FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Advice please What's the Etiquette ? (Sorry it's long).
Advice please What's the Etiquette ? (Sorry it's long).
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As we are a little new to the whole swinging scene we was wondering what other guys do.
We had messaged a couple dozen of times including face pictures over the last month and arranged to meet the couple at a club last night.
Any how we met the couple and spent a couple of hours chatting, he was very nice and obviously quite keen and happy , she didn't seem so keen. So we bought them drinks, as they did not seem to know where the bar was (if you know what I mean) etc.
After a while H asked the other lady what she wanted to do, And she said she wasn't really interested in a four and wanted to go round looking for hot guys on her own leaving him playing with us.
Yet in our previous messages we had clearly stated we only play together. So H said no way and came to me and we left them to it.
Then later on when we was playing with a lovely lady, she came up asking H if he could join in, as she was in full sex mode didn't realise she ment him alone. He came over and I said no before he stuck his cock in her face.
We feel we lost a lot of time chatting with this couple where she had no intentions of swinging with us, which is fair enough. But we felt a bit annoyed that we were sort of took advantage of.
So the question is, in this situation at what point do you actually say, do you fancy us and would you both swing with us. So then you can free yourself to chat with others.
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In all honesty I don't think we would have done much different to you guys.
If people arn't completely open in messages about what they want then what can you do?
You gave it a chance and when she stated they wanted to play separate you said 'no'.
Maybe a misunderstanding when she asked if he could play when you were playing later, not much you can do about that expect maybe once you've made the call not to play with a couple you don't?
I honestly don't think we would have done much different to you guys. The way it goes when you're not clicking unfortunately.
Ps sorry we missed you. We did lol but couldn't workout who you were  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In all honesty I don't think we would have done much different to you guys.
If people arn't completely open in messages about what they want then what can you do?
You gave it a chance and when she stated they wanted to play separate you said 'no'.
Maybe a misunderstanding when she asked if he could play when you were playing later, not much you can do about that expect maybe once you've made the call not to play with a couple you don't?
I honestly don't think we would have done much different to you guys. The way it goes when you're not clicking unfortunately.
Ps sorry we missed you. We did lol but couldn't workout who you were "
Thanks, but do you guys actually ask the people once you meet up if they both like you or not?.
Sorry we missed you, we was being monopolised lol |
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"In all honesty I don't think we would have done much different to you guys.
If people arn't completely open in messages about what they want then what can you do?
You gave it a chance and when she stated they wanted to play separate you said 'no'.
Maybe a misunderstanding when she asked if he could play when you were playing later, not much you can do about that expect maybe once you've made the call not to play with a couple you don't?
I honestly don't think we would have done much different to you guys. The way it goes when you're not clicking unfortunately.
Ps sorry we missed you. We did lol but couldn't workout who you were
Thanks, but do you guys actually ask the people once you meet up if they both like you or not?.
Sorry we missed you, we was being monopolised lol"
We chat for a bit. If we both like them we keep chatting. If we don't then we maybe involve others and move on, when we know play is definitely not going to happen there for whatever reason.
If we decide to keep talking and socialising when we decide to go through to the play areas we ask if they would like to join us unless they have already asked us.
I think the key is when you know play is not going to happen then start thinking about moving on if you are looking for play.
Feeling like you missed something and spent the evening socialising in the wrong place does happen on occasion we've found. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"thanks for the advice, sent you a friend list so hopefully we can keep in touch for next time.
Excepted 
That's how we do it anyway lol. Hope it helps.
Xx"
That's not easy I have been there chatted to couples for ages and they have mooved on. Probably because I agent said would you be intrested in playing  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"thanks for the advice, sent you a friend list so hopefully we can keep in touch for next time.
Excepted
That's how we do it anyway lol. Hope it helps.
Xx
That's not easy I have been there chatted to couples for ages and they have mooved on. Probably because I agent said would you be intrested in playing "
It's tricky, in a normal dating situation you would be happy to take it slow, but when you are swinging you would think everyone would be straight to the point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In all honesty I don't think we would have done much different to you guys.
