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Club behaviour
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After visiting a good few clubs and organised parties, we have noticed that a lot of them are similar to normal clubs and very vanilla, in our opinion.
Mr feels that many of the men who part of a couple appear to be very 'straight-laced' and stiff (not in that sense, silly)standing around and chatting and not having a laugh or having fun ... just like a non-swinging party. He finds himself wondering if these people ever let their hair down?
We are left wondering if this is mainly how London clubs seem to be, or is it the norm? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes a lot of people just go for social and don't play which I think is is a waste might as well meet down local pub to socialise clubs are there to play "
Bit hard to meet other swingers down the pub though.
I should imagine plenty of people like swinging but don't enjoy exhibitionism - one doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with the other. |
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Hi OP
i think is becomming the Norm in the Greater London area. it was also like that at Tease2 recently and in Gloucester last year till I and the FB kicked the party off. But its def getting worse I dont know if its the 40 shades of S^&* effect ie Women making there male partners go to these places "to see what its really like" or not. Then using lots of dutch courage to try and make it happen - but def too many pissed peps at clubs for my liking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes a lot of people just go for social and don't play which I think is is a waste might as well meet down local pub to socialise clubs are there to play
Bit hard to meet other swingers down the pub though.
I should imagine plenty of people like swinging but don't enjoy exhibitionism - one doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with the other."
Likewise you don't have to be an extrovert?
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Don't get me wrong, as we don't always play, depends who is there and mainly how exhausted we are from the working week, but there are some snooty burgers there, and some peeps who are totally off their heads .... where is the middle ground and the fun? Mr had been a club go-er before me, but I am fairly new to this lark. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes a lot of people just go for social and don't play which I think is is a waste might as well meet down local pub to socialise clubs are there to play "
Why... It's not just about the sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we go clubbing we focus on the people that interest us. And if a club repeatedly attracted people we weren't interested in we'd stop going there. Unless there behaviour is antisocial what's the issue? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Snooty burgers .... I meant buggers, sorry. I am neither an exhibitionist nor am I am extrovert .... not even sociable, leave that to Mr .... "
Is it not a bit hypocritical to start a thread bemoaning other people for veing stiff and uptight then admit to being antisocial? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I go to clubs to socialise and get to know people that i wouldnt see elsewhere, i would say generally it can lead to play depending who is there and who takes my fancy x |
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"Snooty burgers .... I meant buggers, sorry. I am neither an exhibitionist nor am I am extrovert .... not even sociable, leave that to Mr ....
Is it not a bit hypocritical to start a thread bemoaning other people for veing stiff and uptight then admit to being antisocial? "
Tongue in cheek, but lost on some |
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"
I should imagine plenty of people like swinging but don't enjoy exhibitionism - one doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with the other."
Agreed I think Clubs need more "Private rooms" where you cant be put off by undesirable gourper banging on doors windows etc. not all of us want to show off all the time. -Club Owners please note. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am not even going to comment on how some of the women in couples appear ... but it is interesting and begs the question, why go?"
How do the women appear? |
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"I am not even going to comment on how some of the women in couples appear ... but it is interesting and begs the question, why go?
How do the women appear?"
Been chastised, daren't say .... will read with interest from now on |
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By *teed99Man
over a year ago
Kettering |
At my regular club, The Vanilla Alternative, as the name suggests, things are quite different. Swinging is the happy mix of socialising and sexy fun. VA nights start with a couple of hours of socialising in the bar and snug areas which works well with new friendships being made as well as catching up with old friends. Later, the focus moves to the massive hot tub and play areas. Last night by midnight, the bar and snug areas were completely empty as everyone was having great fun elsewhere. |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
Providing nobody is being forced to or prevented from play, what is the problem?
All use clubs for their own reason.
No two occassions will be the same, the combination of attendees will always vary to some degree.
We take from the experience whatever we, ourselves, choose.
We can only use our own time as we choose, if you feel your choices are 'wasteful' learn from it.
Live and let live x |
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As someone who's been going to parties/clubs on and off for over a decade I generally feel comfortable in clubs and around people who are having sex. Just because my eyes are not popping out and my jaw isn't on the floor doesn't mean that I am not enjoying the atmosphere - and as a guy I know I won't get to play every time.
