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non player partner
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My husband plays on his own as I can't be arsed with all the getting yanked about /squashed/ generally treated like meat that swinging involves.
As you can see he does'nt hide his fab antics from me. He does'nt drive and needs lifts to clubs.I am happy to take him to Paradise in Donny or Xotic and sit in a corner with me Kindle while he does what boys do but he thinks peeps will think I'm rude not playing.Well I'm 54, no Taylor Swift so I don't think I'm depriving anyone. What's the rule here? |
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"My husband plays on his own as I can't be arsed with all the getting yanked about /squashed/ generally treated like meat that swinging involves.
"
Did you have a bad experience?
Never felt i've been treated like meat.
Each to their own, but why not join in and enjoy it with him? x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you've had a bad time at swingers clubs , try some privet party's , however that said , swapping and swinging isent for Everone , no one says you have to enjoy it even if your old man dose , maybe you should tell him to get a cab or even better , use his time to give you a good time kind reguards John x |
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"What's the rule here?" you ask.
Not sure if there really is a rule as such but the way we see it is simple.
If you go to an open club night (singles and couples) then we wouldn't have a problem with what you do, we know one or two couples ourselves that do similar.
However what we don't agree with is a guy taking his wife, G/F Etc. to a couples only night then her sitting in the corner while he plays (or tries to) as a single guy. It's generally known as "taking a ticket" and we've seen it cause trouble a couple of times. |
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"If you've had a bad time at swingers clubs , try some privet party's , however that said , swapping and swinging isent for Everone , no one says you have to enjoy it even if your old man dose , maybe you should tell him to get a cab or even better , use his time to give you a good time kind reguards John x"
some good advice here.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest if I was in a club and someone was reading and clearly not wanting to be there to the extent they wouldn't even socialize I wpuldn't like it at all. And i can't imagine many club owners would either.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Okay reading your first post.. I am going to say that you seem to think that your nothing special.. THATs a awful way to think of yourself.. and I have to say that if your thinking like that.. I can not imagine sitting in the corner will do your confidence any favours.
Also WHY you feel that you will be treated like meat needs to be addressed for your own self worth.. as I wouldnt go if I felt like that.
Last thing is.. I often go to a club and not play..however I socialise.. surely you wouldnt want to sit and not talk to people... I can understand the not playing bit.. but as its been said previously.. some may see it that you have been taken a long just as a ticket to get in.
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"...
If you go to an open club night (singles and couples) then we wouldn't have a problem with what you do, we know one or two couples ourselves that do similar.
However what we don't agree with is a guy taking his wife, G/F Etc. to a couples only night then her sitting in the corner while he plays (or tries to) as a single guy. It's generally known as "taking a ticket" and we've seen it cause trouble a couple of times."
That's why some clubs have rules about going as a couple, playing as a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im going against the grain here, I don't think your partner should be able to get in under a couples entry fee and be able to act like a single guy, I always thought most clubs have a rule that if you go together you stay together, in other words he shouldn't be going around playing leaving you on your own with a kindle.
If he wants to play he should go on his own or he should stay and just socilize with you.
What do you get out of this arrangement?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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u pay entry to the club, nothing else is expected is it?
the only rule is that the male half cannot enter cpls areas without his partner
thats how my swinging club knowledge goes
if the fem or male half doesnt play at clubs...so what? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im going against the grain here, I don't think your partner should be able to get in under a couples entry fee and be able to act like a single guy, I always thought most clubs have a rule that if you go together you stay together, in other words he shouldn't be going around playing leaving you on your own with a kindle.
If he wants to play he should go on his own or he should stay and just socilize with you.
What do you get out of this arrangement??"
reverse this as the female plays and the hubby does nothing ...
can anyone see where the sexist logic comes in? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"u pay entry to the club, nothing else is expected is it?
the only rule is that the male half cannot enter cpls areas without his partner
thats how my swinging club knowledge goes
if the fem or male half doesnt play at clubs...so what?"
