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A couples perspective of single males in clubs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey fabbers
I was chatting to the wife about the club and thought if I was a single male then I'd definitely go to a club on my own as it's extremely hard to find a single female swinger who would take you as there's nothing in it for her so all that really leaves is going with other single male friends or solo.
Me and my wife regularly attend our nearest club and we do like to play MMF with the right single guy. However as a couple in a club we have found that groups of single males who are clearly out together in the club can be quite intimidating even just a pair males out together and and a number of other couples we know also tend to stay well clear of any groups of 2 or more. As the night develops some of these males are stuck to thier wingman / wingmen and they end up becoming the walking towel zombies who follow us couples and single women around, sometimes from room to room / area to area in their pack. Having them chatting to each other whilst both / all are stood in the door area to a playroom or in close proximity to us in an open playarea whilst me and my wife are starting to playg is what we can find intimidating / uncomfortable for us.
The flip side is we find it no problem when a single male comes up to us first and chats to us in the bar or is politely watching us play on his own (not chatting to a wingman in a towel) and this often leads to an invite to join us.
In our local club many of the play rooms have lockable doors and most of the couple's will take a single male they have been chatting to bar area first in a room with them and then they lock the rest out so they best the group of males gets is to watch via viewing panel depending on the type of room. The totally private rooms always get snapped up first often by a couple and a single male off to play together.
Thinking about it when we have had MMMF play and play with a number of males joining at different points all the males we invited to join us were all there independently and not in a group / pair of friends etc.
Just our experiences we love the club scene had some amazing nights we can't recommend it enough clubs are a great place for single males to go to and get invited to play, gain verifications and get settled into the lifestyle.
I've in part posted this in case any single males are thinking of going to a club for the first time and are trying to decide if they should go alone or with other male friends.
J K x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find it awkward that they just follow you around without saying anything. "
Yeah no hi or anything just mute.
Even worse though last month was 3 guys who were just watching and following people playing whilst been completed wrapped up in the own conversation even talking about what they were who they were seeing etc without making any effort to talk to us / the people they were stalking around the club.
One group of 3 guys who had clearly came together when they did finally speak to us was to say "can WE (pointing to his 2 mates next time him) join in" sorry but no chance. Surely they should be able to understand that's intimidating and will put most (not saying all) couples / single women right off.
J K x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting to hear from the other perspective. I would go to a club alone but feel shy and isolated, but being part of a towel zombie pack would feel worse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it awkward that they just follow you around without saying anything. "
I appreciate it’s hard for the single male full stop, whether it be on here or in a club setting but some just follow say nothing and then ask to join in with little effort to make a connection, don’t get me wrong that might be ok on a greedy girls night, but we like it when they have a dance and a flirt and show some personality because it’s not given the fact a lady is in a club she’s going to drop her panties at the first offer and I think a small percentage assume that. We think everyone who attends a club whether it be single males or couples as well because they can be just as intimidating, make the effort flirt dance be social and it pays dividends not only for the yourselves but it makes the evening more enjoyable for everyone.. x
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"I find most single guys just assume that couples are looking for other couples which isn’t always the case."
If they're there on a mixed night, there's a good chance they aren't only looking for couples.
You can never assume anything about anyone in a club. The only way to find out is to talk with them. |
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I find that single guys are often not wanting to approach for fear of coming across as pushy... so if I like the look of someone be it as a couple or single.. I say hi to them.
The comment on the original post about even 2 guys seeming intimidating.. well remember your a pair too if a couple and can seem intimidating to the guys...
I've found this after years of talking to guys. |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
Hmm...I have thought many a time of going to a club and approaching couples with another male partner in crime....but we’d be both bisexuals...I guess that’s also intimidating? It has put me in thought now... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find that single guys are often not wanting to approach for fear of coming across as pushy... so if I like the look of someone be it as a couple or single.. I say hi to them.
The comment on the original post about even 2 guys seeming intimidating.. well remember your a pair too if a couple and can seem intimidating to the guys...
I've found this after years of talking to guys. "
Im sure it may be intimidating for a single guy to approach a couple but ultimately that's exactly why many single males have gone there to meet and hopefully play with a couple.
I don't think many couples (though some might and certainly do on a greedy girls nights) go to meet a group of single males who are out together. That for me is the difference.
We go as a couple as that's what we are offering. If single males want to play as a single male then you'll have more success going as what you are I.e a single male.
I've seen groups of single males bounding about a club together all getting d*unk kinda like there in a normal nightclub and taking that approach has had a negative impact on a number of couple's and single women during an evening.
Thankfully the club we use doesn't really allow it and polices it really well but our previous club was really bad for it. It was like gangs of males have been let in together (for the ££ I guess) after they have been on the town getting pissed. They can be pushy and encourage each other in all the wrong ways.
I only speak from experience but single males on thier own are more likely to be there as genuine swingers fully understanding of the need for good manners, the importance of been respectful and what the rules actually are.
Groups of single males especially those drinking tend to be less swingers and more a group of mates who didn't pull in town and figured a swinging club will be an easy place to get laid. Going so far as thinking as they have paid to get in that then entitles them to get laid and they tend to have little knowledge of the scene, boundaries, rules and etiquette.
All I'm saying ultimately is the most successful single guys in the clubs in our experience tend to be the ones who go alone. Plus after a few visits they get to know different people anyway so they very much become part of the club the same as regular couples do.
J K x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Benny hill sketch comes to mind, older people will get this, as they run in a line after couples going into the play area.
