FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Quest - cross dressing on couples nights
Quest - cross dressing on couples nights
Jump to: Newest in thread
Goooood morning funky fabsters! 
My gf and I have been chatting about starting attending couples only nights at clubs. I'm very new to the scene and she has never been.
Do other cd's / tv's go on couples nights with their partners?
Is it something that's accepted on couples nights? I obviously wouldn't want any negativity on our first visit together.
Also when I've been to Quest on TV and admirer days I've been given a key for the female changing rooms to get myself ready. Would this be what I do on a couples day or would I use the male changing room?
Very new so not fully up to speed with club etiquette! 
Thank you for any advice  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi there, thank you for your message. To be honest, i don't recall other CD/TV couples attending the couples only events, which is not to say that they wouldn't be more than welcome. However, if you and your partner were to come to a couples event you would have to use the male changing room. This is the case for any session at Quest other than for the dedicated CD/TV and Admirers' events.
If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to call and we look forward to seeing you and your partner soon.
Kind regards
Quest |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi there, thank you for your message. To be honest, i don't recall other CD/TV couples attending the couples only events, which is not to say that they wouldn't be more than welcome. However, if you and your partner were to come to a couples event you would have to use the male changing room. This is the case for any session at Quest other than for the dedicated CD/TV and Admirers' events.
If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to call and we look forward to seeing you and your partner soon.
Kind regards
Quest"
Out of interest - what do you do for women's changing on the dedicated nights? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
We attended Quest on a Friday evening and I was surprised to see a CD using the ladies' changing room at the same time as me. Surprising as the management say that men should not use the women's changing room - and a CD is certainly a man. Perhaps Quest management could comment and clarify. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'd like to think that it would be wherever the TV/TS/TG felt most comfortable tho to be honest! If that's how they see themselves, as a woman, I would treat them accordingly and therefore expect them in the ladies. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When myself (well male me!), my girlfriend and two other couples came to the club a week or so ago, we had a great time; so it's good to read that if I was to come on a couples night I wouldn't be turned away.
It's a bit of a shame though that I would have to use the guys changing room. While I'm not full time, I personally identify as female when in girl mode, two mindsets, not totally seperate, but quite distinct. So would prefer to use the womens changing room.
The same would go for the toilets, would it be insisted upon that I use the gents?
Bit of shame this really
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just to add as well. Whenever I go to 'nilla bars I always use the Ladies, and not once have I had a problem or complaint about it. I've actually been welcomed if nothing else. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just to add as well. Whenever I go to 'nilla bars I always use the Ladies, and not once have I had a problem or complaint about it. I've actually been welcomed if nothing else. "
If your pictures are anything to go by I would doubt many, if any, would read you as trans anyway. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just to add as well. Whenever I go to 'nilla bars I always use the Ladies, and not once have I had a problem or complaint about it. I've actually been welcomed if nothing else.
If your pictures are anything to go by I would doubt many, if any, would read you as trans anyway."
Thanks |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We attended Quest on a Friday evening and I was surprised to see a CD using the ladies' changing room at the same time as me. Surprising as the management say that men should not use the women's changing room - and a CD is certainly a man. Perhaps Quest management could comment and clarify."
Did it bother you or just surprise you?
I must admit this is a tricky area for club owners as there will be different views. Clubs like to cater for everyone and generally make as much effort as they can. Having dedicated nights is one way.
However I can't help feeling that making cd's change in the mens changing room is out of step with the times. I personally would find it a little upsetting to be made to use the mens changing room, though I would hate even more to make women uncomfortable by my presence, so I wouldn't go, even though I would be en femme on arrival and therefore not that likely to have to use either changing rooms other than to touch up my make up.
I suppose the good thing about clubs is that it shouldn't actually be dangerous to use a mens changing rooms, which is sadly not always the case in the wider society, so perhaps it is something I should get over. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
"We attended Quest on a Friday evening and I was surprised to see a CD using the ladies' changing room at the same time as me. Surprising as the management say that men should not use the women's changing room - and a CD is certainly a man. Perhaps Quest management could comment and clarify.
Did it bother you or just surprise you?
I must admit this is a tricky area for club owners as there will be different views. Clubs like to cater for everyone and generally make as much effort as they can. Having dedicated nights is one way.
However I can't help feeling that making cd's change in the mens changing room is out of step with the times. I personally would find it a little upsetting to be made to use the mens changing room, though I would hate even more to make women uncomfortable by my presence, so I wouldn't go, even though I would be en femme on arrival and therefore not that likely to have to use either changing rooms other than to touch up my make up.