Maybe at some clubs I can only go by the clubs I have visited but the rules there are along the lines of you come together you stay together, in other words you don't wander around like a single male if you attend as a couple.
whether you play or not doesn't come into it but he shouldn't be allowed to fuck everything whilst you just sit there, if you don't play then he shouldn't play, if you play (whether together or seperatly) then that's fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im going against the grain here, I don't think your partner should be able to get in under a couples entry fee and be able to act like a single guy, I always thought most clubs have a rule that if you go together you stay together, in other words he shouldn't be going around playing leaving you on your own with a kindle.
If he wants to play he should go on his own or he should stay and just socilize with you.
What do you get out of this arrangement??
reverse this as the female plays and the hubby does nothing ...
can anyone see where the sexist logic comes in?"
I'd say the same in reverse, you wanna act like your single come in as a single, if you pay and enter as a couple act like a couple.
Whats then to stop every bloke taking a female friend just so they can enter on a couples only night and then go around like a single guy bothering couples, couples only nights happen to give couples who dont like single guys a night with likeminded couples. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are you sure you don't want pleasure..
This arrangement is a unique one...
 "
if the lady wanted to watch and enjoy her partners pleasure I could understand it as I know plenty of women that do like to watch.. and guys xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"u pay entry to the club, nothing else is expected is it?
the only rule is that the male half cannot enter cpls areas without his partner
thats how my swinging club knowledge goes
if the fem or male half doesnt play at clubs...so what?
Maybe at some clubs I can only go by the clubs I have visited but the rules there are along the lines of you come together you stay together, in other words you don't wander around like a single male if you attend as a couple.
whether you play or not doesn't come into it but he shouldn't be allowed to fuck everything whilst you just sit there, if you don't play then he shouldn't play, if you play (whether together or seperatly) then that's fine."
sounds a little bit club-fascistic
the guy is there with his wife who doesnt play, but he shouldnt play if she doesnt play, so he is to sit there with the given consent of his wife who has made an informed choice not to play and not leave her side.
Unless she gets told to start dropping her kecks by the club I dont see the problem
and there doesnt seem to be an answer to the women who play at clubs while their men dont, some may prefer a drink while she plays..but under the club-fascistico rules..this would not be allowed...
pedantic yes..but think I'm right lol |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
i can absolutely understand what is being said...
does it fit by the letter of the terms.... sure..
does it fit by the spirit of the terms.... debateable
and that lies the issue....
if they are going with no intent ever to play, and i think we can tell that by the distain in the opening post, then i would agree with those who say they aren't really abiding in the spirit...
golden ticket to get in cheaper, and run round on a night they wouldn't be able to get into otherwise.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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so its assumed the guy is gonna try fucking everything in the club
its assumed he is gonna bother cpls
like many cpls one may have a higher sex drive than the other, the OPknows he's shagging around under her nose- lets assume he is a good positive swinging male and they actually have a happy marriage
almost everything else above thats been posted appears completely negative in my opinion |
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We are the same but in the reverse, yesterday at Chams is a classic example. I was happy to just lay on a sun lounger and chill out whilst MrsH went and had fun, did not hear anyone complaining about that 
I feel what you are doing is acceptable on a mixed night but not a couples only night. We do not go on couples only nights as only one of us plays. If you stick to mixed nights there should not be an issue. On couples only nights couples go because they want to play with couples without the attention of single guys so I do not see where you are going to get your man is going to get his fun anyway. My advice stick to mixed nights, less hassle!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only rules are the ones you set for yourself - if anyone thinks you are rude tell them to f off. As for taxiying your hubby around - I'm sure you're happy with that but I'm not sure I would be  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aw I felt a little sad reading your husbands profile saying you will join him when you lose some weight... you know some guys.. and gals prefer women to be a little rounder  |
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"...My advice stick to mixed nights, less hassle!"
And be as honest with the club as you are on Fab...and pay the single male membership fee and admission charge, because at the end of the day, that's all you're bringing to the table. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If clubs require you to be a couple, surely that's all they require. I can't see how people can say you can't go as a couple if only one of you plays. We go to clubs and I (the male) never play with anyone else. The wife plays with everyone. Does that mean we should only play the single female entry price? Of course not. Like the OP, we are going as a couple, but behaving in our own way that suits us.
