FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Attention to a potential problem
Attention to a potential problem
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"Sorry just way too long to read, the gist of the story would have been so much easier"  | |||
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" Sorry you've had a negative experience but I'm really confused as to what has actually happened here. I don't get the gist of what he has done to you. " | |||
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"Why didn't your partner get involved and stop him from touching you?.. Sorry for what you experienced though. " | |||
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"I would like to know what your partner was doing at this time? He should have been protecting you." | |||
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"I've never been to a club. I might like to if mr right turns up but if as a newbie they wouldn't protect me from this, then I'm scared off already " Yes these one or two bad experiences from dozens of clubs and hundreds of club nights a year represent a majority and therefore are cause for concern 
There are a lot of people on this forum that look for any post that contains negativity about clubs to immediately let us know that this is why they wont go to one or "now wont" its such an odd attitude.
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"n, who understood perfect english but tried the i dont understand excuse for actions as justifcation, but he clearly indicated a very real fact that [b]eastern europian men[/b], " way to throw a bit of racist stereotyping into your massive post. Was it a bet to see if you could be pretty outwardly racist in a forum post and hide it in about 600 words ? | |||
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" i firmly believe that everyone who goes should be told in plain english what the rules are, with no innuendo. one of these rules is that you never touch without an invitation, whether it be verbal, a nod or other gesture. also, that an invitation to one half of a couple does not always include the other half. " Of all the clubs we have been too only one consistently makes this message clear to any new people is ourplace4fun, every new person gets a personal tour where the rules are explained. They also have a white line round all of the play areas and if you want to join you have to be invited into the area. Very few clubs take the time to explain the rules and etiquette a lot of it just assumed. | |||
"no offence... but most of that I would have discussed with any potential playing partners before I entered into a situation of playing....... so maybe the actual lesson from your post is not only the understand of others.... but to change the ways you vet people you play with, and get across the do's and donts of the situation you are getting into " | |||
"Zzzzzz" | |||
" i firmly believe that everyone who goes should be told in plain english what the rules are, with no innuendo. one of these rules is that you never touch without an invitation, whether it be verbal, a nod or other gesture. also, that an invitation to one half of a couple does not always include the other half. Of all the clubs we have been too only one consistently makes this message clear to any new people is ourplace4fun, every new person gets a personal tour where the rules are explained. They also have a white line round all of the play areas and if you want to join you have to be invited into the area. Very few clubs take the time to explain the rules and etiquette a lot of it just assumed. " I've never been to a club where you haven't had the rules explained and I always tell guys when i show them around a club | |||
"Don't play in public thus avoiding the arseholes " | |||
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" i firmly believe that everyone who goes should be told in plain english what the rules are, with no innuendo. one of these rules is that you never touch without an invitation, whether it be verbal, a nod or other gesture. also, that an invitation to one half of a couple does not always include the other half. Of all the clubs we have been too only one consistently makes this message clear to any new people is ourplace4fun, every new person gets a personal tour where the rules are explained. They also have a white line round all of the play areas and if you want to join you have to be invited into the area. Very few clubs take the time to explain the rules and etiquette a lot of it just assumed. I've never been to a club where you haven't had the rules explained and I always tell guys when i show them around a club " | |||
"unlucky at bein g in the wrong place at the wrong time with this rare one off freaks infaltrating the scene undected and not a feared indicater that the foreign gentleman, who understood perfect english but tried the i dont understand excuse for actions as justifcation, but he clearly indicated a very real fact that eastern europian men, with no respect for women, have become a problematic pest and threat to womens safety in some notable bars in manchester and concerning cases of abuse in young d*unken girls inexperianced and vulnerable, is widly reported in papers and reported to police stations, i really hope im being nurotic and over analylical " Nurotic? Over analytical? I couldn't possibly say. But this section of your post shows very clear and unpleasant connotations | |||
"its a minefield of etiquette, but communication is essential. " Etiquette is hardly a minefield ! 
