FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Left leaving annoyed
Left leaving annoyed
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Good day
We went out clubbing on Saturday night and had a good time, apart from one or two little things which are chewing away at me.
when we walk into a club, all eyes fall on my partner which is perfectly fine until people push their luck, we were happily enjoying each other in a room until I hear a voice tell some bloke not to touch as they havnt been invited. I hadn't even noticed him reach out, look up and there he is, old enough to be my grandad, stood far to close. We simply move on.
Then an older lady asks if she can touch my partners breasts, sure that's not a problem.
what is a problem is when she squeezes her nipples so hard i can see the discomfort in her face and then move southbound and starts with the roughest oral i have ever seen. I had to break this up and again move on. My partner didn't consent to that!
By the end of the night we were having fun with the right people, bit of an audience had gathered and when we were finished and getting ourselves together the same bloke from earlier starts touching my partners legs and god knows were. I thought she said yes to him, but when i asked her on the drive home she hadn't given permission, by this point i was fuming, both with them and at myself for not thinking straight.
Aside from this we did have fun, but the lasting effect of these intrusions are more memorable than the good times we had
rant over, lessons will be learnt! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We find most people are great and wait to be invited. There's always the odd one or two that just push their way in. I can understand how you feel. Live and learn from it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We find most people are great and wait to be invited. There's always the odd one or two that just push their way in. I can understand how you feel. Live and learn from it. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear you had a bad time,unfortunately with open room play,you will come across people like this,you just have to be firm and say no,if too pushy then stop the situation,as a woman alone i have to do this and have no problems
Some men and even woman in your case can get alittle overexcited and pushy,either deal with it at time or go to private or viewing room where there looking but cant reach,dont let it put you off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone "
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do believe its totally wrong for people to touch without being invite. I personally don't play in open areas. I do play in couples rooms where there are other couples. If someone tried touching me they would get told. Same if someone was doing something to me that I didnt like I would say something but that goes in any situation. I have been a fair few times to a club but I wouldn't say I was a regular or very experienced but I have a Tongue in my mouth and I use it not just to give oral! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I will have to be more firm against them, partner was really upset about it.
Other experiences at clubs have always been good.
Edit on title, left feeling annoyed, silly me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry "
Ditto from me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry couple typos heres edited version.
Guess the message from reading other posters experience is to be direct, tell them exactly what you do or do not want, dont assume people will do the right thing and behave as youd expect, passions are high and people get carried away, its a shame to leave a potentially good evening with regrets just for the sake of not speaking up, must say from our few visits to clubs we have never experienced this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why didn't your partner say anything to these people at the time?I was thinking the same, I always make it clear very loudly if attention is unwanted  "
this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will have to be more firm against them, partner was really upset about it.
Other experiences at clubs have always been good.
Edit on title, left feeling annoyed, silly me. "
You say YOU will have to be more firm, can I suggest its your partner that needs to speak up if she isn't happy with anything. You are there for your enjoyment so please don't let others spoil it for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One reason i dont go to clubs either, as a single guy, i find it a bit creepy that singles of both sexes are milling about waiting to pounce, and i escorted ladies to clubs before on the rare occasion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good day
We went out clubbing on Saturday night and had a good time, apart from one or two little things which are chewing away at me.
when we walk into a club, all eyes fall on my partner which is perfectly fine until people push their luck, we were happily enjoying each other in a room until I hear a voice tell some bloke not to touch as they havnt been invited. I hadn't even noticed him reach out, look up and there he is, old enough to be my grandad, stood far to close. We simply move on.
Then an older lady asks if she can touch my partners breasts, sure that's not a problem.
what is a problem is when she squeezes her nipples so hard i can see the discomfort in her face and then move southbound and starts with the roughest oral i have ever seen. I had to break this up and again move on. My partner didn't consent to that!
By the end of the night we were having fun with the right people, bit of an audience had gathered and when we were finished and getting ourselves together the same bloke from earlier starts touching my partners legs and god knows were. I thought she said yes to him, but when i asked her on the drive home she hadn't given permission, by this point i was fuming, both with them and at myself for not thinking straight.
Aside from this we did have fun, but the lasting effect of these intrusions are more memorable than the good times we had
rant over, lessons will be learnt!"
