FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Hold my hand at a new club
Hold my hand at a new club
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I'm desperate to try a club but it just doesn't feel right going alone to one until I've learnt the ropes, so to speak.
I've seen people in the forum saying that everyone is friendly and "don't worry, you'll be fine", but I can't seem to get past that.
Is there any ladies or couples that would be interested in accompanying me to a club (outside of Staffordshire), and showing me a ropes?
I could provide a lift and drinks as payment  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
so you are prepared to go into a club with a stranger who happen to be a couple or a fem... but not prepared to go into a club as a stranger and talk to people.....
do you know how odd that sounds.... |
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Guys,
I didn't ask for a chaperone every-time I go to a club, it was just for a one off to break me in. However, I can see that it's obviously frowned upon so I will make my way to one with my "Billy no-mates" hat on.
Thank you all for your help and understanding.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of women wouldn't like to go alone so I don't know why men are treated differently. Many women have posted similar threads and have had replies treating them like princesses. Offers to go with them etc etc....
Single women at a club are welcomed with open arms and would be looked after. Single guys at a club are treated pretty crap by some people.
So I'm totally on your side- I can't see anything wrong with not wanting to go alone the first time. I'd agree the best way might be to arrange to meet someone for a social at a club. Or look for social events in the Meets or Swinging club events forum section. No. 3 in Chorley have a social event sometimes.
Good luck. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
i would say the same to anyone... which is if you are adult enough to be on a site like this... and you are adult enough to set up meets.... then surely you are adult enough to go thru a set of doors of a club by yourself....
there is a fear of the unknown... but if most single guys waited on handholders... most wouldn't go
i don't see the difference between going to a club with strangers and just talking to people in a club and being socialable and going in on your own and talking to people in a club and being socialable...
if you have trouble talking in people... chances are clubs are not going to be for you anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lots of women wouldn't like to go alone so I don't know why men are treated differently. Many women have posted similar threads and have had replies treating them like princesses. Offers to go with them etc etc....
Single women at a club are welcomed with open arms and would be looked after. Single guys at a club are treated pretty crap by some people.
So I'm totally on your side- I can't see anything wrong with not wanting to go alone the first time. I'd agree the best way might be to arrange to meet someone for a social at a club. Or look for social events in the Meets or Swinging club events forum section. No. 3 in Chorley have a social event sometimes.
Good luck. "
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"Guys,
I didn't ask for a chaperone every-time I go to a club, it was just for a one off to break me in. However, I can see that it's obviously frowned upon so I will make my way to one with my "Billy no-mates" hat on.
Thank you all for your help and understanding. "
Almost exclusively when anyone asks for help, the advice from some regulars always has a negative twist.
Sorry your experiencing this. But seriously would you want to meet these people? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say don't worry about attending a club for now, they will always be around.
Look to attend socials and hopefully you'll click with someone and you can develop that, or arrange a meet and build your confidence perhaps?
If you're struggling to get meets or attend any socials, then I'd advise not going to a club yet as you might be too nervous / conscious on your first visit. Maybe have a look at several clubs and see which are well attended by new single guys and message the club to explain your predicament - they may be happy to help!
Good luck anyway, sure you'll get there one day and be thinking you should have gone years ago!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys,
I didn't ask for a chaperone every-time I go to a club, it was just for a one off to break me in. However, I can see that it's obviously frowned upon so I will make my way to one with my "Billy no-mates" hat on.
Thank you all for your help and understanding.
Almost exclusively when anyone asks for help, the advice from some regulars always has a negative twist.
Sorry your experiencing this. But seriously would you want to meet these people?"
Maybe the negativity comes from experience.Yes I hold my hand up I would never couple up with a random man again to help them go to a club. That comes from experience of doing just that for them to end up behaving like a total dick - touching anything that walked by, being rude and abusive to people. Yes that was his behaviour but we were seen as a couple so people would assume that I was like that (which I'm not!)
So before you condem the nasty people who won't hold the OP's hand think first!! Some of us have done this before with bad experiences. That doesn't make us mean or nasty just very very wary. If you want to do it go ahead - your reputation on the line but certainly never mine again. |
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"Guys,
I didn't ask for a chaperone every-time I go to a club, it was just for a one off to break me in. However, I can see that it's obviously frowned upon so I will make my way to one with my "Billy no-mates" hat on.
Thank you all for your help and understanding.
Almost exclusively when anyone asks for help, the advice from some regulars always has a negative twist.
Sorry your experiencing this. But seriously would you want to meet these people?
Maybe the negativity comes from experience.Yes I hold my hand up I would never couple up with a random man again to help them go to a club. That comes from experience of doing just that for them to end up behaving like a total dick - touching anything that walked by, being rude and abusive to people. Yes that was his behaviour but we were seen as a couple so people would assume that I was like that (which I'm not!)