I suppose the good thing about clubs is that it shouldn't actually be dangerous to use a mens changing rooms, which is sadly not always the case in the wider society, so perhaps it is something I should get over."
Not bother, just surprise. It is a difficult situation to judge. Cross dressing does not necessarily imply gender reorientation - quite a few men get a sexual kick out of wearing women's clothes without any sense of being other than a man (just look at some of the threads of the forum). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We attended Quest on a Friday evening and I was surprised to see a CD using the ladies' changing room at the same time as me. Surprising as the management say that men should not use the women's changing room - and a CD is certainly a man. Perhaps Quest management could comment and clarify.
Did it bother you or just surprise you?
I must admit this is a tricky area for club owners as there will be different views. Clubs like to cater for everyone and generally make as much effort as they can. Having dedicated nights is one way.
However I can't help feeling that making cd's change in the mens changing room is out of step with the times. I personally would find it a little upsetting to be made to use the mens changing room, though I would hate even more to make women uncomfortable by my presence, so I wouldn't go, even though I would be en femme on arrival and therefore not that likely to have to use either changing rooms other than to touch up my make up.
I suppose the good thing about clubs is that it shouldn't actually be dangerous to use a mens changing rooms, which is sadly not always the case in the wider society, so perhaps it is something I should get over.
Not bother, just surprise. It is a difficult situation to judge. Cross dressing does not necessarily imply gender reorientation - quite a few men get a sexual kick out of wearing women's clothes without any sense of being other than a man (just look at some of the threads of the forum). "
This is precisely why i asked. I'm new and have found the changing room thing a tad confusing - I'm not fussed which I use providing I cause no offence.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would be interested to know how str8 couples feel about TVS attending the same events.
Would you feel awkward or would you just do your own thing.
How many would be happy to chat x"
This!!
I really hope there are some straight couples who answer x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hi there, thank you for your message. To be honest, i don't recall other CD/TV couples attending the couples only events, which is not to say that they wouldn't be more than welcome. However, if you and your partner were to come to a couples event you would have to use the male changing room. This is the case for any session at Quest other than for the dedicated CD/TV and Admirers' events.
If you have any more questions, please don't hesitate to call and we look forward to seeing you and your partner soon.
Kind regards
Quest"
HI
thank you for your reply.
My partner is female, I cross dress. We're looking for a club we can attend where we'd be welcomed on couples nights as she is not keen on the idea of nights open to single males. This is why I was asking if I'd be ok on couples night, it's couples ideally we'd be interested in x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *.i.cCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"I would be interested to know how str8 couples feel about TVS attending the same events.
Would you feel awkward or would you just do your own thing.
How many would be happy to chat x
This!!
I really hope there are some straight couples who answer x"
We would do our own thing and chat |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would be interested to know how str8 couples feel about TVS attending the same events.
Would you feel awkward or would you just do your own thing.
How many would be happy to chat x
This!!
I really hope there are some straight couples who answer x
We would do our own thing and chat "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would be interested to know how str8 couples feel about TVS attending the same events.
Would you feel awkward or would you just do your own thing.
How many would be happy to chat x
This!!
I really hope there are some straight couples who answer x"
I am the fem half of a couple and neither of us have any issues with TVs, either in the club itself or in the changing rooms.
Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Personally I wouldn't dream of changing or using the men's loos or changing areas.
I have always used the ladies loo and been greeted with smiling faces by the sinks wherever I go.
As for changing, again I've always used the female area or couples area as I arrive female but in more acceptable attire for the outside world, then pop something sexy on. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's an interesting conundrum. Having thought about this before the only concept I could come up with is unisex changing areas. But that would both some people as well.
Why do we separate the sexes.
And does someone being trans/cd make them any different or change the reason why sexes are kept separate.
Ie do we keep sexes separate for safety reasons are men prone to wandering hands? Are cd/trans individuals more or less prone to this behaviour?
Or is it because of comfort. Ie are people concerned about being on show for others when changing? They may want to fuck others but don't want to be exposing themselves to all. Are trans/cd's less likely to be perving on women than straight men?
But then throw in bi sexuality, you could be changing with women only, but those women could also be just as likely to touch or perv if that's their thing?
Do venues need a 3Rd changing facility? what would be the cost? What is the cost of individual changing and how practical is it?
At the moment demand is probably small and so it's a bit hit and miss and see how we go. but it maybe something lots of places have to consider in the future whether swinging or vanilla.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would be interested to know how str8 couples feel about TVS attending the same events.
Would you feel awkward or would you just do your own thing.
How many would be happy to chat x
This!!
I really hope there are some straight couples who answer x"
I don't really think it matters what other people think, as long as you/others are enjoying themselves.
