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What would you do if you saw me and know me?

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Hi all, so I've been on here a number of years for genuine reasons.

I'm married with children however the spark that once existed no longer remains and we're just close friends who are a parent unit.

I use this site to retain a side of an adventurous personality I once had and save myself from being that guy who would just sit at the pond to feed ducks or something.

I love that side of my personality and will never give it up.

At the same time, I can't bring myself to separate the family unit.

That's my story and now onto the point. I'm very curious about the clubs and hear how wonderful the people I'm told are and how it's such a welcoming community in addition to the huge amount of real fun people have there.

I'm nervous about people who may not respect the confidentiality of attending (if there is such a thing) regardless of the reasons such as mine and worry that if there's someone there who knows me or my other half and will knowingly make things difficult and destroy my ability to retain the great confidence I have in everything else.

Can any genuine people offer any advice on what it's regarding the confidentiality in the clubs?

I met someone last night and she is someone I could get along with really well and we both have a mutual situation although hers has developed more than I have where she doesn't need to be concerned. I would love us to go as a fwb couple and if it doesn't work out, would love to continue attending to be amongst you people.

Thanks for reading.

Happy fabbing

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By *ope_kisses22Couple  over a year ago

Hyde

I think the best answer you may get is.....

It depends!!!

It depends on how well you know someone (or not) as to how someone may react and whether they would keep your secret.

If I saw someone cheating on my bestie... or a family member then I'd have to consider how I tell them but I would want to. OR I would want the person to. Cos obviously 'how' I know would also be outing myself

We personally don't meet people whom are married.... however (and I guess it could be wrong) in a club it's more of a 'don't ask and don't tell'

K

X

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Thanks so much for that. What if you went to the club and knew that person was meeting when they're married. What would you do when you do know

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By *ope_kisses22Couple  over a year ago

Hyde

I'm afraid it's all about depending on the situation and ppl involved

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By *ink vixenCouple  over a year ago

Medway

If they’re friends of your wife then they’ll have heard her side of the story and would probably tell her.

If they’re friends of yours then they probably won’t.

Keep it simple.

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By *allySlinkyWoman  over a year ago

Leeds


"

I'm nervous about people who may not respect the confidentiality of attending (if there is such a thing) regardless of the reasons such as mine and worry that if there's someone there who knows me or my other half and will knowingly make things difficult and destroy my ability to retain the great confidence I have in everything else.

Can any genuine people offer any advice on what it's regarding the confidentiality in the clubs?

"

I've been to various clubs and have never been asked to sign a confidentiality clause.

I think if a relative or friend of your wife saw you having sex with a stranger they wouldn't feel "honour bound" to keep it secret from her.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Assume they will tell everyone they know. Because some will.

Even if it's not to your face. Believe me. People gossip and they don't bother finding out if it's true, they just pass it on.

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By *p4fun60Couple  over a year ago

Hampshire

This is one of the reasons we struggle to play with genuine single guys, we hate liars,cheats & people who try & deceive & ultimately that's what you're trying to achieve- we've been in this lifestyle for many years & it was originally referred to as wife swapping, over the recent years it's changed to swinging & just seems to be an extention to tinder or POF for singles,

The majority of couples we know feel the same way, just because we're swingers doesn't mean we lose our moral compass & agree with something that may not be right for us, but at the same time if we knew your wife & saw you in a club environment without her than that's none of our business & as well as the fact we couldn't out you without outing ourselves we also wouldn't want to be the catalyst to your family splitting up - we have indeed come face to face with a family friend in a club, thankfully we were all fully dressed, he left very quickly after the initial hello & it's never been spoken about - it's sad that you feel this is your only way forward rather than trying to rekindle what you once had with your wife, most long term marriages go the a stagnation of some sort, some realise this & walk away others sit tight in hope, some even try & introduce this lifestyle into it in an attempt to rekindle their marrage why not sit together & watch some of the documentaries on TV at the moment & test the waters & suggest you visit a club together, ultimately if you don't fancy doing any of this I'd suggest visiting a club a long way from home that way there's less chance of running into someone you know

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

So she doesn't know you're close friends and parent unit?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

So am I right in thinking that the question you are asking OP is if people who visit clubs have the "what goes on at a club stays at a club" rule ?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"If they’re friends of your wife then they’ll have heard her side of the story and would probably tell her.

If they’re friends of yours then they probably won’t.

Keep it simple. "

On a serious note, absolutely this.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You might bump into your wife

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"If they’re friends of your wife then they’ll have heard her side of the story and would probably tell her.