So before you condem the nasty people who won't hold the OP's hand think first!! Some of us have done this before with bad experiences. That doesn't make us mean or nasty just very very wary. If you want to do it go ahead - your reputation on the line but certainly never mine again."
That sounds like a total betrayal of trust and kindness to me. I have more sense than to do that to someone who'd offered to help me in that way.
Like I said, clearly I've hit on a divided opinion so I'm not sure how to proceed. Thank you to those that have offered advice, it's given me plenty to work with. For those that see it as a nonsense, I wish I had your confidence in such a situation. I don't put swingers clubs in the same category as normal night clubs or pubs, perhaps that's why I'm a little unsure. I'm sure once I do go to one, I will be fine but until then, I'll take my time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys,
I didn't ask for a chaperone every-time I go to a club, it was just for a one off to break me in. However, I can see that it's obviously frowned upon so I will make my way to one with my "Billy no-mates" hat on.
Thank you all for your help and understanding.
Almost exclusively when anyone asks for help, the advice from some regulars always has a negative twist.
Sorry your experiencing this. But seriously would you want to meet these people?
Maybe the negativity comes from experience.Yes I hold my hand up I would never couple up with a random man again to help them go to a club. That comes from experience of doing just that for them to end up behaving like a total dick - touching anything that walked by, being rude and abusive to people. Yes that was his behaviour but we were seen as a couple so people would assume that I was like that (which I'm not!)
So before you condem the nasty people who won't hold the OP's hand think first!! Some of us have done this before with bad experiences. That doesn't make us mean or nasty just very very wary. If you want to do it go ahead - your reputation on the line but certainly never mine again.
That sounds like a total betrayal of trust and kindness to me. I have more sense than to do that to someone who'd offered to help me in that way.
Like I said, clearly I've hit on a divided opinion so I'm not sure how to proceed. Thank you to those that have offered advice, it's given me plenty to work with. For those that see it as a nonsense, I wish I had your confidence in such a situation. I don't put swingers clubs in the same category as normal night clubs or pubs, perhaps that's why I'm a little unsure. I'm sure once I do go to one, I will be fine but until then, I'll take my time."
Maybe go for a happy medium? I know people who do this all the time. Look in the clubs part of the forum, pick a thread about a particular night that you think you'd like to go to and post in that thread that you're new and nervous. Don't ask for people to hold your hand, because, well you're a grown up after all, and it's really up to you to sort yourself out, but conversations starting in the thread can lead to people who will let you know that they're going too and perhaps will arrange to meet with you and say hi once you're in...that way, nobody is under any obligation to you or feels responsible for your behaviour and you've chalked up a brave move on your part to boost your own confidence...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The trouble with asking people to take you is that I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't want to feel responsible for others enjoyment after all, aren't most of us here for our own enjoyment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Guys,
I didn't ask for a chaperone every-time I go to a club, it was just for a one off to break me in. However, I can see that it's obviously frowned upon so I will make my way to one with my "Billy no-mates" hat on.
Thank you all for your help and understanding.
Almost exclusively when anyone asks for help, the advice from some regulars always has a negative twist.
Sorry your experiencing this. But seriously would you want to meet these people?"
Is it negativity or just being pragmatic? Ultimately very few if any club goers would want to chaperone a stranger for the night.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I read it as a request for a cheaper way of getting into a club and thats based on my experience of guys messeging me/us and asking me/us to either go in as a couple with them or sign them in and hence making it easier and cheaper for them to gain entrance to a club and not have to pay membership and single guy entrance fee, they mostly freely admit its about price rather than hand holding ! |
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"I read it as a request for a cheaper way of getting into a club and thats based on my experience of guys messeging me/us and asking me/us to either go in as a couple with them or sign them in and hence making it easier and cheaper for them to gain entrance to a club and not have to pay membership and single guy entrance fee, they mostly freely admit its about price rather than hand holding !"
Wow  so I'm a cheapskate now too. Pmsl. Trust me, money is not the issue here. I'd happily pay the single male entrance fees, but not to worry, I think with what I'm seeing of people's opinions on here, it's probably best if I just avoid the club's completely because I'd only be disappointed.
So, let's see. So far I'm a pussy, a child, a potential pest, and a cheapskate. I wonder what's going to come next!!!!  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
", I think with what I'm seeing of people's opinions on here, it's probably best if I just avoid the club's completely because I'd only be disappointed.
"
if that is what you are seeing.... then no amount of help anyone is going to suggest is going to be good enough...
I think people are saying "just go!" rather than relying on someone else.....
we were all new once!!! I dont see what going in with strangers is going to achieve.... you are still going to have to talk to people...