If a crossdresser present means that a couple don't enjoy their evening, perhaps they need to examine their personal ideology? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Im not judging .... im just saying ....
This is a forum isnt it ??????  "
Hi hunni
Most TVS I know are really friendly so next time you see one why not take her under your wing. I can guarantee that if she is in the ladies changing room she will probably feel a lot more uncomfortable than you do. You never know you might make a really good friend and we have some great girls nights out.
If I'm in town ( normally in the Gay section) I always use the girls loo and have never had any problems. Young girls in particular are always very friendly.
As far as perving goes how would a girl know if a bi girl was perving her, or if a bi guy was in the male changing room the same would apply.
Just relax go with the flow and above all have fun x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We attended Quest on a Friday evening and I was surprised to see a CD using the ladies' changing room at the same time as me. Surprising as the management say that men should not use the women's changing room - and a CD is certainly a man. Perhaps Quest management could comment and clarify."
experienced this a few times at quest... and no one seemed bothered. I am used to getting changed in mixed changing rooms so didnt bother me x
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *LUKCouple
over a year ago
Loughborough |
"I really hope there are some straight couples who answer x"
I honestly can't see why anyone would have a problem unless they're a massive arsehole.
The only club we've been to that have had TVS in attendance was VA and no one had a problem. Actually that's not entirely true, I did have a minor problem, Mrs JLUK spent about 20 minutes talking to a couple about make-up 
As for the changing room situation, I'm actually quite shocked that there's a swingers club that doesn't have unisex changing rooms. Been to many a club around the UK and never witnessed that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To answer the op and from someone that its not her thing... Doesn't bother me at all if tv/ts are in a club.. we all like what we like.
My only objections come from poor behaviour and that ive seen across the board..
When i worked at a club i once had the difficult job of defusing a situation where a gentleman had unwittingly had a bj from a lovely trans lady... so after calming the gentleman down.. my words were simply that she should let people be aware of who she is... as saves others then having to deal with the fall out when its not a bi or tv/ts specific event.
Clubs are there for all.. and as long as everyone respects everyones wishes then no worries.. I don't like seeing guy on guy action and avoid nights i may do so... but if i do happen to come across anything i dont enjoy watching. I just move along. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
well we have always said that tv cd or ts should always be welcomed in any club,we personally know the lovely gloria and you couldnt meet a nicer caring and fun person,steve is straight and always has time for them,always enjoys getting to know them,and they enjoy trying to convert him lol, xxjunexx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As a trans girl I'm very self conscious of my body and especially if I need to remove my wig.
I'd much rather a private cubicle or a trans only room.
As that's not an option then the female changing is next best.
Trust me when I say it's everyone looking to see what lies beneath my clothes rather than me perving. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
When i worked at a club i once had the difficult job of defusing a situation where a gentleman had unwittingly had a bj from a lovely trans lady... so after calming the gentleman down.. my words were simply that she should let people be aware of who she is... as saves others then having to deal with the fall out when its not a bi or tv/ts specific event.
"
If she is a transwoman then she is female. She doesn't need to 'let people be aware' because she is a woman. Just as you don't need to tell people you are a woman, because you are a woman too.
If a man has a problem with having sex with some women he doesn't find attractive, he should be more careful where he puts his cock. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some great points about bi women and men in changing rooms. Seen bi women get away with stuff any guy wouldn't!! Just because someone is female it doesn't mean they aren't going to break boundries!
What if a transguy (ftm) came to the club with his partner? Would he have to get changed in ladies?
Quest has been the only club i've been to with split changing rooms, and it was a bit odd, though I can see why they have done it that way.
At least it had lockers and changing rooms... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some great points about bi women and men in changing rooms. Seen bi women get away with stuff any guy wouldn't!! Just because someone is female it doesn't mean they aren't going to break boundries!
What if a transguy (ftm) came to the club with his partner? Would he have to get changed in ladies?
"
As someone who present as male sometimes, I've been told on those occasions I have to pay the male entry fee (because the club was trying to balance out male/female numbers and discourages men) and would have to use the male changing rooms (even though that's pretty dangerous for me). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some great points about bi women and men in changing rooms. Seen bi women get away with stuff any guy wouldn't!! Just because someone is female it doesn't mean they aren't going to break boundries!
What if a transguy (ftm) came to the club with his partner? Would he have to get changed in ladies?
As someone who present as male sometimes, I've been told on those occasions I have to pay the male entry fee (because the club was trying to balance out male/female numbers and discourages men) and would have to use the male changing rooms (even though that's pretty dangerous for me)."
