FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Touching without consent

Touching without consent

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

Angel

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is the main thing that has put us off getting into the club scene

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By *ink and inkedCouple over a year ago

Essex

We find the opposite. Women seem to feel they are so sexy that touching a man without his consent is acceptable and he SHOULD love it !!

Oh what big egos they have !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have noticed that. Also it seems that by being happy with one man joining in, it gives the green light to every other guy in the club to join in without asking.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

I find a hard shove and a very, very loud NO to be a very effective way to both get rid of them AND alert other people.

Can't say I've noticed it's only been 'Asian' men though. (Chinese? Indian? Korean? Afghan?)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sex pests come from all countries and gave various skin colours.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Very true

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By *rs Myvanwy Scarlet-BlackTV/TS over a year ago

Darlaston

It's not uncommon I get it all the time I visit gay/bi saunas but it seem to be the older generation for me the ones that u would think they should know better

Tho I do like the attention when a guy/man does it to me I just pass them by after all we all have a mouth and eyes and if they can not look at me and say hello then there loss x

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I love clubs, it’s never happened to us. However, there are few threads about non consensual touching. Is it s cultural thing, getting their moneys worth, I suspect not, that generalisation, I suspect, comes from a small minority of single men.

To me, there is a misconception around what swinging is, that also includes this site.

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By *orkie321bWoman over a year ago

Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 26/11/17 17:45:08]

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By *orkie321bWoman over a year ago

Nottingham

OP touching without asking isn't only a thing from Asian men, in fact it's not only men that do it.

There are disrespectful people of all genders and all ethnic origin.

When people do touch without asking how do you deal with it? Do you report them to the club? If you don't then you send out the message that it is ok to behave this way and it perpetuates the problem.

Club owners and staff can't put a stop to this kind of behaviour if they don't know about it.

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By *anetandNickCouple over a year ago

Ross-on-Wye

I don't understand why some people have trouble with single guys in clubs, I never do.

All you have to do is tell them exactly what you want. If you only want them to watch 'n' wank then just say so, they invariably do exactly what they're told.

If you want them to touch then just guide their hands / cocks or whatever to the right place.

I guess the problems arise when the guys just have no idea what a woman is expecting of them.

If you don't want single guys at all - then what are you doing at a sex club on a mixed night? Go on a couples only night.

Janet

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OP touching without asking isn't only a thing from Asian men, in fact it's not only men that do it.

There are disrespectful people of all genders and all ethnic origin.

Club owners and staff can't put a stop to this kind of behaviour if they don't know about it."

I reported one serious incident to one club, no action was taken by the club.

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

I don’t go to clubs but surely nobody has the right to touch unless you give permission? You shouldn’t have to explain that, no matter who they are.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sex pests come from all countries and gave various skin colours. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't understand why some people have trouble with single guys in clubs, I never do.

All you have to do is tell them exactly what you want. If you only want them to watch 'n' wank then just say so, they invariably do exactly what they're told.

If you want them to touch then just guide their hands / cocks or whatever to the right place.

I guess the problems arise when the guys just have no idea what a woman is expecting of them.

If you don't want single guys at all - then what are you doing at a sex club on a mixed night? Go on a couples only night.

Janet"

Surely we shouldn't have to choose which night we go on though because of the small minority of single men that don't have decency to ask first before touching. If a female is playing and has her back to people, then how does she know that a man is going to touch her until it happens?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sex pests come from all countries and gave various skin colours. "

Very true, we are in full agreement, but in our OP we did say that we are talking from our personal experience and our personal experiences have only been Asian men.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don’t go to clubs but surely nobody has the right to touch unless you give permission? You shouldn’t have to explain that, no matter who they are. "

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By *wisted2000Woman over a year ago

under my rock cleethorpes

The only incident I had at a club was from just one guy who’d seen me there before an apparently was a ‘fan’ of me, I was with two big guys who I’d arrived with and this other guy approached as they were testing me on a St. Andrew’s Cross, he put his hands within an inch of me and paused, I was obviously stuck so couldn’t do anything but he moved sharpish when both my friends turned to him with firm no’s, he didn’t physically touch but having someone that close while restrained is definitely not on my to do list

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple over a year ago

Maidstone

This is the very reason why we avoid clubs. Disrespectful people who are out for themselves will feel our wrath. Yeah, we’re missing out on opportunities blah blah blah. But there’s nothing sexy about being hounded by pests. Not the liaisons we wish to have.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have to say we havent had this issue as such, although we have only tried one club so far

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By *carlettxWoman over a year ago

Essex

"This is the very reason why we avoid clubs. Disrespectful people who are out for themselves will feel our wrath. Yeah, we’re missing out on opportunities blah blah blah. But there’s nothing sexy about being hounded by pests. Not the liaisons we wish to have.

Mr"

Not all us club goers are like that tho it’s a very small minority

The rest of us are respectful and lovely

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple over a year ago

Maidstone

Not all us club goers are like that tho it’s a very small minority

The rest of us are respectful and lovely

Yeah, just a shame that some clubs are more interested in profits, rather than confront sex pests. Think we’ll open our own club lol

Mr x

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

"I don't understand why some people have trouble with single guys in clubs, I never do.

All you have to do is tell them exactly what you want. If you only want them to watch 'n' wank then just say so, they invariably do exactly what they're told.

If you want them to touch then just guide their hands / cocks or whatever to the right place.

I guess the problems arise when the guys just have no idea what a woman is expecting of them.

If you don't want single guys at all - then what are you doing at a sex club on a mixed night? Go on a couples only night.

Janet"

I think the problem was about guys touching without permission.

We will attend a club on any night we choose, we will not be put off by the fact that guys are allowed to attend, but that doesn't then mean that this gives them carte blanche to grope or in any way approach us (by us I mean Jayne, no guy has ever touched me in this way, funny that lol) without first asking if we would welcome his interaction

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

[Removed by poster at 26/11/17 18:11:42]

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

Mr"

To be honest, over a decade or so of going to clubs I've only encountered this kind of stuff perhaps three or four times in total.

And I've experienced it far, far, far more swinging on a one to one basis.

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By *carlettxWoman over a year ago

Essex

Not all us club goers are like that tho it’s a very small minority

The rest of us are respectful and lovely

Yeah, just a shame that some clubs are more interested in profits, rather than confront sex pests. Think we’ll open our own club lol

Mr x"

Haha yep have to agree with both counts

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By *olliPineCouple over a year ago

swingers clubs

Non consenting touching is a big bear of ours. It has come from men and women and towards both of us.

We are only available to meet Fridays and shouldn't have to tailor our lifestyle when we're not the ones doing anything wrong.

We do look for single guys but there have been nights we've not seen anyone suitable, doesn't mean we should play for the sake of it.

We play publicly only if there are no private rooms available. This does not mean we are putting on a show and would rather not have anyone there but we're not entitled to throw people out. We'd rather not have to interact with the crowd at all.

It's a shame this touching is one of the reasons people are put off clubs and judge them as seedy.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"I don't understand why some people have trouble with single guys in clubs, I never do.