If people arn't completely open in messages about what they want then what can you do?
You gave it a chance and when she stated they wanted to play separate you said 'no'.
Maybe a misunderstanding when she asked if he could play when you were playing later, not much you can do about that expect maybe once you've made the call not to play with a couple you don't?
I honestly don't think we would have done much different to you guys. The way it goes when you're not clicking unfortunately.
Ps sorry we missed you. We did lol but couldn't workout who you were
Thanks, but do you guys actually ask the people once you meet up if they both like you or not?.
Sorry we missed you, we was being monopolised lol
We chat for a bit. If we both like them we keep chatting. If we don't then we maybe involve others and move on, when we know play is definitely not going to happen there for whatever reason.
If we decide to keep talking and socialising when we decide to go through to the play areas we ask if they would like to join us unless they have already asked us.
I think the key is when you know play is not going to happen then start thinking about moving on if you are looking for play.
Feeling like you missed something and spent the evening socialising in the wrong place does happen on occasion we've found. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't."
It's the nature of things - you don't know what both people want until you ask them, and even if you have had lengthy email exchanges beforehand the true position won't come out until you actually meet them
I do like your method of inviting people to join you as you progress to a playing environment. It's very subtle! |
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"In all honesty I don't think we would have done much different to you guys.
If people arn't completely open in messages about what they want then what can you do?
You gave it a chance and when she stated they wanted to play separate you said 'no'.
Maybe a misunderstanding when she asked if he could play when you were playing later, not much you can do about that expect maybe once you've made the call not to play with a couple you don't?
I honestly don't think we would have done much different to you guys. The way it goes when you're not clicking unfortunately.
Ps sorry we missed you. We did lol but couldn't workout who you were
Thanks, but do you guys actually ask the people once you meet up if they both like you or not?.
Sorry we missed you, we was being monopolised lol
We chat for a bit. If we both like them we keep chatting. If we don't then we maybe involve others and move on, when we know play is definitely not going to happen there for whatever reason.
If we decide to keep talking and socialising when we decide to go through to the play areas we ask if they would like to join us unless they have already asked us.
I think the key is when you know play is not going to happen then start thinking about moving on if you are looking for play.
Feeling like you missed something and spent the evening socialising in the wrong place does happen on occasion we've found. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
It's the nature of things - you don't know what both people want until you ask them, and even if you have had lengthy email exchanges beforehand the true position won't come out until you actually meet them
I do like your method of inviting people to join you as you progress to a playing environment. It's very subtle! "
Something we struggled with when we first started out, progressing into play. Doing it that way was used with us one day so we borrowed it and incorporated it into our play  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As we are a little new to the whole swinging scene we was wondering what other guys do.
We had messaged a couple dozen of times including face pictures over the last month and arranged to meet the couple at a club last night.
Any how we met the couple and spent a couple of hours chatting, he was very nice and obviously quite keen and happy , she didn't seem so keen. So we bought them drinks, as they did not seem to know where the bar was (if you know what I mean) etc.
After a while H asked the other lady what she wanted to do, And she said she wasn't really interested in a four and wanted to go round looking for hot guys on her own leaving him playing with us.
Yet in our previous messages we had clearly stated we only play together. So H said no way and came to me and we left them to it.
Then later on when we was playing with a lovely lady, she came up asking H if he could join in, as she was in full sex mode didn't realise she ment him alone. He came over and I said no before he stuck his cock in her face.
We feel we lost a lot of time chatting with this couple where she had no intentions of swinging with us, which is fair enough. But we felt a bit annoyed that we were sort of took advantage of.
So the question is, in this situation at what point do you actually say, do you fancy us and would you both swing with us. So then you can free yourself to chat with others.
"
surely you knew when she walked off that's the point you should have said bye it was pretty obvious to me        |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"As we are a little new to the whole swinging scene we was wondering what other guys do.
We had messaged a couple dozen of times including face pictures over the last month and arranged to meet the couple at a club last night.