I hate the phrase 'bringing to the table' as if you are deceiving people by going to a club and not playing. When someone goes into a club, they don't owe you anything and they aren't agreeing to bring anything to a table.
Is there some secret tally system where the male and female have to each play a certain amount of times before they are proved to be a genuine couple???? I don't think so. I go purely for my wife to have fun, which in turn makes me happy. I don't think she is leading anyone on by being part of a couple but behaving like she is single. Or are the rules different when a man is enjoying himself like a single man?? |
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"If clubs require you to be a couple, surely that's all they require. I can't see how people can say you can't go as a couple if only one of you plays. We go to clubs and I (the male) never play with anyone else. The wife plays with everyone. Does that mean we should only play the single female entry price? Of course not. Like the OP, we are going as a couple, but behaving in our own way that suits us.
I hate the phrase 'bringing to the table' as if you are deceiving people by going to a club and not playing. When someone goes into a club, they don't owe you anything and they aren't agreeing to bring anything to a table.
Is there some secret tally system where the male and female have to each play a certain amount of times before they are proved to be a genuine couple???? I don't think so. I go purely for my wife to have fun, which in turn makes me happy. I don't think she is leading anyone on by being part of a couple but behaving like she is single. Or are the rules different when a man is enjoying himself like a single man??"
You have to remember that clubs are there as a business not as an upholder of all that is politically correct.
They have a tariff that on mixed nights charges men a lot more than women or couples. The reasons in the swinging world for that are obvious.
Couples are accepted in good faith to add to the male / female mix which a swingers club requires to function. Very often they do make the rule that if a couple comes together as a couple they play as a couple or abstain as a couple, to ensure that in the play areas the right balance is maintained. If a couple decides to play separately, then that's usually fine too as the ratio of male players to female players is still the same.
Why then should a club offer a discounted admission to a couple when the female does not want to play? Yes I hate the term "bringing to the table" too, but lets be frank about this...bringing a non-playing female in to simply get cheaper admission is conning the club out of income. So why should the club stand for it? Why shouldn't the club charge as for a single guy if the male half of a couple behaves effectively exactly like that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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still not seeing what the issue is
all I will ASSUME is that many of the above think this guy is having his cake and eating it...possibly a little derogatory to the female half, as it appears shes rather 'stupid'
I'll take it on face value the fem half made the post..again..I might assume everyone else thinks its him posting...
anyone ever been to a club/party and not played?-just enjoyed the atmosphere?
that IS what swingers normally do..altho will ASSUME many posts above tend to be saying..if ur not shagging get out and take ur partner with u...no time for tolerance in this club...
I've ASSUMED alot..havent I? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try a bbw social night they are so much fun a lot of the swinging lifestyle for me is more about the socializing and being able to dress up the sex is a bonus lol x Some of the best giggles i have had has been at chams up on the smoking deck or in the lounge with the witches lol putting the world to rights lol x Mix mingle and do the hell you want x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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". If a couple decides to play separately, then that's usually fine too as the ratio of male players to female players is still the same.
Why then should a club offer a discounted admission to a couple when the female does not want to play? Yes I hate the term "bringing to the table" too, but lets be frank about this...bringing a non-playing female in to simply get cheaper admission is conning the club out of income. So why should the club stand for it? Why shouldn't the club charge as for a single guy if the male half of a couple behaves effectively exactly like that?"
At no point has the OP mentioned they go as a couple to get cheaper entry. That's just something that everyone on here has decided.
it's her prerogative to play how she wants, and his to play how he wants. We all go on about 'do what's comfortable for you both as a couple' but everyone appears to be getting arsey about exactly that when it looks like someone is getting something out of the deal that they aren't.
what if halfway through the night someone's partner said 'i dont fancy playing tonight, but you go ahead', would they then have to go back to reception and pay additional entry?
What if she decides to play one night? Would she have to get a refund first as she can't officially play if he had entered as a single?
They aren't deceiving anyone. If anyone plays with him, it's their choice.
