FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Approaching someone in a club
Approaching someone in a club
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I never was any good at starting conversations with new people at any time let alone in a club situation, my wife despite being nervous manages fine but she does have the advantage of being a woman. I tend to be more comfortable with people approaching me although that's not a very successful strategy, I realise it's one of those things you've either got or you haven't but would still be interested in any views you may have.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Share your pain!
I just force force myself to go for it and say hello, try to start a conversation. Worst case they politely decline and I never have to see them again |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I still struggle with this. But it's good for me, so I force myself to do it.
On a shy night, I'll find a group of people already having a conversation, and join in as appropriate. When I'm feeling braver, I'll talk to a couple sitting near me. On a few rare occasions there has been a single woman sitting on her own looking bored. A friendly smile and "hello" is usually all that's needed. If they're interested a conversation will happen. If they're not, it'll be obvious pretty quickly.
If there's a couple huddled close having what is obviously a private conversation, I leave them alone. On the other hand, I have occasionally been part of that couple: we're only talking privately because we're shy, and would have welcomed someone joining us. That's for someone who is much better at reading social cues than I am.
The hot tub is a lot easier for conversation. It tends to just happen naturally. |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"How about "Hi how are you?". Or "Do you mind if I/we join you for a chat?". Often just a comment or compliment can start a conversation. What's the worst that could happen?"
Very true, but easier said than done but in practice. Very difficult for single guys. I went as a couple with FWB once to a club. It was a whole different experience. As a single, some couples are happy for the approach you mentioned, others can be quite rude and make you feel like a letch! |
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"How about "Hi how are you?". Or "Do you mind if I/we join you for a chat?". Often just a comment or compliment can start a conversation. What's the worst that could happen?
Very true, but easier said than done but in practice. Very difficult for single guys. I went as a couple with FWB once to a club. It was a whole different experience. As a single, some couples are happy for the approach you mentioned, others can be quite rude and make you feel like a letch!"
As someone who is usually approached... If they're rude, write them off. It says things about them, not you. I'm polite to anyone who approaches unless the approach is rude. |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"How about "Hi how are you?". Or "Do you mind if I/we join you for a chat?". Often just a comment or compliment can start a conversation. What's the worst that could happen?
Very true, but easier said than done but in practice. Very difficult for single guys. I went as a couple with FWB once to a club. It was a whole different experience. As a single, some couples are happy for the approach you mentioned, others can be quite rude and make you feel like a letch!
As someone who is usually approached... If they're rude, write them off. It says things about them, not you. I'm polite to anyone who approaches unless the approach is rude. "
I'm glad to hear that and always hope any approach I make is responded to accordingly. For me good manners and respect should be a given, anywhere, not just in a club. A swingers club should be no different! |
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What works for me being approached is this.
Small talk, not about sex. Be friendly. Don't stare at my body (I mean yes you're going to look, I know, but mostly the eyes are up here). Make me feel comfortable. (in a couple you do this talking to both of them). No set amount of time, really, watch body language (although I appreciate it can be difficult to gauge the difference between polite and interested). Then ask if I want to go somewhere else. |
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"How about "Hi how are you?". Or "Do you mind if I/we join you for a chat?". Often just a comment or compliment can start a conversation. What's the worst that could happen?
Very true, but easier said than done but in practice. Very difficult for single guys. I went as a couple with FWB once to a club. It was a whole different experience. As a single, some couples are happy for the approach you mentioned, others can be quite rude and make you feel like a letch!
As someone who is usually approached... If they're rude, write them off. It says things about them, not you. I'm polite to anyone who approaches unless the approach is rude.
I'm glad to hear that and always hope any approach I make is responded to accordingly. For me good manners and respect should be a given, anywhere, not just in a club. A swingers club should be no different!"
Definitely. I talk to anyone, it doesn't mean I'll play. The only time I'm even approaching rude is if an approach is particularly unskilled and I'm taken aback (or people are being unusually persistent hassling/ following me, or touching me more than once). |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Small talk, not about sex. Be friendly."