This can be an issue at "some" clubs.
Thankfully not all - at VA we have never had anything go on untowards - perhaps by very nature of they way it's run, the floor and play areas areas are moderated and the types of people it attracts.
You need to be very vocal with each other first and foremost. You BOTH have to agree anything that happens, just so you know what is what.
You BOTH also need be very vocal to others, especially those that you wish to join you or not and what you want from the situation you are in.
We have a rule of Miss says what she wants and Mr backs her up. The female is always in charge, and she should have the power unless your play is sub/dom orientated.
We have had many chats on the way home, and a number of unfortunate memorable occasions we wish to forget.. it where you learn to walk in the lifestyle.
Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just say no
Both of you
If you can't you shouldn't be going or should be playing in private rooms
If you say no and someone carries on tell club staff they will deal with it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why didn't your partner say anything to these people at the time?I was thinking the same, I always make it clear very loudly if attention is unwanted "
Some newbies find it very hard to be overtly open when they are uncomfortable, and rely on their partner.
It's a lesson to be learned, to be more pro active and vocal in your displeasure.
The real issue is perhaps experienced others taking advantage of newbies.
Experienced others should always ask you if you are ok with something or it's ok to touch, touch elsewhere etc, otherwise keep away from them, for the do not have your best interests at heart.
Personally we like to talk with playmates.. learn what they like and enjoy and what does it for them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Do you make a habit of punching people ?  "
Why do you think I have rope in my fun bag? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Do you make a habit of punching people ?
Why do you think I have rope in my fun bag? "
Im very scared now,,,,very very scared  |
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Might I suggest that if it happens again, with a single guy then politely ask him to please stop what he's doing. Ifhe doesn't, or there's a repeat of it layer, simply up sticks to bar/reception area and inform a member of staff. I've done this myself 3 times in 20 years in different clubs and every time it has resulted on the man being ejected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would expect persistent offenders be banned for life. I would want to feel totally safe in any situation. I've heard stories that men are happy to move between women without changing a condom. I would want a way of reporting those men as they are putting me at risk |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
Although I usually go to clubs on my own, if I am there with a guy or another woman its nice to have them there as back-up keeping an eye on things - but at the end of the day its up to ME to say what Im happy with and what Im not happy with.
The biggest majority of people act in a decent way but you have to be prepared to deal with anyone who oversteps the mark. Personally if I didnt feel confident enough to do that then I wouldnt be going to clubs and putting myself in that situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would expect persistent offenders be banned for life. I would want to feel totally safe in any situation. I've heard stories that men are happy to move between women without changing a condom. I would want a way of reporting those men as they are putting me at risk"
Some people have no morals or shame when they do things like that |
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Have experienced this in clubs, usually on mixed nights, never had unwanted attentions from females, its usually single males and occasionally the male half of couples (who are wandering free) that have pushed their luck by going touchy feely without permission. Usually all it takes is a "look" but if they are purposely avoiding eye contact then invading hands or fingers have been grabbed and rotated the opposite way to which nature intended. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh, BTW - kinkikay
Nice looking couple
 "
Well thank you very much
Most of the responses here suggest the same thing, communication! Between each other and those around us.
Failing that get a member of staff and have them ejected.
To answer the question why my partner didn't stop them, I think it is because she didn't expect it! We let our guard down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why didn't your partner say anything to these people at the time?I was thinking the same, I always make it clear very loudly if attention is unwanted
Some newbies find it very hard to be overtly open when they are uncomfortable, and rely on their partner.
It's a lesson to be learned, to be more pro active and vocal in your displeasure.
The real issue is perhaps experienced others taking advantage of newbies.
Experienced others should always ask you if you are ok with something or it's ok to touch, touch elsewhere etc, otherwise keep away from them, for the do not have your best interests at heart.
Personally we like to talk with playmates.. learn what they like and enjoy and what does it for them.
"
I like this answer spot on! Regardless as to whether you have a tongue in your head or not if you haven't invited someone they shouldn't be touching you. I think this is disgusting and would definitely put me off going to a club.
The attitude that she should have told them is almost as bad as the act itself. They are wrong not her.
