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Ethics at swingers clubs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Right, here it goes - I'd like to go to a club but have no idea how it works. Any advice on what to wear? Also, what if the people there are not my type? How do I turn them down without them thinking I'm a bitch  ? And what if I do like someone? What's the "procedure " ? Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If somebody talks to you and they aren't your type, just chat for a while then say...anyway I'm going for a wonder nice chatting catch you later, do it before they get chance to ask you to a room though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of this will depend on which club you go to. Some are dress down so require you in towels or sexy lingerie, others aren't and you can wear anything you'd wear on a night out.
The principal rule in all clubs is that everyone can say no thank you. Just do it politely.
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"If somebody talks to you and they aren't your type, just chat for a while then say...anyway I'm going for a wonder nice chatting catch you later, do it before they get chance to ask you to a room though "
Great advice. About what to wear. It depends on the club. Some are dress down on entry (women wear sexy lingerie etc.) some dress down later in the evening or just in play areas. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So if it's dress down, blokes are in towels or boxers. Otherwise they tend to be smart casual in some places or suited up in the smarter ones"
I like the idea of men all dressed up smart more fun to undress them x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've got a lot of choice in the north west, have a look in the clubs section and see which place takes your fancy. You'll be looked after wherever you go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most important thing to wear I think is a smile. So long as both girls and boys dress in a way that attracts not puts off above all be yourself. As far as I can see the only thing that causes a split is lingerie Vs nude. If you want to look sexy but don't want to have a dip in a hot tub lingerie but if you like the tub nude....
OP as for etiquette:
Go with an open mind. Ask questions but don't come over demanding of answers. OBSERVE. and although you still need to understand the way things work just remember this ISN'T like a normal social gathering, here you are OK to fancy another man's wife. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You've got a lot of choice in the north west, have a look in the clubs section and see which place takes your fancy. You'll be looked after wherever you go"
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Most important thing to wear I think is a smile. So long as both girls and boys dress in a way that attracts not puts off above all be yourself. As far as I can see the only thing that causes a split is lingerie Vs nude. If you want to look sexy but don't want to have a dip in a hot tub lingerie but if you like the tub nude....
OP as for etiquette:
Go with an open mind. Ask questions but don't come over demanding of answers. OBSERVE. and although you still need to understand the way things work just remember this ISN'T like a normal social gathering, here you are OK to fancy another man's wife."
Thanks, that helps a lot x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They're usually lockable from the inside and have no viewing windows so people cant see in. Or have been in my experience
Great, thanks x"
Depends on the club. Some have rooms with locks, some just open spaces. Look through the web-site for the club. |
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They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They're usually lockable from the inside and have no viewing windows so people cant see in. Or have been in my experience
Great, thanks x
Depends on the club. Some have rooms with locks, some just open spaces. Look through the web-site for the club."
"Open spaces?!"  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be! "
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be! "
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask? |
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"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be!
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask? "
Not that I know of, but some do sometimes hold a masquerade night, rare but it does happen. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be!
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask?
Not that I know of, but some do sometimes hold a masquerade night, rare but it does happen."
I'd love that! Definitely will have to check out when and where x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be!
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask? "
Anonymity is paramount at a club. No-one will try to identify you OR say anything if they know you, and of coarse phones and cameras are BANNED. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be!
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask?
Anonymity is paramount at a club. No-one will try to identify you OR say anything if they know you, and of coarse phones and cameras are BANNED."
That's good to know, I really hope I don't come across someone I know!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be!
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask?
Anonymity is paramount at a club. No-one will try to identify you OR say anything if they know you, and of coarse phones and cameras are BANNED.
That's good to know, I really hope I don't come across someone I know! "
The first time I went I thought through that possibility. I decided I'd do this:- Walk up, say Hi I'm ***. It appears you know someone just like me which is interesting as I know someone just like you. But of course if they were us they'd say nothing about it would they. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be!
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask?
Anonymity is paramount at a club. No-one will try to identify you OR say anything if they know you, and of coarse phones and cameras are BANNED.
That's good to know, I really hope I don't come across someone I know!
The first time I went I thought through that possibility. I decided I'd do this:- Walk up, say Hi I'm ***. It appears you know someone just like me which is interesting as I know someone just like you. But of course if they were us they'd say nothing about it would they."
Yeah but still... I'd prefer to be surrounded by strangers it would be awkward if I see a close friend there ( or even worse - a relative!  ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be!
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask?
Anonymity is paramount at a club. No-one will try to identify you OR say anything if they know you, and of coarse phones and cameras are BANNED.
That's good to know, I really hope I don't come across someone I know!
The first time I went I thought through that possibility. I decided I'd do this:- Walk up, say Hi I'm ***. It appears you know someone just like me which is interesting as I know someone just like you. But of course if they were us they'd say nothing about it would they.