It seems quite OK to chat about non-sex subjects and nobody is going to stop me from so doing. It's nice to get to know people. Not everyone wants to watch or be watched, sometimes my wife has gone off to play in a private room with someone else and if I've not been lucky with the ladies myself I will probably be found chatting somewhere. |
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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago
Nr Manchester |
"After visiting a good few clubs and organised parties, we have noticed that a lot of them are similar to normal clubs and very vanilla, in our opinion.
Mr feels that many of the men who part of a couple appear to be very 'straight-laced' and stiff (not in that sense, silly)standing around and chatting and not having a laugh or having fun ... just like a non-swinging party. He finds himself wondering if these people ever let their hair down?
We are left wondering if this is mainly how London clubs seem to be, or is it the norm?"
As someone else said, you want to visit the North especially Greater Manchester.
I have noticed in other threads that some people don't like clubs which are dress down on entry. However I suspect that the clubs the OP is complaining of have people there dressed in vanilla club clothing until late in the evening - if they ever get changed.
Him  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been to a club a few times recently, and to be honest as a single bloke, i've felt like i'm in competition with other single blokes, who wander around looking to see where the action is. It's put me off going to clubs to be honest, as i feel a bit uncomfortable with the predatory nature of some.... don't get me wrong, i'm as guilty as them sometimes, but the way single blokes walk up and down looking for any playtime...its as if we're all predators looking for the next kill!  I remember being ushered out of an open room one time by a single bloke, as he didnt want me intruding. It's almost like a competition....competing for a shag! I can understand why couples and single girls dislike going to clubs for this very reason.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am not even going to comment on how some of the women in couples appear ... but it is interesting and begs the question, why go?
How do the women appear?
Been chastised, daren't say .... will read with interest from now on"
Oooooh go on Pepper....... Giggle.
I can talk all night at a club, Adam usually shuts me up after an hour or so. Rude to talk with one's gob full. But if I go clubbing alone I often don't play. Just go for laugh in an environment I enjoy.
V xxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find that most of the clubs that i attend with my GF do not have a friendly vibe & this looks like a standard kind of thing I am not on about playing it's the clickiness & people being stand-off ish . So not sure if it's me or my demeanor . I have only found one club in London where the people are down to earth easy going & open . 
Luv ya pepper
Xx |
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My one and only visit to the VA left me with the impression that it is cliquey, and the kind of place couples go to be watched playing with each other rather than to play with others.
Friends who have been a few times since report the same.
But generally clubs are friendly. And good friends have been made. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After visiting a good few clubs and organised parties, we have noticed that a lot of them are similar to normal clubs and very vanilla, in our opinion.
Mr feels that many of the men who part of a couple appear to be very 'straight-laced' and stiff (not in that sense, silly)standing around and chatting and not having a laugh or having fun ... just like a non-swinging party. He finds himself wondering if these people ever let their hair down?
We are left wondering if this is mainly how London clubs seem to be, or is it the norm?
As someone else said, you want to visit the North especially Greater Manchester.
I have noticed in other threads that some people don't like clubs which are dress down on entry. However I suspect that the clubs the OP is complaining of have people there dressed in vanilla club clothing until late in the evening - if they ever get changed.
Him "
I don't like the idea of dress down clubs because I neither like being told what I can and cannot wear, nor do I like to feel like a piece of meat on display until I choose to display myself...how much of myself I choose to display depends entirely on feeling confident and comfortable and not pressured in any way to be naked before I'm ready. |
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"I am not even going to comment on how some of the women in couples appear ... but it is interesting and begs the question, why go?
How do the women appear?
Been chastised, daren't say .... will read with interest from now on
Oooooh go on Pepper....... Giggle.
I can talk all night at a club, Adam usually shuts me up after an hour or so. Rude to talk with one's gob full. But if I go clubbing alone I often don't play. Just go for laugh in an environment I enjoy.
