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What should we expect for our first time to a swingers club?
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We are a young couple, and at some point during June, we will be visiting our first swingers club.  (But we don't know what to expect  )
We would simply like to ask the lovely community of fab about their experiences, how was their first time and what should we be aware of.
How do you politely break it down to someone that you are not interested?
And basic info we should need to know about.
If anyone is bored and has the time, making a small little mini 101 guide would be amazing! (But only if you really wanted, it would be much appreciated!)
Thank you in advance! 
J & S
x |
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Going to a club is pretty nerve wracking the first time - but, treat it as a social and you will find that it is much more relaxed than a vanilla club. You also need to be clear that 'no' always works, maybe have a codeword that you can use with each other to say not interested as its amazing how far you can go thinking your partner is into someone only to discover afterwards thety were just being polite!!
It is great fun, the vast majority of people are great, people are easy to talk with, it is incredibly erotic watching someone having sex and for us has led to us having a very, very good time...
Also with clubs their are enough people for you to walk away from if you don't click.
I'm sure we've missed loads, but the main thing we've found is go to have fun, don't force yourself to do anything and you will relax and find your own pace.
Enjoy  |
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One tip I was given when I first went to a club was 'politeness works, but there are times when a fuck off is what is needed.'
If you are in conversation with someone and it isn't working for you, be polite, there is no need for rudeness. However, sometimes, not often, some people just won't back off, and that is when a fuck off will do the job a lot better. This usually happens in a play area, where you might be enjoying each other, but someone else tries to join in. Don't be afraid to use either.
And as above, take a code word or action, just in case. That makes it clear that one of you isn't interested. Show a united front. I've been in clubs where a bloke has said to me "I'd fuck you, but the wife doesn't like you, so I can't." That is not what I want to hear. So just go with "sorry, but one of us isn't interested."
Enjoy it, have a giggle, don't let yourself be intimidated, and don't change your ground rules in the heat of the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A simple no thanks has always worked for us, better to walk away wishing you'd done more than walking away wishing you hadn't of done that, another good tip don't drink too much it impairs judgement, it's not nearly as frightening as you imagine it to be. Good luck I'm sure you will be fine |
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Thanks for all the early morning replys, we are taking these tips into consideration!
we keep getting told not to be d*unk, however is getting tipsy fine?
Making a codeword is a great idea and will definitely be using it!
Are people along more understanding than usual at a swingers club? They won't get annoyed if they get turned down right?
Thanks again,
J & S
X
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Thanks for all the early morning replys, we are taking these tips into consideration!
we keep getting told not to be d*unk, however is getting tipsy fine?
Making a codeword is a great idea and will definitely be using it!
Are people along more understanding than usual at a swingers club? They won't get annoyed if they get turned down right?
Thanks again,
J & S
X
"
absolute vouch for not getting d*unk and for a codeword.... don't make it too obvious though (shouting elephant for example gives the game away lol)
I have always said if someone takes offence at a "no thank you" they shouldn't be swinging in the 1st place, and that is doubly for clubs.....
I think if you tell people its your first time they will be more understanding with you.....we were all new once
also... this one is a bit more controversial... as tempting as it is to go to a club with another couple/s... I would say don't! reason being you tend to put yourself in a little bubble, and it can make you harder to approach, even if it just to say hello..... I think you'd get a better feel going by yoursleves...
oh... and just because people talk to you.. it isn't a first gambit to play!! lol i have seen so many people scowl when people approach a good first impression goes a long long way...... |
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"Thanks for all the early morning replys, we are taking these tips into consideration!
we keep getting told not to be d*unk, however is getting tipsy fine?
Making a codeword is a great idea and will definitely be using it!
Are people along more understanding than usual at a swingers club? They won't get annoyed if they get turned down right?
Thanks again,
J & S
X
"
You'll always get the odd one now and again, but most of the time, yes, people who go to clubs understand rejection is a perfectly acceptable outcome.
"most" people respect that you may not be for them or vice versa. We've had it where it's obvious (again it's rare you need to put it into words - body language says a lot!) that we're not for someone/couple and gone our separate ways, only to meet up again 2 hours later and have a right giggle.
Alcohol, be careful. We enjoy a drink but there is nothing worse than nervous energy to make you drink faster!