All you have to do is tell them exactly what you want. "

The problem is that sometimes they don't give you the opportunity to tell them what you want, they just decide what *they* want and do it without your consent.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Not all us club goers are like that tho it’s a very small minority

The rest of us are respectful and lovely

Exactly. The vast majority of people are extremely respectful. Please don't let this out anyone off from going to a club.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

So i think that there is a problem with this, although i think the club's can do a lot to influence it. I've never been to a club that didn't give new members tour, sone stress the importance of consent (chameleons in my experience) and some didn't (AbFabd in my experience).

I do think asian men are over-represented in the group that touch without asking, but i think that has more to do with other factors than their race (e.g. the class of asian men that tend to go alone).

I also think this is the real reason a lot of people put "no asians" on their profiles, because it's easier than discussing the real issue. I think that's sad because someone of our best experiences have been with asian men who really got what swinging is about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Not all us club goers are like that tho it’s a very small minority

The rest of us are respectful and lovely

Exactly. The vast majority of people are extremely respectful. Please don't let this out anyone off from going to a club."

*put anyone off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve gone to clubs and been touched without my consent by every race of man.

It’s really put me off of going to clubs as a single lady. Always have to choose s private room or else it like I’m a free-for-all!

So on my own, I cannot enjoy the full club experience. I like being exhibitionist.

But if I want to be in the main play area I have to constantly be on guard and can’t relax. Guys try all sorts and it makes me very aggressive, when I have to keep warning men not to touch me.

I feel like I need to be a super Domme going in. If I’m in the mood for that, cool.

But regardless, I wish I didn’t have to deal with it.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I’ve gone to clubs and been touched without my consent by every race of man.

It’s really put me off of going to clubs as a single lady. Always have to choose s private room or else it like I’m a free-for-all!

So on my own, I cannot enjoy the full club experience. I like being exhibitionist.

But if I want to be in the main play area I have to constantly be on guard and can’t relax. Guys try all sorts and it makes me very aggressive, when I have to keep warning men not to touch me.

I feel like I need to be a super Domme going in. If I’m in the mood for that, cool.

But regardless, I wish I didn’t have to deal with it.

Go with a friend on couples only nights, it's totally different and much better. Yes some couples touch without asking but they are the minority and they don't swarm the way single guys do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve gone to clubs and been touched without my consent by every race of man.

It’s really put me off of going to clubs as a single lady. Always have to choose s private room or else it like I’m a free-for-all!

So on my own, I cannot enjoy the full club experience. I like being exhibitionist.

But if I want to be in the main play area I have to constantly be on guard and can’t relax. Guys try all sorts and it makes me very aggressive, when I have to keep warning men not to touch me.

I feel like I need to be a super Domme going in. If I’m in the mood for that, cool.

But regardless, I wish I didn’t have to deal with it.

Go with a friend on couples only nights, it's totally different and much better. Yes some couples touch without asking but they are the minority and they don't swarm the way single guys do. "

The last time I did go with a ‘friend’. And yes, nothing like that happened.

The point is I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t need a bodyguard.

If a man is there with me, nobody touches without asking him first.

They don’t even ask me. They just direct questions to him.

As if it’s his body

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By *carlettxWoman over a year ago

Essex

"I’ve gone to clubs and been touched without my consent by every race of man.

It’s really put me off of going to clubs as a single lady. Always have to choose s private room or else it like I’m a free-for-all!

So on my own, I cannot enjoy the full club experience. I like being exhibitionist.

But if I want to be in the main play area I have to constantly be on guard and can’t relax. Guys try all sorts and it makes me very aggressive, when I have to keep warning men not to touch me.

I feel like I need to be a super Domme going in. If I’m in the mood for that, cool.

But regardless, I wish I didn’t have to deal with it.

Go with a friend on couples only nights, it's totally different and much better. Yes some couples touch without asking but they are the minority and they don't swarm the way single guys do.

The last time I did go with a ‘friend’. And yes, nothing like that happened.

The point is I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t need a bodyguard.

If a man is there with me, nobody touches without asking him first.

They don’t even ask me. They just direct questions to him.

As if it’s his body

Lol I hear you on that !!

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

In the early days as a single fem I struggled to deal with the unwanted touches. Not anymore. Learned to find my voice quickly. Nowadays a firm and very loud 'no take your hand off me' suffices.

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By *orkie321bWoman over a year ago

Nottingham

My experiences of people who touch without permission seem to be quite different from some people's.

It has happened a handful of times. Once by a white single male, once by a black single male and three times by females who are part of a couple.

Too many ladies think the rules don't apply to them!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When I go to a club I don't worry that someone will touch Miss C per se. I'm worried someone will touch Miss C and she'll knock him out cold. Don't think we'd be invited back

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

We've never had an issue in a club with people touching without asking.

The majority of our visits are on couple and single fem nights, but the mixed nights have always been without issue too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In the early days as a single fem I struggled to deal with the unwanted touches. Not anymore. Learned to find my voice quickly. Nowadays a firm and very loud 'no take your hand off me' suffices. "

Yes, in most cases, a loud and clear no does put a stop to it. I have experienced some men who stop for a while then try again when I’m distracted.

But it should be ask first.

Not touch first.

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By *oubyLoverWoman over a year ago

East Yorkshire

I’ve been touched too many times to count, most was three different people in one visit, worst was a hand up my skirt and my pussy grabbed by someone I was walking past and had never met or spoken to before. I’ve had men grab my boobs in the middle of chatting to me several times.

"In the early days as a single fem I struggled to deal with the unwanted touches. Not anymore. Learned to find my voice quickly. Nowadays a firm and very loud 'no take your hand off me' suffices. "

Me too but that’s too late, their hands are already on you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We find the opposite. Women seem to feel they are so sexy that touching a man without his consent is acceptable and he SHOULD love it !!

Oh what big egos they have !"

I never do this. But I've been on the recieving end of a man who thought I wouldn't notice as I was involved with a group.

It's not acceptable from either sex to touch without consent x

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By *ongueNcheek33Couple over a year ago

Manchester

Had this a few times mainly from single men but we don't let it put us of clubs as it's only a small percentage of people that thing it's ok to do this and most people are respectful within clubs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Touching without consent or with out acceptance is like forcibly doing it.. which is so pathetic.. end of the day everyone is there in club for fun and everyone has his/her own limits.. one should understand and behave.. once i stood in play room a girl came and was asking for all dingdong's in that room to be out and she just checked by sucking all, which one would suit her at that poitn of time

so hot. i was lucky i am one of those heheh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do the clubs ever mention the 'rules' when people enter? New people may think it's a free for all if they've watched swinger porn.

The guy on the door at one club insinuated the men would definitely get a fuck on this particular night we were there waiting in the queue to go in. I've never been back to that club since.

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By *ud and BryanCouple over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

We had this last weekend, we were in a playroom together with a friend - curtain closed - when an Asian man came in, undressed & started touching Caroline. Dave told him to ask, but Caroline just told him no. At least he dressed and left quietly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We had this last weekend, we were in a playroom together with a friend - curtain closed - when an Asian man came in, undressed & started touching Caroline. Dave told him to ask, but Caroline just told him no. At least he dressed and left quietly."