Any how we met the couple and spent a couple of hours chatting, he was very nice and obviously quite keen and happy , she didn't seem so keen. So we bought them drinks, as they did not seem to know where the bar was (if you know what I mean) etc.
After a while H asked the other lady what she wanted to do, And she said she wasn't really interested in a four and wanted to go round looking for hot guys on her own leaving him playing with us.
Yet in our previous messages we had clearly stated we only play together. So H said no way and came to me and we left them to it.
Then later on when we was playing with a lovely lady, she came up asking H if he could join in, as she was in full sex mode didn't realise she ment him alone. He came over and I said no before he stuck his cock in her face.
We feel we lost a lot of time chatting with this couple where she had no intentions of swinging with us, which is fair enough. But we felt a bit annoyed that we were sort of took advantage of.
So the question is, in this situation at what point do you actually say, do you fancy us and would you both swing with us. So then you can free yourself to chat with others.
surely you knew when she walked off that's the point you should have said bye it was pretty obvious to me "
That's the point she didn't walk off until H asked her, up till then she was there with us, stood shy looking. we left them to it after she said that's what she wanted |
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"Thanks, will give that a go"
It's s minefield out there but we would say be as open about your wish list on your profile and once at the club, as we have often been asked... What are you looking for? The direct question may feel awkward the first time or two but it does save time, and if you decide to just chat there may be others chatting to them you like. The other way is to just say we're off to the hot tub if you want to join us..... Works if they're interested lol  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thanks, will give that a go
It's s minefield out there but we would say be as open about your wish list on your profile and once at the club, as we have often been asked... What are you looking for? The direct question may feel awkward the first time or two but it does save time, and if you decide to just chat there may be others chatting to them you like. The other way is to just say we're off to the hot tub if you want to join us..... Works if they're interested lol "
Thanks, it just threw us as all the text messages before left nothing to the imagination, but we think possibly the man was doing all the comunicating with us and either not telling the lady or just trying to sort it so he could be with us. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Thanks, will give that a go
It's s minefield out there but we would say be as open about your wish list on your profile and once at the club, as we have often been asked... What are you looking for? The direct question may feel awkward the first time or two but it does save time, and if you decide to just chat there may be others chatting to them you like. The other way is to just say we're off to the hot tub if you want to join us..... Works if they're interested lol "
That works or I am going for a wander fancy joining me also helps |
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Great question! We were wondering the same and what approach to use. We were there too on Saturday and unfortunately couldnt make out who all those were that was sending encouraging messages on here. We did chat to a lovely couple most of the night and did venture into the hot tub, but unfortunately it didn't lead to anything else. We should have just asked!
That said, we went to the play area, out of nowhere another couple joined us on the bed and went wild pretty quickly. Nothing was said, just soft play. It was our first experience of that and we both liked it a lot!
We will certainly take on board all the advise on this thread, but from out inexperience, we would guess that sometimes things will just happen without trying to hard.
Hopefully meet you guys at VA next time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Great question! We were wondering the same and what approach to use. We were there too on Saturday and unfortunately couldnt make out who all those were that was sending encouraging messages on here. We did chat to a lovely couple most of the night and did venture into the hot tub, but unfortunately it didn't lead to anything else. We should have just asked!
That said, we went to the play area, out of nowhere another couple joined us on the bed and went wild pretty quickly. Nothing was said, just soft play. It was our first experience of that and we both liked it a lot!
We will certainly take on board all the advise on this thread, but from out inexperience, we would guess that sometimes things will just happen without trying to hard.
Hopefully meet you guys at VA next time "
We spent a fair bit of time in the hot tub too and could well have been sitting opposite you without knowing. We did have some fun in the hot tub but then moved by ourselves to the beds and just played together. It was a lovely sexy atmosphere and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We're only 10 minutes from Ab Fabs and so usually head there but we will make the effort to head up the A1 from time to time! |
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"thanks for the advice, sent you a friend list so hopefully we can keep in touch for next time.
Excepted
That's how we do it anyway lol. Hope it helps.