Hands up, first time in a club we both drank way too much. Not proud of it and we were probably a bit if a mess. It's not attractive and the last thing you want is waking up with regrets. We were lucky, it was a very respectful club and apart from a sore head, woke up with some great memories.
Having a few to relax is fine - make a point, religiously the first time you go, to have a bottle of water between drinks. It just focuses you.
We tend to do that if visiting a new club
Most of all, the same rules apply in a club as they do in the street - and most understand this.
In the last 3 years, the most I've had to say to anyone during public play us "not now please" and most will not push it.
Enjoy it, and mingle. Everyone is there for a good night out. Sexual or otherwise.
D&K. |
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It appears that there is beginning to be the makings of good advice from these answers. So time to put my oar in !
Drink – as mentioned be very careful – usually its not a problem and a lot of people think they need the dutch courage to get through the door – remember however that a) a d*unk person is seldom sexy and b) if you have d*unk to lose inhibitions you may well regret what you did the next morning !!
Agree between yourselves what you are happy with doing – some just soft play some go at it like hammer and tongs – it will be up to you both to decide comfort levels ( One odd one I have come across is ‘anal is for my partner only’ made clear before play even started – each to their own I was a tad taken aback but it was fine by me as its not a big deal ! ) – so people do set limits ! Also decide if one of you is going to ‘take one for the team’ (not to be recommended – but sometimes needs must
Getting a code work to use if you want the others attention is a great idea but quite hard to drop into conversation as mentioned. There are usually easy phrases to use to show intention – ‘are you guys playing tonight ?’ = fancy a shag. ‘Were not playing yet were just having a look around’ = bugger off you smell – you get the idea. If you are mid play in reasonable openness and you feel an unwanted hand then move away and make it obvious – hopefully the hint will be taken and the ‘FUCK OFF’ option is avoided.
If you have started playing with a couple / group but you want out – then it’s easier to say ‘Wow its hot I need some air / I need a drink this is thirsty work’
Main advice is go in look around then discuss your options with each other – don’t expect to play on first visit as the nerves may well get the better of you. Be polite and sociable – eye contact goes a long way but remember when couple play with couples there are a lot of combinations to get right
And one final thing as you’re not after extra guys then go on a couples only night – may be easier !
Main thing is enjoy ......
Alan
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are a young couple, and at some point during June, we will be visiting our first swingers club. (But we don't know what to expect )
We would simply like to ask the lovely community of fab about their experiences, how was their first time and what should we be aware of.
How do you politely break it down to someone that you are not interested?
And basic info we should need to know about.
If anyone is bored and has the time, making a small little mini 101 guide would be amazing! (But only if you really wanted, it would be much appreciated!)
Thank you in advance!
J & S
x "
First thing we'd recommend when trying a club for the first time was meet a couple or two that you've been chatting to on here and ask them along (which is what we did) then at least you have people there you can break the ice with and also incase there's no one there your Attracted to
Also just go there with an open mind and just treat it like a normal bar and go for the banter and a few drinks and if anything naughty happens well then that's a bonus |
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Thanks again for all the helpful information you have helped us a lot more than you might think you have
I really like the "Treat it as a normal bar and if anything sexy happens that's a bonus"
You guys have also warned me of the odd balls that don't take no for an answer :/ Hopefully we can avoid this...
Keep drinking to a minimum, take breaks and drink water to keep yourself focused is another one i got from you guys
I also liked the "common phrases" alaninuk provided, if you could state anymore of these that we could pick up or get hints from people without being too oblivious that would be awesome! I'll make a summary guide for my self based on all this information and I might put it up on here as another thread.
Thanks again you guys have been great
J & S
x |
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I might have missed it in the thread but one of ours was:
Discuss what you want to do before you go. Be very clear with each other, open and honest, as you need to be doing this as a couple. Then when you get to the club stick to what you have discussed and agree prior that this will only change between club visits/meets when more private discussion away from the play environment is able to happen.
One part of a couple expanding boundaries or claiming miss-understanding on the night can cause a lot of problems and embarrassment for all involved.
Oh and definitely supporting what others have said on the drink issue.
We have an alcoholic drink and then an alternate water/soft drink between each of those throughout the night, keeps us well within our sensible limits.
The first time was nerve racking for us but as soon as we had walked in we wondered what all the fuss was about. It is not as hard as you might think.
Oh and go on a couples and single girls only night for your first time out
Good luck Sexies xxx |
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