Once at quest a couple was giving us the eye to join them in the Jacuzzi by the time we'd crossed the floor 5 guys had literally jumped in it. We did laugh. Usually now only go on couples and single female nights it's much easier. Mr  |
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"Hey fabbers
I was chatting to the wife about the club and thought if I was a single male then I'd definitely go to a club on my own as it's extremely hard to find a single female swinger who would take you as there's nothing in it for her so all that really leaves is going with other single male friends or solo.
Me and my wife regularly attend our nearest club and we do like to play MMF with the right single guy. However as a couple in a club we have found that groups of single males who are clearly out together in the club can be quite intimidating even just a pair males out together and and a number of other couples we know also tend to stay well clear of any groups of 2 or more. As the night develops some of these males are stuck to thier wingman / wingmen and they end up becoming the walking towel zombies who follow us couples and single women around, sometimes from room to room / area to area in their pack. Having them chatting to each other whilst both / all are stood in the door area to a playroom or in close proximity to us in an open playarea whilst me and my wife are starting to playg is what we can find intimidating / uncomfortable for us.
The flip side is we find it no problem when a single male comes up to us first and chats to us in the bar or is politely watching us play on his own (not chatting to a wingman in a towel) and this often leads to an invite to join us.
In our local club many of the play rooms have lockable doors and most of the couple's will take a single male they have been chatting to bar area first in a room with them and then they lock the rest out so they best the group of males gets is to watch via viewing panel depending on the type of room. The totally private rooms always get snapped up first often by a couple and a single male off to play together.
Thinking about it when we have had MMMF play and play with a number of males joining at different points all the males we invited to join us were all there independently and not in a group / pair of friends etc.
Just our experiences we love the club scene had some amazing nights we can't recommend it enough clubs are a great place for single males to go to and get invited to play, gain verifications and get settled into the lifestyle.
I've in part posted this in case any single males are thinking of going to a club for the first time and are trying to decide if they should go alone or with other male friends.
J K x"
i stopped going to clubs in this country because i watch single guys follow couples and single fems around and thought i dont want that to be me looking like some desperado I general have success but only by chatting as i would do in any other social situation most times you do have to break the ice though only on 4 or 5 occaions have i been approached even although i am past my sell by date |
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By *azpiz1Man
over a year ago
Camberley |
As a single guy, I have attended clubs on my own, and seen the "groups" of single guys (towel zombies made me lol!  ) I've often wondered about how a club decides how many to let in - in my (very small) experience, single guys way outnumber couples, and I've not seen any single ladies..
It "feels" like it's all about the money for the club... 
Personally, I find it intimidating to approach and chat to a couple. |
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By *inaryGuyMan
over a year ago
Near the River |
"Hey fabbers
I was chatting to the wife about the club and thought if I was a single male then I'd definitely go to a club on my own as it's extremely hard to find a single female swinger who would take you as there's nothing in it for her so all that really leaves is going with other single male friends or solo.
Me and my wife regularly attend our nearest club and we do like to play MMF with the right single guy. However as a couple in a club we have found that groups of single males who are clearly out together in the club can be quite intimidating even just a pair males out together and and a number of other couples we know also tend to stay well clear of any groups of 2 or more. As the night develops some of these males are stuck to thier wingman / wingmen and they end up becoming the walking towel zombies who follow us couples and single women around, sometimes from room to room / area to area in their pack. Having them chatting to each other whilst both / all are stood in the door area to a playroom or in close proximity to us in an open playarea whilst me and my wife are starting to playg is what we can find intimidating / uncomfortable for us.
The flip side is we find it no problem when a single male comes up to us first and chats to us in the bar or is politely watching us play on his own (not chatting to a wingman in a towel) and this often leads to an invite to join us.
In our local club many of the play rooms have lockable doors and most of the couple's will take a single male they have been chatting to bar area first in a room with them and then they lock the rest out so they best the group of males gets is to watch via viewing panel depending on the type of room. The totally private rooms always get snapped up first often by a couple and a single male off to play together.
Thinking about it when we have had MMMF play and play with a number of males joining at different points all the males we invited to join us were all there independently and not in a group / pair of friends etc.
Just our experiences we love the club scene had some amazing nights we can't recommend it enough clubs are a great place for single males to go to and get invited to play, gain verifications and get settled into the lifestyle.
I've in part posted this in case any single males are thinking of going to a club for the first time and are trying to decide if they should go alone or with other male friends.
J K x"
Thanks for your very honest view and encouragement to guys. I think some guys do themselves no favours -they don't employ the social pleasantries, hide behind other guys and then simply grab like a free for all and treat all parties like a greedy girls party. |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
I apologise for the off-topic but for the single guy who wants to approach couples, let's not forget that crowds of men can be equally as intimidating as trying to speak to a couple that one fancies. It makes you think that by the time you pluck the courage to approach a couple, they will already have been fed up with the towel zombies, as another poster has classed them (  ), and they won't want to see another guy for the evening... |
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Went to a club last night for first time and fell foul of the assumption that a couple are looking for another couple.
Chatted to a few couples during the night but failed to read the signs doh!
But did notice the male “wanderers” |
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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago
swingers clubs |
We dont mind pairs or more of males joining us 
Sometimes it is difficult to split the wing men up though when only one takes her fancy.