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By *oubyLoverWoman over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"Do the clubs ever mention the 'rules' when people enter? New people may think it's a free for all if they've watched swinger porn.

The guy on the door at one club insinuated the men would definitely get a fuck on this particular night we were there waiting in the queue to go in. I've never been back to that club since. "

Some clubs mention it, others don’t. I think some guys who are not necessarily from the scene think a swingers club is a sex club and a free for all. I’ve had to educate more than one guy that I don’t come as part of their entrance fee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mr"

Same here don't do clubs for that reason or only go on couple nights and even then some men still think it's their god given right to touch!

Sometimes there's no etiquette in swinging!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I went to a club in the north east and I will never go back because of this .I had men just walking upto me putting there cock in my mouth or touching me .totally put off if this shit goes on .So disrespectful

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By *enny Ls8Man over a year ago

leeds

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By *enny Ls8Man over a year ago

leeds

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

It’s not just men!!!!!

Recently I have been touched by 2 women in last 2 weeks without asking.

Now don’t get me wrong I didn’t mind, as it wasn’t sexual (it was a touch on my shoulder and leg)

What has made me frustrated both women were involved with later altercations when other men touched them, their partners rightly said something and there were incidents

Now again I did say to both women you should of asked but made it light hearted that it’s actuallj something I am very passionate about is the equality of that

Anyway - twice I saw a black guy and an Asian guy talking to a female friend who gave me the eyes that she wasn’t happy again, so I said shall we go and sit somewhere else to make a point

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Do the clubs ever mention the 'rules' when people enter? New people may think it's a free for all if they've watched swinger porn.

The guy on the door at one club insinuated the men would definitely get a fuck on this particular night we were there waiting in the queue to go in. I've never been back to that club since.

I agree- I really think they just assume it's a sex club. If the club won't educate them then we'll have to.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

What's do people think the difference between a sex club and a swingers club is?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Men and women should both be asked before touch in a club .what I find really bad was that some men do not strike a conversation but think it's fine just to shake dick at you .staff in clubs need to open there eyes .

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By *oubyLoverWoman over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"What's do people think the difference between a sex club and a swingers club is?"

A sex club is one like The Private Club in Birmingham where girls are paid to attend. Swinging Club (majority of the others listed under reviews) are the reverse, girl pay to attend

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"What's do people think the difference between a sex club and a swingers club is?

A sex club is one like The Private Club in Birmingham where girls are paid to attend. Swinging Club (majority of the others listed under reviews) are the reverse, girl pay to attend

Fair enough. I call swing/fetish clubs 'sex club'. If someone was paid to be there and have sex with people I'd call it a brothel.

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

I’ve personally never had this kind of trouble (and if I did I’d be confident enough to handle it) but I went with a lady friend that had advertised on these forums she wanted to go LCs so I invited her to join me that Friday night, she came and though much shyer and less confident than me, she seemed to relax and settle into the night, so when a guy asked me for a play I made sure she felt ok to be left alone and then I went to play, when I came back she was no where to be found.

A member of staff told me they’re been an unfortunate incident of two Asian men trying to force themselves onto her the staff intervened immediately and resolved the issue (the men were escorted off the premises and were permanently banned from the club) but she still left in tears. I immediately dressed and left the club to phone and go find her, when I did she was very shook up and she’s never had the confidence to go back to the club scene. I felt so awful about it all and still do.

Do I believe all Asian men would have treated her this way? No of course I don’t. I’ve been back to LCs myself and still had no issues with Asian men and personally found them to be nothing but respectful, but its an unfortunate fact that dickheads like the ones that did what they did exist from all races and creeds

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By *olliPineCouple over a year ago

swingers clubs

Yes we've all got a voice, the trouble is we shouldn't have to use it.

Shouting get your disgusting hand off my pussy kinda had any effect on the mood and play.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’ve personally never had this kind of trouble (and if I did I’d be confident enough to handle it) but I went with a lady friend that had advertised on these forums she wanted to go LCs so I invited her to join me that Friday night, she came and though much shyer and less confident than me, she seemed to relax and settle into the night, so when a guy asked me for a play I made sure she felt ok to be left alone and then I went to play, when I came back she was no where to be found.

That is horrendous what happened to your friend, but you shouldn't feel awful about it. It's the totally disrespectful men that were solely to blame.

Hope your friend is ok.

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

"What's do people think the difference between a sex club and a swingers club is?

A sex club is one like The Private Club in Birmingham where girls are paid to attend. Swinging Club (majority of the others listed under reviews) are the reverse, girl pay to attend

Fair enough. I call swing/fetish clubs 'sex club'. If someone was paid to be there and have sex with people I'd call it a brothel."

A sex club employs Escorts to entertain the clients. Swingers clubs dont. Big difference.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

Since when did crimes get punished with banning someone from a private members club?!

Why were the police not called?

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"I don't understand why some people have trouble with single guys in clubs, I never do.

All you have to do is tell them exactly what you want. If you only want them to watch 'n' wank then just say so, they invariably do exactly what they're told.

If you want them to touch then just guide their hands / cocks or whatever to the right place.

I guess the problems arise when the guys just have no idea what a woman is expecting of them.

If you don't want single guys at all - then what are you doing at a sex club on a mixed night? Go on a couples only night.

Janet"
couples are just as bad at times not only singles that do this!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Since when did crimes get punished with banning someone from a private members club?!

Why were the police not called?"

I feel that would be for the woman to decide, it's not a decision for the club to make.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

Angel"
I understand your point however it's probably already been said that this is not confined to Asian or male behaviour. I experience females and males of all races touching me everytime I'm in vanilla clubs or working doors without prior consent. It just seems to be an accepted part of being around intoxicated people. As long as it's light hearted and minimum I don't mind but I understand how some wouldn't like it.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man over a year ago

Bristol

As mentioned earlier it happens a lot in gay saunas.

I have confronted a few guys and the response has often been;"Well we are all here for the same reason".

Er,I don't think so.

I must add it wasn't particular Asian blokes,it was a cross section.

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

Since when did crimes get punished with banning someone from a private members club?!

Why were the police not called?"

Because even if the police had been called the lady would still need to want to press charges against them and she didn’t stick around that long

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

AngelI understand your point however it's probably already been said that this is not confined to Asian or male behaviour. I experience females and males of all races touching me everytime I'm in vanilla clubs or working doors without prior consent. It just seems to be an accepted part of being around intoxicated people. As long as it's light hearted and minimum I don't mind but I understand how some wouldn't like it."

I know it isn't just Asian men, that would be silly to say that. But as originally said, all my non consensual issues have been with Asian men.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

Since when did crimes get punished with banning someone from a private members club?!

Why were the police not called?

Because even if the police had been called the lady would still need to want to press charges against them and she didn’t stick around that long

Hmmm ok makes sense. I wish she had.

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

We have been going to clubs for about 5 years and find this sort of thing rare.

