FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Women have all the power
Women have all the power
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By *pressive OP Couple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
This topic may have been covered before.. so forgive me.... We have visited a few clubs and almost always enjoy our time, but i have noticed how much power the woman have over every encounter and yet, they do not seem to realise it. Single men won't make a move unless they are invited, and the men with partners seem to be waiting for that signal from their women.. yet, to get things started, all it takes a smile and a nod from the woman and quiet evening can get very exciting.. Have anyone else notice this or am I wrong in my observation? |
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By *MaleMan
over a year ago
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"This topic may have been covered before.. so forgive me.... We have visited a few clubs and almost always enjoy our time, but i have noticed how much power the woman have over every encounter and yet, they do not seem to realise it. Single men won't make a move unless they are invited, and the men with partners seem to be waiting for that signal from their women.. yet, to get things started, all it takes a smile and a nod from the woman and quiet evening can get very exciting.. Have anyone else notice this or am I wrong in my observation?"
If the female aint given 'the sign' then respecting males wont make the move, maybe not even approach.
It can be different with fems you know who are looking to to be dominated, taken, claimed, ganged. Even then there's still a game on sign etc.
It's good to hear you've encountered the fem control & male respect/restraint in clubs. Going on some posters here someone that knows no different might think clubs are full of singles making any old move without ant kind've welcome or sign. |
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As a single female who attends clubs alone it's not always easy to talk to couples either as I don't know what they're looking for, hence I tend to just play with single males to save the hassle! I've seen many a couple argue about how they wanted their night for it to not pan out like they wanted and I don't want to be the one that caused it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a single female who attends clubs alone it's not always easy to talk to couples either as I don't know what they're looking for, hence I tend to just play with single males to save the hassle! I've seen many a couple argue about how they wanted their night for it to not pan out like they wanted and I don't want to be the one that caused it!"
It is surprising how couples jump in feet first with communicating to each other effectively. |
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The Mrs and I had this very conversation the other day after visiting some clubs in Birmingham.
Yes we guys can ask our partners if we may approach others but if you get the 'look' that's as far as it gets. Or you see the guys make
Eye contact and first thing he does it taps partner on shoulder or indicates someone else
Is there and then nothing happens till you see the nod/sign etc from the woman.
Yes woman have control  |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
"I guess, the point I am trying to explore here ls, ladies you really do hold power here. Most guys are simply waiting for a positive invite.... "
I completely agree - I'm a "green light" man: no matter how well I may be getting on with a lady when I start chatting with her, if I don't get an obvious sign she wants to play, then I don't assume she wants to play and is simply being cordial. |
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By *rtemis08Couple
over a year ago
Carmarthen |
Having been a woman in a club (with my SO) I found it to be intimidating. I struggled with the fact that if I happened to glance at someone as they were looking at me it meant they thought I was giving them the come on. Which then was awkward when trying to politely leave the conversation without hurting anyone feelings. The thing I struggled with most was when their female halves would come up in their behalf and ask if I was interested. How do you say no without causing grief... Why did I not find her SO attractive etc
Was awkward. But having observed many ladies around me at the clubs I would definitely say women for the most part rule the roost. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We actually say that swinging is female led to all of our newbies. The women take a lead; if they don't make the first move, it doesn't happen. Everyone knows where they are then. "
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"As a single female who attends clubs alone it's not always easy to talk to couples either as I don't know what they're looking for, hence I tend to just play with single males to save the hassle! I've seen many a couple argue about how they wanted their night for it to not pan out like they wanted and I don't want to be the one that caused it!"
Milfy same here, often there is a couple I think I would love to play but never ask as I always wait to be invited.
Saying that even single women, I take a while to ask if they want to play and never assume that they do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to get alot of messages after I visit clubs , along the I saw you and wanted to say hi line. Royally pissed me off! Just come abd say hi. That's a missed opportunity I nay not be coming out to play again for ages or may just be visiting the area. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"I tend to get alot of messages after I visit clubs , along the I saw you and wanted to say hi line. Royally pissed me off! Just come abd say hi. That's a missed opportunity I nay not be coming out to play again for ages or may just be visiting the area."