By all means go to a club with a pal but perhaps show a bit of independence too |
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This has been very informative. I'm new to swinging and fab so on a journey of discovery. It gives an insight and helps to guide. Many thanks. I'm in Spain full time so do wonder if that's any different? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As a single guy, I have attended clubs on my own, and seen the "groups" of single guys (towel zombies made me lol! ) I've often wondered about how a club decides how many to let in - in my (very small) experience, single guys way outnumber couples, and I've not seen any single ladies..
It "feels" like it's all about the money for the club...
Personally, I find it intimidating to approach and chat to a couple."
Sounds like the first club we went to those are the types of clubs to avoid.
Thankfully there are much better clubs out there who tightly control the volumes of single males depending on the night type. Select trusted single males on couples night, mix of trusted regular single males and new single males on mixed night, more single males than couples and females on greedy girls night and so on.
In the first club we used to go to like then one you described the last time we went we had to tell a gang of pissed single males to back the fuck off because they thought they had the right to demand my wife take her clothes off and go get into the playroom to get fucked seriously!.
In our current club the ethos is woman rule period, no means no,stop means stop immediately always ask "can I join you" before you ever invade somebody's space / try to touch them. You fall foul you get banned.
Just to add when my wife has seen a single male in the bar who's maybe made eye contact etc then a number of times we have been the ones to go over and say hello intros go both ways.
If you are a single guy in a club my advice would be if you approach a couple make sure you engage with and chat to the guy as much as the female
It's does matter if your well endowed or not, Brad Pitt or a Greek adonas gym fit type as the most important factors for us anyway is your personality, good manners and above all are you respectful. Ultimately your hoping a loving couple are going to invite you to join them in a very intimate and special part of thier relationship be mindful of that, respect that and you won't go wrong
Another poster pointed out that gangs of single d*unk men can be just as intimidating to the single guys out on thier own which I imagine it is thinking about it.
J K x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As we are not interested in single males we find a lot of them can’t take the hint
When we were down south our local club jaydees introduced wrist bands
Seemed to make a difference a guy looking for fun would only approach those with bands indicating they were male friendly |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"If you are a single guy in a club my advice would be if you approach a couple make sure you engage with and chat to the guy as much as the female "
I've found that often one of the couple is much chattier than the other, and most of the conversation ends up with them, with the other one sitting and listening. If it's an interesting conversation that you're having for its own sake (not because you think this is a hoop you have to jump through) it doesn't matter which of the couple it is. Of course, if the quieter one starts yawning it's time to change the subject
Your current club sounds rather a lot like one that I know. They've built a really good atmosphere there.
I haven't encountered the gangs of d*unk men yet, but a few times I've walked into a room to see one woman surrounded by men. I generally walk straight out, even if she's someone I've spoken with earlier. I figure she probably doesn't want yet another man. This might not be the right thing to do. I don't know. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Hey fabbers
I was chatting to the wife about the club and thought if I was a single male then I'd definitely go to a club on my own as it's extremely hard to find a single female swinger who would take you as there's nothing in it for her so all that really leaves is going with other single male friends or solo.
Me and my wife regularly attend our nearest club and we do like to play MMF with the right single guy. However as a couple in a club we have found that groups of single males who are clearly out together in the club can be quite intimidating even just a pair males out together and and a number of other couples we know also tend to stay well clear of any groups of 2 or more. As the night develops some of these males are stuck to thier wingman / wingmen and they end up becoming the walking towel zombies who follow us couples and single women around, sometimes from room to room / area to area in their pack. Having them chatting to each other whilst both / all are stood in the door area to a playroom or in close proximity to us in an open playarea whilst me and my wife are starting to playg is what we can find intimidating / uncomfortable for us.
The flip side is we find it no problem when a single male comes up to us first and chats to us in the bar or is politely watching us play on his own (not chatting to a wingman in a towel) and this often leads to an invite to join us.
In our local club many of the play rooms have lockable doors and most of the couple's will take a single male they have been chatting to bar area first in a room with them and then they lock the rest out so they best the group of males gets is to watch via viewing panel depending on the type of room. The totally private rooms always get snapped up first often by a couple and a single male off to play together.
Thinking about it when we have had MMMF play and play with a number of males joining at different points all the males we invited to join us were all there independently and not in a group / pair of friends etc.
Just our experiences we love the club scene had some amazing nights we can't recommend it enough clubs are a great place for single males to go to and get invited to play, gain verifications and get settled into the lifestyle.
I've in part posted this in case any single males are thinking of going to a club for the first time and are trying to decide if they should go alone or with other male friends.
J K x"
can i say a couple of things because i think we go to the same club and have never crossed paths... probably go on different nights..
1) love what you posted...
2) it gets the point of what i say to other single guys... which is BLOODY TALK TO PEOPLE!!!!!!
all conversations start with hello....
hello is a lovely neutral word
hello isn't codeword for anything else but hello!!!!
3) you never find out what people may or may not be into unless you talk to them.... and then it comes back to that "hello" thing....
4) you stand out more if you say hello (see the recurring theme) that if you just plod round circling like a lost lamb..... |
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This is a really interesting thread.
I try to avoid going alone as, although I'm not a 'shy' person it can be difficult/awkward to speak to people in clubs. Definitely not so fun sitting quietly in the corner! Getting the balance right between being engaging and not being pushy I'd say is an art that needs to be learned!