Just my opinion though
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I find it helps when playing in open rooms to make sure you're more than arms reach from the side of the bed. This means someone would have to climb onto the bed to start touching and that is much more obvious than someone reaching over for a grope.
I favour the loud telling off. I stay calm and I don't shout, I just tell them off in a very nannyish way which draws all attention to them. If all else fails I appeal to the silent watchers to deal with the person on the basis that I'll get dressed in a minute and no-one will have anything to watch. They deal with the offender for me!
Having said all this it's rare for me to get groped in clubs. The OP and his partner seem to have had the attentions of one numpty who needed shaming and of one woman who needed clarification on how your partner prefers to be touched. Don't let this taint your opinion of clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why didn't your partner say anything to these people at the time?I was thinking the same, I always make it clear very loudly if attention is unwanted
Some newbies find it very hard to be overtly open when they are uncomfortable, and rely on their partner.
It's a lesson to be learned, to be more pro active and vocal in your displeasure.
The real issue is perhaps experienced others taking advantage of newbies.
Experienced others should always ask you if you are ok with something or it's ok to touch, touch elsewhere etc, otherwise keep away from them, for the do not have your best interests at heart.
Personally we like to talk with playmates.. learn what they like and enjoy and what does it for them.
I like this answer spot on! Regardless as to whether you have a tongue in your head or not if you haven't invited someone they shouldn't be touching you. I think this is disgusting and would definitely put me off going to a club.
The attitude that she should have told them is almost as bad as the act itself. They are wrong not her.
Just my opinion though
"
I think you are mistaking what people mean when they say she should have spoken up. They don't mean she was in the wrong, of course she wasn't. She needs to be able to to tell someone to back off because, although it's lovely that her partner is watching out for her, he doesn't have eyes in the back of his head. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why didn't your partner say anything to these people at the time?I was thinking the same, I always make it clear very loudly if attention is unwanted
Some newbies find it very hard to be overtly open when they are uncomfortable, and rely on their partner.
It's a lesson to be learned, to be more pro active and vocal in your displeasure.
The real issue is perhaps experienced others taking advantage of newbies.
Experienced others should always ask you if you are ok with something or it's ok to touch, touch elsewhere etc, otherwise keep away from them, for the do not have your best interests at heart.
Personally we like to talk with playmates.. learn what they like and enjoy and what does it for them.
I like this answer spot on! Regardless as to whether you have a tongue in your head or not if you haven't invited someone they shouldn't be touching you. I think this is disgusting and would definitely put me off going to a club.
The attitude that she should have told them is almost as bad as the act itself. They are wrong not her.
Just my opinion though
I think you are mistaking what people mean when they say she should have spoken up. They don't mean she was in the wrong, of course she wasn't. She needs to be able to to tell someone to back off because, although it's lovely that her partner is watching out for her, he doesn't have eyes in the back of his head."
Ah Ok well possibly. If so fair enough. Didn't read that way though.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry
Ditto from me too "
I think I'll start up a new business as a 'club chaperone' for you single ladies.
You'll be safe in my hands. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not everyone has the confidence to say NO and as a result can get in a pickle.There can be a "love the one you grab"mentality at clubs. Everyone has their own tolerance levels but rules and boundaries are there for a reason.
Hope it goes great next time.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try to turn it into a positive and not feel bad about it. Your partner now knows that people might do things she doesn't like, and you might not see to be able to help her. So she now knows she has to speak up.
What would she do if she was in a shop and someone touched her that way? Presumably she wouldn't just say nothing at all.
Hope she's ok. Not everyone is like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are each responsible for our own wellbeing and bodies, your partner may have been taken by surprise by the discomfort of the other woman's touch but will have to develop the confidence to say "no or don't" if you are going to continue playing at clubs. Either that or as some have suggested avoid playing in open rooms.
Fortunately in most situations these instances are the exception but awareness and being assertive are key to getting the best out of the experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it helps when playing in open rooms to make sure you're more than arms reach from the side of the bed. This means someone would have to climb onto the bed to start touching and that is much more obvious than someone reaching over for a grope.
I favour the loud telling off. I stay calm and I don't shout, I just tell them off in a very nannyish way which draws all attention to them. If all else fails I appeal to the silent watchers to deal with the person on the basis that I'll get dressed in a minute and no-one will have anything to watch. They deal with the offender for me!