There you go again, saying the things that I swore I'd written, but somehow lost while editing.
Yes yes and yes. The social part of the evening is social. We talk about everything. Sex too, but not in a propositiony way - everyone's got some anecdotes that aren't really appropriate for other places (omit the names and details). It's been very educational (and rather eye-opening) hearing about the female side of the swinging life. Pay attention, men, you'll learn a lot of things to not do.
"Then ask if I want to go somewhere else. "
This is a part that I have a lot of trouble with. If I ever met you at a club, I'd be hoping that you would ask. It's safe to assume that if I'm talking with you, I'm interested. I'm just very shy about making that first approach.
Mostly, when I do find the courage to ask, it's in the play areas. If we've been talking before, then I'm not a creepy complete stranger. But also, if it's someone I've played with before, and I've got a reasonable expectation that the answer might be "yes", it's a lot easier to ask the question. |
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"I am absolutely useless at making the approach! And rarely to I get approached by others so I totally understand your worries x"
I hate feeling like I'm holding court or something. I'm not arrogant. Just shy. Lol. |
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I've also been shy when it comes to approaching people in a club but the last time I went to one I just decided to say hi to a certain lady and she said 'I've been hoping you come over and say hello. She took me up to one of the rooms and we had an amazing night |
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Thinking of the last approaches I used, I did this;
Went next to two girls at a bar... Wanted to be served. I said "Sorry ladies! I'm not listening to your conversation, I promise!" Then one replied, "I bet you are!", "Oh, nice accent, are you from....", Etc.
Another one, there were cakes at a party, I went up to another two girls who were near and said, "Hey, it's a good job you two are here guarding these cakes! I'd eat who whole lot otherwise!". Then they smile and said back "We've not seen you before, are you new?" Etc...
I guess, just don't think about it too much... Don't be nervous, just say anything really but be confident. |
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"Thinking of the last approaches I used, I did this;
Went next to two girls at a bar... Wanted to be served. I said "Sorry ladies! I'm not listening to your conversation, I promise!" Then one replied, "I bet you are!", "Oh, nice accent, are you from....", Etc.
Another one, there were cakes at a party, I went up to another two girls who were near and said, "Hey, it's a good job you two are here guarding these cakes! I'd eat who whole lot otherwise!". Then they smile and said back "We've not seen you before, are you new?" Etc...
I guess, just don't think about it too much... Don't be nervous, just say anything really but be confident."
This  A bit of banter. |
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The only chatty approach that's really fallen flat with me is moving to play too soon. I don't know where the line is, but "hi I'm x, this is my first time in a club, fancy a play?" is way too soon. |
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"Thinking of the last approaches I used, I did this;
Went next to two girls at a bar... Wanted to be served. I said "Sorry ladies! I'm not listening to your conversation, I promise!" Then one replied, "I bet you are!", "Oh, nice accent, are you from....", Etc.
Another one, there were cakes at a party, I went up to another two girls who were near and said, "Hey, it's a good job you two are here guarding these cakes! I'd eat who whole lot otherwise!". Then they smile and said back "We've not seen you before, are you new?" Etc...
I guess, just don't think about it too much... Don't be nervous, just say anything really but be confident.This A bit of banter."
Yeah, usually works for me. I was clubbing in a local town a few weeks ago though and got a rather direct "Ewww, no thanks! Goodbye!" reply. How rude! Most of the time it works great though! |
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Clubs are our social lifestyle, chatting and getting to know people at the bar is what it's about. Doesn't mean play happens but could do in future or just simply a chill. We're not into going into big room and playing with just anyone, needs to be attraction and connection. Making an effort to chat to people is so important xx |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
One important thing for the shy ones to remember is that a lot of people in a club will be there because they want to meet new people. Not everyone, of course, and a friendly chat doesn't mean play. But if it's a fear of rejection that's stopping you, a club is perhaps the best place to be. Most people I've met have been super friendly. |
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"One important thing for the shy ones to remember is that a lot of people in a club will be there because they want to meet new people. Not everyone, of course, and a friendly chat doesn't mean play. But if it's a fear of rejection that's stopping you, a club is perhaps the best place to be. Most people I've met have been super friendly."