I never quite get the hoards of wanking zombies that patrol so many clubs. Though I'd say its good exercise. I'm tempted to put a Fitbit on one of them to see how many steps they clock up in a night. |
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"I apologise for the off-topic but for the single guy who wants to approach couples, let's not forget that crowds of men can be equally as intimidating as trying to speak to a couple that one fancies. It makes you think that by the time you pluck the courage to approach a couple, they will already have been fed up with the towel zombies, as another poster has classed them ( ), and they won't want to see another guy for the evening..."
True but your not gonna get anywhere just staring at a couple with your cock out. I understand people are shy but grow some balls man. |
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Had the puffed out chest guys trying to barge between me and N as if to try to be alpha, the zombies following us around and people who just walk in and sit on the edge of the hot tub next to N and start wanking as if she will be so turned on by the dead look in their eyes, she will have to have them there and then lol.
All we want is for people to come and talk to us. We can guarantee that you'll be more successful that way |
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"Had the puffed out chest guys trying to barge between me and N as if to try to be alpha, the zombies following us around and people who just walk in and sit on the edge of the hot tub next to N and start wanking as if she will be so turned on by the dead look in their eyes, she will have to have them there and then lol.
All we want is for people to come and talk to us. We can guarantee that you'll be more successful that way "
What about when the male half goes to the toilet and the single guys think, she's alone now here's my chance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Quite informative post OP. I felt the same when I went to one of central London spa. Towel zombies follow each and every couples with expectation of play, without saying a single word. Initially they were 2 guys, latter become 4-5 members group. I was avoiding and walking away from group and after sometime, I started chatting with guy in smoke area just to kill the time. Than one lady came to smoke (she was in financial advisory job as I am and we both started chatting on brexit topic and financial implications/border tax etc.) it was going good but my bad luck chord strikes and 2 guys from zombie group came and tried to engage her in sexual chat, she was completelly pissed off and told them I am more into girls, gave me smile and went inside club pack her bag and gone. One thing I learn never be part of zombie group for which every parents have warned to their kids (that day I felt it's time tested Noble advice ( ), but no harm to talk guys, if you are alone in club, if urge is high and you were not lucky, go home wank and sleep instead of ruining other's fun. |
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"Had the puffed out chest guys trying to barge between me and N as if to try to be alpha, the zombies following us around and people who just walk in and sit on the edge of the hot tub next to N and start wanking as if she will be so turned on by the dead look in their eyes, she will have to have them there and then lol.
All we want is for people to come and talk to us. We can guarantee that you'll be more successful that way
What about when the male half goes to the toilet and the single guys think, she's alone now here's my chance. "
That's only happened once and to be fair it was the one guy that's approached us at a club and talked. Seemed a really nice guy but it was early in the night and we didn't see him again. Typical lol. |
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Not our choice, we tend to avoid and only go on couples nights as its fun with other couples for us. Singles isn't swinging its just sex. So great that there are different clubs and nights for all needs |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"Strange how all the men posting on here are nothing like the towel zombies that everyone seems to regale against . Lots of white knighting going on again"
Nobody is being a white knight, I wouldn’t think...it’s about some rudimentary level of finesse at the end. When there are couples that one wants to approach and break the ice by greeting etc, it is intimidating and annoying having to go through an impenetrable wall of men who circle couples, stand silent and with one hand on the dick. It makes some of us think that we don’t stand a chance. Not every night is a “greedy woman” themed night. |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"I apologise for the off-topic but for the single guy who wants to approach couples, let's not forget that crowds of men can be equally as intimidating as trying to speak to a couple that one fancies. It makes you think that by the time you pluck the courage to approach a couple, they will already have been fed up with the towel zombies, as another poster has classed them ( ), and they won't want to see another guy for the evening...
I was meaning that packs of single men are intimidating even for single men on their own x
True but your not gonna get anywhere just staring at a couple with your cock out. I understand people are shy but grow some balls man. "
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"Had the puffed out chest guys trying to barge between me and N as if to try to be alpha, the zombies following us around and people who just walk in and sit on the edge of the hot tub next to N and start wanking as if she will be so turned on by the dead look in their eyes, she will have to have them there and then lol.
All we want is for people to come and talk to us. We can guarantee that you'll be more successful that way
What about when the male half goes to the toilet and the single guys think, she's alone now here's my chance. "
Pmsl! This happened to me and a friend when we visited Chams, I went for a pee in the little loo on the landing, and literally as soon as the door closed behind me, she was being hit on! It was quite amusing listening to the guys chatting her up, and when I opened the door, they both just looked at me, then walked away.  |
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"Strange how all the men posting on here are nothing like the towel zombies that everyone seems to regale against . Lots of white knighting going on again
Nobody is being a white knight, I wouldn’t think...it’s about some rudimentary level of finesse at the end. When there are couples that one wants to approach and break the ice by greeting etc, it is intimidating and annoying having to go through an impenetrable wall of men who circle couples, stand silent and with one hand on the dick. It makes some of us think that we don’t stand a chance. Not every night is a “greedy woman” themed night."
Greedy women also like men to have manners. |
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"Strange how all the men posting on here are nothing like the towel zombies that everyone seems to regale against . Lots of white knighting going on again"
i take it your the white knight for the towel zombies then
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"Strange how all the men posting on here are nothing like the towel zombies that everyone seems to regale against . Lots of white knighting going on again
Nobody is being a white knight, I wouldn’t think...it’s about some rudimentary level of finesse at the end. When there are couples that one wants to approach and break the ice by greeting etc, it is intimidating and annoying having to go through an impenetrable wall of men who circle couples, stand silent and with one hand on the dick. It makes some of us think that we don’t stand a chance. Not every night is a “greedy woman” themed night.
