh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine.
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow
This. Exactly this.
There is no need for rudeness to people, but there is sometimes need to be forceful.
I've been sexually assaulted 3 times (not in clubs, all three when minding my own business by three men I'd never spoken to or interacted with)
It sometimes helps to see it from the other side.
Absolutely agree with having to be forceful. When I first started my swinging journey I let my guard down when playing in a closed, but unlocked private room, a single man thought it was acceptable to sneak in and fuck me, I thought it was one of the other guys. No way did I consent to that, yes it was r%$e. How did that affect me? It turned me into a very cautious, hard, cynical bitch. Only now I have someone who totally has my back. Now if my approach offends someone who oversteps the mark then I do not give a fuck. There are some vile individuals out there. Protect yourselves ladies, find your loud voice and use it. Men - respect boundaries and dont be predatory creeps and couples - look out for each other. "
How did he sneak in and fuck you?
Didn't you have your eyes opened?
Did you report it to the police? |
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"Not exactly a ringing endorsement for clubs reading some of the bad experiences from both sides. I'm curious to know how often these things happen?
Most people in most clubs are respectful. There are badly run clubs. There are bad apples and rude people.
Pick a good club, have a slightly thick skin, be prepared to stand up for yourself, and you'll be fine.
That’s one way of looking at it, however things can change quickly.
I’m in a chat group and there are 6 women there. Want to guess how many have been sexually assaulted?
All of them.
They’re all strong women but unfortunately it happens. Not often, but it’s happened more than once to each of them.
The advice above for women is fine but it doesn’t always work and actually it’s really missing the point. The advice should be to blokes (I know some women do it too but let’s use the statistics) and the advice should be to not assault women.
Just because someone is in a club and they’re naked, doesn’t mean they want to do something with you. They might say no to be polite, they might say fuck off because you’re the tenth bloke in 10 minutes.
You can take that rudeness because the stakes are high. Worst case for a bloke: you’re slightly offended. Worst case for a woman: she gets sexually assaulted.
To the OP, I’m sorry you were sworn at and I agree that most people in most clubs most of the time are fine. But when something goes wrong and a friend of yours is sexually assaulted (we all know the other word for this that we can’t type here) then the damage goes on for years. You’ll have forgotten being sworn at by the day after tomorrow
This. Exactly this.
There is no need for rudeness to people, but there is sometimes need to be forceful.
I've been sexually assaulted 3 times (not in clubs, all three when minding my own business by three men I'd never spoken to or interacted with)
It sometimes helps to see it from the other side.
Absolutely agree with having to be forceful. When I first started my swinging journey I let my guard down when playing in a closed, but unlocked private room, a single man thought it was acceptable to sneak in and fuck me, I thought it was one of the other guys. No way did I consent to that, yes it was r%$e. How did that affect me? It turned me into a very cautious, hard, cynical bitch. Only now I have someone who totally has my back. Now if my approach offends someone who oversteps the mark then I do not give a fuck. There are some vile individuals out there. Protect yourselves ladies, find your loud voice and use it. Men - respect boundaries and dont be predatory creeps and couples - look out for each other.
How did he sneak in and fuck you?
Didn't you have your eyes opened?
Did you report it to the police? "
Always have one trustworthy person there to watch your back when it's a group session. If you don't know the other people in the room just tell them when things get started to keep an eye out. Fact that nobody you were with did so makes them nearly as bad imo x |
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