I should add - not at Quest. At other clubs. I've not been to Quest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"well we have always said that tv cd or ts should always be welcomed in any club,we personally know the lovely gloria and you couldnt meet a nicer caring and fun person,steve is straight and always has time for them,always enjoys getting to know them,and they enjoy trying to convert him lol, xxjunexx "
Hi gorgeous
Be nice to have a truly trans friendly club in the north east?? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some great points about bi women and men in changing rooms. Seen bi women get away with stuff any guy wouldn't!! Just because someone is female it doesn't mean they aren't going to break boundries!
What if a transguy (ftm) came to the club with his partner? Would he have to get changed in ladies?
As someone who present as male sometimes, I've been told on those occasions I have to pay the male entry fee (because the club was trying to balance out male/female numbers and discourages men) and would have to use the male changing rooms (even though that's pretty dangerous for me)."
Hmm yeah maybe I worded that a bit wrong. I think if there are seperate rooms and you are checking in a trans customer you should perhaps ask them what changing room they are happy to use and go with their wishes unless they turn out to be a problem. Sometimes people try to hard to be inclusive and don't quite make the right decisions. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Some great points about bi women and men in changing rooms. Seen bi women get away with stuff any guy wouldn't!! Just because someone is female it doesn't mean they aren't going to break boundries!
What if a transguy (ftm) came to the club with his partner? Would he have to get changed in ladies?
As someone who present as male sometimes, I've been told on those occasions I have to pay the male entry fee (because the club was trying to balance out male/female numbers and discourages men) and would have to use the male changing rooms (even though that's pretty dangerous for me)."
Is it dangerous?
Why would/should a mens changing room be dangerous?
Are we men incapable of keeping out hands to ourselves?
Does this not play into the theory that a trans presenting as a woman maybe dangerous in a female changing room. Or does a sex change or personality type mean only straight y chromosomes are dangerous. Or is it x, I forget.
I'm sorry pc is not my forte. So I may not get the words as precise as I should.
Whilst my experience is biased by my gender I've never been in a male changing room or unisex changing room where people have behaved in a threatening manner.
But like I say maybe I am very naive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some great points about bi women and men in changing rooms. Seen bi women get away with stuff any guy wouldn't!! Just because someone is female it doesn't mean they aren't going to break boundries!
What if a transguy (ftm) came to the club with his partner? Would he have to get changed in ladies?
As someone who present as male sometimes, I've been told on those occasions I have to pay the male entry fee (because the club was trying to balance out male/female numbers and discourages men) and would have to use the male changing rooms (even though that's pretty dangerous for me).
Is it dangerous?
Why would/should a mens changing room be dangerous?
Are we men incapable of keeping out hands to ourselves?
Does this not play into the theory that a trans presenting as a woman maybe dangerous in a female changing room. Or does a sex change or personality type mean only straight y chromosomes are dangerous. Or is it x, I forget.
I'm sorry pc is not my forte. So I may not get the words as precise as I should.
Whilst my experience is biased by my gender I've never been in a male changing room or unisex changing room where people have behaved in a threatening manner.
But like I say maybe I am very naive. "
Personally I find that groups of men can be quite aggressive when faced with a transperson (and there are actually lots of studies on crime statistics that back this up). So being in a changing room with all men and it being discovered that I'm 'different' is a situation that is threatening to me. Especially in a sexually charged environment such as a sex club.
Last time I used the male changing room a guy decided that I was only in there because I was a slut who wanted to shag more men, and he attempted to grab me. He wasn't d*unk, and the men in the changing room didn't try and stop him. I think it is unlikely that kind of situation with a lone transwoman or two (or even male to female crossdressers) in a female changing room. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Personally I find that groups of men can be quite aggressive when faced with a transperson (and there are actually lots of studies on crime statistics that back this up). So being in a changing room with all men and it being discovered that I'm 'different' is a situation that is threatening to me. Especially in a sexually charged environment such as a sex club.
Last time I used the male changing room a guy decided that I was only in there because I was a slut who wanted to shag more men, and he attempted to grab me. He wasn't d*unk, and the men in the changing room didn't try and stop him. I think it is unlikely that kind of situation with a lone transwoman or two (or even male to female crossdressers) in a female changing room."
You see it just does not work in my head, I think I must have undergone some kind of conditioning. It would never occur to me to just grab a woman or a man for that matter. I just don't get it.
Sorry to hear it's down to experience rather than theory. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Personally I find that groups of men can be quite aggressive when faced with a transperson (and there are actually lots of studies on crime statistics that back this up). So being in a changing room with all men and it being discovered that I'm 'different' is a situation that is threatening to me. Especially in a sexually charged environment such as a sex club.