Greedy women also like men to have manners."
True, that. It may have not been specified by how I wrote it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From my perspective when a single guy comes and talks to Kirsty and ignores I find it really rude and dismissive of me. From that point on the guy has no chance at all.
We also find that no one really talks to us much because we look so different! We’ve been told we look intimidating and people feel fat around us when all we want to do is fuck and watch each other fuck! Confidence is sexy, arrogance is not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Towel zombies....awesome.
Like many couples, we have had some mixed experiences with single guys at clubs.
Some, especially ‘lone’ guys, have been polite, and have received a welcome to join us.
The worst, we find, are the ‘pack hunters’....one of them sits in the bar, one in the jacuzzi, one near playrooms....as soon as a couple show interest, the ‘scout’ runs off, and, a few mins later, the ‘pack’ arrive, and try to muscle in and ‘claim’ the couple as theirs..... |
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"As a single guy, I have attended clubs on my own, and seen the "groups" of single guys (towel zombies made me lol! ) I've often wondered about how a club decides how many to let in - in my (very small) experience, single guys way outnumber couples, and I've not seen any single ladies..
It "feels" like it's all about the money for the club...
Personally, I find it intimidating to approach and chat to a couple.
Sounds like the first club we went to those are the types of clubs to avoid.
Thankfully there are much better clubs out there who tightly control the volumes of single males depending on the night type. Select trusted single males on couples night, mix of trusted regular single males and new single males on mixed night, more single males than couples and females on greedy girls night and so on.
In the first club we used to go to like then one you described the last time we went we had to tell a gang of pissed single males to back the fuck off because they thought they had the right to demand my wife take her clothes off and go get into the playroom to get fucked seriously!.
In our current club the ethos is woman rule period, no means no,stop means stop immediately always ask "can I join you" before you ever invade somebody's space / try to touch them. You fall foul you get banned.
Just to add when my wife has seen a single male in the bar who's maybe made eye contact etc then a number of times we have been the ones to go over and say hello intros go both ways.
If you are a single guy in a club my advice would be if you approach a couple make sure you engage with and chat to the guy as much as the female
It's does matter if your well endowed or not, Brad Pitt or a Greek adonas gym fit type as the most important factors for us anyway is your personality, good manners and above all are you respectful. Ultimately your hoping a loving couple are going to invite you to join them in a very intimate and special part of thier relationship be mindful of that, respect that and you won't go wrong
Another poster pointed out that gangs of single d*unk men can be just as intimidating to the single guys out on thier own which I imagine it is thinking about it.
J K x"
defo sounds like we used the same clubs , the 1 where pissed up men are let in, we were coming out 1 at 3 am they let 3 lads in 1 mortal there was only a hour to go and pretty empty .same night lads walking around the maze trying to grab some ass as walking past no convo ended with having to tell them to fuck off ,the 1 we used had 5 lads in who had been given the tour told the rules then sat in the lounge on there phones instead of going into the bar and least chatting , 1 fella pays in gets changed into towel and sits outside playrooms waiting till cpls come to play if sees nowt complains about what its cost him to get in and seen nowt,we now go into locked room because of his attitude,also had 1 lad complaining we had curtains up when we told him we could see him plain as day there was no curtains up a full 5 minutes we had of that till another told to fuck off end of day people playing owe the watchers nowt ,we maybe like watchers from time to time or someone to join us but we aint there to entertain them simple as.also seen groups of lads join walk around together thats ok but bit off putting whe n you leave your seat and bang they off on there heels 2ft behind you . |
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I not been to a club on my own for years (bar a local club where the regulars know me, but that was more to chill with freinds while my partner was at work round the corner). Genrally on my own you'd find me in the bar with a mischievous smile, drink in hand and some conversation if you have a liking for odd balls with something different to say. I never seen any advantage, desire or enjoyment to join the groups of men walking around the club or harassing people. Not that I'm anti social, far from it, just makes me feel cringy thinking about it.
To be fair I was never really intrested in just being a spare piece or simply for someone to get off on. What's important to me is that people actually desire me, enjoy my company and are intrested. So I could never feel sexy, in the moment and enjoy myself if I didn't feel completely 100% welcome. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I must say I go clubbing a reasonable amour . Sometimes I am happy to watch and wank. Sometimes can be centre of a attention and sometimes I just have a natter . It depends on what I am feeling at that point in time |
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"As a single guy, it can be very difficult sometimes. It feels like we're the bottom of the food chain. "
Yeah agree with this but met some lovely people at clubs and I always just treat it as social and if I’m lucky enough to play then that’s a bonus. I always attend clubs on my own but would be great to meet a woman to go to clubs with regularly, although accept that this is unlikely. x |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
On the flip side, I can find some couples more intimidating than single guys as some have a sense of entitlement just because they are a couple. Never rrally had this with singles in clubs. I think the OP is right in saying about numbers though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We regularly go to Abfabs/Kestrels and whilst there are always more single men than couples, we don't find them a problem. We prefer the single men who can have an interesting conversation, but even those that can’t are usually polite and always take no for an answer.
