FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Personal point of view may help some single guys though.
Personal point of view may help some single guys though.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok my lady and I went to a club today name not important
Yes it was a day when single men were allowed in
And yes we do play with single men that WE Wish to play with.
So single guys question for you if you see a mf couple playing in a hot tub or a public area do you
A) try to establish some eye contact communication to see if you can join in?
B) Just wade in grabbing bits of who you want to?
If your in category B, and were the 3rd guy that did this today I do hope that your dislocated finger heals up real soon.
Point being the 3 guys today the two a couple of weeks ago why the fook go for goal at the 1st shot as you will never get a chance again with us, And yes we do play with single guys that WE wish to but at the very least that’s after a conversation in public areas.
Oh and in addition as we often attend with groups of friends guess what we see you there when we are with friends guess who probably won’t get a look in after we point you out to them.
So for the polite single males out there this isn’t aimed at you but hope it helps you reinforce for your self that your behaviour is correct and please feel free to come chat to us in public areas we are sociable types, grab at us me her suddenly and expect a firm handed and physical if need be refusal
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi, couldnt agree more.
We went to a club recently. A single guy asked to watch which we agreed. Next thing he starts rubbing his cock against mrs nsas arm, it did nothing for her and she told him politely to f off a number of times before he got the hint. he was lucky mrs nsa was about to break it off lol!!
He is had asked then he would have more than likely been given the chance to join in x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is the thing that puts me off attending a club, being touched by guys I don't want touching me.
Have been seeing more and more posts in forums just lately saying similar things.
Guys, just because someone is at a club, does not mean they are yours for the taking, would you touch a girl you fancied shagging in appropriately in public, NO, so why do you think you can do it in a club  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Please dont get us wrong today and on many days there have been lots of single guys that have behaved with total respect.
Just a few spoil it for the many so single guys how about policing it yourself
Oh one point its amazing just how fast the disfunctional grabbers or attempted grabbers back off from just a well placed glare. ...... now whats the word for them lol |
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"This is the thing that puts me off attending a club, being touched by guys I don't want touching me.
Have been seeing more and more posts in forums just lately saying similar things.
Guys, just because someone is at a club, does not mean they are yours for the taking, would you touch a girl you fancied shagging in appropriately in public, NO, so why do you think you can do it in a club "
It shouldn't put you off because in reality I really don't believe it happens as much as you might think, but when it does, then it raises headlines and lot's of comments.
I could give you another example of 2 couples in a couples room, that could be viewed through a viewing window. Couple A had been in the room for a while and had been having cuddles and kisses and were in one corner of the room. Couple B entered the room and within seconds the guy was fingering her. Couple A then started to play and Couple B then moved some 20 foot so they were right next to Couple A and you could say they were close enough to be in their personal space. No words were exchanged.
As it happens both couples ended up playing with each other, but a possible other ending could easily have been that Couple A was completely peed off with their space being invaded.
The truth is, in clubs as in nightclubs and pubs, most people do treat each other with respect. It is accepted practice in all the clubs that I have been to that if a single guy or girl or couple touch a man or woman when they are playing with a gentle stroke on the lower leg or arm, then the person touched that way will either happily allow the hand to get bolder or signal that it's ok to continue, or will brush the hand away or say no, if it's the latter then the person attempting the contact knows the score and moves away, albeit in an open room ofcourse they can stay and watch.
As for the OP, it seems they are stating that most single guys they have had contact with have done so properly and if the single guy makes the right approach, they get more chance of getting to play, whereas simply making an inappropriate grab at the lady's boobs/pussy gets the response it deserves. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It is accepted practice in all the clubs that I have been to that if a single guy or girl or couple touch a man or woman when they are playing with a gentle stroke on the lower leg or arm" what clubs is it therfore acceptable to grab at then
Please tell us and others so if we chose we can avoid clubs that it is acceptable to grab/carress without asking.
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By *hynottsCouple
over a year ago
nottingham |
dont see the need to name the club as we have had this happen in a few clubs the fact is that if singel guys are aloud in that day some will try it on . think they see it as its a mixed day so any thing go`s . we had this just the other week guy paided 50 pounds for a one night membership and he was not giveing up till he had some fun . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think for some people, being told to 'move away' (politely or unpolitely) is easier to deal with than approaching someone and making conversation with a view to taking it further.
If approaching a couple, that situation is only exacerbated.
For that reason as well as others, it is not a problem that is easily solved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"never said it was easyley solved just wondered why tbh blokes grabed 1st asked questions latter and risked it all"
but i think the reason i gave above provides you with one such explanation.
communication does not come easy to some people.
people find approaching a couple difficult, especially when that approach is sexually motivated and could potentially lead to failure and / or embarrassment.
by simply sidling in, you may still get the knock back, but you can just walk away with it and it didn't take too much effort.
the other thing is of course that for some people, this approach does actually work and guys see that so think 'well i'll give that a try myself'
please don't think i am defending their position, i am merely proposing a reason as to why it happens and why i don't see it dissipating any time soon. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some women are just as guilty of this.....I have had more women groping without asking than men.