That's so true. Doesn't prevent me being shy. Lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be friendly. Open. Non threatening body language and v important just smile..."
I am mindful of this and always try my best, however in my experience, within a very short space of time the man or the couple seem to think I'm initiating play, so I'm out off even trying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never was any good at starting conversations with new people at any time let alone in a club situation, my wife despite being nervous manages fine but she does have the advantage of being a woman. I tend to be more comfortable with people approaching me although that's not a very successful strategy, I realise it's one of those things you've either got or you haven't but would still be interested in any views you may have. "
What about a magic trick?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never was any good at starting conversations with new people at any time let alone in a club situation, my wife despite being nervous manages fine but she does have the advantage of being a woman. I tend to be more comfortable with people approaching me although that's not a very successful strategy, I realise it's one of those things you've either got or you haven't but would still be interested in any views you may have. "
Smile, say hello and take it from there, simple as that. Don’t over think things! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we were both singles in the club's we just love to be sociable, have a bit of banter and a chat with people. Now we are a couple at least we have each other to talk to .. It makes no difference to us as we are both very chatty and get on with anyone. We talk about lots of things and just love to get to know people on the scene even if we never have any fun with them . Just because we are nice doesn't necessarily mean that we will play .. That may happen later if the chemistry is right and no pressure from anyone we chat with. When we visit new club's we don't know anyone and seem to chat to a few people .. We do however have our favourite club's and usually know a few people there. X |
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"I love it when guys approach us in a club Pat is really friendly anyway and makes easy conversation, I find it turns me on when she appreciates the flattery and obvious attraction of the guy "
Spot on, same feeling for us  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm very rarely approached so I have to be proactive. Just asking if it's their first time at the club, or complimenting them on something they're wearing can be a reasonable conversation starter;or anything else neutral really, just to break the ice |
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By *rK MrsJCouple
over a year ago
Kidderminster |
"I never was any good at starting conversations with new people at any time let alone in a club situation, my wife despite being nervous manages fine but she does have the advantage of being a woman. I tend to be more comfortable with people approaching me although that's not a very successful strategy, I realise it's one of those things you've either got or you haven't but would still be interested in any views you may have. "
I know the feeling MrsJ can start a conversation with anyone but I find it difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sharing a "trade secret" here, but if it helps others...
When we have a club night planned, we put it up as our status here and mention that if anyone else is going, say hi. Usually, we've always got 1 or 2 people stating that they'll be there too. That makes it so much easier to start a conversation with them by saying "we exchanged messages on Fab...". Conversation tends to flow from there by discussing things we've written in our profiles before we move to other topics. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes, well alot of the time, I find it hard to chat to people, even though most people are really friendly, being a single girl going, seeing the dynamics between people makes it harder to approach... so generally held the bar up till I got my beer goggles on  |
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I think to a certain extent it's a matter of practise and the confidence that comes with experience of said practise. Both as an individual and a couple. All I can recommend is just being brave and throwing your self into it. Sometimes you just have to risk it and go in. You'll never get anywhere sat on the side lines. I've learnt that with swinging and it has eased my social awkwardness and boosted my confidence so much. And just be your self and honest with people. In my experience people are on the whole understanding and respond better if your streight with them. And of course you'll never be everyone's cup of tea but it's no big deal. |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"Sharing a "trade secret" here, but if it helps others...
When we have a club night planned, we put it up as our status here and mention that if anyone else is going, say hi. Usually, we've always got 1 or 2 people stating that they'll be there too. That makes it so much easier to start a conversation with them by saying "we exchanged messages on Fab...". Conversation tends to flow from there by discussing things we've written in our profiles before we move to other topics. "
Already done that for a visit to club sx on 15th June. I think some females or couples think if they reply to a guy advertising that, that the guy will think play is a sure thing. For me I understand it's down to chemistry when everyone meets up! |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"I love it when guys approach us in a club Pat is really friendly anyway and makes easy conversation, I find it turns me on when she appreciates the flattery and obvious attraction of the guy
Spot on, same feeling for us "
Good to hear that. Just having the confidence for that first approach, but knowing some couples like a polite approach like that gives me more confidence! |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"Would it be off putting to a single male if Mr A simply asked would you like to fuck her?"