Having said all this it's rare for me to get groped in clubs. The OP and his partner seem to have had the attentions of one numpty who needed shaming and of one woman who needed clarification on how your partner prefers to be touched. Don't let this taint your opinion of clubs. "
would love to be a fly on the wall when you're at a club ! No nonsense lady, I like it |
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We have been in your situation and I think a lot of it is to do with being younger and over awed at things this married with maybe a slightly poor choice in first club.
Our first visit we were over awed we had not set down clear code words between us to let us know when to play or not and we got bamboozeld into a situation much like this. However we realised that to be part of this scene and clubs we would have to be firm and have tried to be ever since.
It is I'm afraid the one downside to all of this especially at your age but set your code words (so you know if you want to play or not) and be very firm, its better to not play with anyone than play with someone you will regret.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry
Ditto from me too "
Considering the OP even acknowledged in his opening post that they normally have no problems, it amazes me that people dismiss clubs so quickly when incidents like this are extremely rare.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some really good advice in this thread and OP dont be put of by whats happened it is rare as most are respectful
One thing i will say though ( mentioned briefly earlier ) is these incidents should be reported to management where necessary so appropriate action can be taken
Good luck in the future OP |
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"I find it helps when playing in open rooms to make sure you're more than arms reach from the side of the bed. This means someone would have to climb onto the bed to start touching and that is much more obvious than someone reaching over for a grope.
I favour the loud telling off. I stay calm and I don't shout, I just tell them off in a very nannyish way which draws all attention to them. If all else fails I appeal to the silent watchers to deal with the person on the basis that I'll get dressed in a minute and no-one will have anything to watch. They deal with the offender for me!
Having said all this it's rare for me to get groped in clubs. The OP and his partner seem to have had the attentions of one numpty who needed shaming and of one woman who needed clarification on how your partner prefers to be touched. Don't let this taint your opinion of clubs.
would love to be a fly on the wall when you're at a club ! No nonsense lady, I like it "
It's quite impressive how withering a firm "did I ask you to do that? So why did you? Huh? Explain yourself. You do realise you're spoiling it for everybody else so you'd better have a good reason" is!
The club I frequent gives all newbies a tour and explains all the rules so there's no excuse for bad behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good day
We went out clubbing on Saturday night and had a good time, apart from one or two little things which are chewing away at me.
when we walk into a club, all eyes fall on my partner which is perfectly fine until people push their luck, we were happily enjoying each other in a room until I hear a voice tell some bloke not to touch as they havnt been invited. I hadn't even noticed him reach out, look up and there he is, old enough to be my grandad, stood far to close. We simply move on.
Then an older lady asks if she can touch my partners breasts, sure that's not a problem.
what is a problem is when she squeezes her nipples so hard i can see the discomfort in her face and then move southbound and starts with the roughest oral i have ever seen. I had to break this up and again move on. My partner didn't consent to that!
By the end of the night we were having fun with the right people, bit of an audience had gathered and when we were finished and getting ourselves together the same bloke from earlier starts touching my partners legs and god knows were. I thought she said yes to him, but when i asked her on the drive home she hadn't given permission, by this point i was fuming, both with them and at myself for not thinking straight.
Aside from this we did have fun, but the lasting effect of these intrusions are more memorable than the good times we had
rant over, lessons will be learnt!"
OP focus on the last 4 words and you'll be fine
It's a learning curve I think most regular club goers will admit you learn a lot on how to react to situations and how to read each others signals over time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry
Ditto from me too
Considering the OP even acknowledged in his opening post that they normally have no problems, it amazes me that people dismiss clubs so quickly when incidents like this are extremely rare.
"
I'm using more than this post to make my decision. I'm toying with the idea of visiting a club and read reviews,forum posts and experiences of friends and acquaintances. Before I go,if I go, I want to be absolutely sure I won't come away regretting it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry
Ditto from me too
Considering the OP even acknowledged in his opening post that they normally have no problems, it amazes me that people dismiss clubs so quickly when incidents like this are extremely rare.
