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Club etiquette
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Never been to a club before but planning to visit one soon. What is the etiquette apart from outrightly asking someone if they want to play? I also don't want to send off the wrong messages, especially if I'm not interested. Thank you in advance |
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"Never been to a club before but planning to visit one soon. What is the etiquette apart from outrightly asking someone if they want to play? I also don't want to send off the wrong messages, especially if I'm not interested. Thank you in advance "
We went last weekend for the first time (other than just for a drink)
If you go on the club websites, they have really useful FAQ sections regarding etiquette.
We thought people very much kept themselves to themselves.
It’s a really sociable environment though; go along just to have a drink. The biggest part for me was the thought of walking around in underwear, no one bat an eyelid though 
Good luck |
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"Never been to a club before but planning to visit one soon. What is the etiquette apart from outrightly asking someone if they want to play? I also don't want to send off the wrong messages, especially if I'm not interested. Thank you in advance "
If your not interested keep the conversation light, make polite excuses to move on but don't be afraid to say no. Everyone has probably had some kind of rejection in a club so don't overthink it.
One thing to remember in similar situations is you might not be of interest to the person(s) with whom you are engaging with.
No, not tonight, another time, are phrases that are your friend and you shouldn't be afraid to use |
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By *etro1940sCouple
over a year ago
Kingston upon Thames |
just be yourself ... flirt, make eye contact, some gentle teasing and if ready just ask them if they want to party with you in a room or space? don't think too hard on it ... men often hide much more hesitation than us girls ... x Anne |
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"just be yourself ... flirt, make eye contact, some gentle teasing and if ready just ask them if they want to party with you in a room or space? don't think too hard on it ... men often hide much more hesitation than us girls ... x Anne"
I'm terrible at flirting. I'm more one of the lads when I banter. Need to up my feminine skills at the clubs  |
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Just make sure you pick the correct club/event for you something that's fun in you're eyes..
We like foam and parties raves and and some dress up for couples and singles ladies.
We dislike bbc gangbangs and BDSM so avoid..
Follow what you like and every thing will fall into place no need to worry.. |
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"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?
Can you wear normal clothes? Especially what attire can men wear?"
Dress code depends on the club, some clubs are "Dress Down" only, so everyone will be in underwear or a towel. If it's not dress down then nightclub type of attire is perfect. Sexy short low-cut dresses for women and smart shirt & trousers for men. Obviously there is a variety of opinions on what classes as "smart casual", but for as a bloke I find that dressing smarter is more likely to get you noticed than wearing jeans and a polo shirt.
Cal |
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"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?
Can you wear normal clothes? Especially what attire can men wear?"
Also, as a single lady, you WILL get followed around. Many single guys will follow any single lady around just on the off chance that might get lucky. If you find anyone particularly "Stalkerish" you could go and chat to them for a minute or two and then move on, this will let them know that you're not interested, or alternatively you could ask a member of staff to "have a word". Generally though, if you are chatting to people, then they are less likely to experience the stalker behaviour than if you're just stood by yourself.
Cal |
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"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?
Can you wear normal clothes? Especially what attire can men wear?
Also, as a single lady, you WILL get followed around. Many single guys will follow any single lady around just on the off chance that might get lucky. If you find anyone particularly "Stalkerish" you could go and chat to them for a minute or two and then move on, this will let them know that you're not interested, or alternatively you could ask a member of staff to "have a word". Generally though, if you are chatting to people, then they are less likely to experience the stalker behaviour than if you're just stood by yourself.
Cal"
Thanks Cal. My friend who's coming with me, we not together sexually. I told him to can go off and do what ever but he's worried he won't get a hard on in large groups.
I'm pretty private person, not into voyerism or group activity etc. Just hoping to meet a nice single male or few as fab is horrendous for finding a nice one. Do you think a club isn't the right place for me? |
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Hey Cherry, I think its VA that you want to go to isn't it? The only thing I would mention is that there are no private rooms at VA so you do get people watching. There will always be the 'wanking dead' on nights that allow single men too. I would suggest for your first visit, go with no expectations, except to have a nice social time and allow yourself time to feel comfortable in the environment. I've always found the hottub to be a really social place where you can connect with someone. No thank you means just that and people respect that in clubs. Staff are on hand if someone can't get the hint. Me and my play partner have a code phrase which either of us can use if we're not comfortable in a situation and want out 'I need a glass of water' is ours, I'd suggest setting something like that up with your friend.