It would be unusual though something almost like that did happen to me once. A guy approached me and asked if I would like to join him and his wife in a private room. After I got over the shock I spent a very enjoyable time with them!
I'm sure most guys would find a way of coping with that approach lol! |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"The only chatty approach that's really fallen flat with me is moving to play too soon. I don't know where the line is, but "hi I'm x, this is my first time in a club, fancy a play?" is way too soon. "
Even if I managed an approach to chat, I would always wait for an invite from the female or couple! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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have you tried the usual flirting before talking .... eye contact, smiling etc
I like the friendly banter.
I'm put off when someone walks up and says I want to get my hands on you or I'd love to see whats under your dress  |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"have you tried the usual flirting before talking .... eye contact, smiling etc
I like the friendly banter.
I'm put off when someone walks up and says I want to get my hands on you or I'd love to see whats under your dress "
I can imagine that's a bit off putting!
Yes, I think eye contact first is important....but not staring or being leary!
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
I only recently started going to clubs after a long break and was ok at first in terms of chatting to people.
After a few times of generally getting nowhere, however, I’ve basically given up going to a club. I tried the other week and couldn’t bring myself to speak to anyone.
I find it all very difficult to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"have you tried the usual flirting before talking .... eye contact, smiling etc
I like the friendly banter.
I'm put off when someone walks up and says I want to get my hands on you or I'd love to see whats under your dress
I can imagine that's a bit off putting!
Yes, I think eye contact first is important....but not staring or being leary!
"
single lady so some approaches aren't the best!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never struggled to speak to random strangers. I literally will strike up a conversation with anyone.
When I was 17/18 I moved to a new area and had no friends. Having moved from Iceland not long before I never had made many friends in my old area. So I would go out clubbing on my own and make single serving friends each might out. We would literally be best friends for the evening, male or female. And after the night was done I'd never ever see them again (life before mobiles)
This approach seems to work wonders in the club's.
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"I never was any good at starting conversations with new people at any time let alone in a club situation, my wife despite being nervous manages fine but she does have the advantage of being a woman. I tend to be more comfortable with people approaching me although that's not a very successful strategy, I realise it's one of those things you've either got or you haven't but would still be interested in any views you may have. "
It's a matter of confidence. Try practicing with normal Chat with females you meet in everyday life...
"Hello... Morning...nice day isn't it....
This will build confidence.
I too am shy, but I've overcome it, and I now host parties !
Mary |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a specific question for single females and a specific question for couples when face to face in a club that prevents me wasting my time. Not divulging the questions so don't bother asking  "
What the... oh my days Frank! You gonna leave us hanging like that!? Alright fine, if you don't want to share your secret questions... how about some tips to help the rest of us shy ones?  |
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If you are at a club that only allows single guys in on certain nights then you can be pretty certain that couples are there are happy to play with single guys. Just approach them and say hi and try to get a conversation going. We will always chat to guys but will try to make it fairly obvious whether we want to play with them or not.
If in any doubt-perhaps ask the husband if he thinks his wife is interested when the wife goes to the loo. Could save you a lot of wasted time!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always attend clubs as a single lady, i dont mind anyone approaching me for a chat etc, ive always found everyone friendly. If i see anyone sat on there own i always invite them over or sit with them  |
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Most women don't consider me God's gift. My approach is usually to make sure contact and adk if i may chat. "would you like a chat?"... Not about sex initially but perhaps complimenting a lady on her outfit, mentioning the weather if its particularly good or bad, since conversation starter. If they're in a hot tub, then "may i join you in the hot tub?" before getting in but not too close to her.