Last time I used the male changing room a guy decided that I was only in there because I was a slut who wanted to shag more men, and he attempted to grab me. He wasn't d*unk, and the men in the changing room didn't try and stop him. I think it is unlikely that kind of situation with a lone transwoman or two (or even male to female crossdressers) in a female changing room.
You see it just does not work in my head, I think I must have undergone some kind of conditioning. It would never occur to me to just grab a woman or a man for that matter. I just don't get it.
Sorry to hear it's down to experience rather than theory."
There are lots of academic writings on the subject too. For instance Jack Halberstam wrote at length about 'the bathroom problem'. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Thats a terrible thing to have happened Interrupted85.
Unfortunatley I've seen this sort of thing happen from all kinds of people. Men, Women, Trans.
Perosnally I've been verbally abused by a guy in a mixed changing room just for being in girl mode. Had lesbian women make comments about me in toilets of gay bars, never to my face but in clear ear shot.
It just comes down to the people you are around and their mindset. Some are truly accepting of all, others are very closed minded.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
When i worked at a club i once had the difficult job of defusing a situation where a gentleman had unwittingly had a bj from a lovely trans lady... so after calming the gentleman down.. my words were simply that she should let people be aware of who she is... as saves others then having to deal with the fall out when its not a bi or tv/ts specific event.
If she is a transwoman then she is female. She doesn't need to 'let people be aware' because she is a woman. Just as you don't need to tell people you are a woman, because you are a woman too.
If a man has a problem with having sex with some women he doesn't find attractive, he should be more careful where he puts his cock."
she still had a fully working cock... the guy was quite upset and the advice I always gave was to tell people not to leave it till they found the added extras.. i have many trans friends and they wouldn't dream of tricking a guy as if the guy is straight... its asking for trouble.. There words not mine x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Some fantastic comments above, thank you everyone for your feed back and sharing your experiences.
I had never even thought prior to going to quest (my first and only club so far) about changing rooms... I just got a male key strode in and put my lingerie and heels on!
But my concern came from my first varification - if you read it as lovely as the feedback is it clearly says he was shocked to see me in the male changing rooms. No problem with it, just that it wasn't obviously the norm. Now that was a Thursday afternoon TV and admirer day. Hence me asking what the norm is on a couples night, but there does not seem to be one.
I'm tough enough to cope with anything anyone throws at me - what's important to me is how much my partner enjoys her first experience and how much we enjoy the night together.
Myself aside, I certainly wouldn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me as I consider myself a cross dresser and don't have a feminine look in my opinion.
As my profile says, a sexy bloke in sexy underwear |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We attended Quest on a Friday evening and I was surprised to see a CD using the ladies' changing room at the same time as me. Surprising as the management say that men should not use the women's changing room - and a CD is certainly a man. Perhaps Quest management could comment and clarify."
This is exactly what happened when we went one Saturday night a few months ago |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My suggestion would be, perhaps, to attend whilst not dressed the first time and suss the vibe out."
I was thinking this, but then I wouldn't get a true sense of the vibe unless I was actually dressed  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it would be good if quest management were to come back and clarify their stance on this
What ever they say it will upset someone."
Well yes but clarification is always a positive thing |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Interesting thread. Which toilet or changing rooms to attend in the vanilla world is a recurring topic on dedicated trans forums and the usual answer is use the one relevant to the gender you are presenting in.
I had never thought of it as perhaps being different in a swingers club as I thought if anything what was beneath the clothes was kind of what people are there for anyway and genitalia of either sex should bother us least of all. Also I thought we would respect etiquette and touching rules but it seems some are arseholes.
One thing that has jolted me. I was in the Empire Cinema on Monday. I would never have thought it necessary to tell people I was a TV but as I was coming out of the loo I was asked by a guy if I gave hand relief. I was a little surprised at the question but then said with a laugh 'I suppose so'. But then he said 'you are a woman aren't you?' To which, once I'd recovered from the shock, I had to say no. Bless him he then grabbed my tits to make sure they weren't real and said 'oh, we well in that case I'll pass'.