V xxx
"
Can't let my cop fight my battles for me, I need to man up. It is the stiffness and the feeling that people are there for the appearance, not to be having fun and a good time. I know everyone is different, but are there some people who never let their hair down? This is by no means everyone as I tend to be drawn to people who I can have fun with, not the other types. Each to their own, I guess. The op was not a moan, far from it, not meant to be personal, just an observation and no clubs etc mentioned specifically .... I know I find the nights out a bit of fun and never take any of it too seriously |
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"After visiting a good few clubs and organised parties, we have noticed that a lot of them are similar to normal clubs and very vanilla, in our opinion.
Mr feels that many of the men who part of a couple appear to be very 'straight-laced' and stiff (not in that sense, silly)standing around and chatting and not having a laugh or having fun ... just like a non-swinging party. He finds himself wondering if these people ever let their hair down?
We are left wondering if this is mainly how London clubs seem to be, or is it the norm?
As someone else said, you want to visit the North especially Greater Manchester.
I have noticed in other threads that some people don't like clubs which are dress down on entry. However I suspect that the clubs the OP is complaining of have people there dressed in vanilla club clothing until late in the evening - if they ever get changed.
Him
I don't like the idea of dress down clubs because I neither like being told what I can and cannot wear, nor do I like to feel like a piece of meat on display until I choose to display myself...how much of myself I choose to display depends entirely on feeling confident and comfortable and not pressured in any way to be naked before I'm ready."
Have never been to any of these dress down or dress up clubs as I am too long in the tooth to be told what to wear by anyone .... the fancy dress theme was fun though ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most advice handed out to new people who struggle to get meets or verified is "go to a club".
Maybe those who are there and not socialising are those who took said advice, and maybe being new to the environment are not yet comfortable enough to "jump in".
Maybe they are attending for the first time and don't know anyone.
Maybe this, maybe that, maybe it's their dime and it's up to them how they spend it....... |
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By *not69Man
over a year ago
Lancashire |
"I've been to a club a few times recently, and to be honest as a single bloke, i've felt like i'm in competition with other single blokes, who wander around looking to see where the action is. It's put me off going to clubs to be honest, as i feel a bit uncomfortable with the predatory nature of some.... don't get me wrong, i'm as guilty as them sometimes, but the way single blokes walk up and down looking for any playtime...its as if we're all predators looking for the next kill! I remember being ushered out of an open room one time by a single bloke, as he didnt want me intruding. It's almost like a competition....competing for a shag! I can understand why couples and single girls dislike going to clubs for this very reason. "
I go to clubs, one quite regular. I never put myself in competition with other single guys. I never wander around looking to see where the action is. if i do go for a walk round it's too watch in the public areas or dungeon, not to find some action. You don't have to fit in with what peoples ideas of what single guys in clubs are like. Stand out by being different
I go to socialise and make friends, and I've made quite a few good friends, some I play with and some I don't. Playing is a bonus, not a competition. Considering I'm a single guy I do very well in clubs, better than lots of younger better looking guys. |
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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago
Nr Manchester |
"After visiting a good few clubs and organised parties, we have noticed that a lot of them are similar to normal clubs and very vanilla, in our opinion.
Mr feels that many of the men who part of a couple appear to be very 'straight-laced' and stiff (not in that sense, silly)standing around and chatting and not having a laugh or having fun ... just like a non-swinging party. He finds himself wondering if these people ever let their hair down?
We are left wondering if this is mainly how London clubs seem to be, or is it the norm?
As someone else said, you want to visit the North especially Greater Manchester.
I have noticed in other threads that some people don't like clubs which are dress down on entry. However I suspect that the clubs the OP is complaining of have people there dressed in vanilla club clothing until late in the evening - if they ever get changed.
Him
I don't like the idea of dress down clubs because I neither like being told what I can and cannot wear, nor do I like to feel like a piece of meat on display until I choose to display myself...how much of myself I choose to display depends entirely on feeling confident and comfortable and not pressured in any way to be naked before I'm ready."
As I said - this has been discussed in other threads and there is a divide as go what people are comfortable with. To us dressing down ( a bit of a misnomer anyway as the OH tends to dress up on something sexy) is natural and keeping your clothes on is akin to not wearing sportswear in the gym, swimwear at the beach etc.
I mentioned this because friends have told us that in some clubs they have been to, most people were dressed all evening and there was a mad dash for the changing room and the playrooms very late on. The OP's experience reminded me of this.