I'm using more than this post to make my decision. I'm toying with the idea of visiting a club and read reviews,forum posts and experiences of friends and acquaintances. Before I go,if I go, I want to be absolutely sure I won't come away regretting it"
They are full of perverts like me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the vast majority behave but nearly everytime there is one who tries his luck
last time we went a club a lad kept following us around and sitting watching us to the point she wanted to leave.
i told him to clear off and stop following,he left without saying a word.
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It's easy to find the right people if you stay in control of your surroundings, rather than them putting you at disadvantage.
Consider chatting first with those who could be good matches. You can discuss what you'd like, before moving to your play area.
As you said you also got good play, then consider what it was that you did that allowed those to work differently.
Overall, keep yourselves prepared for the unexpected and do what you can to readily curtain anything in the bud that you don't want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry
Ditto from me too
Considering the OP even acknowledged in his opening post that they normally have no problems, it amazes me that people dismiss clubs so quickly when incidents like this are extremely rare.
I'm using more than this post to make my decision. I'm toying with the idea of visiting a club and read reviews,forum posts and experiences of friends and acquaintances. Before I go,if I go, I want to be absolutely sure I won't come away regretting it
They are full of perverts like me "
Promise? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We went to Abfabs for new years eve. While in the dark room, which is couples only, a single guy (who must have been part of a couple as single guys were not allowed that night) kept coming in and trying to touch. After being told 3 times to get out he came back for one last try. Tried to touch D so she pushed him over. He didnt come back again. Some guys spoil it for others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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problem is, when in a group situation, hands go everywhere, and people seem to think that, because you are there and naked, you are fair game, not so much to fuck, but possibly to touch/stroke and so on.
its up to you to be aware of your surroundings, not to play in an open area, or make it known to those that arent wanted in the first place.
we are still unsure about clubs as there have been aspects of it that we have really enjoyed, and some not so much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry
Ditto from me too
Considering the OP even acknowledged in his opening post that they normally have no problems, it amazes me that people dismiss clubs so quickly when incidents like this are extremely rare.
I'm using more than this post to make my decision. I'm toying with the idea of visiting a club and read reviews,forum posts and experiences of friends and acquaintances. Before I go,if I go, I want to be absolutely sure I won't come away regretting it
They are full of perverts like me
Promise? "
Yes |
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry
Ditto from me too
Considering the OP even acknowledged in his opening post that they normally have no problems, it amazes me that people dismiss clubs so quickly when incidents like this are extremely rare.
I'm using more than this post to make my decision. I'm toying with the idea of visiting a club and read reviews,forum posts and experiences of friends and acquaintances. Before I go,if I go, I want to be absolutely sure I won't come away regretting it"
Go with another single fem, preferably one who knows that club. You can advertise in the Meet Requests and Parties forum for a club buddy. |
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By *teed99Man
over a year ago
Kettering |
"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
we always find the older men spoil the night, sad but in our case true..connie x"
Fortunately not true in every case especially at VA's where it's all open play, as mentioned in a previous post. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been to clubs with my buddy DJ, we have had very few issues with people trying to push things & we mainly attend greedy girls nights & so long as everyone communicates its all good |
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"Might I suggest that if it happens again, with a single guy then politely ask him to please stop what he's doing. Ifhe doesn't, or there's a repeat of it layer, simply up sticks to bar/reception area and inform a member of staff. I've done this myself 3 times in 20 years in different clubs and every time it has resulted on the man being ejected. "
I agree 100%... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
Same here..couldn't have some random bloke touching me like that and not getting angry
Ditto from me too
Considering the OP even acknowledged in his opening post that they normally have no problems, it amazes me that people dismiss clubs so quickly when incidents like this are extremely rare.
I'm using more than this post to make my decision. I'm toying with the idea of visiting a club and read reviews,forum posts and experiences of friends and acquaintances. Before I go,if I go, I want to be absolutely sure I won't come away regretting it
They are full of perverts like me
Promise?
Yes "
see you there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we were thinking of going to a club but wont bother if thats what happens seriously dont want my partner getting mauled unless she says yes"
I used to feel exactly the same way and thought I'd never be persuaded otherwise but have been to several clubs now...haven't always played but never had any real issues with uninvited touching...I think it's been a combination of choosing the right events at the right places but also not getting so caught up in play that you lose an overall awareness of your surroundings and what is happening around you...some clubs work very hard to get the mix right and the right people in through the door...others, not so much...which is why we didn't play there |
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"If your afraid to say no or stop clubs probably aren't for you in fact swinging probably isn't for you "
A sensible approach to the problem.