No means no.
Waiting to be invited is the correct behaviour.
Respecting personal space.
And taking 'fuck off' as an indication that you've overstepped the mark/encroached to close as a signal to do just that.
Simple rules that if observed ensure a good time for all.
A | |||
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"I gave up halfway through tge second paragraph - executive summary anyone? " Someone touched her boob in a club without being invited and then she at a thesaurus :D | |||
" Nurotic? Over analytical? I couldn't possibly say. But this section of your post shows very clear and unpleasant connotations" yeah I thought the quite blatant racism was a nice touch, just far enough into it that most people have given up the will to live! | |||
"I've never been to a club. I might like to if mr right turns up but if as a newbie they wouldn't protect me from this, then I'm scared off already " Most clubs look out for single ladies so you shouldn't have any issues...  | |||
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" But yeah long story short someone touched her boob." An Eastern European touched her boob, this had a whole paragraph dedicated to it so I think its important. | |||
"Right I get it, someone got touchy touchy in a club when they shouldn't have. on our 3rd visit to a club ever someone walked into a locked room and started touching Mrs Cherry when we were playing without being invited, I told him to to leave and reported him to the management. It sucks and its not fun, it can ruin the mood but im afraid when you put people into these situations and ply them with alcohol these things happen. This odd idea that by signing up to a website or going to a club suddenly changes people into the mythical "swinger" is odd, people are still people and expecting them to be anything else is a little naive. Also whats up with the first post ? you literally take a paragraph to say something you can say just as well in a sentence its like you swallowed a thesaurus. " Are you for real?? A woman is sexually assaulted in a club and choses to share that with the forum and all you bang on about is about her English usage. FFS keep attending those compassion classes! | |||
"Firstly, you have public sex. If you dont want strangers touching you maybe dont have public sex? " So to clarify - public sex equals an open invitation for others to join in? | |||
" Are you for real?? A woman is sexually assaulted in a club and choses to share that with the forum and all you bang on about is about her English usage. FFS keep attending those compassion classes!" This sort of stuff happens in the community, you deal with it at the time in a calm and firm manner you let the club management know and if its a decent club they will get rid of said person, you cant stop people being people just because its "swinging". I do not believe that it should be a precursor to a pretty poorly written rant with a massive racist undertone to it no. | |||
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"Firstly, you have public sex. If you dont want strangers touching you maybe dont have public sex? So to clarify - public sex equals an open invitation for others to join in?" It doesn't. To 99.9% of club goers. A | |||
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" Are you for real?? A woman is sexually assaulted in a club and choses to share that with the forum and all you bang on about is about her English usage. FFS keep attending those compassion classes! This sort of stuff happens in the community, you deal with it at the time in a calm and firm manner you let the club management know and if its a decent club they will get rid of said person, you cant stop people being people just because its "swinging". I do not believe that it should be a precursor to a pretty poorly written rant with a massive racist undertone to it no. " So she's a racist who asked for it! Just because she has written a long post doesn't take away the fact that she was assaulted. Anybody with an ounce of compassion would sympathise with that. I have seen and witnessed the type of behaviour in some of the clubs in the north west that she is describing. She's not being racist by mentioning their ethnicity. | |||
"Firstly, you have public sex. If you dont want strangers touching you maybe dont have public sex? So to clarify - public sex equals an open invitation for others to join in?" I don't want strangers touching me during sex and the way i ensure that is by not allowing strangers access to me while i'm having sex. It is an extremely risky business having sex in pulic places, i'm sure those who do it know that. So they know that every time they do it they are open to a miriad of unpleasant things that could happen. I know this and i don't have sex in public, that's why i choose not to. There are many actions and choices we make every day and many of them are risk related. I have always wondered what sex with someone in a club would be like but after a quick visit to one i realised the risks outweighed the benefits and left. No-one has the right to sexually molest another person however we all have a responsibility to make our own decisions as to how much risk we put ourselves at. | |||