Him |
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By *leepyangelCouple
over a year ago
over the hill and far away |
"I've been to a club a few times recently, and to be honest as a single bloke, i've felt like i'm in competition with other single blokes, who wander around looking to see where the action is. It's put me off going to clubs to be honest, as i feel a bit uncomfortable with the predatory nature of some.... don't get me wrong, i'm as guilty as them sometimes, but the way single blokes walk up and down looking for any playtime...its as if we're all predators looking for the next kill! I remember being ushered out of an open room one time by a single bloke, as he didnt want me intruding. It's almost like a competition....competing for a shag! I can understand why couples and single girls dislike going to clubs for this very reason. "
I'm a woman and I go in some clubs and feel very uncomfortable if a group of single guys are prowling
They even follow me to the loo! |
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"Yes a lot of people just go for social and don't play which I think is is a waste might as well meet down local pub to socialise clubs are there to play
Bit hard to meet other swingers down the pub though.
I should imagine plenty of people like swinging but don't enjoy exhibitionism - one doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with the other."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes a lot of people just go for social and don't play which I think is is a waste might as well meet down local pub to socialise clubs are there to play
Bit hard to meet other swingers down the pub though.
I should imagine plenty of people like swinging but don't enjoy exhibitionism - one doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with the other.
Likewise you don't have to be an extrovert?
"
Agreed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some clubs are pretty chilled and happy socialising till much later
I like different clubs as vibes and people.
And 2 weekends ago at a big social i lost respect of two people i actually respected to and they shown me the error of my ways.
(Thank you to both)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been to a club a few times recently, and to be honest as a single bloke, i've felt like i'm in competition with other single blokes, who wander around looking to see where the action is. It's put me off going to clubs to be honest, as i feel a bit uncomfortable with the predatory nature of some.... don't get me wrong, i'm as guilty as them sometimes, but the way single blokes walk up and down looking for any playtime...its as if we're all predators looking for the next kill! I remember being ushered out of an open room one time by a single bloke, as he didnt want me intruding. It's almost like a competition....competing for a shag! I can understand why couples and single girls dislike going to clubs for this very reason.
I go to clubs, one quite regular. I never put myself in competition with other single guys. I never wander around looking to see where the action is. if i do go for a walk round it's too watch in the public areas or dungeon, not to find some action. You don't have to fit in with what peoples ideas of what single guys in clubs are like. Stand out by being different
I go to socialise and make friends, and I've made quite a few good friends, some I play with and some I don't. Playing is a bonus, not a competition. Considering I'm a single guy I do very well in clubs, better than lots of younger better looking guys. "
How are you love/ x |
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By *not69Man
over a year ago
Lancashire |
"I've been to a club a few times recently, and to be honest as a single bloke, i've felt like i'm in competition with other single blokes, who wander around looking to see where the action is. It's put me off going to clubs to be honest, as i feel a bit uncomfortable with the predatory nature of some.... don't get me wrong, i'm as guilty as them sometimes, but the way single blokes walk up and down looking for any playtime...its as if we're all predators looking for the next kill! I remember being ushered out of an open room one time by a single bloke, as he didnt want me intruding. It's almost like a competition....competing for a shag! I can understand why couples and single girls dislike going to clubs for this very reason.
I go to clubs, one quite regular. I never put myself in competition with other single guys. I never wander around looking to see where the action is. if i do go for a walk round it's too watch in the public areas or dungeon, not to find some action. You don't have to fit in with what peoples ideas of what single guys in clubs are like. Stand out by being different
I go to socialise and make friends, and I've made quite a few good friends, some I play with and some I don't. Playing is a bonus, not a competition. Considering I'm a single guy I do very well in clubs, better than lots of younger better looking guys. How are you love/ x"
Hey long time no see. Im s fine so can be at the mo. I hope you both well and hope to see you soon xx |
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Her here: although the original post was from my OH, I know he was meaning not what people were wearing, but just their general attitude or demeanour I guess it is hard to put your finger on it ... he has been to loads more clubs that me as I have only recently started going. I take the point that they may be newbie but a few couples he has seen at a few events and they are not friendly or even say hi .... I don't mean everyone should be falling over themselves to get to chat to everyone but some people are rather rude, that is all |
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