If you play in an open room expect to be touched. Expect to be touched until you say stop. Then expect it to stop. If you can't say no, or don't want to be touched, then don't play in an open room but choose who you want to play with and go to a private room and lock the door.
We've been clubbing for 14 years, usually at least once a week, been to over 40 different clubs and have only ever needed to complain to staff once - that was a single woman who wouldn't take multiple nos for an answer.
The club scene isn't for everyone, and it shouldn't have to change to accomodate everyone. If you don't like how it works, don't go - simples.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your afraid to say no or stop clubs probably aren't for you in fact swinging probably isn't for you
A sensible approach to the problem.
If you play in an open room expect to be touched. Expect to be touched until you say stop. Then expect it to stop. If you can't say no, or don't want to be touched, then don't play in an open room but choose who you want to play with and go to a private room and lock the door.
We've been clubbing for 14 years, usually at least once a week, been to over 40 different clubs and have only ever needed to complain to staff once - that was a single woman who wouldn't take multiple nos for an answer.
The club scene isn't for everyone, and it shouldn't have to change to accomodate everyone. If you don't like how it works, don't go - simples.
"
I couldn't of put it any better myself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it helps when playing in open rooms to make sure you're more than arms reach from the side of the bed. This means someone would have to climb onto the bed to start touching and that is much more obvious than someone reaching over for a grope.
I favour the loud telling off. I stay calm and I don't shout, I just tell them off in a very nannyish way which draws all attention to them. If all else fails I appeal to the silent watchers to deal with the person on the basis that I'll get dressed in a minute and no-one will have anything to watch. They deal with the offender for me!
Having said all this it's rare for me to get groped in clubs. The OP and his partner seem to have had the attentions of one numpty who needed shaming and of one woman who needed clarification on how your partner prefers to be touched. Don't let this taint your opinion of clubs.
would love to be a fly on the wall when you're at a club ! No nonsense lady, I like it
It's quite impressive how withering a firm "did I ask you to do that? So why did you? Huh? Explain yourself. You do realise you're spoiling it for everybody else so you'd better have a good reason" is!
The club I frequent gives all newbies a tour and explains all the rules so there's no excuse for bad behaviour. "
Haha I know the club you speak of and I constantly see bad things in there stopped going became a joke to be fair |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I respect people and I expect them to respect me.
I say thanks but no thanks on a club or wherever and I expect that's taken as a no.
Lately in the chat rooms of late I see this as a opening ground for augments and the likes to the point it's now put me off!!!
The last few clubs I have been to mainly xtasia I HAVE HAD NO ISSUES
If you can't open your mouth say no then swinging is not for you! |
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By *quirrelMan
over a year ago
East Manchester |
Having been in the same situation with some of the ladies I have had the pleasure of accompanying in the past I know how you feel as some of them will not put themselves through the discomfort of being pawed and abused again, looking at your ladies pics I can see she is a very attractive woman and would appeal to a great many others if they had the chance to meet her.
My suggestion is that you if you want a no obligation to play with others venue go to a club or a small organised meets where only couples and single ladies are invited.
Cupids has a couples and single ladies only night which my partners have no problem with, but, any club which allows single guys entrance is strictly a no go area.
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"Having been in the same situation with some of the ladies I have had the pleasure of accompanying in the past I know how you feel as some of them will not put themselves through the discomfort of being pawed and abused again, looking at your ladies pics I can see she is a very attractive woman and would appeal to a great many others if they had the chance to meet her.
My suggestion is that you if you want a no obligation to play with others venue go to a club or a small organised meets where only couples and single ladies are invited.
Cupids has a couples and single ladies only night which my partners have no problem with, but, any club which allows single guys entrance is strictly a no go area.
"
Just cos someone's part of a couple doesn't mean they automatically have better manners you know. |
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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago
Dublin and London |
"Having been in the same situation with some of the ladies I have had the pleasure of accompanying in the past I know how you feel as some of them will not put themselves through the discomfort of being pawed and abused again, looking at your ladies pics I can see she is a very attractive woman and would appeal to a great many others if they had the chance to meet her.