Then body language usually hints as to whether she'd like to talk about more intimate topics." how is your day /evening going?" "may i sit with you?"
The absolute worst I've ever had when asking if someone would like a chat at a club is "no thanks". |
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"Would it be off putting to a single male if Mr A simply asked would you like to fuck her?
It would be unusual though something almost like that did happen to me once. A guy approached me and asked if I would like to join him and his wife in a private room. After I got over the shock I spent a very enjoyable time with them!
I'm sure most guys would find a way of coping with that approach lol!"
I'm pretty sure that was a rare occasion, but fair play to you mate! All too often in a club setting, I've found couples unapproachable, some going out of their way to avoid eye contact, and even moving on elsewhere when you approach them. The inevitable "We're not interested in single guys" line, as you try to open a dialogue is a real conversation stopper too. Clubs are for couples |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would it be off putting to a single male if Mr A simply asked would you like to fuck her?
It would be unusual though something almost like that did happen to me once. A guy approached me and asked if I would like to join him and his wife in a private room. After I got over the shock I spent a very enjoyable time with them!
I'm sure most guys would find a way of coping with that approach lol!
I'm pretty sure that was a rare occasion, but fair play to you mate! All too often in a club setting, I've found couples unapproachable, some going out of their way to avoid eye contact, and even moving on elsewhere when you approach them. The inevitable "We're not interested in single guys" line, as you try to open a dialogue is a real conversation stopper too. Clubs are for couples "
Clubs are for people.....that couple could of been a couple for the evening and using the club for their own experiences. People go to clubs for a million and one reasons. It's people with tainted notions and ideas that puts people off before they've even been. |
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Clubs, for the most part, are for everyone who acts respectfully... Couples, singles, individuals who are part of a couple who go their own ways at clubs.
Many couples do meet single guys at clubs, and play with them. But alo many such couples are choosy - with every right so to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would it be off putting to a single male if Mr A simply asked would you like to fuck her?"
It would put me off immediately, comes across pimpish. I'd like her to make a move to give the indication of interest, then approval from him to her about her choice.
I found clubs very hard to converse in as a single male. Get knocked repeatedly a few times and confidence goes. Been told on forums a few times that it's the single guys responsibility to make the move to feel welcomed, which is uncomfortable being a visitor. It's definitely easier IMO if regulars were to be more friendly to newbies. I gave up after a few visits. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
......... I've found couples unapproachable, some going out of their way to avoid eye contact, and even moving on elsewhere when you approach them. The inevitable "We're not interested in single guys" line, as you try to open a dialogue is a real conversation stopper too. Clubs are for couples "
It’s just this kind of attitude that really put Scarlett off clubs for a very long time. Won’t mention which club but we were hounded by single guys expecting some kind of interaction just because we were there when they were there. When we politely declined explaining that we were there to enjoy our own company they looked dumbfounded (which wasn’t hard for them to accomplish). She is just coming around to the idea of trying a club again, this time on a couples night. Fingers crossed!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
......... I've found couples unapproachable, some going out of their way to avoid eye contact, and even moving on elsewhere when you approach them. The inevitable "We're not interested in single guys" line, as you try to open a dialogue is a real conversation stopper too. Clubs are for couples
It’s just this kind of attitude that really put Scarlett off clubs for a very long time. Won’t mention which club but we were hounded by single guys expecting some kind of interaction just because we were there when they were there. When we politely declined explaining that we were there to enjoy our own company they looked dumbfounded (which wasn’t hard for them to accomplish). She is just coming around to the idea of trying a club again, this time on a couples night. Fingers crossed! "
How is trying to make eye contact and striking up a conversation 'hounding'? |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
"I always attend clubs as a single lady, i dont mind anyone approaching me for a chat etc, ive always found everyone friendly. If i see anyone sat on there own i always invite them over or sit with them "
I definitely hope to meet someone like you (or even you!) On my next visit to a club!! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the eye contact is made many times after someone has already chosen to look away then it can be seen as hounding "
I see what they mean now.