Xx
That's not easy I have been there chatted to couples for ages and they have mooved on. Probably because I agent said would you be intrested in playing
It's tricky, in a normal dating situation you would be happy to take it slow, but when you are swinging you would think everyone would be straight to the point."
We are pretty new to this, so not had much experience to draw on other than how it feels to be a newbie  At the weekend I met a few couples I have been chatting to on line. After we had been there for a bit, I just asked if anyone had caught their eye or that they had taken a fancy to. That way it wasn't too direct, but they also had the opportunity to say 'yes you' or point out someone else they wanted to talk to.
I like the 'would you like to go through to the play area' as an approach too.
X |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"thanks for the advice, sent you a friend list so hopefully we can keep in touch for next time.
Excepted
That's how we do it anyway lol. Hope it helps.
Xx
That's not easy I have been there chatted to couples for ages and they have mooved on. Probably because I agent said would you be intrested in playing
It's tricky, in a normal dating situation you would be happy to take it slow, but when you are swinging you would think everyone would be straight to the point.
We are pretty new to this, so not had much experience to draw on other than how it feels to be a newbie At the weekend I met a few couples I have been chatting to on line. After we had been there for a bit, I just asked if anyone had caught their eye or that they had taken a fancy to. That way it wasn't too direct, but they also had the opportunity to say 'yes you' or point out someone else they wanted to talk to.
I like the 'would you like to go through to the play area' as an approach too.
X"
I am going to try the has anyone taking your fancy |
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"As we are a little new to the whole swinging scene we was wondering what other guys do.
We had messaged a couple dozen of times including face pictures over the last month and arranged to meet the couple at a club last night.
Any how we met the couple and spent a couple of hours chatting, he was very nice and obviously quite keen and happy , she didn't seem so keen. So we bought them drinks, as they did not seem to know where the bar was (if you know what I mean) etc.
After a while H asked the other lady what she wanted to do, And she said she wasn't really interested in a four and wanted to go round looking for hot guys on her own leaving him playing with us.
Yet in our previous messages we had clearly stated we only play together. So H said no way and came to me and we left them to it.
Then later on when we was playing with a lovely lady, she came up asking H if he could join in, as she was in full sex mode didn't realise she ment him alone. He came over and I said no before he stuck his cock in her face.
We feel we lost a lot of time chatting with this couple where she had no intentions of swinging with us, which is fair enough. But we felt a bit annoyed that we were sort of took advantage of.
So the question is, in this situation at what point do you actually say, do you fancy us and would you both swing with us. So then you can free yourself to chat with others.
"
Hi OP, I am a little confused and maybe the couple are too. You said you only play together, but your description implies that the male of the couple wants to play with you two, as a couple. You don't state that you only play with couples, together, both of them. Do you think that is where they may have been confused? If you were both playing together, with him, surely that is playing together? I may have missed the point. We are a couple who go out together, but we do play alone as we don't have the same taste in men and we also realise that anyone we meet may not want to play with both of us .... |
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"Great question! We were wondering the same and what approach to use. We were there too on Saturday and unfortunately couldnt make out who all those were that was sending encouraging messages on here. We did chat to a lovely couple most of the night and did venture into the hot tub, but unfortunately it didn't lead to anything else. We should have just asked!
That said, we went to the play area, out of nowhere another couple joined us on the bed and went wild pretty quickly. Nothing was said, just soft play. It was our first experience of that and we both liked it a lot!
We will certainly take on board all the advise on this thread, but from out inexperience, we would guess that sometimes things will just happen without trying to hard.
Hopefully meet you guys at VA next time
We spent a fair bit of time in the hot tub too and could well have been sitting opposite you without knowing. We did have some fun in the hot tub but then moved by ourselves to the beds and just played together. It was a lovely sexy atmosphere and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We're only 10 minutes from Ab Fabs and so usually head there but we will make the effort to head up the A1 from time to time! "
We were in the hot tub too! Almost need name badges lol tho have found bar staff will often help. In the past have intro ourselves and told ppl to ask for us......worked a treat! V a staff always helpful . Other technique has been describe the ladies outfit! Not easy this sat with all the red dresses but normally works lol
And happy to meet you fellow hot tubbers at va soon lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"As we are a little new to the whole swinging scene we was wondering what other guys do.
