FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Crossing the line
Crossing the line
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?"
Care to explain ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?"
Do you mean they were playing within the realms of informed consent? So had pre-agreed what was permitted? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?
Do you mean they were playing within the realms of informed consent? So had pre-agreed what was permitted? "
No I mean that I don't think that they were. I wasn't party to the play and only saw the end of the situation but it seemed to be very close to the line. I was wondering if some people do assume consent because of the context |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"No I mean that I don't think that they were. I wasn't party to the play and only saw the end of the situation but it seemed to be very close to the line. I was wondering if some people do assume consent because of the context "
*nod* I can imagine situations where this can happen.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No I mean that I don't think that they were. I wasn't party to the play and only saw the end of the situation but it seemed to be very close to the line. I was wondering if some people do assume consent because of the context
*nod* I can imagine situations where this can happen. "
I think it's something that could potentially go by the way and people assume that because a person is in a place that they are accepting of sexual contact |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?
Do you mean they were playing within the realms of informed consent? So had pre-agreed what was permitted?
No I mean that I don't think that they were. I wasn't party to the play and only saw the end of the situation but it seemed to be very close to the line. I was wondering if some people do assume consent because of the context "
They do.
They shouldn't.
We avoid dark rooms for this reason. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?"
I think you are taking the 'art of being offended on others behalf' to another level hahaha |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"No I mean that I don't think that they were. I wasn't party to the play and only saw the end of the situation but it seemed to be very close to the line. I was wondering if some people do assume consent because of the context
*nod* I can imagine situations where this can happen.
I think it's something that could potentially go by the way and people assume that because a person is in a place that they are accepting of sexual contact"
Can you explain what you saw? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Yes, some people do assume consent in many contexts.
Lots of men think a naked woman on a naturist beach is up for sex.
Lots of women assume that it's ok to touch a man in a swingers club without asking.
Lots of men assume that women who dress a certain way are "up for it"
Lots of women assume all men have consented to being flashed.
I can think of many more examples but you get my drift |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?
I think you are taking the 'art of being offended on others behalf' to another level hahaha"
Offended on other's behalf? Someone being in a sexual situation that is potentially excessive? I'm not talking about someone making a comment about someone's appearance! The flippant nature of your post is dismissive of the topic and of others safety. Have a thought before your fingers type
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?
Do you mean they were playing within the realms of informed consent? So had pre-agreed what was permitted?
No I mean that I don't think that they were. I wasn't party to the play and only saw the end of the situation but it seemed to be very close to the line. I was wondering if some people do assume consent because of the context "
yes they do..just because im blindfolded in a club, doesn't make it ok to touch me without asking..loads of people do this. i know i play with fet on the swinger scene and not all swingers know fet etttiquette..which we dont use with others, but being stood alone for a matter of seconds, so i dont get trampled in a crowded locker room is supposed to be safe..It isnt because it was taken for granted i was 'up for grabs'..even that was ok..but the woman who assaulted me while i was like that and thought it was funny..made us realise that i cannot be left like that again.. respect seems to out of the window these days...its consent at every stage of contact, even contact at all. and for everyone's information, please don't disturb a fet couple in a scene, unless you ask, that sub you touch is in a vulnerable, sometimes altered state, which is being managed by a bond of trust...please dont assume you have that trust too x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No I mean that I don't think that they were. I wasn't party to the play and only saw the end of the situation but it seemed to be very close to the line. I was wondering if some people do assume consent because of the context
*nod* I can imagine situations where this can happen.
I think it's something that could potentially go by the way and people assume that because a person is in a place that they are accepting of sexual contact"
Yes lots do. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?"
Did you raise your concerns with Management so they could look into the matter? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Lots of people are afraid to speak up when they would rather not be in a situation. Consent should never be assumed. However people should also speak up. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As many posters have said , they don't visit dark rooms for the reasons that consent in the context of being in a dark room is vague .
Just as it would be in a glory hole situation .
There's a level of expectation on both parties in these situations , and by the nature of the environment the usual protocols will change .
It's unlikely a woman will enter a dark room and not expect to be touched while in there . And if guys ask , she may not know who is asking so one has to ask if there's any point him asking . As to what may go on , how far she wants to go , what she wants etc.... She will no doubt have in mind what she is comfortable with . But , she may just want to see how it goes , and to be in there in the first place , no doubt she will have considered most eventualities . She may want to just let anything go and see . So if everyone asks , chats , determines boundaries etc.... It could spoil her experience .