My suggestion is that you if you want a no obligation to play with others venue go to a club or a small organised meets where only couples and single ladies are invited.
Cupids has a couples and single ladies only night which my partners have no problem with, but, any club which allows single guys entrance is strictly a no go area.
"
One of the people they had an issue with was a woman? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reminds of some guy that stuck his cock in my wife uninvited just because we'd talked to him an hour previously at the bar, as soon as she realised who it was she made it clear he wasn't welcome. I'm fairly sure there's a legal term for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Just cos someone's part of a couple doesn't mean they automatically have better manners you know. "
Plus its not always single men, woman can be just as bad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Just cos someone's part of a couple doesn't mean they automatically have better manners you know.
Plus its not always single men, woman can be just as bad"
Only time either of us have received unwanted attention was at the xtasia social when a woman (not linked to the social) felt it was okay to grab my crotch as I walked passed on the stairs. Pretty sure she'd have objected to me randomly molesting her. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all the support
Again to answer questions why she didn't tell them to stop, she hasn't had to before as we havnt experienced anything like it before.
Learning how to say NO is the next steps |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the support
Again to answer questions why she didn't tell them to stop, she hasn't had to before as we havnt experienced anything like it before.
Learning how to say NO is the next steps"
Excellent post. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having been in the same situation with some of the ladies I have had the pleasure of accompanying in the past I know how you feel as some of them will not put themselves through the discomfort of being pawed and abused again, looking at your ladies pics I can see she is a very attractive woman and would appeal to a great many others if they had the chance to meet her.
My suggestion is that you if you want a no obligation to play with others venue go to a club or a small organised meets where only couples and single ladies are invited.
Cupids has a couples and single ladies only night which my partners have no problem with, but, any club which allows single guys entrance is strictly a no go area.
Just cos someone's part of a couple doesn't mean they automatically have better manners you know. "
Often worse!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the support
Again to answer questions why she didn't tell them to stop, she hasn't had to before as we havnt experienced anything like it before.
Learning how to say NO is the next steps"
What would she do if she was walking down the street and someone touched her that way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Just cos someone's part of a couple doesn't mean they automatically have better manners you know.
Plus its not always single men, woman can be just as bad
Only time either of us have received unwanted attention was at the xtasia social when a woman (not linked to the social) felt it was okay to grab my crotch as I walked passed on the stairs. Pretty sure she'd have objected to me randomly molesting her. "
anywhere else that would have been sexual assault. Why do people think because of where you are it's ok. Was she d*unk? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the support
Again to answer questions why she didn't tell them to stop, she hasn't had to before as we havnt experienced anything like it before.
Learning how to say NO is the next steps
What would she do if she was walking down the street and someone touched her that way?"
I can't answer that for her, i can't guess her reaction at the moment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Just cos someone's part of a couple doesn't mean they automatically have better manners you know.
Plus its not always single men, woman can be just as bad
Only time either of us have received unwanted attention was at the xtasia social when a woman (not linked to the social) felt it was okay to grab my crotch as I walked passed on the stairs. Pretty sure she'd have objected to me randomly molesting her.
anywhere else that would have been sexual assault. Why do people think because of where you are it's ok. Was she d*unk? "
She probably thought it was ok as it was 2wheels she was grabbing. Some women seem to think that because they're women it's ok to behave in this way. I've had a woman grab me and she seemed genuinely confused when I expressed how unhappy I was and asked her if it would be ok for a random person to do that to her. If 2wheels had done that to her, he would have been permanently banned from Xtasia (and quite rightly so in my opinion) but why does she get away with it because she is a woman?!
And yes, she was d*unk but it's no excuse as it wouldn't be an excuse for a guy if he had done that to a lady.
It's a good thing I wasn't there to witness it otherwise I would have had words with her and bought it to the owners attention.
crystal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"More reasons for me to not go to a club. I'd end up punching someone
nothing wrong with punching a guy if he pushes his luck , he deserves it"
Actually there is.  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
sometimes you have to remember that if you are adult enough to be in a club, then you should be adult enough to someone "no thank you"... and they should be adult enough to accept it....