Well I will say hello if I ever see you in amours or cupids.
I can understand why it would piss you off, for me it's not saying hello that is the problem it's the 'do you want to play' line that's awkward one lol.
For me I normally say hello to the people I want to, even if it is just a hello how have you been nice to put a body and face to a fab name. I just forget to say do you want to play this evening
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tend to get alot of messages after I visit clubs , along the I saw you and wanted to say hi line. Royally pissed me off! Just come abd say hi. That's a missed opportunity I nay not be coming out to play again for ages or may just be visiting the area.
Well I will say hello if I ever see you in amours or cupids.
I can understand why it would piss you off, for me it's not saying hello that is the problem it's the 'do you want to play' line that's awkward one lol.
For me I normally say hello to the people I want to, even if it is just a hello how have you been nice to put a body and face to a fab name. I just forget to say do you want to play this evening
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You bloody better Mike!! That's what I don't get a hi and chatting is just that. I totally understand people being wary about the 'do you want to play line'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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with us it's not the women that has the power, or the guy...it's the alcohol. we've been to clubs all over europe and had lots of fun and I can honestly say we've never given 'the look' 'the signal' or 'invited ' anyone. we just drink a lot then start playing on a bed. the first thing we'll know about somebody else even being in the room is a hand on karens ass or maybe even a cock in her mouth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont like to take the lead.. 
Nor me. And I would never assume anyone would want to play with me anyway. You make it sound easier than it is OP.  "
Yes. I don't like being predatory either, and often find men don't approach me at all in clubs. It doesn't matter though as I can enjoy my time dancing and socialising. It must be a fine balance for men, whether to approach or not, but I never mind if the man is friendly and polite. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"I tend to get alot of messages after I visit clubs , along the I saw you and wanted to say hi line. Royally pissed me off! Just come abd say hi. That's a missed opportunity I nay not be coming out to play again for ages or may just be visiting the area.
Well I will say hello if I ever see you in amours or cupids.
I can understand why it would piss you off, for me it's not saying hello that is the problem it's the 'do you want to play' line that's awkward one lol.
For me I normally say hello to the people I want to, even if it is just a hello how have you been nice to put a body and face to a fab name. I just forget to say do you want to play this evening
You bloody better Mike!! That's what I don't get a hi and chatting is just that. I totally understand people being wary about the 'do you want to play line'."
Normally if I am at the bar, and someone says hello to someone I am talking I always introduce myself.
Lol sometimes I will get introduced as well, oh this is mike, though sometime it will be with a bit of banter
Also I tend to be one of the few cockneys in the north west clubs so people kind of know me for that |
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Women totally have the power! It's fantastic to see in effect! 
At Townhouse this last Friday I (Rob) was waiting my turn at the bar. In front of me was a stunning lass in lingerie also waiting. She was surrounded by guys in pants or towel also waiting their turn at the bar. Whereas the guys were bunched together in the crowd, the lady had a clear space all around her that no one violated. No one made a move to make any contact with her or to engage her in any way. She got her drinks and then left.
If this had been at almost any other vanilla bar, she'd likely have been chatted up or at worst groped in the press of people.
I know not all club clientele behave so appropriately but we do see this level of respect more in swingers clubs than we do on a regular night out. |
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I find all this club etiquette confusing, daunting, and off-putting to be honest, the whole 'Do I?', 'Should I?', 'What if?'. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who finds it difficult to just relax and enjoy the club experience |
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I think so long as people can separate a friendly hello from an invitation to have fun together then they will do fine at clubs.
We always tend to be the approachers in clubs. Which is sometimes awkward as you never know what reaction you may get. But I can't think of a time when anyone has been rude even if we were not their type. |
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We have found too many guys don't come and say hi whilst we are clothed and chatting, but as soon as we get naked they are very interested - maybe its a fashion thing!?