I didn't connect the multiple avoidance of eye contact with then being approached. I just assume they were two different methods of getting their attention.
It's so much easy just to read someone's profile and if there is common interest then message lol. If they ignore then there no walk of shame. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Funnily enough, I'm off to a club tonight and a couple have messaged me saying they are nervous and excited to be going too. Told them I'm terrible at making the first move and they said they were too!
Will definitely take some of the advice from off here |
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"Would it be off putting to a single male if Mr A simply asked would you like to fuck her?
It would be unusual though something almost like that did happen to me once. A guy approached me and asked if I would like to join him and his wife in a private room. After I got over the shock I spent a very enjoyable time with them!
I'm sure most guys would find a way of coping with that approach lol!
I'm pretty sure that was a rare occasion, but fair play to you mate! All too often in a club setting, I've found couples unapproachable, some going out of their way to avoid eye contact, and even moving on elsewhere when you approach them. The inevitable "We're not interested in single guys" line, as you try to open a dialogue is a real conversation stopper too. Clubs are for couples
Clubs are for people.....that couple could of been a couple for the evening and using the club for their own experiences. People go to clubs for a million and one reasons. It's people with tainted notions and ideas that puts people off before they've even been."
Any "tainted notions and ideas" of mine are borne from genuine experiences of being a single male in a club, which I'm fairly sure you have no experience of... |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"The only chatty approach that's really fallen flat with me is moving to play too soon. I don't know where the line is, but "hi I'm x, this is my first time in a club, fancy a play?" is way too soon. "
Cannot blame him, just the timing.
However I agree about only talking about sex, gives no insight into their values/behaviour and bores us ridged.
‘Bout as sapiosexual as a Grannies slipper. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm genuinely touched by how thoughtful, helpful and constructive peoples responses have been to this subject. It's so nice to hear that I'm not alone in feeling like this and how supportive people on here can be. I've read all the responses so far and will definitely be putting them to good use. Thankyou and please keep this one going I'm sure I'm not the only one finding it a great help. |
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By *attyBWoman
over a year ago
Dunstable/Luton |
"I am absolutely useless at making the approach! And rarely to I get approached by others so I totally understand your worries x
I hate feeling like I'm holding court or something. I'm not arrogant. Just shy. Lol. "
I think people avoid me as they think I am arrogant....I am just pretty shy (unless I have had quite a bit to drink) |
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I think most people are shy. Even the proactive people like ourselves are faking confidence.
If there is a single guy who bunny likes then a bit of eye contact can usually be enough to invite a conversation or if they are too shy to approach we might walk up to them and I will ask if they mind keeping her company whilst I nip to the changing rooms or loo.
Approaches to single guys stood in groups is just something we can't manage as it feels a bit like you tearing one away from the rest.
Couples we will do the mind if we sit with you technique. The pool table is good, always offer to play doubles. Have used this with single guys to. The hot tub is good for conversation. But it's all pretend confidence.
I think it's not the fear of rejection that would worry us. You are not going to appeal to everyone, it's the bit after rejection. How long to leave it before trying someone else without appearing to be whittling down the whole room in order of attractiveness.
Some guys will go from couple to couple getting rejected and it just doesn't work.
Thankfully as a couple this has not been an issue yet. But it could happen.
We love clubs were people dance a little as it allows people to migrate around the room without the pressure to make a bee line to a particular couple of person. Had a great experience of this in pdi. When another couple come to dance very close its clear they are interested. (making conversations was harder as they were german but a little dance language helped smooth the linguistic block).