If they’re friends of yours then they probably won’t.

Keep it simple. "

I think this is probably true.

I also think that some people absolutely love gossip and can't wait to throw the drama bomb then stand back and watch the fall out. If I needed complete confidence that my partner wouldn't find out I wouldn't go to a club within two hundred miles of my home town.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/10/23 11:57:44]

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"So am I right in thinking that the question you are asking OP is if people who visit clubs have the "what goes on at a club stays at a club" rule ?"

Yes I suppose

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"So am I right in thinking that the question you are asking OP is if people who visit clubs have the "what goes on at a club stays at a club" rule ?

Yes I suppose"

It's just people mate, you can't trust anyone, and unfortunately in your situation you can't even trust yourself.

I'm not being judgemental because that's up to you, whatever people do with their lives is up to them, if you ask for advice on a forum then it's up for discussion.

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By *amnaughtybutniceWoman  over a year ago

tf1

I’ve been to loads of clubs and never seen anyone I know in the vanilla world. But my best mate has come with me twice and twice she’s seen people she knows.

It’s not an issue for either of us but it can happen.

Prob best to go to a club further away from home

However word of warning i went to Gran Canaria and bumped into people I knew from local clubs. You just never know

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By *ylonseeker2023Man  over a year ago

Harwich

You could go to a club 100 miles away and meet those you hoped to avoid as they had the same thought.

You could be local or at the distant club and all is well and suddenly half way through the night in walks...

Then comes the issue of going somewhere miles away .... how do you explain your night away to the family opposed to a few hours away....

To myself, as a single person this all seems very stressful indeed.

I think in your position I'd consider having that long overdue discussion at home as to whether or not to keep the family unit intact for the kids but as adults, both give each other space to pursue your own lives....I know of such arrangements that work.

What makes me wonder about the "awkward encounters" with friends, neighbours etc. is the fact that should they mention anything, are they then not also "confessing" their "naughtiness" too?

To be honest, if it worries you that much I guess you will have to knock the one or other on the head or have a frank conversation with your wife.

As has already quite rightly been pointed out, just imagine bumping into your wife, even better, 200 miles from home!

Whilst you stew over this and carry on with it fearfully, how about being clear as what to do "if the unthinkable happens"? I guess that is essentially the purpose of your post. A general "brainstorming" session.

As such, my immediate advice would be act normal. If and when you bump into "Fred and Wima", lol, why not break the ice with something full frontal like,

"Hey, great to see you here. I wish I'd known, you could have given me some advice as to the event nights...."

....or some other completely matter of fact small talk....

How on earth are they going to make things public about you without incriminating themselves?

Sorry to not being able to help more, as I say, myself being single, this is one thing I never have to think about, that said, meeting the boss might be daunting, there again, me being my own boss there's no issue....unless I look in the mirror and see myself. Lol.

Maybe that is what you need to do, look at yourself and evaluate what is ultimately more important for yourself.

Either that or think of how to deal with certain groups of folk you fear bumping into.

One of the main reasons I have repeatedly left relationships and found myself single is that I have unfortunately only ever found ladies I had feelings for yet unfortunately they weren't happy with my lifestyle. Ultimately, I have made the decision or rather the ladies concerned made it for me by not being prepared to accept my life style. Yeah, "life style choices".

One thing on my mind is that your lack of photos - which is self explanatory - makes it obvious to others that you are playing without consent, that is of course unless you claim you cannot show your identity due to your work.....but hey....I am now digressing and that is another topic for another thread.....

Good luck. I understand you...but only to a point. Without intentionally ending on a negative, from my personal experience and observations, there is never a "perfect crime", you can be as careful as you want, plan ahead (remember my advice ? "oh, fancy seeing you here, let's have a drink....") and think things through meticulously, unfortunately it's most often the most silly thing that catches us out... something totally unrelated can lead to a chain of unbelievable events.

MY advice. Totally "ME/MINE" and bear in mind I don't actually know what you have to lose in material and emotional values, I would have a really frank discussion with your wife.

What can happen...you lose out or she accepts, or the marriage and sex life picks up! So many possible outcomes and not bad.

I hope this helps alongside all the other advice and opinions.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

My friend has just been outed by some unknown on here. Told her sister who told her mum . She's not married so non of their business but shows people will do anything so you need to maybe come clean to the wife so that doesn't happen or hope you arent seen. But then does it matter if your situation is as you say

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