Leaving aside that he didn't just make my day he most probably made my month, if he hadn't asked the question I would have said nothing. Not because I wanted to deceive anyone but because it just hadn't occurred to me anyone would think I was a natal female. Though I suppose I do go shopping and to gigs and generally don't arouse a lot of interest, but in venues or events where tgirls are expected to frequent, which the empire is, nobody usually has any doubt. I thought. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It took me some time to read this thread, trans,tv,ts,cd,gay,bi what ever you are you should do what makes you happy. Who are we to say you should or should not do what makes you feel good and maybe complete. Listen,if a trans for example wants to drink pints and smoke fat cigars or dress as a women (maybe even both) who are we to say NO. Give everyone a chance to show you who they are and you may end up with a friend for life afterall this is 2016 not 1816 isnt it? Live and let live but just be respectfull and remember your quick chat could change a life for ever and maybe even save one..... peace to all. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"It took me some time to read this thread, trans,tv,ts,cd,gay,bi what ever you are you should do what makes you happy. Who are we to say you should or should not do what makes you feel good and maybe complete. Listen,if a trans for example wants to drink pints and smoke fat cigars or dress as a women (maybe even both) who are we to say NO. Give everyone a chance to show you who they are and you may end up with a friend for life afterall this is 2016 not 1816 isnt it? Live and let live but just be respectfull and remember your quick chat could change a life for ever and maybe even save one..... peace to all."
This really made me smile xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It took me some time to read this thread, trans,tv,ts,cd,gay,bi what ever you are you should do what makes you happy. Who are we to say you should or should not do what makes you feel good and maybe complete. Listen,if a trans for example wants to drink pints and smoke fat cigars or dress as a women (maybe even both) who are we to say NO. Give everyone a chance to show you who they are and you may end up with a friend for life afterall this is 2016 not 1816 isnt it? Live and let live but just be respectfull and remember your quick chat could change a life for ever and maybe even save one..... peace to all."
This.. All about this! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I go to quest alot,it wouldnt bother me if a cd or tv..ect uses womens toilets.some people ive met in there i couldnt even tell untill they told me ....and alot of them are sexy as hell. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Its black and white surely.
Mens changing for those with a dick
Ladies changing for those with a vagina
Toilets its the same, simple . "
No it really isn't black and white, legally there are now several gender assignations. This in terms of gender transition it makes things very difficult to state 'you have a penis, irrespective of how you associate, you must use this bathroom'. The best way to deal with things is for the person to use the changing room/ bathroom according to the gender with which they personally associate. I know I'd much prefer that to be the case in all aspects of life, not just in clubs
I would have thought that Quest; being a club that welcomes CD (albeit on specific events) would be sensitive to this issue
Beard |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We attended Quest on a Friday evening and I was surprised to see a CD using the ladies' changing room at the same time as me. Surprising as the management say that men should not use the women's changing room - and a CD is certainly a man. Perhaps Quest management could comment and clarify.
I know this won't be popular but whether you are dressed as a woman or not you are still a man. The only difference is the clothes you are wearing and some make up. If a non TV/CD went in he'd be kicked out of the club. Rules are there for everyone and I (Mr SnT) wasn't happy about it to be honest. It maybe that I'm just a bit old-fashioned and a bit out of step with current thinking on this subject. Feel free to aim your abuse at me but please leave Mrs SnT out of it.
This is exactly what happened when we went one Saturday night a few months ago "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I must be really simple or something because I just assumed that ts/cd/tv etc would just use the ladies changing room/toilet as no doubt they are a better space with half decent mirrors etc for them to get ready. Ess |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"It does appear it's only a minority that would be offended, which has been a pleasant surprise for me "
I think offended is a tad strong. I think most people who would object do it on the basis of 'what if'
The 'what if' point of view is a valid concern, it maybe unlikely but that does not invalidate it.
Personally I don't care as it makes little to no difference to me.
But if as some has stated above people should just go were they feel they identify best, what is to stop straight men saying they identify best in the female changing rooms.
Forget about swinging, if that was the case everywhere then think about swimming pool changing facilities, school changing facilities etc.
Caveating that by saying well you have to also look like a female would not work either, as we have already seen above some females prefer to identify as male but would find it dangerous to change with males. Also who would be the arbiter of how people feel and look?
Now like I said I'm not sure how likely the 'what if' point of view is, but if we did agree that people should just go were they identify then it does leave a loop hole for some people who would not stick to the spirit in which it was meant.
Now I would like to think no one would take advantage of that, but I would also like to think any body, female, trans, cd, etc could walk into a male changing area with no issues. But I've already been proven to be naive in that matter.
I do think an open unisex changing area is the most feasible solution for all issues, but that only works primarily in swinging clubs. (But I do think that having separate facilities is probably something some swinging patrons enjoy.)
Like I said for me I would not care as toilets and changing facilities I'm pretty easy with any solution. But I can see why some may have concerns and prefer separate facilities.
I think objections are less about genuine trans/non binary folk, more about people who could take advantage of any such situations.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It does appear it's only a minority that would be offended, which has been a pleasant surprise for me
I think offended is a tad strong. I think most people who would object do it on the basis of 'what if'
The 'what if' point of view is a valid concern, it maybe unlikely but that does not invalidate it.