Those that are pushy are usually the ones who get nothing! |
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Whilst I don’t visit clubs very often especially since the demise of Kestrels excited about new one opening though - my only comment is that you don’t have to join the towel zombies - When I have been fortunate to have fun with a lady or couple it’s been by not being part of the “patrols” rather more the opposite - making eye contact recognising the signs / body language - start some general chat and see where it goes - I remember a few years ago At Kestrels there was a couple in the pool and I made eye contact a number of times with the lady after a while exchanging smiles etc I walked over to the pool and got in to which she then said “ About time you joined me “ Result and a good time was had by all - Also sometimes you might just have a chat with a lady and nothing seems to happen but maybe hour or so later when maybe she’s fed up with being pestered she will come back up to you and ask if you fancy some fun or maybe less direct - Yes i’d Like to experience the different chemistry of going with a lady but that probably has to be someone you’ve met previously or maybe built up a good rapport with online
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This is fascinating! Yes I would say ideally the single men should just approach and speak to a couple normally as you would in a bar. If the missus is showing interest, you will know!
Just following around without saying a word is awful. |
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Lots of times couples who are new are desperate for a chat. One trick as above is to say hello then pull more people in. All of a sudden you have a group of ten or so and if it feels right move on to somewhere more comfortable. And then you are Mr Conviviality in the middle of the action. |
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I have to agree with the just following around or getting an inch or two away as I play with the guy I'm with to watch or wank isn't nice. Give people space unless they invite you closer. Chat to people in the social areas when they are relaxing. If they are playing in an open area and looking around, it's a good indication they are looking for someone to join in, wait for them to wave you in. Please please don't just follow and stare. And don't wank an inch from their heads or faces when they don't realise just because you want a closer look. Don't grab feet under locked playroom doors or knock on them. I've been alone in a hot tub with a guy just staring at me. I'm a little shy and had he said hi and got chatting I'd have definitely gone to a room with him. Unfortunately he only said hi after on here...wasted opportunity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it hard to even socialise. Possibly because by being sociable they think your going to pounce.
Im regularly snubbed possibly due to this, usually i just relax in the sauna or jacuzzi and leave them to it |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"I have to agree with the just following around or getting an inch or two away as I play with the guy I'm with to watch or wank isn't nice. Give people space unless they invite you closer. Chat to people in the social areas when they are relaxing. If they are playing in an open area and looking around, it's a good indication they are looking for someone to join in, wait for them to wave you in. Please please don't just follow and stare. And don't wank an inch from their heads or faces when they don't realise just because you want a closer look. Don't grab feet under locked playroom doors or knock on them. I've been alone in a hot tub with a guy just staring at me. I'm a little shy and had he said hi and got chatting I'd have definitely gone to a room with him. Unfortunately he only said hi after on here...wasted opportunity. "
 I’m usually the rascal who will always make my presence known in an open room with a cheery ‘hi, how’s everyone’, or anywhere where people are playing, rather than just staring. If people don’t respond to me, that’s a sign—to me—that they’re not that keen on having somebody else joining them.
I also don’t know if people agree or not but I might touch somebody on the hand, if they’re playing in close proximity to me. That’s because I think touching on the hand is a neutral zone and I can be easily waved away if they don’t want me...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I also don’t know if people agree or not but I might touch somebody on the hand, if they’re playing in close proximity to me. That’s because I think touching on the hand is a neutral zone and I can be easily waved away if they don’t want me... "
Every club I have been has a very firm no touching rule in the play areas before gaining verbal consent.
On our first night in a swingers club I was going down on my wife (so it was hard to keep an eye and the room) and without us knowing a single male had sat right next to us on the bed and he tried stroking my wife's foot she jumped and kicked his hand away. We stopped as it ruined the mood for her and we left the room. There was at least 5 other guys in their some wanking but all keeping a respectful distance and they didn't seem happy with the guy who grabbed her foot. One of them even apologized about what happened as we were leaving the room.
J K x |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"
I also don’t know if people agree or not but I might touch somebody on the hand, if they’re playing in close proximity to me. That’s because I think touching on the hand is a neutral zone and I can be easily waved away if they don’t want me...
Every club I have been has a very firm no touching rule in the play areas before gaining verbal consent.
On our first night in a swingers club I was going down on my wife (so it was hard to keep an eye and the room) and without us knowing a single male had sat right next to us on the bed and he tried stroking my wife's foot she jumped and kicked his hand away. We stopped as it ruined the mood for her and we left the room. There was at least 5 other guys in their some wanking but all keeping a respectful distance and they didn't seem happy with the guy who grabbed her foot. One of them even apologized about what happened as we were leaving the room.
J K x"
That’s fair enough I guess. Also I guess the situation and the club I was at when I touched somebody was particular I suppose and it did lead to my playing with the people involved. I didn’t just do it straight out of nowhere. But, I can always respect a club’s rules x |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
I also think—I’m not making this up, I promise—that swingers’ clubs of different nationalities have almost significantly different ethos. Yes, of course the respect towards a ‘no’ is universal but, for example the Dutch clubs in Gran Canaria that I have visited did not all have lockable private rooms. One of them has rooms whose doors close and you’re welcome to open it up when people have sex, but then when you’re faced with a ‘no’ you have to leave. So, they count on the good faith of the visitors, which is both welcoming and risky at the same time x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d like to see *more* sociable single men in clubs. I’ve often spent time in clubs being ignored or stared at by the wanking dead brigade but not able to identify a single man who DOESN’T look like they wouldn’t either run away and hide or immediately start stroking their cock if I went up to them and said hello.