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some people are just arseholes. The amount of men that I've had grab my bum etc in the cinema at chams without being invited and I even had a female half of a couple start playing with me in the jacuzzi with out asking first however they soon get a sharp no thanks.
So if that's what you mean then I don't think we leave ourselves open I think it's down to other people not understanding the basic swinging rules.
Obviously Consent can be non verbal too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Last night I attended a club and in a dark room I saw something that was a little 'close to the line' regarding consent and where the line is. It left me with a degree of disquiet about how people play and what is ok regarding what we leave ourselves open to.
Do we as swingers walk a thin line and leave ourselves open?
Did you raise your concerns with Management so they could look into the matter?"
No, simply because it was a situation that caused me disquiet and led to me questioning the concept of consent. It wasn't an emergency and the lady in question may have been fine about it.
It was only this morning that we talked about it and felt that the guys involved may have been walking a line regarding consent and what is acceptable
My question is simply 'do we as swingers assume consent on an implicit level in group play situations?' |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Some people are just arseholes. The amount of men that I've had grab my bum etc in the cinema at chams without being invited and I even had a female half of a couple start playing with me in the jacuzzi with out asking first however they soon get a sharp no thanks.
So if that's what you mean then I don't think we leave ourselves open I think it's down to other people not understanding the basic swinging rules.
Obviously Consent can be non verbal too "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Some people are just arseholes. The amount of men that I've had grab my bum etc in the cinema at chams without being invited and I even had a female half of a couple start playing with me in the jacuzzi with out asking first however they soon get a sharp no thanks.
So if that's what you mean then I don't think we leave ourselves open I think it's down to other people not understanding the basic swinging rules.
Obviously Consent can be non verbal too "
It's not even about swinging rules, it's about sexual consent |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We've witnessed an incident in a dark room before, but this put us off more the club than the type of room. We started playing in a dark room, and there was an MMF taking place, we assumed a couple and a plus one. Part way through one of the males said "put it up her arse" next thing we knew she jumped up in pain as he'd just tried to force it in. When she got off the bed she could barely stand through drink. She disappeared for a short while then was seen 30 minutes later still drinking with 2 different men.
I've quite often wondered if we should have done or said something as thining about it leaves us feeling uncomfortable to say the least. But she was sat with the management drinking afterwards so I really don't think it would have done any good, plus I have no desire to potentially get into an arguement with a d*unk woman.
But it's a tough call when you haven't got the full facts and concerned on someone's wellbeing
Ginger |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think it's understood .... Dark rooms - entering is the consent .....and that beds to be explained before entry ....
It's both tantalising and frightening ....
I think if it's going to the point of no return - then asking consent is totally warranted however the chances are, it's not going to happen in a dark room .... That's saying it as it is !
Don't go in
Or
take someone in with you to protect you at that crossing line moment
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Consent is everything. If you aren't comfortable communicating openly and honestly then you really shouldn't be having sex. Communication before, during, after. And any changes in your partner/partners' response checked -- passive inaction is not consent. If anything you're involved in or observe of others causes you to go "hmm", IMO you should trust your gut -- check it out with that person. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's understood .... Dark rooms - entering is the consent .....and that beds to be explained before entry ....
It's both tantalising and frightening ....
I think if it's going to the point of no return - then asking consent is totally warranted however the chances are, it's not going to happen in a dark room .... That's saying it as it is !
Don't go in
Or
take someone in with you to protect you at that crossing line moment
"
I disagree with entering the room being consent! Just because I happen to go into a dark room with a parter, doesn't mean I'm allowing anyone and everyone the right to touch my body.
It was a single F and 6/7 men. (I am afforementioned Redhead btw). It was a strange situation and having spoken to the lady earlier; it was her first ever club visit and she's not on fab. We were just considering whether we needed to do anything when she left the room, very abruptly.
Beard was getting at (I think) his concern over situations of passive consent. Keeping all parties safe from harm, physically and for potential repercussions if she decided that one of the guys had behaved inappropriately and essentially sexually assaulted her. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"I think it's understood .... Dark rooms - entering is the consent .....and that beds to be explained before entry ....