We had messaged a couple dozen of times including face pictures over the last month and arranged to meet the couple at a club last night.
Any how we met the couple and spent a couple of hours chatting, he was very nice and obviously quite keen and happy , she didn't seem so keen. So we bought them drinks, as they did not seem to know where the bar was (if you know what I mean) etc.
After a while H asked the other lady what she wanted to do, And she said she wasn't really interested in a four and wanted to go round looking for hot guys on her own leaving him playing with us.
Yet in our previous messages we had clearly stated we only play together. So H said no way and came to me and we left them to it.
Then later on when we was playing with a lovely lady, she came up asking H if he could join in, as she was in full sex mode didn't realise she ment him alone. He came over and I said no before he stuck his cock in her face.
We feel we lost a lot of time chatting with this couple where she had no intentions of swinging with us, which is fair enough. But we felt a bit annoyed that we were sort of took advantage of.
So the question is, in this situation at what point do you actually say, do you fancy us and would you both swing with us. So then you can free yourself to chat with others.
Hi OP, I am a little confused and maybe the couple are too. You said you only play together, but your description implies that the male of the couple wants to play with you two, as a couple. You don't state that you only play with couples, together, both of them. Do you think that is where they may have been confused? If you were both playing together, with him, surely that is playing together? I may have missed the point. We are a couple who go out together, but we do play alone as we don't have the same taste in men and we also realise that anyone we meet may not want to play with both of us ...."
It shouldn't have confused them as their profile still states " we only swing together"
So if it was misunderstood it is their doing.
From what I gathered on the night she used to do her own thing but they recently changed to we swing together.
We think the top line was once she got to see us in the flesh she thought she could do better, which is fair enough as we all have different tastes. But I'm not asking about that, we are asking at what point do you say " are you interested in us or not". |
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By *lovisMan
over a year ago
Twickenham |
"thanks for the advice, sent you a friend list so hopefully we can keep in touch for next time.
Excepted
That's how we do it anyway lol. Hope it helps.
Xx
That's not easy I have been there chatted to couples for ages and they have mooved on. Probably because I agent said would you be intrested in playing
It's tricky, in a normal dating situation you would be happy to take it slow, but when you are swinging you would think everyone would be straight to the point.
We are pretty new to this, so not had much experience to draw on other than how it feels to be a newbie At the weekend I met a few couples I have been chatting to on line. After we had been there for a bit, I just asked if anyone had caught their eye or that they had taken a fancy to. That way it wasn't too direct, but they also had the opportunity to say 'yes you' or point out someone else they wanted to talk to.
I like the 'would you like to go through to the play area' as an approach too.
X
I am going to try the has anyone taking your fancy "
Crushing though when they point to another guy on the other side of the room.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Great question! We were wondering the same and what approach to use. We were there too on Saturday and unfortunately couldnt make out who all those were that was sending encouraging messages on here. We did chat to a lovely couple most of the night and did venture into the hot tub, but unfortunately it didn't lead to anything else. We should have just asked!
That said, we went to the play area, out of nowhere another couple joined us on the bed and went wild pretty quickly. Nothing was said, just soft play. It was our first experience of that and we both liked it a lot!
We will certainly take on board all the advise on this thread, but from out inexperience, we would guess that sometimes things will just happen without trying to hard.
Hopefully meet you guys at VA next time
We spent a fair bit of time in the hot tub too and could well have been sitting opposite you without knowing. We did have some fun in the hot tub but then moved by ourselves to the beds and just played together. It was a lovely sexy atmosphere and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We're only 10 minutes from Ab Fabs and so usually head there but we will make the effort to head up the A1 from time to time!
We were in the hot tub too! Almost need name badges lol tho have found bar staff will often help. In the past have intro ourselves and told ppl to ask for us......worked a treat! V a staff always helpful . Other technique has been describe the ladies outfit! Not easy this sat with all the red dresses but normally works lol
And happy to meet you fellow hot tubbers at va soon lol "
Which bit of the hot tub?