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We went to bghs at least 3 times and enjoyed the spa, smiled at people ( couples nights) obviously Natalya is gorgeous but I’m pretty average looking but we were too nervous to talk to anyone
Eventually one evening we went into the sauna and saw a couple we had seen earlier and I asked them if they fancied a play upstairs, within 5 minutes we were all having a great time
They said afterwards like us they had been several times but too nervous to talk to anyone
I guess if you don’t ask you don’t get
We visited when single guys are there which is fun but some just stare and some are too forward
A nice introduction and chat could lead to fun
If it’s a no - so what- better than going home wondering what might have happened |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Eventually one evening we went into the sauna and saw a couple we had seen earlier and I asked them if they fancied a play upstairs, within 5 minutes we were all having a great time
They said afterwards like us they had been several times but too nervous to talk to anyone"
Fantastic! And it goes to show - you can't make any assumptions about others. My default is to assume that they won't be interested in talking (or anything else) with me. When I force myself to forget that I've had some great nights. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would it be off putting to a single male if Mr A simply asked would you like to fuck her?
It would be unusual though something almost like that did happen to me once. A guy approached me and asked if I would like to join him and his wife in a private room. After I got over the shock I spent a very enjoyable time with them!
I'm sure most guys would find a way of coping with that approach lol!
I'm pretty sure that was a rare occasion, but fair play to you mate! All too often in a club setting, I've found couples unapproachable, some going out of their way to avoid eye contact, and even moving on elsewhere when you approach them. The inevitable "We're not interested in single guys" line, as you try to open a dialogue is a real conversation stopper too. Clubs are for couples
Clubs are for people.....that couple could of been a couple for the evening and using the club for their own experiences. People go to clubs for a million and one reasons. It's people with tainted notions and ideas that puts people off before they've even been.
Any "tainted notions and ideas" of mine are borne from genuine experiences of being a single male in a club, which I'm fairly sure you have no experience of..."
No of course I don't, but I do know how to act like a respectable human being, regardless of my sex. I'm not going to assume what's tainted you. Clubs aren't really places for egos or people with broken wings, maybe stick with bowling, or football matches. As im unsure why someone would feel offended or tainted for not having sex in a club, you pay to enter the club not anyone you please. Being turned down isn't meant to taint you but not everyone can handle rejection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I chat easily with people but some clubs are very clicky and groups of people who know each other stick together, obviously single guys milling around if it's a night they are allowed, I find a good place to get chatting, jacuzzi, sauna or the smoking area if they have one, just have a laugh people will soon start chatting |
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Best to open with a question even if your not what they looking for they chat for a little while and you will always have someone to chat to if you are in the club again and they might even give you a veri |
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"Would it be off putting to a single male if Mr A simply asked would you like to fuck her?
It would be unusual though something almost like that did happen to me once. A guy approached me and asked if I would like to join him and his wife in a private room. After I got over the shock I spent a very enjoyable time with them!
I'm sure most guys would find a way of coping with that approach lol!
I'm pretty sure that was a rare occasion, but fair play to you mate! All too often in a club setting, I've found couples unapproachable, some going out of their way to avoid eye contact, and even moving on elsewhere when you approach them. The inevitable "We're not interested in single guys" line, as you try to open a dialogue is a real conversation stopper too. Clubs are for couples
Clubs are for people.....that couple could of been a couple for the evening and using the club for their own experiences. People go to clubs for a million and one reasons. It's people with tainted notions and ideas that puts people off before they've even been.
Any "tainted notions and ideas" of mine are borne from genuine experiences of being a single male in a club, which I'm fairly sure you have no experience of...
No of course I don't, but I do know how to act like a respectable human being, regardless of my sex. I'm not going to assume what's tainted you. Clubs aren't really places for egos or people with broken wings, maybe stick with bowling, or football matches. As im unsure why someone would feel offended or tainted for not having sex in a club, you pay to enter the club not anyone you please. Being turned down isn't meant to taint you but not everyone can handle rejection."
It appears you have your own tainted notions and ideas. Let's agree to disagree |
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I'll describe two approaches which were made to my partner yesterday....one successful, one not....
Guy approaches us in the pool and starts chit-chat....notices my lady is American so asks where she's from, turns out he's somewhat familiar with her home state and the talk turns to places people have lived/worked. He's clearly interested, there's a glint in his eye and he smiles whenever she swims nearer him....but he keeps his cool and doesn't follow us when we go off for a bit of fun together just the two of us. Later we return to the pool and talked with him some more before whisking him off for a threesome - during which he demonstrated sexual skill and respect.