"
Have encountered that once but its only been once but agree some do do it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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so again there chancers not willing to make an effort just want there gratification and fook the other people involved.
yep suspected that to be the case
like swinging is about being selfish not
as to sometimes it actualy works is back to the original thread post why the fuck go for gold and get told to sod off overcome your selfishness and inability to speak in words other than UGGGG and try and engage please note at start we did say EYE contact didnt want a full cv
if you get rebuffed that way then at least you havent offended anyone now or for future
get an acknowledgment a wink or a nod then join in
as to didipating it wount ever go away but the number of broken fingers will increase
Jave spoken to one club they are happy that they cant police this so if you see a couple in a hot tub with a nemue card each side of them saying Fuck of touch us and die you will know its us  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"so again there chancers not willing to make an effort just want there gratification and fook the other people involved.
yep suspected that to be the case
like swinging is about being selfish not
as to sometimes it actualy works is back to the original thread post why the fuck go for gold and get told to sod off overcome your selfishness and inability to speak in words other than UGGGG and try and engage please note at start we did say EYE contact didnt want a full cv
if you get rebuffed that way then at least you havent offended anyone now or for future
get an acknowledgment a wink or a nod then join in
as to didipating it wount ever go away but the number of broken fingers will increase
Jave spoken to one club they are happy that they cant police this so if you see a couple in a hot tub with a nemue card each side of them saying Fuck of touch us and die you will know its us "
You do seem somewhat aggressive in your approach.
Maybe that is because your feelings are raw after yesterdays events.
By opening this forum however, you must accept that people will think differently to you and will profer to suggest as to why it happens.
I happen to agree with what you are saying - that a polite / friendly approach is far more acceptable than an unprompted mauling.
So don't think for one minute I am defending people when I am actually doing no more than providing one explanation.
Other than constant policing of the situation by club management and / or a barring of single guys from clubs, I do not see a solution to the issue.
Education and re-education can only go so far and unfortunately for some people respect is expected but not reciprocated.
That is even before we get on to the matter of ignorance and how to conduct ourselves amongst strangers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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as im totally new to the scene and never attended a club before....and i definately would never act the way you described they did,but dont guys like this who act that way get chucked out??
cause im pretty sure if i was with a partner and didnt invite someone to join, and they just started grabbing and trying to take over....id say there would be a good chance fists would start flying(mine). |
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I would never dream of just wading in and touching someone. Yes I would watch if they were in a public viewing area and maybe hope they may offer to let me join them. A few guys give the rest of us a bad name |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a newby to the club scene it's all a little confusing BUT CLEARLY you only even touch when it's clear you are welcome! And then a soft start would be best anyhow. Still its amazing how many rush for goal when the wings are less crowded!
Personally I'd suggest two thing:-
1) a basic guidance forum from those with experience on the do & dont!
2) coloured wrist band for straight (White), bi(pink) & gay  swingers as saves loads of "no thanks you chap" conversations!
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" .....Jave spoken to one club they are happy that they cant police this so if you see a couple in a hot tub with a nemue card each side of them saying Fuck of touch us and die you will know its us "
Do us a favour? Get someone else to write it!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single man I wouldn't dream of doing that not in a million years I always put myself in their shoes if I was with someone I wouldn't want it happening to them so I wouldn't do it my self. It's people like that that make it hard for a guy like me to meet people you have to respect others boundaries |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"never said it was easyley solved just wondered why tbh blokes grabed 1st asked questions latter and risked it all
but i think the reason i gave above provides you with one such explanation.
communication does not come easy to some people. "
Think Bussy is right on to it here - for the 2nd time in a week I am reminded of a programme I heard some years ago about Sexual Surrogates working with a psychologist, who helped (mostly) men who could not relate to women on a sexual level. One lady surrogate spoke about one of the clients who literally couldn't even utter the word 'Please' to ask for sex - let alone carry on any kind of conversation.
Personally, I think this is what is behind the behaviour of a large number of single guys who 'grab first - ask later' in clubs and part of the reason I haven't been back to one in 25 years. I don't want to be tarred with the same brush.
It is easier for them to do it this way, as they can't cope with striking up a conversation, or even making eye contact.
I also think it's some of the reason why they're in a club in the first place - can't imagine them standing in a bar and having a conversation with a woman for an hour and then taking it to another level.