" So she's a racist who asked for it! Just because she has written a long post doesn't take away the fact that she was assaulted. Anybody with an ounce of compassion would sympathise with that. I have seen and witnessed the type of behaviour in some of the clubs in the north west that she is describing. She's not being racist by mentioning their ethnicity. " No one said she deserved anything, are you a daily mail reader too because you're making some interesting jumps here. Having been in a situation like this ourselves you deal with you tell the guy no and you report it to the club management, who if they are a decent club will bar him or deal with him. As for the racist implications, if you don't believe that singling someone out for negative behavior (and going to some lengths to do it too) while attributing to his race/where hes from isn't racist then I'm not sure what to say to you (but you're wrong). | |||
" So she's a racist who asked for it! Just because she has written a long post doesn't take away the fact that she was assaulted. Anybody with an ounce of compassion would sympathise with that. I have seen and witnessed the type of behaviour in some of the clubs in the north west that she is describing. She's not being racist by mentioning their ethnicity. No one said she deserved anything, are you a daily mail reader too because you're making some interesting jumps here. Having been in a situation like this ourselves you deal with you tell the guy no and you report it to the club management, who if they are a decent club will bar him or deal with him. As for the racist implications, if you don't believe that singling someone out for negative behavior (and going to some lengths to do it too) while attributing to his race/where hes from isn't racist then I'm not sure what to say to you (but you're wrong). " Whatever you say! As always someone who knows jack shit about me telling me what i am. Feel free to correct my grammar/throw racist accusations if it makes you feel better about yourself. | |||
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" Whatever you say! As always someone who knows jack shit about me telling me what i am. Feel free to correct my grammar/throw racist accusations if it makes you feel better about yourself." Its not about grammar its about being understandable, I'm not sure why your singling us out but this thread is pretty much (aside from you) full of people commenting on the poor readability of the opening post and the odd racist end to it. If you're going to get sanctimonious there is a whole thread of people saying the same thing you can start on too | |||
"Right I get it, someone got touchy touchy in a club when they shouldn't have. on our 3rd visit to a club ever someone walked into a locked room and started touching Mrs Cherry when we were playing without being invited, I told him to to leave and reported him to the management. It sucks and its not fun, it can ruin the mood but im afraid when you put people into these situations and ply them with alcohol these things happen. This odd idea that by signing up to a website or going to a club suddenly changes people into the mythical "swinger" is odd, people are still people and expecting them to be anything else is a little naive. Also whats up with the first post ? you literally take a paragraph to say something you can say just as well in a sentence its like you swallowed a thesaurus. Are you for real?? A woman is sexually assaulted in a club and choses to share that with the forum and all you bang on about is about her English usage. FFS keep attending those compassion classes!" To be fair she dedicates about three paragraphs to repeat a dozen times the importance of good communication in swinging. | |||
"Its way to long to read but sounds interesting lol." Just think of it like crunches you gotta slog through if you want that 6 pack prize :p | |||
"Its way to long to read but sounds interesting lol. Just think of it like crunches you gotta slog through if you want that 6 pack prize :p" Yes like 3 sets of 10 reps lol. | |||
"Its way to long to read but sounds interesting lol. Just think of it like crunches you gotta slog through if you want that 6 pack prize :pYes like 3 sets of 10 reps lol." Sod that this is American psycho levels now you gotta reach the big 1k :p | |||
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" So she's a racist who asked for it! Just because she has written a long post doesn't take away the fact that she was assaulted. Anybody with an ounce of compassion would sympathise with that. I have seen and witnessed the type of behaviour in some of the clubs in the north west that she is describing. She's not being racist by mentioning their ethnicity. No one said she deserved anything, are you a daily mail reader too because you're making some interesting jumps here. Having been in a situation like this ourselves you deal with you tell the guy no and you report it to the club management, who if they are a decent club will bar him or deal with him. As for the racist implications, if you don't believe that singling someone out for negative behavior (and going to some lengths to do it too) while attributing to his race/where