" I don't put swingers clubs in the same category as normal night clubs or pubs, perhaps that's why I'm a little unsure.."
I am going to pick on this bit of what you said... because that is the fear of the unknown clouding your thinking...
I think most people who have been to clubs will say Swinging Clubs for the most part are like nightclubs and pubs.... and you still have to talk to people!! just a bit happening after that is different....
like I said... if you are going to be a mute... they are probably not going to be for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read it as a request for a cheaper way of getting into a club and thats based on my experience of guys messeging me/us and asking me/us to either go in as a couple with them or sign them in and hence making it easier and cheaper for them to gain entrance to a club and not have to pay membership and single guy entrance fee, they mostly freely admit its about price rather than hand holding !
Wow so I'm a cheapskate now too. Pmsl. Trust me, money is not the issue here. I'd happily pay the single male entrance fees, but not to worry, I think with what I'm seeing of people's opinions on here, it's probably best if I just avoid the club's completely because I'd only be disappointed.
So, let's see. So far I'm a pussy, a child, a potential pest, and a cheapskate. I wonder what's going to come next!!!! "
But you are potentially all of those things. And that is why people are very wary of chaperoning a stranger.
And while it may not have been your motive many single men have posted similar threads thinking that a partner of convenience will get them cheap admission and potentially far more attention |
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"Guys,
I didn't ask for a chaperone every-time I go to a club, it was just for a one off to break me in. However, I can see that it's obviously frowned upon so I will make my way to one with my "Billy no-mates" hat on.
Thank you all for your help and understanding.
Almost exclusively when anyone asks for help, the advice from some regulars always has a negative twist.
Sorry your experiencing this. But seriously would you want to meet these people?
Maybe the negativity comes from experience.Yes I hold my hand up I would never couple up with a random man again to help them go to a club. That comes from experience of doing just that for them to end up behaving like a total dick - touching anything that walked by, being rude and abusive to people. Yes that was his behaviour but we were seen as a couple so people would assume that I was like that (which I'm not!)
So before you condem the nasty people who won't hold the OP's hand think first!! Some of us have done this before with bad experiences. That doesn't make us mean or nasty just very very wary. If you want to do it go ahead - your reputation on the line but certainly never mine again."
was the comment directed at you? And that's not what you said in your original post
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read it as a request for a cheaper way of getting into a club and thats based on my experience of guys messeging me/us and asking me/us to either go in as a couple with them or sign them in and hence making it easier and cheaper for them to gain entrance to a club and not have to pay membership and single guy entrance fee, they mostly freely admit its about price rather than hand holding !
Wow so I'm a cheapskate now too. Pmsl. Trust me, money is not the issue here. I'd happily pay the single male entrance fees, but not to worry, I think with what I'm seeing of people's opinions on here, it's probably best if I just avoid the club's completely because I'd only be disappointed.
So, let's see. So far I'm a pussy, a child, a potential pest, and a cheapskate. I wonder what's going to come next!!!! "
My word aren't you a sensitive little soul? I note that you only managed to pull out what you saw as the negative stuff and not any of the positive comments offering alternatives such as mine...ah well, if you're going to be quite so touchy, people have probably had a lucky escape not getting lumbered with someone so easy to fly off the handle...I can't imagine how you might take rejection at a club if your performance here is anything to go by... |
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"I read it as a request for a cheaper way of getting into a club and thats based on my experience of guys messeging me/us and asking me/us to either go in as a couple with them or sign them in and hence making it easier and cheaper for them to gain entrance to a club and not have to pay membership and single guy entrance fee, they mostly freely admit its about price rather than hand holding !
Wow so I'm a cheapskate now too. Pmsl. Trust me, money is not the issue here. I'd happily pay the single male entrance fees, but not to worry, I think with what I'm seeing of people's opinions on here, it's probably best if I just avoid the club's completely because I'd only be disappointed.
So, let's see. So far I'm a pussy, a child, a potential pest, and a cheapskate. I wonder what's going to come next!!!!
My word aren't you a sensitive little soul? I note that you only managed to pull out what you saw as the negative stuff and not any of the positive comments offering alternatives such as mine...ah well, if you're going to be quite so touchy, people have probably had a lucky escape not getting lumbered with someone so easy to fly off the handle...I can't imagine how you might take rejection at a club if your performance here is anything to go by..."
Wow again. Thank you for your kind words. Believe it or not, I have sent personal messages thanking those that have sympathised with my position, so I have acknowledged the positive messages.