It's both tantalising and frightening ....
I think if it's going to the point of no return - then asking consent is totally warranted however the chances are, it's not going to happen in a dark room .... That's saying it as it is !
Don't go in
Or
take someone in with you to protect you at that crossing line moment
I disagree with entering the room being consent! Just because I happen to go into a dark room with a parter, doesn't mean I'm allowing anyone and everyone the right to touch my body.
It was a single F and 6/7 men. (I am afforementioned Redhead btw). It was a strange situation and having spoken to the lady earlier; it was her first ever club visit and she's not on fab. We were just considering whether we needed to do anything when she left the room, very abruptly.
Beard was getting at (I think) his concern over situations of passive consent. Keeping all parties safe from harm, physically and for potential repercussions if she decided that one of the guys had behaved inappropriately and essentially sexually assaulted her. "
Ooh not nice |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think there is no such thing as assumed consent and have no compunction in telling any uninvited party to remove their hands from me, when they do not ask or haven't been invited to touch first.
This doesn't happen very often but has happened in a dark room, as well as other areas of clubs I have been in, both as a single fem and with my partner present.
Never Ever Assume Consent.
Unless you want broken bits! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's understood .... Dark rooms - entering is the consent .....and that beds to be explained before entry ....
It's both tantalising and frightening ....
I think if it's going to the point of no return - then asking consent is totally warranted however the chances are, it's not going to happen in a dark room .... That's saying it as it is !
Don't go in
Or
take someone in with you to protect you at that crossing line moment
I disagree with entering the room being consent! Just because I happen to go into a dark room with a parter, doesn't mean I'm allowing anyone and everyone the right to touch my body.
It was a single F and 6/7 men. (I am afforementioned Redhead btw). It was a strange situation and having spoken to the lady earlier; it was her first ever club visit and she's not on fab. We were just considering whether we needed to do anything when she left the room, very abruptly.
Beard was getting at (I think) his concern over situations of passive consent. Keeping all parties safe from harm, physically and for potential repercussions if she decided that one of the guys had behaved inappropriately and essentially sexually assaulted her. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's understood .... Dark rooms - entering is the consent .....and that beds to be explained before entry ....
"
What silliness. No it isn't and there's no such concept. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I think there is no such thing as assumed consent and have no compunction in telling any uninvited party to remove their hands from me, when they do not ask or haven't been invited to touch first.
This doesn't happen very often but has happened in a dark room, as well as other areas of clubs I have been in, both as a single fem and with my partner present.
Never Ever Assume Consent.
Unless you want broken bits!"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had a man try and have bare back sex with me once which I thought was not aloud in clubs, I reported the guy and he got kicked out.
He later messaged me on here calling me nasty name saying everyone does it. I've not been back to a club since. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Well - the warning I have been given by a particular club that had a very popular and very very dark room was -
"don't go in unless you are FULLY aware and accepting that by doing so you are virtually giving consent for anything to happen. That is the purpose of the dark room".
Then I made an informed choice - I also took a partner in for support.
Perhaps different clubs have different rules.
I believe in total consent.
Entering the dark room for this particular club that I attended - was - the consent in the situation above as described.
Not silly - we enter a restaurant there is an expected behaviour - we enter a golf club there is an expected behaviour - entering a football match there is an expected behaviour, in the work place there is an expected behaviour, fetish clubs an expected behaviour, driving on the roads there is an expected behaviour.....
Perhaps it needs to be clear to those entering - both verbal and written at the opening/doorway - what is expected and acceptable behaviour for that particular club.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Well - the warning I have been given by a particular club that had a very popular and very very dark room was -
"don't go in unless you are FULLY aware and accepting that by doing so you are virtually giving consent for anything to happen. That is the purpose of the dark room".
Then I made an informed choice - I also took a partner in for support.
Perhaps different clubs have different rules.
I believe in total consent.
Entering the dark room for this particular club that I attended - was - the consent in the situation above as described.
Not silly - we enter a restaurant there is an expected behaviour - we enter a golf club there is an expected behaviour - entering a football match there is an expected behaviour, in the work place there is an expected behaviour, fetish clubs an expected behaviour, driving on the roads there is an expected behaviour.....
