FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Respect at clubs.

Respect at clubs.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So on Saturday night we had an odd experience. While visiting a club on her own, Mrs kink made her way to a play room (this was the first time she had been to a club alone and was feeling a little nervous) when she heard some guys talking about her from outside the room. They started making assumptions on why she was there, saying things like

"there is a guy on his own in that room and a girl on her own in there, they must be a couple and have had a massive argument so have went I to separate rooms"

Now although this doesn't seem to be anything too bad, the fact remains that they have not even considered that she could here them and how that might make her feel. As it turns out, she just went and got dressed and left.

What could have been an amazing night for these guys ended up making her feel worthless and very uncomfortable. A little respect goes a long way.

Simply by walking in the room and saying hello would have revealed that she was there as a single bi female looking to be gangbanged.

Sorry if this seems a bit of a rant but it really ruined her night and it's not the first time she has experienced guys at the club showing no respect for her.

Rant over lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So on Saturday night we had an odd experience. While visiting a club on her own, Mrs kink made her way to a play room (this was the first time she had been to a club alone and was feeling a little nervous) when she heard some guys talking about her from outside the room. They started making assumptions on why she was there, saying things like

"there is a guy on his own in that room and a girl on her own in there, they must be a couple and have had a massive argument so have went I to separate rooms"

What could have been an amazing night for these guys ended up making her feel worthless and very uncomfortable. A little respect goes a long way.

Simply by walking in the room and saying hello would have revealed that she was there as a single bi female looking to be gangbanged.

Sorry if this seems a bit of a rant but it really ruined her night and it's not the first time she has experienced guys at the club showing no respect for her.

Rant over lol"

It is one of our beefs that people often chat whilst watching etc and it can be most distracting.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple over a year ago

In your bed

"there is a guy on his own in that room and a girl on her own in there, they must be a couple and have had a massive argument so have went I to separate rooms"

What could have been an amazing night for these guys ended up making her feel worthless and very uncomfortable. A little respect goes a long way.

Simply by walking in the room and saying hello would have revealed that she was there as a single bi female looking to be gangbanged.

Sorry if this seems a bit of a rant but it really ruined her night and it's not the first time she has experienced guys at the club showing no respect for her.

Rant over lol"

Quite literally their loss.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What could have been an amazing night for these guys ended up making her feel worthless and very uncomfortable. A little respect goes a long way.

Simply by walking in the room and saying hello would have revealed that she was there as a single bi female looking to be gangbanged.

Sorry if this seems a bit of a rant but it really ruined her night and it's not the first time she has experienced guys at the club showing no respect for her.

Rant over lol

It is one of our beefs that people often chat whilst watching etc and it can be most distracting.

Been three times to clubs. Each time some fuckwit chatting outside the room has spoilt a moment. The worst was a very pissed woman who walked into a crowded darkroom and started asking playing men whether she'd met them earlier that night.

I don't go to clubs to hear what you had for dinner, your review of other clubs whilst I'm playing or how bad the traffic is. That's what the bar is for.

And breathe....

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By *uietlyBohemianCouple over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

It is one of our beefs that people often chat whilst watching etc and it can be most distracting.

Absolutely! In the fet scene it's an expected (and usually adhered to) courtesy that if something's happening deliberately open to view, you can watch but stay quiet while there, so that the participants are not put off in any way.

In swinging, it's often the case that there are people up close talking - that *might* be OK if you've spoken before and actually do want to hear encouragement and comment, but like touching is not something you want to happen without discussion beforehand.

The worst is when there's someone loudly discussing their work/politics/extensive ailments right where you're currently engaged in naughties. Totally spoils the mood.

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"there is a guy on his own in that room and a girl on her own in there, they must be a couple and have had a massive argument so have went I to separate rooms"

What could have been an amazing night for these guys ended up making her feel worthless and very uncomfortable. A little respect goes a long way.

Simply by walking in the room and saying hello would have revealed that she was there as a single bi female looking to be gangbanged.

Sorry if this seems a bit of a rant but it really ruined her night and it's not the first time she has experienced guys at the club showing no respect for her.

Rant over lol"

Why did it make her feel worthless?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away! "

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

It was more that if they don't have enough respect for her to say hello and approach her as a fellow club member then how would they treat her during play? It's not put her off going to the club just on that occasion it made her not want to stay

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

It's possible they didn't want to play with her anyway. She didn't go to library, people are allowed to talk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

Did they actually indicate at any time that they wanted to play? If they thought she was there as a couple who had an argument, maybe they thought it was better not to get involved.

