FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Moan - XTASIA - Sat 15th Nov - Single Men!
Moan - XTASIA - Sat 15th Nov - Single Men!
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" Copy of our reply on the Review section: On behalf of the club can I apologise for whatever happened last night. We had to vanish at 12, however I've chatted to door staff and it appears two couples arrived, all young, and after a couple of drinks, the lads left the girls at the bar, and decided to start "trawling" together. It was mentioned to door staff around 2am, and they promptly found the lads concerned, had a word, and from that point onwards they stayed as two couples. Saturday is categorically Couples and Single Ladies only, and will remain so. Can we also stress that we don't have staff everywhere in the club at all times, so if guests see something strange going on, we really do want them to shout about it to staff. Over the last couple of weekends, 3 girls have been ejected for sneaking a camera phone into the club, and 3 lads ejected for not taking no as an answer. If you feel something isn't right, tell us, we're here to keep everything safe and enjoyable. Thanks Paul & Flirt " Thank you for the response, it is always appreciated. And very good to see that you have a strict attitude to the rules. My only question is being a members night, Id question how they managed to gain entrance as a couple, I know you don't want to limit people to being "married" and that there are many genuine "FB" couples that attend - but maybe something needs to be looked at in the way the membership is checked on arrival - just as a point of interest when we arrived, I showed(without being asked) my membership card however my partner was never asked for hers, she equally could have been any random girl(she isn't by the way and we are very much a genuine couple) this however may help with ensuring that nobody is being brought into the club who isn't a genuine member. We had a good night however and have always enjoyed the club - this was the first and only time we were a bit shocked to see such behaviour - a shame also, as they really not do the scene any favours for the many single men that attend on other nights, or maybe attend with a friend - lets put it this way the one individual we mentioned, Id have been wary of him in a normal bar, let alone a swinging one! | |||
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"A reasonabley easy one to answer for you. Two bits to the question. The couples concerned both turned up as their first nights. As a couple, they signed in, and then showed ID. This was all in order, so at the door, they are a couple as far as we are concerned. Trust me, occasionally we get couples turning up and they don't know each others surnames....met on Fab, know only first names, etc. But if they arrive as a couple, stay as a couple, play as a couple, we have no issue with that. That is how they gained access. The second part regarding couples again is pretty simple. You have a couples card, so as a couple, you show that to gain entry to the club, and we don't ask for ID again to prove you, or your partner match who it says on the membership system. However, we know you both, the doormen know you both, infact they probably say "Hi" to you both by name, the bar staff know you both. If you turned up with another lady, we'd all know straight away. What we then do about this is down to us. We could ignore it, we could refuse you both entry, until re-joined as a new couple. Normally it falls somewhere in-between the two, as we want to mention, discretely, that we need to know the new details, however we accept that the lady concerned might not know about the past, etc. We try to be as diplomatic as we can, without upsetting anyone. Hope that answers the query, maybe next visit you can grab one of us and have a chat about any other concerns you may have, face to face, although open forum allows us to address these concerns now. See you both soon, unless of course you bring another lady xx"The whole couples card thing can be hard at times to monitor. We had an instance of a guy bringing a lady saying she was his partner. He was booked in by one of our relief managers on a quietish night as we were off. The next time he came in was a busy night and I booked him in with the same couples card, but didn't know the lady with him was not the original partner; the relief manager was not on duty to highlight this. The third time he came in was with his original partner and I booked him in. I was then stuck. Do I raise the issue of him bringing in a different lady last time and his wife in front of me finding out, or let it go and have a quiet word. I did the latter, let them in and pulled him aside. He admitted to bringing another lady with him behind his wifes back and begged me not to tell her. I said he could spend the night in the club and leave his membership behind on the way out; it was up to him to explain to his wife why they weren't coming back. We have nothing against extra marital liaisons and to be fair, I think most clubs run on this taking place with around half of their members!! lol What we can't have is people bringing in different partners on one card as we don't know who is in the club, which is a problem if there is a serious incident. Plus, someone who is in the club for one night only has nothing to lose and could cause murder. We are thinking about a different membership system to verify people against their cards as 16500 membership cards being handed out so far is hard to manage and we cannot rely on memory. I totally get the frustration of members when incidents happen in clubs, but you must understand that clubs have a hard time monitoring people when identity and confidentiality is so important on the scene and people rely on our discretion. | |||