Perhaps it needs to be clear to those entering - both verbal and written at the opening/doorway - what is expected and acceptable behaviour for that particular club.
"
that's totally irresponsible of the venue..no means no..always. so whatever happens in there is ok..not only what goes on , but how it is conducted? ..thats stupid.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well - the warning I have been given by a particular club that had a very popular and very very dark room was -
"don't go in unless you are FULLY aware and accepting that by doing so you are virtually giving consent for anything to happen. That is the purpose of the dark room".
Then I made an informed choice - I also took a partner in for support.
Perhaps different clubs have different rules.
I believe in total consent.
Entering the dark room for this particular club that I attended - was - the consent in the situation above as described.
Not silly - we enter a restaurant there is an expected behaviour - we enter a golf club there is an expected behaviour - entering a football match there is an expected behaviour, in the work place there is an expected behaviour, fetish clubs an expected behaviour, driving on the roads there is an expected behaviour.....
Perhaps it needs to be clear to those entering - both verbal and written at the opening/doorway - what is expected and acceptable behaviour for that particular club.
"
Well that's a very bad club and it's still nonsense. The law of the land is higher than voulentary arrangements. In the same way that you cannot legally kill someone, even if they ask you to; you do not give up your rights to selectively offer consent by simply entering a room. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Well - the warning I have been given by a particular club that had a very popular and very very dark room was -
"don't go in unless you are FULLY aware and accepting that by doing so you are virtually giving consent for anything to happen. That is the purpose of the dark room".
Then I made an informed choice - I also took a partner in for support.
Perhaps different clubs have different rules.
I believe in total consent.
Entering the dark room for this particular club that I attended - was - the consent in the situation above as described.
Not silly - we enter a restaurant there is an expected behaviour - we enter a golf club there is an expected behaviour - entering a football match there is an expected behaviour, in the work place there is an expected behaviour, fetish clubs an expected behaviour, driving on the roads there is an expected behaviour.....
Perhaps it needs to be clear to those entering - both verbal and written at the opening/doorway - what is expected and acceptable behaviour for that particular club.
"
I understand what you're saying but to accept that 'anything goes' in a room is to give Carte Blanche to people entering there. I would be very concerned for anyone entering there. Consent should be sought any where any time, to have questionable rules opens the door to accusations of rape.
If a man was to behave in a way that he deemed acceptable because he assumed that consent was implicit but the lady didn't accept that concept then what would happen? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When l joined a particular club and was given a tour, when it came to the dark room it was made clear that the management cannot police what goes on in the dark room so enter at your peril. Personally l do not go in. I live by the adage that in this life you are your own safety officer.
There is an issue of newbie single women who are too timid to tell unwanted attention to f@ck off. I know of one situation of a woman who was overwhelmed by a situation. But only mentioned subsequently and to all intents was enjoying the scene. Some people have difficulty in saying thank you but no thank you. I am not sure how you control this.
The other issue is alcohol, in law intoxication negates consent. I look at women, single and in couples, d*unk and playing. In law that's rape and l avoid such situations like the plague. I do kink, l only play sober with people that are sober and have given full and informed consent. I have a detailed check list but not practical in a swinging club context.
I am still waiting for the perfect storm of the d*unk 20 year old woman who goes to a swinging club takes part in activity then in the morning goes to the police and rightly claims rape. It will be a wake up call. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When l joined a particular club and was given a tour, when it came to the dark room it was made clear that the management cannot police what goes on in the dark room so enter at your peril. Personally l do not go in. I live by the adage that in this life you are your own safety officer.
There is an issue of newbie single women who are too timid to tell unwanted attention to f@ck off. I know of one situation of a woman who was overwhelmed by a situation. But only mentioned subsequently and to all intents was enjoying the scene. Some people have difficulty in saying thank you but no thank you. I am not sure how you control this.
The other issue is alcohol, in law intoxication negates consent. I look at women, single and in couples, d*unk and playing. In law that's rape and l avoid such situations like the plague. I do kink, l only play sober with people that are sober and have given full and informed consent. I have a detailed check list but not practical in a swinging club context.
I am still waiting for the perfect storm of the d*unk 20 year old woman who goes to a swinging club takes part in activity then in the morning goes to the police and rightly claims rape. It will be a wake up call."