I don’t think the Wanking Dead have fab profiles. It’s s different type of person. |
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Everyone is welcome, especially if they present good socially appropriate behavior. There are some people who behave as if they are holographic depictions of people who appear to have no social awareness of others, almost as if others don't exist - so their behavior doesn't then fit the immediate environment. If there does appear awareness of you, amongst the others, they may glare and wank, try and out-manoever others, to get prime position, as if you'd just pick the closest cock to fuck you, as a reward for their patient wanking efforts, which you appreciate 
These groups may as well be anywhere, their behavior not really fitting the context - everyone else is just employed to supplement social interaction with their sexual needs.
Single men can be better, where they're respectful, wait for cues and invites and are socially friendly instead of socially vacant but sexually aggressive. |
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"I’d like to see *more* sociable single men in clubs. I’ve often spent time in clubs being ignored or stared at by the wanking dead brigade but not able to identify a single man who DOESN’T look like they wouldn’t either run away and hide or immediately start stroking their cock if I went up to them and said hello.
I don’t think the Wanking Dead have fab profiles. It’s s different type of person."
I think basically the man problem with these people is they are suffering from a combination of social anxiety and horniness. They don't know how to express themselves and they are probably still coping with all the shame issues the real world is grinding them down with. Honestly it's one of the reasons I find it hard to just suck it up and go to clubs on my own. They're all at least fifty miles away; I know nobody there at all in terms of familiar faces or friends to talk to, theres odd expectations and pressure to perform and I can imagine the whole thing is enough to push otherwise friendly sociable people into a wierd meltdown. I genuinely worry that even with the best intentions it's gonna cost me a lot of moolah just to have a bad time not interacting and being looked down on as a single guy, I can't guarantee or expect people to like me. All I know is that when I'm feeling anxious and nervy the last thing I'm in the mood for is masturbation lol |
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"Quite informative post OP. I felt the same when I went to one of central London spa. Towel zombies follow each and every couples with expectation of play, without saying a single word. Initially they were 2 guys, latter become 4-5 members group. I was avoiding and walking away from group and after sometime, I started chatting with guy in smoke area just to kill the time. Than one lady came to smoke (she was in financial advisory job as I am and we both started chatting on brexit topic and financial implications/border tax etc.) it was going good but my bad luck chord strikes and 2 guys from zombie group came and tried to engage her in sexual chat, she was completelly pissed off and told them I am more into girls, gave me smile and went inside club pack her bag and gone. One thing I learn never be part of zombie group for which every parents have warned to their kids (that day I felt it's time tested Noble advice ( ), but no harm to talk guys, if you are alone in club, if urge is high and you were not lucky, go home wank and sleep instead of ruining other's fun. "
I'm sure I know what club you mean without you even mentioning it by name! |
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We generally broadcast our attendance at a club on our status before going. If any singles contact us then we just invite then to introduce themselves that night....we think only about 25% do.
In addition we have been to many nights and clubs in the States, and most clubs there don’t allow unaccompanied sgl m into the playroom areas, they have to enter with a couple or Fem. If they then wander about they are immediately asked to leave the playspaces. This works really well in our eyes. No towel zombies at all.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been going clubs as a single male now over three years and yes I have been as a FB couple a few times but mostly as single.
I have met and played with some great couples and made friends with some have never played with.
But have seen some of the worst of couples over the years far worse then us wanking dead or towel zombies as you like to call us
Have to say I never walkaround wanking and only where towel in a wet club
Seen I old man in couple pestering a good looking young woman then say to here boyfriend when you going to let me fuck her real class he was.
Seen a bi woman in a couple that would not leave alone a straight woman on her first ever visit to a club I could go on with a few more
If your not interested in single men go places that are couple only but stop single man bashing just to make your self look big.
We are not all desperate fat and ugly LOL  |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"I have been going clubs as a single male now over three years and yes I have been as a FB couple a few times but mostly as single.
I have met and played with some great couples and made friends with some have never played with.
But have seen some of the worst of couples over the years far worse then us wanking dead or towel zombies as you like to call us
Have to say I never walkaround wanking and only where towel in a wet club
Seen I old man in couple pestering a good looking young woman then say to here boyfriend when you going to let me fuck her real class he was.
Seen a bi woman in a couple that would not leave alone a straight woman on her first ever visit to a club I could go on with a few more
If your not interested in single men go places that are couple only but stop single man bashing just to make your self look big.
We are not all desperate fat and ugly LOL "
No, we’re not all desperate, you’re right; but some couples are right about the single-man bashing some of the time. I’ve been to LC in Sheffield years ago and I remember two women kissing each other upstairs in the play room landing...well, there must have been at least a dozen blokes gawping at them. I left that spot immediately  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been going clubs as a single male now over three years and yes I have been as a FB couple a few times but mostly as single.
I have met and played with some great couples and made friends with some have never played with.
But have seen some of the worst of couples over the years far worse then us wanking dead or towel zombies as you like to call us
Have to say I never walkaround wanking and only where towel in a wet club
Seen I old man in couple pestering a good looking young woman then say to here boyfriend when you going to let me fuck her real class he was.
Seen a bi woman in a couple that would not leave alone a straight woman on her first ever visit to a club I could go on with a few more
If your not interested in single men go places that are couple only but stop single man bashing just to make your self look big.
We are not all desperate fat and ugly LOL
No, we’re not all desperate, you’re right; but some couples are right about the single-man bashing some of the time. I’ve been to LC in Sheffield years ago and I remember two women kissing each other upstairs in the play room landing...well, there must have been at least a dozen blokes gawping at them. I left that spot immediately "
Your right some single men are like what you say but we are a easy target for a quick power trip
Am someone as have GF FB or wife |
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The trick is to go to the right event at the right club
If you don’t want a lot of single guys, avoid greedy girl events or heavy m:f ratios. Go for events that have a more even ratio, or have a guestlist with a lot of single females too.