Most of all, enjoy and soak up the atmosphere. I absolutely adore club and party nights! The newbie night at VA might be a good starter night x |
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"Hey Cherry, I think its VA that you want to go to isn't it? The only thing I would mention is that there are no private rooms at VA so you do get people watching. There will always be the 'wanking dead' on nights that allow single men too. I would suggest for your first visit, go with no expectations, except to have a nice social time and allow yourself time to feel comfortable in the environment. I've always found the hottub to be a really social place where you can connect with someone. No thank you means just that and people respect that in clubs. Staff are on hand if someone can't get the hint. Me and my play partner have a code phrase which either of us can use if we're not comfortable in a situation and want out 'I need a glass of water' is ours, I'd suggest setting something like that up with your friend.
Most of all, enjoy and soak up the atmosphere. I absolutely adore club and party nights! The newbie night at VA might be a good starter night x"
Thanks, yes off to VA but only can go on 1 night in particular so just got to wait and see what particular night it will be. I just be happy to make new friends, get numbers from men or a cheeky kiss. I rarely get the opportunity to meet nice men in my life so thought a club be good place to meet them lol tried online dating and fab, all I get is ghosted. So at a club, they already be there and interested in mingling with women? |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?"
If a firm "no, I'm not interested, stop following me around" doesn't work, tell staff and they'll have a word with him. If you're at a club/event that requires membership, the threat of losing their membership and never being able to return usually keeps people well behaved.
A club could be the right place for you. There's always the risk of the occasional idiot, but there are a lot of good people who go to clubs too. It's so much easier to get a feel for what someone's like in person than online. And if one doesn't work out, there will be others. I've made some good friends at the club |
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I go to clubs on my own.
It’s fine to just say no thanks mate.
I’ve never had anyone get arsey. They just take it and move on.
You will get guys following you around which is fine - be friendly and chatty. That doesn’t mean you are going to play with them. Sometimes they follow you because they just want to watch.
Make Friends with the staff. They will look out for you. |
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"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?
If a firm "no, I'm not interested, stop following me around" doesn't work, tell staff and they'll have a word with him. If you're at a club/event that requires membership, the threat of losing their membership and never being able to return usually keeps people well behaved.
A club could be the right place for you. There's always the risk of the occasional idiot, but there are a lot of good people who go to clubs too. It's so much easier to get a feel for what someone's like in person than online. And if one doesn't work out, there will be others. I've made some good friends at the club"
Yes I find meeting men online so thought the best place for me if clubs. My friend reckons I just meet old men or gay men at clubs. I told him that doesn't sound right. Is he wrong? He's only been to Bristol gardens. |
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"I go to clubs on my own.
It’s fine to just say no thanks mate.
I’ve never had anyone get arsey. They just take it and move on.
You will get guys following you around which is fine - be friendly and chatty. That doesn’t mean you are going to play with them. Sometimes they follow you because they just want to watch.
Make Friends with the staff. They will look out for you. "
Thanks for that. I heard hanging out with other single women is a good idea but usually how many go to VA? |
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"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?
Can you wear normal clothes? Especially what attire can men wear?
Also, as a single lady, you WILL get followed around. Many single guys will follow any single lady around just on the off chance that might get lucky. If you find anyone particularly "Stalkerish" you could go and chat to them for a minute or two and then move on, this will let them know that you're not interested, or alternatively you could ask a member of staff to "have a word". Generally though, if you are chatting to people, then they are less likely to experience the stalker behaviour than if you're just stood by yourself.
Cal
Thanks Cal. My friend who's coming with me, we not together sexually. I told him to can go off and do what ever but he's worried he won't get a hard on in large groups.
I'm pretty private person, not into voyerism or group activity etc. Just hoping to meet a nice single male or few as fab is horrendous for finding a nice one. Do you think a club isn't the right place for me?"
On the contrary, I think clubs are the best place for meeting people. There are no problems with "no shows" or time wasters. It is just important to know what to expect and to have strategies to deal with it. Being a particularly fit/attractive lass will mean that guys will be keen.
Cal |
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"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?
If a firm "no, I'm not interested, stop following me around" doesn't work, tell staff and they'll have a word with him. If you're at a club/event that requires membership, the threat of losing their membership and never being able to return usually keeps people well behaved.
A club could be the right place for you. There's always the risk of the occasional idiot, but there are a lot of good people who go to clubs too. It's so much easier to get a feel for what someone's like in person than online. And if one doesn't work out, there will be others. I've made some good friends at the club
Yes I find meeting men online so thought the best place for me if clubs. My friend reckons I just meet old men or gay men at clubs. I told him that doesn't sound right. Is he wrong? He's only been to Bristol gardens."
In our experience of clubs is that there is a real variety of people. All body types, ages, ethnicities and levels experience are represented. Obviously there is a LUCK element involved in the attendance at any club on any given night, but VA is generally well attended and the odds of finding compatible people should be good.