Exactly, whether or not the club 'police it' the law is the law in and outside every room of a swinging club. That's what the (real) police are for! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's understood .... Dark rooms - entering is the consent"
That's simply not true. There's lots of things I'm not prepared to do in a dark room, and there's lots of things I'm sure that you wouldn't be prepared to do. Everything should be consented to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
""don't go in unless you are FULLY aware and accepting that by doing so you are virtually giving consent for anything to happen. That is the purpose of the dark room".
Then I made an informed choice - I also took a partner in for support.
Perhaps different clubs have different rules.
I believe in total consent. "
So if I pissed all over you in a dark room, you'd be ok with that?
Or if a man penetrated you when he had HIV without telling you?
Or if I decided it was time to play with my love of hard face slapping with you?
Unprotected sex?
Facials?
Fisting?
Anal?
Male/male anal?
I'd suggest that there is no such thing as 'total consent' outside of a very particular (and hardcore) consensual non-consent style arrangement. Most people will not be giving consent for anything to happen in a dark room. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The only "bad" experience I've ever had in a club was in the dark room. Going alone I'd never go in there, and even in a group situation in the cinema etc I'm perfectly comfortable politely but firmly exercising my right to say no....and have always had it respected. But a guy in the dark room entered me from behind without a word being spoken, and without a condom on....luckily the friend I was with is a very experienced swinger, and despite being with another lady at the time had been watching out for my safety and enjoyment, and was straight over to get the guy off me. It shook me up, and made me question staying on the scene for a good while. One thing's for sure...I won't go back into a dark room unless I've got someone watching my back!xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The only "bad" experience I've ever had in a club was in the dark room. Going alone I'd never go in there, and even in a group situation in the cinema etc I'm perfectly comfortable politely but firmly exercising my right to say no....and have always had it respected. But a guy in the dark room entered me from behind without a word being spoken, and without a condom on....luckily the friend I was with is a very experienced swinger, and despite being with another lady at the time had been watching out for my safety and enjoyment, and was straight over to get the guy off me. It shook me up, and made me question staying on the scene for a good while. One thing's for sure...I won't go back into a dark room unless I've got someone watching my back!xx"
That's called rape to be honest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The only "bad" experience I've ever had in a club was in the dark room. Going alone I'd never go in there, and even in a group situation in the cinema etc I'm perfectly comfortable politely but firmly exercising my right to say no....and have always had it respected. But a guy in the dark room entered me from behind without a word being spoken, and without a condom on....luckily the friend I was with is a very experienced swinger, and despite being with another lady at the time had been watching out for my safety and enjoyment, and was straight over to get the guy off me. It shook me up, and made me question staying on the scene for a good while. One thing's for sure...I won't go back into a dark room unless I've got someone watching my back!xx
That's called rape to be honest. "
Thats exactly what it is |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The only "bad" experience I've ever had in a club was in the dark room. Going alone I'd never go in there, and even in a group situation in the cinema etc I'm perfectly comfortable politely but firmly exercising my right to say no....and have always had it respected. But a guy in the dark room entered me from behind without a word being spoken, and without a condom on....luckily the friend I was with is a very experienced swinger, and despite being with another lady at the time had been watching out for my safety and enjoyment, and was straight over to get the guy off me. It shook me up, and made me question staying on the scene for a good while. One thing's for sure...I won't go back into a dark room unless I've got someone watching my back!xx
That's called rape to be honest. "
This is exactly my point about consent and assault |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This threads kinda putting me off going to a club for some reason  "
Not meaning to be contrary but it shouldn't put you off, the key point in all of this is to ensure and seek that you get consent at all times |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This threads kinda putting me off going to a club for some reason
Not meaning to be contrary but it shouldn't put you off, the key point in all of this is to ensure and seek that you get consent at all times"
Talk of folk practically being raped is a very sickening thought |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
whatever the situation consent should never be taken for granted. there is a thin line for people who just assume they can join in but even when we are playing in a sub/dom situation no body touches her without permission and anyone who does is prevented from playing.
anyone who plays needs to have the strength to say no when they do not want attention, or have a partner/ bodyguard to keep an eye on proceedings to make sure things go properly.
i don't think as swingers we expose ourselves to the risk of crossing the line as long as ettiquete is followed and those who don't are stopped. we have had situations where everyone in the room is playing with ocd except one guy who just will not ask if he can join in despite being told he needs to ask first, his loss i think but i cannot understand why some people won't ask even after seeing everyone else ask and get a yes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This threads kinda putting me off going to a club for some reason
Not meaning to be contrary but it shouldn't put you off, the key point in all of this is to ensure and seek that you get consent at all times
Talk of folk practically being raped is a very sickening thought "
It happens in swingers club. Rape is a problem. But not for everyone of course, and I suspect it's still a relatively low number. But it does happen. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her? "
I don't think it's typical of the club scene in general so baby and bathwater springs to mind, we avoid nights with single guys though and we don't go in the dark room.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her?