We have only had dealings with 4 or 5 Asian males but every interaction has been a bad one. We totally get that we have only met a tiny fraction of Asian men that go to clubs but it still puts you off.

One tried to insert a finger as she stepped out of a hot tub, I think he was rather shocked with the barrage of abuse that hit him, another sat next to her and tried to shove his hand in Frisky's knickers etc...

Not one of these males even bothered to say hi before touching.

We have also found eastern Europe men fairly similar.

In one case, he grabbed Frisky's hand and tried to walk off with her, we asked what he was playing at, his reply "I fuck your wife, we be back in ten minutes" and then tried to walk off with her.

A quietly growled "fuck off" soon got rid of him...

Unfortunately though this behave does put people off going to clubs.

In all the years of going we have only had a few incedents and the worst was a woman but that's another story...

I bet we have all had far more problems in pubs and night clubs( disco's for the older folk)...

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By *reygorCouple over a year ago

birmingham

think we all know that touching with out asking if its ok. is wrong.but some times if you start playing in open areas of clubs guys get the wrong vibes ,our male will always say what are our rules in open play .thats why we use chams as it has couples only room every night .and private rooms .plus cinema and open play .we do not use on friday nights as it can be over taken by single guys some that think course they paid to get in they are going to get laid .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Our incident happened in a couples only room, with a half door which was locked, so the man in question ignored more than one rule. It's as if he thought the rules didn't apply to him.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman over a year ago
Forum Mod

My Own Little World

Whilst I have had a few guys get handsy without asking first, I have found that giving them 'The Look' works wonders, only once have I had to say anything before before they realise they have crossed the line and look ashamed and apologised.

But the main culprit for touching without consent are women, usually d*unk loud women who seem to think they are entitled.

Yes I have been groped by more women then men, and they don't even seem to realise they are doing anything wrong.

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

[Removed by poster at 28/11/17 21:32:56]

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

There are many clubs. Reading reviews and choosing the club carefully is key. We have not experienced this personally in the clubs we visit. One post here said they had reported an incident to the owners and nothing was done, hope a review was left for others to read and they didn't go back to said club

We were at Attic when we seen a young lad asking to join some couple in a room he wouldn't take no for an answer, He was reported and he was asked to leave the club so didn't even get a chance to touch anyone. Most clubs take this kind of stance but read reviews. We have had some amazing experiences in clubs

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

To be honest, we have only reported one guy to the staff and he was removed from the club within a couple of minutes.

He had wouldn't leave Frisky alone and kept offering her money for sex...

The others we felt had got the message after 5'4" of hell cat had told them what she thought of their parentage etc followed by 6'4" of "you best fuck off now!"

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By *londie8399Couple over a year ago

blackpool

Male or female you shouldn't touch without consent that's a big no no

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Male or female you shouldn't touch without consent that's a big no no"

You play to the referee though, right?

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I had my first experience of this on Saturday, and tbh, I really threw me.

In real life, I can more than easily stand up for myself, I do doorwork, used to dealing with arrogant, often d*unk men.

If out with friends and someone acts inappropriately, then I'd rip them to shreds verbally, send them running for the hills.

But Saturday in a club, with friends, only wearing a towel as just out the hot tub, I froze.

It took a good 15/20 seconds before my brain kicked in & I could react, and even then it was just to mumble & push past, running after my friend who hadn't noticed &

carried on walking.

I've played it through so many times in my head. Angry with myself for not doing something.

I've never considered myself vulnerable before.

It certainly won't happen again

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

Angel"
its more to do with eye contact and body language keep your flerting to a minimum if you don't wanna be touched

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We find the opposite. Women seem to feel they are so sexy that touching a man without his consent is acceptable and he SHOULD love it !!

Oh what big egos they have !"

Lol asian men and women in general having issues with touching with out consent lol ??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I find a hard shove and a very, very loud NO to be a very effective way to both get rid of them AND alert other people.

Can't say I've noticed it's only been 'Asian' men though. (Chinese? Indian? Korean? Afghan?)"
better still cover your bits if your not ready for action.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP touching without asking isn't only a thing from Asian men, in fact it's not only men that do it.

There are disrespectful people of all genders and all ethnic origin.

Club owners and staff can't put a stop to this kind of behaviour if they don't know about it."
very well said love

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

Angel"

Well I must be the exception to the rule then, and there are many more of us than you think.

I will never touch any woman unless explicitly invited to, and men in general should respect that.

Its your body your rules, and no it is not a cultural thing its a dickhead thing.

Love, peace and understand for all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ice had women feeling my bum im clubs without consent. I wasnt bothered but imagine if I did it to them. World War 3 would kick off

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By *cot611Man over a year ago

carterton

stop showing off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cant spell today

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ice had women feeling my bum im clubs without consent. I wasnt bothered but imagine if I did it to them. World War 3 would kick off"
yep it's always been 1 rule from women and another for men.

Its pc going nuts!

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By *ngeluk69Woman over a year ago

Near enough

A few months back I witnessed a friend who was playing (she was restrained on a St. Andrew’s Cross and her partner was flogging her), a couple came up behind her and the woman groped her bum, not just an accidental brush past, it was a full grab to the point it made my friend jump out of her skin.

I went and spoke to the woman as my friends had said they didn’t even know who she was and she’d just walked off, and when I spoke to her she was so nasty, and even said ‘the rules don’t apply to women luv’ she did go and apologise (no one told her to, but she made a huge thing of ‘if you want me to fucking apologise I will’) but as she walked past me she shouted at her husband ‘get me the hell away from here before I punch someone’ looking directly at me.

I went and spoke to the club owner who couldn’t quite believe it when I pointed out who it was, and even when the husband came and grabbed the owner and said ‘you better calm her down she’s going mental and is going to punch someone’ nothing was done.

When I later spoke to the owner I asked what was being done about it, and she shrugged her shoulders at me and said ‘well they’ve been coming here years’ turned her back on me and walked off. As I left the club that night, shortly after this happened I was told that I was making a fuss over nothing.

Sadly it’s not the only incident I’ve ever seen (or heard of) in this particular club but it’s the only one I’ve ever been directly involved in and I’ve always been happy at clubs on my own, all of a sudden I didn’t feel safe, and I felt very alone.

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

"I find a hard shove and a very, very loud NO to be a very effective way to both get rid of them AND alert other people.

Can't say I've noticed it's only been 'Asian' men though. (Chinese? Indian? Korean? Afghan?) better still cover your bits if your not ready for action.

Your comments smack of victim shaming. It's the perpetrator who is guilty not the victim.

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

"I find a hard shove and a very, very loud NO to be a very effective way to both get rid of them AND alert other people.

Can't say I've noticed it's only been 'Asian' men though. (Chinese? Indian? Korean? Afghan?) better still cover your bits if your not ready for action.

Your comments smack of victim shaming. It's the perpetrator who is guilty not the victim."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When you go to a club its for your enjoyment, if people ate grabbing and making you uncomfortable make a fuss about telling others, the leaches will soon disappear

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

Angelits more to do with eye contact and body language keep your flerting to a minimum if you don't wanna be touched

Excuse me?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"There are many clubs. Reading reviews and choosing the club carefully is key. We have not experienced this personally in the clubs we visit. One post here said they had reported an incident to the owners and nothing was done, hope a review was left for others to read and they didn't go back to said club

I did leave a review but it was removed by admin.