Personally, I don't think the men have done anything wrong.

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple over a year ago

Fareham

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

Maybe they were just thinking out loud... maybe they were thinking that if she'd just had an argument with her partner then she wasn't up for being approached at all? Maybe they were trying to gauge her mood. Maybe they worried that it they approached her they'd get a mouthful for being so insensitive. Maybe your wife could've smiled and said hi to indicate she was indeed approachable. A situation with a lot of maybes... things are rarely black or white.

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By *ozartCouple over a year ago

newbury

If you wAnt to go play at clubs always tricky to find right atmosphere , guys girls couples , always hard to get it perfect

, we go a lot but leave dissapointed more but always return , single guys lose our more than anyone !

Bit of patience and respect goes a long wAy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

" If they thought she was there as a couple who had an argument, maybe they thought it was better not to get involved.

Personally, I don't think the men have done anything wrong."

My point exactly, if they "thought" why make these assumptions and start spreading gossip or #fakenews about someone without knowing the facts. No-one is saying that either the guys involved nor my wife would have been interested in playing with each other. The matter in question is that of basic respect. A simple hello would have revealed the truth instead of letting everyone in the club think that she has had a huge argument with some guy that she has never even met that they assume is her husband

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I think that is a fair point to make....

I don't think any club says "friendly" if people start making presumptions as soon as people walk thru the door... and talking in the play areas (loudly) is a pet peeve of mine as it does tend to spoil the atmosphere a bit.....

and i think that has to be pointed out a bit more in most clubs to be honest....

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

Not just this. I've heard a lot of negative things on the forums about clubs and with me a woman going alone I'm bound to take heed. I've heard hardly any positives. Maybe you could enlighten me if you have visited clubs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

I've been to Kestrels quite a few times and I think it's a lovely, friendly club.

Of course you're going to get a few idiots but you get idiots everywhere.

The majority of single men that go are very polite, well mannered and actually appreciate a woman talking to them in the first place.

I feel sorry for a lot of them because they obviously don't want to come across as pests. A smile and a hello is all it takes instead of waiting for them to make the first move.

Just remember, most people only post what they see as negative things that have happened to them at a club. Not many will start a thread saying what a great time they had.

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

I've been to Kestrels quite a few times and I think it's a lovely, friendly club.

Of course you're going to get a few idiots but you get idiots everywhere.

The majority of single men that go are very polite, well mannered and actually appreciate a woman talking to them in the first place.

I feel sorry for a lot of them because they obviously don't want to come across as pests. A smile and a hello is all it takes instead of waiting for them to make the first move.

Just remember, most people only post what they see as negative things that have happened to them at a club. Not many will start a thread saying what a great time they had."

Food for thought, thank you. Just wondering how to deal with 'idiots' if I'm alone.

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By *ethnmelvCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

We have been to quite a few clubs and have never had a bad time. Just look on the Club section, look at Club websites, give them a call and see which night they would suggest for a nubbie. Every, and we do mean every, club we have been to have gone out of their way to help you feel comfortable, show you around and introduce you to people to talk to. Swingers Clubs are a million times easier to go to than Nightclubs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just remember, most people only post what they see as negative things that have happened to them at a club. Not many will start a thread saying what a great time they had."

This is quite true. I really enjoy clubs but I think I also mostly post when something negative has happened. I should change that!

To the OP, those guys shouldn't have made assumptions. But at the same time, I wouldn't have let them dictate my night. Why not just have stayed and played with people who were nice and respectful?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

I've been to Kestrels quite a few times and I think it's a lovely, friendly club.

Of course you're going to get a few idiots but you get idiots everywhere.

The majority of single men that go are very polite, well mannered and actually appreciate a woman talking to them in the first place.

I feel sorry for a lot of them because they obviously don't want to come across as pests. A smile and a hello is all it takes instead of waiting for them to make the first move.

Just remember, most people only post what they see as negative things that have happened to them at a club. Not many will start a thread saying what a great time they had.

Food for thought, thank you. Just wondering how to deal with 'idiots' if I'm alone. "

There will always be people around.

It might be worth going to a club during the day for the first time.