Yeah but still... I'd prefer to be surrounded by strangers it would be awkward if I see a close friend there ( or even worse - a relative! ) "
That's why some travel a long distance to a club. Before I started I chatted to a woman in Canada. She and her man travelled to USA to swing, never in Canada... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"They're all different but I've always found them very friendly and safe for women. Some have a cinema room, rooms where you can watch people playing, private rooms, maybe a dungeon. Just be friendly, chat to people you like the look of, we've all been in that situation when it's our first time and know how nerve wracking it can be!
Yeah, I'd prefer it if my face stays hidden (not that I'm that shockingly ugly but I like my privacy) is there clubs where you can wear a sexy kind of mask?
Anonymity is paramount at a club. No-one will try to identify you OR say anything if they know you, and of coarse phones and cameras are BANNED.
That's good to know, I really hope I don't come across someone I know!
The first time I went I thought through that possibility. I decided I'd do this:- Walk up, say Hi I'm ***. It appears you know someone just like me which is interesting as I know someone just like you. But of course if they were us they'd say nothing about it would they.
Yeah but still... I'd prefer to be surrounded by strangers it would be awkward if I see a close friend there ( or even worse - a relative! )
That's why some travel a long distance to a club. Before I started I chatted to a woman in Canada. She and her man travelled to USA to swing, never in Canada..."
And here's me hoping 20 miles away would be safe... x |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
Everyone is there for the same reason so there is no need to walk around with a paper bag over your head. On your first visit, the staff will usually give you a walk around and show you what happens where etc. Ask any questions, you there is no need to be embarrassed, they have heard them all a million times before. Before we went, we wondered what people wore in the hot tub! (everyone is naked )
When you have decided a club and a date, post a thread stating that you are going and ask if anyone else is going on the same night. That way there will be some friendly spaces when you walk in, or someone to have that first chat with  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Everyone is there for the same reason so there is no need to walk around with a paper bag over your head. On your first visit, the staff will usually give you a walk around and show you what happens where etc. Ask any questions, you there is no need to be embarrassed, they have heard them all a million times before. Before we went, we wondered what people wore in the hot tub! (everyone is naked )
That's a good a idea!
So I get my own show round? That's good to know
I can't wait to go! Have to do some research on the clubs in the area. X
When you have decided a club and a date, post a thread stating that you are going and ask if anyone else is going on the same night. That way there will be some friendly spaces when you walk in, or someone to have that first chat with "
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"They're usually lockable from the inside and have no viewing windows so people cant see in. Or have been in my experience
Great, thanks x
Depends on the club. Some have rooms with locks, some just open spaces. Look through the web-site for the club.
"Open spaces?!" "
Open spaces vary club to club, and even room to room. Some might look like just a regular double bed (minus pillows and duvets) or a couple of double beds pushed together, others might be larger, padded platforms for people to comfortably play on in larger numbers. Most clubs will have pictures on their websites and so you should be able to see what they look like.
These open play spaces are because many swingers enjoy watching, and/or being watched, but this does not mean its a free for all. If you see something you like, you can ask if you can join in, but obviously they might say no. As said above, always ask before touching, and make sure you dont allow people to touch without asking.
People might come and watch, but if you dont feel comfortable with how close they are, feel free to ask them for a little more space. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"They're usually lockable from the inside and have no viewing windows so people cant see in. Or have been in my experience
Great, thanks x
Depends on the club. Some have rooms with locks, some just open spaces. Look through the web-site for the club.
"Open spaces?!"
Open spaces vary club to club, and even room to room. Some might look like just a regular double bed (minus pillows and duvets) or a couple of double beds pushed together, others might be larger, padded platforms for people to comfortably play on in larger numbers. Most clubs will have pictures on their websites and so you should be able to see what they look like.
These open play spaces are because many swingers enjoy watching, and/or being watched, but this does not mean its a free for all. If you see something you like, you can ask if you can join in, but obviously they might say no. As said above, always ask before touching, and make sure you dont allow people to touch without asking.
People might come and watch, but if you dont feel comfortable with how close they are, feel free to ask them for a little more space. "
Do you feel pressured in any way? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They're usually lockable from the inside and have no viewing windows so people cant see in. Or have been in my experience
Great, thanks x
Depends on the club. Some have rooms with locks, some just open spaces. Look through the web-site for the club.
"Open spaces?!"
Open spaces vary club to club, and even room to room. Some might look like just a regular double bed (minus pillows and duvets) or a couple of double beds pushed together, others might be larger, padded platforms for people to comfortably play on in larger numbers. Most clubs will have pictures on their websites and so you should be able to see what they look like.