The club weren't bothered about what had happened, maybe because I was a newbie and the men were regulars, who knows.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A few months back I witnessed a friend who was playing (she was restrained on a St. Andrew’s Cross and her partner was flogging her), a couple came up behind her and the woman groped her bum, not just an accidental brush past, it was a full grab to the point it made my friend jump out of her skin.

Horrible people. Hope you don't bump into them again. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If someone attempted an uninvited grope of T we’d be barred from the club for life because I’d flatten them !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

Angelits more to do with eye contact and body language keep your flerting to a minimum if you don't wanna be touched

So if she'd been flirting with someone, she was asking to be sexually assaulted? Am I clear that's what you're saying? I just wanted to check my understanding...

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"If someone attempted an uninvited grope of T we’d be barred from the club for life because I’d flatten them !!"

It's not ok to sexually assault someone.

It's not ok to punch someone either.

And to be honest, to me as a woman, violent men are more frightening in a club than men who touch without consent.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

" better still cover your bits if your not ready for action.

Let me guess - you also think women who wear shorts skirts or have a drink "deserve it"?

You're the reason lots of people don't go to clubs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We find the opposite. Women seem to feel they are so sexy that touching a man without his consent is acceptable and he SHOULD love it !!

Oh what big egos they have !"
so true

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

"I had my first experience of this on Saturday, and tbh, I really threw me.

In real life, I can more than easily stand up for myself, I do doorwork, used to dealing with arrogant, often d*unk men.

If out with friends and someone acts inappropriately, then I'd rip them to shreds verbally, send them running for the hills.

But Saturday in a club, with friends, only wearing a towel as just out the hot tub, I froze.

It took a good 15/20 seconds before my brain kicked in & I could react, and even then it was just to mumble & push past, running after my friend who hadn't noticed &

carried on walking.

I've played it through so many times in my head. Angry with myself for not doing something.

I've never considered myself vulnerable before.

It certainly won't happen again

"
It's a reaction we would all maybe have as we don't expect inappropriate behaviour in a club, unlike when you are on the doors, you are ready and waiting. As you said, won't happen again as you have had a kick up the bum not to let yr guard down. Not nice people lurk everywhere and raise their ugly faces expected or not

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

There a lot of presumptuous people in clubs. It’s a complete turn off for me.

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

"Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

Angelits more to do with eye contact and body language keep your flerting to a minimum if you don't wanna be touched

so a flirtatious look in your opinion is a green light. Maybe a better approach would be to ask first. People get turned on people watching and look the watches in the eye, that does not mean come get me

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By *oofyMan over a year ago

Sheffield

I don't think it's a Asian thing but more in sense of a person quality as themselves i guess. Some people just think that by them being at a club gives them the right touch or try to get involved that's all. Maybe he needed to be educated

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think it's a Asian thing but more in sense of a person quality as themselves i guess. Some people just think that by them being at a club gives them the right touch or try to get involved that's all. Maybe he needed to be educated"

It’s always dangerous to generalise. We have noted good and bad behaviour across all cultures.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

It’s always dangerous to generalise. We have noted good and bad behaviour across all cultures. "

In equal proportions?

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

From my experiance - on Saturday I was speaking to a friend at the bar, a guy came over and touched my friend and begin to touch her leg and arm whilst I was speaking to her

Don’t get me wrong she wasn’t with me but how bloody rude if I was her husband I would have gone ape shit. First off all disturbing conversation, second completly ignore me, third touched without asking

I was subtle enough to then say to friend do you want to sit somewhere else - luckily my friend got the point

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm the complete opposite at clubs; I tend to be talkative to everyone there, but touching is practically non-existant unless it is actually asked for first.

Probably because I just enjoy a good natter really, more than any other reason.

On the flip side of the coin I've had women ask afterwards "Why didn't I touch/play/make a move on them?" Usually I just tell them that I was already enjoying the conversation with them, seductive or otherwise and didn't want to impinge on their personal space and possibly put a stop to the chat I was enjoying.

But it seems therein is the conundrum. A lot of women expect a man to make the first move so are surprised when I don't, often mistakenly assuming that I don't want to.

There is a solution however...

I think in clubs especially women need to become more like huntresses and make all the first moves on a man/men they found attractive. True, they risk rejection, but they would be successful more times than not I reckon and rejection is nothing to be actually scared of surely as it's a fact you won't be considered attractive to everyone. If this was made a hard and fast rule then it would rule out the problem that the OP has raised completely.

Of course for such a rule to be established then women would have to be in complete agreement and be prepared to do the legwork. Would the fair ladies of Fab prefer this situation to be enforced and become exclusively huntresses to rule out this attention from undesirables?

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

No, I wouldn't enjoy the pressure of always having to make the first move. I find at the moment I'm generally about 50/50 with me making the first move or the men I play with making the first move.

I have no desire to be a hunter, I just want fun in a swing club.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No, I wouldn't enjoy the pressure of always having to make the first move. I find at the moment I'm generally about 50/50 with me making the first move or the men I play with making the first move.

I have no desire to be a hunter, I just want fun in a swing club."

I agree that you shouldn't have to, in an ideal world the undesirables should merely stop being such dickheads, that's a far better solution.

But it's a fact sadly that this isn't an ideal world and these idiots will always exist, through any generation or culture. And they don't come complete with a large penis tattooed on their heads that means they get refused entry at the door.

I just came up with that solution as unwanted attention from undesirable single males is probably the most common complaint in clubs, going on forum posts and things I've been told by friends, and enforcing this rule would be guaranteed absolutely to completely knock this problem on the head.

Making the first move isn't really a challenge, after all in standard vanilla clubs in the 90s that I remember lads were expected to do it most of the time and it was just accepted as the norm.

The way I see it there's no pressure, the women have nothing to lose and everything to gain, as in the worst case a lady's hand being merely pushed away in a noisy environment or being told "No thanks, I don't find you attractive in that way" when in a standard setting has no bad consequences whatsoever. Whereas being touched by those you would rather not have make contact with you could certainly be a bad experience?

At the very least a certain club night given over to these rules could be introduced at most establishments and most women or couples could visit with more of a sense of freedom as the main problem of clubs has on that night been eradicated completely. What do other ladies think?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We seem to have got around this problem by not being attractive to anyone at clubs so nobody is interested in touching us.

Mrs did have a guy touch her arse once but when she said no he left her alone.

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By *rsTrellisWoman over a year ago

Cambridge

"I had my first experience of this on Saturday, and tbh, I really threw me.

In real life, I can more than easily stand up for myself, I do doorwork, used to dealing with arrogant, often d*unk men.

If out with friends and someone acts inappropriately, then I'd rip them to shreds verbally, send them running for the hills.

But Saturday in a club, with friends, only wearing a towel as just out the hot tub, I froze.

It took a good 15/20 seconds before my brain kicked in & I could react, and even then it was just to mumble & push past, running after my friend who hadn't noticed &

carried on walking.