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" Copy of our reply on the Review section: On behalf of the club can I apologise for whatever happened last night. We had to vanish at 12, however I've chatted to door staff and it appears two couples arrived, all young, and after a couple of drinks, the lads left the girls at the bar, and decided to start "trawling" together. It was mentioned to door staff around 2am, and they promptly found the lads concerned, had a word, and from that point onwards they stayed as two couples. Saturday is categorically Couples and Single Ladies only, and will remain so. Can we also stress that we don't have staff everywhere in the club at all times, so if guests see something strange going on, we really do want them to shout about it to staff. Over the last couple of weekends, 3 girls have been ejected for sneaking a camera phone into the club, and 3 lads ejected for not taking no as an answer. If you feel something isn't right, tell us, we're here to keep everything safe and enjoyable. Thanks Paul & Flirt " Great response, definitely a two way process and covers all genders / profiles  not always easy for clubs! | |||
"Its so true and we totally agree with the TownHouse team and have exactly the same issues. The very obvious answer to us is to start utilising the "Photo" option nearly all membership systems have these days, and check these off as people arrive.....now......lets await the chat on this one, lol. (Think the Trolls call that a Grenade) "Would cause havoc on fancy dress nights - let alone Halloween! 
You could always invest in fingerprint scanners! They even had one at a tanning salon I used to use (only ever before long haul holidays to acclimatise!).
Nobody would have to worry about photos then - and it would be hard to bring a mystery guest on a couples card - unless they brought a spare finger with them! 
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"Its so true and we totally agree with the TownHouse team and have exactly the same issues. The very obvious answer to us is to start utilising the "Photo" option nearly all membership systems have these days, and check these off as people arrive.....now......lets await the chat on this one, lol. (Think the Trolls call that a Grenade) "lol....yes lets await the fallout from that one!! hahaha | |||
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"Good to see the clubs response in this way well done and well managed Sounds like you both employ sound judment on the people you allow in and the type of clients you wish to have My question is how big a problem slightly fluid cpls is if they are well behaved and are there as a cpl what is the problem lots of cpls have baby sitting problems and might use the club as a date with selected friends they know and trust I guess the problem is not having everyone's id details. Maybe make this easy to do then no problem why over complicate a system and go all big brother with photos and fingerprints both I feel would be very unpopular " A legitimate question. Can't speak for Xtasia obviously but at our place, some fluid couples have both a singles and couples card. So when they are with their partner, they come on the couples card, when they are alone, they can come on their singles card. The latter is more pricey but we do have nights for guys to come along with 'friends'/FB's at a reduced price. I wonder how you guys at Xtasia tackle this one? Would be good to know what your system is on this  xxxx | |||
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"Encouraging to read this as we are keen to come and try the club. It would be our first visit to a club but trying to find the right night for beginners is a bit daunting. Hopefully we'll manage to get round to it soon! " Just get yourself along to one have a look around and soak up the atmosphere if nothing more go for a busy night so Saturdays normal best for all clubs and enjoy it chat drink and dance and if anyone takes your fancy have fun hardest part is walking through the door then you will wounder what the problem was Have fun x | |||
"Photo cards would put so many people off! The fingerprint system is the one we have been considering but it's pricey...our money is better spent on the premises to be honest. However, it could be an investment for next year. " The scanners are £65. The software to build the database is free. Pretty cheap for a lifelong system that's foolproof and unable to be gotten around by giving a card with no name/photo on it. Saves guests carrying cards with them, means you can easily identify a couple are the two people with membership, cuts your long term costs as you don't need to issue cards anymore - and also means anyone banned couldn't try and get around exclusion by signing up again with false ID. A | |||