These open play spaces are because many swingers enjoy watching, and/or being watched, but this does not mean its a free for all. If you see something you like, you can ask if you can join in, but obviously they might say no. As said above, always ask before touching, and make sure you dont allow people to touch without asking.
People might come and watch, but if you dont feel comfortable with how close they are, feel free to ask them for a little more space.
Do you feel pressured in any way? X"
If anyone IS pressurising you they have no place at a club. 1st rule of a club is 'No means no'. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"They're usually lockable from the inside and have no viewing windows so people cant see in. Or have been in my experience
Great, thanks x
Depends on the club. Some have rooms with locks, some just open spaces. Look through the web-site for the club.
"Open spaces?!"
Open spaces vary club to club, and even room to room. Some might look like just a regular double bed (minus pillows and duvets) or a couple of double beds pushed together, others might be larger, padded platforms for people to comfortably play on in larger numbers. Most clubs will have pictures on their websites and so you should be able to see what they look like.
These open play spaces are because many swingers enjoy watching, and/or being watched, but this does not mean its a free for all. If you see something you like, you can ask if you can join in, but obviously they might say no. As said above, always ask before touching, and make sure you dont allow people to touch without asking.
People might come and watch, but if you dont feel comfortable with how close they are, feel free to ask them for a little more space.
Do you feel pressured in any way? X
If anyone IS pressurising you they have no place at a club. 1st rule of a club is 'No means no'."
Great, thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You've got a lot of choice in the north west, have a look in the clubs section and see which place takes your fancy. You'll be looked after wherever you go"
What do you mean 'looked after'? |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"
Do you feel pressured in any way? X"
No you should never feel any pressure at any stage in a swingers club. You are the one in control. If you don't like something, or are not comfortable with what is happening, just say so. If it still continues, then there are plenty of other people and staff that would be happy to help a damsel in distress. But there is no reason to think that it should ever get to that stage. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Do you feel pressured in any way? X
No you should never feel any pressure at any stage in a swingers club. You are the one in control. If you don't like something, or are not comfortable with what is happening, just say so. If it still continues, then there are plenty of other people and staff that would be happy to help a damsel in distress. But there is no reason to think that it should ever get to that stage. "
I hope so x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Do you feel pressured in any way? X
No you should never feel any pressure at any stage in a swingers club. You are the one in control. If you don't like something, or are not comfortable with what is happening, just say so. If it still continues, then there are plenty of other people and staff that would be happy to help a damsel in distress. But there is no reason to think that it should ever get to that stage.
I hope so x"
KNOW so. Only once seen a guy get demanding. Not only was he stopped in his tracks he was escorted OFF the premises. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Do you feel pressured in any way? X
No you should never feel any pressure at any stage in a swingers club. You are the one in control. If you don't like something, or are not comfortable with what is happening, just say so. If it still continues, then there are plenty of other people and staff that would be happy to help a damsel in distress. But there is no reason to think that it should ever get to that stage.
I hope so x
KNOW so. Only once seen a guy get demanding. Not only was he stopped in his tracks he was escorted OFF the premises. "
That's good x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thank you all for the great advice, I'm new to this, really want to go to a club, but very nervous, you've really put my mind at rest, happy swinging!??x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You've got a lot of choice in the north west, have a look in the clubs section and see which place takes your fancy. You'll be looked after wherever you go
What do you mean 'looked after'?"
The staff will be helpful, show you around etc |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thank you all for the great advice, I'm new to this, really want to go to a club, but very nervous, you've really put my mind at rest, happy swinging!??x"
Me too, you've all been very helpful
Thank you xx |
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I think there is lots of advice already given - just to add my tuppence worth -
As said what to wear - depends on club - dress up/down - if its dress up - you can wear your sexiest outfit which you would for a general club - many clubs say smart casual but in my experience this varies hugely for blokes depending on the club. If its dress down you will finally be able to wear your latest lingerie purchase!
Chances are most of the people there won’t be your type ! Just as with any pub/club - if a guy is chatting to you and you don’t want to take it further the phrase 'right i am off for a wander' should enable you to extricate yourself from the conversation. If he has already asked if your 'playing' (code for fancy a shag ?) and you don’t fancy him then just say' just getting the feel of the place for the moment thanks' should save you having to say - with you i'd rather die' !! If actually he is a possibility - then a 'maybe later' should keep him interested. Although it’s against our upbringing if you fancy someone who hasn't come over to you to chat then make the first move - firstly probably with a smile with eye contact then if he is as unobservant as me go up to him and ask if he is playing (you wont need the niceties probably – he is a bloke !!)
I would however suggest that if possible try to get a couple or lady you have played with before go with you – does make it easier for a first time. Just think what courage it takes for most people to go into a pub on their own and chat to someone – then increase the anxiety for a club !! Also maybe try a midweek evening – generally less busy which may help. Peruse the club lists for possibilities and maybe even ask specifically about some of the clubs. (feel free to PM Me but I don’t have much experience of northern clubs !)