Different events are targeted at different demographics & preferences. If you want to play with couples & single females, then you’re not going to have a good night at an event with a 3:1 ratio!
Do your research. Find a club that doesn’t allow groups of single guys, or that has rules that are explained to all new guests. Speak to the owners or event hosts before hand to make sure the event you’re attending will suit you. A good club will tell you if there is a better event for you, or if this event isn’t really the best one for you.
As an event host, there is nothing worse than having guests at your event that are not enjoying themselves because it’s not the right fit for them. It’s much better to have people attend the right event and enjoy themselves!! |
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"The trick is to go to the right event at the right club
If you don’t want a lot of single guys, avoid greedy girl events or heavy m:f ratios. Go for events that have a more even ratio, or have a guestlist with a lot of single females too.
Different events are targeted at different demographics & preferences. If you want to play with couples & single females, then you’re not going to have a good night at an event with a 3:1 ratio!
Do your research. Find a club that doesn’t allow groups of single guys, or that has rules that are explained to all new guests. Speak to the owners or event hosts before hand to make sure the event you’re attending will suit you. A good club will tell you if there is a better event for you, or if this event isn’t really the best one for you.
As an event host, there is nothing worse than having guests at your event that are not enjoying themselves because it’s not the right fit for them. It’s much better to have people attend the right event and enjoy themselves!! "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have been going clubs as a single male now over three years and yes I have been as a FB couple a few times but mostly as single.
I have met and played with some great couples and made friends with some have never played with.
But have seen some of the worst of couples over the years far worse then us wanking dead or towel zombies as you like to call us
Have to say I never walkaround wanking and only where towel in a wet club
Seen I old man in couple pestering a good looking young woman then say to here boyfriend when you going to let me fuck her real class he was.
Seen a bi woman in a couple that would not leave alone a straight woman on her first ever visit to a club I could go on with a few more
If your not interested in single men go places that are couple only but stop single man bashing just to make your self look big.
We are not all desperate fat and ugly LOL
No, we’re not all desperate, you’re right; but some couples are right about the single-man bashing some of the time. I’ve been to LC in Sheffield years ago and I remember two women kissing each other upstairs in the play room landing...well, there must have been at least a dozen blokes gawping at them. I left that spot immediately
Your right some single men are like what you say but we are a easy target for a quick power trip
Am someone as have GF FB or wife "
It's not about bashing all singles males to look big etc it's about providing a perspective from the other side that hopefully helps and informs single males about the different ways to go about things that won't make others feel uncomfortable and will likely lead to much more success.
As I've said as a couple we like playing with single males, some of our best experiences have been with single males and we have had the pleasure of meeting and playing with some true gentleman in clubs. We have also experienced the flip side to that as well as discussed.
Like wise we have seen on occasion couples not cover themselves in glory in terms of thier behavior. There's also another relevant thread to discuss that so hopeful people can learn from.
If I was a couple or a single male considering going to a club for the first time and I was not sure what to expect or what to do I would find both threads really helpful.
Ultimately that was the aim to share experiences so that they me help and benefit others.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi thanks for this thread I've been thinking about a visit to Torquay but was put off by comments about single males looking like spare parts and not really involved.
Perhaps I'll give it a go. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Hi thanks for this thread I've been thinking about a visit to Torquay but was put off by comments about single males looking like spare parts and not really involved.
Perhaps I'll give it a go."
Swingers quay is a nice, friendly place, been there several times. Just treat people how you would at a social or night at the pub and you'll be fine. |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Hi thanks for this thread I've been thinking about a visit to Torquay but was put off by comments about single males looking like spare parts and not really involved."
There are single men and there are single men. Some behave in a way that makes them not welcome. Some behave in a way that makes them very welcome. Which group you're in is entirely up to you.
Don't let the (mis)behaviour of others discourage you from having a great time yourself. It's not hard to be one of the good ones. |
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I’ve been to Cupid’s a few times recently on Sundays with a female friend. We have both found it odd that not one single guy has come over to chat to us. It may be that we are looking for a single guy. They would never know. |
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Thanks OP, that's really helpful. I have thought about going to a club, probably Cupids, as a single male, but wondered what I would be like, how I would be perceived.
I was worried that I might be seen as a nuisance if I approached people, or that I might seem like a bit of a creep there by myself.
I now have an idea about the answers to those questions. Basically it's down to the way I act and the way I conduct myself.
I hope I would have done what you advised anyway, but it's good to have something to back that up.
Thanks again |
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"I’ve been to Cupid’s a few times recently on Sundays with a female friend. We have both found it odd that not one single guy has come over to chat to us. It may be that we are looking for a single guy. They would never know. "
Did either of you make any attempt to interact with any of the single guys? Perhaps they were just being polite, and waiting for a couple who smiled in their direction |
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We find groups of guys intimidating, and find the wanking dead amusing. We do play with single guys at clubs, but only the ones who ask if they can join in. For us we don't want a long conversation at the bar but say hi, then when we are playing ask if you can join in and if you have a nice knob (shallow I know) you're in. And if you have a bit of banter while we are playing perfect, it's all about fun isn't it.
What really gets us is the ones who dive in without asking only to get told its polite to ask first then they don't say anything and carry on watching and wanking. JUST ASK FFS. ?? ?? ?? |
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