"Photo cards would put so many people off! The fingerprint system is the one we have been considering but it's pricey...our money is better spent on the premises to be honest. However, it could be an investment for next year. The scanners are £65. The software to build the database is free. Pretty cheap for a lifelong system that's foolproof and unable to be gotten around by giving a card with no name/photo on it. Saves guests carrying cards with them, means you can easily identify a couple are the two people with membership, cuts your long term costs as you don't need to issue cards anymore - and also means anyone banned couldn't try and get around exclusion by signing up again with false ID. A" I would not want photo ID cards to access a swingers club. No thanks. We have been going to Clubs for about ten years now and whilst the system is not fool proof it is generally ok. When the system does fail it generally gets acted on and that is the end of that. It is not like every week you get the same "fake" couples and the same fake guy harassing people. It does happen, but the good clubs act and that is why they are good clubs. | |||
"Photo cards would put so many people off! The fingerprint system is the one we have been considering but it's pricey...our money is better spent on the premises to be honest. However, it could be an investment for next year. The scanners are £65. The software to build the database is free. Pretty cheap for a lifelong system that's foolproof and unable to be gotten around by giving a card with no name/photo on it. Saves guests carrying cards with them, means you can easily identify a couple are the two people with membership, cuts your long term costs as you don't need to issue cards anymore - and also means anyone banned couldn't try and get around exclusion by signing up again with false ID. A" The only problem with this would be building the existing members in and could possibly scare a few of if they didnt like the idea ( just playing devils advocate ) Also agree with _oo hot, its not an ongoing issue and if policed correctly then usually isnt a huge issue, if someone is that determined they will find a way, however once they are caught out the first time its very rare thye slip through again | |||
"Good to see the clubs response in this way well done and well managed Sounds like you both employ sound judment on the people you allow in and the type of clients you wish to have My question is how big a problem slightly fluid cpls is if they are well behaved and are there as a cpl what is the problem lots of cpls have baby sitting problems and might use the club as a date with selected friends they know and trust I guess the problem is not having everyone's id details. Maybe make this easy to do then no problem why over complicate a system and go all big brother with photos and fingerprints both I feel would be very unpopular A legitimate question. Can't speak for Xtasia obviously but at our place, some fluid couples have both a singles and couples card. So when they are with their partner, they come on the couples card, when they are alone, they can come on their singles card. The latter is more pricey but we do have nights for guys to come along with 'friends'/FB's at a reduced price. I wonder how you guys at Xtasia tackle this one? Would be good to know what your system is on this xxxx"Yes we handle it in a similar way, many couples also have singles cards here, and trust me, its not only the boys that come alone. If, when they join the club, they ask at reception if they can come alone, we automatically explore the option with them, to ensure they know they need a singles card to do so, and normally end up making sure they have both memberships. If one of a couple turns up at the door alone, again, they must take out a single membership to gain entry. We too think the photo, fingerprint idea is massive overkill for what is in fact a very small problem to us. We have enough problems persuading people we need their proper names on applications, let alone getting them to stand in front of a polaroid or taking a fingerprint. (Did I really say Polaroid). For us, our staff are key. I don't know how they do it at times, but both regular door men know nearly every member by their first name. If a member comes here monthly, I swear they know their life stories! They are also extremely good at remembering incidents, problems, issues, and are often heard whispering into someone's ear "You will watch the drink levels tonight won't you" or something similar, just as a little reminder that maybe the last visit was a little excessive and needs to be moderated in future. If someone turns up who shouldn't be here for any reason, they normally spot them half way down the drive, and both are at the door ready to turn them away. We'd like to stress again the most important point that was made at the start of the thread. Its about getting members, when in the club, to tell us if something is wrong. We can't be everywhere, and indeed we shouldn't be everywhere, its your time to have fun without being watched constantly, but we need to know straight away, if something needs to be stopped or corrected. Please, don't tell us as you leave, or on a review the next day, by then its often too late for us to do anything about it.  | |||
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"I think the first thing clubs need to clarify is what they consider a "couple". People who are married, or in a relationship, or live together, are FBs or 2 people who attend together & act as a couple until they leave. I'd like to think the latter would be the preferred definition for clubs as long as the 2 people obtain or hold a membership and can be identified by the club if it is required. " This sounds good if single guys are allowed to join in the same manner as single girls or couples. Some clubs are like this some arnt Would be great if and even better if everyone had single membership and combine them to make couples when they go along togather or with other members Its nice to have a date in a club as if its a good club its a good night out plus it help scratch that group itch lol | |||