I prefer Kestrels to Abfabs. It just seems a friendlier atmosphere and not just people posing.

I don't mind chatting to men who are polite even if I'm not interested in playing with them but I make it clear it won't go any further than a chat.

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By *ove bi guysWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

I've been to Kestrels quite a few times and I think it's a lovely, friendly club.

Of course you're going to get a few idiots but you get idiots everywhere.

The majority of single men that go are very polite, well mannered and actually appreciate a woman talking to them in the first place.

I feel sorry for a lot of them because they obviously don't want to come across as pests. A smile and a hello is all it takes instead of waiting for them to make the first move.

Just remember, most people only post what they see as negative things that have happened to them at a club. Not many will start a thread saying what a great time they had."

Bad news travels further...

As someone who has been going to clubs for 10 yrs I think single guys get a lot of bad press and the vast majority are nice, normal guys trying to have some fun without offending people (who seem to be more and more easily offended).

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By *dores blackmenWoman over a year ago

incognito mode ;-)

Sometimes woman who like a bit of a gangbang,usually chat to guys in social areas first,then take one or more to a open room,then others may watch or join in if you allow

Sounds like they just made assumptions as she went in room alone,there probably not use to woman alone in there first,and didn't know what to do

I've been going to clubs many years alone,I switch off to what's going on outside a room and concentrate on the man I'm with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

I've been to Kestrels quite a few times and I think it's a lovely, friendly club.

Of course you're going to get a few idiots but you get idiots everywhere.

The majority of single men that go are very polite, well mannered and actually appreciate a woman talking to them in the first place.

I feel sorry for a lot of them because they obviously don't want to come across as pests. A smile and a hello is all it takes instead of waiting for them to make the first move.

Just remember, most people only post what they see as negative things that have happened to them at a club. Not many will start a thread saying what a great time they had.

Bad news travels further...

I couldn't agree more

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By *uckandbunnyCouple over a year ago

In your bed

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

You get idiots in all walks of life. If they are in a club you can ignore them or walk away. If it's a one on one meet you have to manage that yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

Did they actually indicate at any time that they wanted to play? If they thought she was there as a couple who had an argument, maybe they thought it was better not to get involved.

Personally, I don't think the men have done anything wrong."

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By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

" As it turns out, she just went and got dressed and left."

Overreact

Much?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well this is first!

Imagine the general reaction if a single guy let alone a few guys opened the door of a private room there would be uproar and rightly so.

Seems like a lack in communication or dammed if you don't syndrome

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

How did she know they were talking about her?

Like being on this site, you need to be tough to visit a swinger club alone. You can't assume that people are judging you or talking about you, as there are lots of other people there. And you are putting yourself in a situation where intimacy is likely to happen. Assuming that people having a perfectly normal conversation are a) talking about you and b) talking shit about you is a bit odd.

I am a single female who used to regularly attend swinger clubs on my own. I always had a fantastic time, because people are friendly, and its a safe way to indulge yourself. Being put off attending a club because of what was probably a miscommunication is again, a bit odd.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think those outside the room despite their assumptions did the right thing in not knocking on the door or opening it. Well played the lady for going to a club on her own but it was a little over reactive in making a dramatic exit.

Group sex involving a single lady need to be carefully carried out and a gatekeeper on hand to ensure that the safety of the lady is maintained.

Perhaps the disrespect is allowing someone to attend a group sex session without a gatekeeper?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

Did they actually indicate at any time that they wanted to play? If they thought she was there as a couple who had an argument, maybe they thought it was better not to get involved.

Personally, I don't think the men have done anything wrong."

What the heck did they say wrong?! Why didn't she go talk to them? Are they mind readers?

Sounds to me more like the men were being respectful and leaving them to it. They can't win!

Sorry but she sounds like a special snowflake.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think those outside the room despite their assumptions did the right thing in not knocking on the door or opening it. Well played the lady for going to a club on her own but it was a little over reactive in making a dramatic exit.

Group sex involving a single lady need to be carefully carried out and a gatekeeper on hand to ensure that the safety of the lady is maintained.

Perhaps the disrespect is allowing someone to attend a group sex session without a gatekeeper?"

Some people need looking after.

Single woman looking for a gangbang gets uptight about some men talking together? They might not even have been talking about her.

