FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Shy to attend a club
Shy to attend a club
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The amount of times i see posts like this just makes me seethe..just man up for heavens sake..we’ve seen plenty of single women enter clubs, walk around cap d’adge etc on their own and I’d argue that’s a lot harder for a female to carry that confidence into a room full of people either sizing you up or totally not bothered but it’s the unknown/ not knowing how the night will pan out which is the buzz ..just do it, don’t worry, no one will be judgemental but have at least some confidence otherwise as a previous poster asked..is it the right environment for you? |
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"The amount of times i see posts like this just makes me seethe..just man up for heavens sake..we’ve seen plenty of single women enter clubs, walk around cap d’adge etc on their own and I’d argue that’s a lot harder for a female to carry that confidence into a room full of people either sizing you up or totally not bothered but it’s the unknown/ not knowing how the night will pan out which is the buzz ..just do it, don’t worry, no one will be judgemental but have at least some confidence otherwise as a previous poster asked..is it the right environment for you?"
Exactly this it really puts me off that a grown man can't walk into a club .. just because people CAN have sex in there it don't mean that they do ... I think the main problem is men see clubs in a different expectation just think of them as you going to a normal pub because this is really what they are you get chatting flirt and maybe if your lucky can have fun when you have got to know each other a bit in the bar ... you just don't have to either book a room or take the person home to your place lol. |
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Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
"
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x |
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x "
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Give the bloke a break, it can be daunting for a bloke to walk into a club for the first time. To be honest mate see it as if your walking into a pub full of potential new friends, go without any preconceptions of how the night is going to go, dress as you would if your going on a first date and want to impress, be clean and smelling your best don't have too much to drink but most of all enjoy it. |
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless. "
What he's on the site for is his business your advice for his profile goes against rules he's not asked for it |
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless. "
Oh and I'm on here for just clubs and there are a few men I know who are too so don't go jumping to conclusions... |
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"Give the bloke a break, it can be daunting for a bloke to walk into a club for the first time. To be honest mate see it as if your walking into a pub full of potential new friends, go without any preconceptions of how the night is going to go, dress as you would if your going on a first date and want to impress, be clean and smelling your best don't have too much to drink but most of all enjoy it. "
Didn't ask you to pm me either plz leave it in the forum |
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless.
What he's on the site for is his business your advice for his profile goes against rules he's not asked for it "
Of course it is business, never said otherwise, so pointless throwing that in.
True, he never asked his profile to be reviewed, off my own back on that one.
but how on Earth can you give him any advice of any practical use when your profile is key to engaging with people,
building confidence and building interest in you. If I looked at his profile and didn't mention it then my post would be like yours, not actually offering any help just being pc cop quoting a rule...super helpful that is to him. If im way off the mark with my advice why don't you provide some helpful tips, just one....whilst your on |
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless.
Oh and I'm on here for just clubs and there are a few men I know who are too so don't go jumping to conclusions..."
Refer you to my comment on your 'its his own business'
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless.
What he's on the site for is his business your advice for his profile goes against rules he's not asked for it
Of course it is business, never said otherwise, so pointless throwing that in.
True, he never asked his profile to be reviewed, off my own back on that one.
but how on Earth can you give him any advice of any practical use when your profile is key to engaging with people,
building confidence and building interest in you. If I looked at his profile and didn't mention it then my post would be like yours, not actually offering any help just being pc cop quoting a rule...super helpful that is to him. If im way off the mark with my advice why don't you provide some helpful tips, just one....whilst your on"
Wtf you on he asked for CLUB ADVICE im a regular club goer so my advice I can give him is from the club scene be intersted to know how many you have attended |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi OP,
Clubs are awesome places to mingle, chat and make friends, but you do need a dose of confidence as a single guy otherwise you are likely to find it tough. Clubs aren't a free-for-all fuckfest where you just wander round and jump in on the action, you need social skills to connect with people. The guys who do best at clubs are the ones who go regularly and make friends - get to know the regulars and be a nice guy rather than one of the wanking silent weirdos.
If you don't feel that you can cope with going to what is essentially a bar/pub (most clubs have one), getting a drink, and striking up conversations with people, the club scene probably isn't for you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless.
What he's on the site for is his business your advice for his profile goes against rules he's not asked for it
Of course it is business, never said otherwise, so pointless throwing that in.
True, he never asked his profile to be reviewed, off my own back on that one.
but how on Earth can you give him any advice of any practical use when your profile is key to engaging with people,
building confidence and building interest in you. If I looked at his profile and didn't mention it then my post would be like yours, not actually offering any help just being pc cop quoting a rule...super helpful that is to him. If im way off the mark with my advice why don't you provide some helpful tips, just one....whilst your on"
His profile is totally irrelevant when he is in a club. You don't have to carry a copy of it around with you. People will be deciding if they want to interact based on looks and how he acts there |
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless.
What he's on the site for is his business your advice for his profile goes against rules he's not asked for it
Of course it is business, never said otherwise, so pointless throwing that in.