We were sitting with our backs to the side with the wall down near the end of it...... |
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"Great question! We were wondering the same and what approach to use. We were there too on Saturday and unfortunately couldnt make out who all those were that was sending encouraging messages on here. We did chat to a lovely couple most of the night and did venture into the hot tub, but unfortunately it didn't lead to anything else. We should have just asked!
That said, we went to the play area, out of nowhere another couple joined us on the bed and went wild pretty quickly. Nothing was said, just soft play. It was our first experience of that and we both liked it a lot!
We will certainly take on board all the advise on this thread, but from out inexperience, we would guess that sometimes things will just happen without trying to hard.
Hopefully meet you guys at VA next time
We spent a fair bit of time in the hot tub too and could well have been sitting opposite you without knowing. We did have some fun in the hot tub but then moved by ourselves to the beds and just played together. It was a lovely sexy atmosphere and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We're only 10 minutes from Ab Fabs and so usually head there but we will make the effort to head up the A1 from time to time!
We were in the hot tub too! Almost need name badges lol tho have found bar staff will often help. In the past have intro ourselves and told ppl to ask for us......worked a treat! V a staff always helpful . Other technique has been describe the ladies outfit! Not easy this sat with all the red dresses but normally works lol
And happy to meet you fellow hot tubbers at va soon lol
Which bit of the hot tub?
We were sitting with our backs to the side with the wall down near the end of it...... "
Well first time sat on the long side in the middle looking across to the big bed, second dip was to left of steps in the Jets ! Lol |
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If you've been messaging beforehand they should have a rough idea if they do and in person should both know fairly quickly. An early question could be 'do you both fancy playing with us a bit later'. It's being direct, takes into account how you want to play (together and with both of them) but not pressured that it's right now. It will give you an indication without wasting half the night chatting if they're up for it or not. If they say yes or maybe then carry on. If one seems a bit unsure or a no move on. Sounds mercenary but you're there to play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks, will give that a go
It's s minefield out there but we would say be as open about your wish list on your profile and once at the club, as we have often been asked... What are you looking for? The direct question may feel awkward the first time or two but it does save time, and if you decide to just chat there may be others chatting to them you like. The other way is to just say we're off to the hot tub if you want to join us..... Works if they're interested lol
Thanks, it just threw us as all the text messages before left nothing to the imagination, but we think possibly the man was doing all the comunicating with us and either not telling the lady or just trying to sort it so he could be with us."
Maybe in person she just didn't find you attractive? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks, will give that a go
It's s minefield out there but we would say be as open about your wish list on your profile and once at the club, as we have often been asked... What are you looking for? The direct question may feel awkward the first time or two but it does save time, and if you decide to just chat there may be others chatting to them you like. The other way is to just say we're off to the hot tub if you want to join us..... Works if they're interested lol
Thanks, it just threw us as all the text messages before left nothing to the imagination, but we think possibly the man was doing all the comunicating with us and either not telling the lady or just trying to sort it so he could be with us.
Maybe in person she just didn't find you attractive?"
With out a doubt Wasp, but surely she should have said so early on ? |
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"Thanks, will give that a go
It's s minefield out there but we would say be as open about your wish list on your profile and once at the club, as we have often been asked... What are you looking for? The direct question may feel awkward the first time or two but it does save time, and if you decide to just chat there may be others chatting to them you like. The other way is to just say we're off to the hot tub if you want to join us..... Works if they're interested lol
Thanks, it just threw us as all the text messages before left nothing to the imagination, but we think possibly the man was doing all the comunicating with us and either not telling the lady or just trying to sort it so he could be with us.
Maybe in person she just didn't find you attractive?
With out a doubt Wasp, but surely she should have said so early on ?"
Indeed!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure what others think, but would it be am idea to have secret signals when your in the presence me others? E.g you play with your earring to indicate your not happy etc.? |
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