 Pork |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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aggresive no
but not gona sit back and take rubbish
feel free to post your views and i will feel free to disagree with you as you have the right to disagree with me
you will not as others will that we agree on some points not on others
that is normal however to call me agressive is your perception so kindley keep it to yourself and manage your challenge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the wristband idea is good but it still don't solve the problem you will get some arseholes doing it if they did they should be thrown out and banned as they say if you can't play nice don't play at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"aggresive no
but not gona sit back and take rubbish
feel free to post your views and i will feel free to disagree with you as you have the right to disagree with me
you will not as others will that we agree on some points not on others
that is normal however to call me agressive is your perception so kindley keep it to yourself and manage your challenge"
I think you have read me wrong here
I am on your side
The fact I offer reasons for it doesn't make the behaviour (or the reasons)acceptable but they are reasons just the same. |
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By *at1980Man
over a year ago
Sheffield |
Ive been to clubs and played with mf couples either ive arranged to meet there or couples ive chatted yo in the bar ive never touched a couple without firstly speaking to them causeits very rude its not a free for all orgy |
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When we go to clubs we have experienced varying degrees of attention from the grabbers..... a guy just walking up, watching for a minute then making a grab for the lady while searching for the holy grail under his towel (wonder why he got ripped into big style).... a guy just asking "can I touch" at the moment his hand connected with the ladies thigh (the resulting glare said it all).... whillst playing a guy kept on tapping my arm as I played with my lady ( the resultant suggestion that he removed himself in short jerky movements was a direct result of him not taking a firm shake of my head as an answer)
These are NOT all in the same club but the common denominator is that non of them even remotely tried to engage us in any social interraction before chancing their arm. Yes we sometimes play with single guys or invite them to join us if the lady is attracted to them. It is the couples choice whether they want company not the single guy"s.
Just as an aside, you wouldnt go to the local pub and immediately go up and make a grab for a woman so why do it in a club |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"aggresive no
but not gona sit back and take rubbish
feel free to post your views and i will feel free to disagree with you as you have the right to disagree with me
you will not as others will that we agree on some points not on others
that is normal however to call me agressive is your perception so kindley keep it to yourself and manage your challenge
I think you have read me wrong here
I am on your side
The fact I offer reasons for it doesn't make the behaviour (or the reasons)acceptable but they are reasons just the same."
not and didnt argue your resoning but as your not one that does it why not leave it to the chicken shits to explain themselfs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"not and didnt argue your resoning but as your not one that does it why not leave it to the chicken shits to explain themselfs"
Largely because they are never likely to read the forums, let alone respond to one that berates their activities and actions.
It's not likely that anyone will come forward and say 'oh, yes, that's just what i do - and i do it because ....'
To that end making a comment as to why it may occur seemed sensible as without it, the forum becomes merely a sounding board for those that wish to lay into them, as opposed to being an open discussion between adults who have a common issue with some members of the wider club community. |
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I (Red) have never gone to a club on my own, tbh I just couldn't cope with the number of single men that are allowed in.
I have however been as one of a couple and find that single guys fall into a number of categories
1. I've paid my money and any women, whether single or one of a couple are fair game and are in there cos they want sex with anyone.
2.Guys who follow you round and up and down in the hope that they will get to play.
3. Guys who think that by following you, they will eventually wear your resistance down.
4.Chancers who will grab any part of a woman, whether she likes it or not, see 1
5. The 'towel tuggers' who will stand next to you or your partner and in some cases put their proud little man right in your face.
6. Guys who engage you in conversation politely and take the hint when they are not your type.
7. Guys who you invite to play then go without a word of please or thank you.
8. Guys who you have played with in the past and then assume that this gives them the right to play with you at anytime.
9. Guys who you invite to play and then have the decency and manners to thank not just the lady, but the guy she is with.
There are others, but this is turning into War and Peace.
And yes I have come across all the above. As someone has said, would you go into a pub and grab at a woman on a Saturday night? |
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My opinion for what it's worth, is that it should be taken as a compliment that anybody would wish to partake in such An intimate act with you, just because they are not attracted to you die at give you the right to simply make your own move on them. If you do this in normal life you would be done for sexual harassment or rape.....
As for my personal experiences, I am so bleedin naive that I miss all signals anyway, and have probably missed out on mountains of fun. But I do know without a definate , come with us or come and join us ...... Not okay to okay !!!!!!! IT COMES DOWN TO RESPECT!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I (Red) have never gone to a club on my own, tbh I just couldn't cope with the number of single men that are allowed in.
I have however been as one of a couple and find that single guys fall into a number of categories
1. I've paid my money and any women, whether single or one of a couple are fair game and are in there cos they want sex with anyone.
2.Guys who follow you round and up and down in the hope that they will get to play.
3. Guys who think that by following you, they will eventually wear your resistance down.
4.Chancers who will grab any part of a woman, whether she likes it or not, see 1
5. The 'towel tuggers' who will stand next to you or your partner and in some cases put their proud little man right in your face.