This post was not about having someone to mother or father me at a club. I used the subject "hold my hand" as a bit of a joke but it's obviously been taken in a nagative light. The intention was about asking someone to join me at a club that could explain how it all works, give me the heads up on do and don'ts, and perhaps even someone to have a laugh and a joke with. It seems like the seasoned professionals amongst you feel that newbies are more of nuisance than anything else. I expected some negativity, however I'm not sure if I expected so much.
Thank you all again for your comments. I won't be responding to anymore replies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read it as a request for a cheaper way of getting into a club and thats based on my experience of guys messeging me/us and asking me/us to either go in as a couple with them or sign them in and hence making it easier and cheaper for them to gain entrance to a club and not have to pay membership and single guy entrance fee, they mostly freely admit its about price rather than hand holding !
Wow so I'm a cheapskate now too. Pmsl. Trust me, money is not the issue here. I'd happily pay the single male entrance fees, but not to worry, I think with what I'm seeing of people's opinions on here, it's probably best if I just avoid the club's completely because I'd only be disappointed.
So, let's see. So far I'm a pussy, a child, a potential pest, and a cheapskate. I wonder what's going to come next!!!!
My word aren't you a sensitive little soul? I note that you only managed to pull out what you saw as the negative stuff and not any of the positive comments offering alternatives such as mine...ah well, if you're going to be quite so touchy, people have probably had a lucky escape not getting lumbered with someone so easy to fly off the handle...I can't imagine how you might take rejection at a club if your performance here is anything to go by...
Wow again. Thank you for your kind words. Believe it or not, I have sent personal messages thanking those that have sympathised with my position, so I have acknowledged the positive messages.
This post was not about having someone to mother or father me at a club. I used the subject "hold my hand" as a bit of a joke but it's obviously been taken in a nagative light. The intention was about asking someone to join me at a club that could explain how it all works, give me the heads up on do and don'ts, and perhaps even someone to have a laugh and a joke with. It seems like the seasoned professionals amongst you feel that newbies are more of nuisance than anything else. I expected some negativity, however I'm not sure if I expected so much.
Thank you all again for your comments. I won't be responding to anymore replies. "
You will find the same forum bullies jumping on any man with a similar post to yours...usually women |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP - do what I did, get to a local pub and have 2 or 3 beers as a bit of Dutch courage, chewing gum to avert the smell of beer, and dive in there !! Nothing to be scared of my friend, remember, everyone is there for the same reason !! Enjoy !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't take a man I didn't know to a club, but I've certainly arranged to meet single men at clubs just to say hello and be social, making it clear that they'll be no play involved.
I'm a fairly confident person, but do understand how difficult it can be to walk in alone with the fear of standing their like a billy no mates all night!
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
We are with the OP on this one there is nothing wrong with asking to go with somebody for their first visit. We did exactly that when we went as a couple to our first club, admittedly we walked through the doors on our own and met them in the bar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The people who work at the club will usually happily show you around and explain things to you. I have also seen them introduce a new person to regulars who are there which might help ca;m nerves.
However generally its bestto just man up and go along and see if you like it .... or not
My first reply was based on my/our experience of guys asking us to take them to a club for the first time and being as we have been many many times and been asked the same questions many many times then my reply is based on fact ... like it or not lol |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
I really can't understand the reluctance of people to go to clubs for the first time without someone to hold their hand.
I have always gone to clubs alone, until I met my fiancé. My first visit to a club was by public transport to another town, on my own. Apparently all the guys in the club were a little in awe of me....the manager told me it takes real balls to walk in the door the first time, particularly as a single and most of the guys in there hadn't got that sort of nerve.
In my opinion, if you want to have fun then you need to go and find it! Man up and just walk in |
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I really find it puzzling that so many ladies and couples, who (lets face it) are guaranteed a shag if they want one, cannot understand the trepidation a man feels walking alone into a swinging club.
I happily go to pubs, vanilla clubs and on hollibobs alone -things that many ladies dont like to do - but going to my first club was nervey at best.
People fear the social stereotypes that prevail and worry about the wrong kind of attention or worse...just being ignored. This is true for women alone in pubs or on hols...or guys in a world where those that 'know' think they know exactly what a single guy is going to be like.
I feel far more comfortable as a straight man walking into a gay club as I get lots of attention from gay men but I can handle it and usually feel complimented.
In a swingers club there is a chance that noone would talk to me.
So the 2 times I have been I was lucky enough to not be alone and even then it was a little daunting.
So OP, I completely understand your post and also feel you have been rough housed a bit. Take the good advice and go and enjoy yourself.
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I wouldn't want to go alone (him here)
Its not through fear or nerves, couples and single females are embraced and get along fine.
Single males are to wait on the side line, not be a nuisance, wait and hope someone bothers with you ... Most wont even bother with you.
My advice, go as a couple for a better time |
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