One other major thing to point out is don’t get d*unk to provide you with the courage to go – pissed swingers are seldom horny and you may regret it the next morning. Just go and expect to do nothing on your first visit – maybe only go for a short time (it is for you generally fee ish ) – guys should always expect to rubber up before play – if there not willing to do so then a fuck off is appropriate !
Otherwise just have fun
Feel free to ask by PM for more info !
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think there is lots of advice already given - just to add my tuppence worth -
As said what to wear - depends on club - dress up/down - if its dress up - you can wear your sexiest outfit which you would for a general club - many clubs say smart casual but in my experience this varies hugely for blokes depending on the club. If its dress down you will finally be able to wear your latest lingerie purchase!
Chances are most of the people there won’t be your type ! Just as with any pub/club - if a guy is chatting to you and you don’t want to take it further the phrase 'right i am off for a wander' should enable you to extricate yourself from the conversation. If he has already asked if your 'playing' (code for fancy a shag ?) and you don’t fancy him then just say' just getting the feel of the place for the moment thanks' should save you having to say - with you i'd rather die' !! If actually he is a possibility - then a 'maybe later' should keep him interested. Although it’s against our upbringing if you fancy someone who hasn't come over to you to chat then make the first move - firstly probably with a smile with eye contact then if he is as unobservant as me go up to him and ask if he is playing (you wont need the niceties probably – he is a bloke !!)
I would however suggest that if possible try to get a couple or lady you have played with before go with you – does make it easier for a first time. Just think what courage it takes for most people to go into a pub on their own and chat to someone – then increase the anxiety for a club !! Also maybe try a midweek evening – generally less busy which may help. Peruse the club lists for possibilities and maybe even ask specifically about some of the clubs. (feel free to PM Me but I don’t have much experience of northern clubs !)
One other major thing to point out is don’t get d*unk to provide you with the courage to go – pissed swingers are seldom horny and you may regret it the next morning. Just go and expect to do nothing on your first visit – maybe only go for a short time (it is for you generally fee ish ) – guys should always expect to rubber up before play – if there not willing to do so then a fuck off is appropriate !
Otherwise just have fun
Feel free to ask by PM for more info !
"
Thank you so much this helps a lot. If I do go it will be with my husband so at least won't be on my own but he need some more persuading
But this had been very helpful xx |
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"Right, here it goes - I'd like to go to a club but have no idea how it works. Any advice on what to wear? Also, what if the people there are not my type? How do I turn them down without them thinking I'm a bitch ? And what if I do like someone? What's the "procedure " ? Xxx"
You're gorgeous. So naturally alot of men are gonna want you. If someone approaches u and isn't your type. Just say sorry your not interested. Theyv heard it before. So won't get offended. If u fancy a man go and smile at him or go say hi and take it from there. Not much different to a nightclub really |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Right, here it goes - I'd like to go to a club but have no idea how it works. Any advice on what to wear? Also, what if the people there are not my type? How do I turn them down without them thinking I'm a bitch ? And what if I do like someone? What's the "procedure " ? Xxx
You're gorgeous. So naturally alot of men are gonna want you. If someone approaches u and isn't your type. Just say sorry your not interested. Theyv heard it before. So won't get offended. If u fancy a man go and smile at him or go say hi and take it from there. Not much different to a nightclub really "
Thanks just a bit nerve wrecking x |
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"......
Thank you so much this helps a lot. If I do go it will be with my husband so at least won't be on my own but he need some more persuading
But this had been very helpful xx"
Ahh that makes all the difference. Scrap much of the above... lol
Do remember that you will get all the attention and he may not - perhaps also try a couples night ! less likely to be followed around so much ! and if you are follwed just hum the Benny Hill theme tune to yourself - it will bring a giggle. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
On a different note to the two gentlemen above, there is also the possibility that no one will come up and talk to you. Many people who attend clubs are actually shy and dont want to make the first move. We definitely fall into this category and so now only go to clubs when we have arranged to meet someone there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"......
Thank you so much this helps a lot. If I do go it will be with my husband so at least won't be on my own but he need some more persuading
But this had been very helpful xx
Ahh that makes all the difference. Scrap much of the above... lol
Do remember that you will get all the attention and he may not - perhaps also try a couples night ! less likely to be followed around so much ! and if you are follwed just hum the Benny Hill theme tune to yourself - it will bring a giggle. "
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On my first visit was as nervous as hell too. Also had the worry about friends being there so went to Manchester. As a tip go without any plans to play but just be social. Maybe a club night where single guys are excluded should make it less frantic |
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