True, he never asked his profile to be reviewed, off my own back on that one.
but how on Earth can you give him any advice of any practical use when your profile is key to engaging with people,
building confidence and building interest in you. If I looked at his profile and didn't mention it then my post would be like yours, not actually offering any help just being pc cop quoting a rule...super helpful that is to him. If im way off the mark with my advice why don't you provide some helpful tips, just one....whilst your on
Wtf you on he asked for CLUB ADVICE im a regular club goer so my advice I can give him is from the club scene be intersted to know how many you have attended "
So far yet to see any advice from you, unless you count just telling him to man up, rant about what some men are like in clubs and how difficult it can be for women. I hope OP had his notebook and pen out to make sure he didn't miss those gold nuggets, but him being shy, did miss the tone of that post, which (I'm assuming this even though i shouldnt) was not friendly Even if I was way off with my advice to OP and not even on same planet, compared to your contribution and everything you said... attually makes me come off not as bad as I usually do on the forums, so cheers for that. As for the ' Do I go to clubs question. Completely pointless answering it, If I say I go to Lots of clubs, you then say your telling porkies, if I say I don't go to any you say no experience so how can I comment, Even on this you will say I avoided answering so as to not get found out either way. |
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless.
What he's on the site for is his business your advice for his profile goes against rules he's not asked for it
Of course it is business, never said otherwise, so pointless throwing that in.
True, he never asked his profile to be reviewed, off my own back on that one.
but how on Earth can you give him any advice of any practical use when your profile is key to engaging with people,
building confidence and building interest in you. If I looked at his profile and didn't mention it then my post would be like yours, not actually offering any help just being pc cop quoting a rule...super helpful that is to him. If im way off the mark with my advice why don't you provide some helpful tips, just one....whilst your on
His profile is totally irrelevant when he is in a club. You don't have to carry a copy of it around with you. People will be deciding if they want to interact based on looks and how he acts there"
Really, I thought you had to carry one in a plastic document folder around your neck!! I guess if he pitches up at his first club and doesn't use the website at all then his profile is irrelevant. Given his interests he's outlined on his profile, what I said is still usefull and helps him. Im guilty of not reading OP's post in the context in which it was meant, got excited and shot my load early offering advice, albeit helpful, on something he didn't want
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"Honestly....and without me coming across as a prick, I going to go out on a limb and say this is not the best place for you mate. Don't normally click on profiles via forum chat, and this is coming from someone whos own ?profile aint that great..... Yours was pretty vacant, a tad eerie and with the pics made me think of the film 'hostel'... great film but not something you necessarily want coming across on here. I'm not known for giving out useful good advice so if you stay on here read every post from single guys whining about why they aren't successful on here, ignore all comments except from those who you are specifically aiming to meet as they will tell you what changes you need to make to your profile, pictures and how to engage and not engage with them. Some of those comments and criticism of your profile will be brutal, take it on the chin its not personal and this place is a long way from the 'shooting fish in a barrel' single male safe place of pof.com
Erm he's not asking for profile advice he's asking club advice totally different hun x
Come on....really, you think he's on this site for just clubs.!! He still has to message people regardless.
What he's on the site for is his business your advice for his profile goes against rules he's not asked for it
Of course it is business, never said otherwise, so pointless throwing that in.
True, he never asked his profile to be reviewed, off my own back on that one.
but how on Earth can you give him any advice of any practical use when your profile is key to engaging with people,
building confidence and building interest in you. If I looked at his profile and didn't mention it then my post would be like yours, not actually offering any help just being pc cop quoting a rule...super helpful that is to him. If im way off the mark with my advice why don't you provide some helpful tips, just one....whilst your on
Wtf you on he asked for CLUB ADVICE im a regular club goer so my advice I can give him is from the club scene be intersted to know how many you have attended
So far yet to see any advice from you, unless you count just telling him to man up, rant about what some men are like in clubs and how difficult it can be for women. I hope OP had his notebook and pen out to make sure he didn't miss those gold nuggets, but him being shy, did miss the tone of that post, which (I'm assuming this even though i shouldnt) was not friendly Even if I was way off with my advice to OP and not even on same planet, compared to your contribution and everything you said... attually makes me come off not as bad as I usually do on the forums, so cheers for that. As for the ' Do I go to clubs question. Completely pointless answering it, If I say I go to Lots of clubs, you then say your telling porkies, if I say I don't go to any you say no experience so how can I comment, Even on this you will say I avoided answering so as to not get found out either way. "
Only question I will answer here is the one that's relevant to this post.. I did offer advice on the club scene to treat it like a pub ... and no longer answering any of your posts as you just seem to be looking for arguments bye bye |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The amount of times i see posts like this just makes me seethe..just man up for heavens sake..we’ve seen plenty of single women enter clubs, walk around cap d’adge etc on their own and I’d argue that’s a lot harder for a female to carry that confidence into a room full of people either sizing you up or totally not bothered but it’s the unknown/ not knowing how the night will pan out which is the buzz ..just do it, don’t worry, no one will be judgemental but have at least some confidence otherwise as a previous poster asked..is it the right environment for you?"
Given the amount of negativity around single men's behaviour and how they're perceived by some people, I can understand a single man being hesitant or apprehensive about going to a club.