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By *ynecplCouple over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I think I know which club that your wife went to on Saturday night and it is couples night with only five or six very trusted single guys allowed. As they were not in the room I don't think they have done anything wrong they were probably trying to gauge from one another if any of them knew your wife status on the night.

It can be tough for single guys at a club do they approach a woman or a couple and try to start a conversation. If they felt that she had arrived as part of a couple and there had been some sort of argument they were probably very wary of approaching and getting a mouthful

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By *achel LondonTV/TS over a year ago

Uxbridge

Biggest Problem I have is too many Clubs either Not Allowing me entry or want to treat me charge me as single male and totally disrespectful Its hard enough as it is to get out and meet others at clubs as I go on my own

What is it with you all an I really that offensive to other club members ?? Everyone I know and meet hasn't any issue So Please Explain Why I'm treated like some Alien ????

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I think the key things here are that

1. She ended up feeling uncomfortable and left. This was down to the circumstances on the night. No-one is saying these were bad guys, just that they made assumptions.

2. We have learned from it and will now only attend on greedy girls nights.

3. Laying down in a public play room to masturbate will put guys off.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman over a year ago

B & M Bargains

"I think the key things here are that

1. She ended up feeling uncomfortable and left. This was down to the circumstances on the night. No-one is saying these were bad guys, just that they made assumptions.

2. We have learned from it and will now only attend on greedy girls nights.

3. Laying down in a public play room to masturbate will put guys off.

How would they know that she wanted them to join in? Does she not have a voice? I wouldn't just lie on a bed and presume men would flock to me

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

How would they know that she wanted them to join in? Does she not have a voice? I wouldn't just lie on a bed and presume men would flock to me

That last one was clearly put in as a bit of a joke, indicated by the wink face next to it.

Sometimes we forget how serious people are on here.

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By *iReyWoman over a year ago

Cheshire East

I've been to about 6 or 7 different clubs atleast monthly for about 3 years now, I have experienced disrespectful people but only about 4 times, which in total really isn't all that much if you think about it. Hasn't put me off, I enjoy the atmosphere and sexy people far too much lol

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman over a year ago

B & M Bargains

How would they know that she wanted them to join in? Does she not have a voice? I wouldn't just lie on a bed and presume men would flock to me

That last one was clearly put in as a bit of a joke, indicated by the wink face next to it.

Sometimes we forget how serious people are on here. "

Ok but then I don't understand how they were disrespectful, if she goes into a room and doesn't ask people to join her then how would they know she wanted them to?

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

This is one of wiggles main rules at a club.. if a guy hasn't talked to her out of a room, she dosnt care how fit they are she won't play.

Especially now she works behind bar, so is easy to talk too.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

How would they know that she wanted them to join in? Does she not have a voice? I wouldn't just lie on a bed and presume men would flock to me

That last one was clearly put in as a bit of a joke, indicated by the wink face next to it.

Sometimes we forget how serious people are on here.

Ok but then I don't understand how they were disrespectful, if she goes into a room and doesn't ask people to join her then how would they know she wanted them to?"

I agree. The only thing they did 'wrong' was talking too loud. That is a common problem.

But what they didn't do anything to make her feel worthless.

They mistakenly thought she'd had a domestic. If they were disrepectful, they could have gone in and tried to play with her but they didn't.

I don't get it tbh.

MrB

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

How would they know that she wanted them to join in? Does she not have a voice? I wouldn't just lie on a bed and presume men would flock to me

That last one was clearly put in as a bit of a joke, indicated by the wink face next to it.

Sometimes we forget how serious people are on here.

Ok but then I don't understand how they were disrespectful, if she goes into a room and doesn't ask people to join her then how would they know she wanted them to?"

Especially as single men have it drummed into them in clubs not to push themselves onto women, and I think they feel it is easier to just not approach single women or couples in case of offense. I struggled to get attention in clubs until I realised I had to talk to men, so they knew it was OK to approach me.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"I was thinking of going to a club alone but thanks to the OP my mind is now made up. I'll stay away!

Two guys just saying they think a man and a woman have had a row and gone into separate rooms has put you off going to a club alone?

Did they actually indicate at any time that they wanted to play? If they thought she was there as a couple who had an argument, maybe they thought it was better not to get involved.

Personally, I don't think the men have done anything wrong."
actually neither do I, doesn't sound disrespectful to me, are people not allowed to talk in clubs now?

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