hes from isn't racist then I'm not sure what to say to you (but you're wrong). " Did you even bother to read the opening post from the OP all the way through??? The OP said she reported the incident to management but the management did'nt do anything about it, the management seemed to be friends with the guilty party and they had a well worked out routine of excuses. Thats what i read from the opening statement in this thread anyway. Some people on this site it seems are just itching to throw the "you're a racist" accusation around, i've seen it many times on here on many different threads. So the guy who touched without permission was an eastern european, it really does not make the OP a racist for saying that if its a fact of what happened. These silly little digs about being Daily Mail readers are also really not necessary. No should always mean no in a club and no-one should ever join in on some action in a club without consent from those playing. OP, can i ask a question and can you reply in short simple terms.....Did management ask the guy to leave, ban or remove him from the club or not? If not then this club should be named and shamed. | |||
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"short and straight to the point "My favorite part was "The added addition to this story..." | |||
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"'I gave up halfway through tge second paragraph - executive summary anyone?' A man touched me in a club without permission..I told him to fuck off and reported him staff. Also I don't like immigrates much.. " Thanks | |||
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"The fault lies with her partner not noticing the intrusion , or indeed the op not noticing . While not condoning the behaviour of the perpetrator who touched her boob , if no one told him not to , he will chance his arm . Just because it was in the couples room , it is still the responsibility if the players to ensure no one joins in uninvited . As for those suggesting telling the police , ffs are you crazy ? Imagine the headlines and public interpretation , not to mention the further distress of a court case . And the possible closure of the club , and possibly all swinging clubs ! The racial undertone is irrelevant , and best ignored , just put it down to experience and be more aware if you go again "Just because she's having sex with someone in an open play area, it does not give anyone the right to sexually engage with her without consent.The recent rape case shows that the authorities do have the ability to take sexual assault in these environments seriously. If she's as upset about the lack of management action as her post implies then reporting the incident would, in my opinion, be the next step. The fault does not lie at all with either her or her partner but entirely with the person who touched without consent. It is not the responsibility of those playing to have to constantly watch out for straying hands. It's up to the owners of those hands to keep them to their selves until invited to do so otherwise. If her partner had noticed that there was a wondering hand, he should have intervened but I can't tell from the OP if he had noticed or not. If your suggestion of all clubs being closed because of an incident such as this is accurate, then the recent case where a man has been convicted should cause all swingers clubs to be closed up for good. crystal | |||
"I would like to know what your partner was doing at this time? He should have been protecting you." | |||
"I would like to know what your partner was doing at this time? He should have been protecting you." | |||
"The fault lies with her partner not noticing the intrusion , or indeed the op not noticing . While not condoning the behaviour of the perpetrator who touched her boob , if no one told him not to , he will chance his arm . Just because it was in the couples room , it is still the responsibility if the players to ensure no one joins in uninvited . As for those suggesting telling the police , ffs are you crazy ? Imagine the headlines and public interpretation , not to mention the further distress of a court case . And the possible closure of the club , and possibly all swinging clubs ! The racial undertone is irrelevant , and best ignored , just put it down to experience and be more aware if you go again
Just because she's having sex with someone in an open play area, it does not give anyone the right to sexually engage with her without consent.The recent rape case shows that the authorities do have the ability to take sexual assault in these environments seriously. If she's as upset about the lack of management action as her post implies then reporting the incident would, in my opinion, be the next step. The fault does not lie at all with either her or her partner but entirely with the person who touched without consent. It is not the responsibility of those playing to have to constantly watch out for straying hands. It's up to the owners of those hands to keep them to their selves until invited to do so otherwise. If her partner had noticed that there was a wondering hand, he should have intervened but I can't tell from the OP if he had noticed or not.