I am a fan of someone saying no thank you just loudly enough so others can hear it ... because it gets the message across and others around then pay more attention.....
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your afraid to say no or stop clubs probably aren't for you in fact swinging probably isn't for you
A sensible approach to the problem.
If you play in an open room expect to be touched. Expect to be touched until you say stop. Then expect it to stop. If you can't say no, or don't want to be touched, then don't play in an open room but choose who you want to play with and go to a private room and lock the door.
We've been clubbing for 14 years, usually at least once a week, been to over 40 different clubs and have only ever needed to complain to staff once - that was a single woman who wouldn't take multiple nos for an answer.
The club scene isn't for everyone, and it shouldn't have to change to accomodate everyone. If you don't like how it works, don't go - simples.
"
We've played in open rooms and I would absolutely not expect to be touched without inviting someone to do so... |
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"If your afraid to say no or stop clubs probably aren't for you in fact swinging probably isn't for you "
That’s a bit harsh… is it not? People express their interest in swinging because they like sex with more people, but if you are saying that you should be more tough / rough to attend “some” clubs than I can understand where you are coming from |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have just as much chance of being groped by a d*unken arse in a crowded pub or a nightclub as you have in a swingers club.
In fact there is probably a tad more etiquette and consensual communication in a swingers club.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I used to play at chams I found it was easier to take two guys into a playroom so I had both areas covered well that is my excuse lol so if someone wanted to join in then they would have to ask. Or if someone must persist in touching without asking a simple fuck off will suffice well they did have enough warning x |
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It sadden me to witness an attractive and young couple being put off from the swinging scene with a bad experience in a Club to the point of deleting their profile from Fabswingers for lack of moral support.
I do not know how everyone feels about this but I think we should encourage newbies and welcome them to the Swinging Scene and we should always respect peoples’ sexual boundaries as indeed we all want to have fun, but everyone has limits and these limits are not always as you might assume them to be.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It sadden me to witness an attractive and young couple being put off from the swinging scene with a bad experience in a Club to the point of deleting their profile from Fabswingers for lack of moral support.
I do not know how everyone feels about this but I think we should encourage newbies and welcome them to the Swinging Scene and we should always respect peoples’ sexual boundaries as indeed we all want to have fun, but everyone has limits and these limits are not always as you might assume them to be.
"
+1 this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"sometimes you have to remember that if you are adult enough to be in a club, then you should be adult enough to someone "no thank you"... and they should be adult enough to accept it....
I am a fan of someone saying no thank you just loudly enough so others can hear it ... because it gets the message across and others around then pay more attention.....
"
what he said |
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"sometimes you have to remember that if you are adult enough to be in a club, then you should be adult enough to someone "no thank you"... and they should be adult enough to accept it....
I am a fan of someone saying no thank you just loudly enough so others can hear it ... because it gets the message across and others around then pay more attention.....
what he said "
There is a clear distinction between Sex and appreciating a Woman; the first is pure selfishness, the latter is respect for the opposite sex to always ensure that everything you do is consensual. Sadly some people are in the scene as a cheap entrance to a bordello and with your comment we know exactly where you belong! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"sometimes you have to remember that if you are adult enough to be in a club, then you should be adult enough to someone "no thank you"... and they should be adult enough to accept it....
I am a fan of someone saying no thank you just loudly enough so others can hear it ... because it gets the message across and others around then pay more attention.....
what he said
There is a clear distinction between Sex and appreciating a Woman; the first is pure selfishness, the latter is respect for the opposite sex to always ensure that everything you do is consensual. Sadly some people are in the scene as a cheap entrance to a bordello and with your comment we know exactly where you belong!"
LOL.
We've been attending clubs and house parties years.
She plays more than I do. I live with a woman that gives me permission to play with whom I want, when I want, if I want. And that has female friends that would play with me solo, should I wish. (I have actually done so previously)
Driving to clubs and parties is not something we do as a cheap 'bordello'
Its something we do as and when we want, and even then we are not performing seals so are happy to just chat, enjoy a jacuzzi/sauna or more if it tickles our fancy at the time
In every walk of life, you will come across people that will try something you dislike. As responsible adults We each take responsibility, so if we dont feel comfortable or dont want to do something, we say so.
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