Maybe if single men weren't grouped together so negatively and given the respect couples and single women (rightly) expect, maybe single men would feel more welcome and comfortable.
Lady Astor |
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I remember my first visit as a single single guy. In my experience yes its scary, yes it's awkward, yes sometimes you'll kick yourself and yes there'll be knock backs. Especially if your a little socially awkward in the first place with new people and/or new environments like me. It wasn't because I was going to a club, its hard for me if it were a pub on my own or a first date. For me being on the spectrum didn't help either. But here's the thing it is how it is. You either pluck up the courage put yourself out there and get where you want to be or you don't. Simple as that. Same as anything else in life. Just have to push yourself and get talking to people. I did, I'm glad I did and things worked out very well. Never looked back since. And the more you do it the better you get at it and the easier it gets.
Oh and as others have said be your own person, do your own thing. Don't seek the comfort of the wanking dead and get lost in it.
Mr |
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And I also get that for some the effort doesn't seem worth it in the presence of the odds and the prize. That also is how it is. So it's upto you as an individual if the game is worth it or not to you? |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
OP, go and read the thread about “no chat and bangs from single guys” - there’s some good advice in there from quieter blokes who have figured out how to make clubs work for them.
From a quieter woman - eye contact and smiles make a big difference to me. Smoking area is great for quiet conversation - so is the hot tub. Everyone’s a little unsure the first time they walk into a club, but for some people it just feels right. The place where they feel comfortable just being themselves. This might be you. |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I'm one of the shy ones. I find it very difficult to approach people and talk with them. Going to a club was the best thing I've ever done.
I made the deliberate decision to push myself out of my shell, and force myself to talk. It was either that, or sit in the corner being very lonely (although some nights I enjoy doing that - I'm a people watcher too).
It was about six weeks before I found the courage to ask someone if they'd like to play. By then I was starting to become a regular. People recognised me, and saw me as one of the OK ones. I'm sure that helped.
So, my advice: Go. Don't be a dick. Be friendly, don't be creepy, make it all about the people you're talking to. Talk with everyone you can. Make friends. For the first half of the evening at least, don't even think about sex. Have a nice social night out. The rest will come when it's ready.
People do have sex in clubs, but they're about a lot more than just that. |
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"I'm one of the shy ones. I find it very difficult to approach people and talk with them. Going to a club was the best thing I've ever done.
I made the deliberate decision to push myself out of my shell, and force myself to talk. It was either that, or sit in the corner being very lonely (although some nights I enjoy doing that - I'm a people watcher too).
It was about six weeks before I found the courage to ask someone if they'd like to play. By then I was starting to become a regular. People recognised me, and saw me as one of the OK ones. I'm sure that helped.
So, my advice: Go. Don't be a dick. Be friendly, don't be creepy, make it all about the people you're talking to. Talk with everyone you can. Make friends. For the first half of the evening at least, don't even think about sex. Have a nice social night out. The rest will come when it's ready.
People do have sex in clubs, but they're about a lot more than just that."
A lot of that resonates we me as a single guy (and someone who does still go to clubs alone on occasion). Great advice.
I suppose its partly what you want from the night? For many of us including couples, single fems etc the club experience isn't always about getting sex on site or neither does it always happen. Sometimes a great night can just be about the laughs, interaction and making freinds. It's a great way to network on scene for all of us including single guys. Sometimes a club night (or a social) is an opportunity to plant the seed of a future encounter at a later date in or outside of the club. Also Sometimes people do talk about others on the scene. So being an all round good egg is important because others impressions of you (even just socially) may help lubricate future opportunities with others.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"New to the club scene. But shy and need advice on how to get involved ... as I say never been is it awkward for a single guy"
If you can approach or talk to people who approach you, just to make everyday type of conversation, banter etc. Then you'll fit in well with the club scene. Pick a club where you don't have to dress down as soon as you pay. That will help immensely X
I use to go on my own. It's daunting to get over the threshold, but what's the worst that could happen - walking back out again if you didn't like it....
All the best x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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SOME PEOPLE'S (couples, females, men) behaviour, shouldn't put you off, if that is ever influencing you not to go OP.
It's a tiny minority compared to how many attend weekly.
It's a fun environment, you can take your time, not talk to anyone and just watch what goes on, until you find a little confidence to talk..... |
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As a shy person I prefer going to the clubs as people usually more open than a regular club or pub. Also even if you’re not a smoker go to the smoking area. Most of the chatting goes on there and I’ve found it’s the best place to break the ice |
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"Hi OP,
Clubs are awesome places to mingle, chat and make friends, but you do need a dose of confidence as a single guy otherwise you are likely to find it tough. Clubs aren't a free-for-all fuckfest where you just wander round and jump in on the action, you need social skills to connect with people. The guys who do best at clubs are the ones who go regularly and make friends - get to know the regulars and be a nice guy rather than one of the wanking silent weirdos.
If you don't feel that you can cope with going to what is essentially a bar/pub (most clubs have one), getting a drink, and striking up conversations with people, the club scene probably isn't for you.
"
This, very much so!
You also need to be able to strike a conversation with BOTH from a couple, not waiting for the woman to be on her own. |
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