I've played it through so many times in my head. Angry with myself for not doing something.

I've never considered myself vulnerable before.

It certainly won't happen again

This completely resonates with me.

It happened to me in a dark room at a club. I moved away and it kept happening but I kind of wrote it off as accidental. Later in the club a man came up to me and said "I hope you enjoyed my accidentally-on-purpose wandering hands in there" and I realised he'd been groping me on purpose.

I was stunned and no words came out. I felt embarrassed and angry and I didn't say a word.

Similarly, I'm assertive and strong in real life but, when it happened, I just didn't do anything.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"I had my first experience of this on Saturday, and tbh, I really threw me.

In real life, I can more than easily stand up for myself, I do doorwork, used to dealing with arrogant, often d*unk men.

If out with friends and someone acts inappropriately, then I'd rip them to shreds verbally, send them running for the hills.

But Saturday in a club, with friends, only wearing a towel as just out the hot tub, I froze.

It took a good 15/20 seconds before my brain kicked in & I could react, and even then it was just to mumble & push past, running after my friend who hadn't noticed &

carried on walking.

I've played it through so many times in my head. Angry with myself for not doing something.

I've never considered myself vulnerable before.

It certainly won't happen again

This completely resonates with me.

I was stunned and no words came out. I felt embarrassed and angry and I didn't say a word.

Similarly, I'm assertive and strong in real life but, when it happened, I just didn't do anything."

I must have misunderstood this concept. I thought the idea of a dark room was to go in and let anyone touch and touch anyone. Personally not for me for this reason.

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

"I had my first experience of this on Saturday, and tbh, I really threw me.

In real life, I can more than easily stand up for myself, I do doorwork, used to dealing with arrogant, often d*unk men.

If out with friends and someone acts inappropriately, then I'd rip them to shreds verbally, send them running for the hills.

But Saturday in a club, with friends, only wearing a towel as just out the hot tub, I froze.

It took a good 15/20 seconds before my brain kicked in & I could react, and even then it was just to mumble & push past, running after my friend who hadn't noticed &

carried on walking.

I've played it through so many times in my head. Angry with myself for not doing something.

I've never considered myself vulnerable before.

It certainly won't happen again

This completely resonates with me.

I was stunned and no words came out. I felt embarrassed and angry and I didn't say a word.

Similarly, I'm assertive and strong in real life but, when it happened, I just didn't do anything.

I must have misunderstood this concept. I thought the idea of a dark room was to go in and let anyone touch and touch anyone. Personally not for me for this reason. "
when we have been shown around clubs this is what we have been told, expect wandering hands so if you don't want to be touched don't go in so we steer clear of dark rooms to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We only visit clubs on couple only nights and even then we stick to the couples only play areas.

We have never had a problem.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent.

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By *carlettxWoman over a year ago

Essex

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent."

Is it not a case though that guys wouldnt ever complain if a woman groped them?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP touching without asking isn't only a thing from Asian men, in fact it's not only men that do it.

There are disrespectful people of all genders and all ethnic origin.

Club owners and staff can't put a stop to this kind of behaviour if they don't know about it."

I work as staff in a very large club and find this happens a lot. I am often hearing days later that something happened over the weekend, but nobody bothered to tell us on the night. If this does happen on a night, if we feel it is necessary, we will kick the offender out and block their membership. Nobody should ever have to feel unsafe in a club.

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By *eviantdeliteWoman over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Why is it that some men in clubs seem to think it is there right to touch/play without asking?

Now we aren't racist at all, but every time that a man hasn't asked for my consent, it has been an asian man. Is this something to do with their culture?

Has anyone else noticed this in the club scene?

Angel"

Yes playing Chams it does seem to be the Asian guys that are pushy...

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent.

Is it not a case though that guys wouldnt ever complain if a woman groped them?"

No, my partner has complained before. And people on this website have said that they were unhappy about that happening.

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By *carlettxWoman over a year ago

Essex

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent.

Is it not a case though that guys wouldnt ever complain if a woman groped them?

No, my partner has complained before. And people on this website have said that they were unhappy about that happening.

And rightly so ! Happens all the time when I’m out with my OH and he hates it

It’s nice to be fancied and lusted after but I think some forget that just because you are a swinger there are people that you absolutely would not swing with anyway ! Hands off unless invited male or female !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent."

Whilst I agree with the sentiment of this entirely (I have told some women 'No' before) there is a difference, as a woman can feel physically threatened by a man. Whereas I've never felt physically threatened by a woman at all and the same would go for the overwhelming majority of men.

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By *ungmagic10Man over a year ago

Northampton

Wow, some of these stories are crazy lol esp the one when the European guy just took the wife and told hussy he'll fuck her and bring her back Jheese SMH some savage behavior, guys going on like we're not in 2017. Being a single guy in a club I haven't seen much of what I read here, not doubting anyone though. As a single I found it sometimes hard to approach a couple when I like the female. My last experience was good though, this was at Chams. I noticed one guys wife looking at me from time to time and liked her as well but wasn't sure how to approach because her husssy noticed and didn't look too happy. Later in the night we bumped into each other in the hallways and hussy wasn't there. She started to convo and I took it from there. Ended up in the couples room.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent.

I agree with you that there is a difference, however I still think that women shouldn't touch men without their consent.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent.

I agree with you that there is a difference, however I still think that women shouldn't touch men without their consent."

That is a point. In your case then, the worst you could expect was merely being told 'Thanks, but no thanks' which causes no harm or offense at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

No, I wouldn't enjoy the pressure of always having to make the first move. I find at the moment I'm generally about 50/50 with me making the first move or the men I play with making the first move.

I have no desire to be a hunter, I just want fun in a swing club.

I agree that you shouldn't have to, in an ideal world the undesirables should merely stop being such dickheads, that's a far better solution.

Making the first move isn't really a challenge, after all in standard vanilla clubs in the 90s that I remember lads were expected to do it most of the time and it was just accepted as the norm.

And you really think that men would abide by the rules? Most would, yes, but not all.

I was in a couples only room with a half door which was locked. The man in questioned broke 2 rules, 1) unlocking the door, 2) entering a couples only room when he was a single male.

So I'm curious to know why you think your rule would be abided by? Some men just think the rules don't apply to them.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

" better still cover your bits if your not ready for action.

Let me guess - you also think women who wear shorts skirts or have a drink "deserve it"?

You're the reason lots of people don't go to clubs."
well put

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

The woman should not be touching a man without his consent. Just as a man should not be touching a woman without her consent.

I agree with you that there is a difference, however I still think that women shouldn't touch men without their consent.

That is a point. In your case then, the worst you could expect was merely being told 'Thanks, but no thanks' which causes no harm or offense at all."

I still think you're missing quite a major point.

It is *illegal* to touch people sexually without asking. The law actually says it's illegal and you can be prosecuted for it.

So what makes you think these handsy guys are more likely to listen to an informal agreement than the law?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because the law itself would strange as it may seem have little bearing in this situation. Most in a club touched in this manner would not wish to go down the lengthy and often stressful route of prosecution and have their 'private lives' pored over in the process. I imagine most of these dickheads know this, to some extent.