Personally I don't care as it makes little to no difference to me.
But if as some has stated above people should just go were they feel they identify best, what is to stop straight men saying they identify best in the female changing rooms.
Forget about swinging, if that was the case everywhere then think about swimming pool changing facilities, school changing facilities etc.
Caveating that by saying well you have to also look like a female would not work either, as we have already seen above some females prefer to identify as male but would find it dangerous to change with males. Also who would be the arbiter of how people feel and look?
Now like I said I'm not sure how likely the 'what if' point of view is, but if we did agree that people should just go were they identify then it does leave a loop hole for some people who would not stick to the spirit in which it was meant.
Now I would like to think no one would take advantage of that, but I would also like to think any body, female, trans, cd, etc could walk into a male changing area with no issues. But I've already been proven to be naive in that matter.
I do think an open unisex changing area is the most feasible solution for all issues, but that only works primarily in swinging clubs. (But I do think that having separate facilities is probably something some swinging patrons enjoy.)
Like I said for me I would not care as toilets and changing facilities I'm pretty easy with any solution. But I can see why some may have concerns and prefer separate facilities.
I think objections are less about genuine trans/non binary folk, more about people who could take advantage of any such situations.
"
It's a valid point that you're making but in doing this you would alienate or at the very least put off the people that you're making the decision about.
If we start making decisions based around the minority of people that would attempt to take advantage of a situation then we should close all clubs and this site as a minority of people often try to take advantage
Beard |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
It's a valid point that you're making but in doing this you would alienate or at the very least put off the people that you're making the decision about.
If we start making decisions based around the minority of people that would attempt to take advantage of a situation then we should close all clubs and this site as a minority of people often try to take advantage
Beard"
The whole topic is about making decisions. it also has impacts outside of swinging.
As more people identify as non binary there issues with binary society will need to be addressed.
They maybe a minority but it will require some thought as to how best address their concerns.
Simply saying everyone should just do as they please does not tend to lead to positive outcomes in society. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Well I'd like to thank everyone for their input into this thread, all excellent comments and I'm glad everyone was honest.
My reason for starting the thread was to find out if I'd be accepted on a couples night and also which changing rooms to use as I wasn't sure.
Well after the majority on the thread said they wouldnt have a problem - we decided to go last night and I did dress
no wig, no makeup (as that's not me) just me in my sexy lingerie.
I loved it! So did my partner and everyone in the club was complimenting me and it was smiles everywhere I looked.
The blokes in the changing room complimented me and chatted to me, ladies were all over me all night smothering me in kisses and compliments! I felt a million dollars
I honestly do not believe anyone in that club would have had a problem where I got changed! And I now feel confident enough to do it all again and hopefully will be doing very soon.
Thank you to Quest for your excellent hospitality too, you have an awesome club! XxX |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *LUKCouple
over a year ago
Loughborough |
"Well I'd like to thank everyone for their input into this thread, all excellent comments and I'm glad everyone was honest.
My reason for starting the thread was to find out if I'd be accepted on a couples night and also which changing rooms to use as I wasn't sure.
Well after the majority on the thread said they wouldnt have a problem - we decided to go last night and I did dress
no wig, no makeup (as that's not me) just me in my sexy lingerie.
I loved it! So did my partner and everyone in the club was complimenting me and it was smiles everywhere I looked.
The blokes in the changing room complimented me and chatted to me, ladies were all over me all night smothering me in kisses and compliments! I felt a million dollars
I honestly do not believe anyone in that club would have had a problem where I got changed! And I now feel confident enough to do it all again and hopefully will be doing very soon.
Thank you to Quest for your excellent hospitality too, you have an awesome club! XxX"
Excellent, glad you braved it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I'd like to thank everyone for their input into this thread, all excellent comments and I'm glad everyone was honest.
My reason for starting the thread was to find out if I'd be accepted on a couples night and also which changing rooms to use as I wasn't sure.
Well after the majority on the thread said they wouldnt have a problem - we decided to go last night and I did dress
no wig, no makeup (as that's not me) just me in my sexy lingerie.
I loved it! So did my partner and everyone in the club was complimenting me and it was smiles everywhere I looked.
The blokes in the changing room complimented me and chatted to me, ladies were all over me all night smothering me in kisses and compliments! I felt a million dollars
I honestly do not believe anyone in that club would have had a problem where I got changed! And I now feel confident enough to do it all again and hopefully will be doing very soon.