"We have fun with people of our choosing in a relaxed environment which is why we go to clubs. I (male) find couple's nights especially relaxing but my OH In particular does like the mixed nights. Single men have their uses lol." Totally agree there my partner and I do prefer mixed nights especially when there are guys that know how to behave and at the club we attend they do generally behave. Couples nights for us tend to be more of a party night rather than a play night but that can be just as much fun. | |||
"We have fun with people of our choosing in a relaxed environment which is why we go to clubs. I (male) find couple's nights especially relaxing but my OH In particular does like the mixed nights. Single men have their uses lol. Totally agree there my partner and I do prefer mixed nights especially when there are guys that know how to behave and at the club we attend they do generally behave. Couples nights for us tend to be more of a party night rather than a play night but that can be just as much fun." As an SM, thank you both for your warm support....! 'We have our uses' - lols..... | |||
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With reference to the various discussions around checking validity of members, we agree it's a difficult issue to address, and shouldn't become something that puts people off joining, or preventing genuine "fluid" couples, that said there was more than one concern raised on these forums about this particular individual, with one poster saying they left because of it, it may be coincidence but around the time we noticed this individual and the other men that seemed to have lost their partners, the club emptied quite quickly, and earlier than we seen it before. We just told him to clear off, and as it wasn't our first time in the club, nor have we ever seen this before on our various visits, it's not put us off, however we very aware there are a number of new people often at the club's, we spoke to several that night that hadnt been before, and so as much as the seasoned members here have posted about reporting it, someone visiting for a first time might not think they would be listened to, or even if it's the norm. So something that prevents rather than cures is always better, I totally agree that don't want a system that prevents genuine couples(that may not be quite a couple) from being able to attend, I don't maybe see an issue about two single members attending as a couple either. However if something was in place to make this obvious, and so that both members were aware that not behaving as a couple could jeopardise their individual membership it may offer some protection. I agree that photo membership isnt the right answer, the finger print has some merits, as it doesn't leave people with concern about photos getting into wrong hands etc, and equally those that don't want to carry a card in their wallet. Having to show your own photo id at the door might be a quick fix(but still then needs someone to verify it on that file, which bit time consuming)
We agree with the club equally, it's about people coming to have fun and relax, and don't want it to feel like every action you do is watched(well watched in the right way;) )
For new or potential members, we want to make it clear, that this is the only time we have seen this, we would have equally been disturbed by this individual on a singles night, this is no reflection on other genuine single men(single or coming as part of fluid couple) nor on Race, creed, colour. He simply was rude, intimidating and looked somewhat unhinged. EVERYONE else in the club that night was friendly, sexy and a lot of fun, either to talk to or play with. We love coming to the club and enjoy the diversity of people and their desires. We love the facilities and think the staff do an amazing job, being very friendly and welcoming to us every time we have visited.
The discussion may go on about other methods of membership validating, but we are content that this issue is addressed and don't imagine we'll see this individual again.
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" We would have raised the issue at the time, but as we were both naked and somewhat occupied, so at the first instance of this gentleman's arrival it was a little hard to..
"Xtasia is a very large place.. if you are naked and have to get up from playing, to go and find a security member, it's a right pain the the backside.. especially if you are on the other side of the club compared to the reception area. There should be alarm cords or door bells that set off an alarm in reception that alerts the security of an issue somewhere. That would be the most simple way of reporting something. | |||
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"We firstly would like to thank the club for taking the issue seriously and their comments are very reassuring. My only concern is if the particular gentleman mentioned isn't one of these two couples, so may have still slipped through the net. We would have raised the issue at the time, but as we were both naked and somewhat occupied, so at the first instance of this gentleman's arrival it was a little hard to..