However, if it were a private club policy for men to not make any first moves at all, never mind touching, then the immediate ramifications would be that they could be immediately ejected which the idiots WOULD have to pay more mind to as it would hugely spoil any plans they had in the here and now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Because the law itself would strange as it may seem have little bearing in this situation. Most in a club touched in this manner would not wish to go down the lengthy and often stressful route of prosecution and have their 'private lives' pored over in the process. I imagine most of these dickheads know this, to some extent.

But they still would ignore the rules. It really wouldn't make any difference at all.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

There aren't any clubs where non-consensual touching isn't against the rules.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Who tells new people what the rules are?

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

"Who tells new people what the rules are?"

Every time we have been to a new club, we have been shown around and given a run down of the house rules...

However the non consensual touching, surely comes under common decency?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There aren't any clubs where non-consensual touching isn't against the rules."

To a large extent yes, as you have said it mirrors the law which is no bad thing. Though to what degree a lodged complaint is deemed the correct response by a lady or couple(a brush on the leg, a stroke on the bottom, brief sexual contact) is often skimmed over and a grey area. That's why if all first moves by men were made against the rules and all contact or play had to be initiated by women on a certain night then I imagine the ratio of couples and females attending on these nights would increase as a lot of ladies would feel safer. Plus it might feel empowering, them being the 'selecters' by actual rule as it were, as a lot of the time this happens to some extent already.

And the only thing they would risk is being told that a certain male didn't find them appealing sexually, which isn't harmful in the least. Essentially nothing to lose and everything to gain.

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By *nclebob321Man over a year ago

canterbury

"I find a hard shove and a very, very loud NO to be a very effective way to both get rid of them AND alert other people.

Can't say I've noticed it's only been 'Asian' men though. (Chinese? Indian? Korean? Afghan?)"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why some people have trouble with single guys in clubs, I never do.

All you have to do is tell them exactly what you want. If you only want them to watch 'n' wank then just say so, they invariably do exactly what they're told.

If you want them to touch then just guide their hands / cocks or whatever to the right place.

I guess the problems arise when the guys just have no idea what a woman is expecting of them.

If you don't want single guys at all - then what are you doing at a sex club on a mixed night? Go on a couples only night.

Janet"
thanks Janet wish everyone was like u

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"Though to what degree a lodged complaint is deemed the correct response by a lady or couple(a brush on the leg, a stroke on the bottom, brief sexual contact) is often skimmed over and a grey area. That's why if all first moves by men were made against the rules and all contact or play had to be initiated by women on a certain night then I imagine the ratio of couples and females attending on these nights would increase as a lot of ladies would feel safer. "

But those things aren't 'first move' - they're sexual assault!

A first move is saying 'would you be interested in playing?' not touching someones butt! Verbal communication comes before physical touch no matter who is doing the asking.

And having some meaningless rule like 'only women can ask men if they want to play' is not going to stop men thinking that they can touch you if they want.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

There aren't any clubs where non-consensual touching isn't against the rules.

And the only thing they would risk is being told that a certain male didn't find them appealing sexually, which isn't harmful in the least. Essentially nothing to lose and everything to gain."

You're still missing the point though...that some men would still just ignore the rules.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There aren't any clubs where non-consensual touching isn't against the rules.

And the only thing they would risk is being told that a certain male didn't find them appealing sexually, which isn't harmful in the least. Essentially nothing to lose and everything to gain.

You're still missing the point though...that some men would still just ignore the rules. "

Not if sticking to this simple premise hard and fast enough meant men were booted out regularly for any advances to a woman whatsoever without her making one first. A blanket ban of verbal, touching, absolutely anything without a woman explicitly telling them she wanted their attention beforehand would be the easiest to manage as there's no grey areas. It would pretty soon deliver the "smoking ban" effect as the attitude of the overwhelming majority of club patrons altered.

These feely fuckwits are probably the same kind of idiots who immediately when the smoking ban came in would think nothing of lighting up a cig in the average pub. They overwhelmingly wouldn't do it now as it's highly ostracized and know full well that it would result in them being unceremoniously dumped out of the door at the very least.

A lot of women would also relish their new status as 'hunters', would enjoy their night with not only no 'gropers' but no pressure to indulge at all if they didn't want to as no man present would be allowed to make any sort of approach whatsoever, including verbal. And the only thing they would possibly come up with is rejection from the guys in some cases, which causes no harm whatsoever, egos aren't fragile things, especially not when compared to the sense of having ones body pawed or mauled without consent.

There can't be only me that thinks this a good idea?

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By *aughtycouple1008Couple over a year ago

west london

Racist idiots. Is our culture like that. Hiding behind your keyboards and saying rubbish things. Im proud to be Asian and can assure you were not all the same

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

Not if sticking to this simple premise hard and fast enough meant men were booted out regularly for any advances to a woman whatsoever without her making one first."

Men *are* booted out of most clubs regularly for sexual assault. It doesn't put people off, apparently. I would imagine for many of these guys they've not been around the scene long.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Racist idiots. Is our culture like that. Hiding behind your keyboards and saying rubbish things. Im proud to be Asian and can assure you were not all the same"

I like proud people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not if sticking to this simple premise hard and fast enough meant men were booted out regularly for any advances to a woman whatsoever without her making one first.

Men *are* booted out of most clubs regularly for sexual assault. It doesn't put people off, apparently. I would imagine for many of these guys they've not been around the scene long."

And won't be around the scene for much longer too, if they have that attitude. I just feel a total "blanket ban" as it were would do more to get it through the thick skulls of a greater number of them that it's unacceptable.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

Not if sticking to this simple premise hard and fast enough meant men were booted out regularly for any advances to a woman whatsoever without her making one first.

Men *are* booted out of most clubs regularly for sexual assault. It doesn't put people off, apparently. I would imagine for many of these guys they've not been around the scene long.

There is a blanket ban on people sexually assaulting others.

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By *oubyLoverWoman over a year ago

East Yorkshire

But those things aren't 'first move' - they're sexual assault!

A first move is saying 'would you be interested in playing?' not touching someones butt! Verbal communication comes before physical touch no matter who is doing the asking.

And having some meaningless rule like 'only women can ask men if they want to play' is not going to stop men thinking that they can touch you if they want."

When I’ve complained at one club that I won’t name, the response has been ‘some ladies like that’

A nudge, a touch on the shoulder maybe but not blatant grabbing tits pussy or feeling up the inside of my leg that I’ve regularly complained of. The two are very different but some don’t get that sadly.

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

People think it's only Swingers clubs this happens. We have witnessed men acting inappropriate on the bike scene for years. Other bikers just turn a blind eye. We got so sick of witnessing this behaviour, both the inappropriate behaviour and actions of turning a blind eye we gave up on the scene. We didn't turn a blind eye and people weren't happy with us.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"People think it's only Swingers clubs this happens. We have witnessed men acting inappropriate on the bike scene for years. Other bikers just turn a blind eye. We got so sick of witnessing this behaviour, both the inappropriate behaviour and actions of turning a blind eye we gave up on the scene. We didn't turn a blind eye and people weren't happy with us. "

That's half the problem. Many fellow swingers will call you boring or frigid if you say you're not happy with sexual assault. Even on this thread people have suggested it's the women's fault.