When we are in clubs we are happy to talk to anyone, we don't want to be monopolised, or to do the same to others - we usually know within a couple of minutes if we are interested. Yes B has a certain advantage as she is a gorgeous woman, & I'm a bloke, but it is not hard to go and say hello to anyone - one of our male friends was very succesful because he was good at approaching people - not just saying fancy a shag!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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when i go to a club we tend to hover in the bar area for a time to start off conversations - nothing wrong with anybody saying hi - a quick hi back doesnt mean its a comeon - chatted to so many people that wouldnt play with - but there has to be that first passing smile to each other for example - |
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It is amazing how many times guys have come over to talk to me (& offer their cock to be sucked!) when B is giving me a bj! Unless they have talked to us first there is zero chance of that happening!
Just say hello, to both of us... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess, the point I am trying to explore here ls, ladies you really do hold power here. Most guys are simply waiting for a positive invite.... "
The trouble I have is that I'm a bit old fashioned and shy. I can't ever imagine being brave enough to make the first move! Even when I have quite liked someone and made lots of eye contact they haven't approached me so either a) they didn't fancy me b) they were waiting for a more definite invitation. It's tricky for guys because the ones who approach you and ask you to play tend to be pushy and the ones who are respectful tend to get left! |
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" It's tricky for guys because the ones who approach you and ask you to play tend to be pushy and the ones who are respectful tend to get left!"
You can't help feeling people are hoping someone 'better' might turn up too
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's true women have control but also.so do couples.
Guys are very much the poor relations in.its a great girl night and even then women hand couples do.have the ultimate power |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find all this club etiquette confusing, daunting, and off-putting to be honest, the whole 'Do I?', 'Should I?', 'What if?'. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who finds it difficult to just relax and enjoy the club experience "
Exactly how I feel. In a club it's almost if you need a sixth sense as to who's interested in you. Do you approach them? Are they interested? Most times you leave with nothing happening.
I think most club owners could do more to get people to socialise. Just to getconversarions going, rather than just taking money and then ignoring you a night |
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"I find all this club etiquette confusing, daunting, and off-putting to be honest, the whole 'Do I?', 'Should I?', 'What if?'. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who finds it difficult to just relax and enjoy the club experience
Exactly how I feel. In a club it's almost if you need a sixth sense as to who's interested in you. Do you approach them? Are they interested? Most times you leave with nothing happening.
I think most club owners could do more to get people to socialise. Just to get conversations going, rather than just taking money and then ignoring you a night"
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"I find all this club etiquette confusing, daunting, and off-putting to be honest, the whole 'Do I?', 'Should I?', 'What if?'. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who finds it difficult to just relax and enjoy the club experience
Exactly how I feel. In a club it's almost if you need a sixth sense as to who's interested in you. Do you approach them? Are they interested? Most times you leave with nothing happening.
I think most club owners could do more to get people to socialise. Just to getconversarions going, rather than just taking money and then ignoring you a night"
You don't need a sixth sense. Just the art of conversation.
It really is as simple as going up to someone and saying hi.
If you were out in town, or at work and there was a lady you liked the look of, would you go say hi or just wait for some unknown force to thrust you together.
For any social interaction there has to be an approach by one of the parties involved. Whether that is making a friend, acquaintance or fuck buddy. |
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"Wouldnt really know the answer to it as i have never had any offers in club
I was offered 'Tea or coffee?' last club I visited
Better than mine. Hope you got a biscuit"
No biscuit, and I opted for tea as the coffee was instant freeze-dried |
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"Wouldnt really know the answer to it as i have never had any offers in club
I was offered 'Tea or coffee?' last club I visited
Better than mine. Hope you got a biscuit
No biscuit, and I opted for tea as the coffee was instant freeze-dried "
Nice i just get ignored all the time |
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"I find all this club etiquette confusing, daunting, and off-putting to be honest, the whole 'Do I?', 'Should I?', 'What if?'. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who finds it difficult to just relax and enjoy the club experience
Exactly how I feel. In a club it's almost if you need a sixth sense as to who's interested in you. Do you approach them? Are they interested? Most times you leave with nothing happening.