Another guy approached and after 30 seconds of unmemorable talk with a greedy look on his face he proceeded to play with my partner's boobs. She tried to turn away from him but he put her hand on his penis, at which point she pulled away and said "no thanks". He followed us around the club, tried to come into a private room with us "I want to watch" and we had to tell him "no" three times. One more and we were going to report him to the management.
It is a fine line sometimes, and I get that people are nervous and can sometimes come across as too eager...but bugging people, following them around and knocking on a locked playroom door are really not going to get you anywhere. |
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Yeah, I played with three people at my last party. Not the ones who touched without asking, not the ones who ground in front of me, not the ones who jumped straight to sex. A friend, and those who talked to me like a person. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"I never was any good at starting conversations with new people at any time let alone in a club situation, my wife despite being nervous manages fine but she does have the advantage of being a woman. I tend to be more comfortable with people approaching me although that's not a very successful strategy, I realise it's one of those things you've either got or you haven't but would still be interested in any views you may have. "
Finding a reason to start a conversation is always the hardest part of any approach. If you are walking up to somebody then a simple "Hello" with a smile is the easiest way. If it is a couple then a few compliments direct to the female will always go down well but don't forget to include the guy in the conversation.
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"Yeah, I played with three people at my last party. Not the ones who touched without asking, not the ones who ground in front of me, not the ones who jumped straight to sex. A friend, and those who talked to me like a person. "
This is exactly it. She was made to feel like a piece of meat, not a human. She's not on fab hence me posting this.
The polite guy just chatted like one might in a pub. Indeed i reckon he'd be good company over a pint. |
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"Yeah, I played with three people at my last party. Not the ones who touched without asking, not the ones who ground in front of me, not the ones who jumped straight to sex. A friend, and those who talked to me like a person.
This is exactly it. She was made to feel like a piece of meat, not a human. She's not on fab hence me posting this.
The polite guy just chatted like one might in a pub. Indeed i reckon he'd be good company over a pint. "
Oh i wondered why you two looked a bit preeved later in the evening.
Guess there is alsway one dickhead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What works for me being approached is this.
Small talk, not about sex. Be friendly. Don't stare at my body (I mean yes you're going to look, I know, but mostly the eyes are up here). Make me feel comfortable. (in a couple you do this talking to both of them). No set amount of time, really, watch body language (although I appreciate it can be difficult to gauge the difference between polite and interested). Then ask if I want to go somewhere else. "
Nice advice.. is it ok to have long eye contact or short one multiple times? Some may think agrassive if it's long (personal perception). |
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"
Oh i wondered why you two looked a bit preeved later in the evening.
Guess there is alsway one dickhead. "
Yeah we were a bit wary and keeping an eye out for "creepy guy".
Just to be clear, I your attitude was fine too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I go to clubs mostly as a single male so its not my place to go up to couples and pester them so wait to see if there interested in me in less a greedy girls night or event similar.
I did look and see your just looking for couples this is much easer for you and the social side of clubs is very big in some.
If you just go up and talk to people there going to be very polite even if playing is not on the cards.
You have nothing to lose |
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By *azpiz1Man
over a year ago
Camberley |
I posted on another topic about being intimidated in approaching couples in clubs. My assumption is that they are there to either play together in a different location, or play with other couples....
And (in my very limited experience) there are loads of single guys around, so the couples are spoilt for choice! |
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By *azpiz1Man
over a year ago
Camberley |
"I am absolutely useless at making the approach! And rarely to I get approached by others so I totally understand your worries x
I hate feeling like I'm holding court or something. I'm not arrogant. Just shy. Lol.
I think people avoid me as they think I am arrogant....I am just pretty shy (unless I have had quite a bit to drink)"
As we're quite local to each other, perhaps we should agree to approach each other if we're every at the same club! |
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It doesn’t always happen like this for a single guy in a club, but I certainly hope it does more in future 