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By *oubyLoverWoman over a year ago

East Yorkshire

That's half the problem. Many fellow swingers will call you boring or frigid if you say you're not happy with sexual assault. Even on this thread people have suggested it's the women's fault."

When challenge one bloke justified it with yes but your tits look so nice and grabbable

Since when did sexual assault become so normalised?

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By *K430Man over a year ago

Tipperary

Couldn't really be arsed with clubs to be honest , but this over familiar touching / feeling isn't new , and definitely isn't confined to a race or gender . Seems like clubs are sufficiently packed for certain people to get loose with their hands , and fuelled by drink or Christ knows what makes them even worse

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan over a year ago

salisbury

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By * and BCouple over a year ago

Durham

That's half the problem. Many fellow swingers will call you boring or frigid if you say you're not happy with sexual assault. Even on this thread people have suggested it's the women's fault."
We can't believe how others react turning a blind eye and saying nothing to with us or he's not done anything to me. Recent events in the press don't even make them behave. This goes for both sex. Some Woman think it's ok for them. I wore a kilt often and got so sick of females taking a feel. I would confront them saying how would you feel if I put my hand up yr skirt, they said that's different. Touching without consent.

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

"Racist idiots. Is our culture like that. Hiding behind your keyboards and saying rubbish things. Im proud to be Asian and can assure you were not all the same"

Someone would have to naive to think all Asians are like that but as only a small percentage of the people that attend swingers clubs are Asian a few of them acting badly make a big impression.

Frisky is not attracted to Arabic, Asian or oriental males so we don't go looking for them.

However if like us you have been approached 4 or 5 times and each has ended badly it does make you wary...

As for being racist at work my life depends on my co workers and trust me there are quite a few Asian guys that would be my first choice to work with...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Racist idiots. Is our culture like that. Hiding behind your keyboards and saying rubbish things. Im proud to be Asian and can assure you were not all the same"

Who has been racist? Not us for certain. We know not all men are the same, but it is the minority as in my own personal experience, which is all I have to speak from, every occasion of non consensual play has been with Asian men. Just saying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

There aren't any clubs where non-consensual touching isn't against the rules.

And the only thing they would risk is being told that a certain male didn't find them appealing sexually, which isn't harmful in the least. Essentially nothing to lose and everything to gain.

You're still missing the point though...that some men would still just ignore the rules.

There can't be only me that thinks this a good idea?"

How would it be any easier managed than it currently is? Men break rules, they still will. It is happening and will continue to happen. Not all clubs care when complaints are made, those men who just come up and touch without asking are still allowed in. It's just won't work.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There aren't any clubs where non-consensual touching isn't against the rules.

And the only thing they would risk is being told that a certain male didn't find them appealing sexually, which isn't harmful in the least. Essentially nothing to lose and everything to gain.

You're still missing the point though...that some men would still just ignore the rules.

There can't be only me that thinks this a good idea?

Using the club reviews here when clubs won’t respond adequately is one way of getting them to care.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/11/17 17:14:27]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/11/17 18:12:07]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But those things aren't 'first move' - they're sexual assault!

A first move is saying 'would you be interested in playing?' not touching someones butt! Verbal communication comes before physical touch no matter who is doing the asking.

And having some meaningless rule like 'only women can ask men if they want to play' is not going to stop men thinking that they can touch you if they want.

When I’ve complained at one club that I won’t name, the response has been ‘some ladies like that’

Wow they actually said that to you? That's awful.

Wish I knew which club so I can avoid it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm curious what people consider the etiquette in a dark room. If the room is truly dark then it is only by making physical contact that you discover another person. And often very quiet. What then.....stroke, fondle until told not to? Sober assume that by being in a dark room then we are fair game to be touched?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm curious what people consider the etiquette in a dark room. If the room is truly dark then it is only by making physical contact that you discover another person. And often very quiet. What then.....stroke, fondle until told not to? Sober assume that by being in a dark room then we are fair game to be touched?"

You have a voice

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By *oubyLoverWoman over a year ago

East Yorkshire

My own view is that normal rules don’t apply as a dark room is a place where the aim is touching or being touched by anonymous people. The right to say no still exists though.

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By *oreverHorny69Man over a year ago

Milnrow

I would never dream of touching without asking first. Otherwise it opens you up to endless accusations. I’m too shy and not quick enough to avoid a slap

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By *oris and doris wolvesCouple over a year ago

Wolverhampton

We had one guy say hey I have paid my money to come in so it's OK. Only said it once lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I would say the etiquette is that you still ask if it's ok for you to touch.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would say the etiquette is that you still ask if it's ok for you to touch. "

We just avoid the dark room!

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By *ptimusDMan over a year ago

Birmingham

Of course people touch without asking in swingers clubs. It should be expected and guarded against.

Why should swingers clubs be different from the rest of society.

Many of you ladies would have had to deal with being ogled and inappropriately touched by lewd fellows in all sorts of places. At work, your local, gym, church, train, etc

It shouldn't happen but it definitely does happen.

Swingers clubs can therefore not be expected to be the only places where everyone is perfectly behaved. I'll even argue that unsolicited touching happens less in swingers clubs than elsewhere.

So I'm afraid it's a case of doing what you can to reduce the chances of it happening to you. And if it does happen, don't ignore it by just saying nothing and walking away or leaving the room.

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By *amina T-girlTV/TS over a year ago

Stockport

I'm so glad people are talking about this x I think club owners need to up their game and educate every attendee. It's disgusting behaviour. It has happened to me to many times in clubs. Yes I'm there for sex however I'm human first not a sex object so should be treated with respect! Btw I find it's more white guys then Asian x not being bias x but yea the Asians need educating to x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm so glad people are talking about this x I think club owners need to up their game and educate every attendee. It's disgusting behaviour. It has happened to me to many times in clubs. Yes I'm there for sex however I'm human first not a sex object so should be treated with respect! Btw I find it's more white guys then Asian x not being bias x but yea the Asians need educating to x "

It appears some club owners dont view it as an issue.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im an asian guy and I've never touched a woman without consent. Im actually respectful and probably too shy to approach a woman but i will stare.

As It had been said before it depends on your background anyone from any race that thinks is okay to degrade women by thinking if its there they can touch it will do so at a swinging club or a normal one.

Making it all about one race is racist and leads to racial discrimination which seems to be a big trend on this site. Its disgusting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im an asian guy and I've never touched a woman without consent. Im actually respectful and probably too shy to approach a woman but i will stare.

Making it all about one race is racist and leads to racial discrimination which seems to be a big trend on this site. Its disgusting. "

We would agree with that as we have said before bad behaviour is not confined to any particular race in our experience.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If no-one educates them they'll never learn.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If no-one educates them they'll never learn."

All do of what I have seen and heard .

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