I think most club owners could do more to get people to socialise. Just to getconversarions going, rather than just taking money and then ignoring you a night
You don't need a sixth sense. Just the art of conversation.
It really is as simple as going up to someone and saying hi.
If you were out in town, or at work and there was a lady you liked the look of, would you go say hi or just wait for some unknown force to thrust you together.
For any social interaction there has to be an approach by one of the parties involved. Whether that is making a friend, acquaintance or fuck buddy. "
spot on |
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I don't think it's about " etiquette being confusing". Just treat
People as you would in everyday life. Say hello read the signs. Give them some space if you think they are not intrested. GO OVER AND SAY HI. |
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"I don't think it's about " etiquette being confusing". Just treat
People as you would in everyday life. Say hello read the signs. Give them some space if you think they are not interested. GO OVER AND SAY HI. "
I've got my next club visit planned (not a return to the two previous ones), and I'll go with an open mind again |
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By *aaLaaWoman
over a year ago
Pontesbury |
I almost fell fowl of this last Sunday, I'd decided a guy really wasn't interested, turns out he was just being really careful and my trying to play footsie with him wasn't a strong enough signal |
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"As a single female who attends clubs alone it's not always easy to talk to couples either as I don't know what they're looking for, hence I tend to just play with single males to save the hassle! I've seen many a couple argue about how they wanted their night for it to not pan out like they wanted and I don't want to be the one that caused it!
It is surprising how couples jump in feet first with communicating to each other effectively. "
Absolutely true, A & I at our first club attendance said we didn't have to play. Hours later on the car journey home we looked at each other and said "would you have liked to play with that couple"... we both answered "he'll yes".. Bloody missed opportunity and it showed us the importance of communication!
PS... McCann Chip couple please get in touch lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find all this club etiquette confusing, daunting, and off-putting to be honest, the whole 'Do I?', 'Should I?', 'What if?'. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who finds it difficult to just relax and enjoy the club experience
Exactly how I feel. In a club it's almost if you need a sixth sense as to who's interested in you. Do you approach them? Are they interested? Most times you leave with nothing happening.
I think most club owners could do more to get people to socialise. Just to getconversarions going, rather than just taking money and then ignoring you a night
You don't need a sixth sense. Just the art of conversation.
It really is as simple as going up to someone and saying hi.
If you were out in town, or at work and there was a lady you liked the look of, would you go say hi or just wait for some unknown force to thrust you together.
For any social interaction there has to be an approach by one of the parties involved. Whether that is making a friend, acquaintance or fuck buddy.
spot on "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find all this club etiquette confusing, daunting, and off-putting to be honest, the whole 'Do I?', 'Should I?', 'What if?'. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who finds it difficult to just relax and enjoy the club experience "
It's not just single men that feel like this - I felt like this too when we started out - but all our positive social interactions with swingers have helped us to keep it simple - 'treat others how you would like to treated'.
Power in clubs - I agree that female swingers are generally the ones who have the power to invite the play to start or to stop it from developing but I think there are a lot of dynamics at play and there are many subtle layers of social/sexual behaviour. xxx |
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"I find all this club etiquette confusing, daunting, and off-putting to be honest, the whole 'Do I?', 'Should I?', 'What if?'. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who finds it difficult to just relax and enjoy the club experience
Exactly how I feel. In a club it's almost if you need a sixth sense as to who's interested in you. Do you approach them? Are they interested? Most times you leave with nothing happening.
I think most club owners could do more to get people to socialise. Just to get conversations going, rather than just taking money and then ignoring you a night
"
Why do the club owners have to do more to get people to do anything? Just approach people and chat.
We met a new guy in a club the other week. He approached a group of regulars and just said, 'hi, I'm new would you mind if I sat here' he was joined in the conversation.
Sometimes, it just needs the big boy pants to go on. |
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