Thank you to Quest for your excellent hospitality too, you have an awesome club! XxX"
Just read the whole thread and got goosebumps reading this glad you had a great time |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
fem of the cpl here myself and my partner would have no issue at all with regard to TS/TV/CD being in a changing area as may of my friends are from the community and our way of looking at it is its a room to get ready in end of n yes mirrors are always better in cpls/ladies areas n many girls like the banter n make up advice you get in changing rooms. I would also like to point out that i have never had a TS/TV/CD stand there gawking at me or my partner touching their cock in a changing room if thats what a worry is for some they have always been super chatty about outfits hair n makeup just like any other girl would be |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
But if your attending a normal evening or afternoon the ladies may not want you in their toilets/changing rooms and this has to be respected just the same as no means no |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"But if your attending a normal evening or afternoon the ladies may not want you in their toilets/changing rooms and this has to be respected just the same as no means no"
Thinking that way the same could be said for the men's changing room, where would that leave us?
Like I said above I received nothing but smiles and compliments, everyone there was very open minded and welcoming. I suspect the club scene may not be the most enjoyable of experiences for someone with such thoughts |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Why would you want 1/ to go to a normal swinging night 2/ go into the ladies even though your a man that likes to dress in women's clothes, clubs provide special days for CD/TV to attended, now if I went on one of those days I wouldn't even think about it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why would you want 1/ to go to a normal swinging night 2/ go into the ladies even though your a man that likes to dress in women's clothes, clubs provide special days for CD/TV to attended, now if I went on one of those days I wouldn't even think about it"
Clubs generally provide special bi days too and yet when I go on a normal night I see many women playing with each other. Why is this any different? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Why would you want 1/ to go to a normal swinging night 2/ go into the ladies even though your a man that likes to dress in women's clothes, clubs provide special days for CD/TV to attended, now if I went on one of those days I wouldn't even think about it"
I suspect you have not read the thread properly.
I was asking which changing rooms to use so as not to cause offence. I'm comfortable in either as it's just a room to lock my outside clothes in.
And why would I want to go on a "normal" night as you call it - because many people were recommending I go and when I did boy was I made welcome and had lots and lots of fun!
why wouldn't I want to go?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *LUKCouple
over a year ago
Loughborough |
" a normal swinging night "
An oxymoron if ever I saw one.
Why would anyone have a problem with it on a 'normal' night though? (And what is normal?)
Personally couldn't give two shits if anyone wants to dress in lingerie or in a suit. Once they're dressed to impress it's fine by me.
I know I'm repeating myself on this thread but why does any club separate male/female changing rooms? It seems really bizarre. Been to many club over the last few years (VA, Xtasia, La Chambre, Liberty Elite, Chams off the top of my head), all with unisex changing rooms and never seen (or heard of) a problem. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *jxxxxCouple
over a year ago
Leeds |
We've visited most clubs in the north and never known as many tvs attend a club - but perhaps that's because the quest management team embrace them so much?!?
The club has a tolerant attitude set by the owners and, on the whole, that openness is reflected in its guests. I'm sure I've seen mixed TV couples on couple's nights. And why shouldn't they be allowed? What makes your kink 'better' than theirs? People in glass houses and all that....
But that's just my opinion as a regular Quest going 'straight couple'.
Tvs I'd say you're more than welcome at Quest...and for those who don't feel the same...tbh, plenty more clubs for you elsewhere xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We've visited most clubs in the north and never known as many tvs attend a club - but perhaps that's because the quest management team embrace them so much?!?
The club has a tolerant attitude set by the owners and, on the whole, that openness is reflected in its guests. I'm sure I've seen mixed TV couples on couple's nights. And why shouldn't they be allowed? What makes your kink 'better' than theirs? People in glass houses and all that....
But that's just my opinion as a regular Quest going 'straight couple'.
Tvs I'd say you're more than welcome at Quest...and for those who don't feel the same...tbh, plenty more clubs for you elsewhere xx"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Interesting posts... our first regular club was the oldest club in england la chambre. Interestingly they made the changing area unisex open plan just off the side of the dance floor bar area. With loos for males and females both upstairs and ground floor. After getting used to changing in a corridor as such, it does seam a very simple solution to changing. Saves having to seperate as a couple and also means sharing a locker is dead easy. After going to quest the first time my first impression was how faffy the chaning room setup was. The toilets in my opinion need improving regard less of whos in them. We like to change together as I help with stocking fitting or shoe removing lol... chams also have a good solution, unisex changing for couples and single females with single guys using a seperate changing area. Toilets are all unisex.... I really think as long as the single females are happy open plan unisex changing works well for all. We see this open changing setup in the clubs in gran canaria too...Mr pleasures. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