If your suggestion of all clubs being closed because of an incident such as this is accurate, then the recent case where a man has been convicted should cause all swingers clubs to be closed up for good.
crystal"I have to take issue with the point you raise about it not being anyone's responsibility but the owner of the wandering hands Crystal . We have been attending various clubs for 3 years and there is an onus of responsibility on the playmates too , even if there shouldn't have to be . It's the nature of public sex , people will take chances , men , women and couples . We have told many of each category no thanks many times . No issue , no problem , and so we continue our adventure and if course it will happen again and we will continue to say no if it's not what we want . Rape is a very different offence to touching a boob , and a court case involving this would be farcical . Perhaps I am wrong and court cases involving swinging clubs wouldn't lead to their closure , but they certainly wouldn't help , especially if this was taken as an example . Andrew | |||
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"I've never been to a club. I might like to if mr right turns up but if as a newbie they wouldn't protect me from this, then I'm scared off already Yes these one or two bad experiences from dozens of clubs and hundreds of club nights a year represent a majority and therefore are cause for concern
There are a lot of people on this forum that look for any post that contains negativity about clubs to immediately let us know that this is why they wont go to one or "now wont" its such an odd attitude.
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""Please respect peoples boundaries and always obtain consent before touching others" - would have used far less internet ink and paper. Plus I doubt your target audience will be forum users. A" Cheers Obi, that saved me a headache | |||
"well - blimey i read it all but a lot wont and it wasnt all necessary - id trim it to get the point across - whilst i agree with you and what happened was wrong i have to ask about your partner you were with - no way would my fella let anybody into a private room with us, touch me, or anything without my knowing and saying was ok - if i was so into my orgasm that i was unaware then more so he would look out for me - part of the partnership is this and why i play with only him there " I agree. Glad you did the short version x | |||
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"A clear demonstration of your intellectual prowess, my dear. A valuable contributions for the benefit of humanity i see. You can actually use a key to make a noise, i'm forever enlightened. " | |||
" "Its pretty awesome Yoda signed up to fab swingers to be fair. | |||
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"well - blimey i read it all but a lot wont and it wasnt all necessary - id trim it to get the point across - whilst i agree with you and what happened was wrong i have to ask about your partner you were with - no way would my fella let anybody into a private room with us, touch me, or anything without my knowing and saying was ok - if i was so into my orgasm that i was unaware then more so he would look out for me - part of the partnership is this and why i play with only him there I agree. Glad you did the short version x" youre welcome - i have a headache now - x | |||
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"This has happened to us, about six years ago at a club in the East Midlands/Home Counties. There was a single guy that used to follow couples about and constantly ask to join in, we always said no and thought he would finally get the hint. He didn't!!! One evening at the club, he actually crossed the line in the couples room and we told him that he should "Fuck off now before I get to stand up!" He did leave us and I went to complain to the management (once we were dressed. ) I described him to the guy as permed 70's hair, wearing jeans and a blue and white shirt. We were told that it would be dealt with. Later that same evening, we saw him again and went back to the management and asked what had been done, as he was still in the club. We were told it was "out of character" for him to do this and he was just warned. Not happy, we made our feelings known and another couple heard us and came to say this same guy had done the same to them. Others we have spoken to before also had problems with him. It was then we found out that he was a friend of the owner and had numerous complaints against him, but always came back! And that is why we stopped going to that club! I suppose that we have to realise that single guys bring in more money per person than a couple. Without them, club prices would be higher, but Surely, complaints should be taken seriously?" Clubs aren't stupid. One single male doesn't provide sufficient income to risk losing couple attendees and word spreading. It would be business suicide and unsustainable. I guess friendship with owners will only carry so much weight for so long. A | |||
"Wow, having just read all the responses, i will make no further attempts to rectify some of the issues off topic i've caused. I will leave with this note. It's absolutely sickening that the emphasis should be about the finer details, assumptions of my meaning (I take ownership, for some of that)" Just what is your first language out of curiosity? | |||
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"Sorry just way too long to read, the gist of the story would have been so much easier" I gave up reading it after half hour and only a 3rd of the way through. What was it about | |||
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