"Will let the rest of the debate run, its an interesting read for all clubs at a guess. However the guy concerned definitely was one of the couples. We have already spoken to him after the event, and explained our rules fully to him and his partner. NO single males were admitted to the club on Saturday. We accept naked, mid flow at the time makes it awkward, but we gather there was a 90 minute gap between them entering the building, and being reported to us...just think that could have been less if someone passing by had spoken out. As for alarms everywhere, personally we'd love them. Every time a gal gets on the beds with heels on, every time someone pops in a bit of gum that they will just spit out when done on the back of a bed, every time a guy pulls off a condom and hides it on top of our walls, every time a glass bottle is taken into the Jacuzzi, .... I could go on and on, but can we not treat everyone as adults? | |||
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"We firstly would like to thank the club for taking the issue seriously and their comments are very reassuring. My only concern is if the particular gentleman mentioned isn't one of these two couples, so may have still slipped through the net. We would have raised the issue at the time, but as we were both naked and somewhat occupied, so at the first instance of this gentleman's arrival it was a little hard to..
Will let the rest of the debate run, its an interesting read for all clubs at a guess. However the guy concerned definitely was one of the couples. We have already spoken to him after the event, and explained our rules fully to him and his partner. NO single males were admitted to the club on Saturday.
We accept naked, mid flow at the time makes it awkward, but we gather there was a 90 minute gap between them entering the building, and being reported to us...just think that could have been less if someone passing by had spoken out.
As for alarms everywhere, personally we'd love them. Every time a gal gets on the beds with heels on, every time someone pops in a bit of gum that they will just spit out when done on the back of a bed, every time a guy pulls off a condom and hides it on top of our walls, every time a glass bottle is taken into the Jacuzzi, .... I could go on and on, but can we not treat everyone as adults? "PMSL...and people think running a club is a glamorous game!! nail on head! hehe xx | |||
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"We firstly would like to thank the club for taking the issue seriously and their comments are very reassuring. My only concern is if the particular gentleman mentioned isn't one of these two couples, so may have still slipped through the net. We would have raised the issue at the time, but as we were both naked and somewhat occupied, so at the first instance of this gentleman's arrival it was a little hard to..
Will let the rest of the debate run, its an interesting read for all clubs at a guess. However the guy concerned definitely was one of the couples. We have already spoken to him after the event, and explained our rules fully to him and his partner. NO single males were admitted to the club on Saturday.
We accept naked, mid flow at the time makes it awkward, but we gather there was a 90 minute gap between them entering the building, and being reported to us...just think that could have been less if someone passing by had spoken out.
As for alarms everywhere, personally we'd love them. Every time a gal gets on the beds with heels on, every time someone pops in a bit of gum that they will just spit out when done on the back of a bed, every time a guy pulls off a condom and hides it on top of our walls, every time a glass bottle is taken into the Jacuzzi, .... I could go on and on, but can we not treat everyone as adults? "If it was the way the OP describes then we would more likely to deal with the issue as an adult.. and tell them to f**k off, and not bother with staff tbh. It actually makes them look a fool and warns everyone else. It's the way we've dealt with in your face pushy un-respectful single guys and similar men of couples that go wondering on their own (aka single guy syndrome). But newbies and those less verbal wont be so forward and less likely to make a big deal about it, and not return to clubs.. it's happened before. You only have to read the forums to see people say it's why they dont do clubs. | |||
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"If it was the way the OP describes then we would more likely to deal with the issue as an adult.. and tell them to f**k off, and not bother with staff tbh. It actually makes them look a fool and warns everyone else." Problem will be if there are 9 or 10 other couples in that room that view your "adult" way of dealing with the situation as being aggressive in a way that could ruin their enjoyment of the moment. How do you know how the other person is going to react to you? Who is going to want to have sex whilst there may be fight brewing up behind them? All of a sudden then you become the person responsible for the room dying a death. Interesting point brought up earlier about "what is a couple". Xtasia has for many years had a rule of "come together play together", which on the whole is followed, however I do remember that the previous owners were flexible about what that meant. I know of a married couple who were allowed in as a couple on couples only nights, and they could both play as singles. He would play on his own, and the owners allowed it because somewhere else in the club, she was playing on her own too. "Together" for them meant "at the same time" not necessarily "in the same location". Problem is that no-one cares if a single lady comes out to play, but guys playing "singles" causes friction. I guess that as long as there is consistency, and not one rule for one and another rule for everyone else, people won't mind. | |||