They are a couple swinging in the way that suits them, if other people do our don't like it is irrelevant. If they don't like it, don't play with them.
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By *adyA01Woman
over a year ago
Wellington |
Hello OP, I get where you are at, I used to go to clubs and ended up feeling like a piece of meat, not a great feeling. I ended up turning to fab so that I could have 1 to 1's instead! Much, Much better in my opinion. Clearly you don't mind OH playing otherwise you wouldn't drive him. But you don't say if you would like to play, is it only the feeling of being a piece of meat that puts you off? If so talk to hubby and see how he would feel about you trying 1 to 1, or maybe an MMF with your hubby that way you may well feel more comfortable! Whatever you decide its your life hun and don't worry about other peoples rules. Good Luck x |
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I'dsay that 70% of my club visits end up being social only. At the moment my health isn't great so I'm not playing but have been actively encouraged by my local club to keep coming.
They may be a business but they get very little from me when I attend except for the pleasure of my company! As a single female I rarely pay and if I do its a fiver, I'll maybe have one soft drink and I'm not even wearing revealing outfits right now! But I get an incredibly warm welcome and am never made to feel like a spare part.
Why should she drop him and leave him? Why shouldn't they pay couples charges? There are plenty of couples who play separately, not always but it happens - perhaps one is not in the mood, perhaps she's got aunt flo visiting, perhaps one doesn't fancy anyone that night but the other fancies (and is getting fancied in return by) everyone, perhaps one is tired and has had a crappy week and just wants to chill quietly while the other has the raging horn. It happens, and more often than you'd think.
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Depends what you're reading on your Kindle. 
Seriously, have a little more self confidence and self esteem as from your original post it reads as though you could develop that a bit more. If the club owners are happy for you to chill, have a drink and read - why not? I bet you still get approached by men though: "wotcha reading? 50 shades? Hur hur hur wanna see the real thing? Hu hur hur" |
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"...Why should she drop him and leave him? Why shouldn't they pay couples charges? ..."
Because it's been seen that where a club allows that to happen, properly single guys will find or pay for a woman to come in with them "as a couple" the guy sits the woman down at a table, buys the woman a can of , plays away to his heart's content, while she is trying to make the last a long time, and then gives her a lift home at the end of the night.
It's been done before, and it's the reason why clubs have "come as a couple play as a couple" rules.
Now imagine if that rule didn't exist and all the single guys did this trick... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As the f part of this couple who prefers and gets of on her hubby playing rather then playing herself I find alot of the above posts ridiculous and judgemental.
In clubs I see a lot of guys who happily let there wife play with men they feel comfortable with and don't get involved themselves why is this not questioned or the validity of there relationship put under scrutiny like it seems to be the other way round.
Going to a club I would make sure any fem or couple knew exactly my stance and what I was comfortable with.
It does seem there are double standards for some people on here.
MissD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...Why should she drop him and leave him? Why shouldn't they pay couples charges? ...
Because it's been seen that where a club allows that to happen, properly single guys will find or pay for a woman to come in with them "as a couple" the guy sits the woman down at a table, buys the woman a can of , plays away to his heart's content, while she is trying to make the last a long time, and then gives her a lift home at the end of the night.
It's been done before, and it's the reason why clubs have "come as a couple play as a couple" rules.
Now imagine if that rule didn't exist and all the single guys did this trick..."
pretty sure the point is that this GUY is a couple..and not SINGLE
sounds like they visit a club regularly
let the club scrutinize the validity
this is not about FAB and misleading profiles |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As the f part of this couple who prefers and gets of on her hubby playing rather then playing herself I find alot of the above posts ridiculous and judgemental.
In clubs I see a lot of guys who happily let there wife play with men they feel comfortable with and don't get involved themselves why is this not questioned or the validity of there relationship put under scrutiny like it seems to be the other way round.
Going to a club I would make sure any fem or couple knew exactly my stance and what I was comfortable with.
It does seem there are double standards for some people on here.
MissD "
can I at least grope u while u read 50shades on ur kindle???  |
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