Cal |
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"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?
If a firm "no, I'm not interested, stop following me around" doesn't work, tell staff and they'll have a word with him. If you're at a club/event that requires membership, the threat of losing their membership and never being able to return usually keeps people well behaved.
A club could be the right place for you. There's always the risk of the occasional idiot, but there are a lot of good people who go to clubs too. It's so much easier to get a feel for what someone's like in person than online. And if one doesn't work out, there will be others. I've made some good friends at the club
Yes I find meeting men online so thought the best place for me if clubs. My friend reckons I just meet old men or gay men at clubs. I told him that doesn't sound right. Is he wrong? He's only been to Bristol gardens.
In our experience of clubs is that there is a real variety of people. All body types, ages, ethnicities and levels experience are represented. Obviously there is a LUCK element involved in the attendance at any club on any given night, but VA is generally well attended and the odds of finding compatible people should be good.
Cal"
Yeah I'm trying to convince my friend he won't be sitting alone in the bar all night either just because he's over 60.  |
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"What do I do if I get a stalker? Someone who follows me and just keep staring at me, making me feel uncomfortable?
If a firm "no, I'm not interested, stop following me around" doesn't work, tell staff and they'll have a word with him. If you're at a club/event that requires membership, the threat of losing their membership and never being able to return usually keeps people well behaved.
A club could be the right place for you. There's always the risk of the occasional idiot, but there are a lot of good people who go to clubs too. It's so much easier to get a feel for what someone's like in person than online. And if one doesn't work out, there will be others. I've made some good friends at the club
Yes I find meeting men online so thought the best place for me if clubs. My friend reckons I just meet old men or gay men at clubs. I told him that doesn't sound right. Is he wrong? He's only been to Bristol gardens.
In our experience of clubs is that there is a real variety of people. All body types, ages, ethnicities and levels experience are represented. Obviously there is a LUCK element involved in the attendance at any club on any given night, but VA is generally well attended and the odds of finding compatible people should be good.
Cal
Yeah I'm trying to convince my friend he won't be sitting alone in the bar all night either just because he's over 60. "
He just needs to make it HIS mission to go and chat to as many folk as he can. There is never any guarantee of sex, but if your aim is to change and have a laugh, then it's easy to have a fun night. If you get laid too, that's a bonus.
Cal |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"He just needs to make it HIS mission to go and chat to as many folk as he can."
Yep. I'm 52, and I enjoy the club that I go to, because I made the effort to talk to people. "Talking" doesn't mean spotting someone you like, going up to them, and asking "wanna fuck?". It means having a conversation like normal people.
I haven't been to Bristol Gardens, but from what I've heard (and what I've seen on their web site), it isn't a really swingers club. I wouldn't make any assumptions based on experiences there. The clubs I've been to have all had a wide variety of people. All ages, all shapes and sizes. |
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It's absolutely daunting working out how to approach people. Also all the other factors of etiquette and handling yourself. Loads of good advice above. Just add its a skill you develop and things do get easier/slicker with experience. I know this both when working alone or when working as a couple. Also generally (not always) your gut is right on the vibe (becomes more accurate with experience).
So my advice is just get in there. Be willing to take the chance of a knock back or two and don't be shy. Whether that be the opportunity to open a conversation in the bar or non-vebal eye contact/gesture to join someone/s. The more you expose your self and push yourself on the scene the easier it is, the more assertive you'll become and more successful you'll be.
Simply practice makes perfect. |
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"He just needs to make it HIS mission to go and chat to as many folk as he can.
Yep. I'm 52, and I enjoy the club that I go to, because I made the effort to talk to people. "Talking" doesn't mean spotting someone you like, going up to them, and asking "wanna fuck?". It means having a conversation like normal people.
I haven't been to Bristol Gardens, but from what I've heard (and what I've seen on their web site), it isn't a really swingers club. I wouldn't make any assumptions based on experiences there. The clubs I've been to have all had a wide variety of people. All ages, all shapes and sizes."
I told him all that. He's just a stubborn mule sometimes lol |
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"Hey OP, I posted a similar question ‘ 1st Club Experience… ’ on here a few days ago, lots of helpful tips in there x"
Yes I found your thread. Different information on there but that's helpful. I'm learning more about the etiquette to ease the first club nerves. When are you going? I'm going end of August |
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"Hey OP, I posted a similar question ‘ 1st Club Experience… ’ on here a few days ago, lots of helpful tips in there x
Yes I found your thread. Different information on there but that's helpful. I'm learning more about the etiquette to ease the first club nerves. When are you going? I'm going end of August "
No date planned as yet, going to look at what’s coming up and hopefully sort a night to go with one of my girl friends x |
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