I don't think it's typical of the club scene in general so baby and bathwater springs to mind, we avoid nights with single guys though and we don't go in the dark room.
"
By dark room I'm guessing that means what it says ? In the dark ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her?
I don't think it's typical of the club scene in general so baby and bathwater springs to mind, we avoid nights with single guys though and we don't go in the dark room.
By dark room I'm guessing that means what it says ? In the dark ? "
Yes. Some are pitch black. Others just very low level lighting |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her?
I don't think it's typical of the club scene in general so baby and bathwater springs to mind, we avoid nights with single guys though and we don't go in the dark room.
By dark room I'm guessing that means what it says ? In the dark ? "
Yes, it's a room with blacked out curtains and literally no light. That seems to make some people think that normal rules don't apply, unfortunately |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Some people are just arseholes. The amount of men that I've had grab my bum etc in the cinema at chams without being invited and I even had a female half of a couple start playing with me in the jacuzzi with out asking first however they soon get a sharp no thanks.
So if that's what you mean then I don't think we leave ourselves open I think it's down to other people not understanding the basic swinging rules.
Obviously Consent can be non verbal too "
It's not even swinging rules is it? To be fair it's common decency. You would think that most people would grab you or start playing with you in a pub, so why would they think it's ok I'm a club? Arseholes are arseholes, unfortunately.
B |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some people are just arseholes. The amount of men that I've had grab my bum etc in the cinema at chams without being invited and I even had a female half of a couple start playing with me in the jacuzzi with out asking first however they soon get a sharp no thanks.
So if that's what you mean then I don't think we leave ourselves open I think it's down to other people not understanding the basic swinging rules.
Obviously Consent can be non verbal too
It's not even swinging rules is it? To be fair it's common decency. You would think that most people would grab you or start playing with you in a pub, so why would they think it's ok I'm a club? Arseholes are arseholes, unfortunately.
B"
So if I go into a dark room in a swinging club , I won't have anyone touching me ? Or that people who want to touch ask me first in a dark room where I can't see them ?
I wouldn't go in if I didn't want strangers to touch me and asking first spoils the experience !
Or a gloryhole room , I won't have any cock to suck ?
How can it be likened to a pub ?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her? "
Sorry to bust your bubble about clubs but talking to single women vanilla and swinging there is always some git that tries to go bareback.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"its consent at every stage of contact, even contact at all. and for everyone's information, please don't disturb a fet couple in a scene, unless you ask, that sub you touch is in a vulnerable, sometimes altered state, which is being managed by a bond of trust...please dont assume you have that trust too x"
And just in case anybody should be in any doubt, if I am busy hitting N's arse with a cane, crop etc., wanking 18 inches from her face is not going to get you a BJ. Yes this happens.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes, some people do assume consent in many contexts.
Lots of men think a naked woman on a naturist beach is up for sex.
Lots of women assume that it's ok to touch a man in a swingers club without asking.
Lots of men assume that women who dress a certain way are "up for it"
Lots of women assume all men have consented to being flashed.
I can think of many more examples but you get my drift "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"its consent at every stage of contact, even contact at all. and for everyone's information, please don't disturb a fet couple in a scene, unless you ask, that sub you touch is in a vulnerable, sometimes altered state, which is being managed by a bond of trust...please dont assume you have that trust too x
And just in case anybody should be in any doubt, if I am busy hitting N's arse with a cane, crop etc., wanking 18 inches from her face is not going to get you a BJ. Yes this happens.