6. Guys who engage you in conversation politely and take the hint when they are not your type.
7. Guys who you invite to play then go without a word of please or thank you.
8. Guys who you have played with in the past and then assume that this gives them the right to play with you at anytime.
9. Guys who you invite to play and then have the decency and manners to thank not just the lady, but the guy she is with.
There are others, but this is turning into War and Peace.
And yes I have come across all the above. As someone has said, would you go into a pub and grab at a woman on a Saturday night?"
Aww I was just getting into that
Trust you to leave us wanting more
On your last comment though, sadly some guys do just that - although not in the manner of just walking up unnanounced and having a grope.
There is an assumption by some that a lass allowing you to buy her drinks automatically equates to permission to cop a feel or stick the lips on at some point.
Again indefensible but something I have seen more than once.
Incidentally, I wonder how many guys enter the clubs with every intention of being No. 9 in your list and then descend through the numbers as the time goes on ? |
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"
There is an assumption by some that a lass allowing you to buy her drinks automatically equates to permission to cop a feel or stick the lips on at some point.
Again indefensible but something I have seen more than once.
?"
Not scones tho? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
There is an assumption by some that a lass allowing you to buy her drinks automatically equates to permission to cop a feel or stick the lips on at some point.
Again indefensible but something I have seen more than once.
?
Not scones tho?"
If there are scones in the room, carnal desires are way down my list of priorities  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"not and didnt argue your resoning but as your not one that does it why not leave it to the chicken shits to explain themselfs
Largely because they are never likely to read the forums, let alone respond to one that berates their activities and actions.
It's not likely that anyone will come forward and say 'oh, yes, that's just what i do - and i do it because ....'
To that end making a comment as to why it may occur seemed sensible as without it, the forum becomes merely a sounding board for those that wish to lay into them, as opposed to being an open discussion between adults who have a common issue with some members of the wider club community."
smart ass
But yep maybe some will read this and learn
many however wouldnt learn if ya hit them with a base ball bat  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
see... people always look at the single guys when it comes to misbehaving in clubs and yes it does happen...
but the funny thing is that in the time that I have been swinging in clubs.... I have seen some outrageous behaviours from some women in clubs..... I have seen some outrageous behaviour from couples at clubs....
actually in the club that I go to there has been an upsurge in bad behaviour from the "guys in couples... who wanders around on their own and thinks they can get away with a lot more because they have woman....."
as I always say... an arse is an arse.... and being "an arse" is not just the domain of single guys.......
I know couples who were born with the "arse" gene... same as heaven forbid single fems as well.....
as I have had to say to some couple in the past... just because I chat.. or I am there watching, doesn't mean I want to play with you...
If I want to play.... I'll ask..... |
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By *mmBeeCouple
over a year ago
Maida Vale |
"smart ass
But yep maybe some will read this and learn
many however wouldnt learn if ya hit them with a base ball bat "
and I'd hope a lot wouldn't, I think there's something for everyone at the clubs and find the single guy nights much friendlier than the couples. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"respect should go all ways.... but sometimes you get the feeling that some people look down on others...... of which pointing at "the single guy" is one of those...."
not pointing at anyone just highlighting something that has actualy happend to us
and as you can see we also state that its not ALL of them and that we do play with single guys hence being there oon a day when single guys were allowed in club |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"see... people always look at the single guys when it comes to misbehaving in clubs and yes it does happen...
but the funny thing is that in the time that I have been swinging in clubs.... I have seen some outrageous behaviours from some women in clubs..... I have seen some outrageous behaviour from couples at clubs....
actually in the club that I go to there has been an upsurge in bad behaviour from the "guys in couples... who wanders around on their own and thinks they can get away with a lot more because they have woman....."
as I always say... an arse is an arse.... and being "an arse" is not just the domain of single guys.......
I know couples who were born with the "arse" gene... same as heaven forbid single fems as well.....
as I have had to say to some couple in the past... just because I chat.. or I am there watching, doesn't mean I want to play with you...
If I want to play.... I'll ask....."
lol like the arse is an arse comment very true and yes have witnessed the single women taking libbertys
as to guys from couples walking around not seen that one YET but give it time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guys will be guys but don't tar them all with the same brush.
We felt the same when we first went to chams, the guys following in a snake formation.
We get the same feeling when we do a new club.
Most of them are harmless, some will ask, others will stand back, some are forward, whilst others are plain outright rude!
Most are decent guys when they pick up the courage to talk with you. Some are not to your liking but some maybe.
Confidence in yourself and what you want will help.
Clubs are scary places for folks at first, but if you don't get talking to others then you will never know if they are likeminded.
Give a little to gain a lot more |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Give a little yes. Eye contact. space. conversation even a hello.
Grab hell no.
Again agree its not all but only takes one dont it.
Perhaps for the less confidentvthey should try socials they work for many |
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