"
Any interruption including by women wanting to join in or enter a discussion does not have consent. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"its consent at every stage of contact, even contact at all. and for everyone's information, please don't disturb a fet couple in a scene, unless you ask, that sub you touch is in a vulnerable, sometimes altered state, which is being managed by a bond of trust...please dont assume you have that trust too x
And just in case anybody should be in any doubt, if I am busy hitting N's arse with a cane, crop etc., wanking 18 inches from her face is not going to get you a BJ. Yes this happens.
Any interruption including by women wanting to join in or enter a discussion does not have consent."
or yelling out your personal thoughts while entering a dungeon including the likes of
"what do you want to be doing that for, whatever floats your boat, i suppose"
"need a cuckoo , mate?"
"you should be doing that harder/ (anything else)"
or, "why don't you just give it to her"
aren't appreciated....  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her?
I don't think it's typical of the club scene in general so baby and bathwater springs to mind, we avoid nights with single guys though and we don't go in the dark room.
"
To be honest I don't think it's single guys that are the primary problem, the worst things that I've heard of and seen have been from the male partners of couples or single ladies
Beard |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her?
I don't think it's typical of the club scene in general so baby and bathwater springs to mind, we avoid nights with single guys though and we don't go in the dark room.
To be honest I don't think it's single guys that are the primary problem, the worst things that I've heard of and seen have been from the male partners of couples or single ladies
Beard"
couples and women, yep... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Some people are just arseholes. The amount of men that I've had grab my bum etc in the cinema at chams without being invited and I even had a female half of a couple start playing with me in the jacuzzi with out asking first however they soon get a sharp no thanks.
So if that's what you mean then I don't think we leave ourselves open I think it's down to other people not understanding the basic swinging rules.
Obviously Consent can be non verbal too
It's not even swinging rules is it? To be fair it's common decency. You would think that most people would grab you or start playing with you in a pub, so why would they think it's ok I'm a club? Arseholes are arseholes, unfortunately.
B
So if I go into a dark room in a swinging club , I won't have anyone touching me ? Or that people who want to touch ask me first in a dark room where I can't see them ?
I wouldn't go in if I didn't want strangers to touch me and asking first spoils the experience !
Or a gloryhole room , I won't have any cock to suck ?
How can it be likened to a pub ?
"
The comment I replied to mentioned nothing about a dark room or a glory hole. She just said people were grabbing her walking around the club. Why should the rules be any different for a swinging club with regards to decency? None of us would want randomly groping whether we are in a swinging club or in the middle of town.
That's the point I was making, apologies if it was lost in translation.
B |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This is why I avoid the club scene
Some people will take advantage because they think they can!
I remember a horrible incident that stopped me going if a lady on a swing being fucked by a group of guys she had selected when one decided to take his condom off! Luckily he was caught but what would have happened if no one was looking out for her?
I don't think it's typical of the club scene in general so baby and bathwater springs to mind, we avoid nights with single guys though and we don't go in the dark room.
To be honest I don't think it's single guys that are the primary problem, the worst things that I've heard of and seen have been from the male partners of couples or single ladies
Beard"
We were playing with each other in a dark room and the male of another couple in there asked if we wanted to join them. Miss politely said no thank you. A minute later he asked again saying are you sure? Lol. Yes still sure thanks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Never been in a dark room but I think that would be too weird - one thing I like is voyeurism and in there I'd just be "who's that?" "Is that a cock?" "Ooh saggy arse" etc as I tripped over 
Only consensual activity is ever acceptable whether swinging or vanilla |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"its consent at every stage of contact, even contact at all. and for everyone's information, please don't disturb a fet couple in a scene, unless you ask, that sub you touch is in a vulnerable, sometimes altered state, which is being managed by a bond of trust...please dont assume you have that trust too x
And just in case anybody should be in any doubt, if I am busy hitting N's arse with a cane, crop etc., wanking 18 inches from her face is not going to get you a BJ. Yes this happens.
Any interruption including by women wanting to join in or enter a discussion does not have consent.
or yelling out your personal thoughts while entering a dungeon including the likes of
"what do you want to be doing that for, whatever floats your boat, i suppose"
"need a cuckoo , mate?"
"you should be doing that harder/ (anything else)"
or, "why don't you just give it to her"
aren't appreciated.... "
Not appreciated but it seems to go with the territory. That is why l prefer to do my thing at a proper fetish event, but sometimes subby and dommy itches need scratching and needs must.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
